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I can't believe I am actually doing this while I should be studying hahahaha...
A new school year had started yet again. I was going to become a junior in high school. Time just passed so quickly. Up until now, nothing new had happened...but as I think about it, my junior year was where my high school life had gone through a big change. Out of my friends, I didn't have many girlfriends (as in just friends). I might have talked to a girl to ask her for homework, but no such thing as casual talk. The main reason is because I know that I am shy (yes, even though I am shy, it isn't easy to just become sociable with girls). It started in Math class...a new girl from a completely different school shared classes with me. The first month, we didn't really talk. I didn't really like her either - despite her beautiful appearance, she seemed really talkative and was annoying.
This is where it all started. She suddenly started asking me questions. She told me that math wasn't her best subject. Luckily, for me, math was my best. I started helping her, and we got to know each other. I found her on Myspace, and friended her. We started talking on AIM, like friends. Up until this point, I didn't have any sort of feelings for her. I don't know why, but as a month passed, I always smiled when I saw her face. She was kind and my initial judgments on her were wrong...she was just sociable, unlike me. In anime or manga, isn't it usually the guy that's outgoing and the girl that's shy?
Everytime I was assigned something from school, I would work with her. Eventually, we became almost like best friends. I was envied by some of my friends, who thought I was lucky as fuck. Up until now, this was the first time I actually had a girl as a friend...even though we had known each other for two and a half months, it seemed as if we knew each other for years. There was such a weird thing though. Some people referred to her as a "slut" which infuriates me. She never dressed like one, but it was probably because of how she acted to guys (maybe?) She was talkative, as mentioned, and quite a flirt :/. I tried my best to ignore that fact...when she was with me she was really different. Nonetheless, our relationship went downhill. First, I asked her out to the formal, prom, whatever you call it. She didn't reject, but said maybe...I felt sad but tried my best to stay strong. Next, she got a boyfriend (not from our school). I got extremely depressed (not extreme, but my attitude somewhat changed). We stopped talking to each other for one month.
After time passed, one of my best friends, who was a friend of that girl, told me that the girl was complaining to him. Why? She told him that I was ignoring her, and she felt sad. I was baffled...she was the one who stopped talking to me. I could feel it from her outer appearance she didn't want to talk to me. Eventually, she broke up, and started talking to me again. I was kind of happy, because I finally had a chance. I asked my best friend again to ask her about what she thought about relationships. She replied that she does not want to go out with anybody from this school and she wants to keep relationships as friends. This is probably the biggest thing I don't get. Why would she think like that? In addition, as school almost came to an end, I kept getting the feeling she was USING me. It pissed me off. Sometimes she wouldn't talk to me. Then she would suddenly talk to me to ask me about math and that she needed major help on homework, quizzes, tests. Besides that, she wouldn't talk to me. So a lot of my friends started thinking that she was using me. They told me to just forget about her. But how could I forget the girl I've been secretly in love with for so long? She MIGHT have been using me...but I still love her. It isn't easy to just stop loving someone.
Our status as of now? We are normal and good friends once again. Of course I will hate the fact that she is a flirt. Regardless, I really like how everything is as of now. I have one year left in high school. I really want to make something out of my final year and make it memorable. She even might be moving during the spring or end of the school year. Even though she said she doesn't want to become a part of a serious relationship, I want to take my chances. I want to change her opinion...but how? And what should I do? Also, I don't know if she is using me or not...I just hope it isn't true.
 
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Tell her you have 500 APM.
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maybe she asks you for help so that she would have an excuse to spend time with you because she doesn't have any other opportunities?
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Hmm also, does this mean something??
She won't talk to me when I'm with other people, especailly my friends. Instead, she talks to people around her who aren't even good friends with her. However, when alone together, she talks with me like no other..wow. It's so weird. Hate me? Embarrassed to be with me in front of others? Or... love me (j/k...)
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This is where it all started. She suddenly started asking me questions. She told me that math wasn't her best subject. Luckily, for me, math was my best. I started helping her,
I guessed the ending when I got to this bit!
