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[Q&A] Girls/Relationships - Page 25

Blogs > ILOVEKITTENS
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ImDrizzt
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Norway427 Posts
November 16 2011 18:48 GMT
#481
I was so confused Hydra, thought for sure you were that fractal guy, and I was thinking "WTF" My read was that off lol.

But luckily I'm still spot on and you're another guy, "phew".

After some more thoughts, I shouldn't really give people advice about girls, this one girl I was into who turned me down, I called her a prostitute, and it had the total oposite effect of what I had expected.

And this other time, in Vegas I was in some VIP so I thought we got free girls for dancing, show, strip etc. And I got forced to get special dance (I never do stuff like that). But since I "had" to, I went, and then I had to pay 100$
Was a bit tipsy but I went along, and it was a lot more fun than I thought. "The rules" I had gotten explained beforehand didn't seem to apply, and then she whisperd she'd come with me to my hotell room. I agreed, and felt awesome, but then I felt, shit, I payed 100$, so I panicked, and I legged it out of there thinking she might be a prostitute. (Stupid curse, It's like they all either are or get turned into a prostitute the second they become into me).


Link to my serious blog, where I am serious and spreads truth, knowledge and "serious" stuff: http://www.liquidpoker.net/blog/viewblog.php?id=982066
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-11-16 19:00:14
November 16 2011 18:59 GMT
#482
On November 17 2011 02:59 iamahydralisk wrote:
I feel like I should update on my on situation.

Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.

Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).

I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.

I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.

I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.


tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything:
things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.

Any advice, good netizens of TL?


Talk with N and figure out where its going. I honestly don't know where that'll go or if it'll even be productive but maybe it will. Personally i would 'ditch' N and go with Y, but i have the luxury of no feelings of attachment clouding my judgement. Everything is so much harder to decide when you're attached.

Or I could give fruity and wishy washy advice like "Follow where your heart tells you to go!".

Tee Hee.

On November 17 2011 03:48 ImDrizzt wrote:
I was so confused Hydra, thought for sure you were that fractal guy, and I was thinking "WTF" My read was that off lol.


What's that supposed to mean?
Hassybaby
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United Kingdom10823 Posts
November 16 2011 19:00 GMT
#483
On November 17 2011 02:59 iamahydralisk wrote:
I feel like I should update on my on situation.

Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.

Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).

I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.

I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.

I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.


tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything:
things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.

Any advice, good netizens of TL?


First hydra, I've missed you. i thought this thread was dead, and I was totally wrong. Had to read the stuff I missed s well, and my God dude, you either have the most complicated love life ever, or you've copied this from a script of a show I now want to see.

I say this a few times, and I stick by it. Cards on the table time. If you care about Y, you should tell her a bit of the situation. Not all of it yet, but make sure she knows why you're in the place you are right now. If she's as awesome as you describe her as, she will understand what's going on and will respect it.

Also, its time for you and N to have a talk, because there are messages between you that are just not going through. Tell her how you feel and get some response, because I agree with you; it does seem like she's stringing you along right now, and that isn't fair for A N Y of you (see what I did there?)

And go for it from there
"These guys are mindfucking me into a sex coma" | "Mayonnaise is a must-have lubricant when performing necrophilia"
Hassybaby
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United Kingdom10823 Posts
November 16 2011 19:01 GMT
#484
Also, Drizz is slowly turning into ILK, but more random. Awesome
"These guys are mindfucking me into a sex coma" | "Mayonnaise is a must-have lubricant when performing necrophilia"
TabyLing
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
Australia69 Posts
November 17 2011 07:10 GMT
#485
On November 17 2011 02:59 iamahydralisk wrote:
I feel like I should update on my on situation.

Things have gotten better since the last time I posted about it. After I sent that text, she realized how badly she was treating me and we somehow managed to get back to a somewhat normal relationship. We're talking the way we used to, and when we're physically together, we're acting the way we used to. She came here for that concert on Saturday and it was pretty amazing. We still aren't officially "dating," but I'd say things are looking up. Still not perfect, though... A few things have come up.

