EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 124
| Forum Index > General Forum |
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
|
Air.SWP
United States112 Posts
| ||
|
QuanticHawk
United States32044 Posts
but uh, hey, i guess keep blindly carrying that torch eh? | ||
|
Broetchenholer
Germany1883 Posts
On April 24 2013 19:34 bgx wrote: + Show Spoiler + Ha, i think i suddenly started to grow some dignity in regards to myself. Which brought me to start thinking about dating. There were many reasons why i didn't do it in last few years(barring 1-2 abysmal attempts in high school). Actually what brought me to this was a simple change with my mentality. I always viewed that being "myself" should be the way to meet a girl, meaning not an act, no subliminal message stuff. But then i understood(while some other good ideas finally starting to cave into my mind), after seeing 1 comment from some guy on YT that said something like this :"While we live in civilized society, many things including our primal behavior, body messages etc. are still one of few prime factors of choosing your partner. So we should not stray away from understanding them and/or using them to our favor, because otherwise we will be still trapped in an illusion that they are gone, so to make room for *concious* decision we should first win on the first "fake" front. " I learned a lot from few videos on YT with Pick Up advices, but those were not the ones of use this text and that behavior and she is yours. It was more like describing a whole stages of man-women relantionships during first few meetings. And this is NOT equivalent of being fake. Some people like me, who had problems with self-esteem (to say the least), and saw women/girls only as friends, or run away from every ocassion (sometimes unconciously), they will almost *never* achieve something with the so called staying true or being natural. The natural for them was not to make any contact that exceeded friendship. There are many good signs i already noticed of myself, after realizing what i described earlier in 2nd paragraph, even day after. For example i started to look at girls i was passing by, i had longer eye contacts etc. While the "main dish" which is actually approaching girls is still a on a check list. You may called it a fear of looking like an hopeless idiot. I reached a phase where all my beliefs give me a green light yet there is this old barrier still (which i want to shatter, i really do). The question to any shy/used to be shy guys who managed to get a date: How was it? What were the circumstances? For example was there a moment when you thought "This is not gonna work" and it worked? Uh well. I am a very passive social person. I used to blush the moment i had to speak with a girl at the office, being something like 25. Then a girl dragged me into a relationship and at least that complete insecurity towards women is now gone. However, now i am 29, my first girlfriend is my ex-girlfriend and i started to miss it. After some time, i realized that i have to do sth. So i asked a girl i knew for about 1 1/2 years out. I always liked her and we head a lot in common, she is as shy as i am and i didn't even have a way to ask her ou directly, i had to use email. The point is, and i hope this kinda helps you, thee feeling of freedom, finally asking the question and taking my life into my own hands, was even better then the feeling when she said yes. And yes, i already had accepted that she would not say yes, as she didn't answer for about 3 days. Then she maid pretty clear, that she had no idea herself, how dating would work and what she exactly wanted, as i was her first date as well. (My first relationship pretty much skipped the dating, we knew ourselves from work, chatted there for 2 or 3 months and then bam relationship). So, both of us had no experience, we started it slow, went to the movies 3 times, then meeting at my home for cooking, watching movies andgetting it on. There were so many times we did not know what to do, how to proceed, but it didn't matter anymore. Cause i had made the first step. I can only recommend doing it yourself. Especially when you are shy. | ||
|
Air.SWP
United States112 Posts
Uh well. I am a very passive social person. I used to blush the moment i had to speak with a girl at the office, being something like 25. Then a girl dragged me into a relationship and at least that complete insecurity towards women is now gone. However, now i am 29, my first girlfriend is my ex-girlfriend and i started to miss it. After some time, i realized that i have to do sth. So i asked a girl i knew for about 1 1/2 years out. I always liked her and we head a lot in common, she is as shy as i am and i didn't even have a way to ask her ou directly, i had to use email. The point is, and i hope this kinda helps you, thee feeling of freedom, finally asking the question and taking my life into my own hands, was even better then the feeling when she said yes. And yes, i already had accepted that she would not say yes, as she didn't answer for about 3 days. Then she maid pretty clear, that she had no idea herself, how dating would work and what she exactly wanted, as i was her first date as well. (My first relationship pretty much skipped the dating, we knew ourselves from work, chatted there for 2 or 3 months and then bam relationship). So, both of us had no experience, we started it slow, went to the movies 3 times, then meeting at my home for cooking, watching movies andgetting it on. There were so many times we did not know what to do, how to proceed, but it didn't matter anymore. Cause i had made the first step. I can only recommend doing it yourself. Especially when you are shy. I agree. Taking the first step is the hardest part, but also the most liberating. Dating, meeting women and everything encompassed within this realm is very, very scary at first. The fear of rejection is probably at the front of your mind. Rejection is part of the game. You will get rejected. Many times. Some men are more confident with themselves, women see this and are drawn to it. Try and stand out to get yourself noticed, that'll make meeting women easier. | ||
