|
On October 30 2010 00:15 JackMcCoy wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On October 30 2010 00:05 Happy.fairytail wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 22:42 ArbAttack wrote:
On one hand, I feel so sorry for my GF because I love her and I’ve been showering her with attention and care, but on the other hand, I’ve also developed feelings of contempt and anger towards her which I cannot communicate. Every time that I’ve tried to bring up subjects of her past (casually, jokingly, seriously, understandingly, etc. you name it) she becomes very guarded and irritated.
Now, I TRY SO HARD, I honest do, to just let it go. I try so hard to forget, or least not think about it, but I just can’t do it. I get irritated and depressed whenever her past crosses my mind, which unfortunately has become quite often. I really want to be a big person here, but I guess I’m just not one. All the mystery and making out with dozens of guys aside, I just can’t comprehend what she was thinking with her ex – why did she let a guy, who obviously didn’t love her and treated her like shit, fuck her especially for the first time (that ended in her ex dumping her a week later)? Now that I think about it, we had oral sex 2 weeks into our relationship, then sex 2 weeks after that. That was really fast for me, but she seemed completely okay and open with it. Why am I complaining about my hot GF that puts out? Well, combined with her past history this really makes me wonder about her integrity and fidelity as a person.
Despite all the media desensitization towards sex I have to say, at least in my social/cultural group, SEX IS A BIG DEAL, especially for the first time.
This girl loves me a lot, and I love her back. I’ve been otherwise extremely happy with her and I ‘m sure the same is true for her as well. I know that what matters is her present with me not the past, which is nothing short of the utmost loyalty, care, dependency and love towards me; I should just fucking be happy. But her past is like a fucking insect in the back of my skull, it’s a mental thing that gnaws at my brain whenever I think about it and I just wish I CAN STOP FEELING THIS WAY.
Holy crap I can't believe how harsh almost everyone in this thread has been on the OP. Ya'll are pretending like sex doesn't matter? Get real, people totally care about who slept with who, and how many times. I don't know one person who has the same cavalier attitude that 90% of posters in this thread claim. These things do matter, someone's sex history is a very sensitive and personal topic -- why? Because it's baggage you're bringing to the relationship. Everyone has baggage -- emotional, sexual, self-esteem, childhood abuse, religious experience, etc. You can't simply dismiss these things, and I really question whether 90% of the posters in this thread have ever had a meaningfully intimate relationship that has had to deal with the real baggage, the real issues in life. And like I said, everyone has baggage -- everyone is insecure about something, if they're real enough to admit it. OP, I just wanna say that what you're feeling is totally normal. In fact, it's my opinion that what you're feeling is a result of your relationship progressing somewhat too quickly. Talking about such intimate topics, and any real deep issues really, require a lot of trust and commitment in the relationship -- which can only be cultivated by time. Otherwise, it's not safe for her to share such things, and you may not be in a position where you truly love her enough to stay with her and fully and unconditionally support her through it. OP, let me just repeat what I've said -- what you're feeling is normal. Everyone has baggage, and it's difficult for us to deal with it, especially if it's brought up too early in a relationship. My advice is right now, I think you should continue talking it out with your close guy friends, and just get it off your chest ... wait a couple of days to clear your head, you don't want to say anything stupid on the spur of the moment. Then decide for yourself how you want the relationship to proceed. (Personsally, I'm rooting for you to slow down, take the time to know her, and try to push off having a serious conversation about the sex thing as long as possible until the relationship has deepened enough where both of you feel safe enough to talk about it) Hope this helps. good post. it takes a lot of confidence to understand and proclaim that everyone else in here is wrong. everyone does have baggage, and if 90% of the posters here never had a relationship with baggage, then we can conclude that 90% of the people here never had a relationship at all, which I guess is pretty standard for gamers lol. they're all just theorycrafting about girls, which is why their don't understand your and the OPs viewpoint (the one and only correct view point)
You're a troll, but I still see the merit of what you're saying. You're right, I was too harsh as well ... I was just flabbergasted at how many people are attacking the OP in this thread. Apologies for being presumptuous like that.
Edit: I've edited and toned down my previous post
|
On October 30 2010 00:05 Happy.fairytail wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 22:42 ArbAttack wrote:
On one hand, I feel so sorry for my GF because I love her and I’ve been showering her with attention and care, but on the other hand, I’ve also developed feelings of contempt and anger towards her which I cannot communicate. Every time that I’ve tried to bring up subjects of her past (casually, jokingly, seriously, understandingly, etc. you name it) she becomes very guarded and irritated.