Basically, there's another girl who's been interested in me. We'll call her Y for the sake of clarity. Note that this is a different girl than the Korean girl. We'll call her A. I haven't really hung out with A recently, but we still text almost every day. Anyway, I've "gone out" with Y a few times. When I say we went out, I mean that they weren't official dates, but we acted like a couple. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, all that jazz. The last time I went out with her was on Friday, the day before concert girl (let's call her N, lol) came. I haven't seen Y since then because on Saturday, N told me she wasn't okay with me dating other girls and that she'd be hurt if I did (whereas she'd previously said I could date other girls if I wanted).

I'm really torn about this. On one hand, I love N and I would feel like such a dick for dating around, because I know it would break her heart... but on the other hand, she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want to be officially "together" again. It's completely within my rights as a "single" person to date around. You might be wondering why I'd consider dating around if I truly love N, and the answer is this... Deep down inside, I'm scared to death that she's going to find someone else. I'm scared to death that this won't work out in the long run. She has plans to move to my city, but that's all they are. Plans. And I'm scared as fuck that before those plans happen, shit is going to hit the fan in some way. She's promised me she won't date around and that she won't do anything at all with another guy, but after she slept with that other guy, it's hard for me to trust her completely. I've forgiven her for that, but forgiving her doesn't instantly rebuild the trust she broke. Basically, I feel like she's leading me along until she finds someone else and then she'll drop me like a bad habit.

I'm even more torn because Y is a legitimately awesome girl, and if not for N, I'd definitely be "official" with Y. Y actually found out about N on Monday (N already knew about Y, because that's how our "I don't want you to date other girls anymore" conversation came up), but Y didn't know about N until recently. I wasn't dishonest about it... I never committed to Y in any way, and I told her I just wanted to take things slowly and see where we ended up. She was fine with that, but when she found out about N, she told me she wanted me to pick her instead of N. I'm just like... I dunno. I can't say yes to Y because my heart isn't truly with her. What I really want is to be with N in a non-LDR. I'm in such a shitty spot because I know that can't happen for at least 2 months (and it may never happen), and I've been a depressed, nervous wreck lately because of this. I'm just not sure what to do... I feel completely cornered by all of this.

I'm going to hang out with Y tonight and I'm not sure how that's going to go. She was hurt when she found out about N, and she said she felt used. I told her that was never my intent (and it honestly wasn't), and she seemed to understand, so hopefully things will be fine.


tl;dr for those who don't want to read everything:
things are going better with concert girl but I feel like she's being unfair to me by saying she doesn't want me to date other girls when she's the one who broke it off and she's the one who doesn't want a normal relationship. I feel like I'm being strung along... like she's using this weird relationship we have now as a way to keep me around while still keeping her options open. Also, there's another girl and I'm torn because she's awesome but my heart just isn't in it when I'm with her.

Any advice, good netizens of TL?



You know it can be ok for a couple in a LDR to say "ok we can casually date untill a time that we are in the same place". This is no worries some people do this, casual dating is not getting to know the person in the way you are getting to know Y. You are leading Y along and beginning a relationship with them, there is no way that is going anywhere but bad, what happens when N finally comes along and you are in a serious emotional relationship with Y? If you want an open relationship you have to be clear in your own head who your priority is, and clear with the other people you are seeing its casual an going nowhere.
I think N is confused herself, she said she was ok with it, but when actually faced with the reality of it, realises that its not something she can handle. You gotta realise she is taking a HUGE risk too, her plans are to leave her life and come to a place she doesn't know anyone, doesn't have any support structure, what if she lets you date around and you get to serious with the dating and she leaves her life and gets there and you are like O: "I love Y", or if she really sets her plans in stone and then you turn around and say o actually this girl A I have been seeing I like her too much ;/.
Open relationships are heavily invested in trust, you aren't trusting her, she isnt trusting you, you aren't casually dating the girls you are seeing, you are seeing them as open competition to N and you aren't even being honest with these girls that the dating is gonna go NOWHERE cause you already have a gf. You say you are single now, but you are still planning on being in a relationship with N when she moves there.. so you aren't really single cause you are commited to someone, even if the plans are hazy and far away. N has to be confident that you are gonna be there for her if she is gonna move, not get there and find out you are with Y, cause casual dating wasnt your thing.

