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yeah she's talking mad smack, and if she wasn't in taiwan i'd smack her...
long story short, she's in taiwan, we got our mcat (med school entrance exam) scores back, she did a little better than me. good enough to where after 2 weeks she already has an interview invite... i just submitted my application a few days ago, so hopefully i'll be getting interview invites here shortly. but anyways, we didn't apply to the same schools. so...
at this point i'm feeling like it might be time to get out of a long relationship, it'll be 4 years in feb. i'm sick of chasing her, and making compromises to be with her and she's not willing to do the same, but still wants to be together... i gave up a lot of great job opportunities and what not to be in the same city as her. now when it comes down to it she refuses to just compromise, she has some weird obsession with attending a top 20 school, and only wants to attend a top 20 (she's asian, so am i, but i'm not OCD).
here's where the smack talk begins:
"if you can't keep up..."
"i want someone who can support me. i want to be on the top, i work hard to be the best" blah blah blah...
seriously? as if i don't work hard to be the best? i busted my ass and helped her clean her parents million dollar mansion 2 weeks before my MCAT. it wasn't just me, it was my WHOLE family, because her parents + her got evicted (which is another story). shit just didn't go my way, and i'd be wasting my time applying to only top 20 schools. i'm just so pissed off that she's being such a stubborn person, and this isn't something new, she's ALWAYS stubborn. i'm not sure i can handle it.
we had a little chat yesterday, and it didn't end so well, in fact it didn't really even end at all. then today she finishes up the conversation with her BS about someone supportive etc, etc. we've talked about this many times before, and well, if we got into different schools she'd want to do LDR (long distance relationship), but i'm not down for a 4 year LDR. i tried one where i'd drive 1.5 hrs every weekend to see my ex and it didn't work out too well. i don't want to go through it again. we're doing LDR right now as it is.
we've both got really great chances of getting into our state schools for MD only. both of our families are here (and unfortunately they always need our help). i'm willing to compromise my pursuit of an MD/PhD to just go to my state school for an MD, but she's OCD about top 20... i want to pull my hair out. today, i didn't talk to her at all and purposely ignored her all day because i didn't want to think about it and just wanted to hang out with my friends, thank god for bro time. then tonight:
"just want to know how you feel
and what you want
would you like to talk about it?"
she's obviously hurt, but what am i to do about it if she doesn't want to compromise? the longer you go the harder it is to break it off... here are the 3 life changing possibilities that can happen:
a)none of us get into any schools - not sure of the likeliness, we've got decent applications
b)she gets into a school, i don't or vice versa
c)we both get into different schools
a) isn't that big of an issue, because then we retake the MCAT, smash it, and increase our chances of getting into the same school.
b) this again isn't that big of an issue, because i wouldn't mind if she moved in with me or if i moved with her. but i'm positive she will try again and i will try again so then c) is going to become an issue sooner or later
c) BIG problem obviously.
the bigger problem, this girl a couple of weeks ago expected me to propose to her, and i sort of wanted to too...
so:
1) break it off now
2) wait it out and see how shit unfolds?
  
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Break it off now
Don't let girls rule and take a strangehold on your life
As soon as i feel a girl is reducing the quality of my life for her own personal gain, shes out. It should be obvious why a long term relationship cannot be held on this principle
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Unfortunately for you, this is a very typical asian mentality (esp for girls). You and your family cleaning out her house was seen kindly by her, but it was only +1 point. You making many compromises to be with her, busting your ass etc, are all +1 point as well.
However, if you were a top20 student, it would've been +100 points (and you need to worry too much about other caring things that you do for her). Yep, I know it's unfair that your rating scales don't match with hers, but that is how it goes unfortunately. Her line where she says about not being supportive, etc is a hint that you're "not supporting" her where she wants to be supported. Unfortunately, that's not your personality or what you are.
I'm not going to give you advice on how to proceed because that's your decision to make. I'm merely giving you perspective on how I see the situation. In the future, it's a possibility (maybe / maybe not) that she'll out excel you in your careers. Are you both willing to accept this in the long term?
Lastly, she is absolutely willing to do a LDR because excelling in her studies is what is important to her at this time. If this happens, she'll be fully loyal if you yourself are doing well.
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So let's recap: she's a bitch, you feel like you do too much for her, you describe the relationship as long and dragged out, and you're unhappy...
.. And you're asking if you should break up with her or not.
