The girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and get along really well. She tells me that she feels like we're best friends rather than lovers and that she couldn't see us getting married. I don't know if this feeling is natural for a couple that's been dating for 6 months. We work together and spend 60+ hours a week together (40 at work and 20+ outside of work). As I found out last night, neither of us is "in love" with the other. I think this scares her, and she's seriously considering calling it quits. Nothing has really changed in our relationship from 3 months ago, other than the fact she feels that 6 months in is a good time to reflect on the relationship. She's had this feeling for a week or two.
I don't want to call it quits just yet. I feel like it's too soon to tell, and we get along completely fine from day to day. What should I do?
Has anyone been in a similar situation? When did you and your girlfriend know you were in love?
my first advise would be to change the time-balance. 40h at work and only 20h outside of that? its not a good balance imo maybe you should try to avoid eachother at work and meet in sparetime. because this big ammount of working time wont help you to get a better connection, it might make it even worse because you relate the "work-feeling" to her (or she to you).
another idea would be to step it down a little bit: cut the 40h at work and drop from 20h outside to 15h, see if thats helping. so you dont sit on each others face the whole time and each of you has some time for him/herself.
Yea, we didn't start off working together. I used to be really happy seeing her after work, but now since I see her everyday, that excitement is gone. We try not to see too much of each at work, but it's hard since we sit two cubes away. I think seeing her less might be a good idea...
Seeing her less is a pretty surefire cure dude. The hurdle in that is actually doing it. It may be too late for this relationship, but in the future, you have to start slow and take it easy. As you probably have figured out by now, if you've been spending most of your time together, you can't really go to seeing her for a few hours a week; it doesn't work that way.
I advise you to leave her immeadtly and to not look back, the fackt that you work together is bad in that regard, maybe you should also look for a new job. If she says she doesnt love you and if she is not sure about you and what not then there is no reason to stay with her. If she doesn't leave you in the next year or month she might leave you if you have a family (you say you are considering marriage?) This is no woman to build a future with or to love. If she is not sure about you, she doesn't deserve your love.
OP, the simple fact is that you may have stumbled into a good relationship occurring in a bad space. Every relationship requires a certain balance in order to maintain consistent emotional responses (unlike sports/music/writing practice, there is no clear distinct goal you work towards). Considering that 60 hours a week is the near-equivalent of 9 hours per day, both of you are probably suffering from overexposure. There is little to look forward to and you are dealing with each other's personalities on a daily basis.
You can stop interacting with her at work and do it during your free time, or you can break off the relationship and remain friends. Either option is infinitely preferable to a sexual, intimate relationship that lacks sexuality and intimacy.
On January 02 2013 02:14 Holy_AT wrote: I advise you to leave her immeadtly and to not look back, the fackt that you work together is bad in that regard, maybe you should also look for a new job. If she says she doesnt love you and if she is not sure about you and what not then there is no reason to stay with her. If she doesn't leave you in the next year or month she might leave you if you have a family (you say you are considering marriage?) This is no woman to build a future with or to love. If she is not sure about you, she doesn't deserve your love.
Well, I'm trying to take it one step at a time. I'm still young and marriage is a few years off. I'm not entirely ruling it out, but right now I don't see us getting married. My main concern right now is that it seems like she wants to break up because we hit the "6 month period" and she's still not in love. I think the root of the problem is that she's thinking long term and I am taking it one step at a time. I don't want to hold her back if her end goal is marriage, but at the same time, I don't think we've given the relationship enough time to bud for her to warrant breaking up with me. We get along fine and great. I almost feel like this is a concern she had in her head and it festered into something material until it became a problem. *Sigh*
On January 02 2013 02:37 CosmicSpiral wrote: OP, the simple fact is that you may have stumbled into a good relationship occurring in a bad space. Every relationship requires a certain balance in order to maintain consistent emotional responses (unlike sports/music/writing practice, there is no clear distinct goal you work towards). Considering that 60 hours a week is the near-equivalent of 9 hours per day, both of you are probably suffering from overexposure. There is little to look forward to and you are dealing with each other's personalities on a daily basis.
You can stop interacting with her at work and do it during your free time, or you can break off the relationship and remain friends. Either option is infinitely preferable to a sexual, intimate relationship that lacks sexuality and intimacy.
Thank you. I appreciate your analysis. Have you or anyone you know spent 9+ hours a day with your significant other and maintained a steady relationship?