You have to make a choice.
Are you able to hold out for N untill she gets there? if the answer is no, you have to break it off, or you and her are going to be hurt.
If you are able to hold out, without needing to date anyone else or anything like that, then great, but you have already tried this and kinda failed pretty bad at it.
Are you and N both happy with an open relationship, the answer is clearly no, N has made it clear to you she can't handle it.
iamahydralisk
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States813 Posts
November 21 2011 18:55 GMT
#486
oh my fucking godddddddddddddd

it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.

so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...

today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."

WHAT THE FUCK

FUCK

fuck.

like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens... I'm blown away, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...

I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day.
"well if youre looking for long term, go safe, if you expect it to end either way, go risky. wow. just like sc2" - friend of mine when I asked him which girl to pick
Mogwai
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States13274 Posts
November 21 2011 19:11 GMT
#487
ok, just stop hydralisk.

lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.
mogwaismusings.wordpress.com
Rekrul
Profile Blog Joined November 2002
Korea (South)17174 Posts
November 21 2011 19:30 GMT
#488
ban hydralisk imo
why so 진지해?
iamahydralisk
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States813 Posts
November 21 2011 19:37 GMT
#489
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote:
ok, just stop hydralisk.

lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.

I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/
"well if youre looking for long term, go safe, if you expect it to end either way, go risky. wow. just like sc2" - friend of mine when I asked him which girl to pick
Mogwai
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States13274 Posts
November 21 2011 19:52 GMT
#490
On November 22 2011 04:37 iamahydralisk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote:
ok, just stop hydralisk.

lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.

I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/

it took me 3.5 years of distance to get out of my last relationship, so I can get how feelings can make you stay in some pretty stupid situations, but come the fuck on. if she's not just yanking your chain about this (and I assume you've already ruled that out), this is just a deal breaker, end of story. what's the gameplan if not to just call it off? hold out for her to stop being crazy? be reasonable here, don't waste any more of your life waiting for N to turn into what you want her to be.
mogwaismusings.wordpress.com
Hassybaby
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United Kingdom10823 Posts
November 21 2011 19:57 GMT
#491
Woah woah WOAH...since when was a religious decision suddenly result from a "friendship pact"? Fuck the temple worthy side of it...

There's a difference between a great love and the right love. Take a long hard think of how you feel after that, and how you've felt for a while, because it sounds like you're only in the relationship because you feel for her, but look at the history. She came into your life when you were already in a bad spot from A (was it A?) A good thing came along, and now you're still hanging onto that

But its seriously time to go into this as a clear head as you can. Enough is enough. I'm with Mogwai; you should be done. GG it, no re, start seeing Y and enjoy a relationship without complications
"These guys are mindfucking me into a sex coma" | "Mayonnaise is a must-have lubricant when performing necrophilia"
iamahydralisk
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States813 Posts
November 21 2011 19:59 GMT
#492
On November 22 2011 04:52 Mogwai wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 22 2011 04:37 iamahydralisk wrote:
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote:
ok, just stop hydralisk.

lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.

I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/

it took me 3.5 years of distance to get out of my last relationship, so I can get how feelings can make you stay in some pretty stupid situations, but come the fuck on. if she's not just yanking your chain about this (and I assume you've already ruled that out), this is just a deal breaker, end of story. what's the gameplan if not to just call it off? hold out for her to stop being crazy? be reasonable here, don't waste any more of your life waiting for N to turn into what you want her to be.

I agree completely with you. As much as I hate to admit it... this is definitely a deal breaker, because there is zero hope for anything positive. we talked on the phone and she told me she plans on getting married in a temple, and I asked her how that would work if she was marrying someone who wasn't of her religion... and she couldn't give me an answer. we've reached an impasse and there is no way through unless one of us drastically changes our core values. seeing as how that probably isn't happening... I'm done with this. no point in trying anymore.
"well if youre looking for long term, go safe, if you expect it to end either way, go risky. wow. just like sc2" - friend of mine when I asked him which girl to pick
Hassybaby
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
United Kingdom10823 Posts
November 21 2011 20:00 GMT
#493
On November 22 2011 04:59 iamahydralisk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 22 2011 04:52 Mogwai wrote:
On November 22 2011 04:37 iamahydralisk wrote:
On November 22 2011 04:11 Mogwai wrote:
ok, just stop hydralisk.

lol, come on, this is over the line and you know it. that's gg, gtfo and start seeing Y. no complicated advice or musing necessary, just don't even talk to N and start seeing Y.

