|
On August 22 2011 18:53 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 18:21 Malyce wrote:
Indeed, quite frankly I agree with a lot of what has been said thus far. Number one, you should try to move out. It's useful to be able at the very least to "unclog" your lifestyle. Get rid of the clutter of having to look at a lazy privileged slob all day.
Apart from that, I also agree that your ex has crossed the thin line between passion and addiction. However that is uncharacteristic of the gaming community, and definitely shouldn't have you giving up on gamers all together! Come to a certain point, we all realise that it is exceptionally rare to be able to live off of our passion, and find a way for gaming to stay a hobby rather than become a way of life. He just isn't there yet, and his parents are seemingly just helping him delay the inevitable. In the end it'll make the shock harder on him, and on his partner as well.
May I ask however, how do you meet such people? In this case it was your roommate, perhaps in the future make a rule to only date people you've seen/met in a socially open environment? In any case I think that at this point you have managed to learn from your mistake and probably won't commit to such a boyfriend again.
Which leads me to me next point... What are you expecting out of the comments in this blog? Now that you've gotten reasonnable advice (move out!), info on gamers (we're awesome, date us, especially the Swiss ones, just not the sociopathic minority) and attracted some trolls (thanks Kiwifruit), as Clooney would say, what else?
Haha, Kiwifruit got permabanned (good). I felt silly for responding to his comment the way I did, but he pissed me off! I wasn't sure what to expect in the comments, but I'm rather pleased with the responses I did get. A lot of good insight.  However, I'm not sure why everyone thinks I have the ability to up and leave. It's not that easy, and I can't afford to live alone. I'm actually comfortable being here. My ex/roommate doesn't really bother me. Seriously! When we are together, we're more like friends and we certainly don't hate each other. I work a lot, and he does his own thing. Also, I would totally date a "Swiss one." Or any foreign boy for that matter. What girl can resist the sexy accents?! lolol.
I'm sorry... have you ever heard a swiss accent? It's german but oh so much more spit. Luckily I'm from the french-speaking part (which is also why I bash on the german-speakers).
Indeed it's tough to leave... I also recently broke up with a flatmate and it used to be so practical... but then I guess it really depends on how emotionnaly attached you were to the person. I thought it was fine to keep living together, but came to realise that it was much better to cut clean. I could go into a whole Feng Shui explanation of how he is clutter in your holy place, and you must remove clutter to live in well-being, but I think you get the general idea.
But if you weren't too involved emotionnaly and can still be good friends without him getting on your nerves too much, then I guess it's fine. Just look out for those signs (getting irritated too easily, wanting to move all your furniture, getting melancholic, that sort of thing).
Glad you got the insight you were looking for! After all the number one place to go when you need to let out a good rant is definitely TL blogs 
|
Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
On August 22 2011 19:14 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon: ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/oVIzb.gif) Haha, cute. Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3
Haha HP :D The love doctor (technically, love psychologist). Wouldnt recommend it though, my now ex girlfriend who also posts on this site would agree. (Actually, for a moment I thought this story was about me, haha, my ex' nick is Porcelain on MSN.. wtf)
And you know.. Heyoka has a lot of ESPORTS knowledge. Perfect guy (though a TL noob)
|
On August 22 2011 19:30 Beyonder wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 19:14 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon: Haha, cute. Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3 Haha HP :D The love doctor (technically, love psychologist). Wouldnt recommend it though, my now ex girlfriend who also posts on this site would agree. (Actually, for a moment I thought this story was about me, haha, my ex' nick is Porcelain on MSN.. wtf) And you know.. Heyoka has a lot of ESPORTS knowledge. Perfect guy (though a TL noob)
I'd be devastated if my ex posted here. How irritating lol.
And.... that's a weird coincidence!
|
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 22 2011 19:45 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 19:30 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 19:14 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon: Haha, cute. Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3 Haha HP :D The love doctor (technically, love psychologist). Wouldnt recommend it though, my now ex girlfriend who also posts on this site would agree. (Actually, for a moment I thought this story was about me, haha, my ex' nick is Porcelain on MSN.. wtf) And you know.. Heyoka has a lot of ESPORTS knowledge. Perfect guy (though a TL noob) I'd be devastated if my ex posted here. How irritating lol. And.... that's a weird coincidence!
Coincidence....hmmmm.....
