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Mexico2170 Posts
My ex GF broke up with me in July this year. We had a good relationship but she broke up with me in an unnecesarily harsh way and almost inmediately started seeing her ex. I sent her a text a few weeks later telling her how I felt and how unnecessary it was to end that way.
20 days later she sent me a message apologizing for it and that was the end of that..
Monday
Until this monday (2.5 months from the breakup) when she messaged me saying "hey... I was called for an event to be support staff, last year you wanted to do it so I share the information with you".
I ended up calling her for the details and that was all I was going to ask, but innevitably we started chatting about other stuff and ended up talking for an hour and a half, and had a great time.
During our call she asked if I still had the files of an illustration I had made of her dog. I told her I did and could share them with her if we go out one day. She said she would love to and sounded excited, but in the end she told me she'd think about it, because she is seeing her other ex, and although they aren't officially dating, she wouldn't like it if she was seeing someone and they saw their ex. Interestingly she mentioned that they hadn't had sex, which was a weird thing to say and I honestly doubt it, but she swore it on the name of her mother and I she was never one to swear....
Tuesday
The next day I was thinking about the call and just said "whatever" I sent her an email with the files of her dog saying I thought about it and I'd like to just send them to you now..
Wednesday.
During Monday's call, I had said jokingly "I expect a formal apology letter in the next few days". At night she sent a message saying "This is my apology letter., I'm really sorry about how I handled the breakup[..] I wish you well and I hope we can be friends in the future, I think we'd get along well"
I saw it but fell asleep and didn't reply.
Thursday.
I send her a message telling her I didn't expect her to message me again and asked if I could call her. I did and basically told her that it was nice chatting the other day, and that yeah, maybe we could be friends in the future after all. I'm not petty and we had a great relationship, we broke up because we weren't compatible in terms of children ( I have one and she doesn't want children, long story). After our call she actually deleted me. I sent her a message asking and she told me that she didn't think it was good to have my contact and she didn't want to be having conversations with me. I thought it was weird after all that had happened, but figured she felt unconfortable and told her that it was alright and wished her well.
Friday.
She sent me a message, she said "if you want to see each other and talk, how about we go out for a drink today and get it out of the way" Reading that I inmediately thought "oh boy, that's a bad idea" But boy do I love terrible ideas, so I agreed.
I picked her up and we went to a bar and it was...nice. We chatted about what we had been up to, our families, a new tatoo she had where she included a sunflower because of me (she had planned it when we dated, but it was weird she still did it) We talked about the breakup, she apologized. She said she always speaks highly of me to whoever asks, and that she didn't break up with me because she doesn't like me, it was just the children thing. We had a great time of stories, memories, fun.
Part of me was hoping something else would happen, a kiss or maybe more. But I wasn't sure, I didn't want her to regret it. I kinda brought it up and she shut me down saying "I don't know if it would be good, because I'm seeing my ex even though we are not dating". And I backed down. But I wonder...could something have happened if maybe I tried to flirt with her or convince her? She hugged many times, we grabbed our hands at some point... But I honestly wasn't that sure myself. One part of me was saying "I would love for something to happen, she is technically single and sorry if I don't have much empathy for her ex, and if it's not now, then when? She clearly wanted to see me maybe that's why she told me she hasn't had sex with her ex." But at the same time I was thinking "I don't want her to regret it or get conflicted or do it myself... maybe it's better to leave it that way?"
In the end I kind of told her again I would want to, but I wasn't being smooth or flirtly just kind of said it, and she said "Hmm I don't know..." and I just dropped it. I wonder what would have happened if I approached it differently.
Saturday (today)
Now, it's over. We didn't talk after. We have no reason to. She said her apologies, I apologized for things I did wrong, we catched up, and that's...that. There's nothing else for us to talk about. And it feels weird and kind of empty.
On one hand I'm happy that we were able to chat, and have a good time. I'm glad we got along, we said our peaces. We know we can't go back together. There is no other pending thing. The only doubt left is wether something more could have happened that night, maybe that's why it's is spinning in my head, but even if something had happened... we would have gone our separate ways. The other doubts are why did she want to see me, what did she think she was going to get out of it, and if she is seeing her ex, why did she go out with me that day instead of him. But does it matter?
So it's the end. There is no anger to hold on to. There is no unfinished conversations, no missunderstandings. We did say we would surely see each other again in the future, but I don't think we'll ever talk anymore, we have no reason to. I'm sure she will start dating her ex soon, it seemed like she was preparing for that, finishing pending business, and I get the feeling they will date a long time. There is no place for me in her life, she doesn't need me there and I don't need her either. We objectively no longer need each other at all.
