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Since TL.net is primarily male dominated, I figured this would be the best place to ask for advice.
Warning: this is mostly me ranting about my ex and why I continue to date gamers (I love them, what can I say?).
I currently live with someone. Our situation at the moment consists of my life being consumed with work, school, random events… his consists of nothing except League of Legends. He’s my “roommate” for all intents and purposes. When we started dating, I knew I was going in a different direction with him. I was taking a huge chance. We constantly feared our living situation would be destroyed if we ever broke up. Well, guess what? The word destroyed doesn’t even begin to touch what has happened.
He graduated recently with a degree in – wait for it – game design. He’s never had a job. His parents pay for everything, EVERYTHING. I never see him, and we live in the same house. I’m involved in work/school so often (and he stays up all night/sleeps all day) that I literally go days without seeing him sometimes, due to the opposite sleeping schedules. When we are awake and both at home, he‘s playing LoL. It’s pathetic! I guess he was trying to humor me when he bought sc2 in the recent months, but he never plays it. He loves freakin’ LoL too much. Ugh. I moved to this state in February this year for school and work reasons. I don’t know anyone besides him and his family. I work a job that consists of all females (children’s retail, just works out that way) and I’ve told him, numerous times, if he doesn’t change – I’m gone. I WILL meet someone else regardless of this living situation. He refuses to go out with me, and has no motivation. He’d rather stay home and play video games. I don’t have a problem with gaming. I love gaming. But I also love real life. His parents made him this way by spoiling him beyond anything I ever imagined. A lot of my anger towards him comes from pure jealousy. I’ve realized this in the last several months. It would be a dream if I had well-off parents who could pay for all my living expenses and more, while I did whatever I felt like doing. I can’t help but feel like he’s just too damn lucky. I work my ass off. My resume is pretty damn impressive for my age because of how much work I put into my future. So… that’s why we failed. Different goals, different lifestyle.
Now things are really awkward. I feel unbelievably stuck in this small city in Ohio. I don’t know how I’d meet anyone else. I’m lonely and depressed. This is awful. I wonder how he feels, or if he even cares. I doubt it. We’ve gone days without speaking. At the same time, I LOVE living here. It’s this crazy mixed up relationship I have with this state in general. I miss Florida, but I love Ohio.
I guess I should stop dating gamers. I feel like I’ve been in this situation before… My last three relationships all failed miserably due to different goals in life. They were all gamers. Sure, it’s a good time when you stay up late drinking wine and playing final fantasy… but when I go to work the next day and you get to sleep in (because you either have no job or barely work) … I get a tad bit jealous. Just sayin’.
Maybe I should date someone who enjoys sports. Like… the kind with balls!
+ Show Spoiler +
  
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Being a gamer does not equate to being a bum. Not all gamers leech of their parents for everything.
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"Maybe I should date someone who enjoys sports. Like… the kind with balls! "
Date salce, he is very good with oriana
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Baa?21242 Posts
Dress up as a fed Irelia and scare him the hell away from the house.
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a lot of gamers are a-social nim rods, just the way it is. if he's just gonna act like a kid don't worry about it, break up with him quietly and just enjoy life! you're young and you'll meet someone, just put yourself out there! go to college parties, you never know who you'll meet. =)
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Honestly, if you've tried everything you could already to get him to change, the only thing that's going to make him realize his mistakes is actually breaking up with him/leaving him. He's gotten into the mindset that he can slack off and do whatever he wants and you'll be there regardless of how much or little effort he puts into the relationship. Maybe you could get back together with him at some point in the future or something, but from what you've said, I'm almost positive that he won't change his attitude unless he gets a reality check. And to give that reality check you need to, at the very least, take a break from him for awhile to let him know that he has to give more than 0% into the relationship. It'll probably work out better for you as well in the end because you might even find someone else who is better for you. Best of luck.
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On August 22 2011 15:39 SkyLegenD wrote:
Being a gamer does not equate to being a bum. Not all gamers leech of their parents for everything.
Um, I know. It's my luck. Not all gamers I've dated have been leechers. A few of them worked, but they seemed less motivated to grow up. Just in general. I blame it on them being in their early twenties.
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Liking and playing games doesn't preclude someone from having drive or working hard. You just have to practice working out which gamers are the keepers  .
The feeling of being trapped in your city sucks though, and it can happen to everyone. The only solution is to do something different. Sign up for something new, get in touch with old friends, travel a bit, or something else entriely.
Oh, and one personal hang-up of mine: the common phrase is "intents and purposes", rather than "intensive purposes".
The moving on part is tough, but you'll get through it. Good luck!
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If the advice you're asking for is whether or not to continue dating gamers, I would say based on your experience you like gamers and you dislike slackers. So cross off gamers without jobs to begin with, rather than all gamers, and see where that gets you =P
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I'm kind of confused. Did you actually break up with him? If so, you're still living together? And is this you asking for advice, or just venting, or what? 
I don't really think gaming is the problem. There are many kinds of addictions that can numb people to real life social interaction. That being said, I can admit gamers do tend to be more prone to that kind of thing, especially if its with something competitive like SC2 or LoL.
I play a lot of games, I was even heavy into WoW for a while, but there was never a point where I put video games above my girlfriend. You've been getting unlucky, or maybe you're just a bad judge of character. Or it's just possible you're drawn to this type of guy. Either way, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope things work out for you!
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Um..Did you actually talk to him about it? Had a discussion on how to change things etc. To my understanding a healthy relationship is all about communication.
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Now you know how guys feel. When we try to get girls we like to notice us but they pay no heed.
even though you know they care deeply about you.
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On August 22 2011 15:42 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 15:39 SkyLegenD wrote:
Being a gamer does not equate to being a bum. Not all gamers leech of their parents for everything. Um, I know. It's my luck. Not all gamers I've dated have been leechers. A few of them worked, but they seemed less motivated to grow up. Just in general. I blame it on them being in their early twenties. So dump his ass~ and find one that can support both of you together.
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On August 22 2011 15:43 Jumbled wrote:Liking and playing games doesn't preclude someone from having drive or working hard. You just have to practice working out which gamers are the keepers . The feeling of being trapped in your city sucks though, and it can happen to everyone. The only solution is to do something different. Sign up for something new, get in touch with old friends, travel a bit, or something else entriely. Oh, and one personal hang-up of mine: the common phrase is "intents and purposes", rather than "intensive purposes". The moving on part is tough, but you'll get through it. Good luck!
I used to correct people on that lol. Fixed!
BTW, the punctuation goes inside the "quotation marks."
And yes, I suppose my judge of character is flawed. : / I have difficulty finding a keeper.
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What advice could you possibly be seeking after writing a blog like this. There are pretty mcuh only a few otpions
Break up with him, thats fucking obvious, he's worthless, and he either is providing amazing sex (doubtful, since you don't see him days at a time) or something.
You can live on your own, find any roommate that isnt' taking away precious years of your life, or anything.
Also, you don't HAVE to be dating someone at any given time, just because you break up with this guy doesn't mean you have to go out looking for a new guy immediately, just meet people, if you like real life equally to gaming then use that time, find and meet people make friends whatever.
Theres no advice to be given here everything is spelled out by you yourself, you know what to do now do it before you lose something you can't get back, which is time.
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For those who asked: Yes, we're still living together. No, we're not dating. I've spoken with him on many different occasions about my issues.
I guess this is more of a late-night venting post. Also, I'm kind of tired/irritated. It's nearly 3am and I really should be sleeping rather than lurking TL and complaining about life.
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Hueuehuehuehue. This rich nerd es #1. Always LoL, never lose.
Sounds like yo' ass needs to find a new place. Let this rich nerd play LoL in peace without your constant bickering.
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Not all gamers are like this, Im masters random player and yet i spend 9hrs studying finance... . Maybe u just got unlucky ?
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On August 22 2011 15:41 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Dress up as a fed Irelia and scare him the hell away from the house.
O.o I had to google Irelia to understand this. ^
Damn LoL.
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Move out then.
Recently me and a roommate got fed up with our other roommate who was messy, didn't clean up anything, was an overall slob and obnoxious. Had no real goals or directions in life, why put up with that, move out get a new place, bigger or smaller, cheaper or more expensive rent, doesn't matter.
