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On February 02 2012 14:48 erektion wrote:
^ just be mature about it. tell her that you aren't really interested in dating her. don't beat around the bush by coming up with excuses, cuz if anything that just makes you look bad, and most of the time girls can see through bullshit, which gives her the opportunity to shit talk you! be straight up.
you can date and do well in school lol.
don't have a relationship with someone that you are not totally into. don't waste your time, don't experience something that could ruin the wonders of dating. pursue someone you want to be with.
So you're telling her that I don't like her asap? Correct?
On February 02 2012 22:01 Hassybaby wrote:What the...I thought this thread was dead and everyone was in a happy relationship...yay girl blogs! Show nested quote +On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote:
BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her. First thing's first. Slap your friends for being dicks and trying to pressure you into a relationship that you may not want. Second, if you don't feel it, straight up tell her. Obviously be polite about how you do it, but don't give excuses or beat arounf the bush, just be straight with her. After all, she was with you.
Well, I honestly don't know what to say. I'm new to this (usually I'm an observer, or the one giving advice-wait a second...)
On February 02 2012 23:46 OpticalShot wrote:
I prefer separate girl blogs than one giant thread because as soon as two stories come in things get mixed up and wah wah wah. Also, Hassy you are catching up in postcount, how do you find more girl blogs than me? I'm pretty much on TL 8 hrs/day (bored at work).
Okay, for NationInArms:
What others said above is good and true, but I had a slightly different approach. Be warned, it will yield you hilarious stories to share with friends over a beer at some... emotional costs. My philosophy in high school was to date as many as possible - hahaha I said it! - to gain more experience. Yes, I played a fucking RPG game in high school called dating and my goal was to gain a lot of EXP so that when I actually feel strongly about a girl (from my side), I would be near MAX level and have maxed out all my essential skills with all the maps explored and all that good shit. You get the point.
EXP gaining was not hard. I had a special talent (called piano and it just penetrates Asian girl defences like no other) and I was always in a 'position of advantage'. So I got to date quite a few girls. The problem is, once you date one, you date that entire 'crowd' or 'clique'. There was at least a 6-month cooldown period before I could re-establish my reputation up with that particular crowd so I could poke at another girl in the same crowd. Even then, I had to face the heat of nasty stares and oh-so-obvious whispers in particular hallways throughout the school. Didn't matter; got EXP. (DM;GE?)
The problem is that once I actually felt strongly about a very special girl in my final year of high school, it didn't quite work out. No matter how well I played the game before, this new content which I completely fell for was a challenge like no other. She was like no other. I played the game like the end-game character I was, and she was barely learning the first area outside town. Needless to say I failed my main quest and all my EXP hunting was in vain. Actually regarding that one particular girl, I was planning to make a giant three-part or something girl blog on TL but I keep passing up on that due to laziness, dammit. It's an epic story of love and jealousy and corruption and something similar to Shakespeare's Hamlet and k I'll stop that here.
So, adventurer, the choice is yours! I still believe just 'playing around' with chicks that have interest in you is fair game. It's not like you threatened them into a relationship or anything. If you pass up on the opportunity, well you will do good in staying true to your heart, but you will disappoint a lot more people than you think. There are subtle ways of playing along in a relationship then exiting through a 'mutual break-up' and I was able to do that with a less than 50% success rate (hence the date-a-girl = date-the-crowd theory). Do you think you can sign up for 3+ clubs in the upcoming semester to naturally fade away from the girl's sight? Even the fanatical ones grow weary when all they get is facebook updates.
Good luck!
Mk. I probably should have said this earlier, but my parents don't approve of dating in highschool.
On February 03 2012 01:42 Jealous wrote:Show nested quote +On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote:
BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her. Many traditional people get married off to people they don't know. And guess what? Eventually, they find love. To them, love is something that you learn by appreciating your partner that you did not choose. If people can achieve this, I think it's correct to assume that you can't be sure that you don't want to date her. Dating doesn't have to be (and isn't) that serious on the grand scale of things. What I mean by this, is that if things aren't working out between you two as people, you will just break up and that's that. Treat her right and be honest and it will happen peacefully. If things ARE working out, then you get a girlfriend you like ^o^; It's like win-win except win-neutral. I guess you'll probably get laid, so it's win-win in my books.
