|
On November 23 2011 12:32 FractalsOnFire wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2011 07:43 iamahydralisk wrote:
I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.
On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again. And that's the reason i try and avoid religious girls like the plague. Don't know what they'll do in the future. Especially if we would ever have kids. The ensuing argument about the child's religion wouldn't be pleasant. Then again i wouldn't ever get to that stage without talking to her about it. Also i feel like i have to have the obligatory sunk cost fallacyBut i understand its hard to let go when you love her. You also have other options, so hey, maybe another girl you'll fall in love with again. She could be better for you! Never know until you try.
Yeah, I know I have other options :3 I'm 100% confident I can find someone else. Someone better, even. I'm actually excited about the possibility.
On November 23 2011 12:45 Probulous wrote:Show nested quote +On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:+ Show Spoiler +oh my fucking godddddddddddddd
it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.
so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...
today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK
fuck.
like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens... I'm blown away + Show Spoiler +, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...
I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day. Blown away hey, so what's the problem  Seriously dude you are like drama central. I swear people enjoy having batshit crazy partners, why else would you hang around?
All I can say is, love makes people do weird things. I don't enjoy drama, or having a crazy girlfriend... This relationship was perfectly fine and drama free for majority of it. The reason I stuck around when the drama started was because I cared deeply about her, and IMO, that's the way it should be. I'm not the type who's going to give up on a relationship just because some drama pops up.
|
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On November 23 2011 13:21 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2011 12:32 FractalsOnFire wrote:On November 23 2011 07:43 iamahydralisk wrote:
I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.
On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again. And that's the reason i try and avoid religious girls like the plague. Don't know what they'll do in the future. Especially if we would ever have kids. The ensuing argument about the child's religion wouldn't be pleasant. Then again i wouldn't ever get to that stage without talking to her about it. Also i feel like i have to have the obligatory sunk cost fallacyBut i understand its hard to let go when you love her. You also have other options, so hey, maybe another girl you'll fall in love with again. She could be better for you! Never know until you try. Yeah, I know I have other options :3 I'm 100% confident I can find someone else. Someone better, even. I'm actually excited about the possibility. Show nested quote +On November 23 2011 12:45 Probulous wrote:On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:+ Show Spoiler +oh my fucking godddddddddddddd
it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.
so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...
today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."
WHAT THE FUCK
FUCK
fuck.
like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens... I'm blown away + Show Spoiler +, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...
I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day. Blown away hey, so what's the problem Seriously dude you are like drama central. I swear people enjoy having batshit crazy partners, why else would you hang around? All I can say is, love makes people do weird things. I don't enjoy drama, or having a crazy girlfriend... This relationship was perfectly fine and drama free for majority of it. The reason I stuck around when the drama started was because I cared deeply about her, and IMO, that's the way it should be. I'm not the type who's going to give up on a relationship just because some drama pops up.
BUT you are one to hop on here and ask for advice, and we love you for it 
Please have a non-dramatic relationship with Y. Exciting, sure, but no issues
|
But but but then he would stop posting in this thread. Which frankly is one of the only things keeping it alive. Plus the number of girl blogs has dropped overall. Only the past few days have seen a resurgence.
|
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On November 24 2011 00:29 FractalsOnFire wrote:
But but but then he would stop posting in this thread. Which frankly is one of the only things keeping it alive. Plus the number of girl blogs has dropped overall. Only the past few days have seen a resurgence.
I blame too much SC2. Guys haven't gone out to try their hands at relationships because they're all too busy playing/watching games.
E-sports is killing RL
|
I would like to tell a story and check what you guys think I should do.
A couple of weeks ago I was standing waiting for the train and this girl walks up to me and asked me which side of the station the train would arrive on. We continued talking and getting to know each other a little while traveling for about an hour. I were in a relationship at the time but I had been thinking of ending it for a while but maybe I was too scared. We exchanged facebooks and split up shortly after arriving with the train.
Because of different triggers, a couple of days later, I ended my relationship of six year. Of course it was a sad breakup but I think I already had done a lot of grieving the past months.
Anyway, two weeks ago I decided to contact the train-girl. We messaged about a little and I decided to go see her at her work in a city between our living town. I said I was going to shop for a jacket and would come by.
The day after we decided this I felt like a god, I had the best day on work (usually I am so stressed and tired my work Im borderline depressed), I had a fun night home with a couple of friends drinking beer and playing games.
