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On November 09 2011 19:20 FractalsOnFire wrote:Show nested quote +On November 09 2011 13:11 ziggurat wrote:On November 08 2011 02:49 Mogwai wrote:On November 07 2011 14:13 iamahydralisk wrote:On November 07 2011 06:36 ziggurat wrote:On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote:
"Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome. Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you. Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn. It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton. for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO. The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me. Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl. If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident. So what i got from this post was, if a girl is bitchy to you, leave her ass and avoid the original issue? Without even attempting to try and fix said issue? People will always try to push a boundary in a relationship (friends and lovers) and its up to you to draw the line. I agree that if the person keeps treating you like shit after you've confronted them, you need to burn the bridge, but to avoid the problem or think its not there is just silly.
What I'm saying is that when you're trying to "fix the issue" there are good and bad ways to do it. You should avoid anything that makes you sound whiny or clingy and try to handle situations in ways that demonstrate confidence and self-assurance. Behaving this way will give you a much better chance of actually having things work out for the best.
The only reason I'm making posts like this is that I've learned this shit the hard way. I wish I could go back in time and tell 17-year old me just a few basic facts about how to handle dating and relationships. My life would have been a lot easier and happier if I someone had been kind enough to give me some basic info when I was younger.
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On November 10 2011 01:34 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2011 01:12 Mogwai wrote:On November 09 2011 13:11 ziggurat wrote:On November 08 2011 02:49 Mogwai wrote:On November 07 2011 14:13 iamahydralisk wrote:On November 07 2011 06:36 ziggurat wrote:On November 07 2011 05:18 iamahydralisk wrote:
"Okay, you know what? If you're going to ignore me and treat me like I'm nothing to you... then don't come. I can't do this, (name removed). I can't put my heart and soul into something that won't give me anything back. I still don't really get why you're being so cold. You're not thinking about what this is doing to me... Maybe you want me to hurt. I don't know. Whatever though... This is over for now. We can try when you get here, but for now, I can't do this. I deserve better than someone who treats me like dirt and takes me for granted. If you realize what you're doing and change your mind, talk to me."
And that's it. It hurts like hell to say things like that because I really do want to see her, but at this point, I seriously just can't. I've been in a relationship before where it was literally 99% my effort and 1% hers, and I will never ever go back to that again. I don't mean to sound conceited, but I know I'm a good guy (note: not a typical "nice guy." I have a pair and I know how to use it lol) and I treated this ex incredibly well. If she can't even take the time out of her day to fucking text me back, then I say fuck her. I just refuse to be in any sort of relationship, friendship or otherwise, where I feel like the other person doesn't care at all. It's hard to care about someone when their actions suggest that they don't feel the same. Even though this hurts pretty damn bad... Deep down, I'm glad because I know it's for the better. I need to move on, and talking to her, seeing her, etc... Would make it impossible for me to do that.
So that's the end of this story, I guess. I'm more ranting than anything else at this point... Any advice or comments are welcome. Well, I hate to say it but your text is pretty whiny. There's nothing less attractive than a guy who wines about how he's treated all the time. The proper response to a girl treating you badly is to call her on it and ignore her until she changes. This will make you feel better about yourself, and it will also make her more attracted to you. Gratz on manning up. You did the right thing. It sounds like you let it drag on a lot longer than you should have! But live and learn. It's funny because that text actually made her admit I was right and then she decided she wanted to come again... So I don't even fucking know. I can definitely see where you're coming from about how women hate whiny guys and I'm normally not like that at all, but it's hard to be cold and emotionless about something when you actually care a shit ton. for whatever it's worth, I think your text was perfectly reasonable. guys love to shell out advice about what girls like and find attractive, but they're mostly just blowing smoke out their ass. just be yourself. if you really feel the way you said you did in that text message, it's asinine to think you should be bullshitting someone you're thinking of being in a relationship with just to make yourself seem more attractive, IMO. The whole idea of dating as a game and how you need to project yourself and all that crap kinda pisses me off. It might get you casually laid better than being yourself, but if you're looking for a real partnership, honesty is the best policy if you ask me. Ya but whining is different from being honest. The most attractive thing to women is confidence. If you know at a very deep level that if you lose this girl then you can easily find another one just as hot or hotter, then you won't care nearly as much about how she treats you. If she's bitchy you'll just forget about her and find another girl. If you have this kind of confidence women can sense it, and they realize that they can't get away with treating you badly. And they don't. It's truly amazing to see what kind of difference confidence makes to a relationship. It's like if your GF becomes way hotter you'll probably be a lot nicer to her ... well it's the same thing if you become way more confident. what was even whiny about it? can you re-write that message without changing the meaning in a less "whiny" way? If the person sending the text is determined to say "you're being mean to me and it's hurting my feelings," then you're right, there's probably no way to say that without sounding whiny. But if the message is "I don't want you to come because lately you're not fun to hang around with" then it's easy to say that in a non-whiny way.
