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3861 Posts
I miss being the fan girl. I've never been the type to bring gifts and scream and swoon, but I did love the whole hype of getting my picture taken with Pro Starcraft players and giggle to myself quietly in glee for having met them.
After I've started working in e-sports (very haphazardly, might I add; I don't even know how this all happened) I've lost that giddy feeling. Knowing the players and what they do behind the scenes has killed my image of these sweet innocent players. What they say on interviews is not really how they think and talk. The politics involved with reporters, casters, coaches, etc. has really put me off on the whole scene.
I enjoyed SC much more when it was me and a few friends in front of the TV watching players do what they do.
But at the same time, I'm glad that I was thrown into this; I've always been a person who loves community settings and being able to provide things for those who don't have access to it. (Maybe it's my motherly instinct, I dunno) I'm glad that I can translate stuff, interview, and talk to managers about merchandise, etc for you guys because I know how appreciative people are, here on TL. It's the same reason why Nevergg takes her pictures and goes to every single PL, even though we both work 40 hour weeks (or more). We do it for you guys.
I'm not sure what my post really is about, to be honest, but I'm going to continue babbling.
Now that GOM Season 2 has come to a close I need to decide if I want to continue doing it or not, if I want to go do it full time, if e-sports is something I want to make my career or if I want to keep it as just my hobby.
As I head into my 28th year, as an educator by profession, I can't help but to wonder what is the right path for me to continue on. This spring will bring on a bunch of changes that I don't think I'm ready for.
The only thing I know for sure is that I want my inner fangirl to return. Ignorance is bliss.
 
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Should've taken the blue pill.
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is this all because jaedong looked at your boobs?
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I think you should do what you enjoy. If you don't like your job at GOM, don't continue it. If you do like the job then I think you should do it, unless you like teaching more. There's not much you can do about losing your ignorance. There's no operation you can do to repair your innocence hymen.
P.S. I really liked you commentating/translating with Tasteless.
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On February 12 2009 11:21 Straylight wrote:
Should've taken the blue pill.
LoL!!
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Do what everyone else is doing, wait for StarCraft 2 to come out, then decide 
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Give us some Juicy info Susie. Motherly instincts and all that.
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9070 Posts
I know what your talking about susie. Replacing the romance of the progaming with the reality behind the hole thing. Just like all other nerds in TL, I'm extremely thankful for all your efforts, your contribution to community really gets us closer and more involved to the scene. But if you decide to look for better career and more happy days in some other area it will be completely understandable. After all the best thing will be the to find the place where all the nice stuff will never be gone
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:/
What is the difference between the real progamer and the media progamer? Obviously the progamer is a real person, driven by human desires (greed and sexuality), but is it so staggering a difference that it disillusions you? Are they all jerks?
:/
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thanks for sharing with us Susie
I'm wondering, what exactly do they do behind the scenes that's so misrepresented? Do they really hate other teams, do they hate the job? I cannot fathom what your experience must be
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In any case, whatever you do Susie you'll do great!
I think you have enormous potential.
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We'll support you either way
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Yeah, really, what are they like? Don't leave us such a cliffhanger...
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I doubt it's that most of the progamers are bad guys or anything, it's just that people have a tendency to build them, and other various stars from their respective sports and games, into something inhuman, almost god-like at times. Once you realize that they're real people after all, a lot of that excitement and worshipping tends to die out, regardless of whether or not they're actually cool people.
Sounds like she's just seeing reality instead of the illusion that most people see progaming as. That doesn't mean that things behind the scenes suck (maybe they do and maybe they don't), but it can be disheartening at times to find out that things aren't quite what you had hoped for and dreamed about, and that goes for anything in life.
Anyway lilsusie, regardless of what you choose to do, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Personally I wouldn't recommend getting into e-sports as a long-term career, but if that turns out to be your true passion, then power to you. Good luck with whatever you choose to do
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Yeah. I imagine that some of the progamers aren't so nice or are pretty arrogant (H.O.T-Forever), and some of them are good people. But of course in the media, they all need to put on the face of a good person.
