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DanCeWithDevil
United States87 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:39 RedJustice wrote: This happened 2 years ago. This is just as pointless as the other story you had. But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation... | ||
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ILOVEKITTENS
Korea (South)112 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life. So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on. So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door. I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal. They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened? This is a moral issue. Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no. EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you. On July 25 2011 07:41 DanCeWithDevil wrote: But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation... If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however. | ||
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Zidane
United States1686 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:41 DanCeWithDevil wrote: But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation... No she's right, this is pretty pointless. | ||
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HaXXspetten
Sweden15718 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:32 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Alright, here's something that's an actual question and not a mere story about a confused hooker wandering through life. So 2 years ago I had a roommate and he was madly in love with his GF and so was she. She came over all the time and they had like ritualistic fights. 2-5 times a week there'd be some big fight in his room involving her doing all the screaming and crying and I never really heard much from him but he was surely saying things. He'd often storm out and go drinking and leave her at home and come home and then they'd have sex and be all happy again. Sometimes he'd just stay home but the end result was always the same. Fight --> Fuck --> Happy. It's a very strange relationship and they both are really cool people but they got some weird shit going on. So I'm minding my own business playing some 4v4 BGH and the screaming begins again. Whatevs just another day in their life. He storms out of the house this time. About 1 hour later she comes into the doorway of my computer room and is just standing there and says "This is the last time we will ever see eachother." I'm like "Uh ok." and continue spawning hydralisks. She still is standing there in the doorway and she says it again "I'm serious this is the last time we will see eachother." I look at her like 'WTF' and say "OK." She backs out of the doorway back to his room. I go out to get a drink and see shes cracked open a bottle of wine and is over 3/4ths done with it. 30 mins later she comes back in the computer room and comes behind me and starts massaging my shoulders and is almost reaching down to my pecs with her hands and says again "seriously this is the last time we will have a chance to see eachother..." She's obviously drunk but not blackout drunk but I don't think she's ever touched me in her life before this. I grab her hands kinda throw them off of me and tell her "OK we will never see eachother again thats fine you are drunk please go away." She goes back into the room and shuts the door. I go to bed a bit later but the next day my roommate is back and they wake up after me and they obviously completed the ritual again...everything was back to happy normal. They are blatantly in love but are both a little crazy. Do I tell him what happened? If they are as crazy as you make it seem, then would he really be that surprised if she got even crazier while she was drunk? | ||
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RedJustice
United States1004 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:41 DanCeWithDevil wrote: But should I have told him? Not that you could give me the answer because you're obviously a girl or pretending to be one based on your replies in this thread. I'd like a guy who's well aware of the man code to answer this...it's a pretty touchy situation... I am a girl, and I don't see why that happens to make me incapable of answering... It's not a touchy situation unless you're a drama queen. Don't bother unless you dislike the woman particularly, or if your friend is the kind of person who would (honestly) want to know something like that. | ||
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DanCeWithDevil
United States87 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:42 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: This is a moral issue. Do you feel that what she did is wrong enough to warrant their relationship to end? If yes, tell him. If not, then no. EDIT: This happened 2 years ago? And they are still going out? Or are you asking whether or not you should have told him? Now that it's 2 years ago, I doubt that it would matter or that he would believe you. If you are going by bro code, then yes you should have told him. If he is a true bro, he will take your word over hers. I believe in living by your own sense of morality, however. Yeah. I ended up not telling him until he caught her cheating on him (LOL). I really really regretted it and never will make that mistake again. But I've seen so many cheaters, liars, etc. in relationships that it's almost half-normal and expected to me now... And to those saying it's pointless. Sure, it's after the fact and it is pointless to me, but it's still a situation worthy of discussion and perhaps someone that reads an expert like ILOVEKITTENS's reply to it, they might be better prepared for a similar situation in the future. It's a blog in a forum, it's all pointless. I'd be surprised if even 10% of the nerds who ask the silly girl advice questions they do are able to comprehend and properly apply the advice that is given anyways. | ||
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ILOVEKITTENS
Korea (South)112 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:47 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Yeah. I ended up not telling him until he caught her cheating on him (LOL). I really really regretted it and never will make that mistake again. But I've seen so many cheaters, liars, etc. in relationships that it's almost half-normal and expected to me now... And to those saying it's pointless. Sure, it's after the fact and it is pointless to me, but it's still a situation worthy of discussion and perhaps someone that reads an expert like ILOVEKITTENS's reply to it, they might be better prepared for a similar situation in the future. It's a blog in a forum, it's all pointless. I'd be surprised if even 10% of the nerds who ask the silly girl advice questions they do are able to comprehend and properly apply the advice that is given anyways. The 10% is the reason that it is worth it and not pointless ^^; | ||