right, but one's honest communication and the other is about hiding the whole truth in favor of projecting a dishonest image of yourself who's too cool to be hurt by the other person. at least that's my take on it.
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Hey you, there's this guy I really like. Nothing homosexual or anything like that, but I think he keeps ignoring me. I've tried sending him mail and spamming his stream a few times, but he still won't reply.
You got any ideas on what I should do to get his attention?
Your help would be greatly appreciated
+ Show Spoiler +
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Alright peeps, I feel my problem is a bit petty, but I would like your opinions anyways.
So, there is this girl i've liked for a while now. I met her as an acquaintance maybe a year ago, and we hung out a couple months ago with her friend which is when i'd say we became decent friends. a couple other times we had just hung out again with more people as friends and then I went to my friends Halloween party and she was there. We started talking and I realized I liked her a lot....
Wednesday after Halloween came along and I decided to message her on Facebook. We talked for a couple hours and she randomly told me to "draw a lizard." knowing previously she liked Minecraft(lol) I made her a lizard in pixel art and she seemed to love it. We continued talking a bit into the night until Day9's Amnesia playthrough was over that night. From then on she wasn't on Facebook, but I know it's cause she doesn't get on much anyways, so Sunday I asked her if she wanted to hang out and she suggested to go to the park and gave me her number.
Since then we've been texting a decent amount. Every night she wrote "Goodnight  " in some way. This is different to me because I have a lot of friends that are girls and when the night ends we never text each other good night we'll just continue the conversation later the next day etc...
Last night we were just talking(texting) and I complimented her a lot and she seemed to like it so I did again. She seemed to receive it well. I said she was a very interesting and fun person to talk to, and that i'm pretty boring compared to her and she did respond. The rest of the night. I thought maybe she didn't want to talk about that anymore(?) maybe? So I waited a few hours and just texted her a random question to see if she would respond. She didn't and now its the next day and I don't know if I should text her cause I don't want to be annoying or if I should wait for her to text me.
Some possibilites she might not be texting back that I can think of:
Her phone died, she went to bed super early cause she was exhausted from earlier(this could be likely, but doesn't explain why she isn't texting back today), She suddenly became uninterested, or she died(yeah probz not.).
We had made plans to just hang out on Saturday(maybe with friends, maybe) at the park, but we never set a specific time yet, so that's why I need to know if I should text her again today, wait for her or just fuck it and text her tomorrow about plans or not at all. Please help :3
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Her phone died, she went to bed super early cause she was exhausted from earlier(this could be likely, but doesn't explain why she isn't texting back today), She suddenly became uninterested, or she died(yeah probz not.).
If you were talking with this girl and your phone died, would you not try and get it fixed/make clear it's broken?
Would you really go to bed early if you were talking with this girl?
Girls aren't that alien. Things are exactly as they appear.
You can't wait to text her, you wanna text her even though you ain't getting a reply. If she was into you, wouldn't she feel the same way?
Don't keep texting. It looks pathetic and clingy. If she doesn't text back out of her own will, won't that tell you plenty?
