On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
I'm pretty much over my ex and I do like having a girlfriend, so I don't think it's a bad thing for me to ask other girls out, really. Also, I thought it was kind of an unspoken rule that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it's because he's interested in her... I didn't even call it a date though. Just asked if she wanted to get coffee, which is about as relaxed and friendly as it gets IMO. I realize now maybe I should've waited longer to ask her to meet up, but she seemed really interested, so I thought she'd say yeah.
I had coffee with a girl and we hit off pretty nicely and decided to meet again a few days later. She flakes on the second date and I decide to give her some space for a week before asking her again. She responds positively and agrees to a date again, only flake with no messages or anything.
At this point I'm kinda disappointed and focusing on just forgetting about her. One week later she sends me a message where she says she's sorry and wants to meet again tomorrow. The reason she gave for not answering was that her phone was broke (pretty much 99% chance of bullshit) I couldn't make it then and told her I might be able to meet her the following week. What am I supposed to make of this?
She hasn't answered me after I told her that, though at this point I don't really give a fuck. If she answers, I'm fine with it and will give it another shot, if she doesn't - next.
On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
I'm pretty much over my ex and I do like having a girlfriend, so I don't think it's a bad thing for me to ask other girls out, really. Also, I thought it was kind of an unspoken rule that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it's because he's interested in her... I didn't even call it a date though. Just asked if she wanted to get coffee, which is about as relaxed and friendly as it gets IMO. I realize now maybe I should've waited longer to ask her to meet up, but she seemed really interested, so I thought she'd say yeah.
I just got a coffee date recently with just a 'hi you're cute and i have to meet you' <insert getting to know you convo> got a phone number in <5 minutes and texted her few hours later setting up a date. If she wants to see you, she'll go for it anyway.
As for unspoken rule about numbers implying interest... Not exactly sure about that. Recently i got a girl's number but i never flirted with her at all. Although we're meeting up sometime, I'm thinking she just expects it to be friendly. Thankfully i'm not that interested in her. Apparently she has a boyfriend as well so perhaps I was just engaging to talk to at the dinner.
On May 12 2012 16:59 Sotamursu wrote: I had coffee with a girl and we hit off pretty nicely and decided to meet again a few days later. She flakes on the second date and I decide to give her some space for a week before asking her again. She responds positively and agrees to a date again, only flake with no messages or anything.
At this point I'm kinda disappointed and focusing on just forgetting about her. One week later she sends me a message where she says she's sorry and wants to meet again tomorrow. The reason she gave for not answering was that her phone was broke (pretty much 99% chance of bullshit) I couldn't make it then and told her I might be able to meet her the following week. What am I supposed to make of this?
Maybe her reasons are legitimate? Though normally i'd be the one to agree with you and take the cynical route, just accept it right now for what it is. The next time you two want to do something, make it easier on you. Date is closer to your place or she picks you up.
She hasn't answered me after I told her that, though at this point I don't really give a fuck. If she answers, I'm fine with it and will give it another shot, if she doesn't - next.
On May 12 2012 13:41 iamahydralisk wrote: Hey all. I figured it's update time.
I posted a different blog about it when it happened, but concert girl and I broke up. I got broken up with, if you want to be specific. That was about three weeks ago. I'm still hurting, but I'm moving on. The main reason I'm posting this is because I'm crushing on a new girl, but things aren't going so well, and I need some advice.
Basically, I met this girl two nights ago. She works at an ice cream shop in the mall, and I got some ice cream there two nights ago. I started up a conversation that lasted about 45 minutes all together (it was close to closing time so it wasn't busy, but there were a few customers, and I'd go and mind my own business when a customer came up so I wasn't distracting her). At the end, I got her number, and waited until the next night (last night) to text her. She responded pretty immediately, and we exchanged a few texts. She seemed interested and happy to talk to me (no one word replies and quite a few smiley faces), and after a while, I asked her if she wanted to get coffee on Sunday. No reply. Still no reply when I got up this morning. I waited until the afternoon to text her again, and all I sent was something to the effect of "Hey, you didn't answer my question last night. Would you like to go out on Sunday?" Still no reply, 6 hours later.
