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So in about a week my gf and I will have been together for a year. The relationship has been amazing, we're crazy about each other, and see it as a serious thing.
By coincedence, her little sister, who is about 3 years younger than her, gets back from a solo jaunt around Europe on the same day (she was gone for a month, and it was her first time overseas).
Anyway, the other night I was at my gf's place and she mentions that our anniversary falls on the same day that her sister gets back, and that that means we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day. I was a bit surprised, as I was already aware that my gf was going to the airport with her parents to pick her sister up before she went to work that day, and kind of assumed we'd go out that night. In the interests of full disclosure, I should also state that we are spending the following weekend away together interstate. I felt disappointed, maybe slightly annoyed, but not in a rage of jealousy.
To get to the point of this, I mentioned the above to my mates, and again to my mother at family dinner last night, and everyone was unanimous in their, well... surprise... at her apparent decision to cut me from that day. So, to those in, or those who have been in, serious relationships, would that bother you given the significance of your first year together? Or, given that we've made plans for the weekend, see each other often, and the circumstances of her sister's return, do you think it's no big deal if we don't celebrate on the day?
Personally, I'm not too bothered by her spending the night with her sister instead of me, but was a bit annoyed that she just made the choice without even discussing it with me. My friends/mother have a different view... Anyway, sound off below!
  
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Italy12246 Posts
I have been together with my gf for over one year and a half, and it would definitely piss me off. Besides, her sister has been gone for just a month, to me it's not that much. If she was coming back from an Erasmus or something similar it's fine, but just one month away is really not that big of a deal imo.
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Not a big deal. The day is only as special as you decide to make it, just celebrate it the day after or something. Who cares.
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Some people are brought up to put their family over everyone else in most circumstances. Realistically relationships come and go, and while your anniversary is probably important to her she may want to make her sister/family feel special by prioritizing her/them. That being said, it's not something I or probably you would do, but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
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I don't really see the big deal but I feel like if you bring it up at best you gain very little benefit(next anniversary that coincides with a relative returning she'll put you first?) and at worst it could possibly screw up your relationship(really?this bothers him?if something this rare and inconsequential gets under his skin what problems will come up in the future?)I don't know what personality your gf has so if shes really open / cool you could bring it up. But sometimes you can't always have your birthday party on your birthday...
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I think its just a date. Whats important is how you spend the time together not on what date it happens imo.
But people do as you say have different thoughts on the subject. But if her and her sister are close i would not be that surprised.
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Well, all you can do is tell her that this day is important to you. Obviously she doesn't think it is such a big deal, so you have to make her understand that it is in fact a big deal to you. If she still thinks her sister is more important, then you'll either have to accept or move on
My opinion? It's not worth wasting energy on someone you're not on one line with. I don't know what the rest of your relationship is like, but for me, life's much better single.
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It really is just another day. Think about what the year anniversary is: you're commemorating that the earth has rotated around the sun once since you started going out. Does it really matter?
Just have a nice time with her when you can and enjoy her company when you can. There are people in far worse positions.
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On January 17 2012 21:09 Rekrul wrote:
you should be thankful
Words of wisdom from what I assume to be a rugged and wizened man who has trekked the breadth of the world and tasted of a long and supple life.
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It's so unnecessary to get hooked up on things like this. I know its hard but just let it go man, theres no need to be upset. Just tell yourself that, genuinely tell your gf that its okay. The big changer in my relationship was when i stopped being upset over silly things. I feel so much better about myself and my relationship after that 
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It's like celebrating a birthday... although the date itself is important, when you celebrate isn't as significant. I'd rather have an awesome weekend away instead of a few hours with her at dinner before she wants to get home to see her sister/family.
My wife and I (together almost 5 years) try to travel every year for Valentine's day. Sometimes we manage to be somewhere new on the 14th, sometimes we get cheaper flights/hotels/etc by going a week early or late.
Another thing to learn from this is fights worth having...
How important is it to you that she talks things over with you first?
Where does she stand when it comes to you vs family?
These might not be things the two of you need worry about yet...
Last, do SOMETHING to "mark the day". Even if you can't celebrate in the way you want on the day you want, do something like send some flowers to her house (or a card, or hand deliver w/e). Just like if you had a birthday on a Wednesday and wanted to have the party/celebration on Saturday. You still want to get a few cards/money/gifts/congratulations ON the date.
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lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
EDIT:
Ask for people's opinion -> Get defensive when people disagree with you -> ban them from your blog -> ??? -> Profit.
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you sound like a girl
edit: lol i got banned from his blogs for this :p
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On January 17 2012 21:31 SnetteL wrote:
you sound like a girl
idd, this is like the ultimate roll reversal. the girl is saying as long as we do something its cool, and your the one getting anal about the specifics.
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On January 17 2012 21:31 Cr4zyH0r5e wrote:
lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read.
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Don't make a big deal over irrelevant bullshit, it's the key to having a good relationship.
You're making a big deal out of nothing
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The only reason to be upset would be if you actually had plans, for example if you planned a nice dinner with her etc. But if you only ASSUMED that this kind of stuff would be happening there's no reason at all to be upset!
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Cool, thanks guys, but l2read.
User was warned for this post
edit:
On January 17 2012 21:31 SnetteL wrote:
you sound like a girl
edit: lol i got banned from his blogs for this :p
Yeah, you added nothing. You were a smart ass. You made it clear you either didn't read, or just made ridiculous assumptions and decided to act like a 16 y.o. kb warrior. The above was directed to you primarily.
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Seriously, what's that big fuss around celebrating certain dates in life? It's just so sentimental... Well, it's good to remember the past, but ultimately, the past doesn't matter now, right? Or at least it shouldn't damage the future of your relationship.
Also, a family-by-blood will always be prioritized over family-by-love-affairs. That's just the way it is.
Good thing it doesn't bother you.
Just hang out together the next day or something, no big deal. I don't get why your parents have different opinion.
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Does she usually discuss such things with you or is this the first time she made this kind of decision independently?
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never assume with girls (soon to be 5 years in a relationship)
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No, because exactly 365 days is arbitrary and pointless. You should celebrate and cherish the relationship everyday and not get fussed by trivialities. Your gut feeling was the right one.
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On January 17 2012 21:39 KeksX wrote:
The only reason to be upset would be if you actually had plans, for example if you planned a nice dinner with her etc. But if you only ASSUMED that this kind of stuff would be happening there's no reason at all to be upset!
Yeah, fair point. I posted this because the people close to me seem to be more upset about than me and I wanted a larger cross section of opinion. When she told me, I just said ok and we kept watching HIMYM lol.
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On January 17 2012 21:48 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:39 KeksX wrote:
The only reason to be upset would be if you actually had plans, for example if you planned a nice dinner with her etc. But if you only ASSUMED that this kind of stuff would be happening there's no reason at all to be upset! Yeah, fair point. I posted this because the people close to me seem to be more upset about than me and I wanted a larger cross section of opinion. When she told me, I just said ok and we kept watching HIMYM lol.
That russian intro gag was pretty good.
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On January 17 2012 21:48 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:39 KeksX wrote:
The only reason to be upset would be if you actually had plans, for example if you planned a nice dinner with her etc. But if you only ASSUMED that this kind of stuff would be happening there's no reason at all to be upset! Yeah, fair point. I posted this because the people close to me seem to be more upset about than me and I wanted a larger cross section of opinion. When she told me, I just said ok and we kept watching HIMYM lol.
