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So I'm having girl problems. So I'm turning to Team Liquid for some advice.
There's this girl at work that seems really cool. We work well together laugh and have a good time. Last Saturday we closed together so I though here's my chance and I asked if she would like to go grab a bite to eat. She said yes and since it was 7 on Saturday evening we just went somewhere quick. We had a good time lots of laughs good conversation etc.
Monday I told her I had a really good time Saturday and she seemed a bit shocked by that, I have no tact and blindside people at times, but she said she had a good time as well. I told her we should do that again sometime and she said sure but she said she didn't know when we could. I told her I'm sure we could find the time sometime. That was the end of the conversation.
My question is should I lay back and let her make the next more or should I make the next move?
Don't bother asking how old I am because then its just sad that I'm asking a question like this on Team Liquid.
Update for anyone that is interested.
We talked and she said that she was interested in me too but didn't want to start a relationship with someone she worked with. I don't know if that's the truth or if she's just being nice but that's how it went down.
  
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+ Show Spoiler +
I really hope I don't get modded for this because I think it's appropriate and pretty accurate.
tl;dw guy's standards of flirting and being interested are MUCH lower than girls'
Though I'm sure you thought she really really interested, for her it was probably nothing more than just going to get food. Not that I'm saying that you don't have a chance, but you just misjudged her level of interest. I think you basically have two options:
1. Go for it and just ask her out even though you two apparently don't know each other well
2. Take things slowly and get to actually be friends
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Blazinghand
United States25557 Posts
You should make the next move! Maybe, um, well it's hard to say, but it sounds like she had a good time. I mean, by shocked was it like "Eww!" or like "oh, I didn't know that, I am pleasantly surprised!"
Either way, you should give things another try, but like, wait 2 days first so you don't seem clingy-- it sounds like you might come on strong, but you should show interest in her, or else, well, how is she going to know you're interested in her?
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On August 03 2011 08:07 Blazinghand wrote:
You should make the next move! Maybe, um, well it's hard to say, but it sounds like she had a good time. I mean, by shocked was it like "Eww!" or like "oh, I didn't know that, I am pleasantly surprised!"
Either way, you should give things another try, but like, wait 2 days first so you don't seem clingy-- it sounds like you might come on strong, but you should show interest in her, or else, well, how is she going to know you're interested in her?
Umm... what in the world was the shocked part referring too? o.O
Also, make your own judgements and learn from your own experiences. Or read the Sex guide in General, that works too ^_^
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You're friendzoned dude, but you still have a few outs:
1. get her drunk somehow then bang her
2. start being a complete maniac crazy guy around her, tell her about some weird fetishes you have or something like that
3. go for her friends, you could possibly get some 3sum action going
4. FIND ANOTHER GIRL <- best option
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Blazinghand
United States25557 Posts
On August 03 2011 08:23 3FFA wrote:Show nested quote +On August 03 2011 08:07 Blazinghand wrote:
You should make the next move! Maybe, um, well it's hard to say, but it sounds like she had a good time. I mean, by shocked was it like "Eww!" or like "oh, I didn't know that, I am pleasantly surprised!"
Either way, you should give things another try, but like, wait 2 days first so you don't seem clingy-- it sounds like you might come on strong, but you should show interest in her, or else, well, how is she going to know you're interested in her? Umm... what in the world was the shocked part referring too? o.O Also, make your own judgements and learn from your own experiences. Or read the Sex guide in General, that works too ^_^
Ah, I'm referring to:
On August 03 2011 08:04 Sorook wrote:
Monday I told her I had a really good time Saturday and she seemed a bit shocked by that, I have no tact and blindside people at times, but she said she had a good time as well. I told her we should do that again sometime and she said sure but she said she didn't know when we could. I told her I'm sure we could find the time sometime. That was the end of the conversation.
Emphasis mine.
It's hard to tell from this passage what really went on in this conversation, since I don't have a lot of details, and it seems that Sorook doesn't really know either  which is why I sort of recommended he just go for it and see what happens.
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Ok to clarify the shocked part it didn't really seem like an ew shocked but more of an oh I didn't know you felt that way kind of shocked. So I think I'll give her a few days to mull it over and approach the subject of going out again later.
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Blazinghand
United States25557 Posts
Cool! good luck, dude, and let us know what happens! 
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She doesn't know when you could go grab a bite to eat together again after you two get work? Unless it's a very rare occurrence for you two to be working together and getting off or closing together...
Surprise: omg whoops I totally misread his intentions... I thought it was just food but apparently he likes me... fuckkkkkk this sucks.
"Idk when we can do it again": I like you as a person and I feel really bad saying NO WE CAN'T CAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO LIKE ME. I don't want to encourage anything at all that would lead you to pursue your feelings for me, so I will just sidestep the invitations as best I can til you give up.
^^^ probably the unfortunate meaning of it all.
Of course you could have just communicated what happened poorly to us. At any rate, you can always try and see. Better to have tried and failed than not try at all.