I'm really confused as to where I went wrong here. We hit it off pretty damn well in person, and I asked her then if she would want to go out sometime, and she said yes, so I don't understand why she'd all of a sudden stop replying when I text her about it. In addition to being hella confused about what went wrong here, I'm also confused about what I should do next. I haven't texted her since then, and I'm not planning on texting her again tonight. What can I do to get her attention again? She seemed really interested before, so I think there's definitely something there. Should I call her tomorrow, or text her and just ask how she's doing, or bring up the date idea again? Or something else haha. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
First things first - slow the hell down! You're going from one girl to another without giving yourself any time for rest. It's great you can strike up a conversation and get a number, but is it really the best thing for you right now?
As for the situation: you're over-thinking it. If it's something like a date you shouldn't be texting it in the first place. Maybe she thought she was getting a new friend and you jumped straight away into first date. There are a million other possibilities, but it's utterly pointless to try and figure them out. Either give her a call/go see her at work and ask there, or drop it entirely and keep on texting random conversation.
I'm pretty much over my ex and I do like having a girlfriend, so I don't think it's a bad thing for me to ask other girls out, really. Also, I thought it was kind of an unspoken rule that when a guy asks for a girl's number, it's because he's interested in her... I didn't even call it a date though. Just asked if she wanted to get coffee, which is about as relaxed and friendly as it gets IMO. I realize now maybe I should've waited longer to ask her to meet up, but she seemed really interested, so I thought she'd say yeah.
I just got a coffee date recently with just a 'hi you're cute and i have to meet you' <insert getting to know you convo> got a phone number in <5 minutes and texted her few hours later setting up a date. If she wants to see you, she'll go for it anyway.
As for unspoken rule about numbers implying interest... Not exactly sure about that. Recently i got a girl's number but i never flirted with her at all. Although we're meeting up sometime, I'm thinking she just expects it to be friendly. Thankfully i'm not that interested in her. Apparently she has a boyfriend as well so perhaps I was just engaging to talk to at the dinner.
On May 12 2012 16:59 Sotamursu wrote: I had coffee with a girl and we hit off pretty nicely and decided to meet again a few days later. She flakes on the second date and I decide to give her some space for a week before asking her again. She responds positively and agrees to a date again, only flake with no messages or anything.
At this point I'm kinda disappointed and focusing on just forgetting about her. One week later she sends me a message where she says she's sorry and wants to meet again tomorrow. The reason she gave for not answering was that her phone was broke (pretty much 99% chance of bullshit) I couldn't make it then and told her I might be able to meet her the following week. What am I supposed to make of this?
Maybe her reasons are legitimate? Though normally i'd be the one to agree with you and take the cynical route, just accept it right now for what it is. The next time you two want to do something, make it easier on you. Date is closer to your place or she picks you up.
She hasn't answered me after I told her that, though at this point I don't really give a fuck. If she answers, I'm fine with it and will give it another shot, if she doesn't - next.
slight update: just severed any and all ties with my ex, and I'm pretty sure she's a bit crazy. as much as I hate to admit it, we'd been doing an off and on friends with benefits thing for the last few weeks (most of the feeling was gone for me, so if I get laid, why not)? not the best thing, but it was what it was. but then, two nights ago, she told me she still loved me and wanted to be exclusive again. I didn't even consider it for a second (we've been down that road before and I won't go down it again). then, tonight, she said she apparently doesn't love me anymore and she's crushing on some other guy. I ended up telling her what I've been wanting to say for the last few weeks, and that was that I was sick and tired of being dragged along, and sick and tired of being her fallback. over these last few weeks, every time she's been interested in someone else, I've all of a sudden become mostly unimportant, but as soon as that fleeting interest dies down, she wants me to come over and sleep with her and be all romantic and shit. Anyway, I ended up deleting her number, blocking her on facebook (lol), and deleting nearly all of the friends I met through her. I'm a little shaken, but at this point, I know it's for the best. I finally see her for what she really is. she's nothing but a user, and fucking crazy to boot. I can find other ways to get laid, and that's all my ex is good for anymore. this has been eye opening for me because I realize now that I have a really bad habit of giving so much more than I get in relationships (of any sort. friends, romantic, etc). I've realized I need to be more aware of people who do nothing but take and get them the fuck out of my life.