And like everyone has said, being a gamer doesn't imply no ambitions, there are the people who all they do is play the games but there are also people with real goals and direction for the future beyond the game itself. So since you seem to be looking for the latter, but have an attraction towards the former, fix that.
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On August 22 2011 15:57 Chrispy wrote:
Hueuehuehuehue. This rich nerd es #1. Always LoL, never lose.
Sounds like yo' ass needs to find a new place. Let this rich nerd play LoL in peace without your constant bickering.
Hahaha, you're right. He HATES my bickering.
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Canada5155 Posts
Here's the thing about niche interests that we use to define ourselves.
They can either be a crutch or signify intense interest.
The term "gamer," ideally, connotes a strong passion for video games. But there's a difference between being passionate about something, i.e. treating it like an art or a skill to hone, and being an addicted bum. This is the line "gamers" walk. Quite honestly, I see more fall into the latter category than the former. Simply identifying with a large group gives one a sense of community and allows one to ascribe traits of others onto themselves. It allows one to grow complacent.
When it comes to being with other people, I've found that in my experience it really doesn't matter what the niche interest is. As long as someone is passionate about something, they tend to be enjoyable to be around and talk to. This is true for others as much as it is true for yourself, so be passionate about something.
A "gamer" can give you great insight into what it feels like to compete in the same way a "musician" can give you great insight into what it feels like to convey emotion through an instrument, or a "writer" can discuss the delicate harmony of adept elocution.
How many of us have felt absolutely moved when Day[9] speaks of video games? He's a "gamer," but more importantly, he's fervently and emotionally invested in his interest.
Don't limit yourself to "gamers."
Rather, seek out someone who is passionate about something. Chances are they'll also have that motivation to get out of the house you so value as well.
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On August 22 2011 15:57 DH_Remorse wrote:Not all gamers are like this, Im masters random player and yet i spend 9hrs studying finance... . Maybe u just got unlucky ?
I believe it. I'm a finance/business major and I've spent countless hours studying accounting. It's a lot tougher than most people imagine.
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Hey girl, just find a dorky dude who likes sports... problem solved. Seriously, I know a few people like the one you are describing, there's not much point - give an ultimatum and just go.
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I love that quote by HawaiianPig There is a difference between being passionate for gaming, and being an addict. Your roommate is an addict not someone with a passion or drive for a bigger goal.
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Canada5155 Posts
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I think you should seriously consider living alone there. I know a lot of people stay in relationships because they fear being alone (been there). However, staying with the wrong person IS worse. You're not going to get what you want/need by staying (it's doubtful he'll change anytime soon). Start hanging out with the people you work with from time to time. Don't worry about finding another guy right away; instead try to make some friends.
There's nothing wrong with gamers/nerds/whatever. The problem is slackers (people without "life" goals). [spoiler]I would say "unmotivated" but often such people are very motivated... at the wrong things[spoiler]It's important that you be with someone willing to live in the real world with you - someone independent. (You're very right about the different goals and different lifestyle being problematic.) I went through a similar stage in a relationship (I was the gamer you described). I started falling into similar patterns in my current relationship for a little while (we moved to a new country and I had nothing to do but game and got very lazy about rl). It took my brother getting divorced for me to realize that I needed to actually work to keep my wife too.
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After reading your description of him, it became quite clear why he treats the relationship between you and him with disregard. He is spoiled, which is a product of him getting anything he desires without any exertion on his part. It is absolutely no surprise that this would also apply in his relationships. A relationship takes effort and he has no practice in giving effort to gain anything.
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On August 22 2011 16:02 HawaiianPig wrote:
Here's the thing about niche interests that we use to define ourselves.
They can either be a crutch or signify intense interest.
The term "gamer," ideally, connotes a strong passion for video games. But there's a difference between being passionate about something, i.e. treating it like an art or a skill to hone, and being an addicted bum. This is the line "gamers" walk. Quite honestly, I see more fall into the latter category than the former. Simply identifying with a large group gives one a sense of community and allows one to ascribe traits of others onto themselves. It allows one to grow complacent.
When it comes to being with other people, I've found that in my experience it really doesn't matter what the niche interest is. As long as someone is passionate about something, they tend to be enjoyable to be around and talk to. This is true for others as much as it is true for yourself, so be passionate about something.
A "gamer" can give you great insight into what it feels like to compete in the same way a "musician" can give you great insight into what it feels like to convey emotion through an instrument, or a "writer" can discuss the delicate harmony of adept elocution.
How many of us have felt absolutely moved when Day[9] speaks of video games? He's a "gamer," but more importantly, he's fervently and emotionally invested in his interest.
Don't limit yourself to "gamers."
Rather, seek out someone who is passionate about something. Chances are they'll also have that motivation to get out of the house you so value as well.
Hmm. This is the most intelligent response thus far. Thank you. This was perfect.. and I think exactly what I needed to hear... er, read.
I'm passionate about gaming, and that's what attracts me to guys who also enjoying gaming (especially esports) like I do. It is unfortunate that they tend to fall into that latter category. It's really not that surprising that my luck has been this way.
You're right. I think being open minded will be my key to the future. I'm not going to limit myself.
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On August 22 2011 16:08 SarR wrote:
After reading your description of him, it became quite clear why he treats the relationship between you and him with disregard. He is spoiled, which is a product of him getting anything he desires without any exertion on his part. It is absolutely no surprise that this would also apply in his relationships. A relationship takes effort and he has no practice in giving effort to gain anything.
This is a really, really good point. You're so unbelievably correct, I hadn't really thought of this before. That's absolutely why he treats me the way he does. Also, knowing what I know about him (that I didn't include in my description) this speaks volumes about his personality.
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Wow this is the only relationship blog I've read recently that was even slightly readable. Well done 5/5
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Just move out and stay single for a while. Being single is fucking awesome.
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On August 22 2011 16:22 Subversive wrote:
Wow this is the only relationship blog I've read recently that was even slightly readable. Well done 5/5
Thanks! I plan to start posting in some of the girl related relationship blogs I come across. The number of female posters is a bit lacking, so I feel like I could possibly provide some insight!
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On August 22 2011 16:26 Korinai wrote:
Just move out and stay single for a while. Being single is fucking awesome.
This is true, freedom is a wonderful thing, also living alone isnt for everyone, but omg its amazing. Also, maybe your trying to hard? i mean, you shouldnt have to say "i guess i should't date gamers anymore'' or w/e, the person you date should be whatever and whoever they want, it shouldnt be, "well i like sports, so my bf/gf has to like sports", it should be more natural than that, the best relationships come out of the blue, almost at random, without looking for them. Although the single life is awesome, i dont have to go clubbing! so happy!
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On August 22 2011 15:41 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Dress up as a fed Irelia and scare him the hell away from the house.
rofl , i cracked up so hard i woke my cat in panic mode :D
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On August 22 2011 16:02 HawaiianPig wrote:
Here's the thing about niche interests that we use to define ourselves.
They can either be a crutch or signify intense interest.
The term "gamer," ideally, connotes a strong passion for video games. But there's a difference between being passionate about something, i.e. treating it like an art or a skill to hone, and being an addicted bum. This is the line "gamers" walk. Quite honestly, I see more fall into the latter category than the former. Simply identifying with a large group gives one a sense of community and allows one to ascribe traits of others onto themselves. It allows one to grow complacent.
When it comes to being with other people, I've found that in my experience it really doesn't matter what the niche interest is. As long as someone is passionate about something, they tend to be enjoyable to be around and talk to. This is true for others as much as it is true for yourself, so be passionate about something.
A "gamer" can give you great insight into what it feels like to compete in the same way a "musician" can give you great insight into what it feels like to convey emotion through an instrument, or a "writer" can discuss the delicate harmony of adept elocution.
How many of us have felt absolutely moved when Day[9] speaks of video games? He's a "gamer," but more importantly, he's fervently and emotionally invested in his interest.
Don't limit yourself to "gamers."
Rather, seek out someone who is passionate about something. Chances are they'll also have that motivation to get out of the house you so value as well.
Offtopic but I couldn't help to ask... How did you get that elephant icon???
