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Fucking Relax
I feel sad that so many people have what seems to be this overwhelming sense of duty and responsibility to “be something,” to accomplish something, to “do something with themselves.” It seems like from the earliest age people are burdened with all this ambition and responsibility. It makes me sad that perfectly good people are frustrated and unhappy with themselves when they do not make a lot of money or practice some kind of job that has some prestige or high status associated with it.
I remember once that someone I admire greatly was complaining that his net-worth was zero, that he was worthless because he had no net-worth. Here is a man of nearly 50, saying these things. He is a man of serious talent, and a genuinely special soul in general, but he didn’t realize it. Instead he was preoccupied with this feeling that he hadn’t done enough with his life.
It’s not enough to sit back and enjoy life. We are taught to conquer life. We have to get out there and “do something,” or “be somebody.”
I see organizations and various interests playing on this overwhelming anxiety people have. The Army (or was it the Navy?) had this advertisement that asked, “if someone wrote a book about your life, would anyone want to read it?” Then the ad went on to talk about how you could develop your potential by joining the military. Presumably, then, someone would want to read about your life. You’d be someone. You’d be worthy of respect.
Pure shit. You know, this is ridiculous manipulation on the part of the military, and ridiculous manipulation similarly carried out by other organizations, but what is truly sad is that anyone falls for it. I don’t mean sad as in pathetic, I mean sad as in sad. In how many ways is someone horribly abused and traumatized before they can fall for such ridiculous shit?
I think of it…. There are so many “well accomplished” individuals out there; doctors, lawyers, generals, scientists, actors, musicians, presidents, and kings and queens. I don’t want to read about any of them, and if someone wrote a book about these people (and undoubtedly many such books have been written), I wouldn’t want to read them. I don’t care about George Washington or Abe Lincoln. I don’t really care about the details of Einstein’s life. I don’t really care about the childhood of the John Lennon. And I don’t expect anyone to want to read about me. I don’t lose any sleep over the fact that I’m “nobody.” It seems like such a silly thing to worry about, whether or not I become famous or obtain wealth. I’m much too busy living right here and right now.
So sad that people experience this great weight on their backs; this need to accomplish something. I think much of it must be rooted in Christianity, especially back in the Protestantism in the colonial days, when wealth and “achievement” were signs of God’s favor and one’s salvation. Even now that God is apparently dead, people carry on serving the dead master, rather than shouting that the tyrant is dead, and joyously making love and partying in the streets.
Life is so short. I see people so busy scurrying around trying to accomplish this or that, and it seems to me that people forget the simple things, like how beautiful the clouds look, how nice the rain smells, how invigorating the coldness of the winter air is. People are too busy to fall in love and enjoy love. I read that over 50% of women would rather have an hour to themselves to relax than to make love with their partners. I read the reason many people turn down sex with their partner is because they are tired and stressed, presumably from work and other responsibilities. I see people so stressed from work that all they can do is tune out with drugs or with TV (just as bad as any drug.)
It is ridiculous, this sense of responsibility. In the same way that we must relentlessly conquer and reshape ourselves, we feel we must conquer and remake nature. We must conquer and reshape our children, brainwashing them and teaching them to tolerate insane commands and ridiculous amounts of boredom. We conquer our lawns, turning something alive and wild into something uniform and boring. We conquer our homes, cleaning every surface with toxic chemicals and making it all utterly inhospitable to life - life is messy. We must constantly reshape everything. Rivers must be blocked with dams, forests must be cut down and transformed into parking lots, and minerals must be extracted and turned into bombs.
I would take a day spent lazily with my sweet lover than a day spent achieving something, any day. I would take a day spent aimlessly exploring mountain wilderness over a day spent “building my net worth” through “intelligent investing” and “productive labor.” I once saw an ad that said “change your life, one purchase at a time.” I don’t want to change my life one purchase at a time - what kind of bullshit life is that? Slow motion death.
I love cruising on my bicycle and observing ants crossing in front of me, and listening to starlings making their strange shrieking alien sounds. I love seeing the play of light and shadow through rails and on buildings and through trees. I love the feeling of stillness, not having to be anywhere, not having to achieve anything. I love being light with freedom. Liberated.
So many feel that wherever they are, it is not where they should be. They live so far in the future, in the world of should’s and will-do’s and goals that they do not ever experience the beauty of right now. Tomorrow never comes, and a life lived purely in the future is what I consider to be slow motion death; not really a life at all. So wonderful to have the grounded sense that wherever you are, whatever you are doing, that is exactly where you should be, and exactly what you should be doing. I think that some people never experience this sensation beyond the age of 10, and I find that as sad as the fact that some people never experience an orgasm. How did things become so backwards? Modern shackles are inside. The modern tyrant viciously commands from within.