Now, I TRY SO HARD, I honest do, to just let it go. I try so hard to forget, or least not think about it, but I just can’t do it. I get irritated and depressed whenever her past crosses my mind, which unfortunately has become quite often. I really want to be a big person here, but I guess I’m just not one. All the mystery and making out with dozens of guys aside, I just can’t comprehend what she was thinking with her ex – why did she let a guy, who obviously didn’t love her and treated her like shit, fuck her especially for the first time (that ended in her ex dumping her a week later)? Now that I think about it, we had oral sex 2 weeks into our relationship, then sex 2 weeks after that. That was really fast for me, but she seemed completely okay and open with it. Why am I complaining about my hot GF that puts out? Well, combined with her past history this really makes me wonder about her integrity and fidelity as a person.
Despite all the media desensitization towards sex I have to say, at least in my social/cultural group, SEX IS A BIG DEAL, especially for the first time.
This girl loves me a lot, and I love her back. I’ve been otherwise extremely happy with her and I ‘m sure the same is true for her as well. I know that what matters is her present with me not the past, which is nothing short of the utmost loyalty, care, dependency and love towards me; I should just fucking be happy. But her past is like a fucking insect in the back of my skull, it’s a mental thing that gnaws at my brain whenever I think about it and I just wish I CAN STOP FEELING THIS WAY.
Holy crap I can't believe how harsh almost everyone in this thread has been on the OP. He said he knows he has to let it go, he wants to let it go, but he's having a tough time getting over it. Also, most of ya'll are pretending like sex doesn't matter? Get real, people totally care about who slept with who, and how many times. I don't know one person who has the same cavalier attitude that 90% of posters in this thread claim. These things do matter, someone's sex history is a very sensitive and personal topic -- why? Because it's baggage you're bringing to the relationship. Everyone has baggage -- emotional, sexual, self-esteem, childhood abuse, religious experience, etc. You can't simply dismiss these things, and I really question whether 90% of the posters in this thread have ever had a meaningfully intimate relationship that has had to deal with the real baggage, the real issues in life. And like I said, everyone has baggage -- everyone is insecure about something, if they're real enough to admit it. OP, I just wanna say that what you're feeling is totally normal. In fact, it's my opinion that what you're feeling is a result of your relationship progressing somewhat too quickly. Talking about such intimate topics, and any real deep issues really, require a lot of trust and commitment in the relationship -- which can only be cultivated by time. Otherwise, it's not safe for her to share such things, and you may not be in a position where you truly love her enough to stay with her and fully and unconditionally support her through it. OP, let me just repeat what I've said -- what you're feeling is normal. Everyone has baggage, and it's difficult for us to deal with it, especially if it's brought up too early in a relationship. My advice is right now, I think you should continue talking it out with your close guy friends, and just get it off your chest ... wait a couple of days to clear your head, you don't want to say anything stupid on the spur of the moment. Then decide for yourself how you want the relationship to proceed. (Personsally, I'm rooting for you to slow down, take the time to know her, and try to push off having a serious conversation about the sex thing as long as possible until the relationship has deepened enough where both of you feel safe enough to talk about it) Hope this helps.
Thanks for the input, nice to hear the other side of the spectrum.
On October 30 2010 00:10 JackMcCoy wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 23:53 ArbAttack wrote:On October 29 2010 23:18 Salv wrote:
What I mean is: Is the problem that you think she might cheat on you, or that you just hate her past so much?
Not worried about cheating, we both made it clear that the relationship ends as soon as one of us cheats and she loves me enough not to do so. On October 29 2010 23:29 Pengu1n wrote:
You never mentioned if she had sex with any of these random guys just that she made out with them. I understand how it can bother you, but I think the real reason it bothers you is because you don't do the same thing. You don't make out with random hot girls you meet.
