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I hate my attitude toward girls.
I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have.
So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change?
I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away.
I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass.
This is what I want to change.
I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed  I want to overcome that.
I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks.
Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life?
 
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I don't really subscribe to the pickup artist stuff so this may not interest you, but here's what has worked for me. When I strike up a conversation/approach a girl/whatever I don't do it with any expectation of taking things any further than that. I try to start up a friendly conversation and see where things go from there. I act pretty much exactly the same regardless of whether it's a beautiful girl, an average girl, a guy, whatever. Some people just don't have any interest in talking to you for whatever reason, and some of the most unlikely people are more than happy to talk. You never know until you try so just try and talk to people until it becomes more natural and comfortable. It doesn't have to just be girls you see as potential, just talking to anyone at all is a good first step. If you have any "chemistry" with the other person things will naturally continue to the next step (getting a number or something) so there's no need to try and force things or set expectations for yourself before you even talk to the person.
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On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:
Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life?
Stop being so sexy.
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"Hi my name is SoSexy, wanna fuck what's your name?"
That's a good start.
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I was sorta in the same boat, hanging around the same crowd, making the same social motions on schedule and felt a new job/city was the solution! No established social network to cling to anf a fresh start! That's my suggestion!
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ninja-esque girl blog. Advice? Just do it. Whatever fear you feel on making an ass out of yourself, just know that you will
from time to time. At some point you just have to say, "fuck it" and go talk to them. Will you fail? yes, but you can't expect to know the outcome until you actually try.
It's like advice on getting better at Starcraft. You have to first admit to yourself that you suck, and accept that, and then work on improving from there.
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On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life?
Sounds like you fear rejection. Try not giving a shit.
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On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life?
The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal.
But hey, if you really want to talk to random strangers, just talk. Be interested in who they are and completely ignore the fact that you may or may not want to get with them. Having that goal is the #1 recipe for disaster and awkwardness. If you're just interested in her as a person and you casually talk to her without so many expectations, then you'll do fine. Seriously, it's the easiest way for shit to happen. Just yesterday I had no reason to hit on or get this girl's number that I met in the IT department where I work (I already have a girlfriend). But hey, I was simply interested in who she was, stuck around, made casual/mundane conversation, and the next thing you know I'm walking away an hour later with a phone number that I didn't even ask for. I made no moves whatsoever. It's not some giant secret. This isn't trying to pick up chicks for a one night stand kind of thing. Women, just like men, want to date interesting, nice people, so if you're interesting and nice, odds are that you have a shot at getting her out on a date.
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On June 25 2013 21:06 iTzSnypah wrote:
"Hi my name is SoSexy, wanna fuck what's your name?"
That's a good start.
This is it. There is no other advice that is better than this simple line. I am really successful at chatting up girls, and all I ever do as an opening line is "Hi, my name is ..., what's yours?". That along with a nice smile gets you very, very far.
Don't ever use pick-up lines, they're ridiculous, and they won't work. Exceptions may occur, but just walking up and introducing yourself is everything you really need to do.
Now for the (possible) fear of rejection. I'm going to set this straight: You are going to be rejected. That is normal. But you need to have a mindset that says it doesn't have anything to do with you. There are bajillions of reasons why a girl wouldn't want to talk to you right now. Overcoming fear of rejection = passing the most significant hurdle in your way to meet new girls.
Accept rejection, but don't think it's your fault. Talk to another girl, and. She rejects you too? Try again with another girl. At some point you'll be able to spot rather quickly if she's interested or not from the way the conversation goes.
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On June 25 2013 22:05 Stratos_speAr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life? The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal. [...]
Please ignore that highlighted part. That is terribly wrong. How are you going to meet new people if you don't talk to new people?
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On June 25 2013 22:14 IBringUFire wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2013 22:05 Stratos_speAr wrote:On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life? The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal. [...] Please ignore that highlighted part. That is terribly wrong. How are you going to meet new people if you don't talk to new people?
You can meet new people all the time without walking up to them and talking to them in a situation where you obviously have absolutely zero connection and zero reason to strike up a conversation in the first place.
I mean hey, I've actually met friends by doing that/them doing that to me, but don't expect it to be totally fine/normal and not awkward or anything, because it kind of is. You're just sitting down next to/walking up to someone that you don't no and have absolutely no connection to and trying to strike up a conversation, usually with the obviously broadcasted intent of picking them up. Do you somehow expect that not to be at least a little awkward?