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do you eat lunch with her?
do you do stuff together?
maybe you should confront her and be like, "sup bitch, doing math with you is boring...let's go to a movie"
maybe your friends are intimidating?
oh and start calling her "bitch" or "cunt" or "slut" or something to that effect
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what the hell? bitch, cunt? are you serious..lol it sort of makes me look bad.
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It seems you have a very common problem I see all the time. Hell, it happens to most of us. The guys that are reserved and are pretty smart that help that girl "friend" that isn't as good with the subject. It happened to me countless times with countless girls, in varying degrees and to various ends. I know exactly how you feel. You want to help her - but you don't want to be a tool. You don't want to be a tool - but you want her to like you. You want her to like you - because you like her. It's harsh. You need to make decisions and judgments in your near future, to decide whether or not this will end in heartbreak or as a great senior experience - and the most frustrating thing is that at least half of the result is outside your grasp. This will come out lengthy, but I hope you will read it and it will help. I'll respond to any questions you have.
PART ONE
You should first think back and see how your conversations started when you entered the friendship stage. Did she always IM/call/talk to you first? If so, then it is obvious why she talked to you more during times of need. If you don't show any need for the other person, they won't feel that you are really interested in them. Now, I'm not saying start every conversation with her, but I am saying you should find a comfortable balance; you IM her first sometimes, she IMs you first sometimes. Because the way I see it, this is her throught process: "He never seems to message me, so he might not want to talk to me or might be busy... I'll only message him if I need his help because I don't want to bother him for no reason." The fact that you said you were shy leads me to assume you don't IM her first often, so I think I should be pretty close to the target here.
However, if your conversations ARE balanced, then unfortunately the chances of her using you are higher. The fact that she knows you like talking to her, but she only contacts you when she needs help, leads me to the conclusion she is using you to a degree. You can't let that happen, no matter how much you like the girl and want to help. You have to have some respect and dignity, because let's face it, if you let yourself be used, who wouldn't use you? My policy with girls is I do things out of my free will, but if they push the envelope, I put them in their place.
With that said, here is your plan of action in this scenario:
1) If you hadn't IMed/called/talked first to her much in the past:
It's time for you to show you are interested in her NOW, not just in the past when you asked her to prom or what not. It's obvious you acted prematurely then without understandhing her emotions well enough. Don't make the same mistake; initiate some conversations, and see if she starts initiating them back. If not, then she doesn't have enough interest in you and already sees you as someone who she wouldn't want to be with. It hurts, but it's almost impossible to break out of this; I'd suggest going on to someone else before you hurt yourself, because let's face it, there are many others out there, even if you don't see them at a superficial glance.
2) You have been IMing/calling/talking first to her as much as she has to you, or maybe even more:
Then you're in a different kind of trouble. She isn't interested in you unless you are dishing out help and answers to get her those A's. Not trying to make her sound cold-hearted (though she may be), because it's also possible that you set yourself up for it with your shy mannerisms.
Something to note about this, however: If she was using you, she wouldn't have complained to your friend. That is, unless she is a total heartless manipulative bitch with extreme planning skills. The chance of that is low, however. With this in mind, you know that she has or had at least some inkling of interest in maintaining a friendly relationship, and almost any friendship can turn into a relationship. Don't be shy, don't lose confidence; if you were there just for the answers, she wouldn't have cared as much and would have moved on to someone else.
PART TWO
Okay, now to move on to her issue with going out with boys from school. Girls often make excuses like this when they either
A) Don't find the guy they are talking to currently attractive or acceptable enough, so they want to let them go in a nice way,
OR
B) Haven't found someone they like in the school enough to change their minds about this predetermined fact, which means you can change her mind. Girls sometimes do this because they feel insecure in a new school. By the sound of how she is treated, it seems likely that she has at least some self esteem issues about being called a "slut", even if you are right in saying it is for no reason. The fact that she flirts with guys makes it easy for other girls to call her that, but it also shows that she (even if subconsciously) considers those guys as an option. Which is good for you, since she flirts with you.
