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On January 23 2012 00:24 missefficiency wrote:First of all: I'm not going to be exactly polite. That's because I've been through the same bullshit (really everything including behaviour in grups) for over ten years before I finally cut the crap and worked on it seriously. It makes my heart ache when I see people in the same situation for I know it's a real suffering and a vicious circle if noone kicks you out of it literally. Your major problem has to do with your ego. Let me quote the sections that sort of hit me in the face straight away: Show nested quote +I developed this nasty habit of lying to impress, I never thought that I was good enough.
Naturally, this guy took up almost ALL my attention, She was actually nice to me and wasn't condescending towards me. Maybe she wasn't all that nice though, but I can't relate to anybody ("friends") that has been as nice to me as she has.
[...]
Unfathomably, my response was to make shit up! I told her that I actually had a girlfriend from America and a slew of other bullshit. I don't even have any idea how I was able to lie so much. I mean, with the amount of shit coming out of my mouth, my ass was jealous of my mouth.
[...]
I remember that she invited me to her birthday party. That was the first party that I was ever invited to. I was 12 and that was the only party that I was invited to. I didn't go though, since it was pretty last minute and she was a girl.
So, starting secondary school (13), we still maintained some contact, but in my new school, my habit of lying to impress got me into such much SHIT. I apparently told my classmates that the girl was my girlfriend (please tell me I'm not the only one that does this stupid crap.) and my schoolmate from my primary school that was friends with the girl I liked overheard it. And lo and behold, she found out about the shit I was talking and cut off all communications from me.
my schoolmate (who spilled the beans on me) invited my friends from my new school to a party that I was not invited to of course, and guess who was there? The girl I liked. So the girl went on and talked about all the shit I made up earlier and blah blah blah, the shit hit the fan and bam I was rendered friendless overnight. Forgive me if this question is too personal, but what on earth did your family do to send you out into the world with an ego that was already fucked up when you were just seven years old?! You were insecure and seeing yourself as "not good enough when you were just a kid, so what the fuck happened? Take a look at the bold parts in your quote. They're telling you just the same story about five times: 1. You feel like your personality is too boring to keep other kids(!) as friends. 2. You decide to pimp it up by lying. First it works, and even when it doesn't you keep lying as a coverup and/or to stabilise your fragile ego. 3. Your lies go *boom* like an atomic bomb and leave you and your relationship with other people scattered all over the floor. 4. You have no friends and are depressed. You meet someone else and pimp your in your view always insufficient perso- nality by telling lies... So that's the big picture in general. The problem at the core of it is: You don't like yourself. If you had the choice, you'd rather be anyone else but you - so how could someone ever consider being friends with you? *What if they don't like me or laugh at me, talk about how boring I am or how funny my clothes look - omygawd, I have to stop them - "Hey guys I just met Will Smith on the underground! Yeah, no joke, he's a really cool guy..."* That's part one. The other part is the girl-story. Even though you were only twelve at the time, I already see the tendency of you becoming a huge pussy and I don't like that - trust me, no woman on earth likes that.The story is a bit more complicated than the simple friends-and-social-acceptance part, but on the surface you do the same: making shit up to raise your value. Only the context was different: She refused you first. Equals: She stomped on your ego. So your first reaction is: making her jealous to win her back. Impress her by telling lies. Your second reaction is gently patting your crying ego by not going to the party. Meh, you refused me, so I won't come over just to show you how hurt I am and by the way, your just a girl... Boy. Seriously? If something like that ever happens to you again, I expect you to go there and fucking rock that party, understood? Have a good time and enjoy yourself, it will both impress girls more than lying and it will piss her off too - girls like the thought of being oh so bad and having friendzoned and heartbroken a guy who's into them, so if you have a good time nevertheless, her interest will undoubtedly rise. Back to the issue. New school, new luck, old almost-GF... and back again to old habits, only your teenagers now and a teenager's primary goal is establishing a personality and a social status, no matter what it takes. That's what you tried by using your old pattern, and it blew up since the girl found out and established her social status - that being "cute girl followed by creeps and still confident" - on cost of your ego and social status. And so you're back to where you started... /end part one. Advice will follow, but I need a short break here. I apologize again for not being too gentle - but the "you're a good boy-thing" won't help you here. BRB after a coffee.
