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@marttorn, yeah,theres a difference between knowing someone and wanting to know someone.
Whoever said that being appealing to ones preferred sex is easy though? Sure, one can disguise himself to please another, and the results are presumably bad. That is no reason not to strive for improvement. One can wreck his confidence by not appreciating who he already is, i concede. However, at the other end of the spectrum of effort to improve versus confidence with what one has there is also an issue to discuss.
Someone can also sit around and expect to meet a great person believing that if someone is right to love him then it will happen automatically without effort. That might be true, but if its not? When there are objectively good traits for a mate to strive for, why disempower one's self?
@The naniwa interview... what are we learning? That Naniway is confident enough to be the victim of mocking comments but also not quite confident?? TBH i found hot bid to be a little too mean for no reason. Naniwa was jus chillin
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Azera,
I think the posts saying you're "weird" or "awkward" are totally off-base. You stated at the very beginning of this blog that these are just thoughts going through your head. Not once did you voice many of these ideas to anyone. They seem "weird" because these are things that stay in our head; you're young and learning about how to be attracted to people without weirding them out. You're a smart dude, I think with a little maturity you may even become that guy who knows how to get all the girls, because you know how they think.
The girl on the bus? You're not in "love" with her. You're crushing on her. You throw around the word "love" like you know what it means. I'm only 21, but I've learned a lot about the difference between "love" and a "crush". Crushing is just extreme attraction. She's beautiful, she's apparently really intelligent, and she gave you some looks on a bus. Okay, sure, you're attracted to her and you've got a crush. When you're crushing on someone, you start to fabricate what life might be like if you were with them. Realize that these are fabrications, and are NOT reality.
What I just said might seem obvious. So let me tell you a story that should make you realize how difficult it actually is to keep your fabrications from changing your infatuation with someone. When I was in high school, I was a hockey player. I met these two girls (identical twins) who were hockey players too; they played for the girls team. We hung out quite a bit - football games, bowling, between class, you name it. I danced with three of them at homecoming my sophomore year (yeah, what a pimp right?). I started crushing on one of them. She was pretty, intelligent, and really funny. I started to imagine dating her, and how it might change my relationship with everyone else. I started to believe that I was in love with her, because I spent so much time thinking about events that might happen.
I ended up confessing to one of her friends that I liked her. Biggest mistake ever, because high-school teenage girls are as cruel as they come. They started ignoring my phone calls, leaving whenever I would walk over to talk to them, and eating lunch somewhere else in the cafeteria. I came to a realization: she's not the girl I thought she was. I put her on a pedestal (as someone stated before) and built her up to be this perfect girl that I wanted to date. I never loved her. I never even knew her as more than a friend, and even then, when it came to being seriously in a relationship, I realized she was never the girl I wanted to date.
I've been with my current girlfriend now for almost five years. We've had some bumps in the road (her father was diagnosed with cancer last August), she goes to school in Boston and I'm in Ann Arbor, and at times we argue, and I'm not always kind to her when I'm down or upset. But through thick and thin we've stuck together like glue, and although that bond has been stretched a few times, it has never broken.
I believe that a "crush" is when you build a person in your mind to be exactly how you want them. What you don't do when you're crushing however, is allow yourself to imagine what flaws this person might have. You'll know when you're in love, because your attraction and infatuation with a person does NOT change, no matter the situation. You love and care for that person with all your heart, flaws and problems included.
Don't let yourself (or your mind) trick you into believing you have feelings that you don't have. My dad used to say that feelings are all just chemicals in your head. Those emotions you feel? Its because your brain is releasing a certain amount of chemicals designed to make you feel a certain way. You are bigger than that, stronger than that, smarter than that. Your time will come, just wait for it!
This was really long winded.
TL;DR
+ Show Spoiler +Keep your chin up, don't let yourself build people up when you don't even know them.
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France5805 Posts
On December 01 2012 01:40 Franthier wrote:
The word "love" has been tossed around too lightly. You can't use that word until you have been married for many many years. Sudden development of liking somebody, especially if you are so infatuated with someone, that isn't love. That is lust. I believe love is a life time accumulation of happiness between a couple. A lot of people make that mistake because as soon as they see someone they like, it is "love"...
ROFL
Aside from that comment, you sound a bit creepy OP.
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Chances are, this Austin guy is probably right
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On December 01 2012 03:28 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On December 01 2012 01:49 kidd wrote:
I think you need to hear this: You are a weird and somewhat creepy guy.
Becoming infatuated with the idea of being with a woman and fabricating this idea with the notion that you love them, without even so much as talking to them, is extremely odd.
I think it's ok to be shy, but maybe you want to break out of your conform zone a little bit. Also if you ever meet and talk to Anne, it would probably be a terrible idea to show her this blog. Good luck to you.