Nope I'm sure she was just making out with them, I know her (and her friends) well enough to know that. If she did, I wouldn't be dating her at all. On October 29 2010 23:35 Chill wrote:
You have massive confidence issues. You should probably fix them. Mind telling me why? I know you're always super harsh on these blogs Chill because you want to feel as if you're a world-class psychologist diagnosing the problems of TLers in sharp one liners, but you're not always right. You always think you're right so if you can determine the confidence level of someone over 1 blog (or a few, I know you have nothing better to do but check the posting history of anonymous internet posters) then by all means, go and become a real fucking psychologist. FYI, I'm a pretty good looking guy with an enjoyable social circle, and female acquaintances that I can call up to date anytime I want. In fact, I still have 2 so-called "backups", not bad looking ones either. Not that any of this carries any weight on a forum; I'm not trying to defend myself against your statement (I couldn't care less about what you say when you just make a completely negative and noncontributing statement like that), I came here for advice on a real problem so all I'm saying to you is that, you're wrong, either contribute or refrain (I'd use more appropriate/harsher expressions but you are a mod) from posting in these blogs. Thanks. whoa man, chill out. hes just telling you that you seem really unconfident (which is true). like, he says 1 line about your confidence and you freak out, its not a big deal. i mean, its excellent that you think you're good looking, and neat that you have "backups" (altho im not sure why a secure person would need backups) but thats no reason to get so aggressive vs someone who came in here to help you. look, none of us here really know why your gf needs to hook up with so many guys, it could be an issue from her past or it could just be part of her personality. it's up to you to see if you're man enough to deal with it, and from the looks of your posting, im not sure.
Nope, if you made a thread about failing an exam, and someone came in just to say wow you're retarded, that's not helping at all.
I reacted the way I did because I just hate trolls.
And yes, I already said maybe I'm just not a big person, that was the whole point of my OP. Thanks for posting regardless.
|
making out? really? =/
On the sex issue: How many times did it happen? What were her reasons?
If you say it was just once, then she probably learned from her mistakes.
Now I do understand the coming from a conservative society thing, but here are your choices.
1) Get Over it
2) Let it trouble you for the rest of your relationship (however long it lasts)
3) Don't have any of that shit because well fuck in your view the bitch is despicable and shallow; why would you want to be with anyone like that in the first place?
Which one do you prefer?
|
Let it go. My GF has a waaaaay more fucked up past that bothered me way more I'd say more but I need my account name to change first ><. You learn to look past it and just say she's worth it (unless she isn't worth it and you never look past it). I'm pretty damn conservative myself like you ( bothered by her past "experiences") and you'll get over it.
\
Edit: sorry if i'm not making much sense. Haven't slept for a day
|
On October 29 2010 23:53 ArbAttack wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 23:35 Chill wrote:
You have massive confidence issues. You should probably fix them. Mind telling me why? I know you're always super harsh on these blogs Chill because you want to feel as if you're a world-class psychologist diagnosing the problems of TLers in sharp one liners, but you're not always right. You always think you're right so if you can determine the confidence level of someone over 1 blog (or a few, I know you have nothing better to do but check the posting history of anonymous internet posters) then by all means, go and become a real fucking psychologist.
it is prty obvious, Chill is the korean guy she made out with
|
Wow, how did you do it? Invent that time machine i mean! Somehow you teleported everyone in this thread back fifty years in time, cool!
Edit: wow, the way you responded to Chill! You sure told us all, you have no reason to be nothing but very confident of the confidence with which you live your life! I'm convinced!
|
You're in a relationship with the girl, not her past. Who cares what she may have done, if she isn't doing it anymore and you are happy with her that is all that matters.
|
The relationship wont last if you can't trust her. either let it go or break it off. If you love her you'll do the first, if it gets to you that much, then you'll do the second.
|
On October 29 2010 23:53 ArbAttack wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 23:35 Chill wrote:
You have massive confidence issues. You should probably fix them. Mind telling me why? I know you're always super harsh on these blogs Chill because you want to feel as if you're a world-class psychologist diagnosing the problems of TLers in sharp one liners, but you're not always right. You always think you're right so if you can determine the confidence level of someone over 1 blog (or a few, I know you have nothing better to do but check the posting history of anonymous internet posters) then by all means, go and become a real fucking psychologist. FYI, I'm a pretty good looking guy with an enjoyable social circle, and female acquaintances that I can call up to date anytime I want. In fact, I still have 2 so-called "backups", not bad looking ones either. Not that any of this carries any weight on a forum; I'm not trying to defend myself against your statement (I couldn't care less about what you say when you just make a completely negative and noncontributing statement like that), I came here for advice on a real problem so all I'm saying to you is that, you're wrong, either contribute or refrain (I'd use more appropriate/harsher expressions but you are a mod) from posting in these blogs. Thanks.