Yeah well, I guess you're right that I don't like myself. I didn't skip the party out of spire, she invited me before I confessed.
Thanks for the excellent advice thus far though/
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Just be nice to people, and most people will be nice back.
This doesn't conflict with being yourself or straightforward "no-bullshit" at all, as I assume you actually don't hate all other humans. good luck. 
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Italy12246 Posts
I've been through similar shit. To this day, i don't know wtf is wrong with me but i can't talk to some people. Like, i physically can't have a normal conversation. The words just don't come out. With a relatively small percentage of people i meet, i am friendly, easygoing etc, but other times i don't know. It's seriously mindfucking me, but i have learnt how to deal with it mostly.
Anyway, i was pretty lonely during my childhood and when i was a teenager. I don't remember exactly why, or when it started, but i always thought of myself as a "loser" back then. I had really good grades at school without needing to put in the work, i was always far ahead of my classmates in terms of learning etc (i learnt how to speak english correctly, far better than your average italian at like 12 for example), and i think this had something to do with how i saw myself, but we were quite friendly; however when it came down to truely being friends there would be nothing at all. I remember in multiple occastions feeling completely and utterly betrayed by people i considered my friends...i was friendly, but with most people i just couldn't bond, so eventually they moved on. It was wierd especially because i would happily talk to whatever grown up i met, say my parent's friends, but with other teenagers and kids, nop. Fucking brain of mine.
I have gone through some of what you experienced, specifically the part where you are like a girl and tell others she's your gf when really she isn't, and it's fucking frustrating. I think the best move you could do is just come clean, and really really force yourself not to talk bullshit again. It can hurt but it spares you a lot more bullshit and pain in the long run. Just be yourself.
For friends, it can be hard but you need to force yourself to talk to and interact with as many people as possible. Maybe see if you can find someone who is kind of into games and make him try sc2, or try a sport you like; it will help you at least in being more comfortable in a social environment. If you are good in a subject, offer someone who might be in trouble to study together, and ask for help if you aren't going well. Just try to spend as much time as you can NOT alone playing games. Videogames and all are fine, but not if they screw up your social life.
Having trouble in socializing as a teenager is rough, and you are in for a few rough years if you don't get more confrotable. In my experience, it does get better as you grow up. I always had trouble accepting the nerdy part of myself (and i have always been a huuuuge nerd) since like 3-4 years ago: i would do my best to not let anyone know who i was, to the point where i hid my videogames and warhammer miniatures if someone was coming over, lol. Now i have a fucking clock with math formulas instead of numbers, proudly display my disney cassettes and warhammer army, and generally don't care if people think i am a nerdy loser. If they do fine, i don't really want to socialize with them anyway. But it's hard to accept it at first. Honestly what helped my a lot, was Day9 himself. He talks about he will happily just go to someone and say "you know i play starcraft 2 all day long, it's awesome you wanna try?"
I never would have done it, but trust me it's not that bad. Hell i was able to watch the TSL3 finals with my girlfriend, and if i had never seen day9's enthusiams for the game, i don't think i would have even tried to get her into sc and gaming in the first place.
The hardest part for me was getting a girlfriend, or more specifically someone i can share everything with (well that's a lot at 15, but just going out with a girl for a while will definitely make you feel better). Honestly don't be an idiot like me and think 1) i'm not good enough for her, she's too pretty or 2) yeah i will just be friends first, to show her i'm different and bla bla. Both are retarded and don't work. Go balls out, ask her out, and if she says no big deal, you will meet plenty of women in your life.
Well that wasn't too coherent but i hope it helps, good luck in life feel free to PM me if you wanna talk
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Girls and lying never mix well, trust me on that ><
Don't lie to them, don't lie for them, don't lie about them. Especially if they're a ginger.
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On January 23 2012 01:08 GigaFlop wrote:
Girls and lying never mix well, trust me on that ><
Don't lie to them, don't lie for them, don't lie about them. Especially if they're a ginger.
Gingers got no souls(+10 internets to those who know where this is from).
OP, pick up sport like basketball. It's really good to make new friends and connections.
Girls do love guys who don't suck at doing something physical.
