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Hey Team,
So I don't know how to explain this but I guess I am going to start typing.
So, a while back I posted how I had met this amazing girl and everything was going awesome. So things started going down hill shortly after. Don't know what caused this to happen, but I tried to ask out the girl to be my girl friend and everything. Well she turns it down, because well lets face it. I am a fat Geek. Please note, I am not HUGE, just a big guy I am 6'4" 350 pounds. So anyway she said she can't date me because of this. I was pretty pissed but, F it, I turned to team liquid and they gave me advice. I have been working out every day at least running and then lifting every other day. After me asking her out and getting turned down, I have avoided her like the plague, didn't speak to her and just forgot about her. Was working well. . . . .Till today.
So, last night I had a dream that was weird, It was me and her in a relationship at times x10000 speed. Just random points from weeding, to a trip, to a family, to a fight, to the us laughing later. Well I was going to take this as just a weird dream. Well today, I run into her. All that happened was we past in the hall (we work at the same place). She smiled at me, I died inside. Like it bugged me the whole day. Couldn't get it out of my mind. Tonight we talked for the first time in a week. And basically said we would go our separate ways. She is thinking about moving 1000 miles away, and I am stuck in the rut that I was before, but I don't want to be. I don't know what to do. I don't want to chase after her because its just going to be a one sided relationship where I am the only one that wants it to work. But I don't want her to go.
Anyone have any advice?
Thanks Liquid for listening to me bitch. <3
Update 3/12/12 - She removed me from Facebook, with no warning or note, I know its not that big of a deal but I thought we could a least be friends. . . . . WTF?!?!?!?
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You'll meet someone else. Chasing someone for a relationship that doesn't even currently exist would be incredibly rash, and I think you know that. Of course you don't want her to go, but these things happen.
Why do you say you're stuck in the rut you were before? It sounds to me like she motivated you to try and get in shape. That's great. Continue doing that, and just remember her as someone who motivated you to better yourself.
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There will be other girls
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What the hell, if you've been working out etc. you should already be way higher on the "feel good about yourself" scale. Get in decent shape and all the pussy can be yours.
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keep with the working out, tell her not to move because of you [ensure it's not because of you], and forget about her for the time being, either find someone else or chase another part of your life that needs 'fixing'.
once you're thin, bump into her, if she'll consider you then, either a) reject her and feel good that it was that way around [given opportunity], or b) 'keep it as ammunition' to make her stay in shape. If you're a really good guy you could c) go out with her and forget about it.
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yeh it's tough, but as other people have said there will be more girls.
my advice is; yes it's freaking hard, but just keep doing stuff you enjoy even if you don't feel like doing them. keep working out as it releases tension and in general is good for your mental as well as physical health. talk to your friends but don't do it too much or they will get tired of you lol. eventually there will be a day when you realize you haven't thought about her in a long time.
this stuff is always hard but it's get easier every time it happens, which still is kinda shit, but yeah there you have it. it will always feel like the end of the world and that there is noone else for you but there always is, sooner or later.
edit - if you feel that you can stay in touch with her, kudos, do it, just make sure you're not hurting yourself. basically if you try really hard to not think about her, that won't work since doing that is actually thinking about her. focus on other stuff instead and if she pops up, note it and let it pass, or you could write it down and then go do something else. generally it's easier to be objective about stuff if you're writing.
personally i wouldn't really read into dreams that much, as in; I don't think you dreamt the future. it's basically your brain going over events and thoughts and trying to sort them out. you probably thought about this girl during the week/day/before you went to bed and she made it into your dreams. you can actually learn how to control your dreams if you practice it
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Do it with style:
Poison her cat and spout bullshit about her on Facebook!
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Bisutopia19250 Posts
So what's your current weight and health at now. How long has it been since stopped talking to her. I want to hear a few more details on that in between time and how you have been taking care of yourself before I give any insight. Just remember to hang in there. We all love you here at TL.
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The main thing is that its not good to pine. Keep on working out, doing your routine, maybe buy the book, the game and the rules of the game from Neil Strauss and just learn an opener and that should pretty much guarantee a win a girl.
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Don't work out just for her. Do it for you, and your future self. If you continue the path of self-improvement you will have tons of opportunities in the future. There is nothing totally unique about her other than she was first. What you find special about her you will find in others if you keep your eyes open.
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You don't really sound angry at her, but you should still give her some stalker vibes just for turning you down for being big, get a little bit back at her. Ask for her adress, go to google maps then print it out and make it look like a photo you took outside her house (just an example, be creative)
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On March 09 2012 00:00 BisuDagger wrote:
So what's your current weight and health at now. How long has it been since stopped talking to her. I want to hear a few more details on that in between time and how you have been taking care of yourself before I give any insight. Just remember to hang in there. We all love you here at TL.
Been working out every day, Had my first weigh in last night, have lost 5 pounds. We had not spoken in a week till last night. Now we don't speak at all. I have just been eating better and working out. When I am not doing that I am at work or, playing Starcraft .
Thank you everyone else for you input and support!
On March 08 2012 23:31 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
keep with the working out, tell her not to move because of you [ensure it's not because of you], and forget about her for the time being, either find someone else or chase another part of your life that needs 'fixing'.
once you're thin, bump into her, if she'll consider you then, either a) reject her and feel good that it was that way around [given opportunity], or b) 'keep it as ammunition' to make her stay in shape. If you're a really good guy you could c) go out with her and forget about it.
This is an awesome plan.