It appears book smarts don't contribute to your level of common sense, no?
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hard to say. If it's constantly edgy then it might be for the best if you break it off. I did but it was only after 2 and a half years. I don't really regret it but it's different for everybody.
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yea, it's tough to be with a smart asian girl. Asians do prefer the male partner to earn/higher education than the female part (at least that's the case for China anyway)
Just to let you know, it's not that unreasonable for her to expect high because she did, afterall, work really hard to hope for a high "quality" of life for many years. (not sure how to put it in words)
So if she is to think that she won't receive that level of living because of something/someone, she will get worried/annoyed.
the good thing is that if you can keep up, a girl like this can motivate you to achieve highly as well
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On November 21 2011 15:14 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
So let's recap: she's a bitch, you feel like you do too much for her, you describe the relationship as long and dragged out, and you're unhappy...
.. And you're asking if you should break up with her or not.
It appears book smarts don't contribute to your level of common sense, no?
no, just recently she's become bitchy. she took care of my while i was recovering from my acl surgery. recently though, she's just become untenable.
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honestly if she had the opportunity to attend a good top 20 med school like harvard and she worked really hard the last 4 years in undergrad to achieve that goal, it would be a bit unreasonable to completely expect her to drop that to join you in a med school that is less prestigious. but i understand where you are coming from if you guys are honestly already thinking about getting married.
also if you really only submitted your app a few days ago your chances are not very good unless your stats are excellent.. considering that applications opened in june and most schools are on rolling basis. and if your stats are then i might consider waiting until next cycle to apply to have the best opportunity of getting into a good school.
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Give it time. This seems like a relatively isolated incident. I'm sure you can figure it out.
Hey, this shit is always worth a shot, isn't it? You might get lucky and get into the same school. Might as well see.
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Talk to her. If you can't talk to her you won't be able to hold a marriage down and it doesn't matter anyways.
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LDR is going to take alot of effort, and will most likely fail. You're going to need to get accustomed to the higher workload/new environment/new social circles. LDR is just going to be a waste of time and effort
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Relationships shouldn't be about competition. It should be about supporting one another. I mean after what she said to you, you're thinking about staying with this girl? Man you are one whipped needy man and you will live a shitty life if you stick with her. I'm just saying.
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On November 21 2011 16:15 matiK23 wrote:
Relationships shouldn't be about competition. It should be about supporting one another. I mean after what she said to you, you're thinking about staying with this girl? Man you are one whipped needy man and you will live a shitty life if you stick with her. I'm just saying.
Jesus christ, I hate posts that are this personal. You are in a shitty situation and should probably break it off, but honestly, we can't know everything that's been going into the relationship. we're getting a warped window; all we know is a post you wrote while irritated at her.
edit: You don't have to be insulting while giving advice.
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she sounds like a shallow, vapid cretin. dump her.
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I don't need to write a 300-word essay to tell you that there doesn't seem to be much reason to be together:
1. Separate views of what this relationship means and is for the both of you.
2. Too many different priorities that make this relationship straining and stressful.
3. You're feeling unresolved and unappreciated (By her lack of compromising and her continuous need to cop-out with her lines that contradict what you've been doing this whole time).
The answer is obvious: weigh what's good, bad, what you are looking for.
Then make your move.
glglgl
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if you're complaining about her in a blog, meaning you can't do it to her face that means you need to end it. Seriously
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Don't be fooled by the sunk cost fallacy!
Also i agree with alot of the other posters, seems better to break it off from what you've been telling us. If she isn't willing to compromise, it ain't worth it.
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half the advice posted so far are such one dimensional blind judgments =.=''
without more context, its hard to say, but it seems to me you haven't spent enough time discussing things with her in a calm manner? Some core issues i'd zero in on, useful conversation topics, also possibly indications of chronic relationship conflict areas:
1) Mismatch of priorities. You feel you prioritize her above your work, and she prioritizes work above you. Is this true? Does she agree with this judgment of yours? If yes does she see a problem with that, on her side? On your side?
2) You dont feel like she values you as much as you deserve. Again, what's her side of this? Agree/Disagree?
3) Why is top 20 important to her? Why is it not to you? What would it mean for her to give up that position?
4) Does she respect you for your achievements? You mentioned she thinks you're not catching up. Clearly it bugs you, I know it would bug the hell out of me if my gf said that. But at the same time she wants to marry you/wants you to propose? So if she doesn't admire your academic achievements, what other value do you bring to her life?
