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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
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Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 22 2013 09:48 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 09:44 WarSame wrote:On April 22 2013 09:43 Zooper31 wrote:
Well fuck chicks. After 3rd date she tells me she's not interested in a relationship and she said she was sorry for any confusion. Politely told her to fuck off. She contacts me through a dating website, spends time with me alone several times and compliments me. I can deal with you telling me it just didn't work out and I'm not your type, that's fine, I can handle rejection. Don't fucking play it off like it was never your intention to get into a relationship, that's just gonna piss me off. Ty for wasting my time and not having the balls to admit it. Welcome to irl /ignore. You misunderstood. She's interested in a relationship, just not with you. That's her nice way of saying it. The not nice way is the way I just said. Oh I figured that. She didn't have the balls to tell me shes not interested and lied and made it worse. Her nice way of saying it was actually 10x worse. What kind of girl logic makes what she said better than telling me the truth?
The same that makes her not go home with you when you say "Let's fuck at my place" but makes her go with you when you say "Wow, I have that movie at home we could watch that tonight!"
It's less about balls but more about previous experiences. The prettier a girl the more often she told guys that she isn't into them and some guys can be very, very disturbing if you're honest to them. One of those cases is usually enough for her to drop a bit of honesty in favor of not getting a crazy stalker.
It's also the same logic that makes us reject a girl with "I don't think we go well together" instead of "You're too fat, I hate fat chicks".
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r.Evo exactly! Quite a few guys fucking FLIP when they get shut down. If a girl gets one of those guys after that she's not gonna risk the fireworks and just end it quietly.
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So because some guys are crazy, I get to deal with her being rude and not telling the truth about her intentions.
Dating scene is so awesome sometimes. Still don't quite understand it, if she's at a point where it's not safe to tell a guy she's not interested, then isn't that her fault that she's hanging around crazy guys? I mean she's not like a 9-10 or something and getting hit constantly tbh.
Anyway w/e moving on. Respecting the other person and not lying comes before anything else imo, I guess people don't feel that way. No excuse for that imo.
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Zooper, most people don't consider that rude. They consider it polite. It's not her fault if you choose to get offended by it.
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On April 22 2013 10:23 WarSame wrote:
Zooper, most people don't consider that rude. They consider it polite. It's not her fault if you choose to get offended by it.
How is it not rude to lie to me? How is telling me she wasted my time better than telling me I wasn't a right fit for her? Like I said before I just don't understand. I've told women before I'm not interested without making up excuses. I have repsect for them and don't want to lie. If she freaks out and asks questions, I'll just avoid them and deal with it, comes with the territory.
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On April 22 2013 10:25 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 10:23 WarSame wrote:
Zooper, most people don't consider that rude. They consider it polite. It's not her fault if you choose to get offended by it. How is it not rude to lie to me? How is telling me she wasted my time better than telling me I wasn't a right fit for her? Like I said before I just don't understand. I've told women before I'm not interested without making up excuses. I have repsect for them and don't want to lie. If she freaks out and asks questions, I'll just avoid them and deal with it, comes with the territory.
That's generally considered the nice way of saying it. Being blunt and telling you that is generally considered an affront and rude. It isn't an excuse, it is a beat-around-the-bush with the intent to let you down softly. She had your best interests in mind and I think you took it the wrong way.
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On April 22 2013 10:35 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 10:25 Zooper31 wrote:On April 22 2013 10:23 WarSame wrote:
Zooper, most people don't consider that rude. They consider it polite. It's not her fault if you choose to get offended by it. How is it not rude to lie to me? How is telling me she wasted my time better than telling me I wasn't a right fit for her? Like I said before I just don't understand. I've told women before I'm not interested without making up excuses. I have repsect for them and don't want to lie. If she freaks out and asks questions, I'll just avoid them and deal with it, comes with the territory. That's generally considered the nice way of saying it. Being blunt and telling you that is generally considered an affront and rude. It isn't an excuse, it is a beat-around-the-bush with the intent to let you down softly. She had your best interests in mind and I think you took it the wrong way.
Zooper I definitely think you took it the wrong way too. It's frustrating that girls often won't be straight up but it's not to disrespect you. There's no manual on how to let someone down slowly without crushing, disappointing or angering them.
