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Hey guys, this is my first blog and I hate to start off my TL blogging experience in such a negative way, but something’s been bothering me for the past few days. How the fuck do you get rid of unwanted guests? Ok for some context:
I went to Germany for one year on an exchange trip a few years back. In the first month when I was learning the language I was staying with a host family. The parents were super nice to me, but the son of that family just totally ignored me and would pretend I wasn’t even there. Seriously over that 1 month period we didn’t speak more than 10 sentences to each other. Anyways after that one month I went off to my permanent host family for the rest of the year, which is all good and everything.
Fast-forward 4 years to now. A few months ago, the son of this first family that I absolutely does not get along with, sends me an email asking if he and 2 of his friends can stay at my house for 2-3 days because they are flying to NZ for a work experience trip. They wanted to crash at my place while they recovered from jetlag and buy a car so they can travel the country. I said yes, since his parents were so nice to me but I really didn’t want to.
Anyways they arrived on Monday and my parents and I treated them very well. We took them to dinner, gave them the only spare room of the house (which is actually my mum’s office where she runs her business). My dad took 3 days off work to show them around Auckland and buy a car, my mum took the effort to arrange jobs for them…etc. I think we have done our part. However they just won’t fucking take a hint and leave. First, they came to a foreign country halfway across the world with $30 NZD. That’s 20 Euros. Just barely enough to get a SIM card for their phones. So we buy all the food, drinks and shit they need for them. Then because they didn’t bring more money, they of course can’t afford a car with 30 dollars. So we had to wait 3 days for a bank transfer. This caused them to overstay til Saturday. Now they’ve got their car and can drive around, but STILL won’t fucking leave, even though we keep hinting at what their plan is, when they want to work etc. They say they want to see Auckland more and will stay until next Wednesday. That’s 10 fucking days, 5x longer than what he asked me for. They’re the worst guests I’ve ever had. Every day they just sit in my house and play Playstation. They say they want to explore Auckland, but today is the first day they’ve fucking gone out. The past 4 days they just stayed home. Then when my mum or I cook food they don’t even say thank you, they eat it and just leave all the washing and cleaning to us. Today I came home and found EIGHT fucking unwashed glass cups in the sink and 3 dirty plates and forks/knives. It’s getting extremely frustrating and I’m just so fucking pissed off today. Am I just being too unreasonable? Or is it too much to expect for 3 grown men aged 20-22 to fucking clean up after themselves? Are all Germans like this? How do you make them leave without basically resulting to kicking them out and being a dick?
Phew that felt good to rant…
UPDATED:
Hi guys just an update, they left Wednesday morning at 10am like they promised. They even got us gifts and thanked us for our hospitality. They did sharpen up their act a wee bit at the end since they started doing their own dishes when they had breakfast. However the main guy whose family hosted me was probably the worst at that (he'd always be the last to do anything). He's also a sneaky little cunt. I was checking the internet usage over the past week and it was fine, but in the last 2 days he decided he'd sleep on our couch instead of in the room. When my dad asked him why he said he can't stand the snoring of his friend. But instead he was actually using skype to video chat with his girlfriend. So in the last 2 days, our internet usage jumped up to 4-5GB per day, adding to about 9 GBs used in just the past 2 days. Now I'm not sure if you guys know this, but New Zealand has the most expensive internet in the world. It costs us $105 NZD for a landline and 60GB bandwidth per month (it was 40GB limit only 2 months ago). I had specifically told him that before he came, that NZ internet is very limited and expensive. And on the last few days he lies to my dad about his intentions and uses up our data. So last night before i went to bed I unplugged the modem. Oh and guess what? Before he went he had the audacity to ask if he could stay with us again for a few days before he left for Germany. I gave him a flat "no"
 
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Wait...
you don't want to be a dick to them but they treat your place like a pig sty, lie about their intentions and mistreat you more than you've ever treated their house when you lived there.
Get out your timberland boots and kick them out. Say: "Thank you for visiting, we hope you enjoyed Auckland, but it's to leave and it's time for you to get on with your lives. We're not your parents, we're not your friends. We are civilized and humble enough to let you in our homes, but we're not courteous enough for you to consider it your home nor treat us with a level of disrespect that opposes what we grant you."
Kick them out. Ask them to blatantly leave and if they don't: Call the police and explain to them the situation.
It's very simple, it just requires confrontation or being a bit more direct. They're clearly being ignorant because they know they can take advantage of you.