On January 02 2013 02:37 CosmicSpiral wrote: OP, the simple fact is that you may have stumbled into a good relationship occurring in a bad space. Every relationship requires a certain balance in order to maintain consistent emotional responses (unlike sports/music/writing practice, there is no clear distinct goal you work towards). Considering that 60 hours a week is the near-equivalent of 9 hours per day, both of you are probably suffering from overexposure. There is little to look forward to and you are dealing with each other's personalities on a daily basis.
You can stop interacting with her at work and do it during your free time, or you can break off the relationship and remain friends. Either option is infinitely preferable to a sexual, intimate relationship that lacks sexuality and intimacy.
Thank you. I appreciate your analysis. Have you or anyone you know spent 9+ hours a day with your significant other and maintained a steady relationship?
Personally, I've never seen or heard of such a relationship working. Perhaps they do exist but it would require a much stronger base of empathy/tolerance than what should be expected of two people who are merely dating. That's the kind of bond that develops between soldiers in war or servants to their master. It would be frankly unrealistic.
Regardless of whether this can happen, your girlfriend is going through a period of cognitive dissonance. She is going out with someone in an environment that kills the spontaneity and desire associated with such a relationship; she can't fool herself into feeling the emotions she expects. This is why dating someone you work with is generally frowned upon. Both sets of expectations (the worker-worker and boyfriend-girlfriend paradigms) cannot mutually co-exist without one degrading the other. Clearly the former is doing well at the expense of the latter.
prob. spending too much time at work with her. i agree. *nod*
just be careful because there is a minimum level of exposure as well. but any exposure at work doesn't add any value and consumes a lot of resources in terms of time.
just make her dream again noob. GIVE HER SOME F***ING DREAMS.
Go out, have fun, make special things, give her some care but not too much, sex at least 3 times a weak. In that way everythings gonna be allright
JUST MAKE SHE DREAM bring her to a good restaurant, then to a fashion pub/bar where she could have a fucking cosmopolitan, here you give her a single rose.
BE CREATIVE MORON And please do not over react giving her a full time attention.
User was banned for being a terrible poster and posting malicious links in the past.
Where do you guys work? Could you find another similar job to it relatively easy? Or is it more of a full-time/career which would be difficult to do so?
If she hasn't figured out she is in love now, it isn't going to happen dude. This is the time when the honeymoon phase ends, if the puppy love never happened, it never will. I hate to say that to you, but it is true. We need to know if this is a career or just a random job. Being honest here, she is being very nice to you about this. She is explaining herself, and not leaving anything off about it that might make you wonder. You can try to save it, but the only way to do it to do 3 things
You need to seperate A LOT, like cut the hours you see each other by 3/4
You need to start slipping aphrodesiacs, sweet nothings, and things she loves into your lives (i.e. if she is sick, put a book that she loves out on a desk easily to reach or leave notes that you love her around
You need to NOT be needy here. You being needy here means she is walking out the door, be confident that she will love you
One thing that can help people figure out a relationship at this point is to travel somewhere together. It doesn't have to be super far or expensive, but go on a trip together. You'll find it will either pull you closer together or push you further apart. That's what has worked in my experience.
On January 02 2013 08:19 docvoc wrote: If she hasn't figured out she is in love now, it isn't going to happen dude. This is the time when the honeymoon phase ends, if the puppy love never happened, it never will. I hate to say that to you, but it is true. We need to know if this is a career or just a random job. Being honest here, she is being very nice to you about this. She is explaining herself, and not leaving anything off about it that might make you wonder. You can try to save it, but the only way to do it to do 3 things
You need to seperate A LOT, like cut the hours you see each other by 3/4
You need to start slipping aphrodesiacs, sweet nothings, and things she loves into your lives (i.e. if she is sick, put a book that she loves out on a desk easily to reach or leave notes that you love her around
You need to NOT be needy here. You being needy here means she is walking out the door, be confident that she will love you
Like r.Evo said, it is quality, not quantity.
I didn't say that.
It's about quality and quantity of the sex they're having. Seeing each other that much is fine if a similar amount of sexual tension goes along with it.
On January 02 2013 08:19 docvoc wrote: If she hasn't figured out she is in love now, it isn't going to happen dude. This is the time when the honeymoon phase ends, if the puppy love never happened, it never will. I hate to say that to you, but it is true. We need to know if this is a career or just a random job. Being honest here, she is being very nice to you about this. She is explaining herself, and not leaving anything off about it that might make you wonder. You can try to save it, but the only way to do it to do 3 things
You need to seperate A LOT, like cut the hours you see each other by 3/4
You need to start slipping aphrodesiacs, sweet nothings, and things she loves into your lives (i.e. if she is sick, put a book that she loves out on a desk easily to reach or leave notes that you love her around
You need to NOT be needy here. You being needy here means she is walking out the door, be confident that she will love you
Like r.Evo said, it is quality, not quantity.
