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Hey guys; just wanna start by thanking the community for all your support and feedback from my past blogs. I went through some stuff over a girl and am still sorta going through it now but with better control I guess.
Well long story short; met a new girl at rehearsals for a theatre show. After our run ended, I told her I thought she was really cute and that if she's down for it, we should hang out and see where it goes from there.
She said yes and we're just waiting for our work schedules to comply with each other at this point.
To be honest; I'm still not over the first girl... and the reason why she isn't with me is because she wasn't over her ex.
I don't want to lead the new girl on so I feel like I should tell her where I stand, but people are telling me to not bring up an ex and just roll with the new one (Because it could be weird to be talking about past relationships so early on). I don't know; I just feel conflicted. Is it really ok to date a new person when you're not over your ex...?
Someone else just put me through the shitty end of that situation and I don't wanna put that upon someone else but I have to admit it does feel good to have this new girl in my life so far. In the back of my mind however, I do have thoughts often about the first girl...
I just dont know =(
  
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See where it goes, if you change your mind, the best thing you can do is just tell her you're not over your ex and you're sorry.
These things happen, life goes on.
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In most cases, you will always have remnants feelings for your ex, especially if you're not the one who broke it off.
Right now, you know you have interest for this new girl. You should find out if its just an interest or something more.
This isn't necessarily "rebound", but you seeking new people, relationships, interests. Follow-through on this and focus more on her rather than how different or similar she is to you ex.
In my opinion, just go with the flow, enjoy your time and when your first hangout is over, assess your feelings.
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I don't want to lead the new girl on so I feel like I should tell her where I stand, but people are telling me to not bring up an ex and just roll with the new one (Because it could be weird to be talking about past relationships so early on). I don't know; I just feel conflicted. Is it really ok to date a new person when you're not over your ex...?
And they're right.
As you say, you aren't with the first girl. Therefore, you should try to meet someone on your own. Start a relationship with this new one, see how it evolves from there.
Then, if one day your other girl ends it with her ex and suddenly fall madly in love with you you'll reassess the situation as to what girl you prefer (or if you're happy, I'd say stay with Girl 2 anyway).
Meanwhile, make it happen for you instead of thinking about a girl that doesn't think about you.
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Don't bring it up. If you do, you won't be with the girl. Simple as that.
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Just do like you said you'd do--hang out with her, see what happens. You won't get over your ex if you keep your brain dwelling on the issue.
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Don't worry, if things go well with this one the old one will suddenly not be as relevant anymore as she might seem to be at the moment. =)
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Do you enjoy spending time with her?
YES: be with her but be honest. You dont have to say it out of the blue but if you ever get to a serious talk just tell her.
NO: Break it off.
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Norway10161 Posts
Look at it this way:
Time spent with a great person is time well spent.
Don't mention the ex. I did it with a gf of mine and it seemed fine at first but after a few months it came up whenever she was in a bad mood. I of course didnt even remember saying it.
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Ye, do not bring up the ex under any circumstances, it is a terrible decision, and if you ever have an off day with the new girl, thats the first thing that will go through her mind
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Just run with it, if you fuck up, you've learned from it.
EDIT: and honestly, NEVER FUCKING MENTION YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND TO ANY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS. Seriously. She doesn't need to know and you don't need her to know.
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Best advice I have ever been given: Don't talk to girl's about other girls.
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On January 21 2013 21:31 iTzSnypah wrote:
Best advice I have ever been given: Don't talk to girl's about other girls.
And don't talk to guys about girls when other girls are in earshot.
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Same as above. Don't ever mention Firstgirl. See where it goes. I'm not sure how old you are, but sex with a fresh girl can often lead to you feeling more relieved and relaxed, letting you put Firstgirl behind easier.
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United Arab Emirates5091 Posts
Dont ever. everrrr. eeevaaah. EVAA. EVVVARRR EVVAR EVVAR EVVVVVAR mention your ex to your current gf.
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Just go with it.
Edit:
Almost everyone has a backup/rebound/ex etc. etc. etc., what you are doing is perfectly normal, it's not even close to being unfair.
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If you're looking for a possible relationship with this new girl, don't mention the ex at all. It'll just scare her away, and there's a good chance that spending time with her will help you move on anyway.
If you're looking to just screw around and she doesn't really know what your true intentions are, you need to be straight with her and let her know what you're actually looking for with her (relationship, hook up, etc.). While you don't want to bring up ex-girlfriends and baggage, you also don't want to send anyone mixed messages and led them on.
You don't need to offer up your entire life's successes and failures with relationships, but give her the common courtesy of telling her what you're looking for with her if things start to heat up more than just as platonic friends.
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Don't bring it up, don't talk about it. Muse about it on your own time if you want, but don't do it with her. She will heal you in a way you cannot, if the relationship gets to that point. Have fun, don't forget that this is about having fun first, and then healing after, only time can heal you on your own, and only love can heal you together.
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Why would you bring it up? Helps no one. Honesty is 100% overrated.
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Two rules to dating.
