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This is a weird situation, currently living with me mom because id like to save money on living expenses(but make enough to live on my own, just giving myself a large bank). And recently had a friend that made some stupid decisions start living with me. So basically, live with my mom out of choice, have a friend who is sorta fucked and is relying on me and my mom for a home.
I have always been emotionally detached, and have had times in my life where i have been overall depressed. But most of my friends, and most people i know, at my work and otherwise, they all seem fucking crazy. Now what brought up this blog is that my mom just got a new job, and my friend just started living with me. So my mom accepted a job that pays 65k+ a year( a big pay raise over her hold job), but she seems miserable, shes coming home drunk talking to me in broken english about ideas of grandeur and how here decisions matter. My mom has always suffered from depression, but it's getting to the point of being pathetic. I'm so worried about her, but it just feels as if her life outlook is fucked. Who cares if your making 65,000 a year if you get to work at 8 - get home at 7-9PM(she networks to get more work and get more clients at bars) drunk, watch some startrek on netflix, rinse and repeat. This is just what brought upon this blog.
My friend that i live with is extremely emotional, he dies in a game of league, and he rages for the next 5 minutes, hes confrontational, egotistic. He also gets incredibly depressed and incredibly happy. His life view is scary, he thinks that life is meaningless unless he is remembered, has a terrible fear of death and is overall terribly depressed. He hates his job, and doesn't blame himself for most mistakes, has a terrible lust for revenge, and the mistakes he feels he makes he lingers on them for forever. Ive seen him go into a 1 hour depression cause he lost his ear buds for his ipod.
these are just people that I live with now, so they are fresh in my mind, but old girlfriends, all of my friends except for maybe 1, basically all women Ive known personally, tons of co workers, most seem like they are never consistently happy.
how do people live like that and not attempt to make corrections and changes in their life to make themselves happier?
It just greatly frustrates me, when i know people, who are making enough to support themselves, basically have all the reasonable pleasures in life, don't have to worry about food, or losing their job be miserable and unhappy?
This may sound dickish, it's not trying to, I'm just really puzzled at how people have life outlooks that make them this unhappy
 
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Blazinghand
United States25556 Posts
Unfortunately, people do not choose to be depressed, or choose to lack the insight to make changes in their lives.
If your friend gets emotional whenever anything bad happens, this is probably largely behind his control on a case-by-case basis and would need to do some serious thinking and sitting down to really change that. Change is hard, and isn't in the books for most people. It sounds like he may have some emotional issues, but he can't choose not to feel his emotions.
If your mother works hard and late every day and as a result is more stressed out, that's her decision. You might perceive it as negatively impacting her quality of life, and that may be true, but maybe she's willing to have a tough job for a larger salary. That's her decision.
We don't choose our moral values, emotionality, and brain chemistry-- we just live with them.
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I think a lot of their unhappiness stems from the repetition of their lifestyle. From the sound of it your mother and friend literally have nothing to look forward to - not even something interesting to do on say, the weekend. Like you said, rinse and repeat, and most of the things that are in their lives tend to weigh them down and generally add up to terrible unhappiness.
I'd say check out The Happiness Project, it's a book by a woman from NYC. I think the people in your life could take a hint from it, hope it helps!
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Part of it is perspective. I have very little emotion like you and I tend to find others unreasonable and crazy a lot of the time. Another part of why the people you know tend to seem crazy is that they ARE crazy. They seriously need to go see a psychiatrist or something. Depression and alchoholism aren't exactly standard or rational disorders.
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have you ever hugged your mom?
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On October 14 2011 05:24 lzickoslav wrote:
have you ever hugged your mom?
last night, as she came home drunk, and I rubbed her feet, and i made her food. This morning, before she went to work. I'm really worried about her.
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if you're worried about her than say something. telling people on the internet won't get you anywhere. sometimes letting people know you care can go a long way.
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Alcohol and depression don't mix. Try to dissuade her from drinking so much when she meets potential clients.
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What the first two posters said is aboslutely correct. Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and there is very little that you can do to solve this short of using medication.
It is next to impossible for someone suffering from this to just change their attitude and start being happy all of the time because of the actual physical problem that is going on in their brains. Reading a bit about it here is helpful.
