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Dullest temp job ever

Blogs > Haemonculus
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Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 17:56 GMT
#1
Lately I've been doing a lot of temp work to supplement my income... and I think I've finally found the most boring job out there.

I'm sitting on my ass in a mall... counting the number of people who walk into a particular store. A very unpopular store at that... Really I thought this wouldn't be that bad.... but wow I'm bored out of my mind, lol.

On the plus side, they want me to count people from 12-1:30, and again from 5:30-7, and they pay me for all 7 hours... so I have four hours in between that I can do whatever I want to....

but goddamn am I BORED T_T;;

just wanted to rant, don't mind me.

****
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
jamesr12
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States1549 Posts
November 18 2010 17:59 GMT
#2
I know how you feel man, I was a lifeguard all summer in New Hampshire, we have some cold days even in the summer. Lifeguarding is always pretty boring, make it and empty or near empty pool and it gets even more boring.

Just think of the money
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=306479
Lemonwalrus
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States5465 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-11-18 18:00:30
November 18 2010 18:00 GMT
#3
You are a creepy person...professionally.

Edit: Also, happy birthday!
awu25
Profile Joined April 2010
United States2003 Posts
November 18 2010 18:05 GMT
#4
think about it this way
if you're getting paid like $10/hour
you're actually getting paid like $23/hour since you get 4 hours free
what an amazing deal for just counting people
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-11-18 18:07:54
November 18 2010 18:06 GMT
#5
Creepy? Hey now I'm gettin' paid to sit around at a mall and stare at people.

A lot of people do look at me weird though considering I'm like making tally marks on a paper and such.

edit: thanks! it's my birthday in Korea time, whooo
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 18:06 GMT
#6
On November 19 2010 03:05 awu25 wrote:
think about it this way
if you're getting paid like $10/hour
you're actually getting paid like $23/hour since you get 4 hours free
what an amazing deal for just counting people

Oh, totally. It's very worth it... just fucking boring as hell, lol.
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
LosingID8
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
CA10828 Posts
November 18 2010 18:06 GMT
#7
rofl that sounds like a terrible job, but at least you're making money!
ModeratorResident K-POP Elitist
tofucake
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Hyrule19035 Posts
November 18 2010 18:07 GMT
#8
The obvious answer is to get a second temp job at the mall at another store.
Liquipediaasante sana squash banana
kiykiy
Profile Joined July 2009
233 Posts
November 18 2010 18:07 GMT
#9
Download podcast and listen to them, you will be surprised how fast time flies-byyyyyyyy
lalala
LuckyFool
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States9015 Posts
November 18 2010 18:08 GMT
#10
wow that's such a weird job haha.

most places use a laser at the front door (or some other trigger) to automatically count how many ppl walk through the front door.
Lemonwalrus
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States5465 Posts
November 18 2010 18:11 GMT
#11
I'm guessing it is a seasonal thing to see increased customership during the holidays and Haemonculus is cheaper than a laser. (feel free to make your own prostitution jokes to yourselves about that, I'm too lazy atm)
johnlee
Profile Joined June 2009
United States242 Posts
November 18 2010 18:11 GMT
#12
What the...... you're getting paid for such an easy job while there are so many people out there willing to clean toilets and shit for money.

BUT WHAT THE I WANT THE JOB LOL How old are you?
Bore
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 18:12 GMT
#13
On November 19 2010 03:11 Lemonwalrus wrote:
I'm guessing it is a seasonal thing to see increased customership during the holidays and Haemonculus is cheaper than a laser. (feel free to make your own prostitution jokes to yourselves about that, I'm too lazy atm)

Ouch yo, lol
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
Hurricane
Profile Blog Joined October 2006
United States3939 Posts
November 18 2010 18:14 GMT
#14
On November 19 2010 03:07 tofucake wrote:
The obvious answer is to get a second temp job at the mall at the same store.

Easy money right there
RIP CHARLIEMURPHY 11/25/10 NEVER FORGET | Hurricane#1183 @ B.net
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 18:14 GMT
#15
On November 19 2010 03:08 LuckyFool wrote:
wow that's such a weird job haha.

most places use a laser at the front door (or some other trigger) to automatically count how many ppl walk through the front door.