1. Don't talk about past girlfriends.
2. If they start talking about past boyfriends leave.
Past is in the past. People hung up on old significant others are probably far too much drama then they're worth. Its fine to be into another girl, you just don't act on it, unless its an open relationship. Dating doesn't become about marriage until it reaches a certain length and level of commitement. Its about finding the right partner, and getting hung up on that will ruin your dating experiences.
Have fun with the girl and don't think about it too much. If you come to a point where you think you guys are getting serious then you can broach the whole past relationship shit. Otherwise its actually not important.
You're not dating your ex so she shouldn't factor into anything you're doing with this girl.
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I've been married for almost 10 years ago. Sometimes I think back with fondness about good times I had with old girlfriends. My wife and I hang out with 2 of those girlfriends and their husbands. Her cousin is married to one, and we play Starcraft all the time. These women are not less pretty or fun to be around then they were 10-15 years ago. This does not mean that I don't love my wife more than anything.
The whole purpose of dating is to nurture developing feelings to determine if they should and will become more developed. You should not allow feelings for one good person who does not want anything to do with you prevent you from getting to know another good person. If you still like girl 1 more than girl 2 and girl 2 wants to get married, then you may want to consider scaling back your relationship, but since you don't HAVE a relationship, stop over-thinking this.
You should not bring this up at any time, for any reason. Nothing productive will come of it, you are just picking a fight for no benefit.
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Katowice25012 Posts
You're overthinking this. Go and hang out with her, see what happens. If it gets to the point where she wants to get serious with you and you don't like her and still want whoever this other girl is you can talk it over then.
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I'm just going to reinforce what everyone in this thread already said: don't mention your ex. Try to enjoy yourself on your date. If you aren't happy, only then can you start to contemplate what to do.
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dating =/= being in a serious committed relationship. just hang out with her ffs, dont think of it as a rebound or whatever. aka what heyoka said.
and yeah dont mention the past, or friendzone forever
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On January 22 2013 06:00 Juliette wrote:
dating =/= being in a serious committed relationship. just hang out with her ffs, dont think of it as a rebound or whatever. aka what heyoka said.
and yeah dont mention the past, or friendzone forever
It's funny because I tell people the opposite all the time. Why date someone if you don't want to see if it can go somewhere?
If you want a friend, make a friend. If you want someone to have sex with, meet someone at the bar. IMO dating is a waste of time as soon as you know it isn't going anywhere.
BUT, that being said, I know and accept that this is very much up to opinion. I'm happily married, and I broke up with people I couldn't live my life with before getting married, but that's what I was looking for.
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why is this even something that crossed your mind before you've actually gone on a date with her??
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On January 22 2013 04:02 U_G_L_Y wrote:
I've been married for almost 10 years ago. Sometimes I think back with fondness about good times I had with old girlfriends. My wife and I hang out with 2 of those girlfriends and their husbands. Her cousin is married to one, and we play Starcraft all the time. These women are not less pretty or fun to be around then they were 10-15 years ago. This does not mean that I don't love my wife more than anything.
The whole purpose of dating is to nurture developing feelings to determine if they should and will become more developed. You should not allow feelings for one good person who does not want anything to do with you prevent you from getting to know another good person. If you still like girl 1 more than girl 2 and girl 2 wants to get married, then you may want to consider scaling back your relationship, but since you don't HAVE a relationship, stop over-thinking this.
You should not bring this up at any time, for any reason. Nothing productive will come of it, you are just picking a fight for no benefit.
Sound advice, u've written what i've been thinking for the last 6 month!!!! Thanks
I find most people ( guys and girls) tend to over think things as in some sort of incredible scheme of things.
Relax and enjoy life
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On January 22 2013 07:11 Shai wrote:Show nested quote +On January 22 2013 06:00 Juliette wrote:
dating =/= being in a serious committed relationship. just hang out with her ffs, dont think of it as a rebound or whatever. aka what heyoka said.
and yeah dont mention the past, or friendzone forever It's funny because I tell people the opposite all the time. Why date someone if you don't want to see if it can go somewhere? If you want a friend, make a friend. If you want someone to have sex with, meet someone at the bar. IMO dating is a waste of time as soon as you know it isn't going anywhere. BUT, that being said, I know and accept that this is very much up to opinion. I'm happily married, and I broke up with people I couldn't live my life with before getting married, but that's what I was looking for.
i agree, the purpose of dating is to find a long term relationship. but i mean, just because you go out on a few dates doesnt mean you'll find one, so if you don't, you can move on, build a friendship, or hell just never talk again. regardless, just go and do it and have fun and dont overthink it.
^^ glad you found what you wanted
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5 F Principle
Find them.
Follow them.
Finger them.
Fuck them.
Forget them.
:p
+ Show Spoiler +Like others have said, go hang out and see how it goes, if its not going to work because of the other girl, tell her and say bye.
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My brother does this frequently as he changes GF's on a biweekly bases. From observing I'd evaluate this new girl and see if she would care and understand what your going through otherwise it could be mad awkward.
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EPT