If she really wants to hang out with you at the park, won't she contact you to make sure? If she feels the same about you as you do about her?
Things are exactly as they appear. Phones don't break that often, people don't wanna do homework that badly and people will go out of their way to hang out with people they are into.
If you bought every broken phone story ever told between one person chasing the other then phones must have a failure rate of near 90%.
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lol, by her phone dying I mean like it ran out of battery.
You're right it is pathetic and clingy, thanks for the opinion. I have no reason to call her though and I really like talking to her, I don't really care about what, thats why i've been texting a lot.
She's been exhausted lately from a dance class she has, thats why I think it is possible she went to bed much earlier than normal.
I just don't understand why she wouldn't text back after what seemed to be us talking to each other and getting along extremely well.
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It could be any number of things.
Your, "omg, ur so interesting, I'm so boring!" comment could've been a huge turn off for her. Letting her know that she's cool and interesting is all good, but self-assurance is attractive and showing a lack of confidence in your own worth (calling yourself boring or uninteresting) isn't going to help your case with her. I know I just got off my soapbox about how projecting an image shouldn't take priority over telling the truth, but in a case like this, you should not only be projecting yourself as a confident person but also doing whatever you have to do to actually be a confident person.
Or maybe her phone could've died, she couldn't find the charger, she went to bed, then she left it to charge while she went to class/work in the morning.
Either way, cut the self-degradation crap out. You don't have to put yourself down to give someone else a compliment.
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On November 11 2011 01:04 Aulox wrote:
lol, by her phone dying I mean like it ran out of battery.
You're right it is pathetic and clingy, thanks for the opinion. I have no reason to call her though and I really like talking to her, I don't really care about what, thats why i've been texting a lot.
She's been exhausted lately from a dance class she has, thats why I think it is possible she went to bed much earlier than normal.
I just don't understand why she wouldn't text back after what seemed to be us talking to each other and getting along extremely well.
Just a tip... Don't try to understand it. A lot of the time, girls don't make much sense when it comes to their actions. The best thing you can do now is ignore her for a few days and if you don't hear from her, text her one more time. If you still don't hear back, lost cause.
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On November 11 2011 00:01 Aulox wrote:
we hung out a couple months ago with her friend which is when i'd say we became decent friends.
a couple other times we had just hung out again with more people as friends
message her on Facebook.
Since then we've been texting
Last night we were just talking(texting)
So I waited a few hours and just texted her a random question to see if she would respond.
I don't know if I should text her
Some possibilites she might not be texting back that I can think of:
I'd like to point a few things out. You met in person and became friends.
But then you spent a lot of time using your phone and social media. Yeah, it could be more convenient since you can do other things simultaneously, but you lose the ability to get responses that come from a voice AND you lose the body language associated with it. The biggest danger of getting to know each other through text is that it gives you the ability to read too much into a situation. This is a problem for many people and it's only made worse when there are nearly endless possibilities associated with words written on a phone.
Do this: Call her (don't text) and ask when she wants to hang out (give her an option of two times, I would go 11am or 2pm). If you get her voicemail then leave her a message. Leave it at that.
If you just can't "leave it at that" then show up at the park all day and wait for her. This is desperate from almost any interpretation, but who knows, she MIGHT show up. But she probably won't unless you talk to her in the most direct way possible (face to face or talking on a phone).
And while we're at it, stop reading so much into the situation. Overthinking it won't magically lead to enlightenment; you'll just drive yourself crazy.
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I already have gotten to know her a lot in person, I just wanna keep in touch. Idk
I know I overthink things way too much, which I probably am.
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So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins:
+ Show Spoiler +Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: Idk. Jw. Her: k. Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/ Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that. Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile. Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin? Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands. Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/ Her: I guess. Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol Her: Idk what you want to hear. Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/ Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward. Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/ Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with? Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me. Me:  I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please? Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel. Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too. Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me. Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts. Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you. Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me. Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help.
