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story time 9

Blogs > intrigue
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intrigue
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-04-19 20:20:03
March 29 2012 17:42 GMT
#1
9
i saw the stupidest snake yesterday. it was googly and cross eyed lol. i don’t think female snakes actively select for intelligence though, so it’s okay. the efficacy of wearing glasses for aesthetic appeal amongst serpents is probably not high (enough) - that is why we don’t see 4eyed nerd snakes. he came on our boat with most gleeful innocent happiness and kept yapping about how wonderful everything is. i wish i was stupider.

i can’t sleep because haploid won’t stop singing that have a good night’s sleep on us, mattress discounters! song. i tell him he’s an idiot but he says he has glasses and can see all the things. wasn’t i just talking about glasses? weird coincidence. well haploid you don’t have to sing at night, you have all day to sing but you don’t sing then you only sing when i’m trying to sleep.

“i’m just a product of my environment, you know?” he says, delightfully quivering in his stretch. cats are so fucking full of themselves. haploid yawns and is asleep within a few minutes. why that little punk. i wanna just stick duct tape all over him and make flip out.

that mattress discounters jingle writer must have made so much money. people know his work too. it’s like how fortune cookie writers have huge audiences even though they aren’t very famous. i really want to write jingles. best job ever?

update on our pirate ship status: this thing is huge and since there’s so few of us we each have mansion-sized living quarters with gardens and stuff. it’s so nice wow. the stupid snake lives in my apple tree and is obsessed with apples and keeps telling people to eat apples to keep doctors away. but the evidence for that is purely anecdotal. steve ponker never lets us eat apples because then he’s liable if anyone gets sick.

well now i’m walking up on stage to do my comedy central special, and i can’t really remember how i got here. nice crowd though, too. fiji water in a bottle. too classy a venue for dasani. this microphone is pretty heavy. i sniff but it gets amplified and i’m annoyed. motivational thought of the day: just the fact that you’re alive and don’t regularly suffer unimaginable pain means that you haven’t (yet) squandered your relatively fortunate placing in the birth lottery. it’s callous to say but it’s almost a downright luxury to have the worst experience in your life be suicidal depression. makes me feel better about everything i have.

hmmm that depression bit didn’t go over with the crowd to well. lots of sad animals turn to comedy for relief. thinking out loud during a show can be dangerous! back to jokes. fish and dam. mole asses = molasses. a bit heavy on the puns... at the end i try this new bit where i advertise our boat during the show and people laugh because they think it’s funny that a comedian is abusing his position to advertise during a show. it’s so easy it’s almost cheap, to make people laugh and like you when you do whatever you want.

on the walk home the length of my steps was more variable than usual and i couldn’t really figure out why. trying to make them equal becomes an obsession, to have every third step be on a crack. when i arrive at the campsite, the Ark is on fire.

no, not fire. it’s... lanterns? and fluorescents and disco balls and torches? what is this crowd on our boat? there is a group of gray gorillas setting up a grill in my garage. turtles trundling, birds blapping, fish fubbling in a 20 story tall crystal tank installed into the shit itself. so many species. haploid is there admist it all with a tophat, directing animals with luggage cases to their makeshift rooms.

did they all decide to join us??? wow i am really good at marketing. hmm i feel a slight regret because now i only have my room to myself but really, that's all i need. lying on my bed that night, my eyes get a little blurry and i am hit by a windshield of happiness as i realize all the cuteness around me. and haploid is on the other side of the glass, having reaching splat speed by himself from inside this automobile of fuck. and we’re looking at each other, silently yelling and screaming in amazedness, arms all flailing about. so many friends!!
the festivities continued for a few more days. straggler animals came every now and then.

it started raining today and steve ponker says it’ll be for over a month. he looks stressed and upset since he has been leading this franchise since the beginning but management is a bitch. bad Q4 postings. for the first time i feel sorry for him, he just gets told what to do and harassed all the time when he has no real control over this planet!!!! it’s like he doesn’t even exist.

****
Moderatorhttps://soundcloud.com/castlesmusic/sets/oak
vGl-CoW
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Belgium8305 Posts
March 29 2012 17:47 GMT
#2
thanks, intrigue. thank you for all these words
Moderatorfollow me on twitter if u think ur so tough @BooyaCow
OmniEulogy
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
Canada6592 Posts
March 29 2012 17:50 GMT
#3
I guess I somehow missed a few of these... I'm still very confused.
LiquidDota Staff
Torenhire
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States11681 Posts
March 29 2012 17:52 GMT
#4
On March 30 2012 02:50 OmniEulogy wrote:
I'm still very confused.


Standard after an intrigue post these days hahaha.
SirJolt: Well maybe if you weren't so big and stupid, it wouldn't have hit you.
SpiritoftheTunA
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States20903 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-29 18:04:07
March 29 2012 17:58 GMT
#5
you should submit this to new yorker shouts and murmurs

best section of best magazine

http://www.newyorker.com/search?rubricText=shouts murmurs&sort=publishdate desc, score desc

IM USING YOUR INDIE BLOG TO ADVERTISE A WELL CIRCULATED PUBLICATION HOW BOUT THAT BITCH
posting on liquid sites in current year
Liquid`Sheth
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States2095 Posts
March 29 2012 18:00 GMT
#6
On March 30 2012 02:52 Torenhire wrote:
Show nested quote +
On March 30 2012 02:50 OmniEulogy wrote:
I'm still very confused.


