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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 22 2013 12:15 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 11:56 r.Evo wrote:On April 22 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do? Billiard or indoor climbing. Or basically anything that I'm in the mood of doing but that would be cooler with another person. Just abuse that date as getting a +1. =D She talks about bowling alot I thought about that.. so i think that'd be okay, its difficult figuring out what to do after that, cause she never says she wants to go home or anything and thats usually where i get lost in what to do..
lol, tell her what you want to do, where you wanna go, don't wait for her to make a move
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On April 22 2013 13:53 ROOTFayth wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 10:19 Zooper31 wrote:
So because some guys are crazy, I get to deal with her being rude and not telling the truth about her intentions.
Dating scene is so awesome sometimes. Still don't quite understand it, if she's at a point where it's not safe to tell a guy she's not interested, then isn't that her fault that she's hanging around crazy guys? I mean she's not like a 9-10 or something and getting hit constantly tbh.
Anyway w/e moving on. Respecting the other person and not lying comes before anything else imo, I guess people don't feel that way. No excuse for that imo. you are kinda overreacting though, so you may qualify as crazy too
Haha that's what I thought too. Just didn't want to say it...
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On April 22 2013 13:53 ROOTFayth wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 10:19 Zooper31 wrote:
So because some guys are crazy, I get to deal with her being rude and not telling the truth about her intentions.
Dating scene is so awesome sometimes. Still don't quite understand it, if she's at a point where it's not safe to tell a guy she's not interested, then isn't that her fault that she's hanging around crazy guys? I mean she's not like a 9-10 or something and getting hit constantly tbh.
Anyway w/e moving on. Respecting the other person and not lying comes before anything else imo, I guess people don't feel that way. No excuse for that imo. you are kinda overreacting though, so you may qualify as crazy too
Well I just wanted to vent and have someone else's opinion. I havent bothered her or talked to her since she told me she wasn't interested lol. I'm super shy in person, I wouldn't have said even half of this irl. I'm far from crazy lol. Mostly just a peeve of mine that I went on a rant about, over it now mostly and I'm back to being forever alone.
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I'm not posting this because I'm angry, pissed, depressed, or saddened.
But I've recently have come to discover that every girl I've ever dated have seemed to end up either in a long term relationship or recently began dating another guy within several weeks or a month after our split.
I'm not quite sure what to call that.
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On April 22 2013 14:17 DeVx wrote:
I'm not posting this because I'm angry, pissed, depressed, or saddened.
But I've recently have come to discover that every girl I've ever dated have seemed to end up either in a long term relationship or recently began dating another guy within several weeks or a month after our split.
I'm not quite sure what to call that.
Dating...?
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I feel like most girls/women like to be "got".
I've put in good effort in some areas but if you don't go at least 90% of the way, a lot of the time you won't get results. I'm perfectly content being single, which is a good thing because I refuse to put in all the effort in making something happen. Even if it's just a friendship, it seems like a lot of women are apprehensive/play hard to get/dance around the thing like it's a big game. Meh. The day I come across a challenging personality that isn't afraid to be a little bold and honest and make some moves is the day things materialize, if at all.
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On April 22 2013 14:17 DeVx wrote:
I'm not posting this because I'm angry, pissed, depressed, or saddened.
But I've recently have come to discover that every girl I've ever dated have seemed to end up either in a long term relationship or recently began dating another guy within several weeks or a month after our split.
I'm not quite sure what to call that.
Is your name Chuck?
![[image loading]](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/0/07/Good_luck_chuck_ver4.jpg/215px-Good_luck_chuck_ver4.jpg)
Slightly more serious - whilst it has not happened with every girl I've dated, it has happened to a few of them. C'est la vie.
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On April 22 2013 14:19 Reborn58 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 14:17 DeVx wrote:
I'm not posting this because I'm angry, pissed, depressed, or saddened.
But I've recently have come to discover that every girl I've ever dated have seemed to end up either in a long term relationship or recently began dating another guy within several weeks or a month after our split.
I'm not quite sure what to call that. Dating...?
It either becomes a relationship (2-3 month) or we date for several weeks to a month and then it's either "I don't have the time / I think it's getting to serious / It's not you, it's me" speech. At this point I've heard it all, seen it all, been through it all. It's hard to find stability in my dating life.
And no my name is not Chuck haha, but that was pretty good.