5) What's on her mind? anything she wants to bring up?
I know this all sounds ushy gushy heart to heart bullshit, but if you're looking to mend damage and work things out, you need to fork out three hours to explore these issues with her. A few other pointers:
- Focus on talking about needs and feelings. Dont get bogged down by issues:
eg: dont talk about last time i did this but then you didnt do that and what about two years ago at that LAN when you blahblahblah
eg: instead phrase it as something like: i feel our relationship is imbalanced in this area, and i feel like you're not putting in as much work into the relationship as i am.
- The moment one of you is throwing ad-hominids around, thats when its time to gtfo and play some sc2. If either of you escalates to shit talking, tell her "sorry i dont think this is a productive convo anymore, lets do this again later." and book it out of there
- I'd bet my bank account that theres a basket case of horrid asian parenting in there somewhere, but tackling that would be for another time. Just be aware of it and steer away from that because monkeys throw shit when threatened.
- Dont throw or take inflammatory escalative troll bait. None of that "so you just want to have a job more than you want me, is that what you're saying?" If that happens, point it out for what it is and recognize that its not a binary situation, and phrasing it so is not productive.
Oh and in case shes really hot, just remember that hotness goes away with age but crazy only increases as the years go by :p.
At least she's shown she's willing to talk. Best of luck with her and with inadequate advice from disconnected out of context and uninformed internet strangers :p
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she's asian but not asian. lol her mom is chinese (indonesian and uighur) and dad is turkish/egyptian.
edit: and now for a phone call. will let you know how it goes.
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The way I see it, you've done nothing to help alleviate the situation. You sound really defensive and withdrawn/injured when she talked about how she was "better" than you. This sounds like you have a really inflated, fragile image of yourself you're trying to defend, kind of like Willy Loman in Death of a Salesman if you've read that. I think you need to have a serious talk with your gf now, not any of this "admit that you aren't better than I am" but talk to her about the give and take dynamic of your relationship. Maybe she isn't willing to compromise because she doesn't really respect you as an equal or she's just a selfish person, but you have to talk. This relationship is pretty much over but take the chance to do some soul searching and to understand a little more about yourself and others, so you can avoid similar people and perhaps be a better partner in the future.
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Time to go man, you'll be happy and if it's really meant to be it will happen.
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This is a tough situation, good luck with it though and hope the phone call returns some good results.
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on the phone with her right now. she's bitching about how i haven't proposed to her....
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On November 21 2011 18:23 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
on the phone with her right now. she's bitching about how i haven't proposed to her....
Seems like there's not a lot of chemistry between the two of you.
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On November 21 2011 18:30 casualman wrote:Show nested quote +On November 21 2011 18:23 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
on the phone with her right now. she's bitching about how i haven't proposed to her.... Seems like there's not a lot of chemistry between the two of you.
I dont think your supposed to force people to propose
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Haha seriously, you are thinking about breaking up and she wants you to propose? I don't think you two have the same view of your relationship. :D :D :D
Break up. Your incoming marriage will be thousandfold worse.
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On November 21 2011 14:46 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
so:
1) break it off now
2) wait it out and see how shit unfolds?
3)
Take a break and grow up. Both of you.
You, as well as her, are treating a relationship like some artificial bullshit. You are talking about moving in together like about getting a sandwich. This isn't something you talk with strangers about, this is something 2 sane people have to discuss, and you are not discussing at all.
You are obviously mad at each other and if you want to stop that you have to stop fighting over this bullshit and just talk about it. You will never solve anything if you don't treat each other as equal individuals that both deserve respect.
If you then find out that you should break up, FINE, but don't breakup without talking like 2 grown ups.
I really don't mean to be offensive here... It's painful to read that how you treat a relationship of YEARS, which was obviously pretty close because otherwise you wouldn't talk about proposing here. .
EDIT:
People need to stop suggesting a breakup right now. Having a silly kiddy fight is not a reason to break up. It's just silly how you treat other people's relationships. How would you feel if somebody told you that your relationship is shit and you should breakup just because you are having a hard time? Thats just disappointing.
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Let her know how you feel.
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Be a man and take charge of this relationship (whatever you decide to do with it). If you decide to stay with this girl, it better because you wanted to, not because she wanted to.