The more childish way is throw their shit on the lawn, give them a valentine's card that has no real relevance and wave when they check through the window.
That or talk shit to them, don't feed them, don't give them anything and continuously exaggerate the difference between Nazi Germany squatting on your country and these people.
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Ouch, that's just painful man 
If it does get too out of hand, better let the authorities (police) deal with it
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The thing is I don't want to be a bad host, plus his parents were very nice to me and I stayed with them for a month. I think they probably aren't doing this maliciously, but just because it's their first time ever out of their own mommies houses and don't know how things work in the real world. Wish they would just grow up though.
Like they just had no plans at all. They thought it'll be quick to do international bank transfer, easy to find a car and work...etc. We've ended up having to plan things for them
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it sounds more like you never asked them to leave, you just keep hoping they'll leave. he probably thinks because you spent a month as his guest that he can spend a month at your place. if you're the one in charge then be more assertive and tell them they have X days to leave because you need your home back.
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On September 18 2011 14:39 fuzzy_panda wrote:
The thing is I don't want to be a bad host, plus his parents were very nice to me and I stayed with them for a month. I think they probably aren't doing this maliciously, but just because it's their first time ever out of their own mommies houses and don't know how things work in the real world. Wish they would just grow up though.
Like they just had no plans at all. They thought it'll be quick to do international bank transfer, easy to find a car and work...etc. We've ended up having to plan things for them
No matter how you rationalize it, the situation remains the same and your duty as well. Tell them they have to leave. Simply put.
When asked why, you simply tell them everything they did or done wrong.
To have them grow up would be for you to treat them like adults. Be forward. They came with only 30$, how ridiculous is that?
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Talk to them about it. Be nice, but be clear that you're serious about it, be direct. Tell them they should get their priorities right.
1. Let them know how dumb it is for them to be in NZ (I'd kill to get there) and staying inside to play PS.
2. Tell them that you expected them to stay for just 2 days and that if they wanted to stay longer should somehow contribute to keeping the household (only add this if you're willing to have them there a little longer) and that you can't really be babysitting (supergood term) them all the time.
And if that doesn't work: call the boy's parents lol
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well, from what you describe, it sounds like he was kicked out by his parents as well, for being a douche. Now he's couch surfing on the good graces of anyone he's come in contact with. you got suckered. Ask them to leave by tomorrow and find a hotel. you can be as nice as you want about it. Say that you need to have the house back because you don't like how they're living in it.
just be honest with them. It'll help them out in the long run and it certainly will defuse the situation if you're calm and rational. Don't make "never" or "always" statemenst and avoid blame. Just say "you feel like they aren't doing all they can to make their stay as stress free on you as possible, which is something you'd expect from guests."
But keep your finger on the emergency button on the phone at all times.
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Agree with torte. a situation like this calls for a confrontation. You could even just notify them that they are leaving in 2 days, or tomorrow, and not give them any choice.its your house and you've let them stay longer than the originally planned duration already. you have reason for complaint, but you cant really complain because its partly your fear of confrontation that has kept them there so long.
alternatively you could just tell them that if they want to stay they must clean up their act and be gracious guests.
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Netherlands4973 Posts
Call his parents, tell them about his(/their) behavior and discuss it with them. It were his parents that provided you a place,
Also talk to your parents, then let them talk to the boys. It's your parents' place after all.
Have your parents set them some house-rules and if they don't follow these simple rules, kick them out immediately. They should be old enough to get the idea.
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Thanks for the suggestions guys. The thing is I'm totally keen to just lay it out in front of them, but both my parents disagree with me vehemently. They say that his parents did a lot for me and they are forever grateful to them, so even though we are looking after them for longer than expected we should still treat them well.
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Tell them you will have other guests in 2 days, so u need the room?
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Hate to be neagtive and disagree with your parents but you'll only enable them. They'll sit there and suck up your money and time until you make them leave. Don't lie or obfuscate. Just tell them to leave. Good luck, life is hard and unpleasant sometimes.
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You're allowed to ask them to leave, there is nothing wrong with that. I don't see your parents objecting to a simple request.
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Lets join forces and kick their asses out of your house, where do you live?
+ Show Spoiler +Can I crash at your place after we kick them out? I forgot where my house was
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I think if you're just honest with them in a polite way it would be best. If they leave dirty shit around call them out. If they say they are leaving but don't, call them out. It definitely is a shitty situation but if you're too worried about how other people will perceive you and your actions you won't be able to get things done.
