I can feel my ass cheeks slapping together with great force, almost painfully, yet the chair absorbs all. The suddenly empty feeling of my stomach is surprisingly satisfying.

roffle, awesome

decafchicken

United States20090 Posts

January 21 2006 06:14 GMT

#25

Computer Chair-THE REMIX

I'm in the computer lab when I feel that familiar rumbling below my belly. I have to rip one. Big time. It hurts so bad that I know if I stand up it'll force its way out. So I'm stuck there struggling against an imminent fart in a room full of people.

I look around at my peers there in the computer lab. If any of them are under similar pressures, they aren't showing it.

I decide to squeeze out the littlest bit. Just to take the edge off of the pain. It's risky and I know it. When something is that eager to escape, opening the door is ill-advised.

I very carefully release my grip on the beast.

Oh shit! That was way bigger than planned! I feverishly try to look like somebody who didn't just fart in public. I'm writing with my right hand and typing with my left. I'm reading the monitor and a book at the same time. My furrowed brow only hints at the wealth of activity taking place in my mind. It should be inconceivable that somebody this involved can also be farting.

But wait a minute. That thing didn't make a sound. I didn't hear a whisper of what felt like a hearty, burrito-induced ass clap. I've been spared (clearly) by the fart muffling technology of the computer lab chair. I'm pleased and I see opportunty. If the chair can muffle that much, it can muffle a little more.

Blinded by the relief the first fart provided, I push the limits of the chair with the second one. The duration is short but the flow rate is massive. It feels like POW! but it sounds like...

Silence.

This chair is truly amazing! I felt those vibrations up and down my back, but I didn't hear a single note of it. At this point I could safely stand up and walk out to take care of the rest in private, but why bother? This chair cannot be overcome.

I let it all go, and I mean I am going for the gold with this one. A broadening smile forms across my face as the backs of my legs are vibrated into numbness. I can feel my ass cheeks slapping together with great force, almost painfully, yet the chair absorbs all. The suddenly empty feeling of my stomach is surprisingly satisfying.

I return my hands, which had been braced against the desk throughout the tumultuous fart, to the arm rests of this marvelous chair. I triumphantly lean back, pleased with what I've gotten away with.

Then archers. Thousands of them. Out of no where, appearing all over the porch, doorway and house. They start shooting bows at me and her, and I carry her to safety outside. But I was wrong. Ninjas. Thousands of them. They start shooting their stars at us.

I quickly ran into a sewer that had an open lid. Me and her were both wet. I ran all the way in the end, then ninja mutant ninja turtles. Only four of them. They were actually nice, gave me some pizza, and soon enough they killed all of the enemies.

So then I went back home, exhausted and tired as hell. But I can say that was the greatest night of my life. Next time I'll call her and hopefully we'll do some more intense farting.

HowitZer

United States1610 Posts

January 21 2006 06:21 GMT

#26

My Dad is the master at farting in public without anyone knowing. He'll wait for the perfect time when the background noise is loud enough, people are a certain distance away and they not noticing to let one rip. They rarely smell so I don't mind that much, but it makes me feel annoyed that I have to put up with it. I'm the type that only farts when I take a dump. I very rarely feel the need to do it any other time. Don't know if it's what I eat or if it's just natural.

SwedishHero

Sweden869 Posts

January 21 2006 06:23 GMT

#27

Yesterday , while driving I layed the nastyest fart in the fucking galaxy, a friend behind puked in the car,, the other one was close(luckily he was abit sick), and belive me it was fucking nasty, everybody in the car thought I had shit my pants, the smell didnt go away for hours(completely)
Man was it nasty, dont know how the fuck I succeded

Xeofreestyler

Belgium6774 Posts

January 21 2006 06:34 GMT

#28

ew.
A friend of mine was lighting all his farts at a festival last summer, lol
And he must've eaten beans or something cuz damn, he didnt fart a little bit :/

HappyManRun

1111 Posts

January 21 2006 06:46 GMT

#29

You know, the secret about farting with out sound is to stretch your buttlocks abit, so your anus becomes more open. THen you fart. So your butts won't make such a small crack and vibrate, instead it is opened up and the gas will flow out with out any vibrations = soundless.

lolo40489

18 Posts

January 21 2006 06:57 GMT

#30

when u fart u can lift up your butt and fart on the side of the chair and be proud of it.

Xd2

Peru77 Posts

January 21 2006 07:04 GMT

#31

here are a little funfacts about farting and how u can prevent the fuking sound:

- put your hand in your ass crack so that the fart can be soften im serious just place your hand in the ass and 100% of the time the fart will not sound, the problem is how to place ur hand in the ass without being noticed -_- ( recommended)

- when a fart is gonna join a conversation COUGH this will camuflage the sound and when somebody smell it you can blame another person easily.

Passion

Netherlands1486 Posts

January 21 2006 07:42 GMT

#32

On January 21 2006 16:04 Xd2 wrote:
here are a little funfacts about farting and how u can prevent the fuking sound:

- put your hand in your ass crack so that the fart can be soften im serious just place your hand in the ass and 100% of the time the fart will not sound, the problem is how to place ur hand in the ass without being noticed -_- ( recommended)

- when a fart is gonna join a conversation COUGH this will camuflage the sound and when somebody smell it you can blame another person easily.

you could also just fart with full power and magnificent thunderlike sound, then just look really really guilty and say sorry. then order an other beer. (recommended)

Coulthard

Greece3359 Posts

January 21 2006 08:05 GMT

#33

lol funny shit

Syst[eM]

335 Posts

January 21 2006 08:57 GMT

#34

lolo40489 . January 21 2006 14:20. Posts 8 PM Profile Buddy Quote

no more funny stories?

WHY THE HELL ARE YOU BUMPING THESE OLD POSTS?
IF THEY DIED IT IS BECAUSE WE DON'T CARE ANYMORE

decafchicken

United States20090 Posts

January 21 2006 12:11 GMT

#35

Or you could just spread your cheeks slightly so that when the air comes out there is no flapping sound. Works like a charm. I havent made a farting sound in months :/