What Thienan said is also very true. When someone is experiencing depression, they usually have a very hard time enjoying anything because their brains have a hard time processing (or don't have enough) dopamine. This causes people to not have anything to look forward to.
I would recommend that you seriously consider having them going to a doctor and possibly taking medication for this.
Just my opinions, of course. : )
Hope this helped and, whatever you end up doing, I hope you get this figured out.
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On October 14 2011 04:03 Blazinghand wrote:
Unfortunately, people do not choose to be depressed, or choose to lack the insight to make changes in their lives.
If your friend gets emotional whenever anything bad happens, this is probably largely behind his control on a case-by-case basis and would need to do some serious thinking and sitting down to really change that. Change is hard, and isn't in the books for most people. It sounds like he may have some emotional issues, but he can't choose not to feel his emotions.
If your mother works hard and late every day and as a result is more stressed out, that's her decision. You might perceive it as negatively impacting her quality of life, and that may be true, but maybe she's willing to have a tough job for a larger salary. That's her decision.
We don't choose our moral values, emotionality, and brain chemistry-- we just live with them.
I was just about to say everything you posted. Thank you.
edit:
Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and there is very little that you can do to solve this short of using medication.
that's debatable. the chemical imbalance hypothesis is just one of many, and you could argue that pharmaceutical companies have supported it perhaps not because of its merit.
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There is a debate bubbling here, and the subject of it comes down to: is it that people can't change, or that they don't want to? It's easy to see how the way you answer that question can have a very large impact on your life, and other questions like it.
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you're friend sounds like a douche
you're mum sounds like she needs some help though. i dont know how close you and you're mum are but you should concentrate on her more than your friend
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I get exactly what you're saying. I'm not emotionless and there are things that genuinely upset me, but I usually only show any kind of emotional instability around my immediate family because I am comfortable with them.
Some people just make downright BAD decisions and then try to justify them instead of owing up to them. This is an absolute lack of emotional intelligence; it shows that people are either unaware of or don't care about how others perceive them.
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On October 14 2011 03:53 r_con wrote:
how do people live like that and not attempt to make corrections and changes in their life to make themselves happier?
laziness, fear of the unknown/change, lack of ambition and other self inflicted things. It's far too easy to blame your shortcomings on others rather than looking with in, accepting blame and fixing
depression is another, and while sometimes that can be brought on by shit they may have brought upon themselves, a lot of people will suffer from it no matter what due to shit they were born with. Either way, when you get in a hole like that, it's quite hard to get out
don't think that solves anything, but hey, perspective and such. Everyone's got their own triggers to realize, but generally it takes a big fuck up or someone close to them sitting them down and saying you messed up
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If your mom is working in some kind of sales field this can be a very demoralizing type of job, even if the money is good. Not that many people are really cut out for it, and the people who aren't cut out for it can make themselves really miserable if they try to force themselves to do it anyway.
I suggest you look up the DMS4 criteria for a clinical diagnosis of depression and see if your mom fits into that category or not. You're not a doctor but you don't really need to be an expert to just look at the list of symptoms and make a judgment about whether your mom is depressed or not. If you think she is, then get her to see a doctor if possible.
On the other hand, she may just be going through a tough time and feeling sad. People go through these phases in life, so it may just be something that she'll get over. It's always a good idea to talk to her about how she's doing and what she's going through. People (women especially) really like to know that you care about their feelings. Even if you can't do anything to change her situation, just knowing that how she feels is important to you will make her feel better.
Good luck.
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On October 14 2011 07:08 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2011 03:53 r_con wrote:
how do people live like that and not attempt to make corrections and changes in their life to make themselves happier?
laziness, fear of the unknown/change, lack of ambition and other self inflicted things. It's far too easy to blame your shortcomings on others rather than looking with in, accepting blame and fixing depression is another, and while sometimes that can be brought on by shit they may have brought upon themselves, a lot of people will suffer from it no matter what due to shit they were born with. Either way, when you get in a hole like that, it's quite hard to get out don't think that solves anything, but hey, perspective and such. Everyone's got their own triggers to realize, but generally it takes a big fuck up or someone close to them sitting them down and saying you messed up
your posts in the blog section should be called HAWKDOWNS, as they're always cut-to-the-chase, true, harsh but fair, leaving little to add.