Couldn't agree more tbh. It's really dumb. I mean I could not even show up, give them some arbitrary number, and probably get away with it. Kinda silly.

Also I'm 23. For another 12 hours or so at least, o.o; Gettin' old, one foot in grave, etc
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 18:15 GMT
#16
Oh, I'm counting men/women separately. Probably the only thing that separates me from a laser in this case, lol.
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
tofucake
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Hyrule19035 Posts
November 18 2010 18:18 GMT
#17
During your last week, just fuck with them:
X women
Y men
3 Eunuchs
5 Hermaphrodites

Where X and Y are completely reasonable numbers.
Liquipediaasante sana squash banana
SoLaR[i.C]
Profile Blog Joined August 2003
United States2969 Posts
November 18 2010 18:19 GMT
#18
So, what number are you at? 43, 14, 8, 27, 92?
The6357
Profile Blog Joined August 2005
United States1268 Posts
November 18 2010 18:20 GMT
#19
sounds fun...it's been a while since i've been to a mall...
btw...i think about it...that doesn't sounds very fun...-_-;
sorry
happy bday
2010 worldcup!! corea fighting!!!
Equinox_kr
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
United States7395 Posts
November 18 2010 18:22 GMT
#20
I think this belongs in the "Creeping people out when you don't mean to" thread because if I saw someone in a store just staring at people that walk in and writing something on a notepad I would be creeped out.

But honestly, my god, what a boring ass job. At least you get paid though, I mean all those creepers out there do the same thing you do but for no pay! Think of the unpaid creepers D:
^-^
dudeman001
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States2412 Posts
November 18 2010 18:24 GMT
#21
Pull a Shaun of the Dead, give everyone walking into the store a creepy backstory. That might be entertaining for a few hours and it spurs creativity! :D

And happy birthday!
Sup.
ZERG_RUSSIAN
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
10417 Posts
November 18 2010 18:26 GMT
#22
Happy birthday Rhav
I'm on GOLD CHAIN
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 18:27 GMT
#23
Haha, thanks! Yeah it's wicked dull... total of 26 people over the course of an hour and a half.

At least my first little shift is almost done.
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
deth2munkies
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States4051 Posts
November 18 2010 18:29 GMT
#24
Ha, need to get a DS or something to pass the time. Also, Happy Birthday!
CaucasianAsian
Profile Blog Joined September 2005
Korea (South)11577 Posts
November 18 2010 18:35 GMT
#25
god you are so kinky. are u going to dinner saturday?
Calendar@ Fish Server: `iOps]..Stark
JackMcCoy
Profile Blog Joined August 2007
165 Posts
November 18 2010 18:38 GMT
#26
Two summers ago I worked in a lab as an assistant during some weird clinical trials. They were testing this depression medication on rats and basically it was my job to just watch the rats. At first it was a little stupid to basically just be a rat babysitter or something, but it was not hard and I made much more money than any of my friends working at a supermarket or retail store. I would watch the rats for most of the day except for a few times where they would rotate into the lab for testing and evaluations. At first I took everything very seriously and would diligently watch the rats for every minute I was there, but after a week or so I started to learn when I could slack off a bit and read comics or doodle.

But you can only mess around with those things for so long, and with 8 hour shifts every day like this, I needed to start finding ways to occupy my mind or else I would surely bore myself into a catatonic state. I don’t know where the original idea came from, but I started to create a little fantasy world where the rats were like people living in this strange rat society. I gave them all names, and slowly started to notice their distinct personalities. I would make up jobs, relationships and interactions between this society of rats, and act out elaborate plays with them during the day. It turned out to be a wildy fascinating game, and the days started to fly by. I actually started enjoying my work and looking forward to each new work day.

I had elected rat politicians, rat beauty queens and rat criminals. The more I played, the more real the game seemed. I was at a point where I could recognize each rat immediately on sight, which was no small feat considering their population numbered near 200. I started noticing that their personalities were becoming more actualized as it went along. It was almost as if the rats were playing the roles I’d assigned them. They were playing the game too.

