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One of my best buddies is dating a girl for quite a long time now and we got to know her friends. One of them became immediately interested in me, but since she was studying in another town (returning home 2-3 days every 2 weeks or so) and since I was not interested in a LTR, we were basically friends with benefits. This thing lasted about 4 weeks.
After this period of time, that girl told me that she didn't want to continue with this friends with benefits stuff and we decided to stop it. Things were clear from the start, so no problems at all, we're still good friends 
The problem is that I realized that the girl I really like is another one, still from the same group. I had a bad break up and the first girl was basically someone to fill the days and have some casual sex. Now I realize that the girl I really want is her: she is exactly what I picture in my dreams.
I began talking to her and asking her out: she gently declined every time. I started asking about her to the other male friends of the group, and they all wished me good luck because she never had a boyfriend, never kissed anyone and never had sex (she is 23).
I started to realize that a standard approach was basically hopeless, so yesterday I went all in and wrote her a message on facebook, where I told her my feelings for her.
She replied that she liked my honesty, but 1) she felt kinda embarassed that I was dating her friend 2) she is too busy with university and doesn't have time for anything else.
I felt a bit sad but I replied that I was in a strange period of my life and sometimes people would just love to go back in time and change things. I also added that now I realise what I really want and that I understand her embarassment. She didn't reply...
Now, I don't want to give up. I think she may be the person of my life, if I can get past her shield and her prejudices. I need some opinions on how to act now, what to do, to earn her trust and show her that I'm really worth it.
Thank you guys <3
 
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Sounds like she needs someone to show her a good time and just show her that being intimate is fun and ok!
Unfortunately, I don't think you're the right person to do this. You're what I'd call "too experienced". Because I can relate to that girl. You're intimidating and not necessarily someone who's a virgin at 23 would want to be with. You have to start really slow, she's made it this far without anything, she's not going to jump into a relationship with someone who's had a ton of sex already super quick.
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In fact I think I screwed up big time by going with her friend :S
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I think whatever you do you should respect this other person's space. Over the top things like revealing your feelings to someone on facebook can make things rather awkward.
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I will respect her for sure, in fact I think I will just give her space.
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I think you sometimes just have to take no for an answer, and this is probably one of those times.
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you should have told that to her in person instead of on FaceBook. GG NO RE.
But i think your experience level is too high for this.
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I tried something peculiar (nice message, more relaxed, no urge in replying immediately) since no one ever had success with a standard approach.
Yeah, I guess that too.
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You put your cards on the table and she (very politely) turned you down several times.
you done bro, she isn't interested unfortunately.
That or she is like absurdly repressed in which case you should already know this from friends/interaction etc....your call if you wanna dive into that but I would recommend not.
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The only step left is talk to her female friends. Maybe even the girl you were hooking up with. The girls who are down with being friends with benefits are usually pretty helpful in this situations.
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Katowice25012 Posts
You went allin and she told you no explicitly (and then ignored you when you brought it up again), it's over dude. Sucks but that's all you have.
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On April 07 2013 10:14 heyoka wrote:
You went allin and she told you no explicitly (and then ignored you when you brought it up again), it's over dude. Sucks but that's all you have.
what if he was playing terran? 2nd and 3rd all ins frequent imo
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On April 07 2013 10:36 Confuse wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2013 10:14 heyoka wrote:
You went allin and she told you no explicitly (and then ignored you when you brought it up again), it's over dude. Sucks but that's all you have. what if he was playing terran? 2nd and 3rd all ins frequent imo
Girls don't play terran, they obviously play random because there is no way in hell to to predict what game you are about to play  .
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On April 07 2013 12:54 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On April 07 2013 10:36 Confuse wrote:On April 07 2013 10:14 heyoka wrote:
You went allin and she told you no explicitly (and then ignored you when you brought it up again), it's over dude. Sucks but that's all you have. what if he was playing terran? 2nd and 3rd all ins frequent imo Girls don't play terran, they obviously play random because there is no way in hell to to predict what game you are about to play .