I know it's over the line, but it doesn't change how I feel about N, which is why this is so hard. this is retarded :/

it took me 3.5 years of distance to get out of my last relationship, so I can get how feelings can make you stay in some pretty stupid situations, but come the fuck on. if she's not just yanking your chain about this (and I assume you've already ruled that out), this is just a deal breaker, end of story. what's the gameplan if not to just call it off? hold out for her to stop being crazy? be reasonable here, don't waste any more of your life waiting for N to turn into what you want her to be.

I agree completely with you. As much as I hate to admit it... this is definitely a deal breaker, because there is zero hope for anything positive. we talked on the phone and she told me she plans on getting married in a temple, and I asked her how that would work if she was marrying someone who wasn't of her religion... and she couldn't give me an answer. we've reached an impasse and there is no way through unless one of us drastically changes our core values. seeing as how that probably isn't happening... I'm done with this. no point in trying anymore.


Thank you. Now come back in 2 weeks and write about how you've been having a GOOD time in a relationship please.

The way Karma works, Y should be Aphrodite
"These guys are mindfucking me into a sex coma" | "Mayonnaise is a must-have lubricant when performing necrophilia"
ImDrizzt
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Norway427 Posts
November 21 2011 20:15 GMT
#494
Isn't that Rainbow's gamer sc2 girl???
Link to my serious blog, where I am serious and spreads truth, knowledge and "serious" stuff: http://www.liquidpoker.net/blog/viewblog.php?id=982066
Servius_Fulvius
Profile Joined August 2009
United States947 Posts
Last Edited: 2011-11-21 22:12:48
November 21 2011 22:07 GMT
#495
First, I'll give my not-so-serious response:

On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most.

I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically


Nice try, but cutting out the physical aspect seems to be EXACTLY what is getting to you the most.

Ok, time for the serious response:

On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship.


This is your main problem. Saying it is "unspoken" means it only existed in your mind. Sounds like you two didn't communicate well enough.

It's unreasonable to think that someone's personal beliefs will not play a factor in your relationship. Sure, you can get to know each other and go through the intense "honeymoon phase" without thinking towards how it would affect the future. This is how I interpret her actions: she compromised values taught by her beliefs and she doesn't want to anymore. You can either get over it or get over her. Your choice.

Edit: Just read the more recent responses and they more or less tell you the same thing.
iamahydralisk
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States813 Posts
November 21 2011 22:22 GMT
#496
On November 22 2011 07:07 Servius_Fulvius wrote:
First, I'll give my not-so-serious response:

Show nested quote +
On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most.

I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically


Nice try, but cutting out the physical aspect seems to be EXACTLY what is getting to you the most.

Ok, time for the serious response:

Show nested quote +
On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship.


This is your main problem. Saying it is "unspoken" means it only existed in your mind. Sounds like you two didn't communicate well enough.

It's unreasonable to think that someone's personal beliefs will not play a factor in your relationship. Sure, you can get to know each other and go through the intense "honeymoon phase" without thinking towards how it would affect the future. This is how I interpret her actions: she compromised values taught by her beliefs and she doesn't want to anymore. You can either get over it or get over her. Your choice.