Is it incredibly creepy for a girl to find a guy's facebook profile when she only knows his first name, and the university he goes to? If someone found you on facebook like that, how would you react?
When you chat with a girl for a while and don't offer your number, or ask her for hers, what message does that send?
Is it incredibly creepy for a girl to find a guy's facebook profile when she only knows his first name, and the university he goes to? If someone found you on facebook like that, how would you react?
When you chat with a girl for a while and don't offer your number, or ask her for hers, what message does that send?
Thanks in advance for any replies.
it really depends, if you have friends of friends for example its not that hard.. for example if your friend A you came to party was friends with her Friend B then you could quite easily find out someones name or for example you were tagged in a photo. For example another example she has a friend or family memeber that goes to your same university you may be freiends somehow, not sure how america is, but the UK to begin with we added everyone, its only now about security in press all the time where people ahve facebook culls and delete 100's of friends they dont actually know etc.
Update time! Things are going much better now. I'm dating a new girl now. We're not officially "exclusive" yet, but we're on our way there and I'm pretty happy about it. She's honestly much cuter than my ex and we have so much more in common. I've been doing a lot of soul searching since I stopped dating my ex, and I've realized some important things. At the time of the relationship, I was happy with it, but I realize now that we weren't very compatible, and if I'm being blunt, there were some glaring issues we ignored for a while. It was the most serious relationship either of us had had (me and my ex, I mean), and because of that, I feel like we were willing to ignore the fact that we weren't very compatible because it was nice to be in a relationship. Even though things didn't work out with the ex, I'm glad I dated her because it showed me that I shouldn't settle for someone I don't match up well with.
I'm just a normal highschool kid and wanting to get a girlfriend how would u give me step by step instructions on getting a gf? fyi i go to an Asian school where its pretty hard to get a gf
On May 28 2012 13:03 blacktitan wrote: I'm just a normal highschool kid and wanting to get a girlfriend how would u give me step by step instructions on getting a gf? fyi i go to an Asian school where its pretty hard to get a gf
Step 1: Acknowledge that every situation is different.
Step 2: Acknowledge that it's just high school, so realistically, odds are against anything long term, you'll be lucky to get your dick wet.
Step 3: In keeping with this trend, pick a subset of female population within your school, (best bet being girls who are more desperate than you, as women have most of the buying power at that point, by virtue of having the more desired set of nibbly bits.)
Step 4: Figure out what that subset of females is interested in.
Step 5: Emulate that set of interests without seeming creepy.
Step 6: Get rejected 10-15 times.
Step 7: Pick a new subset of females.
Step 8: Repeat previous steps as needed until you get your dick wet or graduate.
You may notice this advice is incredibly generic? So was your question.
On May 28 2012 13:03 blacktitan wrote: I'm just a normal highschool kid and wanting to get a girlfriend how would u give me step by step instructions on getting a gf? fyi i go to an Asian school where its pretty hard to get a gf
If you're looking for a generic girl then you're looking at WAY too broad of a perspective.
Ask yourself what you like, what you're looking for, and what you would consider a "dealbreaker". These can be as deep or shallow as you want. It all depends on what you're looking for. It's a very broad spectrum ranging from "casual" (hang out, fool around, low commitment) to "serious" (seriously evaluating if this girl is potential life partner). There's a ton of grey area, so try and at least figure out if all you want is a hand to hold or a body to please. Knowing what you want ensures that you don't go barking up the wrong tree. Bear in mind that the more "conditions" you have the harder it is to find someone. An individual with the attitude "I'll take whatever I can get" will float around clueless and probably degrade into desperation.