Why are we talking about marriage here? I kind of get what you're saying...maybe...
On February 03 2012 03:30 Servius_Fulvius wrote:Show nested quote +On February 02 2012 12:40 NationInArms wrote:
BUUUUUUUMP!!
So, I'm in High School right now, and a girl in one of my classes told me that she likes me. This was Around the second week of January. Since then, we've facebook msged each other, and talked a little more in class, but I don't like her (-ish, let's just say I'm not sure I want to date her for reasons, including the fact that she knows that I like someone more then her). I know that I've probably been in the wrong by kind of leading her on (kind of, we didn't really talk that much before hand), so I need help in how to tell her that I don't like her / want to date her. I'm not sure how to or what to say. Advice please? Also, several friends know about this situation and are pressuring me to go out with her. I'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet: If you like someone else then why aren't you pursuing her? The first thing you have to do is ask the first girl out. If she says yes then awesome, you can go on a date with the girl you like. If she says no then you can get over it. Now, for the girl who likes you. There's nothing wrong with becoming friends, talking, and even going on a few dates. In fact, this girl took risk to tell you her feelings (so she already has more balls than your typical TL girl blogger), so I'm glad you gave her the chance to become friends, at least. As I said, there's nothing wrong with going on a few dates to see if there's anything there. HOWEVER, you need to make very clear that you don't feel the same way she does at the moment. You're not leading someone on by hanging out or going out because you enjoy the others' company UNLESS they don't know your perspective. There's no harm if, after a few dates, you tell her she's not for you and just remain friends.
Parents don't want me to date. And let's solve one problem at a time please.  And she didn't "straight up tell me". Let me clarify what happened. She made a facebook status that subtly hinted that she liked me, and then people in school found out, and then I got the general gist that she liked me from the way my friends were acting when we brought up the girl in our conversation, and then she told me over facebook. I don't think she completely knows my perspective. She knows I like someone else, that's pretty much it.
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Hey Nation,
First of all, do not let peer pressure influence your decision. If you have no interest, then there's no reason to start a relationship. Starting a relationship half-heartedly will not end well. Although, I can't deny OpticalShot's perspective that it's more of a trade off in exchange for some fun stories and useful experiences. Considering you have no *real* interest in this girl, you should set her straight asap and not give her false hope. You are probably complicating this in your mind more than you should be (which is completely normal in your situation, at almost any age) but the reality is you just need to say what's on your mind. Give her the reasons you are giving yourself. Even if you try to console her with some "well maybe in the future..." make sure, or at least do your best with the intention of, she realizes you are not interested for whatever reasons. Unfortunately, I do not have the ability to advise you in how to do this, but I can say that the longer you ignore the topic, the more led on she will be and harder she'll take it when you do tell her. If all else fails, just tell her to watch 5 cm/s and be like "you are Kanae; I am Tohno. sorry."
With that said, while I don't agree with the idea of not dating during high school, I can definitely understand where your parents are coming from. The vast majority of high school relationships are pretty shallow, weak, and meaningless. You haven't mentioned your opinion on your parents' rule, but I'd just like to point out their opinion is not entirely misplaced. I mean, even if they have some completely ridiculous reasoning behind it, the rule itself is not such a bad idea.
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Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you.
"I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too.
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On February 03 2012 16:22 Eljee wrote:
^Lots of profanity strewn advice
But.. she's amazing~~~
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
I really liked this paragraph though! Pad Thai is good...
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
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On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
To quote my best friends in high school who were dating girls at the time who wanted to wait:
TheGiz, NEVER DATE A VIRGIN!
In this day and age the only way to survive a situation like that is to subscribe to it yourself. If that's not what you believe in then I highly suggest you look elsewhere, or you run the risk of not getting what you want, which means you've already lost power in the relationship.
A girl who really wants a guy will straight up sleep with him, plain and simple. That guy can either be you or someone else. Don't wait around for a girl who's only going to hold you back from a fundamental part of your personal needs in a relationship.
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On February 03 2012 16:22 Eljee wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you.
"I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too.
Ehhhhhh, too long, but the ultimate point that defining yourself by your relationship and drawing meaning in your life through your relationship is a recipe for disaster is a good one.