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DanCeWithDevil
United States87 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:49 ILOVEKITTENS wrote: The 10% is the reason that it is worth it and not pointless ^^; Fair enough. | ||
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DanCeWithDevil
United States87 Posts
On July 25 2011 07:03 Frozenhelfire wrote: I'm pretty uninteresting. I consider myself above average intelligence here in the United States, and all I do is basically spend time on the computer or at school. What is some activity to either do or get good at so I have something interesting to go into conversations with the general woman* would find interesting? I'm pretty awkward so the "go out and have a good time!" wouldn't be good advice for me. I also just moved, so I don't really have friends here. *I say this not because I want a general woman as a girlfriend. I would prefer one with similar interests, but I think I would be hard pressed to get involved enough in a conversation without some other things to talk about first. Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all. The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most. | ||
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ILOVEKITTENS
Korea (South)112 Posts
On July 25 2011 08:06 DanCeWithDevil wrote: Doing an activity in itself isn't going to change your situation (though it will give you opportunities). Women simply want a well rounded individual who is confident in everything they do, even if they don't do much at all. The fact that you don't have much to talk about yourself is almost a blessing in disguise. No man ever gets a girl by talking about himself much (or at all). Try and think of questions you could ask a random girl to learn a little about her and get her to open up. All girls will open up verbally if you ask the right questions unless they are repulsed by you in the first place. It takes time and practice to learn on how to keep the conversation going. Wit with women is a natural talent for some, but it's a learned art for most. To add to this, I want to say that it's sometimes dangerous to ask too many questions. People love to talk about themselves but they don't like being interrogated. Plus, it will make the conversation very one-sided and you should always strive for a more balanced exchange. | ||
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Bereft
United States1007 Posts
So last weekend, I thought I was just going to be hanging out with ILK at this nice lounge where my friend had bought a bottle of Goose. But when ILK finally arrived, turns out he brought a friend! Usually, I would be deeply disappointed to not get 1 on 1 time with ILK (as who could not enjoy bathing in the presence of the girl blog master himself?), but when he finally introduced his friend, it was impossible for me to be disappointed. Because standing in front of me was the most beautiful Korean boy I had ever seen. But to my dismay, as he says to ILK, "ILOVEKITTENS! I didn't expect to see you here, what's up?" I notice that he already has two skinny bitches on his arm. We engage in conversation; to me, he is the most perfect male specimen I have ever seen, and not only that: we have the common interest of Starcraft to boot! It seems to me that this boy is a player, but I can't help being attracted to him. What should I do? | ||
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ILOVEKITTENS
Korea (South)112 Posts
On July 25 2011 08:27 Bereft wrote: Okay. So last weekend, I thought I was just going to be hanging out with ILK at this nice lounge where my friend had bought a bottle of Goose. But when ILK finally arrived, turns out he brought a friend! Usually, I would be deeply disappointed to not get 1 on 1 time with ILK (as who could not enjoy bathing in the presence of the girl blog master himself?), but when he finally introduced his friend, it was impossible for me to be disappointed. Because standing in front of me was the most beautiful Korean boy I had ever seen. But to my dismay, as he says to ILK, "ILOVEKITTENS! I didn't expect to see you here, what's up?" I notice that he already has two skinny bitches on his arm. We engage in conversation; to me, he is the most perfect male specimen I have ever seen, and not only that: we have the common interest of Starcraft to boot! It seems to me that this boy is a player, but I can't help being attracted to him. What should I do? I heard roofies are really strong nowadays, I think that with a player of that caliber they are your only option. | ||
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Probe1
United States17920 Posts
So, how does one avoid love tinted glasses. | ||
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ILOVEKITTENS
Korea (South)112 Posts
On July 25 2011 08:59 Probe1 wrote: How can I be more objective in relationships? My last ex stole my bloody motorcycle before I realized how crazy she was. I should have seen it coming. Having a romantic state of mind has always come easier to me than my friends but this has taught me a lesson in missing the bigger picture. So, how does one avoid love tinted glasses. When something seems even the slightest bit off to you in terms of equality in the relationship or excessive allowance for inappropriate behavior, you imagine how you would react if your mother, sister, or friend were in your girlfriend's position. Would you tolerate it? How would it make you feel? How would you react? That is closer to your true sense of right than the skewed perspective that we tend to adopt when we are enamored with another. Another option is to think about it this way: what if your best friend came to you, told you about what his (your) girlfriend did, and asked you if you think it was acceptable. Dissociate yourself from your attachment to her as entirely as possible for the sake of clear thought. Ignore your history, feelings for her, or any excuses she gives and view the action as being more defining of who you are dating than what your feelings are for each other or what you say to each other. "Actions speak louder than words." To elaborate on this, only unstable/immature people take advantage of/hurt people they truly love. The more likely explanation is that the person either isn't in love, or merely thinks they are in love. It happens to all of us somehow. Separate the mind from the heart to be a more objective person. | ||
