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Fell in love with the most beautiful, perfect person in the world, treated her badly, she fell out of love, we broke up, and now she's seeing someone else. Story of my life.
Been going crazy, asking around, what to do, how to win her back, and I found some sensible advice from people who actually have done so before. I'll briefly go through some of it, I've seen a lot of folks here going through the same thing, so maybe this will help you out. Discuss!
Step 0: Figure out if this girl is worth it
This isn’t going to be easy. In fact it’s going to be very difficult. Figure out if this girl is worth it, and that you’re not merely rationalizing, thinking that she’s the best you can get. Do some soul searching, figure out why you guys broke up, and figure out why you want her.
Step 1: Cut off all contact from her
The mindset behind this is that, you need to show her that you can live without her. If she calls you up, and asks you why you are not responding to her texts, tell her politely that you can't take this just friends BS (And if there is another guy, you don't want to be there when and if she choose him over you). And you will never let someone else treat you like that. Also, if you've been in close contact with her ever since the breakup, what you're really doing is helping her heal, and not feel guilty because of the breakup. Don't do that, she can never truly realize what she's lost, until she really has lost it.
Step 2: Improve yourself
Start putting effort in the way you dress. Start going out more often, meet new people. Go to the gym. When you come back into her life, you want her to notice a huge change.
Step 3: Forget about her
Go on dates with other women. Until you can go on a date women that are hotter than your ex, don't even think about getting back with her. You really need to change your mindset, you need to realise that you don't need her in your life, and that you are the most important person in your life. This is crucial because once you re-initiate contact, you want her to know that you have moved on, and you might let her back in.
Step 4: Wait for the right time
Most people have an arbitrary 30 days no contact rule, but waiting and counting days passed defeats the whole purpose of this. You are supposed to move on and ideally she contacts you first. Also, remember that you want to be the best version of yourself before re-initiating contact.
Personally I've failed the first time I tried this, because after telling my girlfriend this she started telling me that I was the best boyfriend she ever had and she still has some feelings for me, and she asked me out of a movie, I caved in, and we had a really good date, we made out a lot, all of this in spite of her seeing a new guy. Part of her wants to go back with me, but part of her wants to stay with the other guy because he's probably better than me in a lot of ways, and she hasn't really 'felt' the breakup yet. I'm going to start this again, anyone want to follow through the challenge with me? Tell me your thoughts on this too!
 
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Okay, most of your "steps" are solid advice for getting over someone post-breakup... but the whole point in doing most of that stuff is to get over your ex, not win them back. Don't get me wrong, I can understand wanting to get back together with an ex, but considering that you said she wasn't in love with you anymore AND is seeing another guy... why? I'm sure getting back together works for some people, but this situation sounds like a terrible idea that won't end well. She's dating someone else, and now y'all are messing around behind the other guy's back; sounds like you're gonna end up the side dude with hurt feelings. If I were you I'd re-think this "challenge." Just move on completely, or if you really feel that you must be together, at least wait until she's single to try to get her back.
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surely there are more steps to this process i need all of them
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I don't understand how you expect someone to do this challenge with you :x
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Regarding these things as a challenge is possibly one of the reasons she broke up with you.
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Bearded Elder29903 Posts
One tip : Never, NEVER fucking EVER go back to Your ex. PERIOD. If it broke down it means it had to go that way.
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On January 16 2013 16:48 739 wrote:
One tip : Never, NEVER fucking EVER go back to Your ex. PERIOD. If it broke down it means it had to go that way.
Tell that to my parents happily married for 40 years, lol. (edit: Just because something had to break down the first time it doesn't need to the second time, people mature)
But as a poster above me said, these are mostly solid get-over-someone advice. In my opinion you can't truly go forward if you have the agenda of getting your ex back. I think the most probably way of getting back together is letting go and then meeting more or less on accident or just over a cup of coffee some ways down the road and both realizing they haven't found anything better and wanting to try again.
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This blog just screams "Teenager".
Step 5: Grow up.
If your gf is seeing a new guy, get some balls and listen to your step 3, count your losses, and learn from it all so in your next relationship it doesn't happen again.
Oh yeah, and if your gf left you for someone else... Don't go back to her. Same goes for any ex.. Ex's are ex's for a reason.
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On January 16 2013 16:48 739 wrote:
One tip : Never, NEVER fucking EVER go back to Your ex. PERIOD. If it broke down it means it had to go that way.
This is false. I personally know a few couples who broke up, but reconciled later to have a successful long term relationship.
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it is weird, a friend of mine was with a girl for 5 years and they broke up. Actually many of my friends broke up as soon as they came to my marriage... Their girlfriends decided to pop the question and they werent ready so they kinda broke up because of that. (happened to 3 friends of mine). Now, after 2-3 years one of my friend's girl still has feelings for the guy but he was acting all tough... then 2 days ago, this happened: we gathered to a friends house to watch a movie, guy who was acting tough that the girl still wants him back and was showing us that he just dont care, comes rushing in and starts shouting "she dared to put a photo in her facebook with a random douchebag". Go figure... whats up with that... I mean she can do whatever the hell she wants after you are playing all hard to get you moron.