I was completely hooked into this world by now. I was offering to work overtime at the lab whenever I could. I would avoid my friends and claim I was called in to work, when the truth was I was the one calling them to see if I could go in. I even volunteered to be there on days when I wasn’t getting paid. I would show up when the lab opened and stay until the last researcher left at night. I think some of them were skeptical of why I was there so much, but I would pretend that I loved learning all about the science that took place in the lab. I hated science. I was there for my friends, the rats.

One day, I arrived in to work and instantly noticed something was wrong. Ferguson, one of the more charismatic and handsome rats, wasn’t among the group during the “inventory” phase of the morning. It was too early for him to be having his tests, so I grew alarmed. When I asked one of the head researchers, he told me that Ferguson, or “Number 44” had died the night before by battering his head against the metal rails of the cage. He had committed suicide! The scientist sort of laughed and dismissed this notion, saying that rats can’t commit suicide, they just die. He didn’t understand that they were like us. They had feelings and problems and joy and pain just like us. It was that damned medicine they were feeding them. It had pushed Ferguson over the edge, and turned a once carefree and outgoing rat into a suicide statistic. I begged them to stop the regiments of medicine, but they didn’t understand what I was saying. One of the bosses decided that it was probably better if I didn’t work there anymore and basically fired me. He said it was because the tests were nearly over, but I knew that it was because they thought I was crazy. I was too young, too stupid to make them understand.

As I got set to leave near the end of my last day, I overheard two younger scientists discussing the “disposal protocol”. I thought they were talking about a burial service for Ferguson, but then I realized they were talking about all the rats. The tests would run their course and the rats were to be “destroyed”. DESTROYED? These were not used batteries or broken electronics to be smashed or thrown away. They were living, breathing, loving creatures who had a whole society of actors, mothers, milkmen and doctors. And here were these “enlightened” scientists gearing up to perform sanctioned genocide. I begged them to let me take the rats at the end of the study but they simply refused, on the grounds that it was unsafe and, according to one particular smart ass, “so creepy”.

I knew I had to take action. That night I broke into the lab using a keycard I’d taken off a desk earlier that day. I rounded all the rats up into one of the larger cages and put it into the wheelbarrow I’d taken from the shed at home. There was no security, no flashing alarms, and I calmly walked out with my friends, saving them from certain death. When we were far enough from the facility, I opened the cage to let them walk free. I know they didn’t mind the cage, but I’m certain they would prefer the freedom. Then the most horrible thing happened. Emilia, one of my least favorite of the rats due to her obnoxious personality and tendency to put the other rats down, gnashed out and bit my hand as I released the latch. The screeched out of the cage and, to my horror and dismay, the other rats followed, scattering as they hit the pavement and vanishing from sight in mere seconds. They’d left me behind. I’d risked so much for them, I was even willing to leave home just to be with them, and they left me behind. I sat down on the ground and pulled Ferguson’s body from my jacket pocket. I’d seen his carcass sitting in a metal tray next to a small furnace, no doubt to be cremated after his final examination.

I started to pick pieces of skin and fur off the body, placing them into my mouth and chewing them until I could bear to swallow, the taste obscured by the hot tears that poured down my face. I wanted to consume him, and in doing so, consume the darkness that took him. I wanted to eat the evil that destroyed him in the hopes that it would destroy me too. They found me in the morning, passed out on the grass, my face covered in blood. I didn’t even try to explain it. They brought me to an institution where some nice people tried to talk to me and get me to open up, but I knew there was no point. These were the same humans that would wipe out a whole society of my friends. Or, who I thought were my friends. I didn’t belong in either world. Abandoned by both, I’m no one. Sometimes I want to batter my head against the wall and just die, but I was never as brave as Ferguson. He was the best of them. He was the best of all of us.