Next, put yourself in a lot of "rooms". This means you should get involved in your hobbies. High school offers plenty of extracurricular activities. If they don't then you either find some, give up, or make it yourself. The point of this is that if you stay in one or two "rooms" then you're only ever meeting the people who venture into those rooms. This may or may not include girls who are interested in you. It's a huge numbers game so you need to ensure that you are active enough to meet girls.
Now it's time to talk with said girls. This is made a lot easier if you're in a club setting because you already have this interest in common. This helps break the ice a lot easier! You WILL have to initiate plenty of conversations, but don't approach it as "I could be making out with this girl in a Wal Mart parking lot", rather, "let's see if I can make a new friend". As you get to know these girls you'll find that some of them fit the criteria of what you're seeking. The style of conversation is all your own. I'd encourage you to be yourself, but you may find yourself saying what you think she wants to hear. A lot of people do this and self proclaimed "pick-up artists" have a lot of success. The tradeoff is sacrificing integrity and you're a lot less likely to find anything more than a casual girlfriend (yet you could find one very quickly), so the decision is all on you.
Ok, so you're involved in your interests and hobbies, you're social enough to make friends with girls, and you've met a few you like. Now you get to ask them out! Never say "Will you go out with me?" because it's a loaded question with a lot of committment involved. This will scare away almost everyone. You want to ask for a low-committment outing with a specific date, time, and activity. "Want to see The Avengers at 7:30 on Saturday?" is a LOT less intimidating than "I really like you and think we should date". The whole point of a date is to get to know each other better. A date doesn't mean you're boyfriend/girlfriend, it just means you're taking the time to see each other and evaluate if you want a relationship, if you want to see this person any more, or if you just want to get in their pants and run.
After a number of dates you can ask to be boyfriend/girlfriend or she may just don the title. If you're going to ask make sure that you've been on at least a couple dates.
Things you should not do: *Overthink - instead you should just go and do it; most guys on TL have a problem with overthinking *Try and "Figure her out" - because (a) you won't and (b) you're wasting valuable time *Wallow in rejection - you will be rejected so try not to take it personally; dust yourself off and get back out there
random semi-related thought: losing your virginity to an asian girl and getting used to sex with her is a really good way to last longer in bed with other women.
On June 04 2012 11:26 sc2superfan101 wrote: edit: nvm i just noticed the date on that post.
I saw what you originally posted and I agree to a point. when we were doing the fwb thing, we were both 100% aware of what it was, and we were both fine with it. so, you could say we were using each other, in some way. when I say she's a user, I'm more referring to everything that happened during the relationship when we were dating. through dating her, I've come to believe that there are "givers" and "takers" in this world, and she was one of the biggest "takers" I've ever met. just took a long time to figure it out.
Update and question! I'm still dating the girl I mentioned in my last post and things are going really well. she's really incredible compared to the last girl. we definitely have so much more in common, the sex is better, and she seems more loyal. she's also an incredible cook, and you know what they say about getting to a man's heart. even though though things are going amazingly though, I do have an issue. an issue with myself, not her. that's where my question comes in.
the issue I'm having is that I'm having somewhat of a hard time trusting her and believing that she's being faithful. I have absolutely no reason to believe that she's being unfaithful in any way, but my ex really changed me. now I'm paranoid about it, even when there's no reason to believe it's happening. I'm not the jealous type really, so I'm not being controlling or anything, but it's still getting to me a bit. like, for example, last night she said she was maybe going to go out and have a few drinks with a girlfriend of hers, and I wasn't too hot on that idea, but I didn't want to say anything because I DO trust her for the most part and I don't want her to think I don't. have any of you guys dealt with this, and if so, how'd you manage it?