Those are probably not the ONLY two options, but they do seem like the most likely to me. Now, what can you do? For both scenarios I think the strategy is similar. You have to show your worth without giving her your heart. You can't show her you love her, but you can't pretend to have no interest in her either. What I mean by this is, you have to be friendly with her and maybe a little flirtatious in return to her own advances. But, you can't take it too serious too fast, as you probably did with prom. You have to see if she responds to your flirting, if she IMs you first (as mentioned in Part One), and if she talks to you about things other than school and help with work. On the other hand, you can't just sit and wait for her to make a move - you have to be able to give tit for tat. Don't sit and expect for her to IM you and thus show interset in you - you have to IM her and talk to her too.
With all of that said, you can have a bad or good chance with her from now. You'd know better than any of us would, because you know her better than we do. Take into account the things I mentioned in Part One, and if she isn't just using you, use some of the stuff from Part B to help your chances. Once you feel that the liking is mutual, at least a little bit, you can start flirting more heavily and making your intent a little more clear, eventually and hopefully leading to the relationship you want. If, however, she is a bitch or it is too late down the line for such a relationship, you should try to move on, because if you don't it will just hurt you over time. Moving on hurts but it must be done to have a healthy mind and a healthy life. Like I said before, there are diamonds in the rough; that 7/10 girl in the back of your math class that you never really talked to because she seemed too boring could actually be the perfect one for you. The main point is don't be down, because you are young and have many options.
Good luck, have fun, think it through, make thorough decisions, and most importantly try to be happy and focus on the main goals ahead n_n A stumble here over a girl who wouldn't budge in the future will seem like a girl who wasn't worth your time. Take care.
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On September 16 2007 12:48 vstar wrote:Hmm also, does this mean something?? She won't talk to me when I'm with other people, especailly my friends. Instead, she talks to people around her who aren't even good friends with her. However, when alone together, she talks with me like no other..wow. It's so weird. Hate me? Embarrassed to be with me in front of others? Or... love me (j/k...)
Often times, in my experience, girls do this so that you try to seek her attention. It makes them feel wanted, it makes them feel like you appreciate them. But, you can't let them get that satisfaction all the time, or they will think they are above you. You should try to talk to her once in a while when in a group, but show her that you have fun and interest with other people too - don't stop talking to your friends to talk only to her.
If she talks to you one on one, but not in a group, it means that she isn't ignoring you and most likely she isn't ashamed. It's more good than bad, 99% of the time, trust me n_n.
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On September 16 2007 12:57 vstar wrote:
what the hell? bitch, cunt? are you serious..lol it sort of makes me look bad.
Yea... I wouldn't do that. You can't sell out to her and be her bitch just because you like her, but going to the other extreme and using names is unacceptable :/.
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Welcome to the friend zone. Enjoy your stay. P.S. she's a manipulative bitch who used the shit out of you, and you might have become friends in the process. You will NEVER get with her. I'm assuming this is your first crush from what you wrote, and its a shame it had to happen to you so late in life. Usually happens in like middle school and guys figure out when a girl is using them and/or they dont have a chance with a girl. My advice: Let it go, dont get so attached to girls in the future, and dont be such a tool. I dont mean this in an insulting tone. It seems you dont really know how to woo a girl, which i guess isnt you're fault, you're just shy and havent spent much time around them.
Okay if you still reallllllly want to go after her, it would have to be something drastic with massive risk/reward scenario. You would a)never be friends again (which you should probably do anyways, its not good for you to be around a girl you're crushing on if you need to get past her) or b)you might have a non-platonic relationship. 99:1 odds. If i were you, i would start messing with the fact that she needs you. Use the fact that she's using you. Fuck with her. Lead her astray, make her give you sexual favors for tutoring, pretty much whatever you want. You're the one she desires (for your help), so you have concrete power. She merely has superficial power of your assuming that you like her. Remove those feelings and now its a one-way street.
Okay this post is probably just rambling of a bunch of shitty ideas flying around in my head, someone feel free to fix it for me.