I would be heartbroken if I met Jin Yung Soo and he ended up an arrogant jerk. BUt apparently some gamers like Sea/sAviOr/Midas are actually really nice people.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
I suppose as the only other active woman actually present at the Korean scene and a recovering Khan fangirl of epic proportions I'm one of the only people who can understand these sentiments on a practical level. (That's not to insult anyone elses' perceptions btw.)
I do agree with you - I sometimes miss those days back when I didn't have to consider anything other than purely enjoying the events. I was possibly one of the worst kinds of fangirl back then (but heck at least Samsung Khan benefited from the billions of cakes I bought them.) but it was fun to socialise more with the Korean fans and view the gamers from a fan-only perspective. I used to put my heart into simple, fun activities like making signs for my favourites or creating present boxes because it took my mind off of the otherwise boring reality of my 9-5 life (more like 11-8, but who's counting? ^^)
I used to live so far away from Seoul and with a less than brilliant first teaching job it was that three hour journey into the capital that kept me sane Monday to Friday - along with the opportunity to truly get passionate about something every weekend.
I've traded in fan status for something that in some respects allows me to be a lot more creative and contribute much more to both the foreign and korean communities as you have yourself (and personally eventhough sometimes things do go wrong and sometimes you do discover gamers are *very* different to their televised/non-event personalities I wouldn't trade back.)
I know everyone is really grateful for all the effort you've put into bringing excellent coverage of GOM events and helping people on tl who otherwise wouldn't have access to progaming merchandise/information and translations. I've been there first hand to see how hard you work both in your regular job and as an esports worker and you know I look up to you as my unnie (I promise not to call you that though lol)
I know whatever happens in the future I personally will continue to support your decisions and we can fangirl Boxer any time!
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nice hello kitty icon i think
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On February 12 2009 11:18 lilsusie wrote:
The politics involved with reporters, casters, coaches, etc. has really put me off on the whole scene.
I think i can see what you mean about this, since pro-starcraft is a serious business i imagine there are sort of things the audience never knows, things that cant be said, underground rivalries and all kinds of dark stuff. Maybe its time for you to meditate about what you really want to do. Thank you for everything you have brought to us.
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United States11637 Posts
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You should host a "Behind the Starcraft" show and dish on everybody.
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-sigh..
I just turned off my browser. haha. I am so fail at the moment.
I am grateful for your contribution to GOM and Tl, but in the end it is about who--you. Take some time off and do some searching to find what you really want to do. Either way you are TL's susie.
p.s. You are a better caster than NONSUPPERR DAN!
dont kill panda bear guy? kk? :D
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Next time you talk to Flash you should offer him a path to freedom away from his KTF slavemasters.
But seriously, I appreciate everything you've been doing for the foreign community. But free Flash because that kid needs to live a little.
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On February 12 2009 12:31 Athos wrote:
Next time you talk to Flash you should offer him a path to freedom away from his KTF slavemasters.
But seriously, I appreciate everything you've been doing for the foreign community. But free Flash because that kid needs to live a little.
He makes over 200,000 dollars a year, I'm sure he doesn't mind.
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United States12607 Posts
On February 12 2009 11:18 lilsusie wrote:
I Knowing the players and what they do behind the scenes has killed my image of these sweet innocent players. What they say on interviews is not really how they think and talk. The politics involved with reporters, casters, coaches, etc. has really put me off on the whole scene.
Can you be more specific about this? I'm dying of curiosity!
Good luck with whatever life throws your way, Susie!
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Good luck susie
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MrHoon
10183 Posts
On February 12 2009 12:34 DoctorHelvetica wrote:Show nested quote +On February 12 2009 12:31 Athos wrote:
Next time you talk to Flash you should offer him a path to freedom away from his KTF slavemasters.
But seriously, I appreciate everything you've been doing for the foreign community. But free Flash because that kid needs to live a little. He makes over 200,000 dollars a year, I'm sure he doesn't mind.
200,000 excluding salary
thats pretty crazy lol, in videos he was pretty proud he made that much money
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A lot of it is perspective. I mean, be honest with yourself, if you give 15-25 yr old boys/guys money, fame, and add a shit pile of competition, what do you think will happen? I'm not even sure on the specifics, but really it's just less obvious in Korea because it's actually recognized. In the American Counter strike scene 4-5 years ago, it continually devolved into shit talking pissing contests, where i'm surprised every big lan event didn't end in a fist fight or worse. It's all ego, it's all to have fun, and I still get the goosebumps every time I see boxer lose to a white-bread 9 pool, or when savior kills the last pylon with 4 lings and a reaver firing at them.
