|
They found her on thursday. I still haven't gotten any details. The cops had taken the weekend off by the time I had a chance to contact them.
The papers state that a man has been caught and charged with manslaughter for the death of a early 30s woman. At least I know it probably wasn't suicide.
She had her faults and baggage, definitely, but she was by far the best person I've ever met. I wasn't in love during our one year together, but I was falling in love. I noticed that after we broke up on monday. She wanted an open relationship, as having her sexuality confined to one person was alien to her. I'd refused when we got together a year ago, and I still hadn't changed opinion.
So that was that.
However, during tuesday and wednesday, I realised that since we had decided to still keep seeing each other after the breakup, she in effect had gotten an open relationship from me. Just screwing around would have had her lose me over time, however. I'm not a good ex. And I didn't want to lose her.
I therefore decided to suggest an open relationship with some agreed-upon limits - no flirting with other guys when I was around, no skipping dates for other guys, no leaving with other guys when she was with me. I was going to suggest that the next time we met.
And now there's nothing.
I'm left with sadness, obviously. Guilt. Helplessness. Rage. Would she had been more careful if we hadn't broken up? I had refused her using strong drugs while we were a couple. Was me insisting on her getting drug councelling what started it? She didn't have money, and had to start selling in order to afford councelling lessons, which got her into the crowd again.
Such irony. My, and her, desire to cut drugs got her into selling drugs which got her into overdose. Simply because she hadn't got the money.
Which is bullshit. How can Norway, the richest country in the world, not afford a basic level of life for those falling outside the norm? Was the current government's cut on the payouts to the weakest to pay for tax cuts for the richest worth her life?
The rage is towards the useless local politicians, who for decades have mismanaged the drug policy in my city. Against the government politicians, who keep slashing benefits for the poorest. Against the local drug scene. Against the man who's charged with manslaughter.
It's all just complete bullshit.
 
|
I can only say one thing: My condolences. Losing someone who was that close feels surreal. I know how it feels. (A friend committed suicide in 2008.)
I hope you've got friends and family to deal with the situation.
|
United Kingdom10443 Posts
Sounds awful. You have my sympathy.
|
|
|
I'm very sorry to hear this.
|
You're right it's total bullshit.
You're right to be angry. You're right to punch a hole in the wall. You're angry at the system that makes it that much harder for those that are already struggling. At the moralizing of people with problems.
But the guilt part is harder. Because there is nothing to do about that one. No walls to punch. "What if I called?" "What if I told her how much she means to me?" I feel so bad for you that has to struggle with a question that is impossible to answer. Facing the irreversible.
Think instead about all the times you in fact DID save her. All the good times together. How she could talk to you. Be with you this last year. Your insistince for drug counceling was the correct thing. Without it she would have ruined herself. Trust me i know what i am talking about. The recurring story for people with drug addiction is a story of either abuse, serious parental negligence, bullying or a combination that lead to a battered feeling of self worth and identity. Drugs becomes a solution for many. Because they take away all the self-defense mechanisms that their brains have chosen for them to just survive as kids and stands in the way for them to feel the security and calmness that most people feel most of the time as an default. And even if someome is able to become clean, the danger of falling back will always follow them. Their life is so hard. The support they need in life can become so great that eventually, sadly tragedy often strikes.
You feel rage, sadness, helplessness and guilt. Everyone does. It just goes to show how much you cared for her and she cared for you. How you admired her. How she could make you feel. And now all that is taken away. How can life be this unfair?
Talk about her. Share the story about you and her. All of it. From beginning to end. People will listen to you.That is what we do. We care. It will help you more than anything i promise you. Her life and your time with her meant the world. It was not for nothing. Love never is. She was the best person you had met you told us.
There is alot of people thinking about you right now. I have read so many of these blogs over the years on TL and it affects all of us reading it.
It will get better. I dont know if that is what you want to hear right now. Or maybe you know this. Maybe you have experienced this kind of loss before. And even though she keeps appearing in your mind constantly. And you keep getting thoughts of things you want to tell her and share with her. Like she was still alive. And the pain you feel when you correct your mind...to the horrible fact that she is gone. There is pretty much nothing worse in the world. But remember how she would have wanted you to be if she died. She wants you to cry. To yell out her name and all the pain that goes with it. But not to eat you inside. Not for too long. She wants you to cherish her memory and share her story, your story, with others. She wants you to be happy again. With time.
|
My sincere sympathy, man..it's such a weird, horrible and outlandish feeling, when someone you love passes way too soon. 
I've lost my best friend...the closest friend I've ever had 11 years ago to cancer(leukemia).
When he got diagnosed, it had already spread to his liver and lungs, he passed within less than a month...
He was only 24, I still think about him...every day.
I can definitely feel your anger and sadness, the feeling of emptiness...passes in time...
Don't blame yourself or anyone, that just keeps the pain alive and will only harm the memories of the good times you had.. together ...trust me...I know.
|
|
|
Nothing really to say except my condolences, I cannot imagine how bad this must feel, although keep your head up because everything happens for a reason, she is in a happier place now. She knows you truly loved her and the time spent with her will help mold your future, god bless sir.
|
Norway28700 Posts
|
Seeker
Where dat snitch at?37034 Posts
|
My condolences, sorry for your loss.
|
My condolences. Don't blame yourself. Don't forget her.
Listen to what tanngard wrote, those are some very wise words.
Please be happy again. With time.
|
I knew I disliked politicians for a while now, but recently I discovered I despise them more than worms that eat sewage.
I am so sorry for your loss !
|
I'm sorry for your loss. My Condolences
|
Condoleances.
i know you don't want to hear this but maybe some people need to.
Drugs are not recreational and no! the governments do not "pick up" people "out of norm" in need of help.
WE are the governments! i am responsible, you are, .. by getting involved at all and any levels (doing it/getting money for people to do it/pass legislation that makes it an obligation to "help" people in need/etc)..
Yes! many real people helping addicts were addicts prior, they were selfish .. gained on the back of others.. ass holes or cunts.. but at one point they changed.. and they really help people.. they save people!
...
Again, my sincerest apology for this message (it is never a good time to open one's eyes to truth but we must)
and
sincerest condolences
life sux , but she is in you now.. make the most of it 
|
I appreciate the responses, especially tanngard's.
I'm pretty sure, now, that it was her heroin-addicted, violent, depressive ex that has been charged. The bits fit, although the police haven't given me any info about it yet.
Of course it could be my brain working over-time to attempt to rationalise what's happened, or at least shift blame. I'm fully aware of it. But I know for a fact she wouldn't let strangers into her house, so whoever has been charged, had to be someone she knew. And I know of his heroin history. And his age also matches. And there's also a lot of very personal details of what me and her talked about that monday that snaps into place.
Not at the least because I know she wasn't careless in her drug use. However, she had a dire fear of being rejected, and therefore easilly succumbed to social pressure. If her violent ex coerced or forced her to do heroin with him, and with her in addition being in a financially dependant situation to him, she couldn't have had a chance of refusal.
I'll get to know soon enough, I suppose. The initial sentencing was for two weeks to get the case sorted out. That's a week and a day ago.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