Somehow, everything went my way.
The next day I went to the city and picked up an awesome jacket and went to see her. Soon after I met her in a small shop where she worked, we ended up having coffee at a cafe near the station her train would leave from. We chatted for a while, I was filled with confidence somehow even when I realized she was really gorgeous.
When we were walking towards the station I offered her to come home with me instead since it was closer back to work for the next day. She thought for a moment and then answered no because she did not have enough clothes/items to stay somewhere overnight.
A couple of minutes later I was sitting on my bus home looking through facebook while listening to some music on my phone. She had wrote in my log "Argh, my train isn't leaving in another 2 hours, and also my bus will be even more late". This meant she would get back home really late and she was supposed to get back to work early again tomorrow. I instantly wrote back my phone number telling her to call me. I ended up exiting my bus and turning around picking her up at the station.
We took the bus back to my place and we had a couple of beers and sandwiches, I was having trouble reading if she really wanted me to make a move so nothing really happened. Until we got in bed. I have a double bed so naturally she was going to sleep next to me.
We had fun that night but that was where I started acting strange. In my mind I was barely aware that I was treating her exactly like I did to my ex.
My behavior worsened when, a couple of days later, I had invited her to my place for some food and she had to turn me down in the last second due to traveling issues. I started questioning if she really wanted to see me and she answered kind of blurry. We messaged a bit for the next day as well. A couple of days later I tried calling her but she didn't pick up or call me back.
I have been trying to forget her since then but my brain will not let go of the thought of her. The plan was to just have fun and make friends. Certainly not getting a crush. Now here I am, five days after I tried calling her. Thinking about trying to contact her for the last time on Monday.
Wow, sorry for the long post.
tl;dr I met a hottie and got vietnam flashbacks from my last relationship. Now I think I scared her away with too much attention. Would like some views what you guys are thinking about this.
|
On November 24 2011 03:36 Trox wrote:
I would like to tell a story and check what you guys think I should do.
[...]
We had fun that night but that was where I started acting strange. In my mind I was barely aware that I was treating her exactly like I did to my ex.
My behavior worsened when, a couple of days later, I had invited her to my place for some food and she had to turn me down in the last second due to traveling issues. I started questioning if she really wanted to see me and she answered kind of blurry. We messaged a bit for the next day as well. A couple of days later I tried calling her but she didn't pick up or call me back.
I have been trying to forget her since then but my brain will not let go of the thought of her. The plan was to just have fun and make friends. Certainly not getting a crush. Now here I am, five days after I tried calling her. Thinking about trying to contact her for the last time on Monday.
Wow, sorry for the long post.
tl;dr I met a hottie and got vietnam flashbacks from my last relationship. Now I think I scared her away with too much attention. Would like some views what you guys are thinking about this.
Can you explain what you think you did to scare her off? It's not really clear from your post. It could be that she just feels guilty about sleeping with you so fast because she doesn't think of herself that way. Or it could be that you really screwed something up!
Either way, sounds like you have some pretty smooth moves, it's not a usual occurrence for most guys to meet a hot girl at random and end up taking her to bed within a few days. Nice work! If you did screw it up with this girl I'm pretty sure you'll find some more soon! 
|
On November 24 2011 04:04 ziggurat wrote:Can you explain what you think you did to scare her off? It's not really clear from your post. It could be that she just feels guilty about sleeping with you so fast because she doesn't think of herself that way. Or it could be that you really screwed something up! Either way, sounds like you have some pretty smooth moves, it's not a usual occurrence for most guys to meet a hot girl at random and end up taking her to bed within a few days. Nice work! If you did screw it up with this girl I'm pretty sure you'll find some more soon!
Thing is, I have been out in my hometown and on a concert since then but no girls here are even half as good-looking or fun as she is.
Yes your are probably right, I should explain some more.
I called her up two days after she stayed and asked her to come over for dinner in two days. She said she would come as long as her public transportation card did not expire before then. I messaged her soon after asking if there was something she did not eat. She answered that she did not eat meat which is very cool in my opinion but I freaked out because I have almost never cooked any meatless meals. So I decided to try out a recipe the day after. I was getting late for practice so I was very stressed out. In the middle of cooking I noticed I got a text from her saying she couldn't make it due to aforementioned transportation card expiring. I did not even think about it and stupidly texted back and asked if she really wanted to see me. She said something like "Its hard living so far away. Its not you, you are sweet. Maybe once I get another card" She also needs to save money for something very important.
