EPTFrom some discussion with friends, family, coworkers, and the police, it seems the guys who have the biggest problem with this seem to have one major thing in common: hairy ass cracks. I have a, ahem, VERY hairy asscrack. Now I'm sure many of you are thinking, "why not just shave or wax it?" As someone that maintains his pubic hair very well, and keeps well groomed, I will tell you that maintaining your ass crack hair is about as practical as trying to cut away a bamboo plant. Not only that, but it itches like all hell, and there is nothing worse than walking around scratching your ass. So if I can't get rid of the hair, what can I do?
I'm not actually writing this blog to just complain and ask advice. Instead, I'm here to share some solutions that I KNOW will help many of my fellow Hairyasscrackians.
Tip 1: Spread your cheeks.
This is one of the most universal ways to help from getting fecal matter caught in your hair, and sticking to skin on its way out. As you're sitting down, grab your cheeks, pull outward, and sit down, using the toilet seat to provide the proper hold that keeps them from coming together.
Tip 2: Relax
One of the biggest issues with pooping is it's not something you discuss openly with people (if you're not REALLY weird like me). However, after discussion, one of the best tips I ever received and wish I would have been told as a kid in potty training is to just relax - don't force the fecal waste out. A helpful way to do this is to try and think about something, or read something. Keep your mind off of the action of defecation, and just let it flow. The biggest issue here is that when you tighten up your sphincter, it cause the feces to shake, and has a good chance of catching on hair, or sticking to skin. It also stops the process until its relaxed and allowed to come out again.
Tip 3: Use toilets that are higher off the ground.
This tip is less universal, but still a great helper. When you use toilets lower to the ground, your legs are extended further out, which causes your sphincter to be tighter, as well as forcing your cheeks closer together. This is actually one of the BIGGEST factors in having a clean, easy defecation experience. Unfortunately it's the hardest factor to control.
Tip 4: Don't wad your toilet paper.
Wading your toilet paper gives less surface area, which picks up less, and spreads more.
Tip 5: Defecate before showering.
This is pretty self explanatory - If you know you make a mess, you can clean it up before it gets on your underwear. If you're not near a shower, and know you're going to be having some fun with a girl, or doing a lot of physical activity soon, wet the toilet paper, wipe, and then finish with some dry pieces.
Tip 6: Avoid defecating while sweaty.
When you're sweaty, the fecal matter tends to stick to the skin easier due to the moisture.
Tip 7: Discuss this with your doctor.
This is for my own satisfaction, because trust me, there is nothing more entertaining than discussing this with a doctor, especially if it's not your family practitioner. The look they will give you, combined with the constant pauses of trying to figure out how to answer is just priceless.
Side Tip: Wear dark underwear.
This is the solution many of us went with when we begun excelling in mudracing. It's a good temporary fix/just in case helper.
Hopefully using a combination of these, you will be able to remove one less stresser from your life, and feel more confident. Feel free to add any advice for our fellow TLers, or experiences that you think would be enlightening to share.
Happy pooping!