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On June 25 2013 22:28 Stratos_speAr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2013 22:14 IBringUFire wrote:On June 25 2013 22:05 Stratos_speAr wrote:On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life? The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal. [...] Please ignore that highlighted part. That is terribly wrong. How are you going to meet new people if you don't talk to new people? You can meet new people all the time without walking up to them and talking to them in a situation where you obviously have absolutely zero connection and zero reason to strike up a conversation in the first place. I mean hey, I've actually met friends by doing that/them doing that to me, but don't expect it to be totally fine/normal and not awkward or anything, because it kind of is. You're just sitting down next to/walking up to someone that you don't no and have absolutely no connection to and trying to strike up a conversation, usually with the obviously broadcasted intent of picking them up. Do you somehow expect that not to be at least a little awkward?
Yeah, I expect that to be not awkward. It's awkward if you think it is. If you just do it as if it's the most normal thing in the world, it won't be awkward for either you or your counter part. That's in my experience at least.
Although, it takes practice (and courage) to just do it. If you're nervous or shy and convey that, of course it will be awkward. It doesn't need to be though. It's all about body language, mimics, what you say. Try it without having any intentions of it actually working...just walk up to somebody and start a friendly conversation. You might be surprised how it's not awkward at all if you don't think it is :-)
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On June 25 2013 22:28 Stratos_speAr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2013 22:14 IBringUFire wrote:On June 25 2013 22:05 Stratos_speAr wrote:On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life? The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal. [...] Please ignore that highlighted part. That is terribly wrong. How are you going to meet new people if you don't talk to new people? You can meet new people all the time without walking up to them and talking to them in a situation where you obviously have absolutely zero connection and zero reason to strike up a conversation in the first place. I mean hey, I've actually met friends by doing that/them doing that to me, but don't expect it to be totally fine/normal and not awkward or anything, because it kind of is. You're just sitting down next to/walking up to someone that you don't no and have absolutely no connection to and trying to strike up a conversation, usually with the obviously broadcasted intent of picking them up. Do you somehow expect that not to be at least a little awkward?
People do that shit all the time, it's only awkward if it was clearly uninvited/the other person was clearly buisy, or if after opening a convo and the person gives signs they don't want to continue, you push on.
Go follow your parents around their chores for a day and watch how many random convos they will get into, now insert yourself into that position, except instead of middle-age people you insert people of your own generation.
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Fly economy class, and pray to the magic ticket fairy
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christ dont start pua or any bullshit like that. focus on fixing why you seek out insecure and immature young virgins. On fixing the fact that you judged your exes for having slept around outside or relationships or sleeping with too many people, but hold yourself to an entirely different standard.. you might find that when you exhibit less douchy traits. talking and relating to women becomes a lot easier.
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On June 25 2013 22:52 IBringUFire wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2013 22:28 Stratos_speAr wrote:On June 25 2013 22:14 IBringUFire wrote:On June 25 2013 22:05 Stratos_speAr wrote:On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life? The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal. [...] Please ignore that highlighted part. That is terribly wrong. How are you going to meet new people if you don't talk to new people? You can meet new people all the time without walking up to them and talking to them in a situation where you obviously have absolutely zero connection and zero reason to strike up a conversation in the first place. I mean hey, I've actually met friends by doing that/them doing that to me, but don't expect it to be totally fine/normal and not awkward or anything, because it kind of is. You're just sitting down next to/walking up to someone that you don't no and have absolutely no connection to and trying to strike up a conversation, usually with the obviously broadcasted intent of picking them up. Do you somehow expect that not to be at least a little awkward? Yeah, I expect that to be not awkward. It's awkward if you think it is. If you just do it as if it's the most normal thing in the world, it won't be awkward for either you or your counter part. That's in my experience at least. Although, it takes practice (and courage) to just do it. If you're nervous or shy and convey that, of course it will be awkward. It doesn't need to be though. It's all about body language, mimics, what you say. Try it without having any intentions of it actually working...just walk up to somebody and start a friendly conversation. You might be surprised how it's not awkward at all if you don't think it is :-)
Confidence will take you a long way, but you still have to take into account the other person that you're talking to. Your personal attitudes don't shape the reaction, both of your attitudes do. If she feels like it's awkward that some complete stranger talks to her, there's only so much charm that is going to fix that. The fact is that there's an innate level of awkwardness in that kind of interaction, and it's ridiculous to think that this route is the primary route by which you should be meeting new people. If you can't meet plenty of new people through actually being in situations that merit random conversations (class/work/activities, anything that isn't just walking up to a complete stranger on a subway or something like that), then you need to diversify your activities.