I said I was sorry about the fuss I made and she said it was all good.
The day after I started writing to her about something she forgot at my place but something I felt that something was strange and suddenly she did not write back.
Stupid as I am I tried texting her that same night, I had the brightest of Ideas of only the sort you can have while watching the dark in your bedroom a night with only thoughts and no sleep ^_^ (which was that I could go see her instead of the other way around, haha.. weird I know.)
I just asked if she was awake and no answer. The next day I called her and that was when she did not answer.
Looking back at these messages I feel like I may have overreacted a bit. I still feel that if she wanted to see me she would contact me instead of the other way around since I already tried.
On November 24 2011 04:04 ziggurat wrote:
It could be that she just feels guilty about sleeping with you so fast because she doesn't think of herself that way
Thanks I never thought about it that way
|
I see what you mean. In my opinion it's probably a combination of both factors. She obviously liked you, but the next day she started feeling guilty about sleeping with you on the 2nd time she met you. So she's feeling bad about herself and kind of wishing she had never done that. Then your actions probably made her have more doubts. Now she is probably at the point where she just wants to go on with her life like nothing ever happened.
Reading this is reminding me of a similar situation that happened to me many years ago when I was younger. Haha these threads always bring back memories! Anyway there may not be much you can do at this point... you definitely overdid it with the texting and stuff. You basically have two strategies to try - either go all out or just play it casual.
Going all out would involve some kind of sappy romantic gesture like showing up at her place with flowers or something stupid like that and basically tell her that you think you have an amazing connection and you can't stop thinking about her blah blah blah. This MIGHT work. It will give her a chance to rationalize her somewhat slutty actions (sorry to use that word but I can't think of a better one) by saying "oh I'm not the kind of girl who does that but I did it this time because we have such a great connection and maybe we're meant to be together ..." I personally do not recommend this because it might just creep her out more, and it has the potential to be incredibly embarrassing and awkward for both of you. But it will make for a good story no matter how it turns out!
The other option is to just play it cool, not contact her for a while, maybe post some pics of you with other girls on your facebook (in case she's still creeping on your profile), and then in maybe 2-3 weeks send her a message saying you are inviting her out to do something. It should be an activity that you know she will be interested in -- you should actually do a good amount of research to find the perfect event that you know she'll want to go to. In you message you should tell her that you are going and she should come if she is available. I would also recommend adding a time constraint, like "I will have to head home right after the _____ because of ____". This might work because (a) she actually wants to go to this event; (b) your phrasing shows that you are not depending on her to have a good time, unlike a message where you just ask her if she wants to hang out - this shows that you are a fun person who is exciting and interesting to be around; and (c) because of the time constraint she knows that you're not just looking for sex (Girls can actually get very depressed about the idea that men only want sex from them). I personally recommend this approach since it's a lot less work and there's no potential embarrassment no matter how it goes.
The reality (in my opinion) is that you probably won't get very far with this girl, but either of these schemes has maybe a 1 in 3 chance of getting you another shot.
Sorry for the long reply. Good luck
|
dear TL,
I have a problem.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
|
On November 25 2011 11:45 a176 wrote:
dear TL,
I have a problem.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
the thing is, you can't just go "long run serious relationship", you have to work your way there.
Just take your time, have some fun together, make some moments and promises that show you are committed and give her an impression that you are going to make things work for you two.
I always go to movie for my dates, because there are so much to talk about, especially if I want to relate the topic to something I want to tell her or something about her that I want to know more about
|
On November 25 2011 14:28 ETisME wrote:Show nested quote +On November 25 2011 11:45 a176 wrote:
dear TL,
I have a problem.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help. the thing is, you can't just go "long run serious relationship", you have to work your way there. Just take your time, have some fun together, make some moments and promises that show you are committed and give her an impression that you are going to make things work for you two. I always go to movie for my dates, because there are so much to talk about, especially if I want to relate the topic to something I want to tell her or something about her that I want to know more about
Wow. I never go to movies on dates because all you end up doing for at least an hour and a half is NOT talking. For me something including food and wine is best. Otherwise an activity that is outside (if the weather is good) where talking is a prerequisite.
Example: Meet at a park or somewhere easy for the both of you. Museums, art galleries are also good. Have a little work around town to somewhere nice for a snack and a drink/coffee. Then walk back, if necessary. Gives you plenty time to talk. You're physically active so you don't have to worry about what you're doing. It's different and casual. To me movies say, I don't actually want to talk to you.
