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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan.
Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities.
As for you Spindinko, there's nothing easy about your situation. You just have to battle through it. It's one of those times when life switches to 'hard' difficulty mode. Needless to say, time heals. So apply a little 'time' to that open wound and prepare yourself for taking on life with a new vim and vigour.
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@ffadicted: Yeah I know it's pretty bad. And she gave me a pretty good reason for wanting a break. I understand it and I'm ok with giving her some time, however, I'm she said she doesn't know what will happen. It's not looking good, that's why I'm pretty fucked up right now.
@sunprince: I know there are plenty of men interested in her, but I know she's not in the spot to be with someone right now. I don't know how long that'll last, though. It all happened not long ago and we've been living together for years. I can't imagine her moving on so quickly.
@sc4k: Thank you. I'm trying to get my life back together but it's really tough. I travelled home and I'm staying with my family right now. Helps a little, but not much.
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On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities.
Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened.
While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time.
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On April 24 2013 23:33 Spidinko wrote:
@ffadicted: Yeah I know it's pretty bad. And she gave me a pretty good reason for wanting a break. I understand it and I'm ok with giving her some time, however, I'm she said she doesn't know what will happen. It's not looking good, that's why I'm pretty fucked up right now.
What's the "pretty good reason", exactly?
On April 24 2013 23:33 Spidinko wrote:
@sunprince: I know there are plenty of men interested in her, but I know she's not in the spot to be with someone right now. I don't know how long that'll last, though. It all happened not long ago and we've been living together for years. I can't imagine her moving on so quickly.
She dumped you. That means she already moved on.
On April 24 2013 23:33 Spidinko wrote:
@sc4k: Thank you. I'm trying to get my life back together but it's really tough. I travelled home and I'm staying with my family right now. Helps a little, but not much.
That's the right idea. Keep being around other people, instead of spending too much time alone.
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I have a fling with a cute substitute receptionist from an office in another city (I work in a reception for the same company, different city). Haven't met her yet, only IM etc.
She might be moving to a city close to me soon 
Wish me luck boys!
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On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time.
maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down...
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On April 24 2013 23:33 Spidinko wrote:
@sunprince: I know there are plenty of men interested in her, but I know she's not in the spot to be with someone right now. I don't know how long that'll last, though. It all happened not long ago and we've been living together for years. I can't imagine her moving on so quickly.
Well, a friend of mine has been married for several years (but I don't know for how long), and like 1,5 week ago she told him that she felt no desire towards him anymore.
Few days later she moved on at someone else's place "I need time, etc", while in fact she's actually dating the guy, which is a friend of both her and my friend (she called my friend few days later again to tell him "I'm with X now").
So it's a possibility dude 
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On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down...
"Fucking" goes hand in hand with "date" and "be with". But sure, you can substitute either of those in for a similar point.
Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard, except that they are more likely to dump men instead of cheating on them (look up divorce stats sometime, particularly the fact that women initiate the majority of divorces and the vast majority of separations).
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@sunprince: I'm not going to go into details, as I'd have to write a blog about it, which is something I'd rather not do.
As for moving on, it sure looks like it sometimes, other times not that much.
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On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... "Fucking" goes hand in hand with "date" and "be with". But sure, you can substitute either of those in for a similar point. Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard, except that they are more likely to dump men instead of cheating on them (look up divorce stats sometime, particularly the fact that women initiate the majority of divorces and the vast majority of separations).
I'm sorry, but it looks like you're living in a different world than I am. [Or keeping a very different company.]
I've known her for 9 years. I KNOW she's not going to fuck around.
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On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard.
I disagree vehemently. Men are more motivated by physical elements than women. The divorce statistics are easily explained by the fact that women prefer the way of behaving at the start of relationships - they enjoy the flirting and the over-effusiveness and the randomness and the dating more than men, who often view it as more of 'putting in work' to get a girl to like you enough to be yourself around them, which often turns out to be the thing that turns them off :/ .
Also, the fact that it is harder for a man to get a woman than it is for a woman to get a man would be another very strong explanation for why women find it easier to seek for a divorce. Less fear of 'what if I don't get anyone else'.
Also the even more simple fact that women get propositioned ALL the time regardless of their relationship status so are constantly reminded of their opportunities makes a big difference - men get that way less.
I'm not 100% opposed to what you're saying about the reasons she broke it off, but I am saying that your assertiveness as to the cause comes across as cynical and negative...perhaps you have been hurt before or have a predominant fear of being hurt which manifests itself in your attitude towards women in relationships.
On April 24 2013 23:50 Spidinko wrote:
@sunprince: I'm not going to go into details, as I'd have to write a blog about it, which is something I'd rather not do.
As for moving on, it sure looks like it sometimes, other times not that much.
