everything seems like its fake or a mental construction that is basically brainwashing
the only thing i trust is that animalistic things such as food and sex with a woman and drugs and learning are pleasurable
none of it really matters to me. i can wank 4 times in a row to videos then log into a virtual game and live a whole life there.
dont talk to a friend for 6 months? doesnt matter, we're still friends, its all in the mind and doesnt need validating.
stop going to the gym and lose all your gains? doesnt matter, can always do it all over again.
i had a bad cold and went into work every day with this utmost fear and anxiety that everyone is going to hate me (people hate working with someone who is sick and coughing and sniffing constantly). i completely crumble under any social pressure (usually its all made up in my head but i cant get rid of it). and i could see and feel peoples attitude towards me. i can see how people act and react according to how i act and react and i just cant do anything about it.
i actually came home and wrote a numerical score out of 100 according to how people perceive and respond to me and compared it to how the score drops when i act insecure or "not awesome". i work with 100% women and most (a lot anyway) women change their behaviour towards you according to how "cool" and "self assured" you act around them. it was frightening to experience my status in the eyes of certain people drop by 30% or more and how they started to treat me (one girl i work with literally started sulking and stomping around. not because i was doing anyting "wrong" in a normal sense of the word but because she couldnt stand how i was being "uncool" and feeling like shit and not being able to make her laugh and feel attracted to me).
ive associated several times now that a major (the major?) influence in what fucks me up like this is when i engage in "unreal" or fantasy activities. watching starcraft, fantastising, playing a game, watching tv, writing or thinking about unreal things. i cant quite get that revelation into my head right now to explain it but ive had it 2-4 times now
idk why im fucked up so easily, i suppose the isolation does it and the insecurities and stress and anxiety i bring with me in my head is just a vicious cycle.
i worked a lot last month and got some weed, spent my 3-4 hours of free time a day just watching shit or playing a game. i cant stand it but its EASY and addictive as fuck (all of these things). i seriously hate myself for not having any useful skill whatsoever and that is the number 1 cause of my social (mental) problems (no self-worth or self-respect or validation from others that i can ever agree with).
the last 2 weeks ive been so freakin nihalistic and totally lost my direction (even tho ive got it all written on a piece of paper). its 10pm again because i woke up at 7am with....another awful cold and sore throat and coughing my guts out and just went back to bed. ive managed to shower & shave most days but when i go for 1-2 days without it then my skin fucks up so royally that i wont even leave the house for another 2-3 days until it clears up (ya im hungry motherfucker)
idk why shit is so ridiculously hard for me to get right. i know all the answers but just never ffucking manage to do it for more than 3 weeks before slumping like this. i looked up "learned self-helplessness" and other shitty things that are real , great now i can validate my uselessness with yet another expression without doing anything about it
freakin fantasy shit, it screws with my head. i even go to sleep thinking about - get this - girls i make up out of my own imagination.
btw got about 5 gigs of individually selected MMD anime girls dancing if anyone wants LOL. its not lame because i enjoy it. but it is lame because i should be doing other shit that doesnt fuck with my RL and which gets me out of this self-loathing rut
its hard to judge others in matters like this, i'm not sure if you have MDD or something similar, but keep your chin up and keep living your life. find something that you can take pride in and improve at and as you make little steps and accomplishments you can pull yourself up. its not easy at all, but its all in the mind.
youre perfectly normal, you're just going through an intense phase of disillusionment. if everyone started to be happy and content with their lives the system we live in would not work. why do you think so many people take drugs, its because they cant stand their lives or, more accurately, themselves. dont give up, man, tough times are tough, but youre better than that. or do you want to go on like this forever? my advice is you show the world youre not weak, but strong in the sense that you can find your own way.
Here are some Bruce Lee quotes which have helped me cut through negative feelings in the past.
"Be formless... shapeless, like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You pour water into a bottle; it becomes the bottle. You put water into a teapot; it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow, or creep or drip or crash! Be water, my friend..."