To answer the OP: In my opinion, the relationship is doomed. Considering that you sound like a girl who's achievement orientated, I feel that you can't last too long.
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I wonder what ILOVEKITTENS would say to this blog, hahaha
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You can leave him and open his eyes, or you can just leave him and don't care about him. It depends how much you love him and if you think you have a future with him. Good luck!
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Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks.
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On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks.
Heh, he sounded more like a mummy's-boy than alpha.
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Sounds like you had really bad luck.
Also, your boyfriend seems to be an addict and not a passionate gamer, just as people pointed out. If he was passionate he'd clearly do everything in a more structured way etc.
This "He is just TOO lucky" theory isn't even far away from reality:
Why should he bother doing something when he gets what he wants anyway?
Maybe he thinks the same way about you? "She's here anyway so who cares"...
I don't know.
I don't know what you should do but I can however wish you the best of luck.
Seems like you deserve it!
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On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks.
Wow. I'm not exactly sure how I should respond to this.
If I posted a picture of myself, I'd be classified as some attention whore on TL. This has happened before on here to other female posters.
I look damn good in those revealing/scantily clad type pictures. And just as good in regular, fully clothed ones. I just don't want that image. I honestly feel bad when you guys give a certain female poster a hard time over what she chooses to post.
Your comment has me pissed off and tempted though. Grats....
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We should go out. I'm not a leech and I like playing games, and girls who play games. There, game set match we're a couple. See you on saturday.
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On August 22 2011 17:15 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks. Wow. I'm not exactly sure how I should respond to this. If I posted a picture of myself, I'd be classified as some attention whore on TL. This has happened before on here to other female posters. I look damn good in those revealing/scantily clad type pictures. And just as good in regular, fully clothed ones. I just don't want that image. I honestly feel bad when you guys give a certain female poster a hard time over what she chooses to post. Your comment has me pissed off and tempted though. Grats....
Kiwi sounds a bit brash, but it's 100% true. Look, it has even piqued your interest, lol.
Too bad Kiwi's technique is not my style or maybe I can see more hot pics.
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On August 22 2011 17:15 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks. Wow. I'm not exactly sure how I should respond to this. If I posted a picture of myself, I'd be classified as some attention whore on TL. This has happened before on here to other female posters. I look damn good in those revealing/scantily clad type pictures. And just as good in regular, fully clothed ones. I just don't want that image. I honestly feel bad when you guys give a certain female poster a hard time over what she chooses to post. Your comment has me pissed off and tempted though. Grats....
You wanted a male opinion, you get one and are now pissed off. Jesus Christ. And you sound like a guy bragging about his e-penis.
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Katowice25012 Posts
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here?
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Canada5155 Posts
On August 22 2011 17:23 Azzur wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 17:15 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks. Wow. I'm not exactly sure how I should respond to this. If I posted a picture of myself, I'd be classified as some attention whore on TL. This has happened before on here to other female posters. I look damn good in those revealing/scantily clad type pictures. And just as good in regular, fully clothed ones. I just don't want that image. I honestly feel bad when you guys give a certain female poster a hard time over what she chooses to post. Your comment has me pissed off and tempted though. Grats.... Kiwi sounds a bit brash, but it's 100% true. Look, it has even piqued your interest, lol. Too bad Kiwi's technique is not my style or maybe I can see more hot pics.
Yeah, totally true. The guy who plays LoL all night and has his parents pay for all his shit is definitely "Alpha."
She totally just fell for his sheer confidence and turned into a quivering female mess, unable to resist.
*slams down a copy of The Game*
EDIT: SUP HEYOKA
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On August 22 2011 17:27 Kiwifruit wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 17:15 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks. Wow. I'm not exactly sure how I should respond to this. If I posted a picture of myself, I'd be classified as some attention whore on TL. This has happened before on here to other female posters. I look damn good in those revealing/scantily clad type pictures. And just as good in regular, fully clothed ones. I just don't want that image. I honestly feel bad when you guys give a certain female poster a hard time over what she chooses to post. Your comment has me pissed off and tempted though. Grats.... You wanted a male opinion, you get one and are now pissed off. Jesus Christ. And you sound like a guy bragging about his e-penis.
Okay, okay. I'm not that mad lol.
+ Show Spoiler +only because you related me to a guy bragging about his e-penis. which made me giggle.
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On August 22 2011 17:29 HawaiianPig wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 17:23 Azzur wrote:On August 22 2011 17:15 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 17:05 Kiwifruit wrote:
Firstly, post a picture of yourself. Secondly, I can tell from reading this blog that you were initially attracted to him because he had balls. He sounds like an alpha who holds his ground and doesn't give a shit about what people think of him.
I'm not trying to be harsh - but merely stating a fact of reality.
For guys, what they look for in a chick is 90% about looks, 10% personality.
So if you're looking for a new partner - it doesn't matter if you work in a female dominated industry. If you are hot, guys will naturally hit on you in the street. If you are not hot, then unfortunately this is going to be an issue. If you want a new partner you'll need to work on your looks. Wow. I'm not exactly sure how I should respond to this. If I posted a picture of myself, I'd be classified as some attention whore on TL. This has happened before on here to other female posters. I look damn good in those revealing/scantily clad type pictures. And just as good in regular, fully clothed ones. I just don't want that image. I honestly feel bad when you guys give a certain female poster a hard time over what she chooses to post. Your comment has me pissed off and tempted though. Grats.... Kiwi sounds a bit brash, but it's 100% true. Look, it has even piqued your interest, lol. Too bad Kiwi's technique is not my style or maybe I can see more hot pics. Yeah, totally true. The guy who plays LoL all night and has his parents pay for all his shit is definitely "Alpha." She totally just fell for his sheer confidence and turned into a quivering female mess, unable to resist. *slams down a copy of The Game*EDIT: SUP HEYOKA
Haha, wasn't referring to they guy being alpha as true - more like what kiwi said in the subsequent paragraphs about guys hitting on hit chicks.
Btw, u didn't answer my earlier question - how did u get that icon?????
I just worked it out: you must be the creator of all those elephant pics?
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On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here?
It's 3am, what do you think I'm doing? And I have to wake up tomorrow for work. Granted, I'm going in later in the afternoon. But still.
In response to your many question marks - YES. That makes you responsible.
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I have to say I'm kind of surprised you still live with him. You need to move out ASAP. Staying there will only prolong your feelings of frustration/anger/whatever. I would seriously go crazy if I were in your situation...like, bang my head against the wall and ask why am I still living together with someone who pushes my buttons and doesn't seem to give a crap about me lol
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Yo. Some advice on how to find and engage in a relationship with someone possessing greater maturity than your room mate;
Work on some kind of deep interest like HawaiianPig discussed. You should be looking for people with some passion, but try to use the interim to determine some of your own. There's nothing more boring than chatting up a girl and hearing 'oh well I like a lot of different music/books/movies' and 'I like hanging out and stuff' or the dreaded 'I like games,' which often translates to Angry Birds, Peggle or Farmville, often windowed to the side of her consistently-refreshing facebook page.
My half of a conversation with a stranger is all about curiosity and genuine interest - it's never about what you like (barring hate crimes or murder) but about how much you dig it. If your attitude towards what you think is valuable enough to reveal to me is vague and milquetoast, that's probably gonna be my attitude in response. Your hobbies could lie on the furthest fringes, but if you are into them, I will be enchanted.
Adopt some strong opinions. If we disagree on something, drop logic bombs. It's hot, tbh.
Be discerning in taste. Instead of a 'gamer', tell me you dig Final Fantasy or Starcraft or Tetris, it's all good.
Be proud of yourself, because I'm sure you're awesome.
This is just what I've grown to seek out after ~4 years of consistent dating followed by a long period of solitude to get my head straight, but I think these qualities lead to being a magnetic person universally. I'm a self-sufficient undergrad student in his senior year, totally unspoiled, and a lover of gaming for competition's sake. We ain't all bums! :b
+ Show Spoiler +Bonus anecdotal - My best friend recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. He had similar apathetic qualities about 'real life' - any trips out had to be extensively planned, or didn't catch his interest, or were interesting but inferior to his desire to read fantasy novels or play dat Halo. She's rather athletic, has hedonistic urges, enjoys the flirtation of dancing and is sociable in spades. The single life is rocking for her and has been all summer. By proxy, it comes highly recommended.