Well, Beyonder is clearly doing everything to have you set-up for the future so :D
As for the living side, as everyone has said, moving out seems a good idea. However, I'm not sure about the living alone side. I've personally always loved having flatmates/housemates. During my 4 years at uni, I've NEVER lived with people I knew beforehand, and it turned out ace. You mentioned that you don't know that many people in the city. This is a perfect chance to try it out. Go searching for a new place, find a decent group who are looking for another person to live with them, and if you like them, move in. Its a good way to meet new people and sorta instantly get into new hobbies/good habits that you may not have beforehand.
|
Saying "stopping dating gamers" is like saying "ok I'm only going to date people that NEVER read books."
I'd suggest if you can afford it to move out. Perhaps someone at your work needs a roomie, but basically try and get out of that place it's not going to do you any good.
Then work on yourself and be the person you want to be and achieve your goals and treat relationships as secondary and don't give them any thought. Chances are you'll meet someone along the way that is good for you.
|
What about casual gamers though? I mean, one of my ex-gf broke up with me and one of the main reasons was because I played too much dota (come on now, a man needs his nightly rage dota time). It's not like I played dota THAT much. Maybe 1-2 hour a night. I didn't skip any classes. Well, now I have a full-time job in my field of study and probably off to a good start in a solid career, and I still game 1-2 hours a night. She probably regretting~ =P ok well my point is, you should try to find someone who's more of a casual gamer that knows how to deal with real life as well as have fun online. According to your description this guy you're living with doesn't seem to have any plans for his own future, so I don't see any reasons for you to stay with this dude any longer.
|
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl.
|
On August 22 2011 15:35 Porcelain wrote:Since TL.net is primarily male dominated, I figured this would be the best place to ask for advice. Warning: this is mostly me ranting about my ex and why I continue to date gamers (I love them, what can I say?).I currently live with someone. Our situation at the moment consists of my life being consumed with work, school, random events… his consists of nothing except League of Legends. He’s my “roommate” for all intents and purposes. When we started dating, I knew I was going in a different direction with him. I was taking a huge chance. We constantly feared our living situation would be destroyed if we ever broke up. Well, guess what? The word destroyed doesn’t even begin to touch what has happened. He graduated recently with a degree in – wait for it – game design. He’s never had a job. His parents pay for everything, EVERYTHING. I never see him, and we live in the same house. I’m involved in work/school so often (and he stays up all night/sleeps all day) that I literally go days without seeing him sometimes, due to the opposite sleeping schedules. When we are awake and both at home, he‘s playing LoL. It’s pathetic! I guess he was trying to humor me when he bought sc2 in the recent months, but he never plays it. He loves freakin’ LoL too much. Ugh. I moved to this state in February this year for school and work reasons. I don’t know anyone besides him and his family. I work a job that consists of all females (children’s retail, just works out that way) and I’ve told him, numerous times, if he doesn’t change – I’m gone. I WILL meet someone else regardless of this living situation. He refuses to go out with me, and has no motivation. He’d rather stay home and play video games. I don’t have a problem with gaming. I love gaming. But I also love real life. His parents made him this way by spoiling him beyond anything I ever imagined. A lot of my anger towards him comes from pure jealousy. I’ve realized this in the last several months. It would be a dream if I had well-off parents who could pay for all my living expenses and more, while I did whatever I felt like doing. I can’t help but feel like he’s just too damn lucky. I work my ass off. My resume is pretty damn impressive for my age because of how much work I put into my future. So… that’s why we failed. Different goals, different lifestyle. Now things are really awkward. I feel unbelievably stuck in this small city in Ohio. I don’t know how I’d meet anyone else. I’m lonely and depressed. This is awful. I wonder how he feels, or if he even cares. I doubt it. We’ve gone days without speaking. At the same time, I LOVE living here. It’s this crazy mixed up relationship I have with this state in general. I miss Florida, but I love Ohio. I guess I should stop dating gamers. I feel like I’ve been in this situation before… My last three relationships all failed miserably due to different goals in life. They were all gamers. Sure, it’s a good time when you stay up late drinking wine and playing final fantasy… but when I go to work the next day and you get to sleep in (because you either have no job or barely work) … I get a tad bit jealous. Just sayin’. Maybe I should date someone who enjoys sports. Like… the kind with balls! + Show Spoiler +
The thing that I've realized throughout my dating life is that the simple interests (what she likes to do with her time) are not actually that important.
Sure, you need SOME things in common, but what is far more important is what kind of person they are, and what they like isn't actually who they are (necessarily). What you need to be looking for is a guy that you want to be with because of who he is instead of being with a guy because you just share interests. It sounds like you want to be with someone who is motivated and fairly hard working (I can't really gleam anything else from your blog). You could find all kinds of different people that are that - gamers, jocks, any other stereotype. The more important thing is to look for a guy based on who he is because the interests (games, books, nerdery, sports, whatever) can all change. You can introduce a guy to more games (and odds are he'll like that you're introducing them to him), but you can't introduce a guy to being hard working/motivated (most of the time).