Standard after an intrigue post these days hahaha.


Nono, that makes complete sense. Btw did you know Intrigue cat is from Trigun? TIL!
Team LiquidUnderneath it all they were really quite nice. They just got screwed up. Mostly by stuff that wasn't entirely their fault.
SpiritoftheTunA
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States20903 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-29 18:01:13
March 29 2012 18:00 GMT
#7
its from flcl you troll

http://www.amazon.com/FLCL-Fooly-Cooly-Takkun-Black/dp/B000I499N2
posting on liquid sites in current year
Liquid`Sheth
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States2095 Posts
March 29 2012 18:02 GMT
#8
Dont try and lie SpiritTuna!

http://www.animegalleries.net/img/48853
Team LiquidUnderneath it all they were really quite nice. They just got screwed up. Mostly by stuff that wasn't entirely their fault.
SpiritoftheTunA
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States20903 Posts
March 29 2012 18:06 GMT
#9
man why cant i report you for trolling fml special treatment for liquid`
posting on liquid sites in current year
Hittegods
Profile Joined April 2007
Stockholm4641 Posts
March 29 2012 18:26 GMT
#10
On March 30 2012 02:42 intrigue wrote:
9
i saw the stupidest snake yesterday. it was googly and cross eyed lol. i don’t think female snakes actively select for intelligence though, so it’s okay. the efficacy of wearing glasses for aesthetic appeal amongst serpents is probably not high (enough) - that is why we don’t see 4eyed nerd snakes. he came on our boat with most gleeful innocent happiness and kept yapping about how wonderful everything is. i wish i was stupider.


Oh please! Ever heard of the fucking king of snakes?
[image loading]
This neo violence, pure self defiance
Qwyn
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States2779 Posts
March 29 2012 18:34 GMT
#11
What. The. Hell. That was awesome.

SO. I SAW THE STUPIDEST SNAKE YESTERDAY. IT WAS...wait for it....GOOGLY AND CROSS EYED.

LOL.

That has to be the best intro to a blog I have read in quite some time.To go from serious to this makes it that much better.
"Think of the hysteria following the realization that they consciously consume babies and raise the dead people from their graves" - N0
Liquid`Sheth
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States2095 Posts
March 29 2012 18:35 GMT
#12
Intrigue tell Tuna that your cat is from Trigun please.
Team LiquidUnderneath it all they were really quite nice. They just got screwed up. Mostly by stuff that wasn't entirely their fault.
intrigue
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
March 29 2012 18:46 GMT
#13
nope
Moderatorhttps://soundcloud.com/castlesmusic/sets/oak
Blazinghand *
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States25552 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-03-29 18:47:07
March 29 2012 18:46 GMT
#14
What... what is this. This is like a long squiggle drawn all across a large sheet of paper, never lifting the pencil.

But in blog form.

also: 5/5 would read again
When you stare into the iCCup, the iCCup stares back.
TL+ Member
Antimatterz
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
United States1010 Posts
March 29 2012 18:55 GMT
#15
Da fuck

5/5
"HotBid [11:45 AM]: i dunno i kinda like the big muta shooting smaller mutas out"
SpiritoftheTunA
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States20903 Posts
March 29 2012 18:57 GMT
#16
the cat is clearly derived from rei ayanami
posting on liquid sites in current year
docvoc
Profile Blog Joined July 2011
United States5491 Posts
March 29 2012 19:09 GMT
#17
Intrigue, y u so gosu x 2>>>> first you make music and blogs and now you have an intriguing icon?
User was warned for too many mimes.
Deleted User 135096
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3624 Posts
March 29 2012 19:19 GMT
#18
uhh....I feel like a disembodied consciousness jumping from place to place while reading this.
Administrator
Jealous
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
10164 Posts
March 29 2012 19:26 GMT
#19
User name + blog = perfect combo
"The right to vote is only the oar of the slaveship, I wanna be free." -- бум бум сучка!
EtherealDeath
Profile Blog Joined July 2007
United States8366 Posts
March 29 2012 19:31 GMT
#20
Intrigue so cute when high.
Jealous
Profile Blog Joined December 2011
10164 Posts
March 29 2012 19:32 GMT
#21
On March 30 2012 04:31 EtherealDeath wrote:
Intrigue so cute when high.

Seen it live, can attest and confirm.
"The right to vote is only the oar of the slaveship, I wanna be free." -- бум бум сучка!
lwwkicker
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United States140 Posts
March 29 2012 21:10 GMT
#22
Mind. Blown.

5/5
Always here to help.
intrigue
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Washington, D.C9934 Posts
March 29 2012 21:29 GMT
#23
heeeheeheheheheehhehehe
Moderatorhttps://soundcloud.com/castlesmusic/sets/oak
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