"The increasing desolation of nature, the exhaustion of resources, the uneasiness and disintegration of the human spirit, all have been brought about by humanity's trying to accomplish something."
- Masanobu Fukuoka
“All the guys who really have the money are too old to have a good time with it. Too old to turn the women on. Too old to have a fast car and drive it.”
- Porno For Pyro’s
“Joy. Land-locked in bodies that don’t keep… dumbstruck at the sweetness of being till we don’t be.”
-Joanna Newsom
Enough responsibility. Stop carrying so many heavy stones. Be here in this moment. Love your friends. Be in love. Make love. Savor a piece of fruit. Turn off all the noisy shit long enough to feel feelings and think thoughts and appreciate the utter magic of all that is around you.
We aren’t all meant to be doctors and lawyers and presidents and CEO’s. A college degree is just a piece of paper. A grade is just a mark on a piece of paper. All that shit that everyone is so obsessed with collecting is just shit. No one really cares what you do for a living - it’s just a job.
You are good enough the way you are.
Fucking Relax.
 
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you're so right
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It's like this because if you're not somebody in your lifetime then when you die you will cease to exist forever, and that thought scares alot of people.
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I think it's a personal matter of values. If you value gratification most, as I do, you'll be happy just relaxing and enjoying your life. Some people value accomplishment most, by whatever standards it may be, and act accordingly.
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Materials make me happy. I use them to make myself feel better than other people
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Sorry but I can't relax. I feel I could just lay down and die if I were to reason like that
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On January 30 2008 15:24 BottleAbuser wrote:
I think it's a personal matter of values. If you value gratification most, as I do, you'll be happy just relaxing and enjoying your life. Some people value accomplishment most, by whatever standards it may be, and act accordingly.
QFT. You'd be surprised at how many people, in this day and age, cannot and will not understand "the simple things in life." Sometimes people ask me what I'm doing, and I answer that I'm listening to music. They ask who, and I answer that I'm just listening to the world. Most people think I'm being crazy (again), some people somewhat understand what I'm getting at, and an astonishingly few people have actually done it, themselves. I mean, who wastes time opening the window and just listening outside when you have real music hey?
Then there are other, or I daresay most, people that fulfill themselves through material means. That's not to say I, or most other people that "chill" are anti-materialistic or not even materialistic (plenty that are), but I, for one, don't HAVE to have something "valuable" to make myself feel better. I don't feel like rubbish if I don't have the most glamorous clothing at a gathering, I don't feel like rubbish if I don't have the most "awesome" car in the 'hood. But a lot of people do, and those people feel driven, hard, to work in order to get those. I mean, when you think of a typical American, that's the kind of prototype that comes to mind, doesn't it?
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If I'm complaining about money at 50, it's that I don't have enough to retire comfortably. I don't necessarily think money implies worth. I just know that social security checks aint gonna cut it when I retire, and I don't wanna work til I'm 75 so I can enjoy life 
Personally, I believe it's a balance, just like everything else in life. It's nice to enjoy the finer things in life (much of the stuff you mentioned) but you also need to be able to have means to live. And for some people, accomplishing things—be it becoming an artist, a writer, a scientest, etc—is also a major part of who they are. I don't think it's really any part of a religious upbringing—I was born and baptised Catholic, but certainly I am not religious—and I have ambition to do something to something with my talents. I just won't sacrifice my sanity by working 50+ hours a week just to get extra money.
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I think it's great if people work hard out of love for what they do. I mean, I recall putting in hours every day on BW because I loved it. I put in a lot of time on the guitar because I love it. I work hard at studying things that interest me. Nothing wrong with exerting oneself or challenging oneself when it is motivated by love.
But what I see are a lot of people moving forward not out of love, but out of a sense of obligation. I see people who are horribly insecure about where they are, even if they like where they are, because somehow it is not enough in society's eyes.
Many people treat life like a competition, and those who don't reach a certain level of status or wealth are losers. This is a silly game, but many people don't even see that it is a game at all.
Other people push so hard out of a sense of insecurity. But I believe in the somewhat Buddhist notion that there is no security. Whatever we do, wherever we are, we are "out there in the middle of it all." All the security in the world is just an illusion.
I'd rather just relax and not worry so much about what other people think about me. I'm more concerned about what I think about me. I guess that is my main point, really.
