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The Pitchfork Preserver, September 29th

Blogs > Waxangel
Post a Reply
1 2 3 4 5 Next All
Waxangel
Profile Blog Joined September 2002
United States33360 Posts
Last Edited: 2024-03-29 05:05:41
September 29 2013 23:03 GMT
#1
The Pitchfork Preserver

Twitter At The Speed Of Print

Volume I, Issue 4


NASL Still Pretending NASL Season One Never Happened

With just weeks left until the North American Starleague will host the WCS Season 3 Finals, NASL employees are still pretending that 2011's NASL Season 1 never happened.

"Season 1? I don't know what you're talking about." replied a senior NASL official when asked for comment. "Sorry, I'm pretty sure I was in a coma between April and July of 2011, so I can't really tell you anything about that period." said EG.iNcontrol, the former NASL season 1 caster whose career suffered nearly irreparable damage after the catastrophic tournament, requiring nearly two years to rehabilitate.

Several small moons discovered in orbit around Slivko's bicep


News At A Glance

· eSports industry skeptical of SC2 community's promise to spend their money more wisely

· David Kim demands you apologize for complaining about that race

· Former NASL intern Terry Kim disappointed with racial imbalance at WCS EU

· Unemployed hellbat ponders League of Legends career

Dreamhack explains that NaNiwa's "eat s*** and die" is display of sportsmanship in Swedish culture


The brief outrage after Swedish pro-gamer NaNiwa told his opponent to "eat s*** and die" quickly subsided after the DreamHack organization explained that NaNiwa's statesments would be considered good sportsmanship in Swedish culture.

"While Americans might consider statements like 'eat s*** and die' or 'I hope everyone you love gets cancer' to be poor manners, it has been long established in Sweden that they are signs of respect and sportsmanship." explained DreamHack historian Börk Börksson. "This isn't the first time NaNiwa has been treated unfairly because of cultural differences. For instance, he was harshly criticized for refusing Polt's handshake at MLG when he had done nothing wrong by Swedish standards."

"Similarly, he was unfairly punished by GomTV in 2011 for probe-rushing Nestea, even though it was clearly a traditional Scandinavian gift-giving custom with origins in the late bronze age."


ESL Announces IEM Doha

At a press conference from the ESL headquarters, IEM Director Michal "Carmac" Blicharz announced that the 2014 IEM World Championship would be held in Doha, Qatar.

"I couldn't be more happy to bring IEM to the middle-east. Though we received impressive bids from established esports cities such as Katowice, Seoul, Anaheim, and Stockholm, the delegation from Doha made it very clear to me that the future of esports was in Qatar." said Blicharz, stopping to light a Cuban cigar with a burning one-hundred dollar bill. Blicharz went on to explain how innovative, new cooling technologies would prevent computers from overheating.

The director then stopped to check his solid gold, diamond encrusted wristwatch. "Well, look at the time! I have to be going, esports calls." concluded the director, before departing via private helicopter.




Pitchfork Preserver brought to you by a mysterious cabal.
+


****
AdministratorHey HP can you redo everything youve ever done because i have a small complaint?
Skamtet
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada634 Posts
September 29 2013 23:05 GMT
#2
Suzyop!
Noocta
Profile Joined June 2010
France12578 Posts
September 29 2013 23:11 GMT
#3
Haha, that made me smile quite a bit.
Good job.
" I'm not gonna fight you. I'm gonna kick your ass ! "
Stijn
Profile Joined October 2010
Netherlands363 Posts
September 29 2013 23:14 GMT
#4
Good links on the photos.
http://www.fuzic.nl - Up-to-date viewer numbers for Starcraft 2 live streams
DusTerr
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
2520 Posts
September 29 2013 23:15 GMT
#5
Short but effective :D
Kasaraki
Profile Blog Joined May 2012
Denmark7115 Posts
September 29 2013 23:16 GMT
#6
On September 30 2013 08:14 Stijn wrote:
Good links on the photos.

Woow, did not expect that. O-o
MVTaylor
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United Kingdom2893 Posts
September 29 2013 23:20 GMT
#7
Fantastic as ever
@followMVT
capiston
Profile Joined February 2011
France372 Posts
September 29 2013 23:27 GMT
#8
AHAHAHAH
TaeJa | Maru | DRG | MKP
Boucot
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
France15997 Posts
September 29 2013 23:28 GMT
#9
Nice nice as usual !
Former SC2 writer for Millenium - twitter.com/Boucot
StarStruck
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
25339 Posts
September 29 2013 23:28 GMT
#10
I'll give you a coma ,_,
itsjustatank
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Hong Kong9153 Posts
September 29 2013 23:32 GMT
#11
i have been preserved
Photographer"nosotros estamos backamos" - setsuko
catplanetcatplanet
Profile Blog Joined March 2012
3829 Posts
September 29 2013 23:42 GMT
#12
Lel

I lived in Doha for a year ama
I think it's finally time to admit it might not be the year of Pet
Shellshock
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
United States97276 Posts
September 29 2013 23:52 GMT
#13
been long enough since we've had one of these. funny as always
Moderatorhttp://i.imgur.com/U4xwqmD.png
TL+ Member
Yonnua
Profile Blog Joined October 2011
United Kingdom2331 Posts
September 29 2013 23:55 GMT
#14
hahahaha that Terry the intern joke was great!
LRSL 2014 Finalist! PartinG | Mvp | Bomber | Creator | NaNiwa | herO
Deckard.666
Profile Joined September 2012
152 Posts
September 30 2013 00:33 GMT
#15
Former NASL intern Terry Kim disappointed with racial imbalance at WCS EU


Pure gold.
Zeppelin535
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada262 Posts
September 30 2013 00:44 GMT
#16
Always love these. The Terry joke was gold.
Bones (P) | @BonesSC2 | twitch.tv/Bones535
Aunvilgod
Profile Joined December 2011
2653 Posts
September 30 2013 00:47 GMT
#17
Why so short?
ilovegroov | Blizzards mapmaker(s?) suck ass | #1 Protoss hater
wei2coolman
Profile Joined November 2010
United States60033 Posts
September 30 2013 00:48 GMT
#18
Man. I attended NASL season one playoff/final and it was fucking amazing.
liftlift > tsm
Archas
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
United States6531 Posts
September 30 2013 00:53 GMT
#19
Eat s*** and die, Wax! ^_^
The room is ripe with the stench of bitches!
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States44257 Posts
September 30 2013 00:57 GMT
#20
"David Kim demands you apologize for complaining about that race" made me lol

Well done, Wax Eat shit and die ♥
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
1 2 3 4 5 Next All
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