And it just feels, bittersweet?
I have her chat here... I told her I wouldn't be constantly messaging her, but I kind of want to send something. But...I have literally nothing else to tell her. I don't even want to get back together with her. The literal only thing I can think of is inviting her again somewhere or telling her I wished something more happened that night, or ask what did she want out of hanging out with me. But even if I want to ask that, it feels so out of place.
I thought I would feel different. We had a good relationship, broke up and then later on talked about what happened, apologized, got along and had a good time. Isn't that what many of us would like from a breakup? For things to end well, have no resentment, and wish each other well?
But this end, even though it should be happy, just makes me feel weird and empty.
  
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I feel you. Breakups are hard, losing someone so close is horrible. At the same time, not knowing you, and being completely detached from your situation I just get the feeling that you don't respect yourself. Your ex suddenly left you and went straight back to her ex. Now she contacts you minimizing her current relationship with the person she left you for, and actively using your feelings for her.
I understand the need or instinct to try to get her back, but it seems like she is disrespecting both of the guys (you and her other ex) in her life. I know it sucks but nothing is worth more than you. You should be your own priority and value tht above everyhing. Enjoy life, and someone who actually respects you will come along.
P.S. It is normal to feel like shit after a breakup, for me a breakup is always like a funeral, someone you deeply care about suddenly dissapears from your life and you know you won't get that person back. Mourn the relationship, take your time and then move on.
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You must know she was seeing her ex for a long time before ending it with you, don't you?
Having said that, it boggles my mind how can men and women be so clingy and hope for a clean return to their exes. It's done, it's over, that's all, just move on. But no, instead of being happy that you're now at least somewhat free, you're lamenting over how sweet the relationship was. Why don't you feel good about yourself? Why don't you celebrate that this woman is mostly out of your life? I'm not saying "Hey, go frequent whores now and do cocaine," by no means, no. This would be more shameful that how you're acting now. I would recommend delving into a hobby, be it gaming or reading or whatever.
All in all, from this short text I'm under the impression that you have severe self esteem issues coupled with zero to no real life experience. I hope I'm wrong and I wish you all the best coping with this situation that I think doesn't warrant the pathos you ascribe to it.
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Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants/wants to both have her cake and eat it. Don't know how things are in your culture, but as my fellow Bulgarian above says - sounds only like bad news for you if you don't go cold turkey immediately.
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On October 03 2023 12:46 namkraft wrote:
500 Days of Summer!
with global warming in Canada... we're having a hot October. Its awesome.
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On October 02 2023 22:31 JoinTheRain wrote:
You must know she was seeing her ex for a long time before ending it with you, don't you?
Having said that, it boggles my mind how can men and women be so clingy and hope for a clean return to their exes. It's done, it's over, that's all, just move on. But no, instead of being happy that you're now at least somewhat free, you're lamenting over how sweet the relationship was. Why don't you feel good about yourself? Why don't you celebrate that this woman is mostly out of your life? I'm not saying "Hey, go frequent whores now and do cocaine," by no means, no. This would be more shameful that how you're acting now. I would recommend delving into a hobby, be it gaming or reading or whatever.
All in all, from this short text I'm under the impression that you have severe self esteem issues coupled with zero to no real life experience. I hope I'm wrong and I wish you all the best coping with this situation that I think doesn't warrant the pathos you ascribe to it.
While I submit that your POV will often be right, relationships are as different as people, and how we reasonably feel about them can be too. There is no "one size fits all" advice or interpretation, and digging so deep as to say that he has low self-esteem and "zero to no real life experience" is digging pretty deep into something you don't know much about. We only have one slice of one side of this story, and almost nothing about the greater context of the life in which this story was told.
@OP: That empty feeling is understandable. Extend the same understanding and care you would to a friend, but to yourself. Give yourself time to process, grieve, overcome, forget, whatever comes naturally and makes you feel better. Hope you do so soon. I feel you.
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I have the impression you handle this whole breakup quite mature and "healthy"; well thought through and objective. I think, wld it be me & I was looking back at the breakup some time later I wld be proud of myself.
What I know of myself and human behavior, you wondering about what could have happend that night if you acted a bit different, comes down to confirmation (idk if that is the correct term in english) of yourself by another human. You like her, you are attracted to her, she's actively staying in contact with you after your initiation and she stated she thinks it's wrong to kiss or anything in this direction. Wld have something happend it wld be a (a further) confirmation that she likes you too, that she's attracted to you too. This kind of confirmation is something every human is looking for in some way.