Yea people around you(general you) tend to do that, I figured. You did the right thing. But make sure to celebrate your anniversary later! :D
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Try to work if it if bothers you, or just the people around you. I personally wouldn't care that much, and would celebrate the anniversary a the next available opportunity (the following weekend or whatever). Some people emphasise dates far too much. it's not like you had already planned to do something on the date, then it got cancelled, right? You didn't tell her about your plans, and she didn't discuss hers with you. Its doesn't seem to be anyone's fault, just a little unfortunate.
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Don't be a drama queen! Girls cause enough drama over stupid/pointless shit such as anniversaries etc. Just roll with it, her sister is family and that should always be more important. Take her out to dinner the next day maybe? Personally, I'd use it as an opportunity to play starcraft all day or something hehe. GL HF!
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You didn't have plans with her for that night, and something came up for her. She told you "we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day". Without having her exact words, that's what we have to go on. Note the emphasis. Who cares? If you didn't even have specific plans, make plans to do anniversary stuff on some other day. Or do anniversary stuff on the following weekend. When she said that, did you respond with "oh, that's too bad, want to make plans for the following night then?" or did you just put a surprised face on and mope around...
Edit: I see you were mostly posting this because of your family's reaction. I would imagine they just didn't want you to be let down or upset. You're right in not making a big deal of stuff.
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On January 17 2012 22:05 Iranon wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:36 Brett wrote:
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read. Yeah, I don't see what you think people are missing here. You didn't have plans with her for that night, and something came up for her. She told you "we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day". Without having her exact words, that's what we have to go on. Note the emphasis. Who gives a shit? If you didn't even have specific plans, make plans to do anniversary stuff on some other day. Or do anniversary stuff on the following weekend. When she said that, did you respond with "oh, that's too bad, want to make plans for the following night then?" or did you just put a surprised face on and mope around...
Everything you asked was answered xD... When she told me, I just said ok and we kept watching HIMYM lol.
And he isn't pissed off, he's just asking whether we would be.
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On January 17 2012 21:00 Brett wrote:
Personally, I'm not too bothered by her spending the night with her sister instead of me, but was a bit annoyed that she just made the choice without even discussing it with me. My friends/mother have a different view... Anyway, sound off below!
It wouldn't bother me at all, unless the relationship was going towards an engagement an eventual marriage.
Thing is, gf bf for a year ... sure is important, but sister back from abroad first time seeing her, I see the need for keeping that as a family event, and I think the right thing to do is just being okay with it.
Some times important events overlap, and I think it's fine to just celebrate on another day.
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It's just an arbitrary day. It's not like she bailed on your plans, and hell you're spending time with her anyways. If you want a relationship to work, you really only have to follow one rule: Don't be a little bitch.
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Why do you even think about things like this? Completely irrelevant.
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
On January 17 2012 21:36 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:31 Cr4zyH0r5e wrote:
lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read.
nope this is pretty much the perfect response. instead of making some dumbass response how about you elaborate on why you think this is incorrect
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On January 17 2012 21:48 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:39 KeksX wrote:
The only reason to be upset would be if you actually had plans, for example if you planned a nice dinner with her etc. But if you only ASSUMED that this kind of stuff would be happening there's no reason at all to be upset! Yeah, fair point. I posted this because the people close to me seem to be more upset about than me and I wanted a larger cross section of opinion. When she told me, I just said ok and we kept watching HIMYM lol.
Probably because you brought the topic up with them and they are trying to take your side. Maybe i'm just not the talkative type but i do believe are fairly upset about it but at the same time realise how stupid it is to be. Why else would you even bring up the topic with your family and friends if you were not at least a little cheesed off.
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I actually just think your friends want to see a little conflict. You're definitely right, it's not a big deal; sucks she didn't tell you about spending the night going out with her sister but w/e, bridges in communications occur.
However, there are some cultures where the 1st yr anniversary is some ridiculous deal though, I guess I can see someone in those cultures being super pissed off. Otherwise in your situation you're right, mild annoyance seems to be the perfect emotion.
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She doesn't need to ask you and really, at the end of the day, a one year anniversary isn't that big of a deal.
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On January 17 2012 22:32 Brees wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:36 Brett wrote:On January 17 2012 21:31 Cr4zyH0r5e wrote:
lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read. nope this is pretty much the perfect response. instead of making some dumbass response how about you elaborate on why you think this is incorrect
Dude please stop this. You are wrong and you can read up for yourself why.
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Yeah you're right not to let it bother you, especially if you have something planned for the weekend. Your family and friends probably thought it bothered you since you brought it up to them and were just backing you up.
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All I can say it that you're a better man than I am, whenever my girlfriend brings up something like anniversarys, birthdays etc I'm always suprised since I don't really know when they are (though I've learned to feign not being suprised since it's not good at all to tell her you don't know when her birthday is) :p
I rarely know wich date/month it is everyday even so even if I knew the exact dates for our anniversary I'd have a hard time keeping up.
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It wouldn't bother me, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't bother most guys. Girls, however would be furious.
With my gf, there's some debate as to what date our anniversary actually is.
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I've been with my girlfriend for the better part of six years...
Don't worry too much about how you can't hit the exact date for the anniversary; you can still celebrate it a few days (or even a week or so) off Sometimes, other things will get in the way of future plans and holidays (anniversaries, valentine's days, birthdays, etc.), and so you'll have to be a bit flexible with the idea of moving around celebrations for these days, regardless of whether you like what she's doing instead of seeing you.
I went through a long distance relationship with my girlfriend, throughout college. We saw each other when we could, and those were the times that were important. If our anniversary happened to land in the middle of a school week for both of us, we waited until a weekend or another free piece of time. What's important is that you eventually get to spend time with her. Your girlfriend obviously finds it important to spend time with her family as well, and that's better than her not wanting to spend time with family. Don't worry about this one
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caring about spending time with your gf is a good thing, but having the date not falling on exactly your anniversary is not a big deal, it happens all the time for all sorts of events. just celebrate it at the closest convenient time for both people. you wouldn't want to go on the date anyway if your gf was distracted by the fact that she wants to spend time with her sister
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So you see her all the time. You have her all to yourself the following weekend. She hasn't seen her sister in over a month. I think you should completely understand her wanting to see her sister. That is actually a great characteristic in her. She obviously really cares about her family.
It's not a big deal to not celebrate it on the actual day of the anniversary. If things are successful between you two then there will be many more holidays, birthdays and anniversaries.
But I do have one question. Why can't there be some sort of compromise? I am not too sure how much time you spend with her family but if they are doing something special for her return, shouldn't you be involved? And the final question is do you want to be there?
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I think anniversarys and things of that nature are for women. So if she wants to let it slide by , I don't see why it should bother you. No need to look any further into the meaning of it IMO.
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Been with my GF for 7+ years. We've never done anything super special on our anniversary.
I'd say that she should actually include you on that day, rather than leave you out of it, but if she chooses not to involve you there's not much you can do about it.
Relationships are about compromise, and sometimes you need to practice with compromise with real life. Things don't always work out the way you'd like them to, and sometimes all you can do is deal with it and move on.
I know that 1 year feels like a long time at first, and it is definitely a a milestone, but if you're in a truly stable relationship that is going to last, 1 year really isn't a big deal.
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I don't think it is that big of a deal, I can see being upset that she wanted to see her sister over you without discussing it with you. But really if you are going to see eachother that weekend and have plans just celebrate it then, if this is a meaningful relationship you will have plenty of other anniversaries and such. I have been with my girlfriend for over 6 years and parts of that have been long distance. Often times we have to miss important dates and even when we are in the same area we often miss events for having to live our lives.
The important part is that if it is important to you, you tell her that and then have a special day at some other time.
