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Hi TL
I feel I have to get some stuff out and get some opinions.
In my last blog, I wanted to try to win back my ex who broke up with me this spring. So basically whole summer I've been trying to figure things out. And finally in early august my feelings were gone. That was such a relief. You all suggested me to "get over it", "plenty of fish in the sea" and you were all right. It's just so hard see anything clearly when you are blindly holding on to something.
Well, about three weeks later. New school, fresh start, new people, new possiblities. I meet this girl at a christian canoe weekend trip, and we fell in love. We chatted like hours and hours on facebook into the night. This was all new for me, because I'd never felt like this in my last relationship which was my first. Now things were amazing when we two weeks after meeting eachother weeks we confessed our feelings to each other, and quite opposite of the last relationship she actually were had crazy feelings for me from the start. Now, about 5 weeks later things has become a bit more difficult.
We are both students, lots of things to do and she especially have a busy schedule. In the start, all our responisibilties and sleep suffered because of our time togather. Now after some time, she is trying to focus more on things. She gets more sleep and focuses more on school, and that really leads to nearly no time together.
I really want to spend time with her. I ask her out several times, and I want to meet her after school or whenver she has time. Maybe I'm overdoing things, and she has started to annoy her to a certain extent when she feels she has to answer me on facebook when in class. I don't know but I just get all emotional and stuff when she rarly contancts me, dont have time for me etc. I mean, last time we were togather was on Saturday, and since then I've had one real phonecall with her. She says she can go days without having to talk. I just don't really get it? Is this normal? What is the normal time to spend together? I know I might be a bit needy, but isn't that a part of it, to want to spend time together? All I can think of is her. And she says the same.
So my question is to you guys. What do I do?
I know I have to calm down, and get my stuff together. But then, what is the point of beeing with a person if she doens't have time. It really destroys me not to be with her when all I can think of is her. I get so emotional sometimes about it, threaten to shut down / not talk to her and stuff. I really hate it, but guess it's just an emotinal defensive reaction. It pretty much ruined my last relationship and I don't know how to deal with it properly. I overreact a lot. Do any of you guys recognize this? And how do you deal with it?
I just don't understand how she can be in love (which I'm sure she is) and then don't have time to talk to me. I know she has to stay focused at School, visit her family and do all the other activies that is important as well. And I'm happy she does to a certain extent. Some activities we do together, but we never get time alone anymore to just chat and enjoy it as in first weeks of the relationship.
Sometimes I want to break up, delete her from facebook and never talk to her again because I feel there is no response, and it drives me crazy not be with her, but then when I'm with her, everything is like heaven. Freakin hate this, sometimes I wish I never met her. Especially since I was planning take time off after my breakup to recharge. Suddently she appears in my world and we have this connection and so many things are so much better than my former relationship, but then I'm starting to see things that were not. And it's really getting to me.
I have learnt that I have some issues that I have to figure out.
What is your experience? What is "normal"?
thanks for reading, and thanks for your honest response
  
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Dude. Last time you were together was on Saturday? You don't have to be with her ALL the time... Frankly I only see my girlfriend once a week sometimes only once every two weeks. Because we live 2 hours apart and I have to study. It sucks. We do text each other every day tho. Anyway, you have to chill. If she really feels the same it'll turn out alright.
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I know I might be a bit needy
Very much so. Relax, find other ways to enjoy your time.
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You sound like your being a little needy bitch. Your girlfriend is focusing on school and because she doesn't spend every waking moment with you she "Doesn't have the time" you want to delete her from FB and never talk to her again? Of course she doesn't have the time. Neither should you. Just because your in a relationship doesn't mean you have to stop doing other things. What were you doing before your relationship to kill time? Then keep doing those things.
Bugging the shit out of her daily to give you more attention makes you come off as desperate and pathetic. Get some hobbies and do somethings on your own, and if you both truly "love each other" then it will work out.
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Being that needy is a perfect way to push her away.
