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Some thoughts.

Blogs > SortOf
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SortOf
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
Sweden11 Posts
Last Edited: 2014-08-01 01:17:20
August 01 2014 01:14 GMT
#1
Right now I am unable to sleep after tonights loss in WCS and I have all these thoughts running through my head and I feel like writing some of it down to make things clearer to myself, and to anyone who might be intrested in my rambling thoughts.

I wanna write abit of where I come from in terms of my history with StarCraft, and abit of my life in general, but also where Im at right now.

I first started playing StarCraft when I was around 12 years old. Back then we didnt have a solid internet connection so I only played the campaign and offline with bots, on some weekends I would go online and play some UMS for a few hours using our 56k modem. Before StarCraft I had played alot of diffrent games but the only other multiplayer game I had played was Mario kart, if you can even call that a multiplayergame. I spent sometime playing StarCraft every now and then for a couple of years until we finally got a decent internet connection and I could start playing online in 2007.
Before this I had never really stuck with a game, playing a bunch of diffrent games, just for fun. I had also played socccer almost my entire life until this point, but after this I became consumed with StarCraft. After I started playing 1v1 multiplayer I spent ALL the time I could playing it. I started watching VODS of the progamers in Korea and thought to myself: This is what I want to do, That is where I want to be. Ive always wanted to be the best nomatter what im doing, and I just couldnt get over BroodWar, because it was so difficut, I just couldnt get myself to stop.

For 2 years I played no other games except broodwar. I started off playing on the EU server with friends, and here I got to know players like Runa, Bischu, Naugrim, Haypro and MorroW. After some time I started playing ICCup, I was around D+ when I started there in late 2007. I was compleatly caught up in broodwar and how hard it was, and I almost got high of the feeling of getting better after everygame. I kept playing ALOT and eventually hit A- on ICCup in early 2009. I remember staying up all night, playing 20+ backtoback games with bischu, or just grinding ladder whenever I could. At this point my average games per day was around 25+.

After this I kept playing for about another 6 months, until StarCraft 2 was right around the corner and most players had stopped playing. I also had just started highshool and was pretty busy with that so I didnt have the time to practice as much as before. At this point I started playing HoN with a few friends. HoN, and a few games of cs 1.6 with friends from time to time was the first and only other games I played since I started playing Broodwar, until the release of StarCraft 2. I started to enjoy playing HoN quite abit while waiting for starcraft 2 to come out, and sadly I didnt get access to the beta right away. I finally got to play StarCraft 2 when the open beta started, and after playing it I felt very sad, because I didnt feel like it was even close to being as good as Broodwar was, so for the first year of StarCraft 2 i didnt play much at all, maybe 5 hours each week.
Instead I ended up playing HoN alot more, mostly because since sc2 was out, there was very few players playing broodwar anymore, but after sometime, in early 2011, I realized how much I missed the competetiveness of StarCraft, of a 1v1 strategy game. I only really played HoN for fun, and it just wasnt doing it for me. I wanted to get back into StarCraft. So, I started practicing StarCraft 2 and basicly stopped playing all other games again.

I started going to a few tournaments, my first offline event was Dreamhack summer 2011, 4 years after I started playing broodwar I got to meet all the people I had spent alot of time with online. After this event I was supermotivated and kept pracitcing hard, playing a ton of online cups, EsportSM, Dreamhack Winter etc and in april 2012, right after Dreamhack Stockholm I decided to quit school to go fulltime.
After 4-5 months of playing fulltime, I started to lose some motivation, but when I got to Korea, the place I had always wanted to go, and got to practice in a teamhouse there... I just felt complete.
It was very hard for me to go back to europe and start practicing there again, from my room at home.

At this point I had also lost most of my old routinees and I had stopped working out. My motivation kept going down until I went back to Korea again in early 2013. I knew that Korea is where I want to be, even if gets lonely, and I dont speak the language, there was, and still is, nothing I want more then to be the best. After I went to Korea for the 3rd time, and the EGTL house shut down, my options of going back was very limited.

For the past year I have been doing so many things wrong and Im paying the price. Ive not taken good care of my health, both mentally and physically. Ive been forcing myself to practice, even when I dont want to, for a long time, because I cant give up. I cant stop thinking about StarCraft. Its on my mind 24/7. I cant stop until Ive reached where I want to. Im obsessed. But its time for something to change, I cant keep doing things like I have. I need to start taking care of myself, and commit myself 100% to what it is I want to achive. Right now I just have two things on my mind: Start taking care of myself, and getting back to Korea, or at the very least, a team house. I dont know if I will succed but I will keep trying.