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Well thats how I see it at least. Didn't really change my mind much :/
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On April 22 2013 10:25 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 10:23 WarSame wrote:
Zooper, most people don't consider that rude. They consider it polite. It's not her fault if you choose to get offended by it. How is it not rude to lie to me? How is telling me she wasted my time better than telling me I wasn't a right fit for her? Like I said before I just don't understand. I've told women before I'm not interested without making up excuses. I have repsect for them and don't want to lie. If she freaks out and asks questions, I'll just avoid them and deal with it, comes with the territory.
Think of it more of a way of saying something in a different language. In your case "I don't want a relationship right now" is equivalent to saying "I don't want a relationship with you". Personally I also prefer honesty from people around me and usually being honest with them leads to them opening up to you, but I'm also aware that not everyone enjoys to be like that which enables me to "understand their language" and also "speak their language" if they strike me as someone who wouldn't appreciate the way I normally would treat such a situation.
Think of it as a different form of respect. That doesn't imply ill will or trying to mislead someone, it's just a different perspective.
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Northern Ireland23792 Posts
I'm with Zooper on this one, but I guess people have different mentalities. That shit drives me absolutely around the wall.
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My daughter will not be dating until she's 40. 40 year old virgin is REAL!
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On April 22 2013 11:37 Silentness wrote:
My daughter will not be dating until she's 40. 40 year old virgin is REAL!
Mine either.
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Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do?
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On April 22 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do?
Billiard or indoor climbing. Or basically anything that I'm in the mood of doing but that would be cooler with another person. Just abuse that date as getting a +1. =D
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On April 22 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do?
her
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On April 22 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do?
Uhmmm, nice date, nice dinner, see if she's down to finish a bottle of wine, maybe coffee or dessert as well, take it from there. Eye contact! Over the course of the afternoon and evening you should be able to pick up a few signals if you're paying any attention whatsoever. If you make your intentions clear enough while also providing an opportunity for her to back out gracefully, you are giving it a good shot. Think of it like extending your hand for a dance: if she wants to, she can take it, if not, at least you tried.
also, re: dating at work. It can work. My once HR-manager and I are married =D We moved on from the company together, but at the time it worked out fine. Had things turned sour, yeah, could have been messier than an average break-up. Still, if you *really* like someone I wouldn't let a common workplace be the reason you're not together. Perks include easy lunch dates and getting to see her dressed up for work on a regular basis.
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On April 22 2013 11:56 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 11:53 arb wrote:
Say you been out a few times with a certain girl, youve known her for a long time but not 100% sure where you stand, but you're going out for example.. tomorrow, and dont wanna go out like you usually do(spur of the moment plans blah blah) what would you do? Billiard or indoor climbing. Or basically anything that I'm in the mood of doing but that would be cooler with another person. Just abuse that date as getting a +1. =D
She talks about bowling alot I thought about that.. so i think that'd be okay, its difficult figuring out what to do after that, cause she never says she wants to go home or anything and thats usually where i get lost in what to do..
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On April 22 2013 10:19 Zooper31 wrote:
So because some guys are crazy, I get to deal with her being rude and not telling the truth about her intentions.
Dating scene is so awesome sometimes. Still don't quite understand it, if she's at a point where it's not safe to tell a guy she's not interested, then isn't that her fault that she's hanging around crazy guys? I mean she's not like a 9-10 or something and getting hit constantly tbh.
Anyway w/e moving on. Respecting the other person and not lying comes before anything else imo, I guess people don't feel that way. No excuse for that imo.
you are kinda overreacting though, so you may qualify as crazy too
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Northern Ireland23792 Posts
Oops, misread Zooper's post, completely. I reappraise my previous position after the re-read, although I do sympathise.
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Come up with a plan and just tell her you're doing it. Never ask a girl you're dating "so, uh, what do you want to do" girls hate that shit. Also, never ask her if she's having fun. Just assume that she is. If you ask her if she;s having a good time it says you're not confident.
I agree with the guy recommending doing something physical. This is a great idea, doing something exciting together that gets the adrenaline pumping will make her feel a lot closer to you. Plus it would be nice if you pick something that you're good at so she can be impressed by your prowess.
Whatever you decide, you will do a lot better with something creative and unique than with something generic like going for dinner. Going for dinner is fine, nothing wrong with that, but you're just doing the same thing with her that any other guy would be doing.
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EPT
