I think there's no general advice people can give. What is good advice for one person could make things worse for another. I would have to really know you to feel confident in advice I give you. Regardless, people can give you ideas here and hopefully you'll have the wits to know what might work for you.
I've found the biggest issue in many of life's problems (depression and others) is in not believing you have any control or hope. The word 'disease' is incredibly counter-productive. It makes it sound like something your body just does, it connotates it with overwhelming death sentences like cancer, but it is really not the same thing at all even if it is classified as one by professional documentation.
You have to believe you can be happy, recognize when you're making mountains out of mole hills, and let things go more easily. You mention your friend dying then you were 9 years old. You're 26 years old now. That was 17 years ago, and you're saying it's haunted you every day since. You are being melodramatic, you don't owe that to her and you don't have to feel bad every day of your life for her. You're feeding and hanging onto those feelings, I would suspect out of another problem. You end up using her death as a scapegoat for your problems today, but that's neither fair to her nor rational.
If I had to guess, I'd say you've had patterns of negative-feeling-enhancing behaviour which you've spent the last 17 years developing, and it would help if you tried to figure out exactly what they are, then change them into something that will affect you positively. Your life doesn't have to be a dumb television drama where you never get over anything with no resolution, you can be a real person and recover.
If you are intellectual and think a lot, don't go for simple answers. Think about why you actually do the things you do. Be honest with yourself and sort out what your reasons are for hanging onto these emotions.
My dad died when I was 10, I didnt feel too bad until I was 17-18 when I started to realize how much pain I had inside.. I went really low for 1-2 years but then I woke up one day and decided to start changing my life, restarted my studies got a job started to work out and tried to meet new people.. so as many people said dude just do things for you and think positive, I say to myself that life is as good as you want it to be.
For the longest time I haven't been coping.. just sort of taking it and bottling it up and I finally talked to my family about it which I both regret and don't. I regret it because of how vulnerable and icky it made me feel -_- since opening up is really foreign to me. I feel a tad more relaxed but far from better.
I've yet to get myself a shrink but I plan to do so and hopefully it'll help me out but I'm glad I'm eat least trying to get help. I hope you get well as time goes by OP :D:D
I've dealt with depression(s) before, to make a very long story really short I lost 2 brothers, 1 sister, my dad left us when I was about 8 years old which has put us in a tough financial spot for a very long time though him leaving meant I/we didn't have to go through the daily physical abuse from him, went face first through the window when I was about 6-7, I've lost my own kid, the girlfriend took off afterwards..
Was born with diabetes, astigmatism on my eyes, have a tumor (though it's harmless) in my left knee which makes it hard to walk decently at times with my left leg.. Removing the tumor would also mean removing my whole knee which I don't consider an option. My dream has always been about going in the army, I was immediatly refused due to my diabetes...
Gave up on school for about 1.5 years after the incident of my gf getting pregnant (we were both very young and she got pregnant because we were just being reckless), tho now I do have my diploma at least, looking to get into uni in september even tho I'm 20 by now. Got news about a possible new breakthrough to get cured from diabetes completely even tho it's still like.. in the alpha stage so to speak but if all goes well, I might actually be able to get in the army after all, the whole procedure takes about 6 weeks to get cured.. (if all goes accordingly that is)
All in all, I've had a very tough life so far and I have been in a depression, my mom's been in a depression.. My views upon the world and life are anything but.. normal, I would say. But at the end, quitting or giving up isn't something I'm really familiar with and that alone is what keeps me going so..
Tried 2 other relationships after I lost my kid.. It didn't work out, then the one whom I lost my kid with showed up again but she turned out to be a slut, nothing more nothing less, has cheated on me for years, has cheated on her boyfriend she was with after we went our own separate ways.. so yeah, for now I'm like.. I don't need a gf, they only get in my way and if the medical stuff regarding diabetes works out then I'm off to the army no doubt. Living a standard, normal life isn't my thing.
I've never even thought about taking anti depressives and all that.. I think I just keep on going through sheer will power and sometimes I do feel like I'm still a bit more towards the depressive side but.. I don't allow myself to get that deep ever again.
The biggest advice I can give you is just to think positive about everything/anything or at least try to see the positive side of things.. I know that's a hard thing to do if you've been through some hardships in life but.. Giving up won't get you anywhere either.