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Indeed, quite frankly I agree with a lot of what has been said thus far. Number one, you should try to move out. It's useful to be able at the very least to "unclog" your lifestyle. Get rid of the clutter of having to look at a lazy privileged slob all day.
Apart from that, I also agree that your ex has crossed the thin line between passion and addiction. However that is uncharacteristic of the gaming community, and definitely shouldn't have you giving up on gamers all together! Come to a certain point, we all realise that it is exceptionally rare to be able to live off of our passion, and find a way for gaming to stay a hobby rather than become a way of life. He just isn't there yet, and his parents are seemingly just helping him delay the inevitable. In the end it'll make the shock harder on him, and on his partner as well.
May I ask however, how do you meet such people? In this case it was your roommate, perhaps in the future make a rule to only date people you've seen/met in a socially open environment? In any case I think that at this point you have managed to learn from your mistake and probably won't commit to such a boyfriend again.
Which leads me to me next point... What are you expecting out of the comments in this blog? Now that you've gotten reasonnable advice (move out!), info on gamers (we're awesome, date us, especially the Swiss ones, just not the sociopathic minority) and attracted some trolls (thanks Kiwifruit), as Clooney would say, what else?
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On August 22 2011 15:50 Porcelain wrote:BTW, the punctuation goes inside the "quotation marks." Only in American convention. 
And yes, I suppose my judge of character is flawed. : / I have difficulty finding a keeper.
I don't think you can blame yourself too much for that. It's hard to work out before a relationship whether you have conflicting goals in life.
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Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here?
You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here.
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There is a simple rule:
If he doesn't have a job or didn't have a job for longer than 3 month (short periods of unemployment are excuseable) he's not worth it, no matter how pretty, nice or good in bed he is. No job, no match.
I'm a gamer, too, i spend 4-6 hours a day playing games (or well, currently mostly watching streams because i'm too afraid of the ladder :p) and still have a job, so there is no correlation between being a gamer and having a job and a reallife.
Follow that one simple rule and you will be a lot happier.
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On August 22 2011 18:21 Malyce wrote:
Indeed, quite frankly I agree with a lot of what has been said thus far. Number one, you should try to move out. It's useful to be able at the very least to "unclog" your lifestyle. Get rid of the clutter of having to look at a lazy privileged slob all day.
Apart from that, I also agree that your ex has crossed the thin line between passion and addiction. However that is uncharacteristic of the gaming community, and definitely shouldn't have you giving up on gamers all together! Come to a certain point, we all realise that it is exceptionally rare to be able to live off of our passion, and find a way for gaming to stay a hobby rather than become a way of life. He just isn't there yet, and his parents are seemingly just helping him delay the inevitable. In the end it'll make the shock harder on him, and on his partner as well.
May I ask however, how do you meet such people? In this case it was your roommate, perhaps in the future make a rule to only date people you've seen/met in a socially open environment? In any case I think that at this point you have managed to learn from your mistake and probably won't commit to such a boyfriend again.
Which leads me to me next point... What are you expecting out of the comments in this blog? Now that you've gotten reasonnable advice (move out!), info on gamers (we're awesome, date us, especially the Swiss ones, just not the sociopathic minority) and attracted some trolls (thanks Kiwifruit), as Clooney would say, what else?
Haha, Kiwifruit got permabanned (good). I felt silly for responding to his comment the way I did, but he pissed me off!
I wasn't sure what to expect in the comments, but I'm rather pleased with the responses I did get. A lot of good insight.
However, I'm not sure why everyone thinks I have the ability to up and leave. It's not that easy, and I can't afford to live alone. I'm actually comfortable being here. My ex/roommate doesn't really bother me. Seriously! When we are together, we're more like friends and we certainly don't hate each other. I work a lot, and he does his own thing.
Also, I would totally date a "Swiss one." Or any foreign boy for that matter.
What girl can resist the sexy accents?! lolol.
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Canada5155 Posts
On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here.
Hey man, I've found your new icon:
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/oVIzb.gif)
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On August 22 2011 15:42 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 15:39 SkyLegenD wrote:
Being a gamer does not equate to being a bum. Not all gamers leech of their parents for everything. Um, I know. It's my luck. Not all gamers I've dated have been leechers. A few of them worked, but they seemed less motivated to grow up. Just in general. I blame it on them being in their early twenties.
Haha, I'm almost 30 and still haven't grown up, why would I? Sure I've been working for quite some time now, bought a home and have to pay the bank monthly, have savings but I'm still a little kid and I love it. If only I'd win the lottery but am too lazy to go play and it's just a big waste of money really.
The worst thing that could ever happen in my life would be getting a promotion to a managerial position. It's bad enough I've had to take over as project manager now. I like being the slave on the cotton plantation as long as I don't have to work in a cubicle and don't have to work overtime the entire year.
As long as I make enough money to not need anything and have some leftover I don't need extra goals, I love my job and wouldn't sell out too cheap.
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On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon:
Haha, cute.
Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3
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On August 22 2011 18:53 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 18:21 Malyce wrote:
Indeed, quite frankly I agree with a lot of what has been said thus far. Number one, you should try to move out. It's useful to be able at the very least to "unclog" your lifestyle. Get rid of the clutter of having to look at a lazy privileged slob all day.
Apart from that, I also agree that your ex has crossed the thin line between passion and addiction. However that is uncharacteristic of the gaming community, and definitely shouldn't have you giving up on gamers all together! Come to a certain point, we all realise that it is exceptionally rare to be able to live off of our passion, and find a way for gaming to stay a hobby rather than become a way of life. He just isn't there yet, and his parents are seemingly just helping him delay the inevitable. In the end it'll make the shock harder on him, and on his partner as well.
May I ask however, how do you meet such people? In this case it was your roommate, perhaps in the future make a rule to only date people you've seen/met in a socially open environment? In any case I think that at this point you have managed to learn from your mistake and probably won't commit to such a boyfriend again.
Which leads me to me next point... What are you expecting out of the comments in this blog? Now that you've gotten reasonnable advice (move out!), info on gamers (we're awesome, date us, especially the Swiss ones, just not the sociopathic minority) and attracted some trolls (thanks Kiwifruit), as Clooney would say, what else?
Haha, Kiwifruit got permabanned (good). I felt silly for responding to his comment the way I did, but he pissed me off! I wasn't sure what to expect in the comments, but I'm rather pleased with the responses I did get. A lot of good insight. However, I'm not sure why everyone thinks I have the ability to up and leave. It's not that easy, and I can't afford to live alone. I'm actually comfortable being here. My ex/roommate doesn't really bother me. Seriously! When we are together, we're more like friends and we certainly don't hate each other. I work a lot, and he does his own thing. Also, I would totally date a "Swiss one." Or any foreign boy for that matter. What girl can resist the sexy accents?! lolol.
I'm sorry... have you ever heard a swiss accent? It's german but oh so much more spit. Luckily I'm from the french-speaking part (which is also why I bash on the german-speakers).
Indeed it's tough to leave... I also recently broke up with a flatmate and it used to be so practical... but then I guess it really depends on how emotionnaly attached you were to the person. I thought it was fine to keep living together, but came to realise that it was much better to cut clean. I could go into a whole Feng Shui explanation of how he is clutter in your holy place, and you must remove clutter to live in well-being, but I think you get the general idea.
But if you weren't too involved emotionnaly and can still be good friends without him getting on your nerves too much, then I guess it's fine. Just look out for those signs (getting irritated too easily, wanting to move all your furniture, getting melancholic, that sort of thing).
