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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On April 23 2013 05:57 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 05:24 McBengt wrote:
Then kindly inform her that I will win her heart as surely as I have won yours. I have a way with women you see, my rugged good looks and dark charms never fail to impress.
Indeed, I am, to my knowledge, the only person to have ever managed to get a woman to headbutt him in the nose, fracturing the nosebone as it were, within five minutes of making her acquaintance. Was it because you told her you wanted to eat her child?
He's a man, so of course he must have done something to provoke her, right? Women don't do bad things on their own since they have no agency, amirite? /sarcasm
Would you be trying to blame the victim if it was a girl who was assaulted instead of the other way around? "Did he headbutt you because you insulted him?"
For someone who supposedly has a "mature perspective on gender issues", you've got some terribly sexist double standards.
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On April 23 2013 08:54 Zooper31 wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 08:52 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 07:18 Zooper31 wrote:On April 23 2013 07:04 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 06:52 Zooper31 wrote:On April 23 2013 04:41 QuanticHawk wrote:On April 22 2013 09:43 Zooper31 wrote:
Well fuck chicks. After 3rd date she tells me she's not interested in a relationship and she said she was sorry for any confusion. Politely told her to fuck off. She contacts me through a dating website, spends time with me alone several times and compliments me. I can deal with you telling me it just didn't work out and I'm not your type, that's fine, I can handle rejection. Don't fucking play it off like it was never your intention to get into a relationship, that's just gonna piss me off. Ty for wasting my time and not having the balls to admit it. Welcome to irl /ignore.
I am no longer going to pay for anything for a girl ever until it's the 3rd+ date. I like being chivalrous and all but I'm tired of a girl not having the guts to tell me the truth and just wasting my time and money. I ain't making bank or anything ffs. why are you going all nutso bc she wasnt interested in having a serious relationship with you?? if you went on 3 dates, she found you interesting enough to consider it. shit doesn't work out sometimes. that doesnt mean you get to freak out on a person like a fucking lunatic because they decided there wasn't much chemistry after a couple dates. You have no clue the experience I've had with women so don't judge my reaction to a single case. This is the 4th chick in a row that this has happened to me with now. As I mentioned before, it's called ranting. Four women in a row meet you and instantly decide they don't want to have anything to do with men anymore? :p Nah, 2 in relationships alrdy with other guys, other 2 idk. Don't talk to them anymore. It just gets frustrating being alone all the time really is all. Your first mistake is meeting girls through dating websites. The only reason most people are found on dating websites is because they are unable to meet dates otherwise, which is an obvious potential red flag. While it's possible that this is due to simply being too busy, shy, or have unusual kinks, it's more likely that they simply have low sexual marketplace value (single moms, unemployed dudes, fatties, crazies, etc.) Your best bet is to stay away from dating websites entirely, and failing that, you should at least screen very heavily. Screening is especially important if a girl initiates with you. The majority of the time, girls will not initiate with you unless you are seemingly out of her league, simply because she probably doesn't need to initiate to have guys within her league hitting on her already. On April 23 2013 07:34 Gahlo wrote:
Closing in on two years since my last relationship, only found 1 person remotely interesting since then but she was seeing somebody. Oh, and my ex is seeing an ex-friend of mine that I told "if you want to date her, it's fine, but tell me first" and then didn't. Yeah... What could possibly have made you think that she would listen to you? 1/4 were met online. That's not the problem per say lol. Most through work or friends. Went online for the exact reasons you said. I'm working full time and I'm a shy guy to strangers.
Fair enough. I do agree, stop paying for girls unless you're getting something in return.
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On April 23 2013 08:52 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 07:18 Zooper31 wrote:On April 23 2013 07:04 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 06:52 Zooper31 wrote:On April 23 2013 04:41 QuanticHawk wrote:On April 22 2013 09:43 Zooper31 wrote:
Well fuck chicks. After 3rd date she tells me she's not interested in a relationship and she said she was sorry for any confusion. Politely told her to fuck off. She contacts me through a dating website, spends time with me alone several times and compliments me. I can deal with you telling me it just didn't work out and I'm not your type, that's fine, I can handle rejection. Don't fucking play it off like it was never your intention to get into a relationship, that's just gonna piss me off. Ty for wasting my time and not having the balls to admit it. Welcome to irl /ignore.