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On March 08 2012 23:31 Cyber_Cheese wrote:
keep with the working out, tell her not to move because of you [ensure it's not because of you], and forget about her for the time being, either find someone else or chase another part of your life that needs 'fixing'.
once you're thin, bump into her, if she'll consider you then, either a) reject her and feel good that it was that way around [given opportunity], or b) 'keep it as ammunition' to make her stay in shape. If you're a really good guy you could c) go out with her and forget about it.
I like the way you think
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Forget her there are lots of wonderful girls out there who won't judge you solely on your looks or your weight. But that being said 350lbs is heavy man, just keep working on that (for your health, fuck what other people think about material shit). Your body is just your tool to make an impact on this world, take care of it but don't let peoples opinions of it get you down. Your looks won't even matter when your old and wrinkled, its not really that important.
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On March 09 2012 06:54 Wrongspeedy wrote:
Forget her there are lots of wonderful girls out there who won't judge you solely on your looks or your weight. But that being said 350lbs is heavy man, just keep working on that (for your health, fuck what other people think about material shit). Your body is just your tool to make an impact on this world, take care of it but don't let peoples opinions of it get you down. Your looks won't even matter when your old and wrinkled, its not really that important.
Yeah, I not going to lie, I know I am big, I have had girl friends before like the way I am now, I don't know why now it became a problem. I am still working out. Not for anyone but myself at this point. I have always been a big guy, and I am sick of it. I am eating better and working out to better myself.
You know, when you get down about a girl, you always hear that there are other fish in the sea, but really just need other people to tell you that there are. Something about other people telling you, makes it easier to cope with.
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Yeah man, I think its best to forget about her and move on. Would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to date you just on how you look? Rather than your personality and who you are on the inside.
It sounds great that you're working out and eating well for yourself more than anyone. My advice is to go out and meet more and more people. As you're meeting more and more girls, you'll ask yourself, "What was I thinking about so and so?" Having different options does wonders on your perspective on potential dates. When you're so focused on one girl, you often get tunnel vision in that you can't see the whole forest out there.
In addition to working on your physical self, it's great to work on other parts of yourself as well as in interpersonal skills, flirting, etc. A book that's greatly helped me was 'How to find a date worth keeping' by Henry Cloud. Changed my entire perspective on dating and what the end goal should be i.e. not about finding the one but becoming a more complete person and changing yourself for the better.
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On March 09 2012 14:02 htn2481 wrote:
Yeah man, I think its best to forget about her and move on. Would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't want to date you just on how you look? Rather than your personality and who you are on the inside.
It sounds great that you're working out and eating well for yourself more than anyone. My advice is to go out and meet more and more people. As you're meeting more and more girls, you'll ask yourself, "What was I thinking about so and so?" Having different options does wonders on your perspective on potential dates. When you're so focused on one girl, you often get tunnel vision in that you can't see the whole forest out there.
In addition to working on your physical self, it's great to work on other parts of yourself as well as in interpersonal skills, flirting, etc. A book that's greatly helped me was 'How to find a date worth keeping' by Henry Cloud. Changed my entire perspective on dating and what the end goal should be i.e. not about finding the one but becoming a more complete person and changing yourself for the better.
Awesome, thanks for the tip on the book. Thinking about picking it up tomorrow!
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I normally would not bump my own thread, but I don't see a reason to create a new Blog. Question, what does it mean when they remove you from Facebook in this situation? Because she did, I didn't think it was that big of a deal but what the hell?
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Hey man, you've been a great friend for a long time and it's hard for me to go there in this situation, but after talking to amanda a little we think just just doesn't want it, yo. She just seems like a shallow person. Think about if you spent like a year working out and getting buff, not only would you be less cuddly but then if she wanted it after that, would you really want to be in a relationship like that?
What I think you should do is what we discussed in PMs. Come out here and pick up a hot korean who will think you must have been some kind of royalty in your home country. 
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On March 13 2012 16:28 Meta wrote:Hey man, you've been a great friend for a long time and it's hard for me to go there in this situation, but after talking to amanda a little we think just just doesn't want it, yo. She just seems like a shallow person. Think about if you spent like a year working out and getting buff, not only would you be less cuddly but then if she wanted it after that, would you really want to be in a relationship like that? What I think you should do is what we discussed in PMs. Come out here and pick up a hot korean who will think you must have been some kind of royalty in your home country.
Yeah after sleeping on it I decided its not worth it, and said "Stop Caring" and then rammed my head into my computer ! Ha! Start getting my blood line pure again. You and Amanda are always GREAT! Much love for you two! <3
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On March 08 2012 20:57 B-Roll wrote:
Update 3/12/12 - She removed me from Facebook, with no warning or note, I know its not that big of a deal but I thought we could a least be friends. . . . . WTF?!?!?!?
B-Roll bro, you can do better than this chick. You just had a dream, that's all.
About Facebook, did you really want to see pics of her and her eventual new bf anyway? If I were on facebook, I'd be unlikely to have any exes added.
Stay positive mang.
Slightly edited Captain Willard Quote:
Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a woman, and for my sins, they gave me one. Brought her up to me like room service. It was a real choice woman, and when it was over, I never wanted another.
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Work out and live healthily so this won't happen with the next girl you meet! Exercising will make you feel good in general, and especially if it makes you think optimistically about your future when it comes to girlfriends!
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
sorry but do you really think 350 lbs isn't 'huge'.. ? :<
anyway keep working out and forget about her!
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On March 13 2012 22:10 SKTerran.117 wrote:
It sounds like you were creeping her out. You two never dated but your acting like she ran off after you had been married for years. If you were half this bad irl no wonder she didn't want to date you. Good on you for trying to get in shape.
Well the only way I even noticed was that I use Spotify and I was like, weird she isnt on my friends list anymore because its synced with facebook. One thing led to another. and I went :O
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EPT