|
snailz
Croatia900 Posts
On April 24 2013 23:44 sc4k wrote: maybe if you had used the word 'date' or 'be with' it would have sat better with me. It's cynical is what it is. Women are less fuck machines than men, and still, most people don't quit a 4 year relationship just for sex. Other shit must have been going down... it's not just for the sex, it's the attention she's getting from someone-not-her-9years-boyfriend, the thrill of doing something new and different, the feeling of being wanted in a way she probably didnt experience for a long time. but, you can never separate those exact things from sex, because they truly are "intertwined and synonymous", as sunprince said. also, this is the second time in this thread that guy gets disagreed on for the way he says things, even tho they are completely true (and hurtfull). so hey, life sucks, better deal with it head on. as for me, i'm in a steady relationship for 4 years now, and the advice i would give to people like Spidinko is to always keep reminding her that you also have options. as sc4k said, (if you're dating at least above-avarage-looking girl) "chances are she's getting propositioned all the time and being constantly reminded of her opportunities", so to keep a girl like that long-term, you have to level the playing field. make her jealous from time to time, be exciting, and shit. to conclude, i really think women dont do anything on a whim when it comes down to realtionships, because of their biological clock. what i mean by that is when they invest their time in someone, it better fucking work, they'll try to shape a male into what they desire from their partner long-term. so if you get dumped after 9 years, i can't imagine anything else happening than what sunprince implied, and i don't think that makes him a cynic: On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote: She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. so don't do that. move on as quickly as possible. she'll want you more for it, if you ever decide to give her a second chance (i wouldnt) | ||
|
Air.SWP
United States112 Posts
Having slept with well over 100 different women, a lot of them having husbands or boyfriends; most of them do not care about their partners feelings. They were bored, lost interest in them, etc, but were simply too weak, scared or something to end the relationship. Everyone has a kyrptonite, everyone. I remember one time last summer I was in Vegas for a week for my birthday with my friends. Our first night out at Marquee I got fingers deeps in a bachelorette in a corner of the club, she had the sash on and everything. What I am saying is that you need to be prepared for the worst, you need to constantly be doing things in your life to keep her interested. Comfort is the biggest enemy you can succumb to when you're with someone. Don't let yourself go, maintain a decent figure, be doing things that better who you are as a person. Your partner will see this and will, in most cases, further drawn and attracted to you. | ||
|
sc4k
United Kingdom5454 Posts
On April 25 2013 00:49 snailz wrote: it's not just for the sex, it's the attention she's getting from someone-not-her-9years-boyfriend, the thrill of doing something new and different, the feeling of being wanted in a way she probably didnt experience for a long time. but, you can never separate those exact things from sex, because they truly are "intertwined and synonymous", as sunprince said. also, this is the second time in this thread that guy gets disagreed on for the way he says things, even tho they are completely true (and hurtfull). so hey, life sucks, better deal with it head on. You literally right there explained why they aren't 'completely true'. And while sex isn't a non-existent factor, I was taking issue with the way that sunprince initially said the whole 'she's fucking or preparing to fuck someone else'. If what Hawk said about him being a pua is true then it makes sense. The pua guys have warped views of human relationships. On April 25 2013 00:55 Air.SWP wrote: What a lot of you need to understand is that she will never be yours, it's just your turn. Some people will be together until the day, most will not; it's a harsh reality and something that is very hard to swallow for most. Talk is cheap and actions will always speak louder than words. She says she loves you? Does she actually show it? Having slept with well over 100 different women, a lot of them having husbands or boyfriends; most of them do not care about their partners feelings. They were bored, lost interest in them, etc, but were simply too weak, scared or something to end the relationship. Everyone has a kyrptonite, everyone. I remember one time last summer