I am no longer going to pay for anything for a girl ever until it's the 3rd+ date. I like being chivalrous and all but I'm tired of a girl not having the guts to tell me the truth and just wasting my time and money. I ain't making bank or anything ffs. why are you going all nutso bc she wasnt interested in having a serious relationship with you?? if you went on 3 dates, she found you interesting enough to consider it. shit doesn't work out sometimes. that doesnt mean you get to freak out on a person like a fucking lunatic because they decided there wasn't much chemistry after a couple dates. You have no clue the experience I've had with women so don't judge my reaction to a single case. This is the 4th chick in a row that this has happened to me with now. As I mentioned before, it's called ranting. Four women in a row meet you and instantly decide they don't want to have anything to do with men anymore? :p Nah, 2 in relationships alrdy with other guys, other 2 idk. Don't talk to them anymore. It just gets frustrating being alone all the time really is all. Your first mistake is meeting girls through dating websites. The only reason most people are found on dating websites is because they are unable to meet dates otherwise, which is an obvious potential red flag. While it's possible that this is due to simply being too busy, shy, or have unusual kinks, it's more likely that they simply have low sexual marketplace value (single moms, unemployed dudes, fatties, crazies, etc.) Your best bet is to stay away from dating websites entirely, and failing that, you should at least screen very heavily. Screening is especially important if a girl initiates with you. The majority of the time, girls will not initiate with you unless you are seemingly out of her league, simply because she probably doesn't need to initiate to have guys within her league hitting on her already. Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 07:34 Gahlo wrote:
Closing in on two years since my last relationship, only found 1 person remotely interesting since then but she was seeing somebody. Oh, and my ex is seeing an ex-friend of mine that I told "if you want to date her, it's fine, but tell me first" and then didn't. Yeah... What could possibly have made you think that she would listen to you?
Reread please. I was talking to, what was at the time, my friend.
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Northern Ireland23791 Posts
On April 23 2013 08:56 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 05:57 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 05:24 McBengt wrote:
Then kindly inform her that I will win her heart as surely as I have won yours. I have a way with women you see, my rugged good looks and dark charms never fail to impress.
Indeed, I am, to my knowledge, the only person to have ever managed to get a woman to headbutt him in the nose, fracturing the nosebone as it were, within five minutes of making her acquaintance. Was it because you told her you wanted to eat her child? He's a man, so of course he must have done something to provoke her, right? Women don't do bad things on their own since they have no agency, amirite? /sarcasm Would you be trying to blame the victim if it was a girl who was assaulted instead of the other way around? "Did he headbutt you because you insulted him?" For someone who supposedly has a "mature perspective on gender issues", you've got some terribly sexist double standards.
Em, you are responding to a private joke that I believe Grumbels was privvy to, regarding me and McBengt joking about him devouring my newborn son and my gf's rather less amused reaction I think
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Enjoy it while you're young whippersnappers! You'll be married with kids before you know it.
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On April 23 2013 10:21 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 08:56 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 05:57 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 05:24 McBengt wrote:
Then kindly inform her that I will win her heart as surely as I have won yours. I have a way with women you see, my rugged good looks and dark charms never fail to impress.
Indeed, I am, to my knowledge, the only person to have ever managed to get a woman to headbutt him in the nose, fracturing the nosebone as it were, within five minutes of making her acquaintance. Was it because you told her you wanted to eat her child? He's a man, so of course he must have done something to provoke her, right? Women don't do bad things on their own since they have no agency, amirite? /sarcasm Would you be trying to blame the victim if it was a girl who was assaulted instead of the other way around? "Did he headbutt you because you insulted him?" For someone who supposedly has a "mature perspective on gender issues", you've got some terribly sexist double standards. Em, you are responding to a private joke that I believe Grumbels was privvy to, regarding me and McBengt joking about him devouring my newborn son and my gf's rather less amused reaction I think
How embarrassing. Such an over-eager hate crusade on Grumbels just because Grumbels insists on treating women like human beings, lol.
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On April 23 2013 10:17 Gahlo wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 08:52 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 07:18 Zooper31 wrote:On April 23 2013 07:04 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 06:52 Zooper31 wrote:On April 23 2013 04:41 QuanticHawk wrote:On April 22 2013 09:43 Zooper31 wrote:
Well fuck chicks. After 3rd date she tells me she's not interested in a relationship and she said she was sorry for any confusion. Politely told her to fuck off. She contacts me through a dating website, spends time with me alone several times and compliments me. I can deal with you telling me it just didn't work out and I'm not your type, that's fine, I can handle rejection. Don't fucking play it off like it was never your intention to get into a relationship, that's just gonna piss me off. Ty for wasting my time and not having the balls to admit it. Welcome to irl /ignore.