So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
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On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote:So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins: + Show Spoiler +Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: Idk. Jw. Her: k. Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/ Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that. Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile. Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin? Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands. Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/ Her: I guess. Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol Her: Idk what you want to hear. Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/ Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward. Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/ Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with? Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me. Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please? Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel. Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too. Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me. Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts. Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you. Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me. Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help. So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
I would go outside.
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On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote:So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins: + Show Spoiler +Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: Idk. Jw. Her: k. Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/ Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that. Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile. Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin? Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands. Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/ Her: I guess. Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol Her: Idk what you want to hear. Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/ Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward. Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/ Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with? Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me. Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please? Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel. Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too. Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me. Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts. Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you. Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me. Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help. So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
Hate to say it dude, but you didn't handle that very well. You came across as really whiny and needy, and that's a huge turn off to most women. Best thing you can do now is ignore her and wait for her to come back to you. You probably want to keep messaging her to try to get her to talk to you, but that'll just make it worse. Just let it go and wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't, go out and find a girlfriend who lives in your city. I imagine you'd probably be happier that way.
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Why am I not getting any help with my Testie problem!
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On November 16 2011 16:40 iamahydralisk wrote:Show nested quote +On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote:So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins: + Show Spoiler +Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: Idk. Jw. Her: k. Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/ Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that. Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile. Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin? Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands. Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/ Her: I guess. Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol Her: Idk what you want to hear. Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/ Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward. Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/ Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with? Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me. Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please? Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel. Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too. Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me. Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts. Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you. Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me. Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help. So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me. Hate to say it dude, but you didn't handle that very well. You came across as really whiny and needy, and that's a huge turn off to most women. Best thing you can do now is ignore her and wait for her to come back to you. You probably want to keep messaging her to try to get her to talk to you, but that'll just make it worse. Just let it go and wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't, go out and find a girlfriend who lives in your city. I imagine you'd probably be happier that way.
Yeah i agree, i could barely get myself to read through that dialogue, made me cringe the whole way through.
i don't know why you're so caught up on how many sexual partners she's had previously. Hell you aren't even in physical contact with each other, Its irrelevant.
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On November 16 2011 22:41 FractalsOnFire wrote:Show nested quote +On November 16 2011 16:40 iamahydralisk wrote:On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote:So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins: + Show Spoiler +Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: Idk. Jw. Her: k. Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/ Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that. Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile. Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin? Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands. Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/ Her: I guess. Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol Her: Idk what you want to hear. Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/ Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward. Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/ Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with? Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me. Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please? Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel. Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too. Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me. Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts. Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you. Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me. Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help. So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me. Hate to say it dude, but you didn't handle that very well. You came across as really whiny and needy, and that's a huge turn off to most women. Best thing you can do now is ignore her and wait for her to come back to you. You probably want to keep messaging her to try to get her to talk to you, but that'll just make it worse. Just let it go and wait for her to come back to you. If she doesn't, go out and find a girlfriend who lives in your city. I imagine you'd probably be happier that way. Yeah i agree, i could barely get myself to read through that dialogue, made me cringe the whole way through. i don't know why you're so caught up on how many sexual partners she's had previously. Hell you aren't even in physical contact with each other, Its irrelevant.
What he said. That was some pretty iffy dialogue on your part. I don't want to tell you to change your whole attitude but try to be a little bit more nonchalant. Imo, you should definitely not contact her for a while. As the person above said, it'll just make it worse if you keep trying to contact her. Try and keep your mind off her for a couple of days..
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OH and Fractals, you probably don't see it, if you're in love with her.
But man, she's ice cold to you, from the first "k"
She seems to have lost all interest a long time ago, and you're acting like a needy, clingy, whiny, obsessive, controlling, manipulative fool.
Just my 2 cents, nothing mean, just, you are really being a dick.
Ok, sry lol, a propper asshole, ok, that's all I'm gonna say, shutting up now
+ Show Spoiler + Man up and cut your losses, + the forcing her to say how many she's slept with, road to disaster, saying "giving my fragile little heart" you don't give yourself until you really know someone, why would a girl want someone who's already theirs, that shit there destroys all the magic and fun
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United Kingdom10823 Posts
I got your back Marius i got your back
Message Testie and send him the story personally!