Eh, my two cents.
|
On November 25 2011 11:45 a176 wrote:
dear TL,
I have a problem.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
I've found that if you date a lot of girls it's only a matter of time until you find one that you like more than the others, who you actually feel is someone that you would want to be with exclusively for the long term. You don't really have to do anything different than you would with normal dating. If you're dating quite a bit it's only a matter of time (for most guys anyway) until you get tired of that lifestyle and find someone who is worth putting more time into.
|
On November 25 2011 15:06 Probulous wrote:Show nested quote +On November 25 2011 14:28 ETisME wrote:On November 25 2011 11:45 a176 wrote:
dear TL,
I have a problem.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help. the thing is, you can't just go "long run serious relationship", you have to work your way there. Just take your time, have some fun together, make some moments and promises that show you are committed and give her an impression that you are going to make things work for you two. I always go to movie for my dates, because there are so much to talk about, especially if I want to relate the topic to something I want to tell her or something about her that I want to know more about Wow. I never go to movies on dates because all you end up doing for at least an hour and a half is NOT talking. For me something including food and wine is best. Otherwise an activity that is outside (if the weather is good) where talking is a prerequisite. Example: Meet at a park or somewhere easy for the both of you. Museums, art galleries are also good. Have a little work around town to somewhere nice for a snack and a drink/coffee. Then walk back, if necessary. Gives you plenty time to talk. You're physically active so you don't have to worry about what you're doing. It's different and casual. To me movies say, I don't actually want to talk to you. Eh, my two cents.
^ Definitely this. Movies are bad for early dates because you basically don't talk for an hour and a half. They're fine once you're in a relationship and feel comfortable with each other etc, but for early dates, there are much better things to do to get to know each other IMO.
|
I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
|
On November 28 2011 04:42 iamahydralisk wrote:
I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
Maybe it's a good idea to pm Rekrul and ask for more help on this one.
|
Wait why did kittens get nuked?
|
This thread has helped me a lot in my life^_^. I would like to thank the people in this thread for their amazing advice.
|
On November 28 2011 09:42 FinestHour wrote:
Wait why did kittens get nuked?
He was originally a poster named fanatacist, who was banned. He also made other spoof accounts to troll the SC2 forums i think. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back, TL mods banned him.
|
United Kingdom10823 Posts
On November 28 2011 04:42 iamahydralisk wrote:
I hate to even do this, but fuck it, I post everything else here so why not.
N texted me yesterday and said she wants me back and she'd be willing to consider a normal marriage way down the road. I'm pretty much taken aback and I have no idea what to say. I never asked or expected her to compromise her values for me, but she seems somewhat willing... but it's still not a guarantee. She says her thoughts could change again.
I still care for her tons, but honestly, I'm kinda sick of the drama... like I just want to be done with it. so I don't really know what to say to her...
Dammit Fractals, now look what's happened....
I'm gonna quote you directly here hydra, because I think you need it:
On November 23 2011 13:21 iamahydralisk wrote:
Yeah, I know I have other options :3 I'm 100% confident I can find someone else. Someone better, even. I'm actually excited about the possibility.
You were excited about possibly finding someone else. You want to be done with it. So let her off gently, but end it. I think for both of your sakes, this has to stop.
|
On November 25 2011 11:45 a176 wrote:
dear TL,
I have a problem.
I don't really have the normal nerd issues with women. I've given girl advice myself many times before on this forum. But I haven't been in a 'real' relationship for some years now. This time around, by getting back into dating, I want to make it serious and for the long run rather than just casual hookups. My problem is that I feel like I don't know what to do or how to handle such a thing, that is, dealing with a woman in the long term. But also, its the notion I don't want a standard boring lets-go-to-the-movies and other crap like that. I'm don't know if I'm looking for advice moreso than just posting a miniblog. But I guess any good tips would help.
I have a similar problem - like I don't really know /try to get a relationship, but even if i work towards one, I don't, like have any sort of impassioned feelings.. I used to, back then when I was a young nerd, but after 2 heartbreaks and quite a few hookups later, I'm just like meh. Girls (some) seem to get worked up over me, which i enjoy but sometimes i can't see the reason for it, and they just think I'm a dick/tool (which I probably am..) who wants some sex. (and ofc I attract girls with daddy issues..)
Just throwing it off my chest, i guess.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