Sorry for rambling alot, Im not the best writer. I hope this makes some sense atleast.
+


****
Progamer
KawaiiRice
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
United States2914 Posts
August 01 2014 01:28 GMT
#2
i hope you can keep doing what you love. good luck
@KawaiiRiceLighT
SelimSC
Profile Joined March 2014
Turkey39 Posts
August 01 2014 01:32 GMT
#3
Hope you find what you're looking for much love and support.
Life always finds a way.
Serinox
Profile Joined August 2011
Germany5224 Posts
August 01 2014 01:33 GMT
#4
Very compelling read. I really hope you can make it back to Korea and kick some ass again
Split Behemoth
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
France104 Posts
August 01 2014 01:38 GMT
#5
Good luck dude !
"I scout when i push" Adelscott
darthfoley
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States8001 Posts
August 01 2014 01:40 GMT
#6
We support you SortOf!!!
watch the wall collide with my fist, mostly over problems that i know i should fix
Cyro
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United Kingdom20285 Posts
August 01 2014 02:14 GMT
#7
On August 01 2014 10:40 darthfoley wrote:
We support you SortOf!!!


Really? I support him fully ;3
"oh my god my overclock... I got a single WHEA error on the 23rd hour, 9 minutes" -Belial88
shell
Profile Joined October 2010
Portugal2722 Posts
August 01 2014 02:32 GMT
#8
Hope you make it dude! Always enjoyed your games and always rooted for you.

GL
BENFICA || Besties: idra, Stephano, Nestea, Jaedong, Serral, Jinro, Scarlett || Zerg <3
ptbl
Profile Joined January 2011
United States6074 Posts
August 01 2014 02:45 GMT
#9
You have just gained a new fan. Seeing your dedication to this game makes me appreciate all the hard work and effort you have put into sc2. You will get back on your feet. You should talk to snute and TLO. They had some trouble with their health and mental conditioning, too. SortOf fighting!
Don't mind me
tomastaz
Profile Joined January 2013
United States976 Posts
August 01 2014 02:48 GMT
#10
Wishing you all the best! Seems like you an Naniwa together going to Korea would be the best for everyone
No church in the wild --- @tzhang0126
PhoenixVoid
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
Canada32740 Posts
August 01 2014 02:57 GMT
#11
You definitely have the passion and dedication even after Alliance which I have to respect. Best of luck I can see you love the game and want to go further with it and I hope you do.
I'm afraid of demented knife-wielding escaped lunatic libertarian zombie mutants
desRow
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Canada2654 Posts
August 01 2014 04:24 GMT
#12
interesting blog, best of luck dood <3
http://twitch.tv/desrowfighting http://twitter.com/desrowfighting http://facebook.com/desrowfighting
mikkmagro
Profile Joined April 2011
Malta1513 Posts
August 01 2014 04:49 GMT
#13
good luck SortOf!
mousesports, Team Acer, Fnatic!
Pharaphobia
Profile Joined October 2013
Czech Republic58 Posts
August 01 2014 05:21 GMT
#14
Good luck dude! I know you feel about that motivation I love StarCraft but I was missing a certain point of self succeed until I switched from Z to T !

Hope you gonna have a chance to go to korea or maybe go back to school and became casual beast gm zerg? (I will throw my money at you in both cases if support will be needed :D!)
http://twitch.tv/Pharaphobia
neoghaleon55
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
United States7435 Posts
August 01 2014 05:24 GMT
#15
you can do it!
moo...for DRG
BigFan
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
TLADT24920 Posts
August 01 2014 05:33 GMT
#16
Sounds good to me. Just make sure you have support after SCII so that you can go back and finish school or w/e it is you have in mind (basically, a back up plan). Otherwise, a brief but good start imo. Best of luck!
Former BW EiC"Watch Bakemonogatari or I will kill you." -Toad, April 18th, 2017
vult
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United States9400 Posts
August 01 2014 05:34 GMT
#17
GL dude, hope you can make it back to where you were mindset-wise and keep on trucking! I hope to see you in Korea again soon.
I used to play random, but for you I play very specifically.
Enstein
Profile Joined April 2013
Russian Federation134 Posts
August 01 2014 05:59 GMT
#18
Good luck, SortOf! Hope you manage to find the perfect balance between sc2 and real life and a new team that will support you.
Rooting for MaNa, Snute and Bunny. Europe holds!
endy
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Switzerland8970 Posts
August 01 2014 07:39 GMT
#19
I didn't know you were that good at BW. From D+ to A- in two years while being quite young (you said it was before high school) is really no small feat!

Good luck!
ॐ
Ronin2011
Profile Joined November 2012
Greece30 Posts
August 01 2014 07:56 GMT
#20
I'm with you Sortie! Always enjoying your fights in Tours and in your streaming time!
Take care yourself but if you don't want to give up on Starcraft you better find a Korean trainer!
The time of Reckoning has come!
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