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On October 18 2013 00:09 chadissilent wrote:
Being that needy is a perfect way to push her away.
Yup.
If you want to spend time with her, pencil each other in. It seems like you are harassing you and her over this  .
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On October 17 2013 22:26 ThePhan2m wrote:
Sometimes I want to break up, delete her from facebook and never talk to her again because I feel there is no response, and it drives me crazy not be with her, but then when I'm with her, everything is like heaven. Freakin hate this, sometimes I wish I never met her.
This part caught my eye the most. As men we like to pursue a woman, and we want her to react to it by choosing to respond to us and spend time with us. It shows that they've noticed us and acknowledge it. When a woman doesn't respond to us, it hurts. We'll feel rejected and perhaps humiliated (though we're pros at not showing it), and we'll feel like she doesn't really want us. And the thing is, men want to be wanted by a woman. It's a fact of life between the sexes, just like women want to be loved and accepted for who they are.
Now it doesn't necessarily mean that she doesn't want you. She just may not be good at expressing her need to focus on other things in the moment, like you've acknowledged:
On October 17 2013 22:26 ThePhan2m wrote:
We are both students, lots of things to do and she especially have a busy schedule. In the start, all our responisibilties and sleep suffered because of our time togather. Now after some time, she is trying to focus more on things. She gets more sleep and focuses more on school, and that really leads to nearly no time together.
It just seems like she has different priorities set right now. A woman's mind is multi-tasking, and there are a lot of things that women feel they need to get done in a certain time frame, and it's normal for them to stress out over schedules and "to do" lists. If you push her to increase the frequency of seeing you each week, that may just drive her a little more crazy. The reality is that she can't spend all her time with you. In other words, just let off and let her be. If this is the girl for you, and if she's truly as interested as she told you, and if she's mature enough, she'll find time to be with you.
You are experiencing a newer "relationship" which has a lot of good feelings and expectations attached to it, so it's normal to feel a little anxious (needy isn't a good word, though it can stem from being too anxious). Just give her space and let her take care of her priorities. Say hi and be friendly and nice to her. Offer lunch or dinner on a weekend and hang out for a bit. You don't want to be the guy who expresses that dreadful question: "so... where are we?"
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It's a typical school love, absolutely meaningless. I have a LDR with my girlfriend, been doing for half a year and it will go on for another year.Then there's military couples that "enjoy" deployment and so on. Basically your problems are nonexistent.
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Lalalaland34491 Posts
About 5-6 years ago there was a girl I was really close with and I was pretty much as needy as you are being right now. Whenever I look back and think about what I could change, that is certainly #1 on my list.
When you first get to know someone you become very excited about things and want to be around her all the time every day. You need to recognise that not everyone has this initial burst of excitement. You need to give her space.
A relationship does not need both participants to be constantly in contact with each other. Each of you need your own time and space to do your own things. As a complete arbitrary example, extended texting sessions every 2-3 days, phone calls every 3-5 days, and seeing each other every 5-7 days, would give you plenty of time with each other yet also allow you to have interesting conversations. If you spoke with/saw each other every day, what would you talk about?
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I'm ok the same situation with a girl. I see her once every 2 weeks there abouts and we talk at least every second day. It's fine.
I'm 21, and a relationship is not the most important thing in my life right now. I have uni and work and a band, and I'm trying to get into medicine. She comes after that, and if she's mature enough and interesting enough for us both to be happy then it's working just fine.
Chill the fuck out man, she's likely to be more attracted to you if you look like you have something going on in your life and aren't a boring leech
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i rly wanted to comment then i read wat u wrote again and abstain from posting (apart from that im not going to post yolo)
basically everything not mean has been said already
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It's very difficult to "be sure" that a girl loves you. Especially considering how you've acted, keep in mind the possibility that you have already pushed her away.
In case that's not it, and she still feels for you.
