|
yoyo. Not sure if you guys remember me, but I made a thread about a year and a half ago about wanting to become a progamer. It had a very generic title that was something like "My road from Bronze to Masters". I started as a bronze protoss player, then switched to terran when I got to plat, got dropped back down to silver, and made my way up to masters.
A lot of people doubted that I would get far, a lot of people doubted that I would make it past plat league. I knew where my heart was, and I knew what I wanted to do with myself. I dedicated all (or at least a vast majority) of my time into playing, learning, and studying Starcraft with the intentions of becoming a progamer. I've watched many documentaries and heard many stories from/about many current progamers and casters alike and their struggles to getting to where they are today. This thread is basically just to vent out my frustrations about the life of a lower-middle class american working to become a fulltime competitive progamer.
I'm going to start this series of blog post with an explanation as to how i got to this point in my life.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Starcraft II was released a few days after my birthday (July 24th) in 2010. I had only got into Starcraft about 2-3 days before the game came out. I forget how I did it, but I was on youtube and somehow stumbled upon a few casts from HD and Husky (HDH invitational) which really got me interested in the game. I wanted to test out the game and did not really want to lay down $60 to just straight up buy something that I've never played before, so I torrented cracked version of the beta. I sat for almost an entire day and played through the campaign, and it was just soooooooooooo fuckin amazing to me. The game was just so... so... cool/fun/odd/new to me that I had to get it. So about 2-3 days after the game came out, I gave my mom $60 cash and she bought it for me digitally on my bnet account.
Note: My previous PC gaming experience included Diablo, Diablo II, and Halo PC... non of which required more than a mouse (except halo but, I was dead set on using my 360 controller), so this whole "hardcore" PC gaming experience in general was new to me.
After I had my fill of playing the campaign over again and playing a little multiplayer, I ended up having to sell my PC (which was my first PC I had ever built) due to us being broke and bills needing to be payed. It was a very disheartening thing to do because that pc was like.. my pride and joy. It wasnt spectacular, but I build it with my own money. I even had to "borrow" ram from a pc in the office room at the apartment complex I lived in (I'll explain this later if asked) because I found out that I bought ECC RAM (4gb of the shit), when I really needed non-ecc ram. When that PC first booted up, it was like the first time I had good sex except I didn't twitch much (don't worry, she didn't know I was twitching because we were in the dark .-.). Selling that PC was like going to school with your new Yu-Gi-Oh cards that you bought, show them off (and where you keep them in your bookbag), going to gym and carelessly leaving your bookbag in the open for those envious fucks to come and steal your shit. Bastards.
Here are the specs of the PC if anyone was wondering. I spent around $450 total:
+ Show Spoiler +Core 2 Duo E6600 (no oc because I was ignorant)
Some MSI motherboard
2GB DDR2 RAM
a 250gb HDD and a 160gb HDD (both IDE)
Radeon HD 2400 (upgraded QUICKLY to a HD 4850)
and 2 300watt PSU's (because 1 isn't enough)
some shitty case off of ebay. never again will i spend $25 on a case. ever.
I continue on with my life, start playing basketball for a "rec" team, and also happen to be in an amazing relationship. Around late November of 2010, me and my girlfriend (ex) breakup. This is where shit starts to fuck up for me and I start doing ignorant shit and end up dropping out of school (not because of anything drug related, just didn't like school anymore). At this time I was 16. Sometime in mid December (before christmas), we move from the apartment complex and into a townhouse (My mom, my sister, and myself) and I manage to make enough money to build another PC. I re-enrolled in school, started playing basketball again, started hanging out with friends, and seemed to be getting over this deep depression that I was going through about my ex, and then reality hits. My mom gets layed off from her job, I end up having to drop out of school (again), and end up in the same position that I was in about a year before. I end up having to sell my PC (again), sell most of my electronics, and save every little bit of money that I could.