loooooooool
bout time for some pics, don't ya think?? the public court demands evidence to back your claims
|
Calgary25969 Posts
On October 30 2010 00:42 baller wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 23:53 ArbAttack wrote:On October 29 2010 23:35 Chill wrote:
You have massive confidence issues. You should probably fix them. Mind telling me why? I know you're always super harsh on these blogs Chill because you want to feel as if you're a world-class psychologist diagnosing the problems of TLers in sharp one liners, but you're not always right. You always think you're right so if you can determine the confidence level of someone over 1 blog (or a few, I know you have nothing better to do but check the posting history of anonymous internet posters) then by all means, go and become a real fucking psychologist. it is prty obvious, Chill is the korean guy she made out with
No, I'm the short ugly guy that fucked her and left his head spinning.
|
It's all been said before, but the more confirmation you get from multiple sources the better. You need to let it go, and you need to realize where her permiscuity originates from. It's probably that boyfriend who used her for sex, and after that she's probably felt extremely insecure especially if that was her first boyfriend. So you're thinking about this completely wrong. Instead of seeing what you can do to make yourself feel better, think of what you can do to make her more secure, so that you know she'll change for the better. Be nice to her, show her the beauty of love, and maintain a healthy communicative relationship with her and eventually, these feelings you have will go away. It's normal for someone who hasn't been in many relationships to feel resentment about dating someone who has trust me, most guys who've been in that situation feel the same. Ultimately you have two choices. Dump her, or work your ass off on the relationship. However, from personal experience, when you dump a girl who's past you hate, you immediately feel resentment for yourself and no longer care about her past or other girls pasts. But I wouldn't suggest it D:
Edit: It'd be cool if someother mod would warn/temp-ban chill for being such a douche :3
|
Calgary25969 Posts
On October 30 2010 00:54 ThE.SparkZ wrote:
Edit: It'd be cool if someother mod would warn/temp-ban chill for being such a douche :3
Comment 1 was genuine and justified.
Comment 2 in response to his ridiculous response.
No problems here. If you problems with moderation, PM a moderator directly.
|
On October 30 2010 00:58 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2010 00:54 ThE.SparkZ wrote:
Edit: It'd be cool if someother mod would warn/temp-ban chill for being such a douche :3 Comment 1 was genuine and justified. Comment 2 in response to his ridiculous response. No problems here. If you problems with moderation, PM a moderator directly.
Lol @ how fast he f5's to check if anyone was offended by his posts
User was temp banned for this post.
|
After me an my ex broke up she fucked 10 guys in 7 months and lapped # of people we each fucked, She was my 5th, I was her first and now she at 10. It was pretty painful finding that out but shit happens. I fucked her the most and the longest and I guess thats what it really comes down to. If I do the math, in my 2 years of fucking her I was the equiviliant of 20 guys on the street, thats pretty baller right? Basically hot girls get lots of sex and its the price you pay for fucking one. Once its over she gonna be loose and everyone will try to hit it.
|
dont try to figure out women, you will spend the rest of your life trying to do that.
Bitches be crazy
|
On October 30 2010 00:58 Chill wrote:Show nested quote +On October 30 2010 00:54 ThE.SparkZ wrote:
Edit: It'd be cool if someother mod would warn/temp-ban chill for being such a douche :3 Comment 1 was genuine and justified. Comment 2 in response to his ridiculous response. No problems here. If you problems with moderation, PM a moderator directly.
Nice to see you abuse your moderator position as always.
I'm going to ban you from my blogs, because you (often) contribute nothing but elitist smart-ass remarks, then degenerate into flat-out douchebaggery when someone disagrees with your snobby bullshit. If you have a problem with someone's response, fucking retort and respond like a human being instead of posting this shit:
On October 30 2010 00:50 Chill wrote:
No, I'm the short ugly guy that fucked her and left his head spinning.
If you weren't a mod you would have been banned right away. I hope sincerely you aren't as big of an asshole in real life as you are on TL. You sir, have problems of your own when someone puts you in your place and you react like an angry nerd (What I said about having nothing better to do than checking the posting history of bloggers, then personally attacking them. Whether you get a kick out of it is relevant; it's a sad hobby nonetheless).
I apologize for snapping a huge nerve of yours, have a nice day and goodbye.
Cheers.
|
wait, you snapped his nerve???
|
Swype owns my spelling. I also don't mean to be harsh but this is a simple fact of life. Get used to it.On October 30 2010 00:05 Happy.fairytail wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 22:42 ArbAttack wrote:
On one hand, I feel so sorry for my GF because I love her and I’ve been showering her with attention and care, but on the other hand, I’ve also developed feelings of contempt and anger towards her which I cannot communicate. Every time that I’ve tried to bring up subjects of her past (casually, jokingly, seriously, understandingly, etc. you name it) she becomes very guarded and irritated.