You sound overly needy. You should stop being overly needy. Like others mentioned, get a hobby, learn to enjoy your time on your own (or with company other than her). An immersive RPG is a great way to distract yourself from anything. Managing to enjoy yourself on your own will be beneficial to you relationship in more ways than 1.
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On October 18 2013 01:07 Firebolt145 wrote:
About 5-6 years ago there was a girl I was really close with and I was pretty much as needy as you are being right now. Whenever I look back and think about what I could change, that is certainly #1 on my list.
When you first get to know someone you become very excited about things and want to be around her all the time every day. You need to recognise that not everyone has this initial burst of excitement. You need to give her space.
A relationship does not need both participants to be constantly in contact with each other. Each of you need your own time and space to do your own things. As a complete arbitrary example, extended texting sessions every 2-3 days, phone calls every 3-5 days, and seeing each other every 5-7 days, would give you plenty of time with each other yet also allow you to have interesting conversations. If you spoke with/saw each other every day, what would you talk about?
There's probably a distinction in there between being needy and being passionate. Similarly there's a distinction between wanting attention from and wanting to give attention to. Food for thought.
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Just relax  If you're as clingy and needy as you say you are, then it'll only push her away. I barely see my girlfriend twice a month (if that) because we're in different (albeit adjacent) states... but we make it work. Just respect the times when she has to be away from you, and it'll make your time together even more important
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Just try to come up with times that you'll both be able to get together and that way you don't have to bother her all the time. If you're approach is: "Do you have time at lunch? What about after school? After Dinner? Tonight?" That would be irritating and you'll push her away. Have you just tried asking her when she think she'll have some time, like maybe she has some assignments but they'll be done on Thursday and you can hang out Thursday night or Friday.
Also, not to be a buzzkill, but you've known this girl like... one month or two months? You don't know if you love each other yet, love is a lot more than, 'Holy shit talking to you on the phone is pretty cool!' so take it easy with that.
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You are unbelievably needy. Step back, take a chill pill and realize that your girlfriend cannot and should not have to spend every second of every day interacting with you, especially when she's in school or doing something important.
When it comes to relationships, there is no better way to push someone away than to pull them close and cling to them as hard as you can.
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I can't really associate with how you feel because I'm not a 12 year old girl. Zingggggg
Having said that please for your own sake pull your shit together. Have other shit to do. Don't be that guy that only lives for his girlfriend. It's really sad. She seems like the kind of woman that enjoys her independence and consiously or subconsiously choses not to be clingy from the start. This could be because she just like that, or because she utterly uncontrollably in love with you (yet), which seems completely reasonable to me.
Your point of wanting to spend time with her is also valid btw. If she really doesn't have time for you and has no intention of trying to change that and you just need a bit more attention than that, than I'd say it's a valid reason to dump her. Up to you but at least be a man about it.
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so i know this feeling.honestly the only that helped me is to meet more girls and less think .i just think not need ask ur self why not answer.why not date.at the end girls are a bit strange.next time when u meet her everything will be like nothing happen so..just meet more girls and think less about it.or use ur time to play broodwar ))
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Just make sure you are there for her. You don't need to overwhelm her with feelings of love and stuff.
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Symptoms:
Neediness, emotional instabilty, overthinking, on-line whining.
Most likely diagnose:
"Too-much-in-love" syndrome.
Treatment:
Wait 2-3 months till the hormone levels balance back to normal.
Possible complications:
Paranoia, anxiety disorder, absurd proposals, turning into this.
Epidemiology:
Not contagious, but extremely common. Manifests with annoyance of people who contact infected individual.
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On October 18 2013 06:14 wingpawn wrote:Symptoms:Neediness, emotional instabilty, overthinking, on-line whining. Most likely diagnose:"Too-much-in-love" syndrome. Treatment:Wait 2-3 months till the hormone levels balance back to normal. Possible complications:Paranoia, anxiety disorder, absurd proposals, turning into this. Epidemiology:Not contagious, but extremely common. Manifests with annoyance of people who contact infected individual.