Your parents sound really, really nice. Regardless, if you want them out it's obviously going to be up to you to do it.
Good luck! Let us know of any updates.
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If you have a clean concience from you stay with their parents (as in, you did all the things while you were there that you expect them to do now) I say you owe it to these youngsters to show them what is acceptable and what is not. They deserve to know that they need to shape up, youre not doing them any favour by silently taking all the crap.
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You have to be direct with Germans.
No hints, smiles or anything just tell them they have to be gone by tomorrow.
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If your parents are telling you it's ok, just try to get over it.
1. It speaks enough of your parents to have mutual respect for his parents even though they would probably never know how disrespectful their son was.
2. Even if you never did anything wrong when you stayed at his house, just the fact that their was a possibility he didn't want you there for no reason at all, and his parents were nice to you, means that you should be able to deal with this for a few extra days.
3. If anything you both should learn from your parents. Even if he doesn't, you should from yours.
I can feel for you. That would make me very upset as well, but I give much respect to your parents.
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don't be a wuss, it's your house.
Whichever one of your family is closest to them should pull one of them to the side and tell them eyes to eyes that you think they should leave the next morning. Tell them politely. If they still try to override it, unleash hell/police.
It's your house, your rules.
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I dunno that situation kinda sucks. I mean they let you stay for a month so its not like you can just be a dick and kick them out you know. Hope it all works out- try not to call the police lol.
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On September 18 2011 15:16 tenacity wrote:
Tell them you will have other guests in 2 days, so u need the room?
Yeah that's what i was thinking
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Papua New Guinea1058 Posts
THOSE EFFIN BM EUROS!
On a more serious note, you can't really get rid of them without insulting their parents, coz they'll sure as hell tell them you kicked them out. So I'd suggest just making their stay less and less comfy. Cut the playstation, give them dry bread and water to eat. All and all I guess if you'd just talk to them about it they'd understand. Saying 'dude, you've come here for a work experience and all you do is sit on your ass all day long. dude get real or gg no re'. But sinde they let you stay at their place for a month, you cant kick them out, you might just wanna make em move a little.
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I don't think hinting is enough and the easiest way out is just telling them the truth.
Not that truth that they are bm, annoying and unwelcome. But instead all those things in nicer words, from the perspective of what you need instead of what is wrong with them. Probably needs to be made clear and not some vague "it would be nice if.." "maybe next..". Hinting obviously isn't working.
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You're obviously dealing with a bunch of sociopaths. Anybody that disregards decency and plays the social game (i.e. you owe / i disregard signals) need to be dealt with straight up. What you basically are doing now is feeding and housing people who pray on your sympathy. You don't owe him shit, you owe his parents for what they have done for you. You are talking about different human beings, but its only association telling you otherwise, Be straight up, polite, but be sure to kick those fuckers out.
Edit: Leave the blog conspicuously open and hope they read it!
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On September 19 2011 00:15 Aphasie wrote:
You don't owe him shit, you owe his parents for what they have done for you. You are talking about different human beings, but its only association telling you otherwise. His parents would feel thankful or upset about his treatment by association.
fuzzy_panda:
They arrived on Monday. We took them to dinner, gave them the only spare room of the house (which is actually my mum's office where she runs her business). My dad took 3 days off work to show them around Auckland and buy a car, my mum took the effort to arrange jobs for them…etc.
So we buy all the food, drinks and shit they need for them. Then because they didn't bring more money, of course they couldn't afford a car with 30 dollars. So we had to wait 3 days for a bank transfer. This caused them to overstay until Saturday. Now they've got their car and can drive around, but STILL won't fucking leave, even though we keep hinting at what their plan is, when they want to work etc. They say they will stay until next Wednesday.
That's 10 fucking days, 3x longer than what he asked me for. They're the worst guests I've ever had. Every day they just sit in my house and play Playstation. They say they want to explore Auckland, but today is the first day they've fucking gone out. The past 4 days they just stayed home. Then when my mum or I cook food they don't even say thank you, they eat it and just leave all the washing and cleaning to us. Today I came home and found EIGHT fucking unwashed glass cups in the sink and 3 dirty plates and forks/knives.
It's getting extremely frustrating and I'm just so fucking pissed off today. How do you make them leave without basically resulting to kicking them out and being a dick?
His parents were very nice to me and I stayed with them for a month. I think they probably aren't doing this maliciously, but just because it's their first time ever out of their own mommies houses and don't know how things work in the real world.