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On January 22 2012 23:46 Azera wrote:
Btw guys, I also just finished sending that girl a message.
Sigh. Ok, here's the possible outcomes:
- She will ignore it.
- She will show it to her friends and make fun of it, once again stabilizing her social status.
- She will answer you in an understanding manner and use your feeling of regret for her purposes by making you do stuff for her.
Any of this sucks, but it's fine since you did it to calm your conscience - now please don't make the mistake and take anything she does in response seriously. Your mind is clean, it's time for part two:
2. Starting over
So you messed up before for a certain reason. And gotcha:
Being myself probably repels most people. I'am a very candid, straightforward, and no nonsense person. Just like how my dad wants me to be.
Take a break right there. That really you?
No. It's the you you created to make your dad proud and pleased with, but you don't like it.
Here's the surprise: You are your own person. Not your dad's, not that girl's, not anybody else's. It's your goddamn life and you'll have to live through it accompanied by the only person you can't run away from or lie to: yourself.
Yet you try. You make up lies, you show a self your father wants to see; and it frustrates you beyond compare. You see others being confident and establishing themselves socially while you're stuck at that point. So you make up this life that sounds like you're one of them... and kick yourself out by doing so.
What can you do about it?
1. Find the source. Who first gave you the impression the way you truly are is not good enough?
2. Talk to that person. If you don't want to or the person is not available, write it down in a letter, imagine your teddy bear is that person...I don't care how you do it, as long as you come clean about it and see that it's not your fault in the first place. What you're doing is the reaction to someone's reaction towards you. All you did was choose to comply and carry on with it.
3. Makeover! Do you like your style? Hair, clothes, shoes...if not - change it. Liking your outer appearance makes it easier to smile at yourself in the morning and leave the house feeling confident.
4. You've come clean about what happened and what it did to you. Now don't do it again.
Stop the lies, but don't walk around and tell everyone you know "I was such a liar, I'm so sorry, it won't happen again..." Don't place yourself in that vulnerable and extremely embarassing position.
5. Be water, my friend. It's over. You're starting a new life by now, so don't put any bad feelings from your messed-up time in your way. If you encounter them in the form of people who know you lied - flow around it. Don't mention it, talk to them normally and without ever lying again. They'll be suspicious at first, but gradually notice the change and respect you for who you are now.
6. Who do you want to be now? You found out what lies beneath, now you build on that. Do whatever you want to if you think it helps you with being you, and tell everyone who tells you to do otherwise to GTFO. You've complied and acted long enough.
/part 2. I hope it helps, the most important thing you've already done yourself: see you messed up. Now start over and enjoy life.
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I've tried writing a few replies to help you, but every time I read it over, I sound like a complete asshole.
It's time to man the fuck up and do something about your situation. Stop feeding bullshit to everyone around you, and you may find that things work out a lot better.....
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On January 22 2012 23:49 Azera wrote:Too late 
You didn't do it for her.
You need closure on this since you fucked up.
Manning up, apologizing, is the right thing to do. For yourself. You did the right thing. If she ignores it, if she responds angry, whatever, doesn't matter. You were in the wrong. You admitted it. You apologized. You did the right thing here. Congratulate yourself for it. Now, time to move on.
Since you are still thinking about this years later, I think you just need some kinda ending. I think it was the right choice.
Now, moving on and just ... don't do that stupid shit again Be a better person.
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Hey Azera,
I am Kelly from Singapore. I'm 22++ at the moment, and I completely understand what you are going through. It's really stressful to study in Singapore. Nobody outside of Singapore actually knows how competitive school is.
For one, during Primary school I was in a really good school, but I didn't study that much, never had, just always did the bare minimum to score above average, was in EM1 (not sure if you guys still have EM1, EM2, EM3) so I had to take higher chinese.
Eventually, I went to Nan Chiau High School, I'm not sure what school you are in at the moment, maybe you can tell me more.
Not sure if anyone from Singapore has posted yet but I just want you to know, that it gets better.
First of all, it is good to see that you have the courage to admit that you are a) Not perfect, b) have issues that you need to fix.
Some people (like me) take years and years to realize that.
What I can suggest to you is find a hobby. (Me = gaming + music my whole teenage life.)