Hope your job works out better than mine.
OBJECTION
ZeaL.
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States5955 Posts
November 18 2010 18:50 GMT
#27
+ Show Spoiler +
On November 19 2010 03:38 JackMcCoy wrote:
Two summers ago I worked in a lab as an assistant during some weird clinical trials. They were testing this depression medication on rats and basically it was my job to just watch the rats. At first it was a little stupid to basically just be a rat babysitter or something, but it was not hard and I made much more money than any of my friends working at a supermarket or retail store. I would watch the rats for most of the day except for a few times where they would rotate into the lab for testing and evaluations. At first I took everything very seriously and would diligently watch the rats for every minute I was there, but after a week or so I started to learn when I could slack off a bit and read comics or doodle.

But you can only mess around with those things for so long, and with 8 hour shifts every day like this, I needed to start finding ways to occupy my mind or else I would surely bore myself into a catatonic state. I don’t know where the original idea came from, but I started to create a little fantasy world where the rats were like people living in this strange rat society. I gave them all names, and slowly started to notice their distinct personalities. I would make up jobs, relationships and interactions between this society of rats, and act out elaborate plays with them during the day. It turned out to be a wildy fascinating game, and the days started to fly by. I actually started enjoying my work and looking forward to each new work day.

I had elected rat politicians, rat beauty queens and rat criminals. The more I played, the more real the game seemed. I was at a point where I could recognize each rat immediately on sight, which was no small feat considering their population numbered near 200. I started noticing that their personalities were becoming more actualized as it went along. It was almost as if the rats were playing the roles I’d assigned them. They were playing the game too.

I was completely hooked into this world by now. I was offering to work overtime at the lab whenever I could. I would avoid my friends and claim I was called in to work, when the truth was I was the one calling them to see if I could go in. I even volunteered to be there on days when I wasn’t getting paid. I would show up when the lab opened and stay until the last researcher left at night. I think some of them were skeptical of why I was there so much, but I would pretend that I loved learning all about the science that took place in the lab. I hated science. I was there for my friends, the rats.

One day, I arrived in to work and instantly noticed something was wrong. Ferguson, one of the more charismatic and handsome rats, wasn’t among the group during the “inventory” phase of the morning. It was too early for him to be having his tests, so I grew alarmed. When I asked one of the head researchers, he told me that Ferguson, or “Number 44” had died the night before by battering his head against the metal rails of the cage. He had committed suicide! The scientist sort of laughed and dismissed this notion, saying that rats can’t commit suicide, they just die. He didn’t understand that they were like us. They had feelings and problems and joy and pain just like us. It was that damned medicine they were feeding them. It had pushed Ferguson over the edge, and turned a once carefree and outgoing rat into a suicide statistic. I begged them to stop the regiments of medicine, but they didn’t understand what I was saying. One of the bosses decided that it was probably better if I didn’t work there anymore and basically fired me. He said it was because the tests were nearly over, but I knew that it was because they thought I was crazy. I was too young, too stupid to make them understand.

As I got set to leave near the end of my last day, I overheard two younger scientists discussing the “disposal protocol”. I thought they were talking about a burial service for Ferguson, but then I realized they were talking about all the rats. The tests would run their course and the rats were to be “destroyed”. DESTROYED? These were not used batteries or broken electronics to be smashed or thrown away. They were living, breathing, loving creatures who had a whole society of actors, mothers, milkmen and doctors. And here were these “enlightened” scientists gearing up to perform sanctioned genocide. I begged them to let me take the rats at the end of the study but they simply refused, on the grounds that it was unsafe and, according to one particular smart ass, “so creepy”.

I knew I had to take action. That night I broke into the lab using a keycard I’d taken off a desk earlier that day. I rounded all the rats up into one of the larger cages and put it into the wheelbarrow I’d taken from the shed at home. There was no security, no flashing alarms, and I calmly walked out with my friends, saving them from certain death. When we were far enough from the facility, I opened the cage to let them walk free. I know they didn’t mind the cage, but I’m certain they would prefer the freedom. Then the most horrible thing happened. Emilia, one of my least favorite of the rats due to her obnoxious personality and tendency to put the other rats down, gnashed out and bit my hand as I released the latch. The screeched out of the cage and, to my horror and dismay, the other rats followed, scattering as they hit the pavement and vanishing from sight in mere seconds. They’d left me behind. I’d risked so much for them, I was even willing to leave home just to be with them, and they left me behind. I sat down on the ground and pulled Ferguson’s body from my jacket pocket. I’d seen his carcass sitting in a metal tray next to a small furnace, no doubt to be cremated after his final examination.