"All types of knowledge, ultimately leads to self knowledge"
"Use only that which works, and take it from any place you can find it".
"Do not deny the classical approach, simply as a reaction, or you will have created another pattern and trapped yourself there".
"Quick temper will make a fool of you soon enough".
"I always learn something, and that is: to always be yourself. And to express yourself, to have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate him".
"It's not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential".
Going to the gym isn't just to "make gains". On a day to day basis it keeps you level, helps you sleep better, encourages a structured schedule and makes you feel good. You can even watch tv while you do it. As long as you don't over do it, it will make you feel better.
On October 05 2011 06:29 FFGenerations wrote: nothing feels real or has any real value
everything seems like its fake or a mental construction that is basically brainwashing
the only thing i trust is that animalistic things such as food and sex with a woman and drugs and learning are pleasurable
none of it really matters to me. i can wank 4 times in a row to videos then log into a virtual game and live a whole life there.
dont talk to a friend for 6 months? doesnt matter, we're still friends, its all in the mind and doesnt need validating.
stop going to the gym and lose all your gains? doesnt matter, can always do it all over again.
I feel the same. then again it sounds like you've got it easy if you can just work out and get in shape again or your friends dont drift away? maybe i dont understand
i had a bad cold and went into work every day with this utmost fear and anxiety that everyone is going to hate me (people hate working with someone who is sick and coughing and sniffing constantly). i completely crumble under any social pressure (usually its all made up in my head but i cant get rid of it). and i could see and feel peoples attitude towards me. i can see how people act and react according to how i act and react and i just cant do anything about it.
it's just a cold. if they're reasonable they'll understand you have to come in and respect your determination. if they're unreasonable then it's their fault.
i actually came home and wrote a numerical score out of 100 according to how people perceive and respond to me and compared it to how the score drops when i act insecure or "not awesome". i work with 100% women and most (a lot anyway) women change their behaviour towards you according to how "cool" and "self assured" you act around them. it was frightening to experience my status in the eyes of certain people drop by 30% or more and how they started to treat me (one girl i work with literally started sulking and stomping around. not because i was doing anyting "wrong" in a normal sense of the word but because she couldnt stand how i was being "uncool" and feeling like shit and not being able to make her laugh and feel attracted to me).
That's how most people act. Just gotta get used to it and find the rare person that actually cares about you and befriend them.
ive associated several times now that a major (the major?) influence in what fucks me up like this is when i engage in "unreal" or fantasy activities. watching starcraft, fantastising, playing a game, watching tv, writing or thinking about unreal things. i cant quite get that revelation into my head right now to explain it but ive had it 2-4 times now
are you sure? the cause is probably something else that leads you to social anxiety which leads you to fantasies. at any rate taking out those things that keep the bad cycle going might be a good idea. why don't you start with that?
idk why im fucked up so easily, i suppose the isolation does it and the insecurities and stress and anxiety i bring with me in my head is just a vicious cycle.
i worked a lot last month and got some weed, spent my 3-4 hours of free time a day just watching shit or playing a game. i cant stand it but its EASY and addictive as fuck (all of these things). i seriously hate myself for not having any useful skill whatsoever and that is the number 1 cause of my social (mental) problems (no self-worth or self-respect or validation from others that i can ever agree with).
the last 2 weeks ive been so freakin nihalistic and totally lost my direction (even tho ive got it all written on a piece of paper). its 10pm again because i woke up at 7am with....another awful cold and sore throat and coughing my guts out and just went back to bed. ive managed to shower & shave most days but when i go for 1-2 days without it then my skin fucks up so royally that i wont even leave the house for another 2-3 days until it clears up (ya im hungry motherfucker)
you're hungry? i dont get it. do you have some kind of skin disease? i have psoriasis and it itches 24/7 all over my body as well as making big red blotches on my skin. it sucks. if you can't stand watching shit and playing games then why do you do it? why dont you do something you do enjoy? what hobbies do you have other than doing that?
idk why shit is so ridiculously hard for me to get right. i know all the answers but just never ffucking manage to do it for more than 3 weeks before slumping like this. i looked up "learned self-helplessness" and other shitty things that are real , great now i can validate my uselessness with yet another expression without doing anything about it
freakin fantasy shit, it screws with my head. i even go to sleep thinking about - get this - girls i make up out of my own imagination.