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CecilSunkure
United States2829 Posts
When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end. I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten. The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however). Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions. | ||
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ILOVEKITTENS
Korea (South)112 Posts
On July 25 2011 09:30 CecilSunkure wrote: I have been dating a girl for a year now. As time passes on she becomes more and more irritable, getting very angry and upset over things that she can choose to let pass. I've tried talking with her about how she treats me when anything goes wrong, whether it's related to the relationship or not, but she just doesn't change anything. When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end. I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten. The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however). Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions. This is a classic abusive relationship. From what I can see, it is a very one-way affair. What I mean by this is she reaps the benefits of having an aegis to fall back on, whereas you get all the problems and pain for no reward. In any imbalanced relationship in which the offended party tried to resolve the issue but failed, the next logical choice is separation. I think this is the only solution for you right now. If I were in your position, I would begin to doubt whether she loved you, and whether she was sane, because she is displaying qualities that go against both states. What you could try to do is write her a letter in which you explain to her all the reasons why you think that this relationship is unhealthy for you. As you are writing it will be easier to make a full list without any emotional interruptions. She will also not be able to interrupt you or ignore you in a letter. End the letter saying that if things don't change, you can't go on this way, and that you will have to break up. If she can't handle it, then the relationship is over, as it should be in that case. If she can, then you get the right to police her and tell her when she is reverting back to her ways. No matter the outcome, remember that the likelihood is insanely high that there is someone better for you out there. Best of luck, stand up for yourself, FIGHTING! | ||
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YouGotNothin
United States907 Posts
On July 25 2011 09:30 CecilSunkure wrote: I have been dating a girl for a year now. As time passes on she becomes more and more irritable, getting very angry and upset over things that she can choose to let pass. I've tried talking with her about how she treats me when anything goes wrong, whether it's related to the relationship or not, but she just doesn't change anything. When something gets her upset or angry, no matter what it is, she ends up taking it out on me. Most of the time it's something that I couldn't control in any way, or foresee. Most of these incidents she really can just let pass, but instead chooses to become upset over it sometimes for days on end. I try talking with her, try to work through the problem with her, I try changing things I do to make an impact; nothing is making a difference. She keeps ending up hurting me day after day, often times ruining an entire day over an incident that can either easily be solved or forgotten. The worst thing is that whenever she's in an angry or upset state, she completely misses everything I try to do to make sure she feels cared and loved for. Then she ends up feeling like I ignore and don't care about her because I don't show it (I tell her all the time however). Is there any advice that can be given? Feel free to ask more questions. I was in a relationship very similar to this in high school. The girl I was dating would get mad about the smallest things almost every day. IMO I think this is something immature people do in relationships to feel like they have control over someone. It sucks because you work really hard to make her feel better but it never really seems to work for long, right? I would suggest giving her the silent treatment if she keeps complaining and not listening to your appeals. Just act like you don't care about her being upset. Once she isn't getting your attention she will freak out, but you need to hold your ground until she realizes she is being ridiculous. If she can't be more mature about things, this relationship will just be a lot of stress and pain for you. | ||
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YouGotNothin
United States907 Posts
About four weeks ago a girl I was dating for about a month abruptly broke up with me. She stated that she just found out an ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for was moving to where we live. She thought he was moving somewhere else before this and thus thought it would be safe to start dating me. I at first told her I understood and wasn't mad at her because she seemed very upset about the pretty shitty thing she did to me. I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this. Should I be angry at her for starting a relationship with me with so much emotional baggage in tow? Or should I try and be just friends with her? And lastly if things don't work out with her ex (she hinted this may happen) should I take her back? She seemed like a really cool girl, but I don't know if I could forgive her for this. | ||
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Logginurkeyz
United States375 Posts