I am no longer going to pay for anything for a girl ever until it's the 3rd+ date. I like being chivalrous and all but I'm tired of a girl not having the guts to tell me the truth and just wasting my time and money. I ain't making bank or anything ffs. why are you going all nutso bc she wasnt interested in having a serious relationship with you?? if you went on 3 dates, she found you interesting enough to consider it. shit doesn't work out sometimes. that doesnt mean you get to freak out on a person like a fucking lunatic because they decided there wasn't much chemistry after a couple dates. You have no clue the experience I've had with women so don't judge my reaction to a single case. This is the 4th chick in a row that this has happened to me with now. As I mentioned before, it's called ranting. Four women in a row meet you and instantly decide they don't want to have anything to do with men anymore? :p Nah, 2 in relationships alrdy with other guys, other 2 idk. Don't talk to them anymore. It just gets frustrating being alone all the time really is all. Your first mistake is meeting girls through dating websites. The only reason most people are found on dating websites is because they are unable to meet dates otherwise, which is an obvious potential red flag. While it's possible that this is due to simply being too busy, shy, or have unusual kinks, it's more likely that they simply have low sexual marketplace value (single moms, unemployed dudes, fatties, crazies, etc.) Your best bet is to stay away from dating websites entirely, and failing that, you should at least screen very heavily. Screening is especially important if a girl initiates with you. The majority of the time, girls will not initiate with you unless you are seemingly out of her league, simply because she probably doesn't need to initiate to have guys within her league hitting on her already. On April 23 2013 07:34 Gahlo wrote:
Closing in on two years since my last relationship, only found 1 person remotely interesting since then but she was seeing somebody. Oh, and my ex is seeing an ex-friend of mine that I told "if you want to date her, it's fine, but tell me first" and then didn't. Yeah... What could possibly have made you think that she would listen to you? Reread please. I was talking to, what was at the time, my friend.
Ahh, my mistake. It heartens me to hear that you no longer consider that person a friend.
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Northern Ireland23791 Posts
I am fucking confused now lawl
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On April 23 2013 10:39 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 10:21 Wombat_NI wrote:On April 23 2013 08:56 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 05:57 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 05:24 McBengt wrote:
Then kindly inform her that I will win her heart as surely as I have won yours. I have a way with women you see, my rugged good looks and dark charms never fail to impress.
Indeed, I am, to my knowledge, the only person to have ever managed to get a woman to headbutt him in the nose, fracturing the nosebone as it were, within five minutes of making her acquaintance. Was it because you told her you wanted to eat her child? He's a man, so of course he must have done something to provoke her, right? Women don't do bad things on their own since they have no agency, amirite? /sarcasm Would you be trying to blame the victim if it was a girl who was assaulted instead of the other way around? "Did he headbutt you because you insulted him?" For someone who supposedly has a "mature perspective on gender issues", you've got some terribly sexist double standards. Em, you are responding to a private joke that I believe Grumbels was privvy to, regarding me and McBengt joking about him devouring my newborn son and my gf's rather less amused reaction I think How embarrassing. Such an over-eager hate crusade on Grumbels just because Grumbels insists on treating women like human beings, lol.
Yes, I agree that human beings should have equal rights, bar ones which would make no sense sex-wise.
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so I'm not very comfortable with contact. Not from anyone. qq
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On April 23 2013 10:39 babylon wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 10:21 Wombat_NI wrote:On April 23 2013 08:56 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 05:57 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 05:24 McBengt wrote:
Then kindly inform her that I will win her heart as surely as I have won yours. I have a way with women you see, my rugged good looks and dark charms never fail to impress.