OP read the post I'm quoting every day, multiple times a day if you have to. Women don't like neediness, and her not answering calls/texts is very much deliberate to see if you're the kind of guy who can remain calm and collected or you're the kind of guy that turns into a turbo neediness train.
One is a good way to keep the relationship going a long time, the other is a good way to never see her again.
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She just doesn't love you. Say you want a break and don't talk to her for a couple of months to see if her feelings change.
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I'll be blunt here. But just bang her and the situation will reverse. It is all about hormone levels, and more so at your age.
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So how often do you guys generally spend with your girlfriends? I know it varies but I was of the opinion a lot spent every day, and a few saw them once or twice a month.
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On October 18 2013 07:10 obesechicken13 wrote:
So how often do you guys generally spend with your girlfriends? I know it varies but I was of the opinion a lot spent every day, and a few saw them once or twice a month.
My girlfriend's work schedule is different from mine. She works during the daytime, and by the time she gets off, I might have, at most, an hour before I go into work for the whole evening. When I get off work (around 10pm), she's usually in bed or is only up for another hour. We've compromised to using our weekends for each other, and having at least one day in the middle of the week to hang out in the evening. She calls that day "miss-you-wednesday" because it's in the middle of the week lol
Sooo, at least 3 days a week I see my girlfriend, and we're okay with that.
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OP, please read this http://markmanson.net/everything-you-need and digest it. Like everyone else has said, you are way too fucking needy - this needs to change. However, that said, every person has varying degrees of emotional needs. If you want to spend say twice a week with her, and she still can't fit you into her schedule then you need to address the issue to her in a mature and honest way. If she still can't make a compromise then it's time to move on. In your case though, it's pretty clear you're too attached and not independent enough.
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You're not in love but you're needy as hell
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On October 18 2013 06:56 Shauni wrote:
She just doesn't love you. Say you want a break and don't talk to her for a couple of months to see if her feelings change.
OP, don't listen to this guy. If you want to know why, just ask some of the guys who know him from the TL IRC, or just click on the blog button on his posts and read the girl blog one, as well as his posts in that blog. He has no real experience with girls, has consistently offered bad advice and probably has some very real mental issues pertaining to women. Either that or he's an extremely persistent troll.
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United States7639 Posts
On October 18 2013 07:18 IronManSC wrote:Show nested quote +On October 18 2013 07:10 obesechicken13 wrote:
So how often do you guys generally spend with your girlfriends? I know it varies but I was of the opinion a lot spent every day, and a few saw them once or twice a month. My girlfriend's work schedule is different from mine. She works during the daytime, and by the time she gets off, I might have, at most, an hour before I go into work for the whole evening. When I get off work (around 10pm), she's usually in bed or is only up for another hour. We've compromised to using our weekends for each other, and having at least one day in the middle of the week to hang out in the evening. She calls that day "miss-you-wednesday" because it's in the middle of the week lol Sooo, at least 3 days a week I see my girlfriend, and we're okay with that.
this is so sweet ;~;
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51484 Posts
Yeah, relax please!
Come on dude, everyone needs there space. Do you have any hobbies (im guessing maybe SC2). Play something, just text or ring her daily instead. Being needy becomes a problem as people get annoyed, especially the female race, damn son! They are a confusing species, plus school, has ALOT of half term and time off, just wait until weekends or half terms, if she doesn't want to meet you then, you need to ask questions.
Just chillz
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On October 18 2013 10:52 hp.Shell wrote:
Have you had sex yet?
I meet this girl at a christian canoe weekend trip,
I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun: not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else- C.S. Lewis
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On October 18 2013 12:57 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:Show nested quote +On October 18 2013 06:56 Shauni wrote:
She just doesn't love you. Say you want a break and don't talk to her for a couple of months to see if her feelings change. OP, don't listen to this guy. If you want to know why, just ask some of the guys who know him from the TL IRC, or just click on the blog button on his posts and read the girl blog one, as well as his posts in that blog. He has no real experience with girls, has consistently offered bad advice and probably has some very real mental issues pertaining to women. Either that or he's an extremely persistent troll.
