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My friend invites me to a birthday party, and I almost don't go because he usually goes to high school parties, but he insists. It's not a high school party! There's college aged people, yay!
Little did I know that every chick was taken, a lesbian, or guarded by the lesbians. Fuck, I hate that shit. The birthday girl looks like a friend from high school, and that chick has such a great ass and cute face. This girl doesn't have the ass, but a greater personality and a cuter face. Her boyfriend is with her, and I don't like being a homewrecker. I still gaver her my number, anyhow.
The next chick is my friend's "friend". He's actually trying to get with her, having not succeeded in getting a high schooler just a couple days ago. He's so desperate, it's pathetic. She's a hardcore slut and reveals it (never have I ever) after he gets kicked out for trying to fuck her in the hostess's bedroom. She's drunk, so that's an easy pass for her, but everyone is telling me how they think he's an actual retard. I can see what they mean, but he's just goofy. This chick that he tried to fuck kept staring me down all night and would stare more so when she was hugging up on him. She tried talking to me but the fucking lesbian guards came in. FUCK. She's the hottest one there, and I don't give a fuck if she's a slut. I'm drunk!
The lesbian guard, the champion, the hostess, is a black chick with a rather cute face. For some reason, I get the feeling that getting dicked is a fantasy of hers. She plays skyrim, so I talk shit about how it's just teaching her how to go from the hood to stealing jewerly, and she starts hugging up on me. As soon as she starts getting frisky, the same lesbian guard from the second chick comes around and tries to get herself some pussy. I would've tried for a threesome, but this bitch was ugly. Would've been my first black chick, at least. Every time, something goes wrong.
tl,dr; I'm drunk and I didn't get lesbian pussy tonight.
  
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drunk you are indeed.. yes.
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Zurich15358 Posts
| What happened in reality | - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - | Your story |
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That sucks that you can't score chicks, man, and it's totally lesbians' fault. This is kinda like this problem I have where I can never seem to take personal responsibility for my own failures. And you know whose fault it is? Obama's.
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On September 09 2012 19:12 zatic wrote:
| What happened in reality | - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - | Your story |
lol
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Wow, that cognitive dissonance.
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On September 09 2012 19:12 zatic wrote:
| What happened in reality | - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - | Your story |
but where is the OPs story on this line?!?!?!!?!?!!? A crucial bar is missing!
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On September 09 2012 18:44 DigiGnar wrote:
Her boyfriend is with her, and I don't like being a homewrecker. I still gaver her my number, anyhow.
Reminds me of the classic 'I'm not a racist but...'
On September 09 2012 18:44 DigiGnar wrote:
He's so desperate, it's pathetic.
Irony overwhelming!
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Katowice25012 Posts
What the fuck does hugging up mean?
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On September 09 2012 21:14 heyoka wrote:
What the fuck does hugging up mean?
coming within 5 feet of the OP
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On September 09 2012 20:28 Angel_ wrote:Show nested quote +On September 09 2012 19:12 zatic wrote:
| What happened in reality | - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - | Your story | but where is the OPs story on this line?!?!?!!?!?!!? A crucial bar is missing!
What
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If you're just there for pussy, the so called "lesbian guard" did those girls a favor by cock-blocking you.
Then again zatic has a point.
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Belgium8305 Posts
*tries to say hello to cute girl winking in corner* *a defensive row of lesbian guards instantly blocks my path*
*attempts to turn around to talk to my buddy* *blocky lesbians cross their arms and sternly shake their heads at me*
*makes way to bathroom to have a pee* *lesbian guards on either side of doorway cross their lances to deny me access*
*tries to back up a bit* *immediately feel spears of lesbian guards pricking me in the back*
*collapses in fetal position, peeing myself, beset at all sides by phalanx of lesbian guards* aughhhhh
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On September 09 2012 19:12 zatic wrote:
| What happened in reality | - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - | Your story |
I was thinking the same thing. Cock blocking is very real though, unfortunately for him he doesn't know how to deal with it yet.
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It's possible they blocked you because the girl had a bf, and they didn't want her to cheat on someone, or they knew the girl was easy so they didn't want her to regret it in the morning.
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Maybe OP can give us a more factual recount after he get over his hangover in the morning.
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Real or not, the story (and Zatic's post) still entertained me  .
I'll assume it is real but with some heavy exaggerations. That's quite some party you went to.
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So in short, you were having some of your buddies over and while you were watching some lesbian porn you fell asleep after your second beer, had some weird dreams and now think you got cock blocked by all those evil lesbians as you tried to dig in deep in that black girl, when in fact this was just a metaphor for the chocolate cake your mom made you for your birthday the day before.
Great story, I love it :-D
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I don't drink much, but when I do
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/EyJMA.jpg)
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Dem lesbians. Half want to be in ya pants and the other half are sworn to stop it happening. Standard.
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And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling lesbians!
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Sounds like they had good reason to keep you from any of the girls at the party.
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On September 10 2012 02:42 Tamburlaine wrote:
And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling lesbians!
Spit out some of my mountain dew, thanks you jerk! :p
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On September 10 2012 02:42 Tamburlaine wrote:
And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling lesbians!
10/5
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On September 09 2012 22:28 vGl-CoW wrote:
*tries to say hello to cute girl winking in corner* *a defensive row of lesbian guards instantly blocks my path*
*attempts to turn around to talk to my buddy* *blocky lesbians cross their arms and sternly shake their heads at me*
*makes way to bathroom to have a pee* *lesbian guards on either side of doorway cross their lances to deny me access*
*tries to back up a bit* *immediately feel spears of lesbian guards pricking me in the back*
*collapses in fetal position, peeing myself, beset at all sides by phalanx of lesbian guards* aughhhhh
a phalanx of lesbian guards is the best mental image
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On September 10 2012 02:42 Tamburlaine wrote:
And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling lesbians!
Thread redeemed!
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Holy fuck, I can't believe I didn't know about this subforum for the first 3 years of my time here. With stories like this and StateofReverie's I missed out on so much entertainment haha.
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If she blinks she wants the D.
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Her boyfriend is with her, and I don't like being a homewrecker. I still gaver her my number, anyhow.
I lol'd
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I liked the part where you were talking about the black lesbian chick with the cute face that plays skyrim.
And the fact that you thought she was from the hood, when she might live in an upper middle class household in the suburbs.
Ah stereotypes.
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Romania1275 Posts
Lesbian, always the lesbian guard
Also the economic crisi, the president and ( as previously mentioned ) the Canadians fault.
Thos are clearly the reasons you didn't get laid, yeap, as obvious as the light of day.
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On September 15 2012 04:56 EffervescentAureola wrote:
I liked the part where you were talking about the black lesbian chick with the cute face that plays skyrim.
And the fact that you thought she was from the hood, when she might live in an upper middle class household in the suburbs.
Ah stereotypes.
I was drunk while typing that up, so I didn't realize I didn't type up that she had a skyrim bible that I was reading out of. Then again, in the game, you can go around robbing people, right?
But I guess if you guys fuck lesbians all the time, why not share your secrets? How do you prevent a lesbian from stealing your kill? Should I consult with Obama, who didn't actually fuck up the economy?
Then again, I care.
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if you're being cockblocked by lesbians, then turn the game around. start picking up guys, and cockblock (twat swat) the girls right back. that oughta show em.
and it's win-win. even if it doesn't go perfectly and you don't get your first black chick, you might just get your first black guy.
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EPT