Indeed, I am, to my knowledge, the only person to have ever managed to get a woman to headbutt him in the nose, fracturing the nosebone as it were, within five minutes of making her acquaintance. Was it because you told her you wanted to eat her child? He's a man, so of course he must have done something to provoke her, right? Women don't do bad things on their own since they have no agency, amirite? /sarcasm Would you be trying to blame the victim if it was a girl who was assaulted instead of the other way around? "Did he headbutt you because you insulted him?" For someone who supposedly has a "mature perspective on gender issues", you've got some terribly sexist double standards. Em, you are responding to a private joke that I believe Grumbels was privvy to, regarding me and McBengt joking about him devouring my newborn son and my gf's rather less amused reaction I think How embarrassing. Such an over-eager hate crusade on Grumbels just because Grumbels insists on treating women like human beings, lol.
Putting women on a pedestal is the opposite of treating women like human beings.
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On April 23 2013 12:02 Kenpachi wrote:
so I'm not very comfortable with contact. Not from anyone. qq
How bad is the discomfort? To the point of haphephobia? If so, then seek therapy. If not, however, then you're going to have to get over it by gradually exposing yourself to contact so you can acclimate.
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On April 23 2013 12:14 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 12:02 Kenpachi wrote:
so I'm not very comfortable with contact. Not from anyone. qq How bad is the discomfort? To the point of haphephobia? If so, then seek therapy. If not, however, then you're going to have to get over it by gradually exposing yourself to contact so you can acclimate.
oh damn it's not that bad. I just suck with girls when it comes to contact in any form. I guess it's more like "I don't like being touched so I won't touch anyone else" kind of thing :s
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On April 23 2013 12:29 Kenpachi wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 12:14 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 12:02 Kenpachi wrote:
so I'm not very comfortable with contact. Not from anyone. qq How bad is the discomfort? To the point of haphephobia? If so, then seek therapy. If not, however, then you're going to have to get over it by gradually exposing yourself to contact so you can acclimate. oh damn it's not that bad. I just suck with girls when it comes to contact in any form. I guess it's more like "I don't like being touched so I won't touch anyone else" kind of thing :s
Then in that case, all you can do is practice. 
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So as a response to the earlier post of dating a girl for a couple of times only to find out she's not interested, I thought I'd share some lessons I have learned over my years of dating. I've had dates ranging from very successful to epic fails to girls that just want to be friends etc.
1. Don't listen to her words but rather her actions.
It's all about the body language bro. It's actually quite intuitive but there are some things to look out for such as are her arms folded, does she sit pointing towards you with her knees, keep eye contact when you talk etc. It's actually quite interesting to look up some basic stuff about body language because it's useful in all kinds of situations.
2. Girls aren't that complicated, just different.
For sure girls have thought processes that sometimes are hard to understand but for most cases they think just like guys. So don't go crazy thinking about what does she mean by this etc etc, because usually it just means what your gut tells you it means. She's sending one word answers to your elaborate texts? Probably not interested, just being polite. She says she can't meet and doesn't come up with an alternative date? Seems like you just got shut down.
3. Don't take advice from friends on how to get he girl.
If there's one thing I've learned is that there are thousands of reasons a girl could either like or dislike you. You gotta find out what works best for you. Some guys reap the benefits of their raw manliness, , while others have succes due to their wittiness and way with words. The expression just be yourself is so very true. Usually taking advice from friends based on how they would do it does more harm than good.
What I'm actually saying is is that most of this dating stuff should be completely intuitive. No magic tricks, no PUA crap, just common sense.
Also keep in mind that usually for every ten times you try, you'll fail nine. So trying a lot doesn't hurt :D
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Idk man, the idea of dating being a numbers game doesn't feel right in my book. That's not how I want it to go down, you know?. You meet people, get to know them, and sometimes one thing will lead to the next. How often depends on your personality, how approachable you are, your interests, ect.
Is it weird to dislike the 'try to get the girl every time and eventually it'll work' mentality? What's wrong with getting to know somebody and making a connection just by being yourself, not necessarily trying to seduce them?
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On April 23 2013 12:12 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On April 23 2013 10:39 babylon wrote:On April 23 2013 10:21 Wombat_NI wrote:On April 23 2013 08:56 sunprince wrote:On April 23 2013 05:57 Grumbels wrote:On April 23 2013 05:24 McBengt wrote:
Then kindly inform her that I will win her heart as surely as I have won yours. I have a way with women you see, my rugged good looks and dark charms never fail to impress.