I didn't say that.
It's about quality and quantity of the sex they're having. Seeing each other that much is fine if a similar amount of sexual tension goes along with it.
I didn't mean you were talking about the stuff I said prior to my statement, that is my bad. I just wanted to echo what you said about the quality. I didn't mean to say that you were behind the other things that I said. My b.
Like others have said, it is burn out. Working with a SO sounds awesome at first, but sooner or later the time spent outside of work doesn't become special anymore and someone is bound to get bored and lose interest.
Buddy, you need some major space. You can't spend that much time in a non-romantic situation with someone. The non-romantic atmosphere is going to carry over into the rest of those 20+ hours due to the huge disparity in amount of time spent with each other.
It's common sense. We spend most of our time not being a couple, so why are we having a hard time being a couple?
You said yourself, your relationship hasn't gone anywhere in three months. Well it's not going to go anywhere unless you guys take it somewhere, and how are either of you going to up to the task of "taking your relationship somewhere" if you're spending so much energy around each other at work.
Things currently haven't been working for three months, so you gotta change something. She sounds like she's about to change, as in end the relationship. So either you change something or she does, better do something fast.
Lots of gloom and doom in this thread. Lots of shitty advice and easily sold truths as well.
Look, it's not that you're spending too much time together. It's comfort. Even your post reeks of it, you seem content. It's her wanting change not you. So you just have to ask yourself - are you happy the way things are? Are you truly content? If you want more from life, you have to show that to her. If you're happy then i'm sorry, but you've got to let her try her wings. To some, an ascent with the possibility of an Icarusian fall is more appealing than a wing-clipped life.
maybe if you werent around her 24 7 she wouldnt be so bored of you. she might realize that she needs you.
dont know what you got til its gone.
give her space, imo.
edit: the amount of time you are around her seems too high for the amount of time you have been with her. its possible its getting too serious too fast for her. thats bad. give her space, she wants to have a life thats not entirely 100% YOU.
But to be serious, if neither of you really love each other, I say do not be afraid to move on. 6 months is plenty of time for a "fling" kind of relationship, but those will never be a real substitute for the emotion of mutual love. Don't pass it up for what you have now. Move on.
GHB is your friend ! Just kidding. Sometimes you have a crush and she/he doesn't like you. move on, it's life ! The world is full of beautiful gamer chicks to annoy !
Well, I am forced to say that I empathize with you girlfriend, man. It's not pretty for me to side with her considering I'm already more familiar with reading your post instead of seeing her side of things, but there's more to this.
Presently, I'm dating a traditional Chinese girl from Nanjing. I'm assuming you know what that means because your name fits in perfectly with Romanized Chinese (better known as pinyin). Presently she is in Nanjing for the winter vacation, and she has only told her mother about me because her father is a strict, pro-Confucian rightist...
While I enjoy my time being with her, and we're both always smiling, I'm constantly thinking to myself, "Do I really have a future with this girl?" and I've already been with this type of girl before in the past. The only difference is, this other ex of mine's parents were extremely superstitious and backwards and were never exposed to non-Chinese people before.
Adding to that is my own family background and the kind of reception people who are pro-Confucian would take to it. I am now stigmatized to the point that most Chinese parents would not accept me being with their daughter. Long story short, it's because I have three divorces in my immediate family (not surprising, granted that I come from the American mid-west).
So, that being said, I've been dating someone for about three months that I'm too afraid to break up with because I'm afraid of her reaction. She is far too attached to me.
On January 02 2013 02:37 CosmicSpiral wrote: OP, the simple fact is that you may have stumbled into a good relationship occurring in a bad space. Every relationship requires a certain balance in order to maintain consistent emotional responses (unlike sports/music/writing practice, there is no clear distinct goal you work towards). Considering that 60 hours a week is the near-equivalent of 9 hours per day, both of you are probably suffering from overexposure. There is little to look forward to and you are dealing with each other's personalities on a daily basis.
You can stop interacting with her at work and do it during your free time, or you can break off the relationship and remain friends. Either option is infinitely preferable to a sexual, intimate relationship that lacks sexuality and intimacy.