And use Intothemadcow if you can 
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On November 16 2011 16:15 Yhstuls wrote:So for a little backstory, I’ve been talking to this girl that I met online for a few months now and I guess she’s my “girlfriend”, but how close can you really get to someone you’ve never met in person, right? She’s 22 and I’m 19. We’ve had our ups and downs and she tells me that she loves me, but she doesn’t feel that she can tell me anything. This to me is a major issue. Recently she started ignoring me again and said her “goodbyes” that she doesn’t want to talk anymore. We’ve both done this several times before and managed to work it out, but I feel this might be the final straw. Also, I’m a virgin and she’s not. I realize the way I brought it up was probably not the best, but I got tired of beating around the bush. Here’s our conversation from earlier tonight since it’s a lot easier just to type it out directly than try to explain the situation. We were talking about drinking/drugs and she told me that she’s never been drunk or done drugs so this is how it begins: + Show Spoiler +Me: So you have sex before you’re married, but you don’t drink or do drugs? Her: What does that have to do with anything? Me: Idk. Jw. Her: k. Me: I kinda get jealous about that kind of thing. I want you all to myself. idk . I guess I just value virginity highly and I get worried that maybe I’m just another guy. Since I don’t know how many guys you’ve had sex with. I mean, I still love you, but it means a lot more to me than I am willing to admit. :/ Her: Well im not a virgin. Idk what you want me to do or say about that. Me: I don’t need you to say anything. I’m just laying my heart out there for you and I just want you to take good care of it is all. It’s super fragile. Her: So why not say that instead of making it about me not being a virgin? Me: It’s just that I don’t know how many that means and the higher that number goes the more worried I become. It just makes me worry that you don’t value guys very highly and you think that they are disposable. So I don’t know how safe I’m gonna be in your hands. Me(after she hadn’t said anything for a while): So…uh? That’s it? :/ Her: I guess. Me: Ok. I want you to tell me how you feel. Lol Her: Idk what you want to hear. Me: Maybe I should just try being straightforward? :/ Her: You’ve been pretty straightforward. Me: Not enough apparently since you’re still not giving me what I want. :/ Me: Let’s try this…How many guys have you had sex with? Her: Go and find somebody who is up to your standards. Bye. You know what if it’s really something that you’re worried about I’ll just save you the trouble and say that’s the last question you ever have to ask me. Me: I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it. I love you so much. I was only asking because it would have helped me not worry that you might break my heart like you’re doing right now. Can we just talk about it please? Her: There is nothing to talk about. You made it obvious how you feel. Me: I love you that’s how I feel. It wouldn’t have mattered what you answered I just worry that you might not love me too. Me: If you really love me you should be able to share anything with me. Me: It doesn’t matter what the answer is it matters that you feel like you can’t tell me that. That’s what hurts. Me: It hurts that you don’t love me enough to tell me anything when I would share anything with you. Me: It’s not enough for you to tell me you love me. I need you to show me. Me: Please just say something. See any time things get hard you just curl up in a ball and try to deal with it on your own instead of letting me help so both of us can get through it together. Just talk to me about it. I can help. So basically what I want to know is where do I go from here? How do I get her to see things my way and open up about things with me? Do I just give it time and hope it starts to resonate with her? Also, I know I didn’t handle it in the best way possible, but try not to criticize too much. I’m mainly looking for advice on what I should do now and how I can get her to talk to me about these things. Thanks for any advice you guys can give me.
From here you move on and try to find a real relationship instead of trying to fill that void in your life with someone online that you're willing to say you "love" without even meeting them. I remember having an online "girlfriend" in middle school, but shit dude, you're 19, get yourself out there and stop wasting time exchanging sappy AIM/Skype/whatever messages with someone you've never even met.
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I feel like I should update on my on situation.
Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.
Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).
I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.
I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.
I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.
tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything: things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.
Any advice, good netizens of TL?
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EPT