Glad you got the insight you were looking for! After all the number one place to go when you need to let out a good rant is definitely TL blogs
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Beyonder
Netherlands15103 Posts
On August 22 2011 19:14 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon: Haha, cute. Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3
Haha HP :D The love doctor (technically, love psychologist). Wouldnt recommend it though, my now ex girlfriend who also posts on this site would agree. (Actually, for a moment I thought this story was about me, haha, my ex' nick is Porcelain on MSN.. wtf)
And you know.. Heyoka has a lot of ESPORTS knowledge. Perfect guy (though a TL noob)
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On August 22 2011 19:30 Beyonder wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 19:14 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon: Haha, cute. Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3 Haha HP :D The love doctor (technically, love psychologist). Wouldnt recommend it though, my now ex girlfriend who also posts on this site would agree. (Actually, for a moment I thought this story was about me, haha, my ex' nick is Porcelain on MSN.. wtf) And you know.. Heyoka has a lot of ESPORTS knowledge. Perfect guy (though a TL noob)
I'd be devastated if my ex posted here. How irritating lol.
And.... that's a weird coincidence!
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 22 2011 19:45 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 19:30 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 19:14 Porcelain wrote:On August 22 2011 18:54 HawaiianPig wrote:On August 22 2011 18:42 Beyonder wrote:On August 22 2011 17:29 heyoka wrote:
I'm a dude who stays up all night, typically playing games, and then wakes up in "the morning" (I can say this because my alarm is set for 11, beating noon by a whole hour) to go to my job working with video games. Am I a gamer? Does that make me responsible? Where do I fit in here? You dont have a girlfriend. Soon, she wont have a boyfriend. You prove that you're different than the guy and that youre passionate. I can see a good fit right here. Hey man, I've found your new icon: Haha, cute. Oh, Beyonder. Heyoka has a good point lol! <3 Haha HP :D The love doctor (technically, love psychologist). Wouldnt recommend it though, my now ex girlfriend who also posts on this site would agree. (Actually, for a moment I thought this story was about me, haha, my ex' nick is Porcelain on MSN.. wtf) And you know.. Heyoka has a lot of ESPORTS knowledge. Perfect guy (though a TL noob) I'd be devastated if my ex posted here. How irritating lol. And.... that's a weird coincidence!
Coincidence....hmmmm.....
Well, Beyonder is clearly doing everything to have you set-up for the future so :D
As for the living side, as everyone has said, moving out seems a good idea. However, I'm not sure about the living alone side. I've personally always loved having flatmates/housemates. During my 4 years at uni, I've NEVER lived with people I knew beforehand, and it turned out ace. You mentioned that you don't know that many people in the city. This is a perfect chance to try it out. Go searching for a new place, find a decent group who are looking for another person to live with them, and if you like them, move in. Its a good way to meet new people and sorta instantly get into new hobbies/good habits that you may not have beforehand.
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Saying "stopping dating gamers" is like saying "ok I'm only going to date people that NEVER read books."
I'd suggest if you can afford it to move out. Perhaps someone at your work needs a roomie, but basically try and get out of that place it's not going to do you any good.
Then work on yourself and be the person you want to be and achieve your goals and treat relationships as secondary and don't give them any thought. Chances are you'll meet someone along the way that is good for you.
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What about casual gamers though? I mean, one of my ex-gf broke up with me and one of the main reasons was because I played too much dota (come on now, a man needs his nightly rage dota time). It's not like I played dota THAT much. Maybe 1-2 hour a night. I didn't skip any classes. Well, now I have a full-time job in my field of study and probably off to a good start in a solid career, and I still game 1-2 hours a night. She probably regretting~ =P ok well my point is, you should try to find someone who's more of a casual gamer that knows how to deal with real life as well as have fun online. According to your description this guy you're living with doesn't seem to have any plans for his own future, so I don't see any reasons for you to stay with this dude any longer.
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You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl.
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On August 22 2011 15:35 Porcelain wrote:Since TL.net is primarily male dominated, I figured this would be the best place to ask for advice. Warning: this is mostly me ranting about my ex and why I continue to date gamers (I love them, what can I say?).I currently live with someone. Our situation at the moment consists of my life being consumed with work, school, random events… his consists of nothing except League of Legends. He’s my “roommate” for all intents and purposes. When we started dating, I knew I was going in a different direction with him. I was taking a huge chance. We constantly feared our living situation would be destroyed if we ever broke up. Well, guess what? The word destroyed doesn’t even begin to touch what has happened. He graduated recently with a degree in – wait for it – game design. He’s never had a job. His parents pay for everything, EVERYTHING. I never see him, and we live in the same house. I’m involved in work/school so often (and he stays up all night/sleeps all day) that I literally go days without seeing him sometimes, due to the opposite sleeping schedules. When we are awake and both at home, he‘s playing LoL. It’s pathetic! I guess he was trying to humor me when he bought sc2 in the recent months, but he never plays it. He loves freakin’ LoL too much. Ugh. I moved to this state in February this year for school and work reasons. I don’t know anyone besides him and his family. I work a job that consists of all females (children’s retail, just works out that way) and I’ve told him, numerous times, if he doesn’t change – I’m gone. I WILL meet someone else regardless of this living situation. He refuses to go out with me, and has no motivation. He’d rather stay home and play video games. I don’t have a problem with gaming. I love gaming. But I also love real life. His parents made him this way by spoiling him beyond anything I ever imagined. A lot of my anger towards him comes from pure jealousy. I’ve realized this in the last several months. It would be a dream if I had well-off parents who could pay for all my living expenses and more, while I did whatever I felt like doing. I can’t help but feel like he’s just too damn lucky. I work my ass off. My resume is pretty damn impressive for my age because of how much work I put into my future. So… that’s why we failed. Different goals, different lifestyle. Now things are really awkward. I feel unbelievably stuck in this small city in Ohio. I don’t know how I’d meet anyone else. I’m lonely and depressed. This is awful. I wonder how he feels, or if he even cares. I doubt it. We’ve gone days without speaking. At the same time, I LOVE living here. It’s this crazy mixed up relationship I have with this state in general. I miss Florida, but I love Ohio. I guess I should stop dating gamers. I feel like I’ve been in this situation before… My last three relationships all failed miserably due to different goals in life. They were all gamers. Sure, it’s a good time when you stay up late drinking wine and playing final fantasy… but when I go to work the next day and you get to sleep in (because you either have no job or barely work) … I get a tad bit jealous. Just sayin’. Maybe I should date someone who enjoys sports. Like… the kind with balls! + Show Spoiler +
The thing that I've realized throughout my dating life is that the simple interests (what she likes to do with her time) are not actually that important.
Sure, you need SOME things in common, but what is far more important is what kind of person they are, and what they like isn't actually who they are (necessarily). What you need to be looking for is a guy that you want to be with because of who he is instead of being with a guy because you just share interests. It sounds like you want to be with someone who is motivated and fairly hard working (I can't really gleam anything else from your blog). You could find all kinds of different people that are that - gamers, jocks, any other stereotype. The more important thing is to look for a guy based on who he is because the interests (games, books, nerdery, sports, whatever) can all change. You can introduce a guy to more games (and odds are he'll like that you're introducing them to him), but you can't introduce a guy to being hard working/motivated (most of the time).
As for meeting new people, just push yourself out there. Take opportunities to meet new people, even if you're a little shy or not comfortable doing it. You should also definitely look into not living with this guy - it seems incredibly awkward and it sounds like it makes your home life unpleasant. Furthermore, getting him out of your life will make it easier to move on and find new things.
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United States22883 Posts
On August 22 2011 20:35 Snugglebutt wrote:
Saying "stopping dating gamers" is like saying "ok I'm only going to date people that NEVER read books."
Well, gamers has a certain connotation of being a serious gamer, not just a casual. I think saying you date a musician is probably the same way- no one imagines you dating a cello player.
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On August 22 2011 20:35 Snugglebutt wrote:
Saying "stopping dating gamers" is like saying "ok I'm only going to date people that NEVER read books."
There are people that play games casually, people that play games often, and then there are people who identify themselves as "gamers" when asked what they do.
The third group mentioned is VERY different from the other two, and probably share many a trait that makes them unattractive to 99% of the fairer sex.
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl.
Can someone translate this?
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I've got a somewhat similar situation, being somewhat isolated in Central Ohio after graduating. I'm effectively stuck in Columbus, OH for a year, and the vast majority of friends, acquaintances, and potential girlfriends I've had over the past 4 years in central Ohio just seem like silly, alcoholic, directionless kids. As you already know, recent landlord issues have revealed how childish my roommates are, and my only choice is to "branch out" so to speak. Just know that central Ohio does have its share of gamers who are upwardly mobile, able to leave their room, and have actual aspirations, you just gotta find em :D
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On August 23 2011 00:07 Hassybaby wrote:Show nested quote +On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl. Can someone translate this?