I was in Vegas for a week for my birthday with my friends. Our first night out at Marquee I got fingers deeps in a bachelorette in a corner of the club, she had the sash on and everything. What I am saying is that you need to be prepared for the worst, you need to constantly be doing things in your life to keep her interested. Comfort is the biggest enemy you can succumb to when you're with someone. Don't let yourself go, maintain a decent figure, be doing things that better who you are as a person. Your partner will see this and will, in most cases, further drawn and attracted to you. Although this also has the annoying undertone of 'trust no-one', the general idea of 'maintain your standards and keep your life going forward' is definitely good advice. You are always numero uno, you should keep your train rolling along, if she wants to hop on then she's welcome but if she fucks around behind your back, her ticket has run out. And if she gets off the train it's her job to run back and get it on it. Under no circumstances can you stop and 'break down' until she wants to get back on!!!! Who the hell wants to ride a train that's going nowhere anyway? The two courses of action you have when someone dumps you are a) move on, and b) get them back. Coincidentally both courses are achieved the same way: getting on with your life and improving yourself as a person. | ||
|
Air.SWP
United States112 Posts
Although this also has the annoying undertone of 'trust no-one', No where did I say 'trust no one'. However, having been on both sides of the fence and experiencing a wide range of women, it has taught me a lot of things. If you're dating someone and they give you no reason not to trust them, then you have no reason (other than your own insecurities) to not trust them. My contention was saying that you should always be aware, and know that the reality is that anything is possible. No one can predict the future, no one can honestly say that they'll never cheat. There could be a moment where one person is just so overwhelmed with lust, passion; that it simply consumes them. Don't dwell on it, just be aware of it. Be observant, don't get comfortable. You are always numero uno, you should keep your train rolling along, if she wants to hop on then she's welcome but if she fucks around behind your back, her ticket has run out. Agreed. A lot of men don't understand this. Never put pussy on a pedestal. You think she's the one? I can guarantee there are other girls out there that are equally, if not better in every way. If a woman cheats on you, don't take her back. That's the biggest form of disrespect (in a relationship) that I can think of. If you can't respect yourself, then why should she? | ||
|
willoc
Canada1530 Posts
On April 24 2013 23:02 sunprince wrote: After all, if you had girls throwing themselves at you, would you bother to make the effort to hit on girls who weren't exceptionally attractive to you? Yes. Attractiveness isn't the only criteria. And sex isn't the only goal. | ||
|
snailz
Croatia900 Posts
On April 25 2013 01:09 sc4k wrote: And if she gets off the train it's her job to run back and get it on it. Under no circumstances can you stop and 'break down' until she wants to get back on!!!! Who the hell wants to ride a train that's going nowhere anyway? The two courses of action you have when someone dumps you are a) move on, and b) get them back. Coincidentally both courses are achieved the same way: getting on with your life and improving yourself as a person. in fact, i would say that guys who move on from long-term relationships very or reasonably quickly usually end up having a lot of opportunities in very short time span, if their social circle is big enough and they have some qualities of their own. chicks like men who can stand their ground when shit hits the fan, and have proven in the past that they are capable of commitment in a relationship. also, some women find it exciting to "steal" freshly separated guys and claim someone else's territory (especially if the claim is still disputed, meaning it's not over-over). it's a big ego boost if you can pull it off, so there you have it, explore that angle, it's all about how you present it on the other hand, guys that are a train wreck after a bad break up are like the biggest turnoff ever. nobody wants to be the rebound girl being compared to the perfect-ex all the time. so pick yourself up, don't look to jump into relationships right away, and enjoy yourself for being awesome. it's an opportunity you got, not end of the world @ the mate from Slovakia. | ||
|
sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 25 2013 01:29 willoc wrote: Yes. Attractiveness isn't the only criteria. And sex isn't the only goal. You misunderstand. Attractiveness is the sum of your criteria. If you like nerdy girls, then nerdy girls are attractive to you. And who said anything about sex being the only goal? | ||
|
willoc
Canada1530 Posts