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On January 16 2013 19:25 bartus88 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2013 16:48 739 wrote:
One tip : Never, NEVER fucking EVER go back to Your ex. PERIOD. If it broke down it means it had to go that way. This is false. I personally know a few couples who broke up, but reconciled later to have a successful long term relationship.
The wording on what he said should be revised a bit, but for the most part is true.. I'd say its okay to try and fix things with an ex IF they have not gotten around with anyone else after your break-up, and have just been single. If they have gotten with someone else that is just grounds for creating feelings of anger and hostility, along with jealousy later if you do get back together.
So in short.. I definitely would not advise getting back together with an ex that has gone "exploring" after your break up.. It will just turn out bad and be really awkward between you two. If they have kept it single after your break-up.. Then I would say its okay to try things again together. (Although I will warn you that 90% of the time people give a relationship another whirl after it goes to shit, things typically end up just getting worse the second try. Seen it happen countless times.
My belief is: An ex is an ex for a reason.. People in your past are in your past for a reason. So just learn from it, and move on.
I'm gonna give some blatantly honest advice to the OP.. If your ex was actually still interested in being with you again even the slightest bit.. Then she wouldn't be out with another guy, she would be keeping it 100% with you. Its that simple. So the fact that she's with someone else tells you right there that she's done with you. Even though mentally she might not be 100% over you yet and is keeping you in check for a little while as result.. That doesn't matter, because she will be over you in a few months. Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear, but its the truth.
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On January 16 2013 19:31 Enzymatic wrote:Show nested quote +On January 16 2013 19:25 bartus88 wrote:On January 16 2013 16:48 739 wrote:
One tip : Never, NEVER fucking EVER go back to Your ex. PERIOD. If it broke down it means it had to go that way. This is false. I personally know a few couples who broke up, but reconciled later to have a successful long term relationship. The wording on what he said should be revised a bit, but for the most part is true.. I'd say its okay to try and fix things with an ex IF they have not gotten around with anyone else after your break-up, and have just been single. If they have gotten with someone else that is just grounds for creating feelings of anger and hostility, along with jealousy later if you do get back together. So in short.. I definitely would not advise getting back together with an ex that has gone "exploring" after your break up.. It will just turn out bad and be really awkward between you two. If they have kept it single after your break-up.. Then I would say its okay to try things again together. (Although I will warn you that 90% of the time people give a relationship another whirl after it goes to shit, things typically end up just getting worse the second try. Seen it happen countless times. My belief is: An ex is an ex for a reason.. People in your past are in your past for a reason. So just learn from it, and move on. I'm gonna give some blatantly honest advice to the OP.. If your ex was actually still interested in being with you again even the slightest bit.. Then she wouldn't be out with another guy, she would be keeping it 100% with you. Its that simple. So the fact that she's with someone else tells you right there that she's done with you. Even though mentally she might not be 100% over you yet and is keeping you in check for a little while as result.. That doesn't matter, because she will be over you in a few months. Sorry if that isn't what you want to hear, but its the truth.
When I was first in a relationship with my now wife, we broke up for 2-3 days time. But yeah....we are now married and everything is great after 2 years. My advice would be, dont fight over silly things, that is 99.9% of my arguments that end up in fights with my wife and when we realize it, we just laugh and have fun.
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tried it and didn't work out.
I know a couple that had been breaking up every 2 weeks or so and they are into their 3rd year in a weird relationship like this.
It all depends on WHY you two broke up I suppose.
Sometimes after a few days and weeks and even months, then you two notice the reason was insignificant and can get through it together, but most people just move on...
Used to think it was possible until.....a long heart breaking waiting
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break ups are like time offs so both parties can figure problematic issues out. then they come back together in a better relationship. that does not mean it won't lead to another set of breakup series for the abovementioned reasons.
It all comes down to what caused the break-up. So, what caused it, lisward ?
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On January 16 2013 16:00 spaceghostcoast wrote:
Okay, most of your "steps" are solid advice for getting over someone post-breakup... but the whole point in doing most of that stuff is to get over your ex, not win them back.
Nailed it on the first line of the first reply.
Why go through all the trouble of becoming a brand new person and no longer needing your ex in your life, only to throw it all away and attempt to sabotage both your life and your ex's life? Let her (and you) be happy with your new lives.
That's not to say that exes can't get back together after a break-up (they certainly can, and it can certainly be successful if you solve your earlier problems and work out your reasons for breaking up in the first place), but this game plan is quite clearly a great plan for moving on.
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On January 16 2013 23:20 ETisME wrote:
I know a couple that had been breaking up every 2 weeks or so and they are into their 3rd year in a weird relationship like this.
This is my relationship with my gf currently. Still together after 2 years as well  The good thing about relationships like this is after enough attempts to break up.. It becomes nearly impossible to actually break-up.. Then you start telling each other "we're over" while fully knowing that you aren't and won't be over and will just be sleeping together tomorrow night. Then they turn to "break-ups" rather than break-ups. And a "break-up" is a lot different than a break-up. After long enough it becomes sort of like a silly game you play together in saying "we're over".
