EPTOn April 24 2013 16:13 kafkaesque wrote:
Don't worry, Hogwarts seems like a pretty nice place to be.
Don't worry, Hogwarts seems like a pretty nice place to be.
Got lost in the mail >.<
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 122
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
Got lost in the mail >.< | ||
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Spidinko
Slovakia1174 Posts
On April 24 2013 14:54 sunprince wrote: Take the opportunity to better yourself (work on your education/career, hit the gym, etc.) and meet new girls. When she regrets her decision and comes back to you, and you shoot her down in favor of the better girls who appreciate you, you'll know you've succeeded. I don't think I can do any better and I'm no way near to being over her. To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. | ||
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Magic_Mike
United States542 Posts
On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote: I don't think I can do any better and I'm no way near to being over her. To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. I know what you mean that it's hard to get over. I went through a divorce after being married for 5 years and dating for several years before that. The only thing you can really do is stay busy. Do not under any circumstances allow yourself to have down-time or nothing to do. That's when you will sink into depression and feel sorry for yourself. Go out with friends, volunteer at a soup kitchen, write that novel you've always wanted to write. This I think is what sunprince was basically saying. What happens is you start to build up a lot of confidence in yourself and you will actually enjoy having a "busy" life which will lead to more people wanting to hang out with such a confident accomplished person which will push you further and continue the same process over and over essentially recreating yourself. You end up finding someone who really likes the person you have become and when your ex looks at this, she will either come back to you or you will have found someone else already. | ||
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Rohan
United Kingdom83 Posts
Otherwise you'll be hung up on the same person for years, and it *WILL* effect your other relationships given time. | ||
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etherealfall
Australia476 Posts
On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote: I don't think I can do any better and I'm no way near to being over her. To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. Man up man. Girls who say that are a waste of time. | ||
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Spidinko
Slovakia1174 Posts
On April 24 2013 16:56 Magic_Mike wrote: I know what you mean that it's hard to get over. I went through a divorce after being married for 5 years and dating for several years before that. The only thing you can really do is stay busy. Do not under any circumstances allow yourself to have down-time or nothing to do. That's when you will sink into depression and feel sorry for yourself. Go out with friends, volunteer at a soup kitchen, write that novel you've always wanted to write. This I think is what sunprince was basically saying. What happens is you start to build up a lot of confidence in yourself and you will actually enjoy having a "busy" life which will lead to more people wanting to hang out with such a confident accomplished person which will push you further and continue the same process over and over essentially recreating yourself. You end up finding someone who really likes the person you have become and when your ex looks at this, she will either come back to you or you will have found someone else already. I understand what you're saying. It sounds great and all, but now it seems to difficult. I'll try it nevertheless, though, thanks. Another reason why it's complicated is, that as we've been living together for most of our time together, we shared most of our friends. Right now I think most of them are her friends, not mine. Which sucks for me. | ||
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TomatoShark
United States288 Posts
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote: I don't think I can do any better and I'm no way near to being over her. If she appreciates you so little that she'd break up with you after 4 years, then you can probably do better. You don't need to be over her to start bettering yourself and meeting new girls, and doing so will help you get over her as well. On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote: To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. On April 24 2013 17:17 Spidinko wrote: I understand what you're saying. It sounds great and all, but now it seems to difficult. I'll try it nevertheless, though, thanks. Another reason why it's complicated is, that as we've been living together for most of our time together, we shared most of our friends. Right now I think most of them are her friends, not mine. Which sucks for me. Time to make new friends, then. | ||
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XiaoJoyce-
China2908 Posts