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I think she would appreciate if you invited her out another day to mark the occation.
You seem to be over reacting. All in all its just a day.
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Man, when I get time alone to play games or watch SC2, I'm so happy! Don't make a big deal out of it and she'll reward you 10-fold.
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If it's important to /you/ to do something on the day then make sure she is aware of it and just work around her schedule as best you can.
Also, don't be too surprised that she puts her sister above you in some ways. You have been together 1 year she has been with her sister for her whole life (less 3 years).
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wtf, not a big deal at all
rek is right
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I think your family is just trying to be supportive and doesn't actually care that much / are zealously defending you.
The most you could expect is seeing her sister come back from the airport and hanging out with their family. Your gf probably decided that's not what you want. If she's got close ties with her immediate family that's important and something you should cherish. There are a lot of people who would not care at all about their sibling coming back from being away.
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Are you male or female OP?
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I'm mainly amused that you're being the girl in the relationship
Should she have discussed with you? yes. Should you talk to her about this afterwards? yes. Should you make a bigger deal about it than that? no
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Dude it's her sister. In the grand scheme of things you are nothing compared to family, especially after only a year.
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No offense you sound like a girl. My girlfriend is the one who has to remind me dates and get mad when i forget. Relax..
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I wouldn't be mad at my GF, she's been with her sister way longer than you and sometimes family obligations just push the BF to the side. I've dealt with it with my GF of 4.5 years. And it's never an issue, just be understanding!
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So wait, you're mad that she stayed with her sister over you?
Sounds like a have a prime opportunity to game it up all night or hang out with some friends. Not sure I understand the problem here. -_-a
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
On January 17 2012 22:48 KeksX wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 22:32 Brees wrote:On January 17 2012 21:36 Brett wrote:On January 17 2012 21:31 Cr4zyH0r5e wrote:
lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read. nope this is pretty much the perfect response. instead of making some dumbass response how about you elaborate on why you think this is incorrect Dude please stop this. You are wrong and you can read up for yourself why.
explain then, i just read the post again and this remains the perfect response.
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wouldn't be fussed about such futilities.
(had a 5 year long relationship)
She doesn't really need to discuss such things with you honestly & if you think she does then you're doing it wrong. Unless you're living together & whatnot then she should probably discuss such things with you but... you've been together for a year, i mean really, a year & already complaining about her not discussing things with you.. Keep it up & you'll be single sooner than later.
oh & don't ban people from your blogs for expressing their opinions on your blogs, it just makes you look rather childish & incapable of dealing with harsh opinions towards you & your views.
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On January 18 2012 01:49 Brees wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 22:48 KeksX wrote:On January 17 2012 22:32 Brees wrote:On January 17 2012 21:36 Brett wrote:On January 17 2012 21:31 Cr4zyH0r5e wrote:
lol wut?
You're asking her to ditch people she grew up with and known her whole life to go out with you 1 more night when you already have plans to go away for the next weekend.
Also, you're neither married nor buying a house. She doesn't need to ask you to make calls about her own life.
Thanks, but you should probably learn to read. nope this is pretty much the perfect response. instead of making some dumbass response how about you elaborate on why you think this is incorrect Dude please stop this. You are wrong and you can read up for yourself why. explain then, i just read the post again and this remains the perfect response.
He wasn't upset, he wasn't bothered with it and said "I think this is wrong", he was not looking to "justify his upsetness".
He was not asking her to ditch others, he didn't say that she should ask himto make calls about her own life.
Everything Cr4zy0r5e did was assuming. Thats not the perfect response.
The perfect response is something like this:
"I don't think she's in the wrong, it's good that you didn't say anything about it. The reaction of your friends and family is not justified."
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How did you even last a year?
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
1. no where in the post does the original post state that the OP is "upset or bothered"
2. he specifically states in the OP that he was annoyed and disappointed at first so this implies that he thinks he is more important then her family for some reason
3. he's questioning something that has nothing to do with his life besides a stupid anniversary that is purely of sentimental value. So yea once again, she doesn't need his input on how she is going to spend her day to day life.
4. the fact that they are going to be together the entire weekend is just the icing on the cake that makes the OP hard to merit a response more polite then what was stated.
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From what you said, she did discuss it with you. You said she mentioned that her sister will be coming home the same day as your anniversary, and so she wouldn't be able to spend it with you. Although understandable, you shouldn't be annoyed that she made a choice without discussing it with you. She shouldn't have to discuss every choice with you before she makes it, especially if it has to do with her family. Regardless of how small the event may be, it's still family. If you are serious about her, then that is the choice you should want her to make. It's fine to feel disappointed, but in the long run, you'll appreciate that she has priorities.
You can take consolation in the fact that, you can still celebrate it on the weekend as you planned a weekend together. If it means that much to you, celebrate the day after or send flowers on the day of. You assumed that you'd be spending your anniversary day with her, assumed it is as important to her as it is to you, and now you're assuming that nothing can be done. I'd say show some initiative and do what you can and do it because you want to, and not because you assumed it's "normal". Don't go over the top and respect her decision.
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On January 17 2012 21:09 Rekrul wrote:
you should be thankful
thread solved
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On January 17 2012 21:09 Rekrul wrote:
you should be thankful
rofl, yes saved from pointless obligations. don't let the opinions of others inject doubt into your own mind, just let it be
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On January 18 2012 02:42 scMellOw wrote:
wouldn't be fussed about such futilities.
(had a 5 year long relationship)
She doesn't really need to discuss such things with you honestly & if you think she does then you're doing it wrong. Unless you're living together & whatnot then she should probably discuss such things with you but... you've been together for a year, i mean really, a year & already complaining about her not discussing things with you.. Keep it up & you'll be single sooner than later.
oh & don't ban people from your blogs for expressing their opinions on your blogs, it just makes you look rather childish & incapable of dealing with harsh opinions towards you & your views.
I ban people from this blog for not actually reading what I've writtenly properly, and making stupid assumptions. It's my blog, and here, I can remove posters from access. Besides nobody is obligated to post here.
I disagree with you on whether she should discuss stuff like this, because I don't believe that some arbitrary time comes when certain 'standards' kick in for the relationship. Is it critical to me? No. Like I said, I didn't make an issue of this. WHich you'd know if you'd read the whole thread.
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i wouldn't mind at all. we barely congratulate birthdays to each other, anniversaries go by with a "hey look its our anniversary LOL" at around 9 pm. they're just like any other days, and we both don't give significance to one out of 365, we give much more significance to the ones we can spend together and do stuff, or not do stuff, or support one another etc, and there are lots more of those yearly.
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On January 17 2012 23:55 Barrin wrote:
This means next to nothing, and not letting it affect you (honestly simply talking about it with other people than her is a sign that it does affect you).
The best thing to do here is the masculine thing: not give a shit.
How do you even reason to your conclusion?
There was a discussion -> He must have brought it up
?
The only reason I brought it up here is that I was surprised that my fam/friends were more agitated than I was. So I came here for further opinion. Turns out, most people are similar to me in that they didn't think it was a big deal. Despite this, some people decide to jump on my words like 'surprise' and 'a bit annoyed' and go all Dr Phil on me to say that I'm being emotional, a girl, or whatever. If I need to simplify the thought process, it was
"Not doing something? Oh ok, hmm, would have been nice to have been asked whether we were doing something first. Oh well, back to HIMYM". Done.
Then it comes up in conversation and everyone is like "Oh really? WTH, her sister has only been gone a month. Did she ask you to go with them at least? blah blah"
My thought process was not that of my fam/friends, nor that assumed by many people in this blog. I don't know how I can make it more simple than that.