Then again, what do you want? That is a question only you can answer, but even you sometimes can't quite nail down what that is. Marriage isn't some kind of a joke - there is no "you should have proposed" garbage that you should gulp down like it was your fault.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51475 Posts
the bigger problem, this girl a couple of weeks ago expected me to propose to her, and i sort of wanted to too...
Dude elaborate on that? You proposed or she said she would if you asked her too?
If she accepted a proposal then i think your already in way further than you like and maybe it will all be different if you both go through school and end up at the same place in the end, i.e working in the same hospital or something further down the line.
But also the negative is, if you don't get into the same schools and don't get the same hospital or near eachother after your education then your relationship is truely over then? No way can you do a medical job and have to travel large distances.
Seems like you both love eachother though, even though it can be a bit of a pain at times with the petty arguments (thats what it comes across to me as) but every relationship is a sacrafice my friend, look back on your ex you mention about travelling and 1hour and 30minutes to see, thats a sacrafice right there.
If you really do love her and like her you can make this work, however if you really think that she is not the girl for you end it before it becomes hard and very very emotional.
GL & HF
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How about acting like an adult? Instead of pissing on your gf on the internet make up a list of things that you need to happen in the relationship, then go to sleep look at your list remove everything that is unreasonable, then sleep on it again, remove the other things that are unreasonable. After you've done that confront your Girlfriend and in a mature manner say "These are the things I need you to compromise on, and these are the things I'm willing to compromise on. "
After that in a mature manner confront her about how you're not okey with her treating in X way.
Then get the fuck over yourself.
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i caved in, and decided that for me research is a compromise i'm willing to make and i could probably easily get into a PhD program at one of the schools she's applying to. and well she agreed that she's willing to make compromises to be with me after she graduates.
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On November 22 2011 12:45 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
i caved in, and decided that for me research is a compromise i'm willing to make and i could probably easily get into a PhD program at one of the schools she's applying to. and well she agreed that she's willing to make compromises to be with me after she graduates.
Eeeeee... IOUs.
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On November 22 2011 12:45 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
i caved in, and decided that for me research is a compromise i'm willing to make and i could probably easily get into a PhD program at one of the schools she's applying to. and well she agreed that she's willing to make compromises to be with me after she graduates.
This has potential to turn into a huge mistake. Traditionally, earning potential of PhDs has always been lower than that of MDs. The whole career goal of a PhD (in biological sciences at least, differs in other fields), if you remain in academia, is to eventually write and receive your own grants, run a lab and become a PI. This is increasingly difficult because the current federal funding climate is the worst that it's ever been. Many well-established PIs are having enough trouble simply getting existing grants renewed; it is much more difficult these days for new people to receive grants. I knew plenty of "super-postdocs" who spent years getting a PhD in a biological science, did a post-doc, never got their own grants, therefore never got promoted to faculty and continue to toil away under someone else. I can't speak much about the value of a PhD in the private sector, but it does depend on the type of company you are looking at. I know that certain consulting companies hire PhDs for the same entry level positions as undergrads, obviously that's not always the case but in those cases at least its a waste of time and degree. In this shit economy, MD continues to be a prestigious, high reward and safe career choice with a huge amount of flexibility.
Your gf sounds like a typical gunner asian girl. I hate those types but whatever. She already thinks you're not good enough to match her academically. As mentioned this is a big social stigma in asian cultures. In medical school she's going to meet some other very intelligent asian guy who is better than her academically (they are a dime a dozen at US med schools). She'll dump you at this point and you'll have sacrificed your MD career for nothing.
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On November 22 2011 13:22 quiong wrote:Show nested quote +On November 22 2011 12:45 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
i caved in, and decided that for me research is a compromise i'm willing to make and i could probably easily get into a PhD program at one of the schools she's applying to. and well she agreed that she's willing to make compromises to be with me after she graduates. This has potential to turn into a huge mistake. Traditionally, earning potential of PhDs has always been lower than that of MDs. The whole career goal of a PhD (in biological sciences at least, differs in other fields), if you remain in academia, is to eventually write and receive your own grants, run a lab and become a PI. This is increasingly difficult because the current federal funding climate is the worst that it's ever been. Many well-established PIs are having enough trouble simply getting existing grants renewed; it is much more difficult these days for new people to receive grants. I knew plenty of "super-postdocs" who spent years getting a PhD in a biological science, did a post-doc, never got their own grants, therefore never got promoted to faculty and continue to toil away under someone else. I can't speak much about the value of a PhD in the private sector, but it does depend on the type of company you are looking at. I know that certain consulting companies hire PhDs for the same entry level positions as undergrads, obviously that's not always the case but in those cases at least its a waste of time and degree. In this shit economy, MD continues to be a prestigious, high reward and safe career choice with a huge amount of flexibility. Your gf sounds like a typical gunner asian girl. I hate those types but whatever. She already thinks you're not good enough to match her academically. As mentioned this is a big social stigma in asian cultures. In medical school she's going to meet some other very intelligent asian guy who is better than her academically (they are a dime a dozen at US med schools). She'll dump you at this point and you'll have sacrificed your MD career for nothing.