Yeah can you not give advice shauni that would be great
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Thanks for advice, but I guess it was already to late...
We broke up already. She lost feelings for me because of some things. Didn't know it could go like this...
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Lalalaland34491 Posts
You know the stories of people meeting each other, falling in love at first sight, each of them in their first relationship, then going problem-free to the point when they're married two years later? Yeah, that's pretty rare. It would be silly to expect that of anyone.
Your first few relationships always feel like they're going to be the one, and it always surprises you when they turn out not to be.
It's part of life. Be sad for a while, then pick yourself up and move on. ^_^
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firebolt is completely right. Don't worry bout it and next time you meet a girl relax a bit more 
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On October 19 2013 01:10 MateShade wrote:Show nested quote +On October 18 2013 12:57 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On October 18 2013 06:56 Shauni wrote:
She just doesn't love you. Say you want a break and don't talk to her for a couple of months to see if her feelings change. OP, don't listen to this guy. If you want to know why, just ask some of the guys who know him from the TL IRC, or just click on the blog button on his posts and read the girl blog one, as well as his posts in that blog. He has no real experience with girls, has consistently offered bad advice and probably has some very real mental issues pertaining to women. Either that or he's an extremely persistent troll. Yeah can you not give advice shauni that would be great
Who was most correct in advice? Assholes... I know more about girls than you no life neets.
User was warned for this post
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On October 19 2013 17:21 ThePhan2m wrote:
Thanks for advice, but I guess it was already to late...
We broke up already. She lost feelings for me because of some things. Didn't know it could go like this...
Dude I'm sorry to kick you when you're down but you need to get your shit together before trying again. Otherwise it will just end like this every other time as well.
A lot of people here have told you valuable things. Take them to your heart and try working on it.
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On October 18 2013 07:04 Ender985 wrote:
I'll be blunt here. But just bang her and the situation will reverse. It is all about hormone levels, and more so at your age.
He might actually become more needy afterwards tho rofl.
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The having sex early before the awkward neediness stage can really help. Sometimes the other person gets a bit needy as well. Or am I wrong?
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Russian Federation3631 Posts
On October 19 2013 18:32 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On October 19 2013 01:10 MateShade wrote:On October 18 2013 12:57 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On October 18 2013 06:56 Shauni wrote:
She just doesn't love you. Say you want a break and don't talk to her for a couple of months to see if her feelings change. OP, don't listen to this guy. If you want to know why, just ask some of the guys who know him from the TL IRC, or just click on the blog button on his posts and read the girl blog one, as well as his posts in that blog. He has no real experience with girls, has consistently offered bad advice and probably has some very real mental issues pertaining to women. Either that or he's an extremely persistent troll. Yeah can you not give advice shauni that would be great Who was most correct in advice? Assholes... I know more about girls than you no life neets. User was warned for this post
surprised your advice was not "smell her jacket"
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On October 20 2013 11:10 419 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 19 2013 18:32 Shauni wrote:On October 19 2013 01:10 MateShade wrote:On October 18 2013 12:57 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On October 18 2013 06:56 Shauni wrote:
She just doesn't love you. Say you want a break and don't talk to her for a couple of months to see if her feelings change. OP, don't listen to this guy. If you want to know why, just ask some of the guys who know him from the TL IRC, or just click on the blog button on his posts and read the girl blog one, as well as his posts in that blog. He has no real experience with girls, has consistently offered bad advice and probably has some very real mental issues pertaining to women. Either that or he's an extremely persistent troll. Yeah can you not give advice shauni that would be great Who was most correct in advice? Assholes... I know more about girls than you no life neets. User was warned for this post surprised your advice was not "smell her jacket"
bazinga
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Yeah, if a girl really likes you, she'll make time to talk to you.
Otherwise something is up (like it was here)
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EPT