I can't say I know exactly what you feel but trust me, I've gone through similar stuff. I used to be in band, played the saxaphone, loved it, but had to quit because my fucking music tutor from school molested me when I was 14. I didn't know shit then, I was so scared and wasn't sure if it was wrong, but I told a Councillor who promised it would be between us but she ended up having to report it to the principal anyway. Turns out he molested 10 girls before me from 3 different schools and if any of the 10 girls had the courage to report it, maybe I wouldn't have got so fucked up.
When I was 15, I was sick of being bullied in high school during sec 1 and 2 because I had really bad haircut, unattractive glasses, and was a bit chubby T_T! So I became bulimic and started doing a lot of stupid shit and hanging with bad company.
I even retained sec 3 because my attendance was so shit (In singapore your attendance in school needs to be at least 75% or you get barred from exams or they just default fail you). I used to be in Science stream (sec2 exams for what courses you can take for sec 3 and 4, im sure you know.). I took pure physics and chemistry, but when I retained I was like fuck this shit, I'm dropping it and taking art, lit and history. My parents being typical asian parents were so mad at me but i didnt give a shit and I'm glad because I was really happy. I spent most of my time in school in the art room with my best friend in high school and those were the best days of my life. Principal eventually ended up giving up on punishing me, let me do whatever, gave me time off to play in tournaments, have tea with me when I get too bored during class in the office, and just let me do whatever I wanted wherever I want as long as it wasn't illegal. (I didn't smoke or anything.)
By then I have already got to known gaming and was playing CS1.6 competitively, doing some emcee-ing freelance and also commentating on local leagues. You were too young then but all the gaming people used to hang out in CRC Toa Payoh, but when it closed down we started going to parklane (egames) instead, which explains why so many gamers hang out there now.
Sadly by the time I was 17 I started partying a lot, going to Zouk, Ministry of Sound, Attica, St james etc, so you can imagine... Wait till you are 18 to start partying, don't rush. You are not missing out on much. Clubbing in SG is pretty lame anyway. If I ever go out now, I only go to Zouk.
Do you know what you want? I knew since the age of 15 that I wanted to work in eSports. If you find something you want to do, no matter what happens, as long as you are working towards that dream, no matter how slow, you will eventually get it.
All I can say is... now at 22, looking back, high school was the best years of my youth.
You realise that you can make so much mistakes without MUCH serious consequences that lasts very long. (unless you kill someone or make someone pregnant, so please dont do that :p)
So make all the mistakes now, and it will grow you into a fine adult. The good thing about Singapore is that it's really safe, we have a great education system, we don't pay much until you decide to go to NTU or NUS, then I pray that your parents are at least middle-class income because it's ridiculous how much we have to pay for Uni.
The thing is... I hate Singapore... the weather, the people, how competitive everything is, no one ever chills. It doesn't suit me. I'm super free spirit.
But you are too young to leave, so just "jia you" and grind it out. It's like a quest bro. If you grind it, then you have better gear, get picked up by the best guild, and do successful raid runs instead of getting wiped 8 times in a row.
That's just Singapore, endure school (secondary school, poly/JC, and uni) - in fact, enjoy it. Then you get talent scouted by some big company in Singapore (did you know Singapore has one of the best and most stable economy in the world? study finance and you never go wrong.), and make a lot of money.
I don't think you want to end up like half the people in Singapore. Make 2.8k a month, pay 20% to CPF, spend the rest of the money trying to pay bills and blow it on partying. That's stupid.
Just grind, finish everything, make 6k a month, pay 20% to CPF, buy a house later in sentosa when you are 30 years old.
Also, just a tip, don't get married in your 20s. Enjoy your young adulthood, when you are nearing your late twenties you realise you automatically become more responsible.
BTW, don't forget the 2 years you are going to spend in National Service (army). Another good reason to study super hard. Don't sign on... don't chao keng.......
Also, if your parents are well to do, and you realise that SG is not for you, I suggest you go overseas to study. I don't suggest Australia, because you end up meeting Malaysians, Thai, Indonesians, so when you go to aussie you end up hanging out with asian people. If you study in the UK or US, it's much better because then you truly start a new life. One without lies and you can be yourself.