This was one of the worse positions we had ever been in financially and with my mom being a single mother and all (fuck you dad. I hope you burn in hell you fuck), we never really had any other support. We don't have much family (only my grandmother and great grandfather) as my mom has no siblings, nor did her mother (my grandmother). We were living off of my moms unemployment (not by choice), barely any food in the house, with homelessness knocking on our doorstep. We struggled for about 6 months surviving on whatever money I could make fixing computers, PS3's, and flashing Xbox 360's with an old desktop that we had. About 3 months into the struggle, my moms car got repo'ed which left us in a TERRIBLE position as far as health was concerned.
What I mean by "a terrible position as far as health was concerned" is that we lived kind of out of the way. We were about 2-3 miles away from the nearest shopping center/grocery store, so what happened was, everytime I made money I had to order pizza from dominos because it was the only place nearby that delivered.
Eventually my mom had ended getting another job ( a week before her unemployment ran out.. the stress), and everything started turning around. Everyone was cheering up in the house (even our dog seemed happier), I managed to build another computer, and I had even started streaming sc2. I started grinding out a lot of ladder games and watching streams (mainly dragon because he was a competitor at this time). This was around the time that I posted my first blog on here (TL) and declared that I wanted to become a progamer. There was one major hater that I was getting on all of my blogs (QuanticHawk) who hated and talked shit to me every chance he could, I had no idea why though. A few months later, I got my first job so I was able to help pay some of the bills in the house, upgrade my PC, and get better internet. I had hit Diamond league around early December of 2011 I believe and was on my way to becoming something. I then proceed to get fired from my job for eating a McFlurry (yes, I worked at mcdonalds. No, I did not read the rules).
Around February of 2012, I had finally gotten Masters. I thought I was on top of the fucking world. I started looking around for teams to join, completely oblivious to the fact that I was STILL straight ass at the game, and then I stumbled upon Team Legion (RIP :/). I joined the community with hopes of becoming a player for the proteam some day soon. Unfortunately, I still sucked and continued to suck up until about June of 2012. This is where I started to make my break and I thought I was going to finally start getting somewhere. Of course though, with all good times comes bad times. Getting fired from my job wasn't really the best idea because my mom was basically stuck paying all the bills. At this point, Flashing/repairing 360's, fixing PS3's, and fixing computers was so common around Raleigh, NC, that if you didn't own a business, you weren't going to get business. So later in June the internet ends up getting turned off (yea, fuck me right?) because i'm a scumbag. In mid July, we end up moving into the place that we're in now.
Once we moved here, I decided to tell my mom what my goals were and what I wanted to do with myself. I told her that I wanted to become a progamer in SC2 and that I will be able to support myself off of it. She was not supportive at all, but I wasn't really expecting her to be because of all of the things that came with me making this decision before I told her about it. In all honesty, I probably wouldn't have been supportive either of my child doing something like that... especially with nothing to fall back on (I will elaborate on this in a little while). From July to about late september, I sat in secrecy and just laddered (only 20-30 games a day at most) and watched Korean Terran players stream so I could learn as much as I possibly could. Around early October, I got a fortune cookie from a chinese resturant and it had a fortune in it that read "Something life changing is going to happen soon" or something similar (still have it around here somewhere, just need to find it ._.).