if we're married and she's an MD don't i win? divorce = 50/50 split in most states. i mean all things aside, i'm not looking at it from that perspective. she's the one who wants me to propose, she wants me and i know her well enough to where she's not going to ever cheat on me because she expects me to never cheat on her. she's madly in love and wants to have kids while in med school (perhaps even first or second year). i'd say that's a pretty deep commitment. i know she sounds crazy, but some of that craziness is what makes her amazing.
if she at least has an MD then we're financially secure. so that's really not a worry for me.
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sacrificing your career choice for someone else might not be the best idea.. however maybe you can make it work in your relationship. you should spend a lot of time to think about it and discuss it with your gf, before rushing to that decision though. at this point it seems you are making more and more heavy compromises
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She sounds like a bitch tbh.
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On November 22 2011 12:45 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
i caved in, and decided that for me research is a compromise i'm willing to make and i could probably easily get into a PhD program at one of the schools she's applying to. and well she agreed that she's willing to make compromises to be with me after she graduates.
IMO MD PhD is kinda stupid anyways. I know many MD's who do research and as an MD you get access to all the stuff an MD PhD does, might not have the same prestige but its 4 more forced years in school when you're probably not too young anymore. If you get out of med school and you still really want to do research a fellowship would suffice.
As for your relationship I dunno lol.
Tbh, it sounds like you want different things and its causing friction. If she can't sit down and talk to you about what she wants in life, what you want in life, and what you want in each other and where compromises need to be made she's not mature enough to be demanding a proposal.
Edit:
If you get a PhD then you should know that you'll be limited in what you can do as far as clinical testing. If your research is primarily focused on human trials I wouldn't advise getting a PhD as its much much more difficult to work with humans without an MD
Edit2:
FWIW, I'm getting a PhD and my gf is getting an MD (we're both asian too). Its fairly obvious my gf will be the breadwinner but neither of us really care, we enjoy each other and simply expect each other to work hard. I might do more chores and housework but that's because I usually have more time and don't mind, and she doesn't view me as inferior for not having the same earning potential. As long as both of you are okay with that its ezpz.
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On November 21 2011 18:23 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
on the phone with her right now. she's bitching about how i haven't proposed to her....
Since i and many decided to read this, keep us updated.
Good luck.
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Wish her well and part ways. You'll regret staying in this.
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i mean there is still the possibility that we both get into a school in the same city. there are a few schools that we applied to that are in the same area. this girl isn't like my previous relationships. when i was pretty much out due to ACL surgery she took care of me, and even took care of me afterwards when i couldn't find a job. she wants me to go with her even if i don't get in anywhere or want to pursue anything further (which again, is a high probability). yeah she'll be making more money than me, but the girl wants to have my kids. wouldn't i be dumb to leave someone that cares for me that much?
i was with a girl who said all this BS and what not and eventually it just didn't work out. but that girl was a shady, lazy, bitch. my current GF though is the most honest, straightforward girl i've met. yes she has some undesirable qualities, but who doesn't? if i proposed to her right now, she'd say yes in a heart beat.
but then there is this issue that i'm hiding. when we first started going out, i said something like "i want to bang so and so". this was to a friend in a private conversation on gchat. it was never more than a retarded way of saying that person is good looking. but of course, she somehow saw that in my gchat. she wasn't spying, its just we shared computers and what not because we were practically living together at the time. i apologized to her, and said it really meant nothing and that it was just guy talk. our relationship went on, but this issue really never came up. she was over it because really there was nothing to worry about. i didn't talk to this person EVER, and i'm never flirtacious with our girls. i'm not even friendly with other girls when i'm in a relationship because i don't want my gf to think i'm interested in anyone else. this issue really never comes up unless we start to play the blame game.