I started to pick pieces of skin and fur off the body, placing them into my mouth and chewing them until I could bear to swallow, the taste obscured by the hot tears that poured down my face. I wanted to consume him, and in doing so, consume the darkness that took him. I wanted to eat the evil that destroyed him in the hopes that it would destroy me too. They found me in the morning, passed out on the grass, my face covered in blood. I didn’t even try to explain it. They brought me to an institution where some nice people tried to talk to me and get me to open up, but I knew there was no point. These were the same humans that would wipe out a whole society of my friends. Or, who I thought were my friends. I didn’t belong in either world. Abandoned by both, I’m no one. Sometimes I want to batter my head against the wall and just die, but I was never as brave as Ferguson. He was the best of them. He was the best of all of us.

Hope your job works out better than mine.



This is amazing. Its probably not real but somehow I really wish it was.
cody1024d
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
107 Posts
November 18 2010 18:51 GMT
#28
Oh my, JackMcCoy, I hope thats a copy pasta, otherwise you have quite the imagination.
No point in half-assing it.
tofucake
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Hyrule19035 Posts
November 18 2010 18:57 GMT
#29
Someone split McCoy's post off so I can give it 5 stars.
Liquipediaasante sana squash banana
avilo
Profile Blog Joined November 2007
United States4100 Posts
November 18 2010 19:12 GMT
#30
what's the official title of this job? lol, sounds easy, bring ur laptop n play sc2 or something

On November 19 2010 03:06 Haemonculus wrote:
Creepy? Hey now I'm gettin' paid to sit around at a mall and stare at people.

A lot of people do look at me weird though considering I'm like making tally marks on a paper and such.

edit: thanks! it's my birthday in Korea time, whooo


They probably think you're hot, hence the staring. Or that you're putting them down on a hitlist lol, prob both
Sup
KurtistheTurtle
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
United States1966 Posts
November 18 2010 19:27 GMT
#31
start reading. read a ton of books
“Reject your sense of injury and the injury itself disappears."
GreatFall
Profile Blog Joined January 2010
United States1061 Posts
November 18 2010 19:43 GMT
#32
if they were smart they would just place a camera at the door then count while playing the tape back in fast forward. Or they could be like normal people and get one of those sensors at the door that dings when people walk in and out.
Inventor of the 'Burning Tide' technique to quickly getting Outmatched Crusher achivement :D
Wolf
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Korea (South)3290 Posts
November 18 2010 20:09 GMT
#33
Don't worry, you have your laptop and TeamLiquid; you'll be fine!

Also happy birthday
Commentatorhttp://twitter.com/proxywolf
TL+ Member
emperorchampion
Profile Blog Joined December 2008
Canada9496 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-11-18 20:11:24
November 18 2010 20:10 GMT
#34
On November 19 2010 03:50 ZeaL. wrote:
+ Show Spoiler +
On November 19 2010 03:38 JackMcCoy wrote:
Two summers ago I worked in a lab as an assistant during some weird clinical trials. They were testing this depression medication on rats and basically it was my job to just watch the rats. At first it was a little stupid to basically just be a rat babysitter or something, but it was not hard and I made much more money than any of my friends working at a supermarket or retail store. I would watch the rats for most of the day except for a few times where they would rotate into the lab for testing and evaluations. At first I took everything very seriously and would diligently watch the rats for every minute I was there, but after a week or so I started to learn when I could slack off a bit and read comics or doodle.