The fortune was right. About 2 days after I read that, I had managed to get in contact with the manager of FXO NA (at the time was Darigaz aka Darilag who was the manager of LgN before they were absorbed by FXO) who was very cool with me. I had managed to get top 8 masters and he decided he would give me a tryout. Of course, I got shat on. JimRising (LOVE YOU BRO) and another guy that wasn't even part of FXO at the time had both beat me. I was crushed. I thought that everything that I had did was for nothing and that my dream was a joke. I was then messaged on skype by a manager from an unknown German SC2 team (but well know in the FPS scene) about possibly joining with his team. I was happy as fuck. Not only had I made onto a team, but it was a Euro proteam that had goals of expanding to 'Murica and decided to start with me. I told my mom about it, showed her the website, the players, and she finally started to show some support for me. Unfortunately, the team had a fallout (the sc2 division) and disband like 2 weeks after I joined. </3
At this point, I was literally just like:
"Fuck this shit. I'm going to go take my G.E.D test, walk the stage, and join the Navy"
I did everything I could to just get away and stay away from starcraft (and esports in general). I sold my computer, I gave away my sc2 accounts (all 4 of them, including my Korean account), I even sold my spare parts that I had around to possibly even build another PC. I didn't want any part in sc2 anymore.. or at least that's what I thought. About a month passed (going into November of 2012) and I started to miss my friends online that I used to talk too a lot (since at this point, I didn't really have many friends irl anymore). I started playing Diablo II, BW, and LoL on my old desktop that I used to flash 360's and started getting my passion for e-sports back. I eventually came to the conclusion that I was being a little bitch and needed to grow up, but it was a little late for that. I managed to get one of my sc2 accounts back from one of my friends, but did not have a pc to play it on.
About a month had passed of me not playing sc2 and I was starting to wish I hadn't overreacted the way I did. + Show Spoiler +here is another fortune cookie situation. Went to the chinese restaurant and got a cookie (I still have the fortune taped to my monitor) that read: "A financial investment will yield returns beyond your hopes"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Skip a few months, and now we get to where I am now. I am a bum living on my moms couch, waking up everyday at around 2pm studying vods from GSL and Korean terran players until my mom gets home, bitching at me about how I won't amount to anything playing video games (she loves and supports me, but is just frustrated with how everything has been going). I recently stepped my game up a bit and plan on getting GM next season, and I even managed to join a newly formed team (that will be announced here soon). I am also in the process of getting my G.E.D so that I can continue on with my life while still working towards my dream of becoming the first real black progamer (not an entertainer like MB). I stream every now and then on twitch. I'll post my stream link at the bottom of the blog. I think I need to come up with a schedule to follow as far as streaming is concerned so that people can actually follow my progress.
Anyways, thanks for reading. Sorry for writing a life story, but I just wanted to explain who I am and how I got to where I am today. I realize that after reading through some of the struggle parts that I kind of seem like a spoiled bitch. I am far from spoiled, I just tend to leave out the things that I have done because I feel that my mom deserves to take the credit of bringing us out of the situation that we were in and putting us into a better one. One day i'll be able to pay her back for all she has done as I know it's hard enough to be a single mother with 1 child, but when you have your daughter in school and your (basically) grown son sitting at home playing games all day with no extra income, there isn't much that can be done. I feel like there would be so much stress off of my mom had either my dad or my little sisters dad actually stuck around but, shit happens I guess. It's a common problem in black homes anyway where fathers leave because they never actually grew into men, but instead were just big children themselves.
... damn it, I started ranting again. well, for the rest of these blogs that I do, Im just going to make a vlog and post it here to save people the trouble of reading all that shit.
If you want to follow my progress, you can watch me at http://twitch.tv/doverton252 . For now on, i'm going to bump my stream thread whenever i'm live. laters
 
|
|
|
On May 01 2013 15:52 sob3k wrote:
how old are you?
19
|
Good blog. I hope you make it. Sounds like you know a fair bit about fixing gears, why don't you find a job doing that?
|
Damn, I know we argued in that one thread (way back in the Ministry of Win thread, dunno if you remember XD) but I wish you luck on your journey.