Ok, the fuck. I'm not normally one to ask this type of question but this girl is confusing the almighty hell out of me. I've NEVER had this problem before.
Basically, here's the story. There's this girl I definitely have a crush on. We see each other often enough and we get along really well. We've known each other a LONG time. During that time, we've both dated other people, but we are now both single and not dating anyone for the most part. So we're "friends" but neither of us ever refer to each other as a friend. On top of that, I know for a fact that she had a huge crush on me when we first met, but she had a boyfriend at the time so nothing ever came of it.
So here's the problem. I have NO IDEA if she likes me or not right now. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm pretty sure she does. She'll dodge really quickly if I ever bring it up and she has never actually denied it, among many other things. The problem is that if I ever allude to the possibility of us dating, she says we shouldn't. She's had some problems in her relationships in the past and it feels like she's trying to protect me from herself.
I've never told her I like her. At least not recently. So I think there's this recursive thinking process going on between us, where we both are unsure of what the other thinks so we're stuck in this weird limbo somewhere between friendship and relationship. Who is friendzoning who? Would telling her solve anything? So confused, I'm usually really good at this.
On June 29 2012 03:05 iamahydralisk wrote: Update and question! I'm still dating the girl I mentioned in my last post and things are going really well. she's really incredible compared to the last girl. we definitely have so much more in common, the sex is better, and she seems more loyal. she's also an incredible cook, and you know what they say about getting to a man's heart. even though though things are going amazingly though, I do have an issue. an issue with myself, not her. that's where my question comes in.
the issue I'm having is that I'm having somewhat of a hard time trusting her and believing that she's being faithful. I have absolutely no reason to believe that she's being unfaithful in any way, but my ex really changed me. now I'm paranoid about it, even when there's no reason to believe it's happening. I'm not the jealous type really, so I'm not being controlling or anything, but it's still getting to me a bit. like, for example, last night she said she was maybe going to go out and have a few drinks with a girlfriend of hers, and I wasn't too hot on that idea, but I didn't want to say anything because I DO trust her for the most part and I don't want her to think I don't. have any of you guys dealt with this, and if so, how'd you manage it?
this is a tough one. i would sugest talking with her about it. just explane that you trust her but due to your ex you are having a hard time doing so.
make sure to get accross that your current women has done nothing to make you feel that way and that the only reason you have a trust problem is because of past experences and you want to work past that.
let her come up with ideas on how she can make you feel more trusting, ie calling or txting while she is out, as in her letting you know whats up, not you asking what she is doing. like her txt "ill be home at 11" or a pic mms of her and her girlfriends at the bar with "having so much fun"
just little things to confirm what she has told you she is doing, and over time you will build more trust in her and she wont have to "check in" anymore because you will trust her
On June 29 2012 04:29 MaKfejA wrote: Ok, the fuck. I'm not normally one to ask this type of question but this girl is confusing the almighty hell out of me. I've NEVER had this problem before.
Basically, here's the story. There's this girl I definitely have a crush on. We see each other often enough and we get along really well. We've known each other a LONG time. During that time, we've both dated other people, but we are now both single and not dating anyone for the most part. So we're "friends" but neither of us ever refer to each other as a friend. On top of that, I know for a fact that she had a huge crush on me when we first met, but she had a boyfriend at the time so nothing ever came of it.
So here's the problem. I have NO IDEA if she likes me or not right now. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm pretty sure she does. She'll dodge really quickly if I ever bring it up and she has never actually denied it, among many other things. The problem is that if I ever allude to the possibility of us dating, she says we shouldn't. She's had some problems in her relationships in the past and it feels like she's trying to protect me from herself.
I've never told her I like her. At least not recently. So I think there's this recursive thinking process going on between us, where we both are unsure of what the other thinks so we're stuck in this weird limbo somewhere between friendship and relationship. Who is friendzoning who? Would telling her solve anything? So confused, I'm usually really good at this.
this one is easy. ask her on a date. be sure to say date when asking her to do something.
EPT