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Why the fuck are you wasting your time with love, SHOULDNT YOU BE STUDYING FOR YOUR SATs??!!!
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On September 16 2007 13:36 ATeddyBear wrote:
Why the fuck are you wasting your time with love, SHOULDNT YOU BE STUDYING FOR YOUR SATs??!!!
Lol xD
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Fantacist, thanks for the tips. I appreciate it
Luckily, I don't talk to her much on AIM or call her either. So I assume that's a good thing.
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On September 16 2007 13:36 ATeddyBear wrote:
Why the fuck are you wasting your time with love, SHOULDNT YOU BE STUDYING FOR YOUR SATs??!!!
but mom.........
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On September 16 2007 13:37 vstar wrote:Fantacist, thanks for the tips. I appreciate it Luckily, I don't talk to her much on AIM or call her either. So I assume that's a good thing.
No problem n_n
Maybe you should start? Being present in her life outside of school will show her that you and school are two seperate entities. I'm not saying be a crazy stalker, but talking once in a while would be good too. Also, it's much easier to think about what you are gonna say on AIM than it is in person.
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But talk about what? I really noticed that alone, I SUCK at starting a good conversation.
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I know this might sound harsh and not what you want, but what I think is:
- When she said: "Even though she said she doesn't want to become a part of a serious relationship" take it seriously. If she said that she probably means it.
- You're in your senior year. Study. (I am not your mom)
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United States43300 Posts
Doesn't look like she's interested. I know the type, friendly and flirty with everyone. She won't reject you outright unless you ask her clearly but will instead dodge the issue, not because she wants to lead you on but because she wants you to like her. As with most girl topics, you're screwed. Either be open with her and tell her how you feel so you can at least tell yourself you tried and stop being awkward around her or try and silently bury your feelings.
On a related note, I told a very good friend I was interested in her recently and although I was totally shot down it didn't change us as friends. So basically, it's worth a shot.
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and you can ask her to introduce you to some of her prettier friends
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United States20661 Posts
there is a sort of melancholy honor in being used by a female
it's not that bad ;p
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
Welcome to "love". For the next 5-10 years, it is going to make you feel perpetually terrible and depressed.
When people are in "love" (more like infatuated, really), they do stupid and completely irrational things. It is futile to try to make sense of it, and moreover you will inevitably find yourself doing stupid and irrational things, too.
You'll just have to wait until you and your "dating pool" are mature enough to stay rational despite your feelings for each other. Until then, "love" will only torment you.
If you want to end the agony earlier, then there are only two things you can do:
1. castrate yourself, or
2. become a confident person and learn to stop fretting over whether girls like you.
And obviously I do not recommend option 1.
The only way to become a confident person is to convince yourself of it. You will iterally have to change the way you think. Every time you start to worry about a girl you like, you are going to have to forget about it and think about something else, and disregard the throbbing emotions of anxiety that you'll feel. Generally, this kind of thing will take years at the least, and happen very gradually over time, if at all. But, ultimately, it is what you have to do.
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This happened to my friend once. He met this chick in his Pre-Calc class that was one of those "wtf are you doing here?" people. She was OBVIOUSLY using him because my friend has never talked to this bitch. She would flirt around with him and whatnot just to get the answers off of him and shit, and even agreed to go to prom with him.
Well, one thing led to another and he ended up asking her out and she just told him off right there that this whole time she was just using him. He literally just broke down. He was a fragile person emotionally, and doing this shattered him. On monday, he came with disheveled hair, wrinkled clothing, and a stoic expression. She apologized to him and said she didn't know what came over her(stupid bitch probably forgot it wasn't the end of the year ROFL!). He committed suicide the next day.
Women can be bitches~
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On September 16 2007 13:42 fanatacist wrote:Show nested quote +On September 16 2007 13:37 vstar wrote:Fantacist, thanks for the tips. I appreciate it Luckily, I don't talk to her much on AIM or call her either. So I assume that's a good thing. No problem n_n Maybe you should start? Being present in her life outside of school will show her that you and school are two seperate entities. I'm not saying be a crazy stalker, but talking once in a while would be good too. Also, it's much easier to think about what you are gonna say on AIM than it is in person.