On April 21 2012 03:08 Firereaver wrote: Lol. youre leaning towards toward Neuro and you have depressive affect!! BRO!! ONE PIECE OF ADVICE FROM A DOC TO ANOTHER: + Show Spoiler +
STEER CLEAR OF NEUROLOGY!
Are you a doc in India? MBBS? What specialty would you recommend?
Mhhh, I am manic-depressiv. In the lunatic asylum one doc actually suggested some form of treatment that gets me through the worst depressiv episodes - sleep deprivation. I just try to stay awake for 2 or 3 days and then I somehow feel better.
Exercise, diet and sunlight exposure are supposed to be the big 3 things most people need to improve but of course there is a good chance that won't "cure" it just make you feel better to some degree. Along with those getting professional help is the best thing you can do, even if it's just seeing a psychiatrist to have someone you know you can talk to in confidence.
This is actually the best advice that I've read in this thread. The biggest thing about depression is its cyclic nature, and the fact that it feeds itself.
The other advice that I have (that worked for me) is to take small steps. Do one thing each day that you can be proud of. Run one mile one day, and make sure you do it every day. Consistency of a fitness plan was the biggest thing that helped me.
Exercise, other than the "runner's high", kicks the production of BDNF (Brain Derived Neural Factor) into high gear. BDNF is highly linked with mood now, like serotonin used to be in the past. It also helps you gain confidence in yourself, and makes it easier to look in the mirror and like what you're looking at.
Diet can affect mood as well. Eating healthier has obvious physical mood effects, but sometimes, if a diet's unhealthy enough, it really throws the hormonal balance into whack. This is one of the things that can only help your situation.
Sunlight exposure increases Vitamin D, but another side effect of it is that you're going outside. You're seeing other people. You're forced into a situation where you're not isolating yourself.
Have you ever dealt with depression, fellow TL users? How have you coped with it? What are your experiences on the matter? -------------------------------------
It's almost 5 in the morning, so I think this is going to be one of those posts.
I don't have clinical depression. I have PTSD. Depression is one of several symptoms of PTSD; it's part of what makes diagnosing it in young adults and children difficult. You look and act like a depressed kid with standard kid clinical depression, so it's depression, or some other mood disorder, but then there's paranoia and a lot of other things so they bounce around with diagnosis until it comes out, "oh you were sexually abused for a while when you were really little...oh. You have PTSD. Everything makes sense."
I tried dealing with the depression (and other things) by fighting it. By arguing with it; with myself, arguing in my head, screaming at myself. It does not work. I tried to deal with the symptoms as a way of fixing it, because I couldn't figure out how to "fix" me. It's important to do, but it's a temporary fix. It's important to know how to cope. To distract yourself with things, to find friends to hang out with, to color. Coloring is silly, but it distracts you. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just sink into something and distract yourself with it. Again, it's not going to FIX it, but part of coping is knowing how to deal with situations when they happen, not just fixing the issue as a whole.
Everything is a tool in the end. Therapy, medication, different habits, different diet, different schedules. They're all tools. They're tools that you have to accept needing to use when you can't fix things by yourself. And they're tools that can't help you; you use the tools to help yourself. A lot of people go to therapy expecting that their therapist is just going to fix them or make them better or a better or different person; it's silly. You fix you. A big part of it is really wanting to get better and change, and being willing to do whatever that means. For a lot of time I thought that's what I wanted. To get better, to be normal, to be happy. I would scream it. If you walked up to me and told me I just didn't want it really I probably would have screamed at you, or hit you.
I didn't though, at the time. Really what I wanted was for it to stop. I didn't care about myself and I didn't care if I got better; I wasn't loved and I didn't have a reason or purpose for existing. I was dirty. I still am dirty. It wasn't until I was ready to want to get better until any of the tools at my disposal could achieve that goal. That to me is the biggest part of getting better. Knowing yourself and what you really want. Granted, again, PTSD is not depression; depression is just one of the symptoms of PTSD and they are different, even if there is overlap. I believe it is a critical part of any problem though.