On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
So a long time ago when I was a freshman in college I had roughly this exact situation. I decided to go for it, had to break it off after ~6 months due to the physical situation not working for me, and then got back together with her about another 6 months later and continued to have the relationship for way too fucking long (6 years). Eventually she came around on sex, but it was with baby steps and it took a long time. Eventually shit fell apart because of distance and emotional and mental issues that I was too stubborn to acknowledge for a long time, but I won't shanghai your post with my whole story.
The gist of the advice I have to offer is this...
1. People can change their views on sex, but it's not something you should count on happening in a timely fashion, if at all. Be honest with yourself, and if you can't function in a relationship without sex, don't pursue this one unless you're straight with her about your needs (and who knows, maybe there's an acceptable middle ground).
2. Even though my situation ended up not working out and sucking for a large portion of it, I'd still do it all over again at that phase of my life (fuck sexless relationship in my mid 20s). Finding someone you think you have a legitimately great connection with is rare and worth pursuing, especially if you haven't experienced something like it before. If nothing else it can be a great learning experience for future relationships.
And if you're not really sure about 1, I'd say just go for it and deal with the physical frustrations when you get there. Don't let the relationship be a source of unhappiness if not having sex with her is ruining it for you, but it sounds like there's enough in the 'pro's column to still pursue her and see where it leads.
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
On February 04 2012 02:14 Mogwai wrote:Show nested quote +On February 03 2012 16:22 Eljee wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you.
"I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too. Ehhhhhh, too long, but the ultimate point that defining yourself by your relationship and drawing meaning in your life through your relationship is a recipe for disaster is a good one. Show nested quote +On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do So a long time ago when I was a freshman in college I had roughly this exact situation. I decided to go for it, had to break it off after ~6 months due to the physical situation not working for me, and then got back together with her about another 6 months later and continued to have the relationship for way too fucking long (6 years). Eventually she came around on sex, but it was with baby steps and it took a long time. Eventually shit fell apart because of distance and emotional and mental issues that I was too stubborn to acknowledge for a long time, but I won't shanghai your post with my whole story. The gist of the advice I have to offer is this... 1. People can change their views on sex, but it's not something you should count on happening in a timely fashion, if at all. Be honest with yourself, and if you can't function in a relationship without sex, don't pursue this one unless you're straight with her about your needs (and who knows, maybe there's an acceptable middle ground). 2. Even though my situation ended up not working out and sucking for a large portion of it, I'd still do it all over again at that phase of my life (fuck sexless relationship in my mid 20s). Finding someone you think you have a legitimately great connection with is rare and worth pursuing, especially if you haven't experienced something like it before. If nothing else it can be a great learning experience for future relationships. And if you're not really sure about 1, I'd say just go for it and deal with the physical frustrations when you get there. Don't let the relationship be a source of unhappiness if not having sex with her is ruining it for you, but it sounds like there's enough in the 'pro's column to still pursue her and see where it leads.
i should add an important facet to this story
we are both part of a very close group of friends so if it doesn't work out, HAWKWARD
thats what is holding me back the most at the moment, anyways ill see you on the 12th buddy
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On February 04 2012 03:27 Brees wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2012 02:14 Mogwai wrote:On February 03 2012 16:22 Eljee wrote:+ Show Spoiler +Best girl advice I ever got was this, so I share it with you all:
Okay, look. I get it. Girls are tough. Being in love with one is tougher. But man the fuck up.
You want to know how to get the girl? Stop falling in love so easily, you fucking idiot. Unless you've been locked in a basement with one chick for the last three years, I guarantee you've been ignoring all the amazing women you come into contact with on a daily basis because you've got your head up your ass over this one particular chick, and probably because she just happened to be nice to you. And what that means is you aren't into her because she's a cool person - you're into her because you think she gives you something you need. Validation, maybe, a feeling of wholeness, a feeling that you could be what you want if you just got this one.
Fuck that, dude.
Listen. You want to know when I started getting women? When I figured out what I was about. When I figured out what I was good at, what made me unique as a human fucking being. It has nothing to do with them. It has everything to do with you.
"I like you." Fuck that. Ask her out. Say, "Hey, you want to go on a date on Friday? See a movie?" Because how the fuck is she supposed to respond to "I like you"? "Oh, cool, I like you too. I guess we can just sit here liking each other then. Awesome." Jesus Christ, dude. Bring something to the goddamn table.