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On January 18 2012 00:44 KOFgokuon wrote:
I'm mainly amused that you're being the girl in the relationship
Should she have discussed with you? yes. Should you talk to her about this afterwards? yes. Should you make a bigger deal about it than that? no
Prime example. Where have I made a big deal about it with her? lol
Jesus, people.
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Whoever told you it was a big deal deserves a slap. Stop asking for advice on how to talk to/interact with your gf on the internet, period. Talk about it with her if you have a problem , and if you dont (as you claim) then ignore other people trying to tell you you should have a problem with it. Its your decision wether its okay or not and not your friends' /families'
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mm; naw dont be mad
i was waiting for a kicker like.. then she cheated on you.. but nothing like that.
anyway; month or not; its family first.
if i was her shoes, and my gf or bf got mad at me for something like that.. i was kinda be like.. wtf? thats a red flag. if youre gonna get mad at something like that.. who knows what other small stuff will tick you off..
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United States5162 Posts
On January 18 2012 05:43 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2012 00:44 KOFgokuon wrote:
I'm mainly amused that you're being the girl in the relationship
Should she have discussed with you? yes. Should you talk to her about this afterwards? yes. Should you make a bigger deal about it than that? no Prime example. Where have I made a big deal about it with her? lol Jesus, people.
The fact that you posted it in the first place insinuates it matters to you. Most guys wouldn't have a second thought, let alone make a blog. Also your title, which despite being a question, comes off as rhetorical.
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Whether you like it or not you are her bf and have been together a year. Really nothing that special. If you were married it would probably be a deal on some lvl. What you need to understand is that any sister that has a good relationship would still be closer than you, you have been around for a year she has been there forever. If she actually favored you over her sister I would say she was doing something wrong. People put too much importance on there gf or bf as a general rule these days. Until you are married take it easy and understand that family will probably take first in line of importance. Btw I have been married for 4 years now and have a great relationship with both my wife and her family so I am not some high-school scrub.
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Your response should have been, "too bad, I was planning to get you a really nice present!"
Then tell her that since she's busy that day you made plans to get together with your ex "to catch up".
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On January 18 2012 07:34 ziggurat wrote:
Your response should have been, "too bad, I was planning to get you a really nice present!"
Then tell her that since she's busy that day you made plans to get together with your ex "to catch up".
That ends the relationship.... pretty fast! But that was not his intention IIRC. XD
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You shouldn't be mad, no way. Just so long as you guys get to celebrate somehow, the actual day doesn't matter. It's her sister who she'll have for her entire life, and you may or may not be.
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i feel like over thinking the situation is a dangerous thing to do, they are sisters and have been friends their entire life, and most guys will never understand the bond between two sisters. Ive been with my gf for over 3 years and admittedly it still bothers me to some extent when my gf choose her sister over me, esp for some of the crazy things that her sister asks of her.
but thats not the point, just think about the outcomes, what will being mad at her achieve? what will happen is you delay you anniversary
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I would be fine with it, I mean the day itself is of little significance, you day is just that, a day, what you guys are celebrating is the fact you have been together for a year, and its the celebration that counts. Its like when you have a birthday 3 days after your birthday because its more convenient. I wouldnt worry about it. If she blew off the entire celebration, I wouldnt be too happy.
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On January 18 2012 07:34 ziggurat wrote:
Your response should have been, "too bad, I was planning to get you a really nice present!"
Then tell her that since she's busy that day you made plans to get together with your ex "to catch up".
I believe the preferred nomenclature for this is being a little bitch.
@OP who cares, just see her the next day. This just sounds like your mom/friends got you insecure about it.
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I wouldn't be pissed. I most likely wouldn't know about the anniversary in the first place. Then again, we're all different and if something pisses you off it's not right or wrong, it's just the way it is.
Either way I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and try to be more understanding, even more so since it's just your first year, which means your relationship shouldn't be serious enough for it to interfere with her family issues.
Honestly I don't see what you could gain in this situation by complaining. If you do complain, you probably won't get to spend the day with her anyway and even if you do, she'll be pissed off the whole time and could ruin it. You can probably gain more "relationship dominance" if you pretend like you don't care at all, so expressing yourself in this case doesn't seem reasonable to me.
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anniverseries are overrated especially if its only one year
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Fuck that, it's a year. If the relationship is legit in any manner, you'll have plenty more in the future. I've never been sentimental about doing special things on specific dates, it should be enough that you can both acknowledge it in the first place.
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On January 18 2012 05:52 Kleinmuuhg wrote:
...Stop asking for advice on how to talk to/interact with your gf on the internet, period....
I'm not. I was curious about how others would view it. Anyway, I understand your point.
On January 18 2012 06:38 jjun212 wrote:
mm; naw dont be mad
i was waiting for a kicker like.. then she cheated on you.. but nothing like that.
anyway; month or not; its family first.
if i was her shoes, and my gf or bf got mad at me for something like that.. i was kinda be like.. wtf? thats a red flag. if youre gonna get mad at something like that.. who knows what other small stuff will tick you off..
Please read things, then respond. A cookie for effort I guess?
On January 18 2012 07:01 Vulture174 wrote:
Whether you like it or not you are her bf and have been together a year. Really nothing that special. If you were married it would probably be a deal on some lvl. What you need to understand is that any sister that has a good relationship would still be closer than you, you have been around for a year she has been there forever. If she actually favored you over her sister I would say she was doing something wrong. People put too much importance on there gf or bf as a general rule these days. Until you are married take it easy and understand that family will probably take first in line of importance. Btw I have been married for 4 years now and have a great relationship with both my wife and her family so I am not some high-school scrub.
Yeah, I agree with that. Like someone else said after you, I think my fam/friends' reaction threw me.
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definitly no big deal. you can always celebrate weekend/day after/before
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Honestly I'd be a bit annoyed she didnt bring it up sooner but not overly upset about anything else other than the timing that she told you. As you said you spend a lot of time with her the week after. Not a huge deal I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
Enjoy your weekend with her I know this happened with me for my 2 year anniversary with my ex and all you need to be is understanding and it all works out wonderfully lol
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On January 18 2012 05:37 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 23:55 Barrin wrote:
This means next to nothing, and not letting it affect you (honestly simply talking about it with other people than her is a sign that it does affect you).
The best thing to do here is the masculine thing: not give a shit. How do you even reason to your conclusion? There was a discussion -> He must have brought it up ? The only reason I brought it up here is that I was surprised that my fam/friends were more agitated than I was. So I came here for further opinion. Turns out, most people are similar to me in that they didn't think it was a big deal. Despite this, some people decide to jump on my words like 'surprise' and 'a bit annoyed' and go all Dr Phil on me to say that I'm being emotional, a girl, or whatever. If I need to simplify the thought process, it was "Not doing something? Oh ok, hmm, would have been nice to have been asked whether we were doing something first. Oh well, back to HIMYM". Done. Then it comes up in conversation and everyone is like "Oh really? WTH, her sister has only been gone a month. Did she ask you to go with them at least? blah blah" My thought process was not that of my fam/friends, nor that assumed by many people in this blog. I don't know how I can make it more simple than that.
We reached this particular conclusion not because of you blogging it but rather because you saw fit to bitch and whine bring up the issue with friends and family. Whom also realising that you are upset because why else would you even talk to them about it decided to support you and trash talk the heartless bitch.
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On January 18 2012 10:58 ShadeR wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2012 05:37 Brett wrote:On January 17 2012 23:55 Barrin wrote:
This means next to nothing, and not letting it affect you (honestly simply talking about it with other people than her is a sign that it does affect you).