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So how long do you guys date a girl before making it 'official'(being bf/gf)? I was recently dating this girl that asked after the third date or so (no sex yet) if we were boyfriend and girlfriend now... I was like lolwhat? Certainly not used to this.. usuallt wait at least one or two months to make it official
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On April 22 2013 12:15 arb wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 11:56 r.Evo wrote:On April 22 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do? Billiard or indoor climbing. Or basically anything that I'm in the mood of doing but that would be cooler with another person. Just abuse that date as getting a +1. =D She talks about bowling alot I thought about that.. so i think that'd be okay, its difficult figuring out what to do after that, cause she never says she wants to go home or anything and thats usually where i get lost in what to do..
I think bowling is a bit weird with just two people but if you guys are into it, go for it. I usually prefer jumping lots of locations to build a strong connection quickly (less advisable when you have some dates already) and end it in some... "chilly" location. Lounges are awesome. Sofas are the best invention of manking when it comes to escalating the obvious.
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Wombat you sigged me! I feel confused, ebullient, and mildly sexually aroused.
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Hiho..
so I’m reading this thread for a while now and I’m hoping to find some answers on my problems or just read from other persons problems but now I need your help.
This will be a loooong story, if you are having the time and you are interested to help me: Thank you! Otherwise feel free to scroll down!
So.. first of all some facts about myself: Turning 21 in 1 month; never had a girlfriend – so no fucks either; okay-looking; very athletic (love sports/going to gym); have 2 jobs (edv-technician/fulltime + waiter in a lounge/occasional); no self-confidence (regards women, in computer games and sports I’m of course the boss ); I’m kind, helpful, smart but lazy, very emotional…
So there is this one Girl, first of all I thought I never ever would care about women (was pretty addicted to WoW and in generally not interested in one-night-stands and so on) but last year on my birthday I met this one Girl. She is just freaking amazing in every way, what she does, how she looks, her personalities, yes just all of her. But until this point it’s very uncomplicated so let’s go back some months.
She was the ex-girlfriend of one of my best friend now. I had no feelings at all for her, I was just happy that they were together and looked so happily. But things didn’t worked out and so the relationship of them broken. Then some time flows, in March she had birthday, I just congratulated her and not more. Then 29. May 2012 I turned 20. She wrote me on Facebook (Whats going on, Happy Bday and so on) in the end, I started to kidding and told her I would pick her up and we are going to drink something in town. It was pretty nice, just talked an some stuff. I drove her home at midnight, just said bye and nothing. Then on my way home I started to freak out. I was so extremely happy as never before, compared to a loot in WoW it was fucking 1:1000000. We texted some days, then I asked her out once again. It was a really nice evening. Drove her home, but I was going to her place (living at her parents’ house but got first floor for her) and talked some shit and so on. In the end I was leaving with just a good bye once again. Then it was Friday, she was going out, texting with her all the time, she was a little bit drunk I guess then I started to joke about the location she was (Club with average age of ~15) and I asked her so.. Are you going to hook up a kiddie? Reply: “Yes because you hadn’t take the opportunity.” I was a little bit shocked although I knew she was kidding, with the part about hooking up in the club >.<. I visit her at home for about 1-2x times watching with her WC-football last year, especially Portugal (surprise surprise^^). It was about 2 am, she started to get tired. I wanted to make a move, but I had no balls, until I thought fuck it, ALL IN! And yeah, I kissed her, and at the exact same moment I felt so miserable because of my friend. He knew I met someone but of course I didn’t tell him who it is. I started to apologize for kissing her (don’t know why, but I thought I had to – I was so wrong, obvious she was enjoying the kiss, just didn’t noticed it at the beginning) and the situation was really awkward. I couldn’t talk, I was shocked and overall I just apologized for my feelings for her, I feel so dumb right now. We had a conversation about my friend / her ex-friend and then I left. Texted with her, meet once again then she said she needs some time and nothing happened anymore.
Then another friend had birthday, I was so drunk that I was never before, and yeah I told my best friend that I met this one girl. He went totally crazy and what the fuck night it was. Some time passed then he was coming to me and said from his side it is all okay now. He had feelings for her until I said him I was meeting with her, so I helped him getting over her, at least it was a good for him. Time passed once again, had strong feelings for her all day and night, dreamed of her, thought of her, she was each second in my mind. I started to write her once again, she was going to professional school near my work so I picked her for about 3-4x times up and brought her home and so. Finally I asked her directly if she feels something for me she completely denied it although she didn’t convinced me really, it was more an excuse for me then her real opinion. Nonetheless I was really depressed, really affected of her. This was about last year October/November. I knew I couldn’t live so on although I had some ups with finding a job, started to go to the gym in November until today and hopefully for the next month’s/years, at least 5-6x days per week, being waiter in a lounge in our town to earn some extra money. All in all I’m happy with my life so far. I have money, pretty good friends and yeah..