If a girl ignore a guy, because a guy do something stupid. (He is idiot and doesn't know it) And then puzzle, why does the girl ignore him. And then few days later, sms her , call her. Internet text her, all ignored. Now the guy seems to do nothing right now... I wan 2 ask, Is it the girl that went too far? Should she relax, calm down and text him? Or she should wait for a while? And I hope for men input too, What would you do, if I put you into this situation? or maybe, how r u feeling if u experience this? How u will react? | ||
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woreyour
582 Posts
You need to learn how to be happy by yourself, think what is your goal? Relationship is not a requirement. Want sex? then go dating, no strings attach. Want a family? Try relationship. Feeling forever alone? Look for friends. If you are lonely relationship is not the answer. If you want responsibility, go get a gold fish. Start simple and then you will realize. | ||
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bgx
Poland6595 Posts
But then i understood(while some other good ideas finally starting to cave into my mind), after seeing 1 comment from some guy on YT that said something like this :"While we live in civilized society, many things including our primal behavior, body messages etc. are still one of few prime factors of choosing your partner. So we should not stray away from understanding them and/or using them to our favor, because otherwise we will be still trapped in an illusion that they are gone, so to make room for *concious* decision we should first win on the first "fake" front. " I learned a lot from few videos on YT with Pick Up advices, but those were not the ones of use this text and that behavior and she is yours. It was more like describing a whole stages of man-women relantionships during first few meetings. And this is NOT equivalent of being fake. Some people like me, who had problems with self-esteem (to say the least), and saw women/girls only as friends, or run away from every ocassion (sometimes unconciously), they will almost *never* achieve something with the so called staying true or being natural. The natural for them was not to make any contact that exceeded friendship. There are many good signs i already noticed of myself, after realizing what i described earlier in 2nd paragraph, even day after. For example i started to look at girls i was passing by, i had longer eye contacts etc. While the "main dish" which is actually approaching girls is still a on a check list. You may called it a fear of looking like an hopeless idiot. I reached a phase where all my beliefs give me a green light yet there is this old barrier still (which i want to shatter, i really do). The question to any shy/used to be shy guys who managed to get a date: How was it? What were the circumstances? For example was there a moment when you thought "This is not gonna work" and it worked? | ||
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Spidinko
Slovakia1174 Posts
On April 24 2013 18:51 sunprince wrote: If she appreciates you so little that she'd break up with you after 4 years, then you can probably do better. You don't need to be over her to start bettering yourself and meeting new girls, and doing so will help you get over her as well. She's about to fuck (or is already fucking) a guy she wants more than you, and wants you to stick around as her backup plan. Time to make new friends, then. 1. Kind of, yeah. Although I played a big part in what happened, I must admit. 2. I don't believe that's the case. From what she told me and others, it's not true. 3. I'm working on it. | ||
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XiaoJoyce-
China2908 Posts
On April 24 2013 21:38 Spidinko wrote: 1. Kind of, yeah. Although I played a big part in what happened, I must admit. 2. I don't believe that's the case. From what she told me and others, it's not true. 3. I'm working on it. I hope u believe in the power of positive~ So, just work hard okay? Sorry for silly statement, but I always believe, love should be like that. | ||
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calgar
United States1277 Posts
On April 24 2013 17:00 Rohan wrote: I agree with you that confronting problems head on is a good idea, but I think you're confusing staying busy with burying problems. Staying busy has more to do with trying to branch out, meet new people, get around to things you never had time to do before, and starting to grow again as a person as just yourself. Picking up a new hobby or interest and socializing with new people is going to help most people get over past issues. But yeah, I don't think that necessarily means you are avoiding your problems or trying to repress them. It's more of turning over a new leaf/beginning a new chapter in your life.I can honestly say that burying your head in the sand and trying to stay busy is a really, really bad idea. If you're planning on trying to bury all of your feelings for her, do a U-turn. Try and confront the problems head on, and deal with them. You'll feel MUCH worse in the short term, but after 2-3 months you'll be properly over her and be able to move on with life. Don't bury the problems and hope they'll go away. Confront them, help them go away. Otherwise you'll be hung up on the same person for years, and it *WILL* effect your other relationships given time. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 24 2013 21:38 Spidinko wrote: 1. Kind of, yeah. Although I played a big part in what happened, I must admit. Most likely. So make yourself a better person so it's less likely to ever happen again. On April 24 2013 21:38 Spidinko wrote: 2. I don't believe that's the case. From what she told me and others, it's not true. You're presupposing that she would be honest about it. Do you seriously think should she tell you and others if it was true? On April 24 2013 21:38 Spidinko wrote: 3. I'm working on it. Good. Best of luck to you. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 24 2013 21:55 XiaoJoyce- wrote: I hope u believe in the power of positive~ So, just work hard okay? Sorry for silly statement, but I always believe, love should be like that. Believing in something or wanting to believe in something will not make it true. | ||
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 24 2013 19:34 bgx wrote: Ha, i think i suddenly started to grow some dignity in regards to myself. Which brought me to start thinking about dating. There were many reasons why i didn't do it in last few years(barring 1-2 abysmal attempts in high school). Actually what brought me to this was a simple change with my mentality. I always viewed that being "myself" should be the way to meet a girl, meaning not an act, no subliminal message stuff. But then i understood(while some other good ideas finally starting to cave into my mind), after seeing 1 comment from some guy on YT that said something like this :"While we live in civilized society, many things including our primal behavior, body messages etc. are still one of few prime factors of choosing your partner. So we should not stray away from understanding them and/or using them to our favor, because otherwise we will be still trapped in an illusion that they are gone, so to make room for *concious* decision we should first win on the first "fake" front. " I learned a lot from few videos on YT with Pick Up advices, but those were not the ones of use this text and that behavior and she is yours. It was more like describing a whole stages of man-women relantionships during first few meetings. And this is NOT equivalent of being fake. Some people like me, who had problems with self-esteem (to say the least), and saw women/girls only as friends, or run away from every ocassion (sometimes unconciously), they will almost *never* achieve something with the so called staying true or being natural. The natural for them was not to make any contact that exceeded friendship. There are many good signs i already noticed of myself, after realizing what i described earlier in 2nd paragraph, even day after. For example i started to look at girls i was passing by, i had longer eye contacts etc. While the "main dish" which is actually approaching girls is still a on a check list. You may called it a fear of looking like an hopeless idiot. I reached a phase where all my beliefs give me a green light yet there is this old barrier still (which i want to shatter, i really do). The question to any shy/used to be shy guys who managed to get a date: How was it? What were the circumstances? For example was there a moment when you thought "This is not gonna work" and it worked? If you're interested in learning from other people's experiences, the following two (long) stories may be enlightening, particularly because they represent such extreme cases: "Michael's" Comment Confessions of a Reformed InCel | ||
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aTnClouD
Italy2428 Posts
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sunprince
United States2258 Posts
On April 24 2013 22:58 aTnClouD wrote: Most girls here are really insecure and will refuse to move forward with anybody no matter how much they like him. I don't know how other guys are able to handle this but I swore to not go out with any woman who doesn't have the will to take the risk of failure as much as we do. It has nothing to do with insecurity. Girls rarely make advances because they rarely need to. The typical girl has multiple guys within her league hitting on them at any given time, so why would they bother making a move unless it's for a guy that's way above her? After all, if you had girls throwing themselves at you, would you bother to make the effort to hit on girls who weren't exceptionally attractive to you? If you want a girl to hit on you, you'll simply have to be extremely attractive to her. Unfortunately, this means that she will probably be below your league, so unless you are a very high value male yourself, she won't be all that great. | ||
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ffadicted
United States3545 Posts
On April 24 2013 16:50 Spidinko wrote: I don't think I can do any better and I'm no way near to being over her. To complicate things further she says we may get back together and needs some time alone. tbh, I don't mean to be a ass/downer, but generally when they say they "need time", it's over. Needing time is basically asking to see other people, which is just not something I couple accept seeing. I guess it might be different for you since 4 years is a long time, but I wouldn't really get my hopes up that it'll work out. Did she at least give you a reason? | ||
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