But you can only mess around with those things for so long, and with 8 hour shifts every day like this, I needed to start finding ways to occupy my mind or else I would surely bore myself into a catatonic state. I don’t know where the original idea came from, but I started to create a little fantasy world where the rats were like people living in this strange rat society. I gave them all names, and slowly started to notice their distinct personalities. I would make up jobs, relationships and interactions between this society of rats, and act out elaborate plays with them during the day. It turned out to be a wildy fascinating game, and the days started to fly by. I actually started enjoying my work and looking forward to each new work day.

I had elected rat politicians, rat beauty queens and rat criminals. The more I played, the more real the game seemed. I was at a point where I could recognize each rat immediately on sight, which was no small feat considering their population numbered near 200. I started noticing that their personalities were becoming more actualized as it went along. It was almost as if the rats were playing the roles I’d assigned them. They were playing the game too.

I was completely hooked into this world by now. I was offering to work overtime at the lab whenever I could. I would avoid my friends and claim I was called in to work, when the truth was I was the one calling them to see if I could go in. I even volunteered to be there on days when I wasn’t getting paid. I would show up when the lab opened and stay until the last researcher left at night. I think some of them were skeptical of why I was there so much, but I would pretend that I loved learning all about the science that took place in the lab. I hated science. I was there for my friends, the rats.

One day, I arrived in to work and instantly noticed something was wrong. Ferguson, one of the more charismatic and handsome rats, wasn’t among the group during the “inventory” phase of the morning. It was too early for him to be having his tests, so I grew alarmed. When I asked one of the head researchers, he told me that Ferguson, or “Number 44” had died the night before by battering his head against the metal rails of the cage. He had committed suicide! The scientist sort of laughed and dismissed this notion, saying that rats can’t commit suicide, they just die. He didn’t understand that they were like us. They had feelings and problems and joy and pain just like us. It was that damned medicine they were feeding them. It had pushed Ferguson over the edge, and turned a once carefree and outgoing rat into a suicide statistic. I begged them to stop the regiments of medicine, but they didn’t understand what I was saying. One of the bosses decided that it was probably better if I didn’t work there anymore and basically fired me. He said it was because the tests were nearly over, but I knew that it was because they thought I was crazy. I was too young, too stupid to make them understand.

As I got set to leave near the end of my last day, I overheard two younger scientists discussing the “disposal protocol”. I thought they were talking about a burial service for Ferguson, but then I realized they were talking about all the rats. The tests would run their course and the rats were to be “destroyed”. DESTROYED? These were not used batteries or broken electronics to be smashed or thrown away. They were living, breathing, loving creatures who had a whole society of actors, mothers, milkmen and doctors. And here were these “enlightened” scientists gearing up to perform sanctioned genocide. I begged them to let me take the rats at the end of the study but they simply refused, on the grounds that it was unsafe and, according to one particular smart ass, “so creepy”.

I knew I had to take action. That night I broke into the lab using a keycard I’d taken off a desk earlier that day. I rounded all the rats up into one of the larger cages and put it into the wheelbarrow I’d taken from the shed at home. There was no security, no flashing alarms, and I calmly walked out with my friends, saving them from certain death. When we were far enough from the facility, I opened the cage to let them walk free. I know they didn’t mind the cage, but I’m certain they would prefer the freedom. Then the most horrible thing happened. Emilia, one of my least favorite of the rats due to her obnoxious personality and tendency to put the other rats down, gnashed out and bit my hand as I released the latch. The screeched out of the cage and, to my horror and dismay, the other rats followed, scattering as they hit the pavement and vanishing from sight in mere seconds. They’d left me behind. I’d risked so much for them, I was even willing to leave home just to be with them, and they left me behind. I sat down on the ground and pulled Ferguson’s body from my jacket pocket. I’d seen his carcass sitting in a metal tray next to a small furnace, no doubt to be cremated after his final examination.

I started to pick pieces of skin and fur off the body, placing them into my mouth and chewing them until I could bear to swallow, the taste obscured by the hot tears that poured down my face. I wanted to consume him, and in doing so, consume the darkness that took him. I wanted to eat the evil that destroyed him in the hopes that it would destroy me too. They found me in the morning, passed out on the grass, my face covered in blood. I didn’t even try to explain it. They brought me to an institution where some nice people tried to talk to me and get me to open up, but I knew there was no point. These were the same humans that would wipe out a whole society of my friends. Or, who I thought were my friends. I didn’t belong in either world. Abandoned by both, I’m no one. Sometimes I want to batter my head against the wall and just die, but I was never as brave as Ferguson. He was the best of them. He was the best of all of us.