Like they just had no plans at all. They thought it'll be quick to do international bank transfer, easy to find a car and work...etc. We've ended up having to plan things for them.
The thing is I'm totally keen to just lay it out in front of them, but both my parents disagree with me vehemently. They say that his parents did a lot for me and they are forever grateful to them, so even though we are looking after them for longer than expected we should still treat them well. I recommend that you tell his parents everything. Check for anything suspicious about his trip.
Your parents don't want to kick them out or rebuke their behaviour. At least convince your parents to set obligations - dish-washing, laundry, cleaning, chores - that the guests have to perform for the rest of their stay. Also confirm their departure date (Wednesday).
On September 18 2011 14:58 s.Q.uelched wrote:
(1) Call his parents, tell them about his(/their) behavior and discuss it with them.
(2) Have your parents set them some house-rules and if they don't follow these simple rules, kick them out immediately.
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ask them if they need help finding a hotel
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I know these kind of people, they are leeches. My brother is like that (23 years old). they don't clean after them selves, don't do any chores, don't work or pay for anything. And they think it's their fucking right. I don't even get a "thank you" for paying his god damn debts.
You are lucky you just need to confront them and kick them out, I have to live with one who just whines to my parents how he is deppressed and shit, so I can't kick him out.
Don't let these people stay, get rid of them A.S.A.P. And don't feel sorry for them, they are not thankful for your hospitality.
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On September 19 2011 04:34 Kolgrim wrote:
I know these kind of people, they are leeches. My brother is like that (23 years old). they don't clean after them selves, don't do any chores, don't work or pay for anything. And they think it's their fucking right. I don't even get a "thank you" for paying his god damn debts.
You are lucky you just need to confront them and kick them out, I have to live with one who just whines to my parents how he is deppressed and shit, so I can't kick him out.
Don't let these people stay, get rid of them A.S.A.P. And don't feel sorry for them, they are not thankful for your hospitality.
Link your parents to this blog and tell them how you feel.
@OP: On September 18 2011 14:58 s.Q.uelched Wrote:Call his parents, tell them about his(/their) behavior and discuss it with them. It were his parents that provided you a place,
Also talk to your parents, then let them talk to the boys. It's your parents' place after all.
ask that your parents set them some house-rules and if they don't follow these simple rules, kick them out immediately. They should be old enough to get the idea.
This is exactly what I would do. Underlined in the quote is wording I changed, bold what was underlined in the original post. Don't give up on convincing your parents.
Topic for discussion: Should he just call his parents even if his own parent's don't agree?
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The problem with Asians is that they're always afraid to offend anyone and as a result they end up getting walked all over by the Aryans - whether it be in jobs where instead of being promoted to managerial roles they're stuck kissing white managerial ass in accounting and convince themselves it's because they're being good at what they do since they were good at maths at school or in relationships where the nerd gets cuckolded by the girl who's only with him for the gifts, or supermarket lanes when another customer pushes in front of them and they're too polite to put their foot down. Don't let your parents keep you down. Grow some balls... The balls your father never passed on to you because he's a pushover:
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewpost.php?post_id=11160720
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After discussing with my parents they have informed me that yeah these guys have made arrangements to leave Wednesday morning, so I think I'll just tough it out. I've pretty much just started telling them what to do. Like when I'm cooking dinner and those three are standing there looking at the kitchen like retards I told them to set the table (jesus christ you have to tell that to 20 year olds before eating?), and after dinner i told them to wash the plates while i take out the trash. Like I said what they're doing is not suspicious or malicious, these cunts are just really so dumb that they have no idea how to behave like mature adults.
The problem with Asians is that they're always afraid to offend anyone and as a result they end up getting walked all over by the Aryans - whether it be in jobs where instead of being promoted to managerial roles they're stuck kissing white managerial ass in accounting and convince themselves it's because they're being good at what they do since they were good at maths at school or in relationships where the nerd gets cuckolded by the girl who's only with him for the gifts, or supermarket lanes when another customer pushes in front of them and they're too polite to put their foot down. Don't let your parents keep you down. Grow some balls... The balls your father never passed on to you because he's a pushover:
wtf dude? this has nothing to do with me being Asian. if it were my house i would've kicked them out ages ago. my parents are doing this because they are grateful that his parents looked after me for a month when i went to germany. they feel like they should be able to talk to these guys like they are adults, and so they simply imply and hint at things. most mature adults understand hints quite easily
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Fuzzy, i don't agree with you.