--
As far as tools go:
For coping: In short, do whatever you need to to feels safe. part of depression can involve sinking yourself into a hole you don't want to come out of; but again, sometimes that hole might be the best place to be. It's up to you knowing yourself to know when you need to stay there, and when you WANT to stay there, but really need to get the fuck out and fight it (which is difficult to know). As a list though: -Color -Find a hobby -Paint -Draw -Listen to Music -Play with rice (like. fucking uncooked rice) -Legos -Erector Sets -Doodle -Watch a movie or TV -Call someone -Make silly blogs -Make Cooking or Instructional blogs -Bake something -Play with something cold -Take a bath -Take a shower -Sit in a pool -Stretch/Stretching Exercises (slow/rhythmic) -Read -All for the purpose of just distracting your senses. You're redirecting your brain through your five senses.
On Therapy: The most important thing above wanting to go in the first place is knowing WHY you want to go. What is your goal, what are you trying to achieve, and WHY are you trying to achieve it. In terms of finding a therapist, you should see: -Whatever gender you're more comfortable with (it matters) -Someone who you feel like you can trust talking to (may take a while to see either way) -Someone you're comfortable around -Someone who you feel can be honest with you (you aren't there to always be babied, though you aren't there to get your shit kicked in every day either probably) And if they don't meet those things...go find someone else.
On Diet, sleep, and exercise: Diet sleep and exercise are vital to being healthy. And if you aren't healthy your brain isnt going to be healthy either. And! For funsies, if you're missing one of the three things of that triangle, the other two are going to get fucked up too. -Im not going to go into "what" to eat, but I'm going to say you need to eat regularly. Whatever regularly is for you. In general snacking irregularly is bad. In general Eating one meal a day is terrible. In general you don't want to go from eating at three in the morning and then noon to eating at 5am then 12pm then 5pm then the next day going crazy. whatever you do, make it your pattern. -Regular sleep is important. Being awake during the day is better for your brain than being awake all night. I don't care if you're a night owl or a nocturnal person. no people are actually nocturnal. Humans arent. you're brain is healthier being awake during the day and asleep during the night. Again, regular schedule. You go to sleep basically at the same time every night and wake up at basically the same time every day. Sleeping too little, or too much, or not at all, are terrible. -Exercise is important. Endorphins are wonderful. Having a nice body is good for your self esteem. Beyond the obvious, as much as it might suck balls to start exercising or do any kind of physical activity for leisure, you actually get used to it pretty quickly and your body begins expecting it. It becomes a habit that you enjoy doing, which beyond the exercise itself, is also good for your head.
On medication: I hate medication. I hated taking it. I hated everything about it. As soon as I didn't feel I absolutely needed it anymore I stopped taking it. But that's the important part. When you need it you need it. It's just like a headache, or a broken arm, or a cold. Something is wrong with your head, and you need to take something to make it better. There's no use in stubbornness or pride and "I'm going to make myself better and I don't need any damn pills!" If you think it's a placebo you think it's a placebo. Great. take your damn medicine. If you dont think it works talk to whoever prescribed it to you. If you flat don't want to take it in the end or dont think you need it...then just don't. It's that simple. But if you get prescribed it, take it. And when you decide that you're better, until you're actual psychiatrist tells you otherwise, KEEP TAKING IT.
Coping habits, triangle, medicine, therapy...I think I covered everything? Yes. I think so. Oh! It's part of coping, but, remember to talk to people when you need to, and in general. Whether it be a form of coping or just in general. People are social. Communicating is important for everyone. Babies die when they don't get enough human contact. It's why hospitals have volunteers to come in and literally hold babies for a few hours when they're abandoned. Children and young adults and adults period aren't actually any different.
I cannot recommend Ajahn Brahm enough. He is a buddhist monk. He has helped me overcome serious medical depression. You can find about three hundred of his talks online. Just watch and listen. I hope it helps.
Through overcoming depression I am feel lucky to have had it. Through the journey you can end up better knowing yourself.
On April 21 2012 09:38 HaRuHi wrote: Mhhh, I am manic-depressiv. In the lunatic asylum one doc actually suggested some form of treatment that gets me through the worst depressiv episodes - sleep deprivation. I just try to stay awake for 2 or 3 days and then I somehow feel better.
o_O is this actually something doctors recommend? that just sounds so weird that sleep deprivation actually helps in anything
On April 21 2012 09:38 HaRuHi wrote: Mhhh, I am manic-depressiv. In the lunatic asylum one doc actually suggested some form of treatment that gets me through the worst depressiv episodes - sleep deprivation. I just try to stay awake for 2 or 3 days and then I somehow feel better.
o_O is this actually something doctors recommend? that just sounds so weird that sleep deprivation actually helps in anything
Actually I've tried something similar and it really helped = sleeping each day maximum 5h. After awhile you become delirious, which will help you. No negative thoughts or emotions, they will only last a short time because of the delerium.
