EPT
Here's part 1, for those who are interested:
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=206225
Let's start this part off with some Q&A!
On March 29 2011 08:59 Urth wrote:
I just want to say it sounds like she isn't worth your time, and I can't see this relationship going anywhere based on your description.
I just want to say it sounds like she isn't worth your time, and I can't see this relationship going anywhere based on your description.
Looking back, yeah I had no idea what I was doing. Maybe if I had posted this on TL when I first realized that this probably wasn't going to work, I would have followed everyone's advice here (which is to have sex, have fun, and don't get attached to her. Logical.).
On March 29 2011 09:05 Grobyc wrote:
Just curious, why do you want her so bad anyways? I hope she's super hot, because you don't make her sound too appealing personality wise.
Just curious, why do you want her so bad anyways? I hope she's super hot, because you don't make her sound too appealing personality wise.
On March 29 2011 09:22 Aeres wrote:
Holy shit, someone actually used the [Girl] tag. Maybe, just maybe, it'll catch on.
And yeah, I agree with Grobyc. Judging solely from what you posted about her, she sounds pretty stuck-up and entitled. It might help to point out exactly what endears her to you.
Holy shit, someone actually used the [Girl] tag. Maybe, just maybe, it'll catch on.
And yeah, I agree with Grobyc. Judging solely from what you posted about her, she sounds pretty stuck-up and entitled. It might help to point out exactly what endears her to you.
She's not super hot, but I think she's pretty. Personality-wise.... yeah that was one of the big problems. I found out these sort of traits a few weeks after we started going out. Again, I should say that looking back, I had no fucking clue what I was doing. Why did I want her so badly?? It's probably the feeling of growing attached to someone, of having a pretty girl as your girlfriend. Illogical and irrational haha. I know. Oh, and I had this tiny amount of hope in the back of my mind that I could somehow make her want to continue this relationship and think of me as someone worth her time.
Haha I really haven't learned anything from reading TL girl blogs, have I....
On March 29 2011 09:24 Servius_Fulvius wrote:
I feel there's something fundamentally wrong in saying "make her mine".
1). She's not yours, she's her own (girls aren't property)
2). you can't "make" her do anything (everything she does is her own decision; if you manipulated her into a decision then any relationship that comes from it isn't based on honesty)
3). if you're looking for something serious, the girl has to give you her heart (which she can take back whenever the heck she wants)
I feel there's something fundamentally wrong in saying "make her mine".
1). She's not yours, she's her own (girls aren't property)
2). you can't "make" her do anything (everything she does is her own decision; if you manipulated her into a decision then any relationship that comes from it isn't based on honesty)
3). if you're looking for something serious, the girl has to give you her heart (which she can take back whenever the heck she wants)
Heh, I knew the title was going to controversy
Like what the other dude said, it basically means "making her want to stay with me."
Oh, and yeah, number 3. Oh so true.
On March 29 2011 09:47 Redlol wrote:
Further, they belong to you the same way that you belong to them. I'm pretty sure the original poster doesn't want this chick to wear a leash(maybe he might, but you get what I'm saying).
Further, they belong to you the same way that you belong to them. I'm pretty sure the original poster doesn't want this chick to wear a leash(maybe he might, but you get what I'm saying).
I eat kids. Making her wear a leash isn't too far-fetched.
On March 29 2011 10:03 paper wrote:
Tell me this: why the hell would you want commitment when you're so young and this is your first girlfriend (if you can even call it that). It's great if you find your true love on the first try, but I call bullshit on that, especially considering you kissed her once and she decided to tag along. Culture an abundance mentality regarding girls, and don't make them a goal in themselves. They should be a byproduct of supreme confidence and success in life (where each helps to expand the other). A lot of people (like you) are set on this perspective of "take what falls in your lap" and settle in their mediocre relationships. That doesn't help you discover and identify traits you really want in a partner. You should be fucking celebrating that she only wanted to play around and not drag you into the depths of a hollow relationship.
tl;dr -- who cares about making her yours again
Tell me this: why the hell would you want commitment when you're so young and this is your first girlfriend (if you can even call it that). It's great if you find your true love on the first try, but I call bullshit on that, especially considering you kissed her once and she decided to tag along. Culture an abundance mentality regarding girls, and don't make them a goal in themselves. They should be a byproduct of supreme confidence and success in life (where each helps to expand the other). A lot of people (like you) are set on this perspective of "take what falls in your lap" and settle in their mediocre relationships. That doesn't help you discover and identify traits you really want in a partner. You should be fucking celebrating that she only wanted to play around and not drag you into the depths of a hollow relationship.
tl;dr -- who cares about making her yours again
Should totally have followed this advice way back when. Just have fun and mess around, and then forget about it. No commitment, no attachment, no hard feelings. You know, I bet 99% (or more) of people who were in my situation would have ended up with a shitty ending. But mine's different.
On March 29 2011 10:27 The KY wrote:
There's no point trying to make her yours OP, it's not happening. I absolutely guarantee it. Once a girl has made up her mind that she doesn't want you there is no changing it.
I know it's hard not to, but try, TRY, not to obsess over it, don't let any little thing she says make you trick yourself into thinking you have a chance, you don't. Sorry man. It's only natural, but when another girl shows interest you'll forget this one.
If you absolutely must keep trying; don't let her know you give too much of a fuck. Nothing is less attractive than a guy who's been shot down and thinks he can win a lady over by being really into her.
There's no point trying to make her yours OP, it's not happening. I absolutely guarantee it. Once a girl has made up her mind that she doesn't want you there is no changing it.
I know it's hard not to, but try, TRY, not to obsess over it, don't let any little thing she says make you trick yourself into thinking you have a chance, you don't. Sorry man. It's only natural, but when another girl shows interest you'll forget this one.
If you absolutely must keep trying; don't let her know you give too much of a fuck. Nothing is less attractive than a guy who's been shot down and thinks he can win a lady over by being really into her.
One time, she asked me why I'm so committed to her and I couldn't think of anything to say. Because the truth is, I probably just wanted a pretty girl to like me. Sounds pretty pathetic.
On March 29 2011 11:00 CrazyF1r3f0x wrote:
Do you really eat kids? Because that may have been the turnoff...
But in all seriousness perhaps you should reevaluate your relationship, I mean if she doesn't want to commit is it really ok for you to find a way to force her too?
Do you really eat kids? Because that may have been the turnoff...
But in all seriousness perhaps you should reevaluate your relationship, I mean if she doesn't want to commit is it really ok for you to find a way to force her too?
hahaha
For your second question though, that was actually what I wanted the focus of this blog series to be. Not just about how I navigated through the depths of this relationship with her, but.... in a way... to use your words - "force her" to like me. It really is a huge ethical dilemma now that I think about my intentions.
To go back to the title of this blog series - "Making Her Mine." I mean, that was my goal. To make her want to stay with me. In essence, the thing that was keeping me from attaining this goal was a set of (in my very biased opinion) illogical principles that determined how she approached relationships. And these were, as I said before: needs an older guy (more mature, able to "take care of her"), needs someone who can make money. Oh and probably the worse one, the fact that I don't fit her perception of these things, even if I am able to do all of these things.
Is it ethical to go about changing the way someone thinks? Especially if it's for something stupid like "wanting a pretty girl for a girlfriend"?? Is it really ok to go and change these principles so that she can see me in different light?
Because I went back and really thought about what paper wrote. I really should have just went along with what she wanted. It's probably easier to find another girl than to influence this one enough to change her into what I want her to be. Not to mention to ethical questions this brings up.
Anyway, I really appreciate the responses. They help me put a lot of my thoughts and past actions into perspective.