Our bodies are designed to cope, eventually your physiological response to the emotional void and hurt will dampen and weaken. When something like this happens, the misery and depression is front-loaded. Masses at the beginning, but it will ebb within a few weeks to more bearable levels. Give it a couple of months and I really advise going to the gym and working out. It gives you a big boost of endorphins and you can put your negative feelings into motivation to work out.
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On April 24 2013 23:57 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard. I disagree vehemently. Men are more motivated by physical elements than women. The divorce statistics are easily explained by the fact that women prefer the way of behaving at the start of relationships - they enjoy the flirting and the over-effusiveness and the randomness and the dating more than men, who often view it as more of 'putting in work' to get a girl to like you enough to be yourself around them, which often turns out to be the thing that turns them off :/ . Also, the fact that it is harder for a man to get a woman than it is for a woman to get a man would be another very strong explanation for why women find it easier to seek for a divorce. Less fear of 'what if I don't get anyone else'. I'm not 100% opposed to what you're saying about the reasons she broke it off, but I am saying that your assertiveness as to the cause comes across as cynical and negative...perhaps you have been hurt before or have a predominant fear of being hurt which manifests itself in your attitude towards women in relationships.
I'm not that sure about that last statement. Sure, it's easier for them to find some guy but it's still difficult to find the guy they want.
I guess it may be a bit easier to find a good match for them, it still is hard and can take years.
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On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... "Fucking" goes hand in hand with "date" and "be with". But sure, you can substitute either of those in for a similar point. Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard, except that they are more likely to dump men instead of cheating on them (look up divorce stats sometime, particularly the fact that women initiate the majority of divorces and the vast majority of separations).
Sounds like you have a poor taste in women.
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On April 25 2013 00:02 Spidinko wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:57 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard. I disagree vehemently. Men are more motivated by physical elements than women. The divorce statistics are easily explained by the fact that women prefer the way of behaving at the start of relationships - they enjoy the flirting and the over-effusiveness and the randomness and the dating more than men, who often view it as more of 'putting in work' to get a girl to like you enough to be yourself around them, which often turns out to be the thing that turns them off :/ . Also, the fact that it is harder for a man to get a woman than it is for a woman to get a man would be another very strong explanation for why women find it easier to seek for a divorce. Less fear of 'what if I don't get anyone else'. I'm not 100% opposed to what you're saying about the reasons she broke it off, but I am saying that your assertiveness as to the cause comes across as cynical and negative...perhaps you have been hurt before or have a predominant fear of being hurt which manifests itself in your attitude towards women in relationships. I'm not that sure about that last statement. Sure, it's easier for them to find some guy but it's still difficult to find the guy they want. I guess it may be a bit easier to find a good match for them, it still is hard and can take years.
I agree that dating is difficult for both genders but the amount of perspective you need to understand why it's difficult as a woman is greater than why it's difficult as a man, and judging by the fact that gender is probably non-discriminant to an individual's amount of perspective, it makes sense that women will be less afraid of dating than men. But this is not a clear cut argument. I was just responding to the claims made by sunprince regarding sex as a motivation for quitting relationships- which I believe it is far less often than he thinks, at least for women.
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On April 25 2013 00:06 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 25 2013 00:02 Spidinko wrote:On April 24 2013 23:57 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard. I disagree vehemently. Men are more motivated by physical elements than women. The divorce statistics are easily explained by the fact that women prefer the way of behaving at the start of relationships - they enjoy the flirting and the over-effusiveness and the randomness and the dating more than men, who often view it as more of 'putting in work' to get a girl to like you enough to be yourself around them, which often turns out to be the thing that turns them off :/ . Also, the fact that it is harder for a man to get a woman than it is for a woman to get a man would be another very strong explanation for why women find it easier to seek for a divorce. Less fear of 'what if I don't get anyone else'. I'm not 100% opposed to what you're saying about the reasons she broke it off, but I am saying that your assertiveness as to the cause comes across as cynical and negative...perhaps you have been hurt before or have a predominant fear of being hurt which manifests itself in your attitude towards women in relationships. I'm not that sure about that last statement. Sure, it's easier for them to find some guy but it's still difficult to find the guy they want. I guess it may be a bit easier to find a good match for them, it still is hard and can take years. I agree that dating is difficult for both genders but the amount of perspective you need to understand why it's difficult as a woman is greater than why it's difficult as a man, and judging by the fact that gender is probably non-discriminant to an individual's amount of perspective, it makes sense that women will be less afraid of dating than men. But this is not a clear cut argument. I was just responding to the claims made by sunprince regarding sex as a motivation for quitting relationships- which I believe it is far less often than he thinks, at least for women.
Yes, I agree.