I PROMISE YOU BRO, by the time you reach college/poly, as long as you dont do toooooo much stupid stuff (you can do some) during Secondary school, you will be fine. You don't end up keeping in touch with friends from secondary school anyway. I only have ONE friend I still talk to from sec school and he was my best friend who spent like.. everyday with me for 2 years. The rest... fuck them, they are retarded.
When you become super cool and successful, they will be like all the other common people who make a regular paycheck and have regular life.
If you are bored, get a pet if your family allows it. A kitty or a puppy, or rabbit! (not hamsters or fishes...). it takes a bit of your time. you have something to love, some responsibilities Also, do a lot of sports. 15 is the PERFECT age to start doing sports. Badminton, basketball, captain's ball, these 3 are pretty damn fun, and everyone is about the same standard at 15 anyway. Plus you get to grow taller if you play a lot of those. And read. Read a lot. Books helped me pass half my teenage-hood.
Listen to a lot of music, The Beatles, Queen, Pink Floyd, Aerosmith, Bob Marley. If you want, I can link you some gosu songs :D
By the way, it's great you are into Starcraft 2, not games like maple story etc, just make sure you balance your time, don't argue with your parents about using the internet (happened often in my days).
Once you have a goal / dream, work towards it and when you get it, all you can tell yourself is "YES, fuck the haters, I am here."
BTW, regarding the girl, forget her. You will meet so many many many more beautiful girls in your life. I PROMISE YOU. And when you are in your 20s, you will look back and say, what the fuck why did I waste so much time on that bitch. :p <3 if she is being so retarded by calling you out in public trying to embarrass you, she's doesn't deserve your time.
I think I wrote a compo, sorry. But if you ever need any help feel free to write me or add me on skype.
Goodluck <3 Remember, it gets better.
Kelly.
PS: I don't think you have no friends... anytime I'm back in Singapore, we can hang out and I can be your friend.
PPS: What CCA are you in? And what courses did you pick for Sec 3?
PPPS: It's great that you wrote about your problems. Usually the more you talk about them, the faster they go away / seem smaller.
some motivational pics:
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxvl3ovjN21qjm9bpo1_500.png) ![[image loading]](http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxk6jvqv8N1qatv0xo1_500.jpg) Also, here's a resurrection stone for you (I hope you read Harry potter, you're about the right age to have read it). ![[image loading]](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxlsvoPr5V1qcmk9m.jpg) Hope that helps revive some happiness and motivation in you :p
btw, happy cny, hope you get lots of angbaos :D I'm not home for cny. i miss my family super lots. Enjoy your time with yours <3
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It's time to you to turn over the page.
Use your knowledge to make life better for you: don't lie to others, don't be asshole to others. If you are honest and correct to others, they will retribute. If you do good things to others, good thing will happen to you.
Apologize to the girl. She might regain some respect from you if you do it. The real man is the one that acknowledges that he screwed up and then repairs the damage done.
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Yo. Fellow Singaporean here. You're 15 and you're friendless? BIG DEAL. I'm freaking 19 and I'm friendless.
I got teased a lot in primary school cos I was fat. The fact that I was naturally introverted didn't exactly help my cause. Many people shunned me cos of my *bad reputation* and I had no friends as a result. So guess what? I turned to studies. MUGGING HARD. And guess what? BOOM 252 FOR PSLE TAKE THAT BITCHES!
So I managed to get into a pretty *elite* secondary school and fortunately my primary school wasnt that good so pretty much no one else went to the same sec school as me. WOOHOO!! EXCELLENT. A FANTASTIC CHANCE to start anew in a fresh environment right? On a clean slate? WRONG. Turns out that most of those in my sec school were from elite primary schools, and those from the same elite primary schools formed cliques. So I was in a really cliquish environment and my introvertness which had worsened during my terrible primary school years fucked me up even more in terms of friendships. I remember a history class project in secondary 2 in which we had to form groups on our own autonomously and everyone else had a group. EXCEPT ME. LOLOL. In the end I had to do the project myself since no one would take me in hahah. So once again i focused on studies (and secretly brood war/CS heheheh). YAY 8 A1s for O'LEVELS!