Hope to see you reach your goal, would be pretty awesome.
|
quantichawk is in general a really really bitter guy, and I've seen him try to discourage anyone who has progamer aspirations, probably because he failed to make it himself. If there was any advice to be given, you cant stop now. Already given up way too much to come up short.
this motivates me a ton seeing as im not even 17 yet and top 500 master consistently last season, maybe pushing gm this season, with the same goals as you(not black tho, lol). Hit me up if you wanna play or talk strats, im awake gsl nights most of the time too.
|
cool blog... ahh to be young and with dreams again 
I wish you the best of luck in pursuing your dreams! I dont think its too late for anyone below ~20-21 years old, your brain is still developing and you have the energy a young person has
|
very great story. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. you sound like you got a good attitude in everything.
|
checked out the stream. I liked the blog and i hope you have some success at tournaments in the near future!
|
Wow, great blog. First of all let me just say how impressed I am with your writing ability. For a high school drop-out you have great diction and grammar. (I know that sounds like a back-handed compliment but I really don't mean it as such). This means that you're most likely very intelligent and will probably have no problems getting your GED. You should definitely do that and then get a real job (Navy, computers or anything else that's a steady reliable income). I think it's ironic that you realize (and it sounds like you highly resent) the legacy that your father left you and yet you sit idly by and allow the same thing to happen to you. And I don't mean playing SC makes you a child, I mean living on your mom's couch not doing anything with your life makes you a child.
Good luck
|
On May 01 2013 23:24 Golgotha wrote:
very great story. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. you sound like you got a good attitude in everything.
This is basically how I feel, though I would caution you to be too harsh on Hawk. Hawk has been giving you real-talk in a way; yeah he's been a huge dick to you, but sometimes it's that kind of advice that one needs.
|
Thanks everyone, I really do appreciate the love.
On May 02 2013 00:13 FryBender wrote:
Wow, great blog. First of all let me just say how impressed I am with your writing ability. For a high school drop-out you have great diction and grammar. (I know that sounds like a back-handed compliment but I really don't mean it as such). This means that you're most likely very intelligent and will probably have no problems getting your GED. You should definitely do that and then get a real job (Navy, computers or anything else that's a steady reliable income). I think it's ironic that you realize (and it sounds like you highly resent) the legacy that your father left you and yet you sit idly by and allow the same thing to happen to you. And I don't mean playing SC makes you a child, I mean living on your mom's couch not doing anything with your life makes you a child.
Good luck
I agree with you. I was thinking the same thing not too long ago (the comparison between me and my father). The main difference between his situation and mine is that he had his first child when he was 17 (with my mom who was 15 at the time), he then continued to have kids and is now constantly being put in jail for backed up child support payments, and he never really had any real goals in life. I have multiple goals to reach (being pro is more of a short-term goal to be realistic about it) that I will continue to reach for while still playing sc2 as I'm almost finished with my G.E.D program and whatnot.
On May 02 2013 00:33 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On May 01 2013 23:24 Golgotha wrote:
very great story. I wish you the best in all your endeavors. you sound like you got a good attitude in everything. This is basically how I feel, though I would caution you to be too harsh on Hawk. Hawk has been giving you real-talk in a way; yeah he's been a huge dick to you, but sometimes it's that kind of advice that one needs.
Yea, I think he was just telling me the truth about how esports works. I think I was just being a little sensitive bitch at the time though and not giving any real thought to what he said (took a look back at the first blog).
|
It sounds like you are a very motivated person and I think the fact you can read what hawk says and just say fuck it and keep trying anyway is commendable as shit. I'm at a similar level as you right now but don't really have the motivation at the moment to push to pro level but I find your whole situation really inspiring. Blizzard is really fucking NA pro players over right now but if something like the shoutcraft ladder system TB is doing takes off and more people follow suit it's going to get a lot easier to make something of this in terms of a liveable income. Also the whole first black progamer angle actually puts you in a rather good position because when you do make it top of the ladder on GM and whatnot you are very easily marketable for stream views which hopefully gives you a good income. Good luck man I believe you can do this, just remember what your real goals are, do you want to be a pro gamer or do you want to be a good player who just lives off stream revenue. A lot of players stop trying after they realize they can just live off stream money.