The best thing to do here is the masculine thing: not give a shit. How do you even reason to your conclusion? There was a discussion -> He must have brought it up ? The only reason I brought it up here is that I was surprised that my fam/friends were more agitated than I was. So I came here for further opinion. Turns out, most people are similar to me in that they didn't think it was a big deal. Despite this, some people decide to jump on my words like 'surprise' and 'a bit annoyed' and go all Dr Phil on me to say that I'm being emotional, a girl, or whatever. If I need to simplify the thought process, it was "Not doing something? Oh ok, hmm, would have been nice to have been asked whether we were doing something first. Oh well, back to HIMYM". Done. Then it comes up in conversation and everyone is like "Oh really? WTH, her sister has only been gone a month. Did she ask you to go with them at least? blah blah" My thought process was not that of my fam/friends, nor that assumed by many people in this blog. I don't know how I can make it more simple than that. We reached this particular conclusion not because of you blogging it but rather because you saw fit to bitch and whine bring up the issue with friends and family. Whom also realising that you are upset because why else would you even talk to them about it decided to support you and trash talk the heartless bitch.
You're making assumptions. The same as the person I quoted in that excerpt. I didn't bring it up with them. Do I have to put that in big font, italics? You don't have friends and family ask you what you're doing for a birthday? You've never asked your friends what they're doing for valentines day? People ask others about what is going on in your life assuming you have a life when you step away from the computer (oh look what I did there). This is not a difficult concept, buddy . I'm happy to have input, but please understand what has already been discussed in the past 5 pages before teeing off with the heroism.
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if she's that special some one then you'd be spending plenty of anniversary together anyway ...
if she's not, then you just dodged the bullet buddy
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On January 18 2012 11:09 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2012 10:58 ShadeR wrote:On January 18 2012 05:37 Brett wrote:On January 17 2012 23:55 Barrin wrote:
This means next to nothing, and not letting it affect you (honestly simply talking about it with other people than her is a sign that it does affect you).
The best thing to do here is the masculine thing: not give a shit. How do you even reason to your conclusion? There was a discussion -> He must have brought it up ? The only reason I brought it up here is that I was surprised that my fam/friends were more agitated than I was. So I came here for further opinion. Turns out, most people are similar to me in that they didn't think it was a big deal. Despite this, some people decide to jump on my words like 'surprise' and 'a bit annoyed' and go all Dr Phil on me to say that I'm being emotional, a girl, or whatever. If I need to simplify the thought process, it was "Not doing something? Oh ok, hmm, would have been nice to have been asked whether we were doing something first. Oh well, back to HIMYM". Done. Then it comes up in conversation and everyone is like "Oh really? WTH, her sister has only been gone a month. Did she ask you to go with them at least? blah blah" My thought process was not that of my fam/friends, nor that assumed by many people in this blog. I don't know how I can make it more simple than that. We reached this particular conclusion not because of you blogging it but rather because you saw fit to bitch and whine bring up the issue with friends and family. Whom also realising that you are upset because why else would you even talk to them about it decided to support you and trash talk the heartless bitch. You're making assumptions. The same as the person I quoted in that excerpt. I didn't bring it up with them. Do I have to put that in big font, italics? You don't have friends and family ask you what you're doing for a birthday? You've never asked your friends what they're doing for valentines day? People ask others about what is going on in your life assuming you have a life when you step away from the computer (oh look what I did there). This is not a difficult concept, buddy . I'm happy to have input, but please understand what has already been discussed in the past 5 pages before teeing off with the heroism.
I don't think you've made enough posts about how it doesn't bother you yet. If I were you I'd post that it doesn't bother you a couple more times right away.
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On January 18 2012 13:54 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2012 11:09 Brett wrote:On January 18 2012 10:58 ShadeR wrote:On January 18 2012 05:37 Brett wrote:On January 17 2012 23:55 Barrin wrote:
This means next to nothing, and not letting it affect you (honestly simply talking about it with other people than her is a sign that it does affect you).
The best thing to do here is the masculine thing: not give a shit. How do you even reason to your conclusion? There was a discussion -> He must have brought it up ? The only reason I brought it up here is that I was surprised that my fam/friends were more agitated than I was. So I came here for further opinion. Turns out, most people are similar to me in that they didn't think it was a big deal. Despite this, some people decide to jump on my words like 'surprise' and 'a bit annoyed' and go all Dr Phil on me to say that I'm being emotional, a girl, or whatever. If I need to simplify the thought process, it was "Not doing something? Oh ok, hmm, would have been nice to have been asked whether we were doing something first. Oh well, back to HIMYM". Done. Then it comes up in conversation and everyone is like "Oh really? WTH, her sister has only been gone a month. Did she ask you to go with them at least? blah blah" My thought process was not that of my fam/friends, nor that assumed by many people in this blog. I don't know how I can make it more simple than that. We reached this particular conclusion not because of you blogging it but rather because you saw fit to bitch and whine bring up the issue with friends and family. Whom also realising that you are upset because why else would you even talk to them about it decided to support you and trash talk the heartless bitch. You're making assumptions. The same as the person I quoted in that excerpt. I didn't bring it up with them. Do I have to put that in big font, italics? You don't have friends and family ask you what you're doing for a birthday? You've never asked your friends what they're doing for valentines day? People ask others about what is going on in your life assuming you have a life when you step away from the computer (oh look what I did there). This is not a difficult concept, buddy . I'm happy to have input, but please understand what has already been discussed in the past 5 pages before teeing off with the heroism. I don't think you've made enough posts about how it doesn't bother you yet. If I were you I'd post that it doesn't bother you a couple more times right away.
Hahaha, amazing contribution, kid. Thanks.
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Is this really such a big deal ?
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Why is a day special because it's one year after you started dating? That seems kinda dumb in the first place... and the kinda thing girls usually care about, not guys /sexism. I think you're way overreacting.
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On January 18 2012 16:45 Jonoman92 wrote:
Why is a day special because it's one year after you started dating? That seems kinda dumb in the first place... and the kinda thing girls usually care about, not guys /sexism. I think you're way overreacting.
If overreacting is simply posting a thread about it asking for complete randoms to voice their opinion, then, uhhh, guilty. If you think it's something more than that, you didn't read it properly.
On January 18 2012 16:40 SarR wrote:
Is this really such a big deal ?
No, I was just curious about how everyone else would react. End of story really.
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really OP grow up.
I just dont know what more to say here. Your girlfriend is not going to leave you. So be a man and say that you can understand that she wants to spend some time with her sister who she didnt see for a month while she did see your face probably every day
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On January 18 2012 17:08 Skilledblob wrote:
really OP grow up.
I just dont know what more to say here. Your girlfriend is not going to leave you. So be a man and say that you can understand that she wants to spend some time with her sister who she didnt see for a month while she did see your face probably every day
Useless. Your second sentence should have tipped you off to the fact that you really had nothing to add here. Then you go off on some tangent. Frankly I don't know how you reach the conclusion you do. But whatever.
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if this bothers you enough to make a blog post about it, and say it doesn't bother you, you need to re evaluate your life.
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lol and I'm the dramatic one? riiiight
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Sometimes the answers make the full blog so much more entertaining.
Sorry Brett(That name is so funny for me as a German >.< lol), I know what you wanted to say and all that, but you gotta admit that its kinda funny how people respond. xD
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The problem is in communication. She wont know how important it is for you unless you tell her...