I know what you mean. I am terrible at starting conversations too. But I know that I'm pretty funny when I want to be and can continue one well. Find what you are good at that can capture her interest. Don't do the same old "hi" "hi" "how r u" "good u" bullshit. Find a way to make it unique and interesting so she knows who she is talking to. I mean, saying hi and how are you are great starters, but you better have a better answer than "not much" when she asks you back. Get what I'm trying to say?
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She isn't a slut. She's a using whore (equally as bad imo).
Cut your losses and just be friends with her. Honestly, even if you do get together, a personality like hers won't keep you together once you reach college.
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On September 16 2007 15:55 Daranee wrote:
She isn't a slut. She's a using whore (equally as bad imo).
Cut your losses and just be friends with her. Honestly, even if you do get together, a personality like hers won't keep you together once you reach college.
Barely any teen relationships last through college (no matter how much you want them to at time >.
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decaf is correct, bail. You're in highschool man fuck it there's ton of girls in college.
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Well starting convos aren't bad but I just want like good things to talk about. Basically I can talk with her for hours and hours but I'd feel so awkward 
I mean, in a way, I am intimate with her......even if she flirts a lot, she likes to be with me more from how I see it Still, I fucking hate it that she uses me in a way and I have thought over it many times I should just forget about her. However, when she starts talking to me A LOT, I am once again forced by myself to like her ;;
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Kwark and Bill have good advice.
Anyway, tbh I have little experience with girls, but am older than you. My advice would be to bring her to your house or get some place where you can talk to her. Then have a conversation, tell her how you feel. If she isn't interested, then I would stop spending time with her and talking to her. Still be nice to her, help her with her math if she wants (up to you), but have business-like study sessions.
Just realize everything isn't perfect right now, because what will probably happen is she will go out with one of your friends and you will be upset.
Also, I have written this in a very serious tone. If you want a girlfriend you can't be as serious as this.
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On September 16 2007 23:52 vstar wrote:Well starting convos aren't bad but I just want like good things to talk about. Basically I can talk with her for hours and hours but I'd feel so awkward I mean, in a way, I am intimate with her......even if she flirts a lot, she likes to be with me more from how I see it Still, I fucking hate it that she uses me in a way and I have thought over it many times I should just forget about her. However, when she starts talking to me A LOT, I am once again forced by myself to like her ;;
Also, realize that its entirely possible that she talks to other people like that when she is alone with them. Girls can be like that but not realize that you really like her.
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On September 17 2007 00:01 fight_or_flight wrote:Show nested quote +On September 16 2007 23:52 vstar wrote:Well starting convos aren't bad but I just want like good things to talk about. Basically I can talk with her for hours and hours but I'd feel so awkward I mean, in a way, I am intimate with her......even if she flirts a lot, she likes to be with me more from how I see it Still, I fucking hate it that she uses me in a way and I have thought over it many times I should just forget about her. However, when she starts talking to me A LOT, I am once again forced by myself to like her ;; Also, realize that its entirely possible that she talks to other people like that when she is alone with them. Girls can be like that but not realize that you really like her.
I bet she does. I think staying as good friends will do..if she ever considered me as a friend...=\
Or I can just risk it, but I can save that for later this year.
By the way, I read all of your comments. But I am still in a dilemma. HAHA whatever, I'm out
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On September 17 2007 00:16 vstar wrote:Show nested quote +On September 17 2007 00:01 fight_or_flight wrote:On September 16 2007 23:52 vstar wrote:Well starting convos aren't bad but I just want like good things to talk about. Basically I can talk with her for hours and hours but I'd feel so awkward I mean, in a way, I am intimate with her......even if she flirts a lot, she likes to be with me more from how I see it Still, I fucking hate it that she uses me in a way and I have thought over it many times I should just forget about her. However, when she starts talking to me A LOT, I am once again forced by myself to like her ;; Also, realize that its entirely possible that she talks to other people like that when she is alone with them. Girls can be like that but not realize that you really like her. I bet she does. I think staying as good friends will do..if she ever considered me as a friend...=\ Or I can just risk it, but I can save that for later this year. By the way, I read all of your comments. But I am still in a dilemma. HAHA whatever, I'm out
What is your dilemma? By the way the fact that she flirts with other people and has friend talks with you is NOT a good thing. You pretty much want it to be the other way around. Unless she's a bitch who just flirts with guys getting their hopes up and then never progressing.