I mean, who are you? What are you proud of? And don't give me some whiny bull shit about your low self-esteem. If that's the problem, stop trying to get women and figure out your own shit. You want to know what real love is? You want to know what endures in a romantic relationship? It's two people who know themselves well enough not to need another person recognizing that they want to be with another person.
Who are you, son? Be still and know. When you know, and when you do the shit you do and be the motherfucker you are, you will find somebody. And your eyes will be open because you won't need that ONE person. You will be secure enough to find someone that is equally secure in the knowledge of who they are.
Goddammit you fucking asshole, did you even consider Sarah? Or Heather? Or that girl who sits in the back row of class and doesn't say much, and so you never knew how well she sang, or the fact that she's been playing piano since she was six years old? HOW FUCKING COOL IS THAT? Do you know what it's like to be with a girl who sings, motherfucker? It's amazing! And you won't ever know that because you're too hung up on some chick who's just as insecure as you are, and who won't date you because she's too scared people will judge her by her boyfriend.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. I'm so pissed off because I fucking WAS you, man, and because I wasted so much time looking to women when I should have looked to myself. The sooner you really understand that, the sooner you start to know who you are, the sooner you'll find out how many amazing women there are, and how lucky you'd be to get to know some of them.
Getting this hung up on one girl is like refusing to go to dinner with your friends unless they go to La Hacienda. "I only like Mexican food," you say. "I only want Mexican food. I don't even believe there ARE other things to eat, because I'm too fucking blind and stupid to get over my own obsessions and fears." Well guess what, motherfucker? Pad Thai is the shit, and if you never pull it together enough to realize that, nobody's going to fucking cry for you. We're going to eat your goddamn dinner.
You hear me? You ignore all these other beautiful and amazing women, you continue to be some insecure little boy about this shit, then the rest of us will meet those women and show them the time of their lives, because we ain't scared. We know who we are, and we're on the front line not giving a fuck. Rejection ain't shit but words. If you don't understand that, then you deserve to have your heart shit on.
I've been you. It sucks. Know thyself, motherfucker, and the ladies will want to know you too. Ehhhhhh, too long, but the ultimate point that defining yourself by your relationship and drawing meaning in your life through your relationship is a recipe for disaster is a good one. On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do So a long time ago when I was a freshman in college I had roughly this exact situation. I decided to go for it, had to break it off after ~6 months due to the physical situation not working for me, and then got back together with her about another 6 months later and continued to have the relationship for way too fucking long (6 years). Eventually she came around on sex, but it was with baby steps and it took a long time. Eventually shit fell apart because of distance and emotional and mental issues that I was too stubborn to acknowledge for a long time, but I won't shanghai your post with my whole story. The gist of the advice I have to offer is this... 1. People can change their views on sex, but it's not something you should count on happening in a timely fashion, if at all. Be honest with yourself, and if you can't function in a relationship without sex, don't pursue this one unless you're straight with her about your needs (and who knows, maybe there's an acceptable middle ground). 2. Even though my situation ended up not working out and sucking for a large portion of it, I'd still do it all over again at that phase of my life (fuck sexless relationship in my mid 20s). Finding someone you think you have a legitimately great connection with is rare and worth pursuing, especially if you haven't experienced something like it before. If nothing else it can be a great learning experience for future relationships. And if you're not really sure about 1, I'd say just go for it and deal with the physical frustrations when you get there. Don't let the relationship be a source of unhappiness if not having sex with her is ruining it for you, but it sounds like there's enough in the 'pro's column to still pursue her and see where it leads. i should add an important facet to this story we are both part of a very close group of friends so if it doesn't work out, HAWKWARD thats what is holding me back the most at the moment, anyways ill see you on the 12th buddy
Depends on personalities, but things don't have to be hawkward if you just try going on a couple dates and see that things can't work out. Dunno, you just seem to have a pragmatic head on your shoulders and if you feel an emotional/metal connection with this girl, I think there's a decent chance that you guys could try it out to see if something's there without burning the friendship bridge right away.
and yea, see you on the 12th. hope the champion bundles we win have better release skins than Karma did, lol.
