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I understand bro. My girlfriend of five years broke up with me five weeks ago, whilst I was juggling a doctorate thesis, university and a 30hr per week internship. Her support was the only thing that seemed to keep me sane, now its gone and its a massive struggle to actually get work done because thoughts are always going through your head. The worst thing was, there was no fight, no build up to the break up, no cheating or anything of the sort. We had just spent a week over the New Year's in Madrid and it was amazing. She told me she needed to be alone, and crap like "we're not meant to be". It was so sudden that I could not believe it for quite some time. I kept waking up in the middle of the night and the worst thing was that I kept hoping that she'd suddenly change her mind.
Now I'm starting to come to terms with it. I'm still hurting a lot, and it will take many long months before I rid her of my thoughts, but now I'm making a conscious effort to think this way: It is not her that I miss, it is what we had. The companionship most of all, but not herself as a person. She tried to make it seem as though the reason why she broke up with me was my fault - she said that it has been five years and I hadn't committed myself to marriage and kids, but now I realise those are just excuses - she is at fault because she was selfish. She didn't love me as much as I loved her. I fucking deserve better.
I'm on a very tight deadline with my thesis especially, and this stress made me lose three weeks of work. It was really hard, but now I'm back on trying to focus on what's important, I'll finish my education and get rid of the stress, and when I'm done in June, I will start afresh. I'll go to the gym, increase my self-esteem, put myself out there, make new friends, and snatch any opportunity at adventure or progression I can. Live day by day, but focus on the future at the same time. Don't stay indoors, keep yourself busy...go for a walk or a run, immerse yourself in a good series of books, watch some apocalyptic movie or tv series and most of all, find some bros to hang out with and go have a beer. Keep yourself active and don't lock yourself inside. Spend more time at uni with your coursemates, skype your family etc talk to people!
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Don't worry about big changes. Look to improve a tiny amount every day. The small successes. Make sure you do improve that tiny amount, though. A month from now you'll be 30x more awesome than you are now. Keep at it.
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On February 25 2014 19:01 Esoterikk wrote:
Today after 3 years my Girl friend broke up with me. Honestly, if I was in a better spot it would be easier to handle but she was the only thing keeping me going, my life outside of her is a complete mess, I have no friends, no one to talk to, I'm in school (upgrading for uni) but this break up is so devastating I'm likely to drop out for a bit.
This blog is mainly because I don't have anyone to talk to and If I don't get this off my chest its going to tear me apart. She was my best friend, she was the only person I woke up for and the only person I talked too. How do you deal with grief with the person who helped you through problems is the person your grieving.
I'm just rambling now, completely devastated, don't really know where to go from here, I'm now a friendless, jobless student in a town I hate with a completely broken heart and no one to talk to.
I'm sorry for your loss. Parting ways with people you deeply care about is never easy. Reflecting on what happened and what you can learn from it is a must for developement, but regret leads nowhere.
As far as I can see, there are two paths for you. You can be bitter about it, slowly give up the things you have, or you can use it as a powerful tool to empower you. Seeing this sort of a devastating thing as empowerement may not be easy for a long time, but if you stay hopeful and try to take whatever opportunities you can to improve yourself and learn to love yourself and others again, you will go forward, and you will be grateful for the experience. If you wish, you can see this as an event that had to happen so that you'll take action, get out and try to have more friends and connections, and getting your life on track. Perhaps you'll be happier than ever then, but you had to endure this to get it done. See it for what you will, but do not get bitter about it or use it as an excuse to wallow in self-pity.
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day9 said in one of his vids that this is awesome. Not because it feels awesome, but in that you have a window of time where you can be sad and buy lots of icecream and whatever and nobody will question your right to do so. You have entitlement to sadness.
And then of course it gets better. Carry on. Take some advanced math courses in your spare time. It will make your life significantly more awesome in a few months.
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TLADT24920 Posts
I'm really sorry to hear that Esoterikk  It's definitely a sad thing to read about. I have to echo what everyone else is saying. You are allowed to be sad about it and I doubt anyone will force you to do otherwise. Having said all that, this is an opportunity for you to learn from. The pain will be there. It'll last for a while as you work through it but you can become a better person from this. You should reflect to see how things were and what went wrong to learn from this. I think the best way to fix your situation is to make more friends.
I'm not sure what school you go to but I'm sure there are a lot of clubs around that you can join. I would also recommend doing volunteer work. You'll feel better after helping others, get to talk to and make friends and it'll help you move on as well. I would avoid trying to place everything on one person in the near future to avoid this kind of situation. Also, talk to your parents and siblings. I'm sure they are understanding and would support you through this. If you feel you need a break, I would try to hang on just until you graduate from high school(you said planning for uni) then you can take a year break, consider your options and work on getting through it if need be. Don't give up and don't give in! Keep on fighting and best of luck!
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I think the majority of TL-ers have been there and +1 to that group. I know how you feel and like many have said, don't throw all your eggs into one basket.
All things aside, this is a perfect time to pick up on a new game or get better at the ones you are playing. Keep the mind and body occupied, so you do not think too much. When my ex broke up with me 2 years ago, I was as devastated as you were, but at the time, Dota and modern warfare 2 kept me going. It put me in a whole different world, away from the pain. A bonus was I got to kill things to relieve anger and stress.
Things will work out, they always do. Hang in there buddy.
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Don't let the pain get you. It's tough.
Personally, I'd consider taking this time to work on you. Figure out what you enjoy, pick up that hobby you haven't, go out and make some friends by getting involved with clubs, teams, a youth group, whatever. If you just sit by yourself and be sad you are going to be really miserable. Getting more things going will give you periods of relief where your mind is focused elsewhere, and as the pain lessens some you'll be really glad you worked to improve yourself.
Moreover by doing so you'll make yourself much more attractive to girls (and guys, in terms of making friends).
Might be too soon for this but:
she was the only thing keeping me going, my life outside of her is a complete mess, I have no friends, no one to talk to, I'm in school (upgrading for uni)
Sometimes this can cause girls to lose interest, because you just seem like this guy that doesn't have anything going for him, doesn't have much of a life, etc. I'm not saying this happened...but food for thought at least.
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I could quote something or write something nice. My wife left me early December and it sucked, I know what you are talking about. Now, two months later, I am incredibly happy and have met a girl whom I am 100% more compatible with than my ex. Things get better.
My ex wife and I share custody, 50/50 with my 14 month old son. After talking with some close friends, he is going to be staying with her more than myself. It's been hard on him and since I left her the house and everyhing in it, he's use to calling that home. It was an incredibly hard decision to make, but it will be better for him not being shifted around all the time. Of course I will see him all the time. It sucks, but he will be happier and things get better.
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EPT