+ Show Spoiler [TL;DR version] + ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl? So yesterday was my mother's party for her 50th birthday. She got all kinds of neat shit, including a bag full of 50 of everything (super cool gift, imo)! She has been dating this guy for a while, and he has a quite attractive daughter my age. This is where the moral dilemma begins, but develops further... My mother pulled me aside before the party had even started and told me, 'please don't fight with [her] today.' Historically, this girl and I are water and oil- we have our moments, but we don't mix... The entire day I had my tryhard on, trying not to upset her in any way- which became easier as the day wore on. She had a particularly strong perfume on, and her hair looked really nice and really framed her face well. We chatted a bit about work- what the two of us do; how she is also in the automotive industry (I am a parts fabricator, she is a warranty admin); and what our commutes are like in the morning... Overall, a pleasant exchange. We go inside to the A/C and drink in the kitchen for a bit- all the while she is throwing absurd body language at me and tapping her feet against my leg on the ottoman between us. She goes down the hall, and my buddy comes into the kitchen, shaking his head. He imposes, "God damn, [my name]- just fuckin kiss her already... I see your eyes, you're in love with her." 'Historically, we haven't gotten along at all, dude. I'm just tryin to be pleasant.' "Bullshit, you're such a bad liar." 'So I'm the book, now, eh? Tell me narrator, what do you read of her?' "She is trying too hard to act uninterested. Man the fuck up!" Then she gets a phone call. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part... I overhear some of what she says, as we are sitting right next to each other- she is trying to give directions to the house. I ask her where the person is coming from, and I give directions which are relayed to the person on the phone. She hangs up and says, '[he] says he will probably be here in an hour.' I respond, "that your boyfriend?" 'Well, ummm...' 'I see...' This confused the shit out of me for a while, until I had observed their behavior together. When he arrived, she gave him one of those awkward half-hugs with one arm as she looked away from him towards the people at the party. This body language tells me she isn't exactly comfortable with him yet, or just something else which is way over my head. Move forward 2 hours or so- we (us young people) are all sitting around our own little circular table, drinking, playin cards. At this time, we are sitting in the following order around the table (apologies for this confusing diagram) :: [her] [her friend][me][my buddy]; so my buddy and her friend are on either side of her. I get up to get a beer, and they play musical chairs on me- at which point she has taken my seat... New order: [her friend] [her] [me] [my buddy]. So she moved such that she was sitting between her friend and me, rather than across the table from me. After a time, we move this party to inside where there is A/C. So here we sit, at the kitchen table (rectangular): [my buddy] [her] / [me] / [her friend] [her father] / [my mother] We are just drinking, having an unimportant conversation, and eventually decide to play Asshole (the card game). That game goes on until her friend decides to leave- then the rest of us chill in the A/C and drink some more. Her body language around her friend appears as though he is just a good friend she brought over to deter any kind of advances, but he is no longer at the party. I go outside to bask in the cool summer air and have a cigarette in my solitude. Door opens, she walks out, so much for cigarette by myself (she doesn't smoke, and it rather annoys her when it blows in her general direction- I apologized for my smoke blowing at her several times throughout the day). We sit at a table in the backyard, chat for a bit, then start wandering around the yard. Enter confusing / moral dilemma part 3: She takes my hand while we are walking around the yard, I slowly spin her as if we were dancing and yadda yadda yadda... We dance to absolutely no music for 10 minutes, at which point we end up making out in the backyard. Could have been a product of her drinking girly drinks all night, or maybe I finally managed to get her to warm up to me- either way, I was fuckin rollin with it! After this, we return to the frozen realm of the indoors where the A/C is set to like 65degF. People are leaving, I have to give my buddy a ride home, and she is gettin ready to leave as well... I walk her out to her car while my buddy and my brother are lallygagging (apparently, that's how you spell that word...) in the kitchen. I give her a hug and a confusingly passionate good-night kiss (I pretty much leaned on her into the car)... My buddy walks outside with his daughter and car-seat and ruins the moment by coming up to me and slappin me on the shoulder, "yeah, [my name]! bout damn time!" We all laugh, she smiles shyly and gets in her car and drives off... I let my buddy drive my vehicle to his place, then I drive home. As I walk into the house, I am greeted by my sister and her boyfriend informing me that I smell rather girly... Oh shit! I smell like her perfume! I chalk it up to bein with her all day, and try to dismiss it as nothing. Fast forward to this morning- my sister asks if my shirt still smells like [her] perfume. I didn't notice it while walking through my room, so I just said it didn't. I received no regretful text messages from her- only one that was asking me if she left something at my mother's house (I wasn't there to look, so I just told her to ask my mom). Apparently, she had left her camera there. What is it with women and losing cameras? I bought my mother a really nice camera for her birthday (with the 2 year black-tie full replacement warranty), because I expect these things to happen... ANYWAYS- point I'm gettin at here is, is it morally reprehensible to pursue my mother's boyfriend's daughter as a love interest? If they do end up married, she would be my step-sister and that would just seem really weird to me. On the other hand, I am clearly across the threshold for further pursuit if I so choose. Do I go for a relationship, or a friends-with-benefits kinda thing? Do you think that would be a terrible thing to do a girl? | ||
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CecilSunkure
United States2829 Posts
On July 25 2011 09:54 YouGotNothin wrote: I did not think it would take long to get over her, but for some reason I have just been very angry at what she did to me. We have hung out in a totally platonic way a couple times since the break up because she still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can keep doing this. If I may... It sounds to me like the girl doesn't exactly know what she wants, and as such hasn't given you a solid answer as to whether or not you can be together. From experiences of both mine and my elders, it's best to just let go of people that do this. Ask yourself: do you really want to be with a girl that abruptly leaves you, and then leaves you wondering if you still have a shot? To me it sounds like your time can be better spent with less pining over her in your days. And thanks for the advice ILK and YouGotNothing. | ||
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