On April 25 2013 01:45 sunprince wrote: You misunderstand. Attractiveness is the sum of your criteria. If you like nerdy girls, then nerdy girls are attractive to you. And who said anything about sex being the only goal? Fair enough. I wanted to point out that not all girls will just go with whichever male is hitting on them. The ones that don't just submit to "needing to fuck" are the ones that are worth dating. I guess what I am trying to say is that some advice (even thought accurate) should not be used if your goals don't match up with the advice-givers. Some people don't care about getting revenge on their ex-girlfriends (or making them jealous after their' break-up) and just want to have a happy life. Some people want a companion. Some people want sex. Your' advice is accurate but I don't think it pertains to people who actually want to find a good life-long match for them. However, if you just want to screw, brag to friends, make people feel jealous then your perspective fits. No offence meant but your advice seems harsh at times (and totally fitting to the usual bar/pub scene - which most TLers aren't really a part of). | ||
|
sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 25 2013 02:08 willoc wrote: Fair enough. I wanted to point out that not all girls will just go with whichever male is hitting on them. The ones that don't just submit to "needing to fuck" are the ones that are worth dating. Girls will go for the best option(s) available to them, just like guys will. My point was that girls don't have to make the same effort that guys do to advance relationships, because they have more/better options available to them with less effort, due to sexual marketplace dynamics. On April 25 2013 02:08 willoc wrote: I guess what I am trying to say is that some advice (even thought accurate) should not be used if your goals don't match up with the advice-givers. Some people don't care about getting revenge on their ex-girlfriends (or making them jealous after their' break-up) and just want to have a happy life. Some people want a companion. Some people want sex. Your' advice is accurate but I don't think it pertains to people who actually want to find a good life-long match for them. However, if you just want to screw, brag to friends, make people feel jealous then your perspective fits. No offence meant but your advice seems harsh at times (and totally fitting to the usual bar/pub scene - which most TLers aren't really a part of). The advice I've given is tailored to the goals expressed (or implied) by the posters I respond to. However, there's a popular misconception here that you should act substantially differently when you want a companion and when you want sex. In reality, being an attractive guy is the first step to either of those goals. Focus on bettering yourself, and your chances of getting what you want will improve, regardless of what it is you want. | ||
|
willoc
Canada1530 Posts
On April 25 2013 02:15 sunprince wrote: Girls will go for the best option(s) available to them. My point was that girls don't have to make the same effort that guys do to advance relationships, because they have more/better options available to them with less effort, due to sexual marketplace dynamics. The advice I've given is tailored to the goals expressed (or implied) by the posters I respond to. However, there's a popular misconception here that you should act substantially differently when you want a companion and when you want sex. In reality, being an attractive guy is the first step to either of those goals. Focus on bettering yourself, and your chances of getting what you want will improve, regardless of what it is you want. Agreed and agreed. I had the urge to disagree on the last point but you did say "substantially" so I would say you are correct. In the end, in a general sense, just bettering yourself is probably the best advice for people. Good stuff. | ||
|
boon2537
United States905 Posts
I think every guy should develop some of the perspectives discussed in this thread before even consider dating. | ||
|
TomatoShark
United States288 Posts
| ||
|
Murlox
France1699 Posts
My luck sucks, my dating technics suck, I actually suck at dating girls right now, I was better - like WAY better 5 years ago - now I'm just plain bad, I'm a shame of my gender, so there, there's is your answer : my luck sucks. Also, and worst may I add, I don't think luck as much to do with dating. Maybe 5 to 10% of it. Rest is preparation : mental, physical, professional, and probably other fields I can't name in english. So FU luck thread, FU. Anyway I fail at dating. Bleh. Edit : well, someone said it way better than I did, just above : bettering yourself. That's good advice. I feel the same. Thanks, working on it. And so should you. Now be gone, title annoyance. | ||
|
sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 25 2013 04:19 Murlox wrote: Could you stop harass me with this thread title on the left bar when I come to browse TL for dota 2 streams and/or SFW pics ? I mean please ? My luck sucks, my dating technics suck, I actually suck at dating girls right now, I was better - like WAY better 5 years ago - now I'm just plain bad, I'm a shame of my gender, so there, there's is your answer : my luck sucks. Also, and worst may I add, I don't think luck as much to do with dating. Maybe 5 to 10% of it. Rest is preparation : mental, physical, professional, and probably other fields I can't name in english. So FU luck thread, FU. Anyway I fail at dating. Bleh. If you provide additional information, then perhaps we could help you with that. | ||
|
Avokodo
South Africa81 Posts
| ||
|
Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
On April 25 2013 04:09 TomatoShark wrote: any advice for me im a 29 year old virgin and just gave up on dating theres nobody for me. You have posted in this thread at least six times and the only thing we know about you is repeated in this quote. | ||
| ||