From what i understand, he means:
"You (the OP) are an immature girl and need to grow up"
So basically he isn't contributing anything and just offending the OP.
I might be wrong though.
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First of all, date someone who has a job and takes it at least as seriously as you do. That is the biggest problem.
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Wow, what is up with Ohio? I remember Rekruls impressions of the place...
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Every guy is a gamer at heart even if he plays few games. So, locate the root of the problem..
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On August 23 2011 00:32 Morfildur wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2011 00:07 Hassybaby wrote:On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl. Can someone translate this? From what i understand, he means: "You (the OP) are an immature girl and need to grow up" So basically he isn't contributing anything and just offending the OP. I might be wrong though.
No, I think you're right. That comment doesn't really make sense though. "No longer a girl...?" What the hell lol.
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Okay I'm hesitant to give advice because I need more information to give an informed opinion.
1. How did you meet?
2. How long did you date beforehand?
3. How recently was the breakup?
4. Has the ex always acted this way?
5. What is the current living arrangement financially (is he letting you stay there for free, cheap rent, is the house his/his parents)?
Just from the current information you provided, it seems that your ex settled into an extreme comfort zone, and does not know how to, or need to find direction in his life (as earlier posts stated he is spoiled and spoon fed). Unless something drastic happens to him, he will not change (i.e. his parents cut him off/he wakes up one day and hes 35, balding, 150 pounds overweight, still terrible at LoL).
Going forward, to facilitate change in someone so immature takes an incredible amount of effort. Telling someone to change isn't going to do jack shit even with negative consequences. Think back to your teenage years where your parents would say they would ground you if you didn't do something, and you went "Fuck It, I don't care". However, don't think you failed on any level; it's almost impossible to change someone who doesn't want to change (refer to the comfort zone point).
I'm sorry that your experience with dating gamers has been poor thus far, but it shouldn't deter you. It's nice to have activities that you can participate together in. Like everyone said, stop dating jobless slackers who sleep in all day. I don't know how you meet these people, thus my first question, but fixing how you go about meeting new guys could solve some problems.
Maybe its just the area you are from or the network of friends you have, but most of the gamers I know have full-time jobs, careers, useful college degrees, and are overall great people to talk to/hang out with. There are different types of people in any group, so don't lump us all together.
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sad story. I was like that till 1) army and 2) my ex made me change t.t lol
Imo as somebody who has been like him in the past... I suggest you move on to be honest =/ Look for somewhere else to live and break up. very sad story. (or you can try to do what my ex did and literally just drag me everywhere for a few months =p worked out pretty well.) Mind you I was much younger than him... so it might not be as easy for you.
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On August 22 2011 15:41 Carnivorous Sheep wrote:
Dress up as a fed Irelia and scare him the hell away from the house.
Maybe a fed Akali..
with the nurse skin!
But seriously not all gamers are bums, contrary to popular belief.
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On August 23 2011 05:06 Porcelain wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2011 00:32 Morfildur wrote:On August 23 2011 00:07 Hassybaby wrote:On August 22 2011 22:23 underscore wrote:
You need someone in your life with a lot of characteristis flaws to make yourself feel better.
Ask yourself why. Acknowledge that you are responsible for yourself.
Growing up is hard but hopefully one day you will be a woman and not longer a girl. Can someone translate this? From what i understand, he means: "You (the OP) are an immature girl and need to grow up" So basically he isn't contributing anything and just offending the OP. I might be wrong though. No, I think you're right. That comment doesn't really make sense though. "No longer a girl...?" What the hell lol.
I'll take a swing at it
He means that "you keep looking for bad guys because you have low self esteem, and you should introspect to find out why you do this. You have to realize you need to take responsibility for yourself, including your mental health and who you get involved with in relationships. Maturing and changing is hard but as you get older you will realize the wrongs of your ways and become a mature woman, instead of an immature girl. You'll look back on it with some condescension and revel in the fact that you've grown up for the better."
How did that sound?
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dating gamers isn't your problem, dating losers is your problem.
not all gamers are like this guy, lol. some of us male gamers have successful day jobs too! just dodge people who let games completely consume them if you can't deal with it (which it sounds like you can't and frankly that's a good thing. I don't think you can have a healthy relationship where someone is completely consumed by a game even if they make their living from it, let alone a bum like this guy, lol).
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It sounds like your problems have absolutely nothing to do with him being a gamer(probably the millionth person to say this). Maybe get to know what a person is like better before you move in with them?
If you aren't that into the guy just move out.. you have a job, what are you afraid of?
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OMG boy blog!
That is all.
Also, how dare you call me and all other gamers a lazy bum! Rah rah must defend gamer pride.
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you're boyfriend's a loser.
get over it and move on.
Like, seriously, I could never imagine dating someone so useless. I pay my rent, cook my meals, take care of myself and pay bills. I also support my mother because times are rough and she can't work. I also have RRSPs, and travel. And I've been doing all of these things since i was 22 years old. I moved out of my 'rents place when I was 18.
This will probably come off as some sort of brag, but I really don't think I'm all that amazing. I've done well for myself, sure, but so has anyone else who is worth dating. I'm not great, I'm normal. People work hard for lives they desire, everyone else is just lazy.
edit - just for clarification, my comment was about working hard, not about monetary success. If you work had at what you do and poor your heart into your life, it does not matter whether you are a starving artist, work retail, or are a lawyer.
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Why are so many responses here just gamer guys being defensive?
I empathize with your experiences. My ex gf was a gamer too, was spoiled by her parents, didn't put in much effort to get a job, and just stayed home playing WoW and watching anime all day while I paid for the bills. I had to break up with her to get this point across - we had discussions for many months about needing to see changes - it just didn't happen.
I agree with others saying you do not need to be in a relationship just because you're out of one at the moment. Enjoy life, meet some new people once in a while, reconnect with ones you haven't talked with in a while too. Join in on some groups you're interested in. All the while, keep doing whatever it takes to keep you feeling good with your life - working out, learning new things, or whatever.
Good luck!
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On August 23 2011 08:13 EscPlan9 wrote:
Why are so many responses here just gamer guys being defensive?
I empathize with your experiences. My ex gf was a gamer too, was spoiled by her parents, didn't put in much effort to get a job, and just stayed home playing WoW and watching anime all day while I paid for the bills. I had to break up with her to get this point across - we had discussions for many months about needing to see changes - it just didn't happen.
I agree with others saying you do not need to be in a relationship just because you're out of one at the moment. Enjoy life, meet some new people once in a while, reconnect with ones you haven't talked with in a while too. Join in on some groups you're interested in. All the while, keep doing whatever it takes to keep you feeling good with your life - working out, learning new things, or whatever.
Good luck!
I know, I didn't mean to come across as if I wanted to jump into something new right away. It's just... I've felt single for a long time. It's difficult to explain.
On August 23 2011 08:09 Mora wrote:
you're boyfriend's a loser.
get over it and move on.
Like, seriously, I could never imagine dating someone so useless. I pay my rent, cook my meals, take care of myself and pay bills. I also support my mother because times are rough and she can't work. I also have RRSPs, and travel. And I've been doing all of these things since i was 22 years old. I moved out of my 'rents place when I was 18.
This will probably come off as some sort of brag, but I really don't think I'm all that amazing. I've done well for myself, sure, but so has anyone else who is worth dating. I'm not great, I'm normal. People work hard for lives they desire, everyone else is just lazy.
edit - just for clarification, my comment was about working hard, not about monetary success. If you work had at what you do and poor your heart into your life, it does not matter whether you are a starving artist, work retail, or are a lawyer.
I know, I'm trying. lol. It's interesting... Canadians have given me the best advice so far!
On August 23 2011 07:39 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:
OMG boy blog!
That is all.
Also, how dare you call me and all other gamers a lazy bum! Rah rah must defend gamer pride.
Oh dear lord, I'm so sick of this.
I'm not at all saying every guy who plays gamers/considers themselves a "gamer" is a bum/lazy/worthless.