As for meeting new people, just push yourself out there. Take opportunities to meet new people, even if you're a little shy or not comfortable doing it. You should also definitely look into not living with this guy - it seems incredibly awkward and it sounds like it makes your home life unpleasant. Furthermore, getting him out of your life will make it easier to move on and find new things.
|
United States22883 Posts
On August 22 2011 20:35 Snugglebutt wrote:
Saying "stopping dating gamers" is like saying "ok I'm only going to date people that NEVER read books."
Well, gamers has a certain connotation of being a serious gamer, not just a casual. I think saying you date a musician is probably the same way- no one imagines you dating a cello player.
|
On August 22 2011 20:35 Snugglebutt wrote:
Saying "stopping dating gamers" is like saying "ok I'm only going to date people that NEVER read books."
There are people that play games casually, people that play games often, and then there are people who identify themselves as "gamers" when asked what they do.
The third group mentioned is VERY different from the other two, and probably share many a trait that makes them unattractive to 99% of the fairer sex.
|
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl.
Can someone translate this?
|
I've got a somewhat similar situation, being somewhat isolated in Central Ohio after graduating. I'm effectively stuck in Columbus, OH for a year, and the vast majority of friends, acquaintances, and potential girlfriends I've had over the past 4 years in central Ohio just seem like silly, alcoholic, directionless kids. As you already know, recent landlord issues have revealed how childish my roommates are, and my only choice is to "branch out" so to speak. Just know that central Ohio does have its share of gamers who are upwardly mobile, able to leave their room, and have actual aspirations, you just gotta find em :D
|
On August 23 2011 00:07 Hassybaby wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl. Can someone translate this?
From what i understand, he means:
"You (the OP) are an immature girl and need to grow up"
So basically he isn't contributing anything and just offending the OP.
I might be wrong though.
|
First of all, date someone who has a job and takes it at least as seriously as you do. That is the biggest problem.
|
Wow, what is up with Ohio? I remember Rekruls impressions of the place...
|
Every guy is a gamer at heart even if he plays few games. So, locate the root of the problem..
|
On August 23 2011 00:32 Morfildur wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2011 00:07 Hassybaby wrote:On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl. Can someone translate this? From what i understand, he means: "You (the OP) are an immature girl and need to grow up" So basically he isn't contributing anything and just offending the OP. I might be wrong though.
No, I think you're right. That comment doesn't really make sense though. "No longer a girl...?" What the hell lol.
|
Okay I'm hesitant to give advice because I need more information to give an informed opinion.
1. How did you meet?
2. How long did you date beforehand?
3. How recently was the breakup?
4. Has the ex always acted this way?
5. What is the current living arrangement financially (is he letting you stay there for free, cheap rent, is the house his/his parents)?
Just from the current information you provided, it seems that your ex settled into an extreme comfort zone, and does not know how to, or need to find direction in his life (as earlier posts stated he is spoiled and spoon fed). Unless something drastic happens to him, he will not change (i.e. his parents cut him off/he wakes up one day and hes 35, balding, 150 pounds overweight, still terrible at LoL).
Going forward, to facilitate change in someone so immature takes an incredible amount of effort. Telling someone to change isn't going to do jack shit even with negative consequences. Think back to your teenage years where your parents would say they would ground you if you didn't do something, and you went "Fuck It, I don't care". However, don't think you failed on any level; it's almost impossible to change someone who doesn't want to change (refer to the comfort zone point).
I'm sorry that your experience with dating gamers has been poor thus far, but it shouldn't deter you. It's nice to have activities that you can participate together in. Like everyone said, stop dating jobless slackers who sleep in all day. I don't know how you meet these people, thus my first question, but fixing how you go about meeting new guys could solve some problems.
Maybe its just the area you are from or the network of friends you have, but most of the gamers I know have full-time jobs, careers, useful college degrees, and are overall great people to talk to/hang out with. There are different types of people in any group, so don't lump us all together.
|
sad story. I was like that till 1) army and 2) my ex made me change t.t lol
Imo as somebody who has been like him in the past... I suggest you move on to be honest =/ Look for somewhere else to live and break up. very sad story. (or you can try to do what my ex did and literally just drag me everywhere for a few months =p worked out pretty well.) Mind you I was much younger than him... so it might not be as easy for you.
|
On August 22 2011 15:41 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Dress up as a fed Irelia and scare him the hell away from the house.
Maybe a fed Akali..
with the nurse skin!
But seriously not all gamers are bums, contrary to popular belief.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