Accept what the community is, and that will help you determine if you're able to accept that this is the norm and korea just shines the crap out of it, or if it's too seedy for you to involve yourself with.
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Everyone seems to be getting icons now. At least I have the same one as Artosis.
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More than just about anything else, teaching is one of those things you can always come back to.
But you want to go into progaming, right? Otherwise you wouldn't be asking TL 
(by the way I loved your casting)
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I think you and Rekrul should team up, release a documentary of all the drug smuggling, back-alley stabbing, and group rape that goes on in progaming, then run away to Spain together.
seriously, is Ma Jae Yoon really Keyser Soze?
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3861 Posts
On February 12 2009 11:48 Orlandu wrote:
I doubt it's that most of the progamers are bad guys or anything, it's just that people have a tendency to build them, and other various stars from their respective sports and games, into something inhuman, almost god-like at times. Once you realize that they're real people after all, a lot of that excitement and worshipping tends to die out, regardless of whether or not they're actually cool people.
Sounds like she's just seeing reality instead of the illusion that most people see progaming as. That doesn't mean that things behind the scenes suck (maybe they do and maybe they don't), but it can be disheartening at times to find out that things aren't quite what you had hoped for and dreamed about, and that goes for anything in life.
It's kinda like this. I'm not saying that they are all fake it's just that I'd like to believe that some of them don't party as Rekrul has shared and are all just good little nerdy computer geek boys.
The politics involved aren't even much about the players themselves but of the organizations and whatnot. And the fact that I'm Korean-American sucks cuz I'm conveniently Korean when they need me to be, and American when they need me to be. It's like having the short and long end of the stick at the same time.
I do love the community and I'm accepting it for what it is, but I'm just not sure if I want to continue in it and try to salvage the innocent feeling that I had about it once upon a time.
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On February 12 2009 14:28 lilsusie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 12 2009 11:48 Orlandu wrote:
I doubt it's that most of the progamers are bad guys or anything, it's just that people have a tendency to build them, and other various stars from their respective sports and games, into something inhuman, almost god-like at times. Once you realize that they're real people after all, a lot of that excitement and worshipping tends to die out, regardless of whether or not they're actually cool people.
Sounds like she's just seeing reality instead of the illusion that most people see progaming as. That doesn't mean that things behind the scenes suck (maybe they do and maybe they don't), but it can be disheartening at times to find out that things aren't quite what you had hoped for and dreamed about, and that goes for anything in life. It's kinda like this. I'm not saying that they are all fake it's just that I'd like to believe that some of them don't party as Rekrul has shared and are all just good little nerdy computer geek boys. The politics involved aren't even much about the players themselves but of the organizations and whatnot. And the fact that I'm Korean-American sucks cuz I'm conveniently Korean when they need me to be, and American when they need me to be. It's like having the short and long end of the stick at the same time. I do love the community and I'm accepting it for what it is, but I'm just not sure if I want to continue in it and try to salvage the innocent feeling that I had about it once upon a time.
I kind of understand that feeling.
I used to really obsess over certain bands/athletes/progamers (and I still do to some extent), to the point to where I didn't see them as human and I painted an unrealistic vision of them in my head. I remember seeing an interview with Neil Peart (one of my favorite drummers) where he talked about fans and he said:
"Fans seem to forget that I'm a person too. I've sworn, I've said mean things I shouldn't have said, I argue with my wife, I have dirty thoughts, and I have problems."
"Heroes aren't for meeting, they're for looking at on baseball cards."
So I think that now I've come to see bands/athletes/progamers as people I just really respect, or admire. But still people, humans with all the bad and good characteristics.
As far as advice for making decisions, just think about what you really love. Do you love the e-sports scene, the people, and the work? Then do it! Do you love teaching and being a fangirl? Then do that! Just think "If I had to make the decision this instant, what would I choose?" and don't second guess yourself.