Thank you. I appreciate your analysis. Have you or anyone you know spent 9+ hours a day with your significant other and maintained a steady relationship?
I have, and we are still together, married, with 2 kids and very happy. We were dating in high school in 1998, and I actually did the dick thing where you basically forget about all the friends you had and just spend every free minute of every day with your gf. We worked together very briefly, but were mostly on different shifts, and haven't worked together since.
Few things: -I think it's clear to see this isn't typical -I spent all my free time with her, evenings, nights, mornings off, etc., but we didn't really work together for long like you did -Takes a shitload of work on both sides to have it be successful -I don't think we would have been successful had we worked together, that's too much exposure like others have said.
Opinion: Change jobs if you want it to work, that might be all you need if the relationship is good normally.
I've been in a similar situation. So know now my thoughts are all biased by my experience -- except we broke up but then got together a week later & have been happily so for just over two years now.
On January 02 2013 14:19 Thrill wrote: Lots of gloom and doom in this thread. Lots of shitty advice and easily sold truths as well.
Look, it's not that you're spending too much time together. It's comfort. Even your post reeks of it, you seem content. It's her wanting change not you. So you just have to ask yourself - are you happy the way things are? Are you truly content? If you want more from life, you have to show that to her. If you're happy then i'm sorry, but you've got to let her try her wings. To some, an ascent with the possibility of an Icarusian fall is more appealing than a wing-clipped life.
Revolutionary Road might be a good watch for you.
^this post completely pigeonholes your choices and thinking.
First, understand this: if you want her to stay with you, YOU need to change and improve yourself. Fair or not, she feels the way she feels & she doesn't know if she's getting what she needs. Her telling you and communicating means that deep down she wants it to work. So, make a choice, will you improve yourself into the kind of man that can keep this woman?
If no, read Thrill's post again and make an active choice to live with "clipped wings."
If yes, realize life doesn't work like flight. That's a terrible metaphor. Even if you do have an "Icarusian fall," you tried & you will learn. And the "fall" really means you'll reach a new level of knowing who you are and what you want. The emotional heart is a muscle as much as the physical, and pain only makes you stronger. In fact, the ONLY truly lose-lose approach in this situation is just up & quitting like a little bitch, as Thrill recommends.
But, if you choose yes you do want to become that man, here are your instructions based on my experiences: A. Your relationship
On January 02 2013 08:19 docvoc wrote: If she hasn't figured out she is in love now, it isn't going to happen dude. This is the time when the honeymoon phase ends, if the puppy love never happened, it never will. I hate to say that to you, but it is true. We need to know if this is a career or just a random job. Being honest here, she is being very nice to you about this. She is explaining herself, and not leaving anything off about it that might make you wonder. You can try to save it, but the only way to do it to do 3 things
You need to seperate A LOT, like cut the hours you see each other by 3/4
You need to start slipping aphrodesiacs, sweet nothings, and things she loves into your lives (i.e. if she is sick, put a book that she loves out on a desk easily to reach or leave notes that you love her around
You need to NOT be needy here. You being needy here means she is walking out the door, be confident that she will love you
Like r.Evo said, it is quality, not quantity.
^this. You're going to need to change yourself & the entire dynamic of this relationship. 1. Most important is that third one: you need to show her, authoritatively, you will be ok without her. If you break up, it will suck, but you'll be ok & go on with your life.
2. Demonstrate you're trying to become the ideal man you want to be. This just means doing shit you want to and being really happy when you're being the man you want to be, and trying to get what you want when you're not. Be entirely practical and results-based about this.
3. Take away the element of certainty in your relationship & replace it with drama. Have some pseudo-boundaries about meaningless irrational things where if she crosses them, you'll throw a hissy fit. (Like being invited to do stuff - even if you both know you weren't going, get kind of mad when she doesn't invite you. Never thank her for when she does, say no to almost everything, but when she stops throw another hissy fit -- "Why wasn't *I* invited? You're an asshole, you know that?" -- specifically about events you both know you weren't going to do)
4. Continue this serious conversation with her about what you both want after you've done the above for a little bit, or be ready for when it will be forced upon you. The "I don't think I should marry you" trap could just mean she's afraid of long-term commitment and withdrawing from the relationship because she wants the version in her head, it could mean she's seriously looking for a life partner, it could mean any number of things. Figure out what her needs are and then improve yourself to address them.
the only time you should be spending together is having sex or doing something where shes laughing the entire time. if its just getting kind of droll either make it that way or leave.