Seriously..... Guys I've dated in the past (I know someone asked me this...) have just sort of fit this description. I've either met them through college, mutual friends, or through work. Mostly college.
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You should date qxc. Gamer + degree in best college ever + lives in chicago which aint that far.
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On August 23 2011 14:20 ReketSomething wrote:
You should date qxc. Gamer + degree in best college ever + lives in chicago which aint that far.
Well... now we all know qxc's teamliquid alt now don't we
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Find a more responsible gamer nerd
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On August 23 2011 14:29 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:Show nested quote +On August 23 2011 14:20 ReketSomething wrote:
You should date qxc. Gamer + degree in best college ever + lives in chicago which aint that far. Well... now we all know qxc's teamliquid alt now don't we
Psh, you're right, only 5-6 hours from here.
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On August 22 2011 15:40 SagaZ wrote:
"Maybe I should date someone who enjoys sports. Like… the kind with balls! "
Date salce, he is very good with oriana
It's a shame Jiji is taken, eh!
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On August 23 2011 08:13 EscPlan9 wrote:
Why are so many responses here just gamer guys being defensive?
On August 22 2011 15:35 Porcelain wrote:
I guess I should stop dating gamers. I feel like I’ve been in this situation before… My last three relationships all failed miserably due to different goals in life. They were all gamers. Sure, it’s a good time when you stay up late drinking wine and playing final fantasy… but when I go to work the next day and you get to sleep in (because you either have no job or barely work) … I get a tad bit jealous. Just sayin’.
^ it's just cause of this.
OP: I ate 3 rotten apples, now I don't ever want an apple again!
Defensive Apple: Hey! I'm an apple and not rotten, you shouldn't swear off us because you ate rotten ones!
Just seems the OP is misidentifying the issue, but maybe I just fixated on that particular part of the post too much. *shrug*
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I'm sure you'll find another place and roommate sooner or later.
As for future relationships, you now have higher standards (added: employed and without addiction).
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Move on with your life -- he is not worth it. =) Keep your chin up and everything will be alright!
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move to a bigger city once you finish your studies.
get a job that you like.
build your home.
THEN
start looking for something serious.
Works everytime.
/edit:
On a sidenote ... why do intelligent people study finance?
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On August 24 2011 14:20 jacen wrote:
move to a bigger city once you finish your studies.
get a job that you like.
build your home.
THEN
start looking for something serious.
Works everytime.
/edit:
On a sidenote ... why do intelligent people study finance?
Sometimes below average people choose to study finance as well, trust me.
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I think you just need to date sc2 players instead. Here are some reasons.
+ Show Spoiler +1. Economy management, They know shit costs money 2. Planning, They know how to plan builds/lives 3. Multitasking, Cooking takes multitasking. With their high APM they can cook dinner, do dishes and give you a massage at the same time! 4. Good with their hands, need I say more? 5. Sense of timing. If your observer is late, your lose. They will never be late to appointments. 6. Memory. Forgetting pylons is bad, so is forgetting birthdays! 7. Map knowledge. They know their way around Metalopolis, and probably their town as well! 8. Rare material knowledge. All sc2 players know, Gold>Silver 9. Ladder know how. Putting up Christmas lights has never been easier! 10. Chat ready! Chat channels are good for communication skills 11. Prospecting. Learned in various minerals. 12. Club Ready!. They know how to /dance! 13. methodical. Knowing when to do a slow push, can make all the difference. 14. Rushing, Need to get their ASAP? No Problem! 15. Scouting, You will never have to worry about what your neighbors are doing ever again! 16. Construction. Need an expansion on your house!? Done! 17. Harassment. They know how to deal with it. 18. Manners. glhf! 19. Hard Working. Not enough minerals, harvest more minerals. 20. Handsome! 'nuff said. + Show Spoiler +Hope these cheered you up some.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
This is definitely one of the reasons I don't get myself involved in relationships anymore. The drama just isn't worth it. (I guess I'm more like a guy in my attitudes towards relationships anyway. O.o;) I'm sure it'll work out for you in the end, just don't get too caught up in the whole thing. There are way more important things worth focusing on.
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On August 24 2011 15:23 Ulfsark wrote:I think you just need to date sc2 players instead. Here are some reasons. + Show Spoiler +1. Economy management, They know shit costs money 2. Planning, They know how to plan builds/lives 3. Multitasking, Cooking takes multitasking. With their high APM they can cook dinner, do dishes and give you a massage at the same time! 4. Good with their hands, need I say more? 5. Sense of timing. If your observer is late, your lose. They will never be late to appointments. 6. Memory. Forgetting pylons is bad, so is forgetting birthdays! 7. Map knowledge. They know their way around Metalopolis, and probably their town as well! 8. Rare material knowledge. All sc2 players know, Gold>Silver 9. Ladder know how. Putting up Christmas lights has never been easier! 10. Chat ready! Chat channels are good for communication skills 11. Prospecting. Learned in various minerals. 12. Club Ready!. They know how to /dance! 13. methodical. Knowing when to do a slow push, can make all the difference. 14. Rushing, Need to get their ASAP? No Problem! 15. Scouting, You will never have to worry about what your neighbors are doing ever again! 16. Construction. Need an expansion on your house!? Done! 17. Harassment. They know how to deal with it. 18. Manners. glhf! 19. Hard Working. Not enough minerals, harvest more minerals. 20. Handsome! 'nuff said. + Show Spoiler +Hope these cheered you up some.
Haha, I love this! Amazing. <3
On August 24 2011 16:04 NeverGG wrote:
This is definitely one of the reasons I don't get myself involved in relationships anymore. The drama just isn't worth it. (I guess I'm more like a guy in my attitudes towards relationships anyway. O.o;) I'm sure it'll work out for you in the end, just don't get too caught up in the whole thing. There are way more important things worth focusing on.
I'm working on having an attitude like yours. It isn't easy when it's something you're not used to. But... I'm done with drama. I no longer care.
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On August 24 2011 16:04 NeverGG wrote:
This is definitely one of the reasons I don't get myself involved in relationships anymore. The drama just isn't worth it. (I guess I'm more like a guy in my attitudes towards relationships anyway. O.o;) I'm sure it'll work out for you in the end, just don't get too caught up in the whole thing. There are way more important things worth focusing on.
I would say that this isn't a very good way to look at life.
An earlier poster had a great analogy. You're basically saying because you've eaten some rotten apples, you're just never going to touch any apple ever again. That's misidentifying the issue. You should still care and try, but if this is repeatedly happening, you're problem is that you're jumping into significant relationships before actually knowing the person. Drama is going to happen no matter what, in every part of life, and just saying you're going to completely avoid it is a very....high school-ish thing to say. You need to be able to identify those things that cause it unnecessarily, learn to avoid those, and just be able to deal with drama you can't avoid. Romantic relationships are incredibly important in life, and you can't just ditch them because you've have some bad experiences.
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I definitely don't believe romantic relationships are important in life. I have always done without them and will continue to do without them.
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On August 24 2011 22:57 Stratos_speAr wrote:Show nested quote +On August 24 2011 16:04 NeverGG wrote:
This is definitely one of the reasons I don't get myself involved in relationships anymore. The drama just isn't worth it. (I guess I'm more like a guy in my attitudes towards relationships anyway. O.o;) I'm sure it'll work out for you in the end, just don't get too caught up in the whole thing. There are way more important things worth focusing on. I would say that this isn't a very good way to look at life. An earlier poster had a great analogy. You're basically saying because you've eaten some rotten apples, you're just never going to touch any apple ever again. That's misidentifying the issue. You should still care and try, but if this is repeatedly happening, you're problem is that you're jumping into significant relationships before actually knowing the person. Drama is going to happen no matter what, in every part of life, and just saying you're going to completely avoid it is a very....high school-ish thing to say. You need to be able to identify those things that cause it unnecessarily, learn to avoid those, and just be able to deal with drama you can't avoid. Romantic relationships are incredibly important in life, and you can't just ditch them because you've have some bad experiences.
Going along with the apple analogy, if you ever try a computer with windows, and you get a virus, it doesn't mean that you should give up on windows and get an apple.
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I'm surprised Ilovekittens hasn't shown up to save the day.