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WTH at the people yelling F-ZONE, you only went on a dinner date and only once at that.
Let's review the situation:
- Asked her out. Good, taking the lead/initiative.
- She said yes. Good, she at least thinks you're worth her time.
- Had a good time. Good. (redundant now?)
- Told her you had a good time. NO. In my book, the girl texts me or calls me that night (or the next day if the date was late night) that she had a good time. By telling her this first, you're now being slightly overly interested.
I'm not a grandmaster like ILOVEKITTENS or HIS MASTER, but let me tell you this: it's her turn now. You're going to resume life and work as it was before, so will she. However, she now knows you have some level of interest in her. There's no way she's going to forget this because you're going to be seeing each other at work. So try to be as neutral as possible (don't ignore her on purpose or anything) and do as the usual.
You can also take a stab at playing the jealousy game - have a girl friend (or just girlfriend, haha) visit you at work and be excited and happy about it openly. I'm not 100% on this, I'm speaking from applied theory kind of view (I never dated anyone from my workplace) but sometimes the jealousy game works.
In summary: let her make her move!
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United States7488 Posts
Don't wait for her to make the next move. That is rarely the correct option, as she is likely to currently never make a next move. In fact, don't even think about in terms as to who should make the next move.
Just be confident and fun. Don't ever say anything that suggests a relationship or your interest in one. Instead do things. Not only do actions speak louder than word (very cliche, but true), but not outright saying you are interested and similar things leaves some mystery and fun. Girls like that. You probably do too, though might not realize it.
Just go and be two people hanging and having fun. That's it. Don't worry about forming some kind of intimate relationship. If you ever find yourself thinking whether you should take a move, stop thinking and just do it right then. The more you think about it, the less likely you'll make the move and then you'll be awkward when you do.
Suggest going out and doing something fun. Maybe just you two, maybe with others, and most likely something you were going to do anyway. If she says no, don't get sad or look rejected. Casually say that she's missing out or something similar, assume she won't change her mind, and then turn and walk away. Then go do whatever it was you suggested anyway without her. If it ever comes up in the future and she knows you went and did whatever anyway and still had fun she'll be intrigued and is more likely to join you in the future. She'll see it as it wasn't your plan to go out with her, but that you are just inviting her along (which is how it should be anyway). After all, that's how she went out to eat with you in the first place.
good luck in this and future endeavors.
edit:
On August 03 2011 09:04 OpticalShot wrote:
- Told her you had a good time. NO. In my book, the girl texts me or calls me that night (or the next day if the date was late night) that she had a good time. By telling her this first, you're now being slightly overly interested.
This is entirely correct.
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She is either:
a) Not interested in you.
b) Interested in you, but has enough social awkwardness that she's no idea what to do next.
I think you're gonna be dissapointed either way, but if you don't mind the hit to your pride, sure, ask her again.
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semioldguy's got it down. Listen to him.
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On August 03 2011 09:11 Probe1 wrote:
semioldguy's got it down. Listen to him.
I second this.
I think since you work with this person you'll obviously see them more; why don't you just casually bring it up in conversation? Say you had a good time and that you'd love to do it again sometime. Then from her response you'll have a good idea of whether or not she's interested. Besides, since you'll be seeing her at work no matter what, you won't seem clingy by calling her or bringing it up prematurely.
Hope that helps!
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How old are you?
derp :D just go for it, ask her. See if things take off when you two go out again.
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On August 03 2011 10:23 GigaFlop wrote:
How old are you?
derp :D just go for it, ask her. See if things take off when you two go out again.
We can use small font now? This is awesome!!!!
Edit: [large]Does large work[/large] now
Big?
Wow, my life has been signifigantly improved. As for on topic advice, you should tell her how cool it is to be able to vary the size of your font as another way of making conversation
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Imo, telling her you had a good time is too cliched and puts your intentions out too early. I would've just casually asked her for dinner again. Then, for the 3rd time, find a good activity (like a show, etc) that's coming to your area and suggest that you both go to it.
From your description, if she did like you, she would've asked "when" rather than say "I'm not sure when". However, it's still not too late to go for it.
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:D
@ OP. Henshin a gogo baby!
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even smaller?
Everything that I wanted to say was said better by semioldguy.
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United States7488 Posts
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finish what you started, you can listen a "yes" or a "no" and thats all
dont follow a flow chart, just avoid silly mistakes like being a "glue boy", you're the man, you're interested in a relationship with her, do what you've born to do
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Girls LOVE the opportunity to flake out. Don't give it to them.
If a girl starts giving you excuses you boldly plan something with her anyways. Don't give her the opportunity to flake out. The other week a girl I've been hanging out with was like "oh, I guess you could meet me and my friends at the bar or we'll do something another time." I could have let it slide, but I said "great, I'll meet you there" and proceeded to have a good night with her.
Call women out on their bullshit. If you feel you're getting the cold shoulder make it known, act to remedy it, and if they're still hesitant - they very simply are not interested, so stop calling them. A girl who won't give you her time is not worth your time.
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EPT