TL: DR - if you under 16, then this response probably doesn't apply to you. yeah this is really weird even if you are 16 or so. dont be that guy
Pretty much! Feelings are weird and hard to control, but you've gotta draw the line way earlier than this. Like I just read the snippet about you telling people she is your girlfriend, and that is frightening. The thing with Anne and not talking to her is also way beyond the line. The line is "hey, she's cute. I bet she's nice!" not "I'm going to imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with her for a year and not actually ever talk to her."
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I think most the people calling me weird don't realize that most of this happened when I was 12~13 years-old and that I've already acknowledge that everything I did was pretty stupid.
On December 01 2012 08:05 ktimekiller wrote:
Chances are, this Austin guy is probably right
You can go fuck yourself because clearly you don't know what you're talking about.
On December 01 2012 06:00 marttorn wrote:Show nested quote +On December 01 2012 05:30 meteorskunk wrote:On December 01 2012 04:51 marttorn wrote:On December 01 2012 03:56 meteorskunk wrote:On December 01 2012 03:40 marttorn wrote:
Several passages here are downright disturbing, haha, you're a weird guy az! You really overthink these things, you take extremely minor things for more than they really are, and that part about trying to change yourself so you could be with the person you imagined she was, that was fucked up! This whole blog is written like women are these strange aliens that will kill you if you look at them the wrong way.
5/5 "the whole thing is written like women are these strange aliens." Yeah this is the reality for many men with a romantic personality in this culture i am guessing. Why else am i able to relate so much? Marrthorn what was disturbing? why didn't you say why it is so disturbing if its so disturbing? whats with this whole "its so disturbing you ought to know what you did!" why don't we just fucking tell someone when they "disturb" us? - Trying to change who you are so you can be similar to who you assume someone else is - The vast overthinking that went on - "woo me!" = "i want you to try to woo me" - The weird lying that doesn't even benefit him in any real respect I said that several passages are downright disturbing, I don't think that phrasing necessarily calls for me to give examples, but there you go. Those are a few of the disturbing things, maybe there's more that I can't recall. edit: and it's spelled marttorn, damnit, no h or double r. haha sorry, marttorn, i'm lazy and abnormal. nice to meet you. I know you are not obligated to clarify anything. I just think the purpose of forums is to share and clarify eachother's ideas. Why is trying to change to be someone the person you love would like? Why does changing always imply artificial behaviour? Are you supposed to just sit there and hope someone likes you? No, I don't think so. Albeit, it is kind of, avoiding the whole situation. He never even tried to do anything other than to change himself. IF he had tried to talk to her and he could see himself with her then why not try to make that happen by improving? That's better than doing nothing. I don't find those things weird. Yeah I will admit over thinking is certainly an enemy but, i did not find "disturbing" constructive to someone's well-being. I thought it was a very honest girl blog. I'm a huge girl blog fan though so i might be biased. no, it's the fact that he has no idea what she's really like and just assumed what her personality was at a glance, and then tried to change himself according to that, as opposed to getting to know her and then trying to change in a positive way based off of who she really is. This implies that no one like you as you are, and that to actually appeal to anyone you have to change who you are. Also, I probably wouldn't have been as quick to call it "disturbing" if it were anyone other than Azera; we talk a bit off-TL, so there's no pretense or wall of courtesy between us, I don't think. I say pretty much what I feel like saying to him, and I hope/think he does the same.
Yeah I think that marttorn and I don't have any social obligations to lie to each other.
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Ah, Anne!
Oh dear Anne!
Of course I've read your blogs before and do remember you mentioned the stuff that's here, but it's nice to read it all again.
Unless I've posted this already, think about it this way: it's like playing an RPG. You know your end goal is to defeat the boss, but then every experienced gamer should know not to derp in to the final castle (it's usually not allowed anyway) and meet your ultimate challenge. Instead, you grind... the endless grind. You defeat a bunch of lesser-minions and second-best act bosses to build up EXP. Yes, that something called EXP accumulates and makes you stronger.
After months and years (if you're slow) of grind, you finally ready yourself for the one you wanted from the beginning - the boss. Past experiences made you immune to petty disappointments and turn-downs, so you can withstand the hardships should you encounter them. You still have to play all your cards right to win, but you know what to do now. You deliver the the final line, ...
+ Show Spoiler +(replace all "defeat" with "date" and "the boss" with... "Anne")
+ Show Spoiler +Also just go out there and hit on random girls dammit stop being so tied to this Anne lol
`Then you will let me, Annie?'
There she turn'd,
She rose, and fixt her swimming eyes upon him,
And dwelt a moment on his kindly face,
Then calling down a blessing on his head
Caught at his hand and wrung it passionately,
And past into the little garth beyond.
So lifted up in spirit he moved away.
- excerpt, Enoch Arden, Lord Tennyson
(recommended reading!)
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EPT