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On August 24 2011 23:15 IskatuMesk wrote:
I definitely don't believe romantic relationships are important in life. I have always done without them and will continue to do without them.
oh the sad lonely people that have no idea what they're missing out on. GL in life to you and don't give up on gamers because it's important to find a person that shares your interests to some degree, it can take a little work to find the right person but imagine a bit of work for finding someone amazing you can spend the rest of your life with. Pretty worth it id say
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You shouldn't classify all gamers like this.
There are gamers who put their girlfriends before the game, even if they are Pro-Gamers. And/or there are gamers that try to get the girlfriend into the game, so that they can still remain close with them.
I'm really kinda disgusted that a player, who isn't a Pro-Gamer at his respective game, would do the things you've typed out (ignoring for days, "co-existing" so to say.) Not to say that it would be acceptable, even for a Pro-Gamer, but it would be more "understandable" (detestably, given the circumstances of your living together.)
I remember, back to a relationship I had, when I really didn't value the relationship, as much as I should have, there were periods where all I wanted to do was game. Looking back, I realize how stupid this was, and never could've imagined how they felt.
You owe it to yourself to give him an ultimatum, at the very least, it will give you guys a talk, and you can explain everything. If he still remains this way, well then it's telling you who he really is.
Note, even if he does "change", it could just be in light of the ultimatum/talk, and you'll still have to wait for him to slip back into old patterns (weeks, days, or even months after the talk).
If/once you moved out, even as a "test", it would force him to see how he really feels. But then again, you talk about how he is spoiled,etc and just always gets what he wants. So any "impulsive" emotion that comes out of you leaving or a big talk, could again, just be him trying to subconsciously get what he wants, until things "go back to normal" in his ideal world.
Just my two cents. Hope this helped ;;
edit - To all the people saying relationships aren't worth it. That's simply not true, and just because you choose to live your life the way you do, classifying every human to be just like the ones that hurt you, do not make it true. Being afraid to open up again is normal, but to go without it is very sad and unhealthy.You can't fall in love, if you never fall at all.
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there is nothing more sexist and annoying than when girls claim they are more like guys and dont want relationships and are better off blah blah lying to themselves. Dont give up on everything because previous shit didnt work out, what kind of trash mentality is that?
If you are going to stave off relationships at least have a legitimate reason like you need to focus on school or work or whatever things a bad or misunderstanding person would not understand or could not deal with.
There are plenty of healthy relationships from all levels of seriousness that also have fulltime school, work, and play. Its all about balance and communication.
A wise meme once told me, for a relationship to work a man needs 3 things: Time, Energy, and Money. If you lack one you must make up for it with the other 2. If you lack 2, then you better fucking have a shit ton of the remaining 1.
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sounds like hes always been this way and you've 100% known he was like this when u started dating
blame urself for not knowing what u want
typical female
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On August 24 2011 22:57 Stratos_speAr wrote:Show nested quote +On August 24 2011 16:04 NeverGG wrote:
This is definitely one of the reasons I don't get myself involved in relationships anymore. The drama just isn't worth it. (I guess I'm more like a guy in my attitudes towards relationships anyway. O.o;) I'm sure it'll work out for you in the end, just don't get too caught up in the whole thing. There are way more important things worth focusing on. I would say that this isn't a very good way to look at life. An earlier poster had a great analogy. You're basically saying because you've eaten some rotten apples, you're just never going to touch any apple ever again. That's misidentifying the issue. You should still care and try, but if this is repeatedly happening, you're problem is that you're jumping into significant relationships before actually knowing the person. Drama is going to happen no matter what, in every part of life, and just saying you're going to completely avoid it is a very....high school-ish thing to say. You need to be able to identify those things that cause it unnecessarily, learn to avoid those, and just be able to deal with drama you can't avoid. Romantic relationships are incredibly important in life, and you can't just ditch them because you've have some bad experiences.
I said *one* of the reasons. The others happen to have nothing whatsoever to do with romantic relationships, or even relationships themselves. They're personal issues that I am dealing with myself. Being in a relationship would only further complicate things. It's not highschool-ish not to want to be involved in a relationship at the moment. It's not as if they're compulsory.
Why are they so important? Why should I put energy into something I don't want? I function perfectly well without them, and have no desire to start any now, or in the near future. I don't get why people seem to think they're so essential.
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NeverGG
United Kingdom5399 Posts
On August 29 2011 04:14 SpoR wrote:
there is nothing more sexist and annoying than when girls claim they are more like guys and dont want relationships and are better off blah blah lying to themselves. Dont give up on everything because previous shit didnt work out, what kind of trash mentality is that?
If you are going to stave off relationships at least have a legitimate reason like you need to focus on school or work or whatever things a bad or misunderstanding person would not understand or could not deal with.
There are plenty of healthy relationships from all levels of seriousness that also have fulltime school, work, and play. Its all about balance and communication.
A wise meme once told me, for a relationship to work a man needs 3 things: Time, Energy, and Money. If you lack one you must make up for it with the other 2. If you lack 2, then you better fucking have a shit ton of the remaining 1.
If you're refering to me then why is it so inconcievable that a woman wouldn't want to be in a relationship? I am better off in many respects, and I feel grateful not to have the pressures I associate with being in a relationship bearing down upon me. It's not 'trash mentality' as you put it - it's just personal preference - and mine is to not get myself involved in relationships. Saying that I'm 'lying to myself' is like you trying to impose your views on how I should feel upon me.
Also, if you want 'legitimate' reasons here is a list of mine;
1) I like my space/free time.
2) Language barriers cut off most of the male population here.
3) I have severe body/confidence issues.
4) I don't have the time or energy for a relationship due to work.
5) I'm focusing on my diet/health right now.
To put it simply; relationships are not compulsory, and not all women are the same.
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On August 29 2011 00:52 Shamrock_ wrote:
I'm surprised Ilovekittens hasn't shown up to save the day.
ILOVEKITTENS got banned.
He is more commonly known as fantacist.
The only advice I give is, don't date people that are overly obsessive, not dating a "gamer" is going to do you no good if you start dating a guy that only ever watches/plays sporting events.
You call it a relationship, but there seems to be that there was very little relationship going on, more like 2 people co-habiting.
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On August 29 2011 07:40 NeverGG wrote:Show nested quote +On August 29 2011 04:14 SpoR wrote:
there is nothing more sexist and annoying than when girls claim they are more like guys and dont want relationships and are better off blah blah lying to themselves. Dont give up on everything because previous shit didnt work out, what kind of trash mentality is that?
If you are going to stave off relationships at least have a legitimate reason like you need to focus on school or work or whatever things a bad or misunderstanding person would not understand or could not deal with.
There are plenty of healthy relationships from all levels of seriousness that also have fulltime school, work, and play. Its all about balance and communication.
A wise meme once told me, for a relationship to work a man needs 3 things: Time, Energy, and Money. If you lack one you must make up for it with the other 2. If you lack 2, then you better fucking have a shit ton of the remaining 1. If you're refering to me then why is it so inconcievable that a woman wouldn't want to be in a relationship? I am better off in many respects, and I feel grateful not to have the pressures I associate with being in a relationship bearing down upon me. It's not 'trash mentality' as you put it - it's just personal preference - and mine is to not get myself involved in relationships. Saying that I'm 'lying to myself' is like you trying to impose your views on how I should feel upon me. Also, if you want 'legitimate' reasons here is a list of mine; 1) I like my space/free time. 2) Language barriers cut off most of the male population here. 3) I have severe body/confidence issues. 4) I don't have the time or energy for a relationship due to work. 5) I'm focusing on my diet/health right now. To put it simply; relationships are not compulsory, and not all women are the same.
I wasn't referring to you specifically. I hear it all the time from girls, all the time, and it's just bullshit.
For starters girls trying to claim self toughness by relating themselves to guys who just avoid relationships and do as they please (sex with many partners or not) is self deprecating and sexist against the fact that not all men do this.
Also it just so happens that most of the time I hear this its from a girl who consistently has bad relationships, or just broke up with someone, or just can't seem to get over the fact that they feel incomplete and can't find a better half.
I'm not trying to attack you, I'm just annoyed when girls use those lines like it's some kind of accomplishment.
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EPT