|
On May 02 2013 03:25 DanLee wrote:
It sounds like you are a very motivated person and I think the fact you can read what hawk says and just say fuck it and keep trying anyway is commendable as shit. I'm at a similar level as you right now but don't really have the motivation at the moment to push to pro level but I find your whole situation really inspiring. Blizzard is really fucking NA pro players over right now but if something like the shoutcraft ladder system TB is doing takes off and more people follow suit it's going to get a lot easier to make something of this in terms of a liveable income. Also the whole first black progamer angle actually puts you in a rather good position because when you do make it top of the ladder on GM and whatnot you are very easily marketable for stream views which hopefully gives you a good income. Good luck man I believe you can do this, just remember what your real goals are, do you want to be a pro gamer or do you want to be a good player who just lives off stream revenue. A lot of players stop trying after they realize they can just live off stream money.
Thanks man. Honestly, I had to ask my self that question a few times and decide on the personality route, or the good player route. I want to be a good player. If people watch me stream, that's nice, but i'm more interested in the big fish. I feel like people (no offense to anyone at all) sell out and just become personalities because they just can't reach "that" level of play that makes them stand out.
|
I decided to log onto my account after being inactive for months just to respond to your remarkable story.
First, I am amazed by the struggles you have been through. Your writing is thrilling. However, being a pro-gamer is going to be difficult, and if you are still not making any money from it after years of playing, I would advise that you find a more stable and proven way to bring home the dough. The ratio of progamers who play for a living vs. regular gamers is much less than pro football players vs regular ones. Lets not even mention the fact that a sidelined Football player makes more than Life, Flash, or MVP. Or that even being a pro football player is harder than getting into Harvard Medical School.
I hate to say all of this, because I really love this game, but in the end, it's people who matter more.
|
You kinda have to tell us which well known EU fps team it was? Maybe people know i don't have a clue however.
|
On May 06 2013 01:33 WaterTower wrote:
I decided to log onto my account after being inactive for months just to respond to your remarkable story.
First, I am amazed by the struggles you have been through. Your writing is thrilling. However, being a pro-gamer is going to be difficult, and if you are still not making any money from it after years of playing, I would advise that you find a more stable and proven way to bring home the dough. The ratio of progamers who play for a living vs. regular gamers is much less than pro football players vs regular ones. Lets not even mention the fact that a sidelined Football player makes more than Life, Flash, or MVP. Or that even being a pro football player is harder than getting into Harvard Medical School.
I hate to say all of this, because I really love this game, but in the end, it's people who matter more.
Thanks bro. I understand how hard it is, but I would rather make it and be unsuccessful rather than quit knowing that I had a chance.
On May 06 2013 04:23 unkkz wrote:
You kinda have to tell us which well known EU fps team it was? Maybe people know i don't have a clue however.
dotpiXels was the name of the team. I thought I put it in the op but I guess not. Sorry about that.
|
So right now you are an unemployed Masters-level player who has played SC2 on and off since release, living with your mother playing video games and desperately trying to break into the professional scene where only a tiny percentage of people make a living, and hoping you'll do well enough to make enough money to live off, let alone help support your family and single working mother?
I can understand people who are more financially stable effectively pinning their hopes on pro gaming as a career choice as a young kid if they show talent and promise, but that's a bold and (my opinion) irresponsible act. I am glad to see you are getting a GED, though. It's something at least.
I hate to be the asshole in the thread, but maybe you should focus on career development and income and play SC2 on the side. If you get somewhere playing part time (sponsored team, high GM, something beyond a minor ladder ranking), maybe then go for progaming as a career. You can easily have a job and play SC2 for several hours a day, and that way you are contributing to your family's security.
It's not that your goals are wrong, they are just...switched. Get a job, get a GED, get more education, and play SC2 in the time left over and see if you get somewhere with that. Hawk and others have said this or similar things in other blogs, but breaking into the pro scene to the point where you make decent money off it is incredibly difficult.