I was pretty sure most guys do that. I do at least. I think you are probably much smarter and apt than you let on, but either want a challenge or are scared of being too big for everyone else. Maybe this semi-lame quote from marianne williamson will make more sense.(please excuse the cheesy god references)
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.' We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
btw got about 5 gigs of individually selected MMD anime girls dancing if anyone wants LOL. its not lame because i enjoy it. but it is lame because i should be doing other shit that doesnt fuck with my RL and which gets me out of this self-loathing rut
that's pretty funny actually. might make a good pick up line. so remind me again what you should be doing instead of MMD anime girls dancing? what would you prefer to do, what would not be something that fucks with your RL? i have to say i don't see much wrong with you. stop pitying yourself and go out and succeed. you know what to do deep inside. I hope stephen fry can help you out
Cant really comment on too much. In regard to the being stuck in place thing...You have to realize that most people will just do what is comfortable. If you want to change something you have to identify that the eventual outcome will bring you more pleasure then the discomfort of changing.
Punctuation helps if you care about who'll read your posts. But, it doesn't really matter. Send me your 5 gigs of anime shit, sounds interesting.
Real advice: suck it up. People have been in concentration or POW camps, gang-raped and abandoned as children and have gotten over it. You have to suck it up and find some meaning in your life. Just do it, do something. That's all there is in this world, no use dwelling on it.
Wow I read this and I cannot believe how similar we are. Honestly our outlook on life is nearly the exact same.
Let me start off by saying it's a vicious cycle you and I go through of self-doubt and self-hate. The only way to get better is to change what your doing and break the cycle. Try talking to girls online or something, it's way easier, and if u need something funny or clever to say, google is right around the corner. You learn a few cute sayings in awkward situations and all of a sudden people will look at you differently.
The main difference between you and I is that I have the social skills and can apply them. I'm just anti-social so I use those skills only when I have to. If you have the emotional intelligence to understand what people think of you when u do certain things, than you should be able to adapt and become at least that "chill" guy not the loser in the corner.
NOTHING WILL GET BETTER IF THERE IS NO CHANGE. That I can guarantee. I think if anything u need help going through the change that will help you find happiness. There is this real ez read that demonstrated how important change is called "who moved my cheese?" I can't say that I apply everything that I learned but I can tell you it helped me change my life to at least start trying to be happy, rather than staying in the same shitty self-doubting circle I was stuck in.
Hope this helps. Pm me if u have any questions or anything.
Damn, I see a lot of myself in this, sit around watching videos and movies and games, to lazy to play SC2 so I play MMO's. IDK what to say, except set longterm goals, financial or physical and try to exercise some self control, harness your anger to force something productive.
On October 05 2011 06:29 FFGenerations wrote: dont talk to a friend for 6 months? doesnt matter, we're still friends, its all in the mind and doesnt need validating.
I don't know if you're being sarcastic here, but chances are your friends feel the same way! However if you don't care enough about them to bother keeping in touch then maybe not? Friendship goes two ways, both sides do need to put some effort in to maintain it.
I can sympathize with you though, as we grow older it's only inevitable life takes us on separate paths. It sucks, huh?
btw got about 5 gigs of individually selected MMD anime girls dancing if anyone wants LOL. its not lame because i enjoy it. but it is lame because i should be doing other shit that doesnt fuck with my RL and which gets me out of this self-loathing rut
That's not lame at all. Why or how do you feel it negatively impacts your daily life?
EPT
