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3861 Posts
I miss being the fan girl. I've never been the type to bring gifts and scream and swoon, but I did love the whole hype of getting my picture taken with Pro Starcraft players and giggle to myself quietly in glee for having met them.
After I've started working in e-sports (very haphazardly, might I add; I don't even know how this all happened) I've lost that giddy feeling. Knowing the players and what they do behind the scenes has killed my image of these sweet innocent players. What they say on interviews is not really how they think and talk. The politics involved with reporters, casters, coaches, etc. has really put me off on the whole scene.
I enjoyed SC much more when it was me and a few friends in front of the TV watching players do what they do.
But at the same time, I'm glad that I was thrown into this; I've always been a person who loves community settings and being able to provide things for those who don't have access to it. (Maybe it's my motherly instinct, I dunno) I'm glad that I can translate stuff, interview, and talk to managers about merchandise, etc for you guys because I know how appreciative people are, here on TL. It's the same reason why Nevergg takes her pictures and goes to every single PL, even though we both work 40 hour weeks (or more). We do it for you guys.
I'm not sure what my post really is about, to be honest, but I'm going to continue babbling.
Now that GOM Season 2 has come to a close I need to decide if I want to continue doing it or not, if I want to go do it full time, if e-sports is something I want to make my career or if I want to keep it as just my hobby.
As I head into my 28th year, as an educator by profession, I can't help but to wonder what is the right path for me to continue on. This spring will bring on a bunch of changes that I don't think I'm ready for.
The only thing I know for sure is that I want my inner fangirl to return. Ignorance is bliss.
 
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Should've taken the blue pill.
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is this all because jaedong looked at your boobs?
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I think you should do what you enjoy. If you don't like your job at GOM, don't continue it. If you do like the job then I think you should do it, unless you like teaching more. There's not much you can do about losing your ignorance. There's no operation you can do to repair your innocence hymen.
P.S. I really liked you commentating/translating with Tasteless.
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On February 12 2009 11:21 Straylight wrote:
Should've taken the blue pill.
LoL!!
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Do what everyone else is doing, wait for StarCraft 2 to come out, then decide 
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Give us some Juicy info Susie. Motherly instincts and all that.
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9070 Posts
I know what your talking about susie. Replacing the romance of the progaming with the reality behind the hole thing. Just like all other nerds in TL, I'm extremely thankful for all your efforts, your contribution to community really gets us closer and more involved to the scene. But if you decide to look for better career and more happy days in some other area it will be completely understandable. After all the best thing will be the to find the place where all the nice stuff will never be gone
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:/
What is the difference between the real progamer and the media progamer? Obviously the progamer is a real person, driven by human desires (greed and sexuality), but is it so staggering a difference that it disillusions you? Are they all jerks?
:/
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thanks for sharing with us Susie
I'm wondering, what exactly do they do behind the scenes that's so misrepresented? Do they really hate other teams, do they hate the job? I cannot fathom what your experience must be
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In any case, whatever you do Susie you'll do great!
I think you have enormous potential.
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We'll support you either way
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Yeah, really, what are they like? Don't leave us such a cliffhanger...
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I doubt it's that most of the progamers are bad guys or anything, it's just that people have a tendency to build them, and other various stars from their respective sports and games, into something inhuman, almost god-like at times. Once you realize that they're real people after all, a lot of that excitement and worshipping tends to die out, regardless of whether or not they're actually cool people.
Sounds like she's just seeing reality instead of the illusion that most people see progaming as. That doesn't mean that things behind the scenes suck (maybe they do and maybe they don't), but it can be disheartening at times to find out that things aren't quite what you had hoped for and dreamed about, and that goes for anything in life.
Anyway lilsusie, regardless of what you choose to do, I'm sure you'll be just fine. Personally I wouldn't recommend getting into e-sports as a long-term career, but if that turns out to be your true passion, then power to you. Good luck with whatever you choose to do
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Yeah. I imagine that some of the progamers aren't so nice or are pretty arrogant (H.O.T-Forever), and some of them are good people. But of course in the media, they all need to put on the face of a good person.
I would be heartbroken if I met Jin Yung Soo and he ended up an arrogant jerk. BUt apparently some gamers like Sea/sAviOr/Midas are actually really nice people.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
I suppose as the only other active woman actually present at the Korean scene and a recovering Khan fangirl of epic proportions I'm one of the only people who can understand these sentiments on a practical level. (That's not to insult anyone elses' perceptions btw.)
I do agree with you - I sometimes miss those days back when I didn't have to consider anything other than purely enjoying the events. I was possibly one of the worst kinds of fangirl back then (but heck at least Samsung Khan benefited from the billions of cakes I bought them.) but it was fun to socialise more with the Korean fans and view the gamers from a fan-only perspective. I used to put my heart into simple, fun activities like making signs for my favourites or creating present boxes because it took my mind off of the otherwise boring reality of my 9-5 life (more like 11-8, but who's counting? ^^)
I used to live so far away from Seoul and with a less than brilliant first teaching job it was that three hour journey into the capital that kept me sane Monday to Friday - along with the opportunity to truly get passionate about something every weekend.
I've traded in fan status for something that in some respects allows me to be a lot more creative and contribute much more to both the foreign and korean communities as you have yourself (and personally eventhough sometimes things do go wrong and sometimes you do discover gamers are *very* different to their televised/non-event personalities I wouldn't trade back.)
I know everyone is really grateful for all the effort you've put into bringing excellent coverage of GOM events and helping people on tl who otherwise wouldn't have access to progaming merchandise/information and translations. I've been there first hand to see how hard you work both in your regular job and as an esports worker and you know I look up to you as my unnie (I promise not to call you that though lol)
I know whatever happens in the future I personally will continue to support your decisions and we can fangirl Boxer any time!
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nice hello kitty icon i think
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On February 12 2009 11:18 lilsusie wrote:
The politics involved with reporters, casters, coaches, etc. has really put me off on the whole scene.
I think i can see what you mean about this, since pro-starcraft is a serious business i imagine there are sort of things the audience never knows, things that cant be said, underground rivalries and all kinds of dark stuff. Maybe its time for you to meditate about what you really want to do. Thank you for everything you have brought to us.
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United States11637 Posts
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You should host a "Behind the Starcraft" show and dish on everybody.
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EPT