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On October 14 2011 07:21 Harrad wrote:Show nested quote +On October 14 2011 07:08 Hawk wrote:On October 14 2011 03:53 r_con wrote:
how do people live like that and not attempt to make corrections and changes in their life to make themselves happier?
laziness, fear of the unknown/change, lack of ambition and other self inflicted things. It's far too easy to blame your shortcomings on others rather than looking with in, accepting blame and fixing depression is another, and while sometimes that can be brought on by shit they may have brought upon themselves, a lot of people will suffer from it no matter what due to shit they were born with. Either way, when you get in a hole like that, it's quite hard to get out don't think that solves anything, but hey, perspective and such. Everyone's got their own triggers to realize, but generally it takes a big fuck up or someone close to them sitting them down and saying you messed up your posts in the blog section should be called HAWKDOWNS, as they're always cut-to-the-chase, true, harsh but fair, leaving little to add.
hehe
I wish I had someone who was just really blunt with me when I was younger, because it would have saved me from learning a lot of things the hard way!
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There is this lovely plant that's much healthier for you (or your mom) than alcohol. It's called cannabis. Sounds like your friend could use some of it too.
100% serious, by the way. I've known a lot of fucked up, unhappy people that made their lives much more livable by smoking pot.
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I never understand how people can't be happy with what they have (well, people in 1st world countries in general). I'm satisfied with everything in my life despite have some pretty shitty situations, being a loner and not really being anything special at anything. I never get depressed, although I do get apathetic (emotionally detached seems like a good way to say it, I don't have many fluctuations in my emotions). I'll admit I do complain about stupid stuff in public and some people would think of me as an emotional person but I'm really not. Otherwise, I was depressed when I was younger but then I realized most everyone are pretty fucking stupid, immature,hypocritical and self-centered jackasses and I felt better about myself and have never looked back.
I realized a long time ago I only like "fake" people. The persona people put on when talking to you in public. Every time I get to know someone I realize they're a pretty terrible person. I feel like I'm the only one that's actually completely honest in my daily life and don't need to fake my personality; that doesn't think about being a conniving cunt in people's back (talking bad about them, ditching people you made plans with, cheating on your "loved one", etc etc) and just does what he says. I know that's not true but that's the image I get from the people around me. So I just stick to friendly banter with pretty much everyone. Pretty much everyone is my "friend" but not my real friend. That way I don't need to get to know them and they stay OK people in my mind; we do each other favors if needed because we're on good terms and making small talk when we see each other. Easy way to tolerate others around me.
I enjoy literally any event and I don't need a group of people to acknowledge that. I enjoy every type of weather, every type of sports, every type of games. I enjoy myself on a daily basis when I'm not studying (which is pretty often these days). I'm completely content even doing menial things that other people consider extremely boring (I could play Go for days at a time). I'm never in a rush which is the big other thing that people need to change; I take my time doing everything and I've never felt I was wasting my life.
The only things that really bother me are people living around me. Noise, music, screaming, etc. I just like silence and to be left generally alone. I plan to build a house on the end of a quiet road with large spaces between homes when I can afford it. That's my dream, dead serious. Only things that bother me in life is people around me making noise and being stupid. Fix it by living further away from them (yet still close to a city by car).
TLDR : I enjoy everything about life except annoying neighbors/passerbys and getting to know people too deeply. I know that's weird for some people but I keep all my relationships purely public to avoid getting to know people and I've never been happier.
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@Kurr:
Nature has evolved a carrot-stick policy. Humans are physically unable to permanently sustain the feeling of happiness, so all they have left is its pursuit. This, in turn, encourages innovation and new ways of thinking in order to "cure" the unhappiness with the persisting situation. If people were easily satisfied and truly happy with themselves and the world we would be extinct by now, e.g. because humanity would not have seen the need to constantly develop new, more effective tools that would ensure its survival and dominance.
Surely you are not perfectly "happy" with your life either, there's always something to improve I think.
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EPT