I don't agree with everyone saying this is a remarkable story. It's an irresponsible story. If you make it, it'll be a great tale of perseverance and dedication to one's passion. If you fail, which is realistically far far far more likely, you'll be just another kid who wasted his time playing video games on his mom's couch instead of working for a living. Best of luck man, and I hope you make it. But think about your choices
|
DId the manager catch you eating a McFlurry or something?
|
On May 08 2013 06:17 Elegy wrote:
So right now you are an unemployed Masters-level player who has played SC2 on and off since release, living with your mother playing video games and desperately trying to break into the professional scene where only a tiny percentage of people make a living, and hoping you'll do well enough to make enough money to live off, let alone help support your family and single working mother?
I can understand people who are more financially stable effectively pinning their hopes on pro gaming as a career choice as a young kid if they show talent and promise, but that's a bold and (my opinion) irresponsible act. I am glad to see you are getting a GED, though. It's something at least.
I hate to be the asshole in the thread, but maybe you should focus on career development and income and play SC2 on the side. If you get somewhere playing part time (sponsored team, high GM, something beyond a minor ladder ranking), maybe then go for progaming as a career. You can easily have a job and play SC2 for several hours a day, and that way you are contributing to your family's security.
It's not that your goals are wrong, they are just...switched. Get a job, get a GED, get more education, and play SC2 in the time left over and see if you get somewhere with that. Hawk and others have said this or similar things in other blogs, but breaking into the pro scene to the point where you make decent money off it is incredibly difficult.
I don't agree with everyone saying this is a remarkable story. It's an irresponsible story. If you make it, it'll be a great tale of perseverance and dedication to one's passion. If you fail, which is realistically far far far more likely, you'll be just another kid who wasted his time playing video games on his mom's couch instead of working for a living. Best of luck man, and I hope you make it. But think about your choices
It's not like I've been sitting around doing nothing when I'm not playing sc2 or doing work for my GED. I've been putting in applications constantly, but no one wants an uneducated high school drop out nowadays. I can't even get a job at McDonalds again. It irritates me when people assume that I put no effort into trying to make a living for myself as if I'm fine with living on my moms couch. It might sound like fun playing sc2 all the time, doing schoolwork at random times, and putting in job applications every now and then, but it's not fun at all. Having to wake up and wonder if you're going to eat, hoping that someone doesn't attempt to contact you for a job while your mom is at work (seeing that I can only use her phone as a way for people to call me), having no friends because you have no way to get in contact with them aside from the internet... it's not anything to laugh about or shrug off. I don't like living like this at all. I am not proud of it and I don't think anyone should go through it.
My goals are not switched, I am just trying to do something to keep myself off the streets. You see it as irresponsible, but I only dropped out of school in the first place because I was working at a computer shop downtown and was making decent money. Hell, I would've been making enough money to even live on my own (and I was only 16 at the time). It's not that easy now though. The people that owned the shop moved to another part of NC and kinda left me high and dry which is why I re-enrolled back into school. I ended up dropping out for the second and last time simply because I was just so far behind that it would make no sense to try to go through high school as I would've been 20 going on 21 before I graduated, so I decided to just go on and start prepping to go through the GED program.
Either way, there is reasoning (although it may be misunderstood) behind my actions. About 50% of the motivation comes from me wanting to prove people wrong. I'm not just another "Masters scrub" that talks about how he wants to be good at the game, I actually put time and effort into doing what I can to become what I want to be. I know a ton of players, that I play with quite frequently, who have no chance of becoming progamers simply because they don't have the right mindset. They play 20-30 games a day and all that good shit, but they think they're so much better than everyone else that it has their mind distorted (and these are high masters and gm players im talking about). I only play about 10-15 games a day myself, but that's because I spend SOOOO much time watching vods and replays while also doing schoolwork.
On May 08 2013 07:01 HelloSon wrote:
DId the manager catch you eating a McFlurry or something?
LOL. you want to be 100% honest? That is exactly what happened. It was after hours and about 2-3 other people had made one, so I was like fuck it. Tragic.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