People do that shit all the time, it's only awkward if it was clearly uninvited/the other person was clearly buisy, or if after opening a convo and the person gives signs they don't want to continue, you push on.
Go follow your parents around their chores for a day and watch how many random convos they will get into, now insert yourself into that position, except instead of middle-age people you insert people of your own generation.
Your comment makes no sense.
1) Most parents/middle aged people work all day. They don't just do "chores" for a day.
2) My parents (as are most middle aged people, especially when they're married/have kids) are fucking lazy. They work and then just like to chill at home. I, on the other hand, am significantly younger, have a much more diverse daily routine, and have a lot more energy to go out to meet people. I don't really see your point at all?
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Stratos_spear, remember that my wish would not exclusively be 'talk to people so that they can become my best friends/future wife/etc'. I meet plenty of new people with my activities: I just want to talk to strangers to overcome and destroy this habit that I feel is terribly restraining to my life.
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On June 25 2013 23:47 Stratos_speAr wrote:
Confidence will take you a long way, but you still have to take into account the other person that you're talking to. Your personal attitudes don't shape the reaction, both of your attitudes do.
There, you see? You are right with that second half-sentence, but in my opinion (note: opinion) not with your first. Your own attitude will influence the other person's attitude. Again, I have no argument or proof except telling you it works for me. So you may dismiss it because it's not scientifical, but: try it. It doesn't have to be awkward.
If she feels like it's awkward that some complete stranger talks to her, there's only so much charm that is going to fix that.
Yup, that is true. That is why in my first post I stated right away that you will be rejected, and you probably will be rejected often. However, that's a part of life. And because the OP asked for advice on how to meet/talk to random people, I explained how he can do that. I'm sure we agree that there is no 100% guaranteed success with any method of meeting new people. Charm and being a practiced talker will actually get you very far (again: in my opinion, no proof).
The fact is that there's an innate level of awkwardness in that kind of interaction, and it's ridiculous to think that this route is the primary route by which you should be meeting new people. If you can't meet plenty of new people through actually being in situations that merit random conversations (class/work/activities, anything that isn't just walking up to a complete stranger on a subway or something like that), then you need to diversify your activities.
I don't see how talking to new people at work is much different than talking to people on a subway. See, I think we need to differentiate between colleagues and random people at work. I work at a company of about 800 employees...so of course there's lots of people I don't know.
I can walk up to any of them and say something like "Hi, I'm ..., you work here, too, right? What's your name?"
And I can do the same on the subway. "Hi, I'm ..., seems like we're going the same way, what's your name?"
Basically the same line minimally adjusted.
All of this of course doesn't mean it's generally easier in situations like you probably meant: common activities, classes, work, common friends etc. greatly catalyze conversations. You are absolutely right here.
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I believe this is an issue of finding out why you have trouble talking to another person when you clearly want to. This sounds like a self-control issue. Once you figure out why, do something to change it.
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Dude, I thought your changing from a womanizer to a one woman man/loyal gentleman?
Anyway your thread title is TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE!. You should change it to, im too shy to approach girl strangers or something.
And for advise? Just HAVE SOME BALLS. Just think about it. If you dont try, the possibilities are NOTHING will happen, BUT if u TRY, there is some chance. So with that, what do you think? which one is more better? But if u say, if I try, maybe she wont talk to me or I will just embarass my self.. the thing is, thats one of the possibilities, but what if she likes you too? so 50 / 50 chance = better than nothing. So have some balls. Just try to be smooth and dont be creepy. You will know what will work out for you, just do trial and error. Try and try until you get a cool pick up.
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Italy2428 Posts
Want to be good at pickup in Italy? Good luck, you are in the worst place in the world for that. Women here are very hostile to pickup anywhere and you get 95% of relationships and fuckfriends off closed tight social circles. It's not a coincidence that you never learned how to do it.
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On June 26 2013 00:51 aTnClouD wrote:
Want to be good at pickup in Italy? Good luck, you are in the worst place in the world for that. Women here are very hostile to pickup anywhere and you get 95% of relationships and fuckfriends off closed tight social circles. It's not a coincidence that you never learned how to do it.
Words of wisdom :')
But as I said, it's not just about talking TO get something, like sex. I would be content even in talking for the SAKE of it, because in that way I would overcome this shyness (not sure if it's the right word, in this case) obstacle!
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On June 26 2013 00:51 aTnClouD wrote:
Want to be good at pickup in Italy? Good luck, you are in the worst place in the world for that. Women here are very hostile to pickup anywhere and you get 95% of relationships and fuckfriends off closed tight social circles. It's not a coincidence that you never learned how to do it.