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
so you were annoyed but not upset? haha ok well if ur ok with it then its ok. but yea i wouldn't have thought a guy would;ve even thought about posting a blog about something like this, even if you weren't in a rage of jealousy or whatever... 
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United Kingdom16710 Posts
Did you have anything specific planned for the night? If so, did she know about it? It sounds like she thought the weekend away was the anniversary thing and thought the night of the actual day was free. If it bothers you that much just casually mention that you had some special plans. If she doens't react, just tell her to have fun with her sister and leave it.
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This seems like a great plot for a romantic comedy.
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No i wouldn't. But if you are you should tell her instead of repressing your feelings. Any event has the meaning we give it, so it may simply not mean much to her, while obviously means a lot to you. Try to understand that.
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What a stupid thing to be annoyed about. Stop being a baby and ignore your dumb friends and family
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girl opinion - anniversary is of course important but family is very important for some people too....u can say 2 her how you feel about what happened in a nice way just so she is aware of what your feelings are....but u will win brownie points for respecting the importance of her family relationship and offering an alternative date to do something special and romantic etc
its natural to feel a bit jealous about it and i can understand your friends or family saying "hey thats a bit weird" but they are partly just saying that to express support for you because they feel that thats what you are expecting them to say
be honest with her (thats good investment for the long term) but make it 100% clear that you are totally cool with her doing the family thing
one thing to remember is there are sometimes other pressures going on that you dont know about eg maybe her parents expect her to be there to see her sister etc etc....that may not be so in this case but just as a general rule its always wise to remember there may be another side to the story
glgl!!
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On January 18 2012 08:58 Brett wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2012 06:38 jjun212 wrote:
mm; naw dont be mad
i was waiting for a kicker like.. then she cheated on you.. but nothing like that.
anyway; month or not; its family first.
if i was her shoes, and my gf or bf got mad at me for something like that.. i was kinda be like.. wtf? thats a red flag. if youre gonna get mad at something like that.. who knows what other small stuff will tick you off.. Please read things, then respond. A cookie for effort I guess?
It would help if you actually read and understood his post in the first place. He was saying that it would be pointless to be mad at something like this because it would open the door for everything else to make you mad, too. If you can't tell that his post is saying "no, I wouldn't be pissed off, and I don't think anybody should ever be pissed off," then you don't have any right to be yelling at people to read better. It's ironic how the one who says everybody is making assumptions is the one making assumptions in the first place. Not everybody is accusing you of something.
In any case, I would have to say no. There's really no point in getting mad at something like this. It might be disappointing, but most people would probably agree that they could manage.
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Family is more important than any arbitrary date of celebration. Really, you have to consider the fact that while it is your anniversary as a couple, you're not married yet or anything. I think your initial reaction is something completely normal, but don't blow it all out of proportion. I'm sure she'll make up to you somehow. Don't make this a point of conflict because really, what's an anniversary vs her sister?
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Your anniversary will happen every year. I'd be frustrated but I would also understand. That's what a relationship is all about isn't it?
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Doesn't sound like too big of a deal to me, I never liked how my ex liked to make so much of small occasions like the one that you have coming up.
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Osaka27135 Posts
Seems like you aren't empathetic enough to realize how important this day might be for your girlfriend's sister. How is she going to feel when she gets home, wants to share her experience and photos, and your girlfriend has to leave to be with you?
Need to start thinking beyond the immediate impact.
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I can only hope to one day live in a world where girlfriends don't give a shit about birthdays and anniversaries.
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On January 19 2012 12:27 Zeke50100 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 18 2012 08:58 Brett wrote:On January 18 2012 06:38 jjun212 wrote:
mm; naw dont be mad
i was waiting for a kicker like.. then she cheated on you.. but nothing like that.
anyway; month or not; its family first.
if i was her shoes, and my gf or bf got mad at me for something like that.. i was kinda be like.. wtf? thats a red flag. if youre gonna get mad at something like that.. who knows what other small stuff will tick you off.. Please read things, then respond. A cookie for effort I guess? It would help if you actually read and understood his post in the first place. He was saying that it would be pointless to be mad at something like this because it would open the door for everything else to make you mad, too. If you can't tell that his post is saying "no, I wouldn't be pissed off, and I don't think anybody should ever be pissed off," then you don't have any right to be yelling at people to read better. It's ironic how the one who says everybody is making assumptions is the one making assumptions in the first place. Not everybody is accusing you of something. In any case, I would have to say no. There's really no point in getting mad at something like this. It might be disappointing, but most people would probably agree that they could manage.
Your evaluation essentially ignores the first two lines of his post and, thus, the context of it. Had he started at 'month or not..' I'd actually agree with you. Instead he's insinuating I was mad at her about this, when this is actually a few days ago now, and the issue is dead as far as she and I are concerned. It was nothing but a mild annoyance I felt which I immediately got over. My post was made purely because of the reaction my fam/friends showed to me, and a curiosity for others' opinions. This has been made clear a few times now. Thus any attempt to treat me like someone who is angry, over-reacting, etc is completely useless to me and not worth my time reading.
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OP obviously hasn't seen the movie Taken, Europe is a very dangerous place bro. She's glad that her sister made it out alive.
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On January 19 2012 13:39 Manifesto7 wrote:
Seems like you aren't empathetic enough to realize how important this day might be for your girlfriend's sister. How is she going to feel when she gets home, wants to share her experience and photos, and your girlfriend has to leave to be with you?
Need to start thinking beyond the immediate impact.
I appreciate that. My annoyance was transitory, and completely in my own head. The second I stopped to think about the issue, when I was playing FFVI the next day I think, I was pretty much over it. I never made an issue out of it because even my initial adverse reaction was minor (i.e. a thought).
I have no siblings, which probably contributed to my initial thought.
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On January 18 2012 19:58 Telcontar wrote:
Did you have anything specific planned for the night? If so, did she know about it? It sounds like she thought the weekend away was the anniversary thing and thought the night of the actual day was free. If it bothers you that much just casually mention that you had some special plans. If she doens't react, just tell her to have fun with her sister and leave it.
No we didn't. And she probably did put the weekend into her consideration. It's not a big deal; I didn't bring it up with her, and don't intend to.
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I personally have no problem with what she's doing, especially since you're going away together soon.
That being said, if it irks you even in the slightest, make sure that you talk to her about it and make it clear that, while you don't mind that she's doing it, you'd appreciate it if she brought something like that to you before making her decision next time.
Best of luck to both of you.
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On January 19 2012 13:57 Arthemesia wrote:
OP obviously hasn't seen the movie Taken, Europe is a very dangerous place bro. She's glad that her sister made it out alive.
lol awesome reference in a non insulting way!
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I wouldn't be mad at the gf, but I would rather be frustrated at the coincidence. It sucks how they are both on the same day. Sisters generally share a very close bond and your gf hasnt seen her sister for a month. you've probably seen here a gabazillion times before then so in my opinion it is extremely understandable why your gf would choose to see her sister (from the looks of it it seems like they are very very close). Celebrate on the day after! the purpose of celebrating an anniversary is to celebrate how your relationship has stood strong in the test of time, not the legendary day. if you guys are super serious than things such as the exact date of the anniversary will pale in comparison to the larger scope of your relationship. though i understand that i would be nice to celebrate on the actual day.
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I've been married for 2 years and dated my wife for about 6 before that. When we dated we never celebrated an anniversary. Honestly it seemed silly. You're dating. Anniversaries are for marriage. You should be happy you get the day off. Sounds nice.
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Dude, really? Not to be rude but you sound like the smothering type.
She's handling this properly, let it go.