Now, I TRY SO HARD, I honest do, to just let it go. I try so hard to forget, or least not think about it, but I just can’t do it. I get irritated and depressed whenever her past crosses my mind, which unfortunately has become quite often. I really want to be a big person here, but I guess I’m just not one. All the mystery and making out with dozens of guys aside, I just can’t comprehend what she was thinking with her ex – why did she let a guy, who obviously didn’t love her and treated her like shit, fuck her especially for the first time (that ended in her ex dumping her a week later)? Now that I think about it, we had oral sex 2 weeks into our relationship, then sex 2 weeks after that. That was really fast for me, but she seemed completely okay and open with it. Why am I complaining about my hot GF that puts out? Well, combined with her past history this really makes me wonder about her integrity and fidelity as a person.
Despite all the media desensitization towards sex I have to say, at least in my social/cultural group, SEX IS A BIG DEAL, especially for the first time.
This girl loves me a lot, and I love her back. I’ve been otherwise extremely happy with her and I ‘m sure the same is true for her as well. I know that what matters is her present with me not the past, which is nothing short of the utmost loyalty, care, dependency and love towards me; I should just fucking be happy. But her past is like a fucking insect in the back of my skull, it’s a mental thing that gnaws at my brain whenever I think about it and I just wish I CAN STOP FEELING THIS WAY.
Holy crap I can't believe how harsh almost everyone in this thread has been on the OP. He said he knows he has to let it go, he wants to let it go, but he's having a tough time getting over it. Here's the thing -- sex does matter in a relationship. People totally care about who slept with who, and how many times. These things do matter, someone's sex history is a very sensitive and personal topic -- why? Because it's baggage you're bringing to the relationship. Everyone has baggage -- emotional, sexual, self-esteem, childhood abuse, religious experience, etc. You can't simply dismiss these things, and any meaningfully intimate relationship has to deal with the real baggage, the real issues in life. And like I said, everyone has baggage -- everyone is insecure about something, if they're real enough to admit it. OP, I just wanna say that what you're feeling is totally normal. In fact, it's my opinion that what you're feeling is a result of your relationship progressing somewhat too quickly. Talking about such intimate topics, and any real deep issues really, require a lot of trust and commitment in the relationship -- which can only be cultivated by time. Otherwise, it's not safe for her to share such things, and you may not be in a position where you truly love her enough to stay with her and fully and unconditionally support her through it. OP, let me just repeat what I've said -- what you're feeling is normal. Everyone has baggage, and it's difficult for us to deal with it, especially if it's brought up too early in a relationship. My advice is right now, I think you should continue talking it out with your close guy friends, and just get it off your chest ... wait a couple of days to clear your head, you don't want to say anything stupid on the spur of the moment. Then decide for yourself how you want the relationship to proceed. (Personsally, I'm rooting for you to slow down, take the time to know her, and try to push off having a serious conversation about the sex thing as long as possible until the relationship has deepened enough where both of you feel safe enough to talk about it) Hope this helps. Edit: took out the aggressive/attacking sentences out of my post...
Want to know why people ate harsh? Belly aching over something you can't control is the most pointless thing you can do.
There is really nothing else to do besides to get the fuck over it. My girlfriend was a hell of a lot motte promiscuous than I was and yea it bugged me for awhile...until I realized it had no bearing on our relationship now.
So either resolve this issue quick and get over it or put your relationship in jeopardy. You don't haber many options other than that. Nothing changes the past
|
So, ArbAttack, have you checked if she has any STDs? I just wanted to make sure since they are dangerous! And I understand that you dislike how your current GF handled sex carelessly, but if she learnt that such behavior is wrong and not doing it anymore and have been looking for someone like you who respects her and who knows how to treat her in bed, why should you hate her for it? I mean, you should look at yourself as her savior for being a respectful man to her. That's how I would solve your relationship. Thanks for reading my opinion.
|
iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
got a question for you (bear in mind I haven't read the comments in this thread so this is 100% from your OP)
Are you korean? In fact, replace the "are" with YOU ARE!
How do I know? You said you wanted to "be a big person" when the saying is actually "be the bigger person."
Please let me know if I was correct.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