You're making a big fuss out of something you should have a better understanding of.
From what you wrote, it looks like that guy is nothing but a spoiled brat, a not so well socially integrated guy. He lacks understanding of even basic social issues. I think his friends may be just like him. They aren't doing it on purpose, or being bad or trying to walk over you, they just don't get it... what it seems normal for some, it's not for others who are socially non-adapted. I mean, Jesus they came with 30$?! Imagine them as kids who just now meet the real life.
You should have more patience, you did stay at his place for a month, even if you are of course acting a lot better and have basic understanding of social relations and needs for living with someone. I understand your frustration but honestly it's not that well founded.
You are more mature, maybe you can help them in a non-offensive way to explain some things about "life" and how to act. They will eventually going to shape-up and understand some basic behavior notions.
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On September 18 2011 14:17 fuzzy_panda wrote:
Are all Germans like this?
On September 19 2011 17:55 fuzzy_panda wrote:
wtf dude? this has nothing to do with me being Asian.
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You should have more faith in your parents that they know what they are doing, and you should chill and just put up with it.
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On September 19 2011 18:53 qrs wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2011 17:55 fuzzy_panda wrote:
wtf dude? this has nothing to do with me being Asian.
thank you for pointing out my hypocrisy. I retract anything derogatory i said about Germans in my first post (and seeing how i was there for a year i know for a fact most of them aren't like this). I was just going off on a rant and i guess i went a bit overboard
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On September 19 2011 20:54 fuzzy_panda wrote:Show nested quote +On September 19 2011 18:53 qrs wrote:On September 18 2011 14:17 fuzzy_panda wrote:
Are all Germans like this?
On September 19 2011 17:55 fuzzy_panda wrote:
wtf dude? this has nothing to do with me being Asian. thank you for pointing out my hypocrisy. I retract anything derogatory i said about Germans in my first post (and seeing how i was there for a year i know for a fact most of them aren't like this). I was just going off on a rant and i guess i went a bit overboard I'm impressed that you're not being defensive about it. Props.
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So did you tell your unwanted guests to GTFO yet? I'm curious to know how this fiasco turned out.
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Man the fuck up and tell them to get the hell out.
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Do what torte said. Either be direct with them and throw them out, or make their lives fucking miserable.
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Hi guys just an update, they left Wednesday morning at 10am like they promised. They even got us gifts and thanked us for our hospitality. They did sharpen up their act a wee bit at the end since they started doing their own dishes when they had breakfast. However the main guy whose family hosted me was probably the worst at that (he'd always be the last to do anything). He's also a sneaky little cunt. I was checking the internet usage over the past week and it was fine, but in the last 2 days he decided he'd sleep on our couch instead of in the room. When my dad asked him why he said he can't stand the snoring of his friend. But instead he was actually using skype to video chat with his girlfriend. So in the last 2 days, our internet usage jumped up to 4-5GB per day, adding to about 9 GBs used in just the past 2 days. Now I'm not sure if you guys know this, but New Zealand has the most expensive internet in the world. It costs us $105 NZD for a landline and 60GB bandwidth per month (it was 40GB limit only 2 months ago). I had specifically told him that before he came, that NZ internet is very limited and expensive. And on the last few days he lies to my dad about his intentions and uses up our data. So last night before i went to bed I unplugged the modem. Oh and guess what? Before he went he had the audacity to ask if he could stay with us again for a few days before he left for Germany. I gave him a flat "no"
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Holy shit, SKYPE video chat uses up five gigs of data?
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Congratulations (non-sarcastic). Feels good in more ways than one, doesn't it?
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On September 21 2011 13:26 Fatal Fury wrote:
Holy shit, SKYPE video chat uses up five gigs of data?
Yeah he somehow used that much. The way he spent his time at my house was either:
- video games/tv
- going on skype
skype audio is fine and uses like 25-50mb per hour, but video takes up a ton of bandwidth.
On September 21 2011 13:43 domane wrote:
Congratulations (non-sarcastic). Feels good in more ways than one, doesn't it?
fuck yeah!
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On September 21 2011 14:53 fuzzy_panda wrote:
skype audio is fine and uses like 25-50mb per hour, but video takes up a ton of bandwidth.
Shit, I better stop using SKYPE then. Dammit, I thought it was like the cheap alternative to international phone calls.
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EPT