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On April 24 2013 23:45 Sakray wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:33 Spidinko wrote:
@sunprince: I know there are plenty of men interested in her, but I know she's not in the spot to be with someone right now. I don't know how long that'll last, though. It all happened not long ago and we've been living together for years. I can't imagine her moving on so quickly. Well, a friend of mine has been married for several years (but I don't know for how long), and like 1,5 week ago she told him that she felt no desire towards him anymore. Few days later she moved on at someone else's place "I need time, etc", while in fact she's actually dating the guy, which is a friend of both her and my friend (she called my friend few days later again to tell him "I'm with X now"). So it's a possibility dude
I feel that a huge problem with marriages is that people are too caught up with 'falling in love' or 'being in love'. They love the feeling of being in love, but don't realize that commitment, staying through harder times, talking, may help you fall in love again and again. Because it is guaranteed that you won't be able to love your partner always for years to come.
Of course there are cases where divorce is the only option, but in your example (a case I know little to nothing of) it just sounds like an immature approach with a marriage.
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On April 24 2013 23:55 Spidinko wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... "Fucking" goes hand in hand with "date" and "be with". But sure, you can substitute either of those in for a similar point. Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard, except that they are more likely to dump men instead of cheating on them (look up divorce stats sometime, particularly the fact that women initiate the majority of divorces and the vast majority of separations). I'm sorry, but it looks like you're living in a different world than I am. [Or keeping a very different company.] I've known her for 9 years. I KNOW she's not going to fuck around.
Didn't you also "KNOW" that she would never dump you?
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On April 25 2013 00:03 Ryalnos wrote:Show nested quote +On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... "Fucking" goes hand in hand with "date" and "be with". But sure, you can substitute either of those in for a similar point. Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard, except that they are more likely to dump men instead of cheating on them (look up divorce stats sometime, particularly the fact that women initiate the majority of divorces and the vast majority of separations). Sounds like you have a poor taste in women.
Hardly. I'm one of the guys that women chase even when they have boyfriends so I'm more aware of the dark side of women, but that doesn't imply that I reciprocate said attraction.
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On April 25 2013 00:06 sc4k wrote:Show nested quote +On April 25 2013 00:02 Spidinko wrote:On April 24 2013 23:57 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:50 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 23:33 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 23:16 sc4k wrote:On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote:On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote:
To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Ouch dude. The guy just broke up a 4 year relationship. Cut him some slack on the ultra-harsh possible eventualities. Given the situation, it's not a possible eventuality, it's the most likely possibility and one that could already have happened. While the truth is harsh, I suspect that the cold taste of reality might just be enough to push him to become a better man instead of clinging to a relationship that was probably dead for some time. maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... Also, plenty of women are willing to quit a long relationship "just for sex", provided it is with a sufficiently attractive male... if they're not opting to cheat, that is. Women are no different from men in that regard. I disagree vehemently. Men are more motivated by physical elements than women. The divorce statistics are easily explained by the fact that women prefer the way of behaving at the start of relationships - they enjoy the flirting and the over-effusiveness and the randomness and the dating more than men, who often view it as more of 'putting in work' to get a girl to like you enough to be yourself around them, which often turns out to be the thing that turns them off :/ . Also, the fact that it is harder for a man to get a woman than it is for a woman to get a man would be another very strong explanation for why women find it easier to seek for a divorce. Less fear of 'what if I don't get anyone else'. I'm not 100% opposed to what you're saying about the reasons she broke it off, but I am saying that your assertiveness as to the cause comes across as cynical and negative...perhaps you have been hurt before or have a predominant fear of being hurt which manifests itself in your attitude towards women in relationships. I'm not that sure about that last statement. Sure, it's easier for them to find some guy but it's still difficult to find the guy they want. I guess it may be a bit easier to find a good match for them, it still is hard and can take years. I agree that dating is difficult for both genders but the amount of perspective you need to understand why it's difficult as a woman is greater than why it's difficult as a man, and judging by the fact that gender is probably non-discriminant to an individual's amount of perspective, it makes sense that women will be less afraid of dating than men. But this is not a clear cut argument. I was just responding to the claims made by sunprince regarding sex as a motivation for quitting relationships- which I believe it is far less often than he thinks, at least for women.
The fundamental underlying basis for all sexual relationships is sexual attraction. If a woman leaves her boyfriend to be with another man, then on the most basic level, she is leaving to have sex with the other man. You're trying to separate sex from dating when the two are deeply intertwined and synonymous.
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It's really hard to give advice if you're not willing to tell us why the relationship ended in the first place. Although I don't think it's as black/white as sunprince is saying it is (some relationships really are back-and-forth rollercosters). Running under the assumption you won't get back together though (you seem pretty sure you messed up badly), you're probably gonna be down in a rut for a while now, there's no way around it. You just have to work on staying busy with other stuff, and make the most out of the extra time (and money ;D) you'll have now to do things you didn't have the freedom to before! Single life is extremely underrated!
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EPT