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Marshall Islands3404 Posts
haha you still remember that as well...fuck that bundle. what you just described seems to be the path its taking so we will see what happens.
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On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
You wait for her. If you can't, don't waste your or her time.
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On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do
I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are.
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On February 04 2012 04:03 OpticalShot wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are.
Eh, this is the wrong outlook. You'll end up with undertones of resentment in your relationship if you're constantly barking up the sex tree when she's made her views clear. Things change on their own, but going into the relationship trying to change something is a terrible way to approach relationships.
Before making an educated decision on whether the relationship can work, you need to know your own views on sex and what you need and what her views on sex are and why she has them. Not that we need to openly discuss this here if it makes people uncomfortable but stuff like... Does no sex before marriage mean no penis in vagina until after the priest says "man and wife" (hand jobs cool? blow jobs?) Knowing where the line is and what sort of physical gratification you need to feel happy about a relationship is vital to knowing whether the relationship has a chance. And knowing what you need is tough to figure out on your own, let along figuring out all the nuances to her stance on sex before being in the relationship.
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On February 04 2012 04:27 Mogwai wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2012 04:03 OpticalShot wrote:On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are. Eh, this is the wrong outlook. You'll end up with undertones of resentment in your relationship if you're constantly barking up the sex tree when she's made her views clear. Things change on their own, but going into the relationship trying to change something is a terrible way to approach relationships. Before making an educated decision on whether the relationship can work, you need to know your own views on sex and what you need and what her views on sex are and why she has them. Not that we need to openly discuss this here if it makes people uncomfortable but stuff like... Does no sex before marriage mean no penis in vagina until after the priest says "man and wife" (hand jobs cool? blow jobs?) Knowing where the line is and what sort of physical gratification you need to feel happy about a relationship is vital to knowing whether the relationship has a chance. And knowing what you need is tough to figure out on your own, let along figuring out all the nuances to her stance on sex before being in the relationship.
But... but they like each other! =(
I read that he likes her, she likes him, and I assumed his views on sex to be aggressive-liberal (lol I just made that term up, but you get the idea). Maybe OP won't need to push it so hard because she'll come around (is what my intentions were). Maybe OP will be emotionally fulfilled in a platonic relationship and that'll be end of story. If my wording gave the wrong impression then I apologize, I didn't mean to suggest that OP should drench her in alcohol then pursue his wildest fantasies.
Whatever it is, I think going for it is better than not going for it especially considering they both know about each other's feelings. Compared to most of TL girl blogs where the guy is confused whether the girl likes him even after 50 replies of confirmation, this scenario is much more favourable.
Also, I insist: wouldn't it be more awkward detailing out all the sexual boundaries before even going on a romantic date? "You can put it in here, but not there, I'm okay with licking it as long as you're okay" that kind of talk is awkward and probably unnecessary because the couple can figure it on their own in the 'process' with some mutual respect. With one of my ex-girlfriends in high school, we got together one night and touchy and blabla but at that certain stage she told me not to put it in, so I didn't, and that was fine with me. FYI we didn't break up after that - the break up came much later and for different reasons.
So yeah. Take the lead, respect each other, don't do anything illegal, and enjoy life! Go for it!!!
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On February 04 2012 04:47 OpticalShot wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2012 04:27 Mogwai wrote:On February 04 2012 04:03 OpticalShot wrote:On February 04 2012 00:37 Brees wrote:
ill make this one short and to the point - like girl, girl likes me.
Already know that her beliefs on sex are that she wants to wait until marriage so I know she wont be able to satisfy the physical part of the relationship even though she is perfect emotionally/mentally.