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We're grateful for your work and you should just do what you enjoy. If the enjoyment of interviews and watching games and rooting for your favorite players do not come back to you, then you're not really enjoying your job is it? And if you don't enjoy your job, you should try to find one that you do enjoy
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On February 12 2009 11:51 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
But of course in the media, they all need to put on the face of a good person.
fuck that
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3861 Posts
On February 12 2009 14:54 IdrA wrote:Show nested quote +On February 12 2009 11:51 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
But of course in the media, they all need to put on the face of a good person.
fuck that
yeah idra is a jerkface on and off the camera.
+ Show Spoiler +jk, he's the sweetest kid ever. greg, when are you free again so we can all have dinner sometime?
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United States17042 Posts
On February 12 2009 14:37 AzureEye wrote:
We're grateful for your work and you should just do what you enjoy. If the enjoyment of interviews and watching games and rooting for your favorite players do not come back to you, then you're not really enjoying your job is it? And if you don't enjoy your job, you should try to find one that you do enjoy
i agree with this. I'm sure that tl.net will appreciate whatever you choose to do with your life.
best of luck
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we will appreciate anything you do as long as its beneficial to TL :D
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Wwoah.. wait a minute, are you saying Rekrul wasn't kidding about the "path of the night"?
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Physician
United States4146 Posts
lilsusie ignore the bs & the pettiness in the business, keep it professional, do ur best, have ur shield up! & yes thanks, blog more too ~
On February 12 2009 11:23 DukE wrote:
- insert comment typical of a 12 year old - Don't be daft dude.
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On February 12 2009 15:09 lilsusie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 12 2009 14:54 IdrA wrote:On February 12 2009 11:51 DoctorHelvetica wrote:
But of course in the media, they all need to put on the face of a good person.
fuck that yeah idra is a jerkface on and off the camera. + Show Spoiler +jk, he's the sweetest kid ever. greg, when are you free again so we can all have dinner sometime?
only god knows
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China3334 Posts
I have a friend who works as a producer at SBS (although I wish he moved to MBC so I could get the access to the back stage of MSL or PL, haha). He told me something similar as what you said, Susie. Sometimes getting upset even frustrated when he saw or got involved something about pop stars/entertainment industry that ordinary fans would never know. But he loves his job, waiting for a good chance (maybe cooperation with a damn good screenwriter). Before that, he said it's tolerable to do stupid soaps or low-rating mid night programs.
Do what your heart says and good luck
PS,
I used to be a crazy fangirl (besides Boxer). I thought it's stupid after I quit b/c I spent so much time and money on it. But still it's memorable and it did bring me a lot of fun and happy moments.
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Your work seems so amazing, though; it would be so cool to do what you do for a job.
Besides, if you left, who would take your place? =(
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You should do whatever you're most comfortable with, happiest with, and whichever is most rewarding.
For my part, though, I really liked your on casts with Tasteless, and your input from behind-the-scenes is always interesting for us to hear.
Whichever path you choose, best of luck!
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
I've always been a person who loves community settings and being able to provide things for those who don't have access to it. (Maybe it's my motherly instinct, I dunno)
No, it's your undying need to appear in power or more connected to the people at the top.
(Don't worry, a lot of girls have this, it's natural)
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I dont ever watch the player interviews because they feel so fake, the players very rarely say anything that they actually think or feel, and always go for the politically correct answer.
I'd like you try to get the truth out of these kids (and for the most part, they are children) by tricking them into answering questions they normally wouldnt answer.
Frost v Nixon!
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On February 12 2009 11:23 Duke wrote:
is this all because jaedong looked at your boobs?
Wow... I really don't know what to say. Lol
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United States6700 Posts
On February 14 2009 02:59 Rekrul wrote:Show nested quote +I've always been a person who loves community settings and being able to provide things for those who don't have access to it. (Maybe it's my motherly instinct, I dunno) No, it's your undying need to appear in power or more connected to the people at the top. (Don't worry, a lot of girls have this, it's natural)
Rekrul - master deconstructionist
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United States6700 Posts
What a beautiful dream
That could flash on the screen
In a blink of an eye and be gone from me
Soft and sweet
Let me hold it close and keep it here with me
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This must be how Santa feels about Christmas.
Best of luck with whatever you decide to do. Miss seeing you on gomtv though.
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My leaps leaps up when I behold, A rainbow in the sky
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EPT