Edit: Just read the more recent responses and they more or less tell you the same thing.

nah dude, we actually talked about the religious stuff on like the first day we were an official couple, and she was saying things like "I don't want to force my religion on you, so you only have to go to church with me if you want to." stuff like that. and no, the lack of physical stuff wouldn't be the biggest issue for me. the lack of a future is the biggest issue. I'm completely serious when I say I would consider staying celibate for this girl if I knew it'd be worth it in the long run, but seeing as how our values are so radically different... there's no long run to be had. I called her and told her I won't be coming tomorrow, so it's pretty much over at this point. other girl is out of town for the week, but I'mma work with her when she gets back.
"well if youre looking for long term, go safe, if you expect it to end either way, go risky. wow. just like sc2" - friend of mine when I asked him which girl to pick
Mogwai
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States13274 Posts
November 21 2011 22:27 GMT
#497
ooph, that's really easy to say man, but staying celibate is a bitch once you've lost your v card. even if you can do it, I think it's pretty impossible to go from sex to no sex without putting insane pressure on the relationship.
mogwaismusings.wordpress.com
iamahydralisk
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States813 Posts
November 22 2011 22:43 GMT
#498
I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.

On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again.
"well if youre looking for long term, go safe, if you expect it to end either way, go risky. wow. just like sc2" - friend of mine when I asked him which girl to pick
FractalsOnFire
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
Australia1756 Posts
November 23 2011 03:32 GMT
#499
On November 23 2011 07:43 iamahydralisk wrote:
I think I would've been able to handle it, but eh, doesn't matter now anyway. I'm still kind of shaken by this whole thing... I just don't understand the mindset of someone who's so indoctrinated by their religion that they'll throw away the greatest love they've ever had (she actually told me she loves me more than anything else in the entire world). I feel like it's partly my fault for getting involved with a religious girl, but she told me it wouldn't be an issue... Oh well.

On a mostly unrelated note, I talked to previous ex girlfriend (the one who messed me up hardcore) for the first time in months last night, and it seemed like there's a legit chance we can make some sort of friendship out of it. I'm over her, so it'd be nice to have her as a friend again.


And that's the reason i try and avoid religious girls like the plague. Don't know what they'll do in the future. Especially if we would ever have kids. The ensuing argument about the child's religion wouldn't be pleasant. Then again i wouldn't ever get to that stage without talking to her about it.

Also i feel like i have to have the obligatory sunk cost fallacy

But i understand its hard to let go when you love her. You also have other options, so hey, maybe another girl you'll fall in love with again. She could be better for you! Never know until you try.
Probulous
Profile Blog Joined March 2011
Australia3894 Posts
November 23 2011 03:45 GMT
#500
On November 22 2011 03:55 iamahydralisk wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
oh my fucking godddddddddddddd

it's officially rage time. no seriously. everything that's already happened pales in comparison to this.

so basically, I decided I was gonna hold out for N, because she's the one I truly care about. things were going fine... we both decided we'd wait, and we were actually somewhat happy again. but then, of course, she did something retarded as hell to make things go badly again...

today she texted me and told me she made a pact with a friend that she won't do "sexual things" anymore because she wants to be "temple worthy."

WHAT THE FUCK

FUCK

fuck.

like seriously? what in the god damn hell is this. she's been religious since we started dating, but we've always had an unspoken rule that it wouldn't interfere with our relationship. and then this shit happens...
I'm blown away + Show Spoiler +
, and angry as hell. I mean... it's not even the fact that we can't have sex anymore that pisses me off most. admittedly it's a factor, sure, but it's not the most important thing. the most important things are the facts that A. she made this decision without even so much as consulting me, and B. she's letting her religious beliefs interfere with our relationship. I'm not religious but I've always been respectful of her beliefs... encouraging her to go to church, and even offering to go with her when she wanted me to. what she's done is disrespectful and offensive to some of my most core values. I'm offended because I think it's complete and utter bullshit that two people who love each other can't show it physically because of some retarded church. especially when we've done it before...

I don't even know what to say now. she doesn't want to be my girlfriend right now, and she doesn't even want to do sexual things, even though we already crossed that line a long time ago. what else is there? the feeling that I'm just being used is basically increased 10x now. I was planning on driving to see her this week, but now... I don't know. I'm angry as hell and I don't really feel like seeing her at this point. I feel like Y is becoming a more legitimate option every single day.


Blown away hey, so what's the problem

Seriously dude you are like drama central. I swear people enjoy having batshit crazy partners, why else would you hang around?
"Dude has some really interesting midgame switches that I wouldn't have expected. "I violated your house" into "HIHO THE DAIRY OH!" really threw me. You don't usually expect children's poetry harass as a follow up " - AmericanUmlaut
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