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On January 21 2012 11:08 SeraKuDA wrote:
Dude, really? Not to be rude but you sound like the smothering type.
She's handling this properly, let it go.
Dude, really? Not to be rude but you sound like the poor reading comprehension type.
It's in the thread, let it go.
xoxo
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I read it and I understand it. I'm sorry if it offends, but it's the truth. I know people that have been too smothering over their girlfriends, and in the end they always break up. It starts with little things like this. Give her some space and chill out.
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He
wasn't
annoyed or
bothered with it
at all
he was
just
asking
for
our opinion.
This is getting really, really silly.
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Hmm.
If I were in your shoes, I would tell her that it's ok that you guys won't have time on that day, but for future reference, you would appreciate a heads up, or be allowed to have a discussion about it before a decision is reached.
There's not much you can do about the current circumstance, and making a big deal out of it would most likely end up horribly...
so just let her know
"I'm fine with the current plans, but I would appreciate it if next time you discuss plans with me in matters involving our relationship before reaching a decision."
I feel that this is the most diplomatic approach.
Good luck.
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Why the hell would you be pissed off at her for something so trivial and out of your control? Why are you even asking us such a question? It has everything to do with you.
Get over it. You can always celebrate it tomorrow.
._.
P.S. The fact that you decided to write a blog based on it sends me the message that it does more than bother you. If it's trivial I don't see why you would write about it. To me, it sounds like you are trying to find a way around it when the dinner table conversation wasn't enough.
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I've been with my gf for almost 4 years now. We try to spend time together on important days as much as possible.
Of course there are times when we are too busy or caught up and have to meet the day after. But we try.
I understand that in your case, your gf DOESN'T have to spend time that night with the fam. but you gotta know family always comes first. before marriage that is.
If my sister came back from a long vacation, then on the first day I think I would spend the day with my fam, and next day with gf. Actually, I'd like to spend the day with gf and day after with fam, but either way is fine. I don't think you should be too bothered with it.
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I don't really think you overreacted to the situation. I'm sure things have already been resolved, but to add my opinion of the matter: I'd just make sure you communicate the fact that the minor annoyance existed at all, despite being okay with it. If there's anything you might be overreacting to, it's to the people you're berating for misunderstanding the situation. When you call people kids or dismiss people's misguided opinions with "l2read", or whatever, it tends to give people external impressions about you that influences their perspective of what happened. Maybe work on that? 
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I didn't get to spend my 1st year anniversary with my boyfriend since I was out of town visiting family. But it was alright, because I pretty much saw him every day before and after that.
I would just celebrate the anniversary on a separate day this year. The date really isn't that important.
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Family first. Just celebrate the anniversary later. You're a guy you shouldn't be worrying about that sorry of thing
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On January 22 2012 00:56 KeksX wrote:
He
wasn't
annoyed or
bothered with it
at all
he was
just
asking
for
our opinion.
This is getting really, really silly.
I know. Sometimes I feel like an asshole for hating people... But this thread makes it too easy. He's explained it so clearly so many times and most people still misunderstand.
This is my understanding:
The OP posted this not because he felt 'angry' (he has specified that at most he felt fleeting disappointment/annoyance), but because he was surprised by how his family reacted when it came up in conversation (he didn't bring it up). He then became curious if this was a normal reaction since his family/friends were so "unanimous in their surprise" (ie should he actually be angry? etc) and so decided to ask the TL population about the situation.
Stupidly, a lot of the people berating him actually suggested the exact course of action he took.
My opinion:
Your family/friends are overreacting. You made the right choice in not making something of it. Other posters have mentioned that celebrating your anniversary on that specific date might be more important if the relationship had been going on longer/was very serious (ie living together, considering engagement etc), which I can get behind. \
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On January 22 2012 00:56 KeksX wrote:
He
wasn't
annoyed or
bothered with it
at all
he was
just
asking
for
our opinion.
This is getting really, really silly.
On January 17 2012 21:00 Brett wrote:
So in about a week my gf and I will have been together for a year. The relationship has been amazing, we're crazy about each other, and see it as a serious thing.
By coincedence, her little sister, who is about 3 years younger than her, gets back from a solo jaunt around Europe on the same day (she was gone for a month, and it was her first time overseas).
Anyway, the other night I was at my gf's place and she mentions that our anniversary falls on the same day that her sister gets back, and that that means we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day. I was a bit surprised, as I was already aware that my gf was going to the airport with her parents to pick her sister up before she went to work that day, and kind of assumed we'd go out that night. In the interests of full disclosure, I should also state that we are spending the following weekend away together interstate. I felt disappointed, maybe slightly annoyed, but not in a rage of jealousy.
To get to the point of this, I mentioned the above to my mates, and again to my mother at family dinner last night, and everyone was unanimous in their, well... surprise... at her apparent decision to cut me from that day. So, to those in, or those who have been in, serious relationships, would that bother you given the significance of your first year together? Or, given that we've made plans for the weekend, see each other often, and the circumstances of her sister's return, do you think it's no big deal if we don't celebrate on the day?
Personally, I'm not too bothered by her spending the night with her sister instead of me, but was a bit annoyed that she just made the choice without even discussing it with me. My friends/mother have a different view... Anyway, sound off below!
Couple things:
1.) Brett, you sound like a dick. Not from your OP, but from how you're responding to people who you seem to disagree with.
2.) I'm of the opinion that stuff like this is no big deal. One year is exciting, but so is seeing your sister for the first time after she's just traveled around the world. You'll see her the next day, you should be cool with that.
In other words, it's not worth getting upset over.
In the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, tell her how you feel, but also tell her that you don't expect her to change her plans, and you can't wait to have your anniversary dinner. Even if it's a day or two late.
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On January 24 2012 11:58 MrBitter wrote:Show nested quote +On January 22 2012 00:56 KeksX wrote:
He
wasn't
annoyed or
bothered with it
at all
he was
just
asking
for
our opinion.
This is getting really, really silly. Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:00 Brett wrote:
So in about a week my gf and I will have been together for a year. The relationship has been amazing, we're crazy about each other, and see it as a serious thing.
By coincedence, her little sister, who is about 3 years younger than her, gets back from a solo jaunt around Europe on the same day (she was gone for a month, and it was her first time overseas).
Anyway, the other night I was at my gf's place and she mentions that our anniversary falls on the same day that her sister gets back, and that that means we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day. I was a bit surprised, as I was already aware that my gf was going to the airport with her parents to pick her sister up before she went to work that day, and kind of assumed we'd go out that night. In the interests of full disclosure, I should also state that we are spending the following weekend away together interstate. I felt disappointed, maybe slightly annoyed, but not in a rage of jealousy.
To get to the point of this, I mentioned the above to my mates, and again to my mother at family dinner last night, and everyone was unanimous in their, well... surprise... at her apparent decision to cut me from that day. So, to those in, or those who have been in, serious relationships, would that bother you given the significance of your first year together? Or, given that we've made plans for the weekend, see each other often, and the circumstances of her sister's return, do you think it's no big deal if we don't celebrate on the day?
Personally, I'm not too bothered by her spending the night with her sister instead of me, but was a bit annoyed that she just made the choice without even discussing it with me. My friends/mother have a different view... Anyway, sound off below! Couple things: 1.) Brett, you sound like a dick. Not from your OP, but from how you're responding to people who you seem to disagree with. 2.) I'm of the opinion that stuff like this is no big deal. One year is exciting, but so is seeing your sister for the first time after she's just traveled around the world. You'll see her the next day, you should be cool with that. In other words, it's not worth getting upset over. In the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, tell her how you feel, but also tell her that you don't expect her to change her plans, and you can't wait to have your anniversary dinner. Even if it's a day or two late.