So once again i got into an elite JC. Same old story as my secondary school. Thought I could start anew - failed at making friends because of poor social skills and got made fun of cos I'm FREAKING short (I'm 1.6m). Did pretty well at A'levels. Straight As. So what? My relatives think I'm FREAKING IMBA cos of my studies when in actual fact I'm just a loner with utterly no friends whose only saving grace is good grades. 40-year-old virgin INCOMING. HELL YEA.
Enough of my rant. You're 15 and still in sec 3/4. U still got JC/Poly, NS and possibly University ahead of u and u'll have many chances to make friends and guess what - chances are u probably won't run into that girl again.
P.S. Pretty sure every one of us have done/said something stupid at some point in our lives. I've pranked called a girl who insulted me in JC and she found out! lolol.
P.P.S. ALL THE BEST AND GLHF GG IN YOUR LIFE AHEAD MAN!!
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Honestly, HS is just HS, it'll change for you, the night is still young.
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Wow Kelly (OXW?), it was a nice read.
Fellow SG here - I can understand how you feel Azera, I used to lie a lot when I was younger, mostly get to attention from my friends and parents (attention seeker alert). I mean, if the main focus of your life was to get GOOD GRADES, TOP SCORER, OUTSTANDING ACHIEVER, wouldn't you feel that you needed something else - something no one else has/knows/done before to validate your life as well? I did that well into my Uni years where I almost completedly screwed over my relationship because I started it off with a few stupid and unnecessary lies.
The point is, once you realise that actually none of all this matters in the long run, you'll learn to not give two shits about making something up just to seem like you're awesome/cool/whatever. Why waste energy and time making things up and then finding ways to cover it up? Why not BE awesome/cool/whatever? I realised that lie after lie, it just gets harder and harder to piece all the half-truths, quarter-truths and no-truths up that it just gets SO tiring to maintain this fairytale image that everyone has of me (you etc) so the best thing to do that gives the highest payoff and utility is to tell the truth as much as possible.
What you should be spending time on is not making new lies to cover up old ones, but channeling it into something you love doing. If you love to play SC2, why not consider doing it really good? The eSports scene in Singapore is changing (albeit reaaaaaaally slow), it was way different from when I was 15 (I'm 24 now). There are organisations in SG that dedicate to sending pro-gamers all over the world (yes, even I find that hard to believe) such as SCOGA/ so you'll definitely stand a chance to be noticed.
---note---
Half way through typing all that I seemed to have absolutely lost my train of thought, partly due to my most awesome steamboat dinner and because it's 1:22AM and I'm watching IEM semis as well at the same time. So if it seems like I'm rambling and make no sense,
TL;DR
Don't Lie - Tell the Truth.
If you want to be something, then go ahead and BE, don't just talk about it.
Forget the girl, you'll find new ones anywayyyyyyyy
GLHF
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Let go of all your pride, dignity, and just put yourself out there. First thing is to get rid of your sense of unworthiness. You are not unworthy. It's just that there are people in the world that you will feel comfortable with and people you won't. Just put yourself out there as who you are, and let go of all of your worthless arrogance, self righteous pride, and shame. What I'm telling you is not to be someone's little b, but to show that you have your faults and wrongs as do everyone else, but not afraid to show them and tell everyone "Look, this is who I am and I want to know who you are."
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Choose to live or choose to die. Choose to be a victim or choose to be the hero.
People aren't as valuable as you think.
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Dude you're from Singapore? What school bro we can hang out or something
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Solid post Milkies and other SGers. is 22++ code for 24? ^^
I can relate pretty well with you OP, I was dreadfully shy for most of my life. I had friends, but they were friend who I've had since before I can remember (no lying, I don't remember meeting them: most of them I met in either playschool or kindergarten). I couldn't make new friends very well at all.
It was only until my 3rd year in University, when I broke up with the only girlfriend I ever had in a city across the country (canada) from my family and friends that I decided I needed to become more social-able and work on my social skills. I was completely alone in a city that felt more foreign than home. I hit "rock-bottom" in terms of social happiness.
The of the biggest bullshit lines people can say to you is "just be yourself". Maybe your current personality is boring, plain, and flawed in too many areas: that's not an insult, i'd say most people are pretty boring and plain, and everyone has numerous personality flaws. Instead, be the best, more [b]interesting you that you can be. Don't try to copy somebody else, but don't take your current personality as a static, unchangeable characteristic that you just have to live with.