Interesting, I have heard from some of my friends whom went to Italy that this is indeed true. Women are uptight and hard to approach. Well, not every single one can be like that, right 
SoSexy, most people are saying: just do it! And I would agree, but don't just approach someone to talk for the sake of talking. First have something to say. I know that sounds basic but I find it necessary to start with something interesting or relevant. It gives you that significant first opening, from where small talk can develop further. That's how I do it at least, I never tried the "Hey my name is X, what's yours?", although if you're chatty that might work too (I am not). Just don't overthink it too much
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Stay away from the PUA stuff, it's mostly horrible garbage and some of it is even worse than that.
In my experience, social interaction is a skill like any other - it's something you get better at with practice! The best way to get comfortable talking to people is to talk to people  Now, that doesn't mean you should just try to chat up random strangers on the street or on the bus, because most people (particularly women) will be anxious and not comfortable with that kind of interaction. The best way is to find social groups or activities that you find interesting, and meet all the others who share your interest (eg: running/biking club, chess club, painting/dancing/student groups whatever). You will become much more comfortable interacting with women when you can do it in an environment where interaction is expected!
Alot of young men never interact with women as people, and end up becoming fixated on the sexual aspect of their interactions. This is a mistake, I think. It makes everything really frustrating and frankly pisses off most women a ton. If you treat women as people (not just as objects of your sexual interest), make lots of different friends, become involved in social groups etc, you will naturally meet women who are interested in you (because you are probably an interesting person) and your social anxiety will go away! Just to echo other posters and reiterate myself though - if you try to "talk up" women because you want to fuck them, you're going to have a bad time. Most people can see straight through it, and it won't bring you any closer to being comfortable around women (and having them be comfortable around you, too).
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On June 26 2013 00:01 SoSexy wrote:
Stratos_spear, remember that my wish would not exclusively be 'talk to people so that they can become my best friends/future wife/etc'. I meet plenty of new people with my activities: I just want to talk to strangers to overcome and destroy this habit that I feel is terribly restraining to my life.
Then my advice is simply in my first post; be interested in them. This is honestly the biggest problem that I see men consistently having when talking to women in general. The air of "This is awkward because you might be hitting on me" is often there because men focus way too much on, "I'm socially interacting with a woman and I have to act this way and that way!". Just be genuinely interested in who they are as a person and you'll get pretty far. Have that interest, and you can turn any number of completely inconsequential talking points into great conversations and a basis for solid social interaction.
Don't think about them as a woman, just think of them as a person that has a ton of interesting life experiences and stories to tell. The woman part can come later if you realize you're into her.
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It's not creepy to approach a stranger and start a conversation. It's just out of the ordinary. Stay comfortable with it and it shouldn't feel awkward.
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On June 25 2013 22:28 Stratos_speAr wrote:Show nested quote +On June 25 2013 22:14 IBringUFire wrote:On June 25 2013 22:05 Stratos_speAr wrote:On June 25 2013 20:21 SoSexy wrote:I hate my attitude toward girls. I've never been a womanizer, but I had my fair amount of relationships/stories. The problem is that I always met this girls by 'second hand': they were friends of friends, they were in a common social circle, they were in the same class etc. Basically, they all were in situations where in a way or another, you have to interact, and I'm good at interacting: I'm not bad looking, i'm a quite interesting guy (I study philosophy, play drums and sing in a band, write songs, etc). If I can 'get in' a girl/group of girls comfort zone, I'm positive about the possibilities I have. So, you'll be asking, what do you want to change? I want to change the way I relate to girls I don't know. I'm TERRIBLE at that, just TERRIBLE. And I hate that so much. Today I saw a wonderful girl on the train, and she was sitting alone. I could have sit there and started a conversation, but I just looked shyly and sat three lines away. I'm drinking a coffee and another girl is ordering. I could start a conversation as well, but I just let it pass. This is what I want to change. I'm so tired and frustrated to always be a spectator and not an actor. I know that if I start talking, I may have success, but seduction is not (entirely) the point! I simply want to do it! I want to talk to girls I see on the street, in the clubs, on the train, on the bus, just for the sake of it (and what may eventually come). I seem blocked everytime: my mind immediately puts me on an inferior level to the girls I face. Thoughts like 'come on, don't bother, you'll look stupid, she doesn't care, stop it' immediately arise in my mind and I get paralyzed I want to overcome that. I red a lot of PUA stuff and enjoyed many concepts of it. At some points of my life (i.e. after a break up, where you are more careless) I had some nights where I was incredible, talking to everyone like I would always like to. I felt that was kinda like the starting point of the route I want to walk, but I would always lose it in the following days/weeks. Dear TLers, what are your thoughts on this? Which suggestions would give me to completely change the way I relate to girls I don't know, and by doing so, my life? The thing is that this fantasy where guys just go around randomly talking to girls in literally any situation and end up picking them up is ridiculous. You will almost always just come across as a little creepy because you're literally walking up to someone that you don't know at all and talking to them out of the blue. Yea, it may be possible to do this and having it work out, but I think you're beating yourself up over it way too much. Even if you only stick to the girls that you meet "second hand", you should meet more women than you ever need to find the right gal. [...] Please ignore that highlighted part. That is terribly wrong. How are you going to meet new people if you don't talk to new people? You can meet new people all the time without walking up to them and talking to them in a situation where you obviously have absolutely zero connection and zero reason to strike up a conversation in the first place. I mean hey, I've actually met friends by doing that/them doing that to me, but don't expect it to be totally fine/normal and not awkward or anything, because it kind of is. You're just sitting down next to/walking up to someone that you don't no and have absolutely no connection to and trying to strike up a conversation, usually with the obviously broadcasted intent of picking them up. Do you somehow expect that not to be at least a little awkward?