what do I say you give it a shot - gradually wear down her defences. Maybe her beliefs on sex (or the lack thereof) are because of her education and environment taught her that all men and their penises (penii / penissi / penisssss?) are evil. You show her what a sophisticated gentleman you are, then lead her romantically, and as long as she got the right hormones she might come around. If she doesn't, oh well, break up citing differences in personalities? I mean if your group of "friends" have a problem with that, fuck them, find new friends who can accept you for who you are. Eh, this is the wrong outlook. You'll end up with undertones of resentment in your relationship if you're constantly barking up the sex tree when she's made her views clear. Things change on their own, but going into the relationship trying to change something is a terrible way to approach relationships. Before making an educated decision on whether the relationship can work, you need to know your own views on sex and what you need and what her views on sex are and why she has them. Not that we need to openly discuss this here if it makes people uncomfortable but stuff like... Does no sex before marriage mean no penis in vagina until after the priest says "man and wife" (hand jobs cool? blow jobs?) Knowing where the line is and what sort of physical gratification you need to feel happy about a relationship is vital to knowing whether the relationship has a chance. And knowing what you need is tough to figure out on your own, let along figuring out all the nuances to her stance on sex before being in the relationship. But... but they like each other! =( I read that he likes her, she likes him, and I assumed his views on sex to be aggressive-liberal (lol I just made that term up, but you get the idea). Maybe OP won't need to push it so hard because she'll come around (is what my intentions were). Maybe OP will be emotionally fulfilled in a platonic relationship and that'll be end of story. If my wording gave the wrong impression then I apologize, I didn't mean to suggest that OP should drench her in alcohol then pursue his wildest fantasies. Whatever it is, I think going for it is better than not going for it especially considering they both know about each other's feelings. Compared to most of TL girl blogs where the guy is confused whether the girl likes him even after 50 replies of confirmation, this scenario is much more favourable. Also, I insist: wouldn't it be more awkward detailing out all the sexual boundaries before even going on a romantic date? "You can put it in here, but not there, I'm okay with licking it as long as you're okay" that kind of talk is awkward and probably unnecessary because the couple can figure it on their own in the 'process' with some mutual respect. With one of my ex-girlfriends in high school, we got together one night and touchy and blabla but at that certain stage she told me not to put it in, so I didn't, and that was fine with me. FYI we didn't break up after that - the break up came much later and for different reasons. So yeah. Take the lead, respect each other, don't do anything illegal, and enjoy life! Go for it!!!
"wear down defenses" just sounds like you're persistently pressing the issue to me, guess I read it wrong... The only point I'm trying to make is that if wearing her down is part of the gameplan from the start, there's probably a problem.
anyway, yes, I know you can't just spell everything out before the relationship, which is why I'm saying if you're uncertain about your needs, you can try a few dates and see where it goes. I'm just saying that if you know you need sex to be fulfilled and she's made it clear to you that she believes in no sex before marriage, that's kinda a recipe for disaster. but knowing "no sex before marriage" doesn't give you a perfect picture of where the line is for her and it's perfectly possible to have a sufficiently satisfying sex-life without "sex," so it probably doesn't hurt to just give it a shot and who knows, maybe it'll all work out wonderfully.
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So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
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On February 04 2012 05:47 eviltomahawk wrote:
So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
WHAT
I gave you such an awesome detailed guide on your blog.
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On February 04 2012 05:55 OpticalShot wrote:Show nested quote +On February 04 2012 05:47 eviltomahawk wrote:
So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner? WHAT I gave you such an awesome detailed guide on your blog.
lol
It was a great guide, but I'm just fishing for more suggestions haha.
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On February 04 2012 05:47 eviltomahawk wrote:
So, what is the absolute best way to approach a girl who is sitting alone in a college dining hall?
And generally, when would be the best times for these approaches? During peak hours or during the weirder hours between lunch and dinner or after dinner?
More info would help here. New girl? Someone you've seen elsewhere? I don't understand the timing question, is she sitting all alone in the dining hall 24/7? Is she usually working in there or just sitting alone all day looking sad?
Generally speaking, just don't make a big deal about it. Approach the table, ask her if it's alright if you sit with her and be ready to have a conversation assuming she's cool with it. For some people, conversations come easily, for others it might be harder, so I'm not sure how much direction you need with that. I tend to have a pretty easy time conversing, but if it doesn't come easily to you, just remember to be polite and focus on asking questions rather than talking about yourself, people feel more at ease when you drive the conversation towards them and their interests and if this seems like a shy girl who's having a hard time making friends that's probably the best approach.
If you have a group of friends who you usually go to the dining hall with, you could also try inviting her to sit with you and your friends, but it might be more intimidating if you approach it that way. Depends on her personality whether that's a more intimidating approach or a less awkward approach. Tough to say what the right approach is with how little info we have.
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EPT