And your only line to her should resemble, "I don't know about the future, I don't care about it and I won't promise you anything because I only make promises I know I can keep. But right now, I want you & I want this to work. I think we have a chance, but I need to know that you think so too. Or else you should stop stringing me along and go."
B. Sex This is absolutely huge. You two need to do it, thats the difference between friends & lovers. but when you do have sex she wants to be a woman, and that requires you to be a man. You need to dominate her physically & forcefully, but vastly more importantly, emotionally.
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
he makes some really good points, but i think what you really want to emphasize is powerful eye contact during intense fucking. you can make her feel like she is your plaything with only your eyes really. you just need to be expressive. eyes are really how you communicate your sexual appetite. basically look at her like you are a lion and she is a gazelle. the other bits are also important , but i think you should emphasize what i mentioned.
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
he makes some really good points, but i think what you really want to emphasize is powerful eye contact during intense fucking. you can make her feel like she is your plaything with only your eyes really. you just need to be expressive. eyes are really how you communicate your sexual appetite. basically look at her like you are a lion and she is a gazelle. the other bits are also important , but i think you should emphasize what i mentioned.
This stuff is kinda tactical
If you want a more long-term solution, you need to figure out where you're headed and see if she wants to join you for the ride. If not, that might be why she doesn't see things working out.
Have you watched American Beauty? If not, you should. It perfectly encapsulates the 'lovers anomie' you're describing, and also tells you how to eventually deal with it
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
he makes some really good points, but i think what you really want to emphasize is powerful eye contact during intense fucking. you can make her feel like she is your plaything with only your eyes really. you just need to be expressive. eyes are really how you communicate your sexual appetite. basically look at her like you are a lion and she is a gazelle. the other bits are also important , but i think you should emphasize what i mentioned.
I literally lawl'ed
would it be possible for you guys to make a youtube video of this? (I want to see your sexy eyes)
Ahhh the good ole 6 months during a relationship. To me that is the time where you get into fights and question yourselves so its normal. In your case it may just be that its time to let go...I mean seeing her less? What's that accomplish a fresh start? If anything a compatible relationship wouldn't have this problem seems like shes tired of you
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
he makes some really good points, but i think what you really want to emphasize is powerful eye contact during intense fucking. you can make her feel like she is your plaything with only your eyes really. you just need to be expressive. eyes are really how you communicate your sexual appetite. basically look at her like you are a lion and she is a gazelle. the other bits are also important , but i think you should emphasize what i mentioned.
I literally lawl'ed
would it be possible for you guys to make a youtube video of this? (I want to see your sexy eyes)
sorry, highly situational. youd have to catch it on tape, like in a documentary of the Steve Erwin-ish persuasion. ;D + Show Spoiler +
ps:i want to note that i think that what i said before about giving her some space is more important than the part i mentioned about sex, though i think sex is also something that can really help push a relationship forward. (edited for increased goodness)
2. Demonstrate you're trying to become the ideal man you want to be. This just means doing shit you want to and being really happy when you're being the man you want to be, and trying to get what you want when you're not. Be entirely practical and results-based about this.
3. Take away the element of certainty in your relationship & replace it with drama. Have some pseudo-boundaries about meaningless irrational things where if she crosses them, you'll throw a hissy fit. (Like being invited to do stuff - even if you both know you weren't going, get kind of mad when she doesn't invite you. Never thank her for when she does, say no to almost everything, but when she stops throw another hissy fit -- "Why wasn't *I* invited? You're an asshole, you know that?" -- specifically about events you both know you weren't going to do)
I really like Kurtis' post because I think he sums up the "asshole" you need to be for a girl to be attracted to you. It sounds bad to say it that way, but women love drama so the men who keep this feeling in their lives are the ones who experience more success. But it's not just about neglecting her more, it's also about making her feel special. Put another way, she needs you to give her lots to talk about with her girlfriends - both good and bad.
Play her hot and cold. Do your own thing for a few days, but also do nice things for her spontaneously. When she's expecting you to maybe pull the trigger on the break-up, come back with flowers and tell her how much she means to you (since she does, right?). All women want to be desired, but the caveat is they must perceive their SO as an Alpha and that's why neediness is such an unattractive quality in a man. Remember, Alphas do what they want when they want, and even if all you want is to be with her, independence is the road to achieving what your relationship needs.
She needs to accept that this will go away eventually in every relationship, and find something else to replace that feeling so that the relationship can continue.
She needs to accept that this will go away eventually in every relationship, and find something else to replace that feeling so that the relationship can continue.