Last Saturday I was working, in the Lounge and guess who is there? Of course here, I stopped working at 2am, and got really drunk. I was sitting at the Bar and she was sitting on the edge, so I could peek sometimes to her. I think she noticed me doing that and I thought if I just should go to her and her best friend and talk to them. Just a normal conversation, What’s going on and such a shit. I didn’t do it because I had no balls once again and in the other club there were my friends. So I drank more and more (normally I don’t drink because of the work out; 4x time in this year now) and we were ending up in the brothel.
Yeah.. that’s my story, I have still feelings for her but they are lesser than a few months ago. But they a still here. Yeah I know, I could life on right now and totally forget her, but I don’t feel right now to do that. Okay to be honest, I really don’t know what I should do.
Yeah.. that’s my fucking story, if you are here: thanks for reading!  It is good just to speak, or write, down all this shit. Normally I just accept all the shit and never talking about it.
Please Teamliquid, help me! :/
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On April 22 2013 14:09 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 13:53 ROOTFayth wrote:On April 22 2013 10:19 Zooper31 wrote:
So because some guys are crazy, I get to deal with her being rude and not telling the truth about her intentions.
Dating scene is so awesome sometimes. Still don't quite understand it, if she's at a point where it's not safe to tell a guy she's not interested, then isn't that her fault that she's hanging around crazy guys? I mean she's not like a 9-10 or something and getting hit constantly tbh.
Anyway w/e moving on. Respecting the other person and not lying comes before anything else imo, I guess people don't feel that way. No excuse for that imo. you are kinda overreacting though, so you may qualify as crazy too Well I just wanted to vent and have someone else's opinion. I havent bothered her or talked to her since she told me she wasn't interested lol. I'm super shy in person, I wouldn't have said even half of this irl. I'm far from crazy lol. Mostly just a peeve of mine that I went on a rant about, over it now mostly and I'm back to being forever alone.
Yeah you were just a little naive/inexperienced.
You have to realise that even if a girl is a 4/5 she will still get messages on a dating site. She still has other options. Almost all girls have multiple options at the same time and it's hard for them to make the right choice. See the world of dating is filled with *actually* good/interesting guys and lame/shitty guys masquerading as good/interesting and loads of simply lame/shitty guys. Being a girl is much more complicated than being a boy in respect of dating. You have to be constantly judging character. And remember if you get it wrong, not only can you be saddled with a creature who is worse than he made out, but in general a creature much more callous and ruthless than females, and of course you always stand the chance of being raped/ attacked if you get the judgment really wrong. Most men don't have to deal with that. Anyway what happened in your situation is probably either:
a) that the girl wasn't sure she liked you that much but for whatever reason she went for a couple of extra dates to see if you she would like you more.
b) that the girl was okay but not overjoyed about having you as an option and a better (or more interesting) option entered the table.
I would flip it round and ask what you would do in her situation, in either of these above scenarios. See some guys just literally drop contact in the case of b) and go with the other girl, not giving a shit about the girl in question. And in the case of a) they fuck her then act shitty and obtuse or even don't pick up when she calls. When compared to the alternatives, simply giving a fake explanation is actually a mercy.
Now you just gotta move on and get looking for other wimminz. I find that dating sites in general are a good way to learn some of the situation but attempting to meet girls only on dating sites is not great. Best to meet girls IRL if you can.
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I dated a girl once and she was a very attractive person. On the scale of 1 to 11 I'd rate her about a 7.41. Anyway, long story short, she had a bit of a growth spurt and this made her taller than me. I am not usually critical of myself but in this case, when I was with her I'd feel like an oompa loompa. I decided to get surgery to extend my knee length and I had to recover in hospital for 3 months, 3 months of which I didn't see her as I was in a coma. When I woke up I found myself in bed with a flower on my chest and it was shrivelled and brown. I instantly thought it was from her and this was a token of her moving on. But there was a note beside it and it said, "Dear Mr. Maclean, you haven't paid your rent for a month and we will terminate your lease without returning your $1140 bond. Here is a flower to commemorate your stay with the Hilton hotel." It hurt me deep and I started taking prescription medicine for about a year. A year on, I'm still in hospital and looking for a new place to stay that's cheap in the CBD area. It's tough trying to find a house to live in man.