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Belgium8305 Posts
as far as she's concerned you might as well have a vagina dawg
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On September 16 2007 12:12 vstar wrote:
She told him that I was ignoring her, and she felt sad. I was baffled...she was the one who stopped talking to me.
If girls' brains worked more like guys (which usually involve only two things: sex or beer/food), the world would be a much better place, and TL's general forum would die.
You already asked her out, and she's got a boyfriend... I don't see how this is going to pan out for you, sorry =\\
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i forgot to mention that she broke up lol.
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She might be leading you on, but I don't think that's the case...
Like most of the people here said, I think you just need to boost your confidence.
And since you said this is your first time in a situation like this, you'll probably learn a lot and the next time you get into something like this you'll know what to do. I'm thinking this kinda thing might happen again in your next few years in college! GL
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On September 17 2007 01:06 decafchicken wrote:Show nested quote +On September 17 2007 00:16 vstar wrote:On September 17 2007 00:01 fight_or_flight wrote:On September 16 2007 23:52 vstar wrote:Well starting convos aren't bad but I just want like good things to talk about. Basically I can talk with her for hours and hours but I'd feel so awkward I mean, in a way, I am intimate with her......even if she flirts a lot, she likes to be with me more from how I see it Still, I fucking hate it that she uses me in a way and I have thought over it many times I should just forget about her. However, when she starts talking to me A LOT, I am once again forced by myself to like her ;; Also, realize that its entirely possible that she talks to other people like that when she is alone with them. Girls can be like that but not realize that you really like her. I bet she does. I think staying as good friends will do..if she ever considered me as a friend...=\ Or I can just risk it, but I can save that for later this year. By the way, I read all of your comments. But I am still in a dilemma. HAHA whatever, I'm out What is your dilemma? By the way the fact that she flirts with other people and has friend talks with you is NOT a good thing. You pretty much want it to be the other way around. Unless she's a bitch who just flirts with guys getting their hopes up and then never progressing.
Dilemma: Well i don't know if it's a dilemma but...should I eventually make the move or should I just stay as friends?
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On September 17 2007 09:27 vstar wrote:Show nested quote +On September 17 2007 01:06 decafchicken wrote:On September 17 2007 00:16 vstar wrote:On September 17 2007 00:01 fight_or_flight wrote:On September 16 2007 23:52 vstar wrote:Well starting convos aren't bad but I just want like good things to talk about. Basically I can talk with her for hours and hours but I'd feel so awkward I mean, in a way, I am intimate with her......even if she flirts a lot, she likes to be with me more from how I see it Still, I fucking hate it that she uses me in a way and I have thought over it many times I should just forget about her. However, when she starts talking to me A LOT, I am once again forced by myself to like her ;; Also, realize that its entirely possible that she talks to other people like that when she is alone with them. Girls can be like that but not realize that you really like her. I bet she does. I think staying as good friends will do..if she ever considered me as a friend...=\ Or I can just risk it, but I can save that for later this year. By the way, I read all of your comments. But I am still in a dilemma. HAHA whatever, I'm out What is your dilemma? By the way the fact that she flirts with other people and has friend talks with you is NOT a good thing. You pretty much want it to be the other way around. Unless she's a bitch who just flirts with guys getting their hopes up and then never progressing. Dilemma: Well i don't know if it's a dilemma but...should I eventually make the move or should I just stay as friends?
Eventually? You should decide soon....make up your mind. Trying and failing isn't so bad either.
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EPT