ROFL I can't believe there's a wiki article for this
On January 02 2013 02:37 CosmicSpiral wrote: OP, the simple fact is that you may have stumbled into a good relationship occurring in a bad space. Every relationship requires a certain balance in order to maintain consistent emotional responses (unlike sports/music/writing practice, there is no clear distinct goal you work towards). Considering that 60 hours a week is the near-equivalent of 9 hours per day, both of you are probably suffering from overexposure. There is little to look forward to and you are dealing with each other's personalities on a daily basis.
You can stop interacting with her at work and do it during your free time, or you can break off the relationship and remain friends. Either option is infinitely preferable to a sexual, intimate relationship that lacks sexuality and intimacy.
Thank you. I appreciate your analysis. Have you or anyone you know spent 9+ hours a day with your significant other and maintained a steady relationship?
People have alone time for a reason, imo. My parents have been married for ~25 years or something and they each have their own activities. My girlfriend and I are long distance, and even personally we don't spend every waking minute texting (although we're somewhat atypical). When we're together (on the weekends we are), we'll spend maybe 2/3 or 4/5 of the days that I'm home together, but still take one day off to hang out with other friends. Overexposure definitely sounds possible to me, coming from a currently strong nearly 2 year relationship.
Essentially, when I get back (I'm in college, she's in her senior year of hs, been long distance since last june), we spend a lot of the time together, but even we still have time for me to see my other friends, even though we've been apart for a while.
On January 05 2013 08:48 KurtistheTurtle wrote: B. Sex This is absolutely huge. You two need to do it, thats the difference between friends & lovers. but when you do have sex she wants to be a woman, and that requires you to be a man. You need to dominate her physically & forcefully, but vastly more importantly, emotionally.
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
this feels like some kind of furry fanfic erotica on deviantart
On January 05 2013 08:48 KurtistheTurtle wrote: B. Sex This is absolutely huge. You two need to do it, thats the difference between friends & lovers. but when you do have sex she wants to be a woman, and that requires you to be a man. You need to dominate her physically & forcefully, but vastly more importantly, emotionally.
really nsfw instructions. but you need to do this, ESPECIALLY if these instructions make you uncomfortable. + Show Spoiler +
What she wants more than anything else is for you to make her your bitch. Get her into the bedroom and do this, a lot, you both want it. Simple as that. Spank her, fuck her, lead through positions, just get horny and get SICK. She's only free when you dominate her & you're getting what you want. Tell her shit like "give yourself to me" "i love spanking your tight little ass" and "you're my dirty little slut. and i know you love it because you're so wet" at the start, tell her, "By the end of tonight, your pussy is gonna be mine" then later when shes real into it & making whatever noise she does say "this isn't your pussy, this is MY pussy" & spank her loudly while fucking her harder. show her you dominate her and that she loves it
if you need a break pin her onto the bed & go down on her, then when you start again do this: go slowly, "tell me you're mine" she'll say it, insist on it if she's shy & go faster after she says it, "tell me you'd give me anything" same as before & faster, "tell me you'd die for me" & when she says this go really hard & say reveal emotionally how much you care about her
probably the most powerful thing is grabbing her head, saying "look into my eyes" and fucking her hard when she does. then when she closes them, stop, tell her again, and reward her again. continue this until your eyes are locked and your face & her pleasure are the only things that exist for her. then after a little bit of that, when you're really feeling the connection, tell her "I'm fucking you so deep I feel like I'm touching your soul"
and *always* light kisses, cuddle & whatever else where you're together after sex for at least 5 mins. more often than not she might cry if somethings been really stressing her, she might just smile and fall asleep in your arms, who knows -- she will be utterly open, utterly yours, and you must show her you're able to hold her & connect to her without judgement and reservation. this is what will make you two lovers.
this feels like some kind of furry fanfic erotica on deviantart
The most important things in my opinion is to change the routine. Once a relationship gets into a routine if spending time on this exact time, going to the cinemas on this day, doing this that day, you are in trouble. Spice things up a bit, make unexpected plans that will blow her mind, or do something romantic.
Relationships are tough, but also I have to mention, if she doesn't want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, maybe it is time that you start considering other options as well. Don't chase, because then you become the b#### in the relationship.
She needs to accept that this will go away eventually in every relationship, and find something else to replace that feeling so that the relationship can continue.
ROFL I can't believe there's a wiki article for this
I know right?! I couldn't believe it lol... and apparently it's an actual, legitimate term or something =D
EPT