If it creates awkward situations when you start talking to random stranger it's your problem, not the problem of talking to strangers in general.
@OP:
There is no magic blue pill. Go out, find ways of talking to strangers (even just a random "hi" when walking past someone is getting your further than what you're doing now) and enjoy meeting new people.
Any more specific advice than that should be seen as a trainingwheel, similar to most of the basic stuff you will find in the PUA scene.
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Figure out who you are and what you want. A big part of effectively attracting people to be friends with you is knowing how you appear to them. Are you a male? is your demeanor relaxed or anxious? Is there uncertainty lurking about you? Have you groomed and exercised? are you aware of your human and household odours? do you shave and stretch?
What i'm trying to say is how hard you work on these things will appear. Even if you are not a hollywood movie star, work hard to understand your short comings so that when you do fail you aren't hopeless, you know?
So my point is, it's really alll about understanding where you fit into other people's worlds. Seeing things as objectively as possible instead of distorting it to fit your desires.
Also, maybe it is your unconscious mind holding you back? Maybe you instinctually know that you are not ready to deal with the emotions a relationship will create.
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Start by asking for information. Check if they seem willing to enjoy in conversation, start smalltalking if it's the case. What you talk about is up to you.
If you approach with a random hi and immediately start talking about some random shit or ask them things about them that should rather appear awkward (but awkward situations are emotionally arousing and can be used if you turn it into a funny one).
By asking for information you do the scouting to see how the mood is, you also see if they like your physis.
If you want to pick up, get ready to style yourself, be funny and touch people a lot. You won't pick up shit if you're funny and good looking but don't touch girls, unless they are of the rare aggressive sort that touches you. I've experienced that even mediocre looking guys who seem drunk can go quite far just by confident approach and touching.
What cloud said about Italy isn't 100% true. You can socialize everywhere, but in certain settings it's easier since people GO there to socialize.
Check out pubs, consider tourists. Especially US chicks are proactive. In the train people might want to be left alone, that's why you have to scout the situation.
If you feel embarrassed, you will have to do embarrassing shit.
For example, consider the english language. Italy isn't renowned for its inhabitant's english skills.
Talk to groups of girls faking to be an english dude, when they feel all awkward cause their english is shit, surprisingly switch to italian and make fun of them, if they'll find it funny, you had a good starter and know they aren't lame, else go on. Whatever happens, you'll feel like a confident massive troll, which is good regardless of the outcome.
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pickup artist techniques are good if you want to hookup but you're not ever giving them the opportunity to get to know you. Despite what they want you to think when they teach you that crap, it's not a method to 'let yourself in' with a girl, it's a cheap way to hookup by not being yourself.
If you can't be with someone as yourself you will never truly enjoy the relationship in the long run. My best suggestion if you live in a big city, if you see someone you think is attractive just ask them if you have something in common.
If not, move along. You'll eventually find someone WORTH being yourself around.
tl;dr - Be a man & talk to girls you find attractive. If they don't have similar interests, move along. It'll give you the confidence you need to catch the girls you are interested in who have the same interests as you.
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Fat girls let you do way more than hot ones. DOn't bother hitting on the attractive ones at the gym, you're just suitor #29830. Hit on the fattie with a nice face.
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EPT