It's a funny thread. Brett on the one hand is getting pretty angry with people who are disagreeing with him. However they are the ones who are usually being pretty insulting as well. It never looks good to ask for advice or opinion and then criticise, however to be really fair, if Brett is being a dick to some posters here it's because they are being dicks to him first. You can disagree with him without being rude.
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Probably didn't discuss it with you because it's not up for debate, she's choosing to chill with her sister and not you. Ultimately it's a pretty good reason and you said yourself you're hanging out the rest of the week - no big deal IMO.
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Just buy here a small gift and give it to her the next day. Tell her you understand and you guess how much her little sister means to her. She'll love you that much more.
Edit; I really don't think you should be mad at her. It's family and you will be the outsider until you marry her. That's real life.
Rule 1; Never, ever get between family members, even if thay hate each other. You will come out singed or badly burned.
Remember. Your GF has known her little sister a lot longer than she has known you, and she's blood. Be cool, be happy.
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yeah next year when your are bored and definetively dont want to calabrate aniversary you can remeber this xd..
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I honestly can't believe this thread is still going...
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Since she let you know ahead of time I don't see a reason to make a big deal about it. Just move the celebration to the next available day. If she had forgotten completely, then that's different.
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On January 24 2012 11:58 MrBitter wrote:Show nested quote +On January 22 2012 00:56 KeksX wrote:
He
wasn't
annoyed or
bothered with it
at all
he was
just
asking
for
our opinion.
This is getting really, really silly. Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:00 Brett wrote:
So in about a week my gf and I will have been together for a year. The relationship has been amazing, we're crazy about each other, and see it as a serious thing.
By coincedence, her little sister, who is about 3 years younger than her, gets back from a solo jaunt around Europe on the same day (she was gone for a month, and it was her first time overseas).
Anyway, the other night I was at my gf's place and she mentions that our anniversary falls on the same day that her sister gets back, and that that means we won't get to do anything for our anniversary, on the actual day. I was a bit surprised, as I was already aware that my gf was going to the airport with her parents to pick her sister up before she went to work that day, and kind of assumed we'd go out that night. In the interests of full disclosure, I should also state that we are spending the following weekend away together interstate. I felt disappointed, maybe slightly annoyed, but not in a rage of jealousy.
To get to the point of this, I mentioned the above to my mates, and again to my mother at family dinner last night, and everyone was unanimous in their, well... surprise... at her apparent decision to cut me from that day. So, to those in, or those who have been in, serious relationships, would that bother you given the significance of your first year together? Or, given that we've made plans for the weekend, see each other often, and the circumstances of her sister's return, do you think it's no big deal if we don't celebrate on the day?
Personally, I'm not too bothered by her spending the night with her sister instead of me, but was a bit annoyed that she just made the choice without even discussing it with me. My friends/mother have a different view... Anyway, sound off below! Couple things: 1.) Brett, you sound like a dick. Not from your OP, but from how you're responding to people who you seem to disagree with. 2.) I'm of the opinion that stuff like this is no big deal. One year is exciting, but so is seeing your sister for the first time after she's just traveled around the world. You'll see her the next day, you should be cool with that. In other words, it's not worth getting upset over. In the spirit of full disclosure and honesty, tell her how you feel, but also tell her that you don't expect her to change her plans, and you can't wait to have your anniversary dinner. Even if it's a day or two late.
Okay you're right, my post wasn't correct.
But if I'm telling you that your post annoys me a bit you'd think that there's an issue we have to talk about and it's something important or of greater relevance? No, it just means that I have the urge to respond. And nothing else.
If it wasn't for this bit off annoyance there wouldn't be a blog about it. However, this doesn't mean it's an issue at all.
And you have to give him the "benefit of the doubt" that if he's saying there's no real issue. there's none. You can't just say
"Well you're saying something else but you did write "bit annoyed" so I think you're a major dick"(Refering to other posts, not yours).
You can say anything about the way he responds, but that doesn't mean you can just tell him what he's thinking when he's saying something different.
He didnt' say anything to her and he wanted to find other opinions to get a better view of it, but the only thing people did was judge his initial thoughts on it and base their posts around that. And this is, what I think, just silly.
He's asking
"Would you be pissed off at her?"
And says that he's a bit annoyed by it and doesn't do anything about it, yet people act like he threw a tantrum or something.
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On January 24 2012 09:46 Swede wrote:Show nested quote +On January 22 2012 00:56 KeksX wrote:
He
wasn't
annoyed or
bothered with it
at all
he was
just
asking
for
our opinion.
This is getting really, really silly. I know. Sometimes I feel like an asshole for hating people... But this thread makes it too easy. He's explained it so clearly so many times and most people still misunderstand. This is my understanding: The OP posted this not because he felt 'angry' (he has specified that at most he felt fleeting disappointment/annoyance), but because he was surprised by how his family reacted when it came up in conversation (he didn't bring it up). He then became curious if this was a normal reaction since his family/friends were so "unanimous in their surprise" (ie should he actually be angry? etc) and so decided to ask the TL population about the situation. Stupidly, a lot of the people berating him actually suggested the exact course of action he took. My opinion: Your family/friends are overreacting. You made the right choice in not making something of it. Other posters have mentioned that celebrating your anniversary on that specific date might be more important if the relationship had been going on longer/was very serious (ie living together, considering engagement etc), which I can get behind. \
Thank you, sir, and Keksx, for actually reading, then stopping to think for a second before going into Internet crusader mode and getting overdramatic... Unlike plenty of people in this thread.
@Mr Bitter
If I sound like a dick for berating idiots that decide to attack me personally before exercising an element of critical thinking, then so be it. If people want to express an opinion in a civil manner, then that's a different matter. Unfortunately, though not unsurprisingly, the people who have attacked me personally have tended to be the people who just didn't read, or actually think about what they read, before making some conclusion about me. Frankly I don't care to try and educate each and every one of these people.
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how close are the sisters? its just one day, anniversarys are shit. if you need one day to celebrate being together then you arent meant for each other... similar to valentines day. marriage anniversaries are a different story however.
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hahhaha
at 1 year anniversary, you feel like its been stolen from you
if you get to 10 years though, you'll long for the days when you would be off the hook like this :D
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Simple answer: no, I wouldn't be pissed.
I would be disappointed, just as you were obviously disappointed. I don't know how well your family knows your girlfriend's family, but I'm going to say it's natural for your family to be surprised about it since they mostly see it in your shoes. Good thing you have plans with her the following weekend, make the most out of it and celebrate the anniversary.
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On January 17 2012 21:39 Brett wrote:Cool, thanks guys, but l2read.User was warned for this postedit: Show nested quote +On January 17 2012 21:31 SnetteL wrote:
you sound like a girl
edit: lol i got banned from his blogs for this :p Yeah, you added nothing. You were a smart ass. You made it clear you either didn't read, or just made ridiculous assumptions and decided to act like a 16 y.o. kb warrior. The above was directed to you primarily.
Unless there is some secret message between the lines, i think everyone got it perfectly fine and gave you the obvious answer to you question: Its not a big deal. Are you getting defensive because you're looking for sympathy or what is the deal here
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Well, you're more than entitled to your opinion, Starparty, but there is ample discussion in this thread already about why I've criticised anyone for what they've posted. It's unncessary for me to go over it again. I copped the warning in that particular post, because it was (originally) vague, and not directed to those people whose posting I was actually being dismissive of. Fair enough, too.
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EPT