Indeed, I am, to my knowledge, the only person to have ever managed to get a woman to headbutt him in the nose, fracturing the nosebone as it were, within five minutes of making her acquaintance. Was it because you told her you wanted to eat her child? He's a man, so of course he must have done something to provoke her, right? Women don't do bad things on their own since they have no agency, amirite? /sarcasm Would you be trying to blame the victim if it was a girl who was assaulted instead of the other way around? "Did he headbutt you because you insulted him?" For someone who supposedly has a "mature perspective on gender issues", you've got some terribly sexist double standards. Em, you are responding to a private joke that I believe Grumbels was privvy to, regarding me and McBengt joking about him devouring my newborn son and my gf's rather less amused reaction I think How embarrassing. Such an over-eager hate crusade on Grumbels just because Grumbels insists on treating women like human beings, lol. Putting women on a pedestal is the opposite of treating women like human beings.
How does treating people respectfully equate to putting them on a pedestal?
On April 23 2013 13:18 Steel wrote:
Idk man, the idea of dating being a numbers game doesn't feel right in my book. That's not how I want it to go down, you know?. You meet people, get to know them, and sometimes one thing will lead to the next. How often depends on your personality, how approachable you are, your interests, ect.
Is it weird to dislike the 'try to get the girl every time and eventually it'll work' mentality? What's wrong with getting to know somebody and making a connection just by being yourself, not necessarily trying to seduce them?
Nothing's weird with that (and I personally think it's more natural to let things develop that way, but that's just me). It's probably less common in certain age brackets, though.
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Northern Ireland23791 Posts
Genuinely don't give a fuck, relax and you'll do ok.
Much of what I read in this thread is either self-pitying whining or attempts to seek validation. Go watch the Simpsons, observe the Milhouse-Bart dynamic. You are acting like Milhouse, do you want to be a Milhouse? The other segment are the types who find it interesting to brag about how much sex they are having, or the latest PUA book they read. Nothing is more boring to me, but tbf there are useful things in there.
Just I don't know, chill out. Go play some Starcraft, do finger-painting, learn some sick yo-yo skills. Relationships do enhance much of life, but they add additional problems to it as well. By overly worrying about being single/lonely, you fall into habits that make you less attractive to other people, which is creating some endless feedback loop as a result.
I'd tell you my background, but it's really rather atypical and close to useless as any kind of 'advice' or tale in itself.
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On April 23 2013 13:33 Wombat_NI wrote:
Genuinely don't give a fuck, relax and you'll do ok.
Much of what I read in this thread is either self-pitying whining or attempts to seek validation. Go watch the Simpsons, observe the Milhouse-Bart dynamic. You are acting like Milhouse, do you want to be a Milhouse? The other segment are the types who find it interesting to brag about how much sex they are having, or the latest PUA book they read. Nothing is more boring to me, but tbf there are useful things in there.
Just I don't know, chill out. Go play some Starcraft, do finger-painting, learn some sick yo-yo skills. Relationships do enhance much of life, but they add additional problems to it as well. By overly worrying about being single/lonely, you fall into habits that make you less attractive to other people, which is creating some endless feedback loop as a result.
I'd tell you my background, but it's really rather atypical and close to useless as any kind of 'advice' or tale in itself.
probably the sickest single line ever... in terms of dating advice... omg that made me so happy to read.
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On April 22 2013 23:09 amaDeus wrote:Show nested quote +On April 22 2013 19:16 dispain wrote:Hiho.. [...] Yeah.. that’s my fucking story, if you are here: thanks for reading!  It is good just to speak, or write, down all this shit. Normally I just accept all the shit and never talking about it. Please Teamliquid, help me! :/ what i'd do: tell her. the story out of your perspective, your bad conscience cause of your friend, your feelings towards her. tell her personally. what you should not do: pressuring her. even if she reacts positive, dont expect her to be with you (or sth like that) together in an instant. tell her it's ok if she doesnt feel the same way and that you don't want the relationship, even if its "only" friendship, to end. with pressuring i also mean you shouldnt say "i still have strong feelings and my hearts gonna be broken if you decline anything"...well i guess you know what i mean. you know her. you should know best how to talk with her. u dont have much to lose in this situation. if you continue like that the chances are you're going to talk rarely to her or not at all in the future. but thats only what i would do. good luck
okay fine thanks.. i dont think its going well, neither friendship or relationship.. but okay..
so and how i should get her to talk with me? should i write her a sms or just wait that i see her the next time.. i really dont know.. im pretty noobish :/
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EPT