2nd issue. some girl from my lab had a thing for me, and it wasn't a small thing. this girl had explicitly said a few times that she wanted to have sex with me and what not. furthermore, she tried sent me inappropriate texts (no pictures, and nothing like 'come over here and fuck me right now'), but some suggestive stuff and definitely some phone calls at like 3 am. again, my gf and i practically lived together and so when she saw this you can imagine what she was thinking. my gf eventually became aware, but i didn't say anything because there was nothing in it for me, i had no wrong intentions. AND, i was using this girl to help me with my lab work. of course, my gf went off on me for not telling this girl to back off. of course, i did as she asked and the relationship just went on.
we've been happy for as long as we've been together. those two isolated issues i described originally lasted in arguments that didn't even last a day. she says she's had a BF before, but i doubt that she did and even if so it was nothing that lasted over a week or two probably. i just think since i'm her first long term relationship she just doesn't know what to expect.
i don't see why everyone thinks that i'm taking a HUGE loss by sticking with her. even i don't know what i want in my career, so should i make her suffer? if i don't do anything this year and apply again next year and get in somewhere else, she's 100% behind my choice and will support me.
maybe even part of this whole thing is my fault. because, she claims that if i had proposed to her earlier, that there was no way she could have refused. but that puts us back in the dilemma of who is going to sacrifice for the both of us if one of us gets in and the other doesn't. let's say the positions are switched and now i'm a super competitive applicant and she isn't. of course i'd want to cash in on my hard work. who wouldn't?
anyways, its still wayyyy early in the application cycle. she got 2 fast interviews, that's a good thing for her, but there are over 700 interiewees and only 100 seats at most schools. yeah she has fulbright to boost her application, but her MCAT is still in the bottom 10th percentile of all of these schools. most of these schools glut over MCAT. so there is still the probability she won't get in anywhere and i won't get in anywhere and we have to try again.
now there is always the weird chance that she's just massively trolling me. i mean i find it awkward that she already has interview invites despite not being verified. she submitted on oct 15...literally...and AMCAS for the past 3 months says that it takes 6 weeks to get verified? maybe she's testing/trolling cuz she can't trust me and wants to see some reaction? or maybe i'm just tripping...
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The both of you need to talk (in person would be best) about what each other wants in the relationship. This is to look to the future and not focus on the little things that will get in the way in life. The question about the marriage proposal is relatively small if you want to marry her. So you have to ask yourself: do you want to commit to her for probably the rest of your life. If you want to marry her tell her that there is no need to rush unless she wants to get married as soon as possible. She wants to have kids in med school( in a few years) and it sounds like you don't, this is a solvable issue but a large one and needs to be adressed. The problems about who will be the breadwinner will sort things out later because you will never know what the future brings. It sounds like both of you are willing to sacrifice for the greater good in the relationship, which is going to be good in the long run, because if you have kids it is good to have at least one parent figure to raise the children(and in a career in the field of medicine or science they both take up a lot of time from family and personal life).
I have to repeat this, you need a long talk about where your relationship is going in the future because you are both making decisions on what your personal and profesional lives are going to be about, at this point in both your lives.
All the luck. Sorry if any of this is confusing or hard to read I am a bad writer.
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On November 22 2011 19:05 yourwhiteshadow wrote:
now there is always the weird chance that she's just massively trolling me. i mean i find it awkward that she already has interview invites despite not being verified. she submitted on oct 15...literally...and AMCAS for the past 3 months says that it takes 6 weeks to get verified? maybe she's testing/trolling cuz she can't trust me and wants to see some reaction? or maybe i'm just tripping...
its definitely possible to get verified in less than 6 weeks despite what amcas says. i remember getting verified in 3 weeks and i applied during sep., same with some of my other friends who applied in july/aug. best way to estimate the amount of time it'll take is to look up this one thread on sdn where people post their submit and verification date from previous years. it usually takes a month or slightly less time, unless you applied at the very beginning in which case it can take only a few days to verify.
ive never heard of people getting interview invites before verification. the only thing that can happen is that some very few schools will send you their secondary pre-verification. however the majority of schools will not send their secondary until you get verified so maybe she got interviews from the schools that sent her early secondaries.
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EPT