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On April 22 2013 21:11 worldEnder wrote:
I dated a girl once and she was a very attractive person. On the scale of 1 to 11 I'd rate her about a 7.41. Anyway, long story short, she had a bit of a growth spurt and this made her taller than me. I am not usually critical of myself but in this case, when I was with her I'd feel like an oompa loompa. I decided to get surgery to extend my knee length and I had to recover in hospital for 3 months, 3 months of which I didn't see her as I was in a coma. When I woke up I found myself in bed with a flower on my chest and it was shrivelled and brown. I instantly thought it was from her and this was a token of her moving on. But there was a note beside it and it said, "Dear Mr. Maclean, you haven't paid your rent for a month and we will terminate your lease without returning your $1140 bond. Here is a flower to commemorate your stay with the Hilton hotel." It hurt me deep and I started taking prescription medicine for about a year. A year on, I'm still in hospital and looking for a new place to stay that's cheap in the CBD area. It's tough trying to find a house to live in man.
So what happened to the girl, was she working at Hilton and was she still attractive lol lol ?
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On April 22 2013 21:11 worldEnder wrote:
I dated a girl once and she was a very attractive person. On the scale of 1 to 11 I'd rate her about a 7.41. Anyway, long story short, she had a bit of a growth spurt and this made her taller than me. I am not usually critical of myself but in this case, when I was with her I'd feel like an oompa loompa. I decided to get surgery to extend my knee length and I had to recover in hospital for 3 months, 3 months of which I didn't see her as I was in a coma. When I woke up I found myself in bed with a flower on my chest and it was shrivelled and brown. I instantly thought it was from her and this was a token of her moving on. But there was a note beside it and it said, "Dear Mr. Maclean, you haven't paid your rent for a month and we will terminate your lease without returning your $1140 bond. Here is a flower to commemorate your stay with the Hilton hotel." It hurt me deep and I started taking prescription medicine for about a year. A year on, I'm still in hospital and looking for a new place to stay that's cheap in the CBD area. It's tough trying to find a house to live in man.
the moment when you realised the brown shrivelled thing on your chest wasnt a flower :D
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On April 22 2013 19:16 dispain wrote:Hiho.. [...] Yeah.. that’s my fucking story, if you are here: thanks for reading! It is good just to speak, or write, down all this shit. Normally I just accept all the shit and never talking about it. Please Teamliquid, help me! :/
what i'd do: tell her. the story out of your perspective, your bad conscience cause of your friend, your feelings towards her.
tell her personally.
what you should not do: pressuring her. even if she reacts positive, dont expect her to be with you (or sth like that) together in an instant. tell her it's ok if she doesnt feel the same way and that you don't want the relationship, even if its "only" friendship, to end.
with pressuring i also mean you shouldnt say "i still have strong feelings and my hearts gonna be broken if you decline anything"...well i guess you know what i mean. you know her. you should know best how to talk with her.
u dont have much to lose in this situation. if you continue like that the chances are you're going to talk rarely to her or not at all in the future.
but thats only what i would do. good luck
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On April 22 2013 16:07 B.I.G. wrote:
So how long do you guys date a girl before making it 'official'(being bf/gf)? I was recently dating this girl that asked after the third date or so (no sex yet) if we were boyfriend and girlfriend now... I was like lolwhat? Certainly not used to this.. usuallt wait at least one or two months to make it official
The last time I had a longer relationship it took about 6 months before we actually made anything.,
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Northern Ireland23792 Posts
On April 22 2013 17:21 McBengt wrote:
Wombat you sigged me! I feel confused, ebullient, and mildly sexually aroused.
Good that worked, I thought my PM to you might have had that effect but you were impervious to it for some reason :p
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United States41976 Posts
I don't see anything wrong with either party simply asking the other what the deal is. "Are we in a relationship?" "Are we exclusive?" etc. It doesn't necessarily mean they want to rush into shit, just that they want to know what's up. If you think you're exclusive but your partner doesn't and they fuck someone else you have nobody to blame but yourself for not asking.
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EPT
