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How to be as manly as kollin
A few months ago, as I sat on the top of Mount Everest, having clambered up it's slopes with my hands tied behind my back, I realised there was a big issue on TL. A lack of manliness. Yes, you heard me. Manliness. You see, aside from me, Kiett and Intrigue there are very few manly men on this forum. That's a huge problem, as for many years I considered TL to be a shining bastion of manliness in an otherwise dark and desolate landscape. With the advent of HotS, I fear that has changed as gamers around the world go weak at the knees when they see Kerrigan, and some poor lost souls even have...dolls...of her image. This is clearly not manly behaviour. I ask you, how many bricks have you eaten in the past week. If the answer is less than 21, you clearly are not very manly. Do you drink a mixture of glass, absinthe and extremely strong horse tranquilliser with your bricks? If not, you clearly are not very manly.
Luckily for you poor sissy pants girly woman, I have compiled a handy cut out 'n keep guide for how to become as manly as Kiett, the manliest man in all of TL. If you follow this five step guide then ladies will swoon to your feet, where you can proceed to crush them to a pulp to punish their emotional weakness.
1) The first step of this guide is to consider what you are wearing at this moment. If it is anything other than a sheen of oil thick enough to cover your throbbing manhood, you are a sissy pants girly woman. If you do not have a necklace of fire on, you are a sissy pants girly woman. If you do not have iron spikes rammed into your back in an attempt to emulate a porcupine, you are a sissy pants girly woman. Take heed of what I say and you can start the long path to being a man.
2) How many women have you slept with over the past day? If you are like me, the number will be over 10. If the number is less than 10 you are either a sissy pants girly woman or you have not applied enough oil to your body to make your ripped muscles glisten. Which brings me nicely onto my next point...
3) Do you even lift? If there is one thing that my lifetime of being a manly man has taught me, it is that lifting is the most important aspect of being a manly man. You should be lifting AT LEAST 99% of the time. Having sex? Lift the woman. Sleeping? Lift the bed. In a class? Lift the teacher. This should the your body to the point where you literally cannot fit into clothes, which links into point one rather well as you will now be forced to oil yourself up.
4) I'm sure you get into arguments over the Internet, assuming you are not a complete sissy pants girly woman. Much like an argument in real life where you should be screaming indistinguishable and completely vile swear words into your opponent's face, in an argument on the internet there is no reason to not type in capitals. If you are a TRUE manly man, you will mash your face across the keyboard to add to the effect of your hands being so muscled they cannot type properly. Constantly try and bait the other person into getting angry with comments such as 'r u 4 rela brah?'. The 'brah' part is the most important, as that signifies you are a bro, and probably get laid a ton. Also, constantly refer to how often you do get laid, and how you love to blaze weed at the same time. That shows those fucking losers who is a real manly man.
5) While my final point is slightly connected to the previous one, I like to have nice round numbers (like my manly man balls) and that is why I am giving it a separate paragraph. Whenever you are playing Terran on the ladder (the most manly of the races) make sure to call your opponent a 'fucking trash nerd' if you lose. You can also infer or explicitly state you think he should be out partying like you on this particular Saturday night. Constantly rant (remember the all caps) how he plays this game all day just for ladder points, and probably is a neck beard or something.
Now that I have given you the tools you need to become a manly man, it is time for you to lay down your daisies and your mini yoghurt pots, and embrace what it is to be a true manly man. If you ever feel disheartened, keep an image of myself in all my manly glory seared into your eyeballs. Good luck friends, and may only the manliest of you survive.
  
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Oh shit, what happened to steps 6-10 in this ten step guide?
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Real men make changes to what they're doing and then don't edit the rest of it.
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
1/5 for trying to out-post me with silly blogs filled with lies
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You clearly haven't had your daily intake of vitamin BRICK.
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United Kingdom3482 Posts
How many women have you slept with over the past day? If you are like me, the number will be over 10.
If you're not getting at least equal to your age in women on a daily basis you are obviously doing it wrong. I claim this guide to be complete bunk.
Also
5) While my final point is slightly connected to the previous one, I like to have nice round numbers (like my manly man balls) and that is why I am giving it a separate paragraph.
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
I think it's past bedtime in The United Kingdom of Wimps by nog, eh?