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Getting someone back means that you have to bring back those feelings. It has little to do with looks, and much more to do with bringing back a feeling. All your steps are amazing for getting over someone (I'd like to add that you shouldn't go right away and find someone else, you should take time on yourself), but you leave out that you have to recreate the magic to bring back a magical person.
EDIT: On January 17 2013 00:57 Enzymatic wrote:This is my relationship with my gf currently. Still together after 2 years as well The good thing about relationships like this is after enough attempts to break up.. It becomes nearly impossible to actually break-up.. Then you start telling each other "we're over" while fully knowing that you aren't and won't be over and will just be sleeping together tomorrow night. Then they turn to "break-ups" rather than break-ups. And a "break-up" is a lot different than a break-up.
thats really fkin unhealthy dude :/.
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On January 17 2013 00:57 docvoc wrote:Getting someone back means that you have to bring back those feelings. It has little to do with looks, and much more to do with bringing back a feeling. All your steps are amazing for getting over someone (I'd like to add that you shouldn't go right away and find someone else, you should take time on yourself), but you leave out that you have to recreate the magic to bring back a magical person. EDIT: Show nested quote +On January 17 2013 00:57 Enzymatic wrote:This is my relationship with my gf currently. Still together after 2 years as well The good thing about relationships like this is after enough attempts to break up.. It becomes nearly impossible to actually break-up.. Then you start telling each other "we're over" while fully knowing that you aren't and won't be over and will just be sleeping together tomorrow night. Then they turn to "break-ups" rather than break-ups. And a "break-up" is a lot different than a break-up. thats really fkin unhealthy dude :/.
Trust me.. I know. 
Not exactly proud of it.. And I'm primarily the one that starts it.. Definitely looking to change that.
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On January 16 2013 23:32 kanjimanji wrote:
It all comes down to what caused the break-up. So, what caused it, lisward ?
It's in his previous blog: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=376333
Personally I'm in agreement with most of the posters - build yourself back up and move along. She's not worth the obsession given things have ended, but if you two develop into new people in the future, that can change. For now, it's detrimental.
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Not sure what you'll end up doing, OP, but I'm with you XD
Either I get the girl back or I get over her. Win/win. I honestly think it's too late for me now, but there's no loss in making myself better while recouperating.
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On January 16 2013 16:00 spaceghostcoast wrote:
Okay, most of your "steps" are solid advice for getting over someone post-breakup... but the whole point in doing most of that stuff is to get over your ex, not win them back. Don't get me wrong, I can understand wanting to get back together with an ex, but considering that you said she wasn't in love with you anymore AND is seeing another guy... why? I'm sure getting back together works for some people, but this situation sounds like a terrible idea that won't end well. She's dating someone else, and now y'all are messing around behind the other guy's back; sounds like you're gonna end up the side dude with hurt feelings. If I were you I'd re-think this "challenge." Just move on completely, or if you really feel that you must be together, at least wait until she's single to try to get her back.
By the time you are done with step 3 I think you'd be in the right mindset to decide whether or not it's worth going after again. I think step 0 should come after step 3, but 1-3 should be done regardless.
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speaking from experience, never get back with your ex. NEVER.
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What about a male ex? Blowjobs won't fix it, or? (I hope you get that I'm not serious about the second question.)
By the way, what the hell. If she's a at least a bit grown-up in her head she should choose a deep and thoughtful conversation about your (past) relationship about any of that .. I don't know, backing off? If a guy would back off I'd interpret that he doesn't want me.
Be straight up and don't give signals that have to be decoded first. Who wants a fucking wifi that you don't have the key to, really.
Step 0: Figure out if this girl is worth it
This isn’t going to be easy. In fact it’s going to be very difficult. Figure out if this girl is worth it, and that you’re not merely rationalizing, thinking that she’s the best you can get. Do some soul searching, figure out why you guys broke up, and figure out why you want her.
Step 1: Cut off all contact from her
I think I was pretty clear about this. Being too rare is not good. Sure, a bit time off will be good for both. But if you want to be together both need their space, learn that beforehand.
Step 2: Improve yours elf
Improving yourself for YOURSELF is always good. No matter the situation actually.
Step 3: Forget about her
Wait, why would you get into the mindset of not needing her? Why would you want her back then? If you love somebody, you are always at least a tiny bit needy. Because love makes you vulnerable. Deal with it. Cause it kind of sounds like you have to be a literally darn cool guy to be able to date a woman properly.
It's always about give and take, so, if she wants you back, too, she also lets YOU back into HER life. Just picking this out.
Step 4: Wait for the right time
You'll get to know when the right time comes. No rules for this.
It was 7 years later for me.
I'm not trying to be an arse here, just adding my 2 cents. If you mean what you wrote, literally: Personally I think it sounds dull. And I don't think it will work out like that.
Edit: Psychological fact: You cannot "forget". Not even amnesia is "forgetting". It's just fucking manipulating the damn partition so you can't access it any more for your own safety because trauma. (At least that's what I heard.  )
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EPT