Random and unranked/bronze league = 0% chance to predict shit
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On April 07 2013 07:40 SoSexy wrote:
I started to realize that a standard approach was basically hopeless, so yesterday I went all in and wrote her a message on facebook, where I told her my feelings for her.
This made me facepalm. Facebook professions of love/like are just about the most reliable way to get rejected in the modern age. Be a man and talk to her face at least, an emo online msg is the most piss-weak all in imaginable.
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Ok Facebook messages maybe aren't the most manly way to go, but it's the message that counts and I think it's bullshit to believe that the answer will be any different if you would say it face to face.
And I seriously don't know how you should play this to get her attention... All I can think of is changing yourself into a person she could love, but this obviously is accompanied by a lot of problems and will be a looooong process that might yield zero results. I'd love to believe in the fairytale romance where you win her heart after years of heartbreak, but I'm not really sure that ever happens.
Regardless, if you're really sure about this girl than I would move heaven and earth to be with here.
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Honestly it sounds like she isn't interested. Changing who you are or how you act might get you the girl eventually, but chances are she won't be too happy when you start acting like yourself again.
Save yourself the trouble and go straight to the marriage sack imo. Girls love a guy that takes control.
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On April 07 2013 08:27 Tarias wrote:
I think you sometimes just have to take no for an answer, and this is probably one of those times.
This. Some times your infatuation can be ill-founded. Red flags immediately went off for me when she said that university leaves her with no time for anything else. There are two scenarios here.
1) She's making some kind of alibi so she doesn't have to crush your dreams in such a brutal way
2) She's bad at time management, overly-obsessed with school, or otherwise just too into school. Unless you're studying to be a leading researcher in your field, you should have time for things besides school. It's incredibly unhealthy to focus solely on your studies.
If it's either case, you don't want to be with her.
This made me facepalm. Facebook professions of love/like are just about the most reliable way to get rejected in the modern age. Be a man and talk to her face at least, an emo online msg is the most piss-weak all in imaginable.
Oh, and I second this. The only way to reveal to someone that you have feelings for them is to tell them. Facebook messages or notes are incredibly weak.
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Time to move on. You told her whats up and she denied you. And over facebook... Next time man up and dont use any of this shit. But as you told us she does not want from you what you want from her. Go forth and go for the next one if you feel the need to be with someone. You cant have her so have somebody else.
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On April 07 2013 08:53 SoSexy wrote:
I tried something peculiar (nice message, more relaxed, no urge in replying immediately) since no one ever had success with a standard approach.
Yeah, I guess that too.
So I'm not keeping up with this facebook relationship thing.
I want to imagine it like this:
#NEW NOTIFICATION: E-VITE
#TOPIC: SEX AND/OR RELATIONSHIP
#REASON: LOVE OR WHAT I THINK IT IS; TYPE: ROMANTIC (QUOTATION NEEDED)
#CHOOSE: [ ] ACCEPT [X] DECLINE
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You're screwed. You shouldn't have been cavalier with her friend as now she's not interested or attracted in you. You have no chance with her. Talking to her in person wouldn't have made a difference, so try not to spend too much thinking over what you could have done differently around this girl. It seems clear to me that what you should have done differently was the whole friends with benefits thing.
If you do one girl in a group and another is weirded out because they are friends, how do you ever expect the prudiest one to be interested in you?
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I know Cecil, I suppose that's where I screwed up big time.
Well, I can't go back in time, so I guess I'll have to move on...
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i say keep on asking dude you might get a pity fuck!!!
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On April 09 2013 00:32 QuanticHawk wrote:
i say keep on asking dude you might get a pity fuck!!!
Gross lol. Is our goal to have sex or a relationship?
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On April 09 2013 02:23 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On April 09 2013 00:32 QuanticHawk wrote:
i say keep on asking dude you might get a pity fuck!!! Gross lol. Is our goal to have sex or a relationship?
I think it's to have a sexy relationship
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Nope, is to have a sane relationship. I wouldn't mind at all if she would have told me 'I want to be with you, but are you ok with the fact that I want to remain virgin until marriage?' I would wait, I've had enough of short stories, friends with benefits and all that bullshit...
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EPT