Sleep deprivation actually helps against a lot of mental things. iirc the theory behind it is that the brain gets focussed on the important things with less sleep. I'm not even sure if there are a lot of solid studies on this, but what I can say for me personally is that cleaning up my sleeping habits (not in WHEN but in HOW MUCH) has boosted my mood ever since.
And to the dude one above... Ajahn Brahm is actually REALLY awesome. One of his books is the single book that I literally gifted to everyone I know. You can find the english version here. (German title is "Die Kuh die weinte".)
It's probably not going to help you in the middle of a tough episode, but besides that it's a great read. Checking out the link above now. =)
Edit: To the poster above: Sleep deprivation and "cleaning up" your sleep time are two different things. For the first the goal is to actually BE sleepy during a tough episode. That's why it's especially a great tool if you're suffering from manic depression. If your depressive episodes only last a few days you can decide to sleep a lot less and push yourself through them that way. It's a short-term fix usually, not a long term.
"Cleaning up" your sleep schedule is aimed to be a longterm fix and means dealing with general hygiene in that subject. -How much sleep do I really need? (for most people the answer here is 2x2-4h, but you have to find out how big the latter number is for you personally) -If left untouched, do I have any weird things in my sleeping schedule that I should be aware of?
As an example what I did when it comes to that was trying out how I feel if I set my alarm clock to 2h,2.5h,3h,3.5h and see how I feel afterwards. Once you have a number that sounds good you test it some to verify and to learn how to include the time you need to fall asleep. As soon as you are suffering from a bit of sleep deprivation those numbers tend to stay really accurate. For me, what i found out in the long run 2:45h is absolutely perfect.
What I mean with "weird things in your sleeping schedule" use some free time (no, not in a depressive episode k thx), and sleep whenever you feel sleepy. Literally. While for most people they're going to be sleepy around 9-1 and wake up around 5-9, for some people this is different. Taking myself as an example, if I have no daily obligations my sleepschedule "pushes forward" about 2 hours per day. Each day I'd fall asleep later and wake up later. Apparently there are people for who their schedule "pushes backward" as well.
Once you are aware of that, you can combine it with the above to really clean up your sleeping habits and set alarm clocks accordingly. For me it removed any and all situations where I'm like "Urgh... have to... get up.... can't... so sleepy...." simply because I'm not interrupting my RAM-phases anymore by accident.
I used a program called "sleep scheduler" where I could input all the date where I sleep from when to when to keep it tidy and accurate, but I can't seem to find that exact program anymore. I'm sure there are more like it out there though.
Hello ,I have actualy registered on TL now after months of lurking after seeing this blogpost. I really dont know is it depression I suffer from but there are only periods(like right just now) when I feel fine ,I would often say to myself that my mind is free now. The reason for that(me feeling fine) is because a person I cherish for has visited me... That feeling will go away in the morning and the feeling that I did not acomplish anything in life and that I see aps. NO point in living will come once again. Everything I do ,I just cannot get any form of happines from it ,I do not feel satisfied at all ,not after passing hardest exams ,not after helping others ,not after knowing that I was aps. moral today ,nothing helps me. I have tried alcohol ,but it last for such a short time ,weed in this kind of mood is not helping either. I will say also that this mindset has following me for 3 years now ,constantly reminding me how hollow I feel. I have even ,now freaquently ,thought about suicide and I really want to get out! I have tried reading ,music ,art ,weight-lifting and they have all worked for a short period of time and after a while it all drains away. Can anyone recommend any form of medicine or something that helped you?! Thank you for your time.
@Exedra: Together with a doctor, you will go through a number of different medication until you find something that works for you. Weed, sports, meditation, therapy, etc. are not comparable in that regard, at least it was like that for me, and I felt exactly like you describe your situation, and I also had this for years. Things like running did only start to help after finding medication that solved that problem of not being able to derive happiness from anything.
I really think it's all up to you different things work for different people. Every single person in my immediate family has suffered from depression and each of us deal with it in completely different ways.
Easiest way to deal with depression is to kill yourself. I kill myself a little bit more each day. Waiting for the spring of rebirth to come again into my existence.
EPT