With that in mind: change!
What I did:
First I just started with how I always solved problems in the past: I read as much as a i could on the issue. It sounds counter-productive to read a lot about how to not be a loner, but there's actually a lot of great advice out there that can change your life in small ways. The "Pick-up Community" (see thread in General if you don't know what this is) is really hit or miss, but it was where I basically started. Stay away from most of the gimmicks and the emphasis on 1-night stands/having multiple gfs, but a lot of what is said about building 'inner-game' or self-confidence is completely on the money.
I also recommend reading about the basics of Body Language (very, very helpful, I never knew how cold my body language was before, and never knew how simply changing my bl could make me more approachable and likable) and books on how to become a better conversationalist/storyteller. Day9 is clearly really popular on this board: is it because his SC2 strategy insights are so much better than anyone elses? Maybe, but I doubt it. He's super popular because he is a master storyteller. Pay attention and you'll quickly discover that probably 60%+ of conversation is actual just storytelling rather than listening and exchanging viewpoints/whatever. How you tell a story is almost always more important than what a story is about.
Other general quicktips:
Be Passionate about something and convey that passion assion is attractive. For me, my main passions are economics and biology. These, to be blunt, are passions that most people wouldn't classify as "interesting" (and tend to be the sort of subjects you'd expect mostly loners to be interested in), but because I can convey my passion and point out the reasons WHY i find these things interesting, these two subjects have become a source of endless conversation material. My second gf (not a particularly intellectual person) would often, in group situations say things like "OMG Kwas you have to show them about Prisoner's Dilemma " or "Kwas, have you explained to them why there are only two genders throughout most of the animal kingdom?" (the answer is because of parasites) because when I told these stories to her, she was fascinated despite having no previous interest in either subject. Passion and good storytelling goes a long, long way. These passions also set me apart from most people: an important characteristic for being an interesting person.
Set goals for yourself: I used to give myself challenges. When I started, my first challenge was to walk around town and smile at everyone who walked by while looking them in the eyes: super easy but made me more comfortable and used to making eye contact and keeping a smile on my face: both important things to be perceived as likable. I then graduated to saying hi to 5 strangers and asking strangers for the time: I failed these challenges about 3 times each due to my shyness, despite being stupidly easy in retrospect. These are useful for both improving your social skills, and measuring your progress.
I actually still give myself challenges, but now they're significantly harder and tend to be centered around talking to girls I want to meet.
[b]Take every opportunity to do something social[ or interesting/b]. When your shy, doing something new with new people is often like taking a bath as a kid: You dread it, but once you're emerged in the hot water you want to play with the rubber duckie all night. Why are you lying to everyone about your adventures when you can go out and have real adventures to talk about?
Anyways, this is already longer than I intended it to be, so I cut it short. I clearly have more to say about this than most people will be interested in reading about. My main point is that there ARE ways to better yourself so that other people will like you and, more importantly, so that you can meet other people that YOU like.
PS: Happy New Years. If Singapore is anything like Korea, I'm sure you have some fantastic meals coming your way today.[/i]
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On January 22 2012 23:44 Azera wrote:
I'am a very candid, straightforward, and no nonsense person.
No, you are not. A person with those traits doesn't have a problem getting friends, but a person with those traits wouldn't lie about themselves either. You can't go around thinking that it is okay to lie about what you yourself have done but being straightforward with your views on everyone else, then you are truly working under a huge double standard. If you are a liar then you need to respect others lies and faults as well or people will justly regard you as an asshole.
Make a wow to stop lying completely from now onwards, will help you a lot since you obviously can't handle it.
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It doesn't take much to make friends. Just requires like 1% effort from your part lol.
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To all singaporeans: Hi, happy cny, I wish i can eat steamboat too but I am in -0degrees Sweden. I am so jealous. I want to eat abalone T_T
Everyone from Singapore are my friends. Whether you have a lot of friends or if you have none. Feel free to PM me, I can give you my SG phone number and my skype and we can make a skype group of fellow sc2 tl-ers friends :D
新年快乐！！:D
我好想吃麻辣火锅～ #u#;;~
Kelly
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EPT