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On April 01 2013 07:39 imallinson wrote:Show nested quote +How many women have you slept with over the past day? If you are like me, the number will be over 10. If you're not getting at least equal to your age in women on a daily basis you are obviously doing it wrong. I claim this guide to be complete bunk.
Exactly. I am getting over 13 women in a day, so Zealously is already beaten on that front.
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On April 01 2013 07:39 imallinson wrote:Show nested quote +How many women have you slept with over the past day? If you are like me, the number will be over 10. If you're not getting at least equal to your age in women on a daily basis you are obviously doing it wrong. I claim this guide to be complete bunk. Also Show nested quote +5) While my final point is slightly connected to the previous one, I like to have nice round numbers (like my manly man balls) and that is why I am giving it a separate paragraph.
I couldn't resist 
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United Kingdom3482 Posts
On April 01 2013 07:45 kollin wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2013 07:39 imallinson wrote:How many women have you slept with over the past day? If you are like me, the number will be over 10. If you're not getting at least equal to your age in women on a daily basis you are obviously doing it wrong. I claim this guide to be complete bunk. Also 5) While my final point is slightly connected to the previous one, I like to have nice round numbers (like my manly man balls) and that is why I am giving it a separate paragraph. I couldn't resist
I should clarify: either you actually meant round numbers in which case 4 is also a round number or you meant even numbers in which case 5 isn't. Then again I guess maths isn't the manliest of pursuits.
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On April 01 2013 07:51 imallinson wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2013 07:45 kollin wrote:On April 01 2013 07:39 imallinson wrote:How many women have you slept with over the past day? If you are like me, the number will be over 10. If you're not getting at least equal to your age in women on a daily basis you are obviously doing it wrong. I claim this guide to be complete bunk. Also 5) While my final point is slightly connected to the previous one, I like to have nice round numbers (like my manly man balls) and that is why I am giving it a separate paragraph. I couldn't resist I should clarify: either you actually meant round numbers in which case 4 is also a round number or you meant even numbers in which case 5 isn't. Then again I guess maths isn't the manliest of pursuits.
I meant a multiple of 5, but I haven't done maths since I counted the number of muscles I had on each arm.
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The funny part is that Kollin is a 9 year old girl.
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I heard kollin is actually a 40 year old woman with 6 children
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
On April 01 2013 08:30 solidbebe wrote:
I heard kollin is actually a 40 year old woman with 6 children
Aren't we all?
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R U 4 R3LA BRAH!
3v3ry Man cov3r3d in oil knows that all th3 MANli3st programs gots 8 st3ps. Caus3 8 looks lik3s my ball BRAH.
And wh3n i brows3 TeamLiquid (r3al m3n sp3ll out all da Words) I lift my desk!
Also r3placing 3 with 3, is much more manly caus3 3 looks more like my balls than an 3 do3s.
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Now YOU, are a manly man. Take notes Zealously.
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On April 01 2013 08:38 kollin wrote:
Now YOU, are a manly man. Take notes Zealously.
MANLY M3N r3cogniz3 oth3r m3nly m3n.
L3t us go and crush all da wom3n with 3motional probl3ms!
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MysteryMeat1 is definitely not working at Valve.
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On April 01 2013 08:47 eviltomahawk wrote:
MysteryMeat1 is definitely not working at Valve.
He's just trying to trick you into thinking that :O
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No one is as manly as Kiett 
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On April 01 2013 10:52 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On April 01 2013 08:47 eviltomahawk wrote:
MysteryMeat1 is definitely not working at Valve. He's just trying to trick you into thinking that :O
Why am I soo lost at this joke...
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On April 01 2013 07:34 kollin wrote:
You clearly haven't had your daily intake of vitamin BRICK.
5/5 just for this line. Even though it's not technically part of the blog. It's that good.
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United States7639 Posts
wtf why am i the manliest man ;_;
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TLADT24920 Posts
On April 02 2013 15:27 Kiett wrote:
wtf why am i the manliest man ;_;
LOL according to kollin, it should be an honor! Take it, it is yours! XD
such a funny guide since the OP doesn't even follow his own rules in his own manly guide! :O
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On April 02 2013 15:27 Kiett wrote:
wtf why am i the manliest man ;_;
This is the biggest achievement you could ever receive, be proud of yourself for getting it.
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United Kingdom14464 Posts
As a 40 year old women with 6 kids, I summarily ignored this blog.
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i played with kiett, and indeed he is the manliest man on this forum.
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EPT