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I would love to relax. The things I want to do don't really cost much at all, and I could get a half decent job and work just enough to keep myself happy, but there are a few problems with that. One is my family, I have a lot of pressure to succeed, and that is not a bad thing, it has probably been one of the largest driving forces in my life. Another is, I can't foresee the future, and since I can't I should err on the side of having more than enough money, should something such as medical problems become a burden.
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I stopped reading after you started ranting about christianity, plainly put, you suck at words.
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Thanks, Hunter. Always nice when people have something nice to say!
Lemonwalrus, I was writing this thing primarily about people just like you (it sounds like.) And to be clear, it's not a criticism of you or those like you at all. I just don't see the point in being driven by fear or the pressure of others. If anyone loves you, they will want you to do what makes you happy. (Of course it is good to help others when you can.)
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On January 31 2008 01:50 HunterGatherer wrote:
I stopped reading after you started ranting about christianity, plainly put, you suck at words.
No, he's just another person with some 2-bit uninformed opinion.
If all you value in life is sensual gratification, which seems to be the case here, then sure, don't put much effort into things.
Of course I dont think you should overwork yourself either. If thats all youre saying, then I agree.
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United States22883 Posts
Perspective and balance are always key, but many of us take pleasure from competition and straining ourselves. It can take place in an office or climbing a mountain, but either way it is gratifying to push yourself beyond the norm. Living solely for your own immediate pleasure is one of the most selfish ways to live, imo. Sacrificing yourself is not usually a bad thing.
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I don't think Inky's message was to be completely passive in life and to dwell on sensual gratification only. Rather I think that he was trying to emphasize the fact too many are pursuing goals which, once accomplished, wouldn't make you more satisfied than before, but worse - you'd look for another goal, subconsciously probably.
Additionally, he wasn't referring to rely on sensuality only. Being a good person, loving everything and everybody as good as possible, help others and so on is no lazy, relaxed and passive way of living. It is much more productive than to get as much money as possible or to become a well-known or wealthy person.
I agree with you, Inky, completely, especially your point to live for the moment. It's so common nowadays to spend one's life in the future or the past, agonizing over happened mistakes and losing one's mind in too many thoughts and fears for the future - this is happening to so many people. They lose their mind and forget the present.
I mean, even if there are going to be problems in the future (for sure indeed), it doesn't matter for NOW, because now is now, and now is not tomorrow. Maybe you're dead tomorrow, and you would waste so much energy and effort for times that do not exist yet and will not ever exist perhaps.
I lost so much time in that common standard way of living you explained. When I first experienced to live for the moment and to live for the "now" I was so mesmerized and fascinated that life could be so beautiful. My view changed so much I couldn't ever have imagined it. And it can be so easy to live and to be content with yourself. All you need is yourself!
Anyway, I don't say you should neglect the future fully, but you shouldn't forget about the present which is forever. You are never in the past or the future. Now is always now, and so now is forever.
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Thank you, Asakura, for your heartfelt reply. It has been awhile since I heard from you, and I hope you are well!
Jibba, I am not saying everyone should be selfish. More than anything I am expressing concern for the people who do what they do out of a sense of obligation or responsibility rather than out of love. What I am trying to say is that maybe everyone ought to consider whether their goals arise out of love, or arise out of fear, conformity, and obedience. If the former, great! Be ambitious, by all means! If the latter, maybe it is worth stepping back and relaxing, and not stressing so much.
I think we all would be better off if we could relax and appreciate the simple things more, but I am not trying to say we should become absorbed in narcissism or decadence - if anything, there is too much of that going on.
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United States22883 Posts
On January 31 2008 14:17 nA.Inky wrote:
Jibba, I am not saying everyone should be selfish. More than anything I am expressing concern for the people who do what they do out of a sense of obligation or responsibility rather than out of love. What I am trying to say is that maybe everyone ought to consider whether their goals arise out of love, or arise out of fear, conformity, and obedience. If the former, great! Be ambitious, by all means! If the latter, maybe it is worth stepping back and relaxing, and not stressing so much.
I agree about conformity and fear, and evaluating yourself so that you live a life that is actually meaningful to you. I think obligation is a fair reason for action, though. Charity, for instance, I think is an act that should be done out of obligation, and not because it makes you feel good or benefits you.
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An interesting point Jibba. Still, as I said, I think we should be motivated by love. I think charity is often motivated by love. I would rather people help each other out of love than out of a sense of obligation.
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I dunno, I think I do everything to benefit myself in the end. Things that might seem "altruistic" to other people I do for the warm fuzzy feeling inside. It's all about me, not about "love." I guess I'm just a bad person and should be glad the rest of the world isn't like me.
Also, a wise man (Heinlein) once said this about "duty":
"Do not confuse 'duty' with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect."
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EPT