Anyway, all the best to you 
on another note, this
On October 02 2023 22:31 JoinTheRain wrote:
You must know she was seeing her ex for a long time before ending it with you, don't you?
Having said that, it boggles my mind how can men and women be so clingy and hope for a clean return to their exes. It's done, it's over, that's all, just move on. But no, instead of being happy that you're now at least somewhat free, you're lamenting over how sweet the relationship was. Why don't you feel good about yourself? Why don't you celebrate that this woman is mostly out of your life? I'm not saying "Hey, go frequent whores now and do cocaine," by no means, no. This would be more shameful that how you're acting now. I would recommend delving into a hobby, be it gaming or reading or whatever.
All in all, from this short text I'm under the impression that you have severe self esteem issues coupled with zero to no real life experience. I hope I'm wrong and I wish you all the best coping with this situation that I think doesn't warrant the pathos you ascribe to it.
makes me feel very sorry for you, JoinTheRain. Your take on life saddens me quite a bit :/
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hey buddy hope you are doing good. breakups can be hard. @jointherain quick to judge and make assumptions huh?
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NICE BKLOG
User was temp banned for this post.
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United States1775 Posts
On October 02 2023 22:31 JoinTheRain wrote:
You must know she was seeing her ex for a long time before ending it with you, don't you?
Having said that, it boggles my mind how can men and women be so clingy and hope for a clean return to their exes. It's done, it's over, that's all, just move on. But no, instead of being happy that you're now at least somewhat free, you're lamenting over how sweet the relationship was. Why don't you feel good about yourself? Why don't you celebrate that this woman is mostly out of your life? I'm not saying "Hey, go frequent whores now and do cocaine," by no means, no. This would be more shameful that how you're acting now. I would recommend delving into a hobby, be it gaming or reading or whatever.
All in all, from this short text I'm under the impression that you have severe self esteem issues coupled with zero to no real life experience. I hope I'm wrong and I wish you all the best coping with this situation that I think doesn't warrant the pathos you ascribe to it.
Man with child has no life experience... checks out?
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Read the whole thing, hope you start feeling better soon. I have heard one should wait 6 months before attempting contact and/or reconciliation with an ex... specifically to avoid the kind of ambiguity you are feeling now. I think there is wisdom in that practice.
Sounds like she's not really sure where she's at either based on her on and off conversations with you. I wouldn't be surprised if she reached out again. If you really don't want her back tell her you're open to talking again in a few months but that you need space (if she initiates contact again.) Then re-evaluate in 4-6 months... you will have a clearer head.
If you do want her back... I don't know what advice to give you. Situation becomes too complex for me as a rando internet commentator. Consult friends, mentors and family... either way GL and feel better.
Also... nice video, thank you for posting.
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My opinion is to immediately stop pursuing a relationship with her. Your judgment seems impaired because you obviously like/love her still. From your perspective it seems you’ve been blindsided by her, she abruptly broke up with you for her ex, which she must of been communicating with for who knows how long while you were dating. Now she’s getting coffee with you again while still seeing her current fuck buddy/bf? And it really seems like you want to make things work with her again as bf and gf. This entire thing is incredibly toxic, even if you did “win her back” why wouldn’t she do this again? You’ve seen her true colours, now run
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Northern Ireland23320 Posts
Feel better soon man, shit’s always rough, and if it isn’t rough well, that isn’t a sign of any kind of good relationship.
Can’t give any better advice than others have already given, hope you’re keeping ok dude
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Sounds like she got the closure she needed, she’s moved on already, and was waiting for acceptance to do so in a way from your part; you sound like you have not moved on and still hope and wish and secretly crave a relationship with her where it can just work - but she gave you the straight up reason - you have a kid, and she does not want kids. She is being mature and taking the responsible choice, instead of getting further involved with you, and then whatever goodbye thank you very much.
During the actual brake up phase yeah, I am sure she was not the kindest of people, that happens a lot, lots of emotions, etc. point is she came back and faced it, and she wants you to be happy, in your own way, not with her, so she does still love you, and cares for you, but not as a partner and not in a relationship.
You need to find closure too bro, instead of clinging on the good moments you have had (even recently) with here. And no, to answer your question about sex, the only way she would have gone to bed with you, was if you told her that’s what you needed for your own closure, but that would have been stupid, manipulative and complicated things enormously; and even then, she would have not kept seeying you, she would have cut you off completely again. So yeah, it’s a done deal. Give yourself time and my advice is do not message her, give yourself time, time heals the pain
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EPT
