The European Union, bless their bureaucratic little hearts, pushed the euro on Bulgaria. And some of the Bulgarians, well, we are tentatively saying "no." Or, more accurately, we make a lot of noise about "national sovereignty" and "the lev, our beloved currency." And the EU officials nod politely, because they're being told that this is just a case of simple, good old-fashioned inflation anxiety. But that's like blaming a plane crash on the tray tables being wobbly. It's not the real reason. The real reason, I'll tell you what it is cause I am a part of it, is the big, beautiful, cash-money system that operates just beneath the surface of the official economy. The one we like to call "grey" because "illegal" sounds so, you know… criminal.

On paper, we are a nation of economic underdogs. The statistics tell you, "Bulgaria's a poor country, its people are struggling." But come, take a look around. Take a look at the real estate market. Everybody here owns a home or two and you can buy a duplex in Sofia for about €160,000, which we pay for with a suitcase full of cash. That's right, a suitcase full of cash. Where do we get it from? From the official economy? Please. A recent study shows that the informal economy here is about 34.6% of the entire GDP. That's a third of the country's economic activity happening off the books, in the shadows, where the tax man can't get to it. In reality, I think it's much higher than a third, two thirds hits closer to truth. You don't see this in places like Germany, where a guy who sells a single bratwurst without a receipt is considered a national security threat. In Bulgaria, it’s just how things get done. You get paid for a job, you get your official, pathetic-looking paycheck, and then you get a nice, fat bonus "under the table." That's not a secret; that’s our business model.

And this grey economy, it's not some little side hustle, oh no. It's the actual engine. It's what allows people to live because we're Bulgarians, we can never (officially) thrive. It's how we get our nice cars and our fancy apartments. The official economy is a formality, a puppet show for the rest of Europe. The real game, the real wealth, is in the shadows. And the currency of the realm here is cash. Big, untraceable piles of cash. The property market, for example, isn't a reflection of formal economic growth or foreigners inflating prices, like in Barcelona and Greece; it's a giant washing machine. You take your "under the table" money, you buy a house, and poof! It's clean. It's now a legitimate asset. You've officially converted your "don't-ask-don't-tell" income into a socially acceptable investment.

So then comes the euro. The single currency. The great harmonizer. The great light-shiner-on-everything. And with it come all the EU rules. Anti-money laundering, transaction tracing, everything becoming official. It's a direct, frontal assault on our entire unofficial way of life. We don't fear inflation from the euro; we fear exposure. We fear that all their unofficial financial shenanigans will suddenly be visible to the world. We're not worried about the cost of bread going up; we're worried about our freedom going down. Their economic freedom, that is. The rest of the freedoms we don't really give a crap about. Here, come, spill acid on a journalist's face, it's fine, no one bats an eye. Oh, what's that? You got a girlfriend that needs to be beaten? We got you covered, bring her over, smash her face, it's alright. Yeah, you just gotta ship some dough to a prosecutor so that he doesn't press charges against you but we'll tell you all about it later.

So, in the end, it’s not really a debate about economics. It’s a debate about control. The EU wants to formalize everything, to put it all on the books so they can tax us, regulate it, and track it. And the Bulgarians, who have figured out how to get by in a system that doesn't really serve us, we want to keep our money where it belongs: in our pockets, in a neat pile of cash, and out of sight. That’s the unspoken resistance. The silent protest of a thousand tiny transactions, and nobody, on either side, seems to be honest enough to say it out loud. They all spill their nonsense of patriotism and sovereignty which is laughable.

As for me, I am all about adopting the euro, it's a great development. But I fail to see how it'll change our habits of shadiness. I mean, we've thrived on this approach for centuries, all the way back to Ottoman rule. There was this anecdote for when the Russian imperial army arrived in Bulgaria around 1878. The soldiers must have expected resentful, oppressed population, keen on severe resistance. Yet they found flourishing settlements, large houses, trade, agriculture, schools in villages, developed communities. They were saying stuff like "We're here to liberate them from the Turks but who's gonna liberate us?" Shut up, Russian, that's our mentality here, we gotta pretend we're way worse than we actually are.

The change of currency will in no way bring a change of heart. Sure, I might have some trouble exchanging leva to euro in a bank but so what? I won't go to the bank. As you saw, there are other means to do it. I really don't wanna go through the hassle but if I must do it so that I can keep the prying eyes of EU out of my business, I might as well get on to it.

Now, where's that house so I can pay for it in cash?