Hope your job works out better than mine.



This is amazing. Its probably not real but somehow I really wish it was.


ahahahaha

omg lol


happy birthday and good luck with the job
TRUEESPORTS || your days as a respected member of team liquid are over
Chairman Ray
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States11903 Posts
November 18 2010 20:16 GMT
#35
happy birthday!

When I was working as a janitor, I was wishing I had a dull and boring job lol. Cleaning up piles of vomit and scrubbing toilets is not the most pleasant job.
vGl-CoW
Profile Blog Joined December 2002
Belgium8305 Posts
November 18 2010 20:41 GMT
#36
i had a temp job recently where i would spend 8 hours a day listening to audio tracks of people standing by the side of the road and listing all of the license plates of the cars driving by

had to quit after a couple of days because it was just too exciting
Moderatorfollow me on twitter if u think ur so tough @BooyaCow
Hakker
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
United States1360 Posts
November 18 2010 20:43 GMT
#37
+ Show Spoiler +
On November 19 2010 03:38 JackMcCoy wrote:
Two summers ago I worked in a lab as an assistant during some weird clinical trials. They were testing this depression medication on rats and basically it was my job to just watch the rats. At first it was a little stupid to basically just be a rat babysitter or something, but it was not hard and I made much more money than any of my friends working at a supermarket or retail store. I would watch the rats for most of the day except for a few times where they would rotate into the lab for testing and evaluations. At first I took everything very seriously and would diligently watch the rats for every minute I was there, but after a week or so I started to learn when I could slack off a bit and read comics or doodle.

But you can only mess around with those things for so long, and with 8 hour shifts every day like this, I needed to start finding ways to occupy my mind or else I would surely bore myself into a catatonic state. I don’t know where the original idea came from, but I started to create a little fantasy world where the rats were like people living in this strange rat society. I gave them all names, and slowly started to notice their distinct personalities. I would make up jobs, relationships and interactions between this society of rats, and act out elaborate plays with them during the day. It turned out to be a wildy fascinating game, and the days started to fly by. I actually started enjoying my work and looking forward to each new work day.

I had elected rat politicians, rat beauty queens and rat criminals. The more I played, the more real the game seemed. I was at a point where I could recognize each rat immediately on sight, which was no small feat considering their population numbered near 200. I started noticing that their personalities were becoming more actualized as it went along. It was almost as if the rats were playing the roles I’d assigned them. They were playing the game too.

I was completely hooked into this world by now. I was offering to work overtime at the lab whenever I could. I would avoid my friends and claim I was called in to work, when the truth was I was the one calling them to see if I could go in. I even volunteered to be there on days when I wasn’t getting paid. I would show up when the lab opened and stay until the last researcher left at night. I think some of them were skeptical of why I was there so much, but I would pretend that I loved learning all about the science that took place in the lab. I hated science. I was there for my friends, the rats.

One day, I arrived in to work and instantly noticed something was wrong. Ferguson, one of the more charismatic and handsome rats, wasn’t among the group during the “inventory” phase of the morning. It was too early for him to be having his tests, so I grew alarmed. When I asked one of the head researchers, he told me that Ferguson, or “Number 44” had died the night before by battering his head against the metal rails of the cage. He had committed suicide! The scientist sort of laughed and dismissed this notion, saying that rats can’t commit suicide, they just die. He didn’t understand that they were like us. They had feelings and problems and joy and pain just like us. It was that damned medicine they were feeding them. It had pushed Ferguson over the edge, and turned a once carefree and outgoing rat into a suicide statistic. I begged them to stop the regiments of medicine, but they didn’t understand what I was saying. One of the bosses decided that it was probably better if I didn’t work there anymore and basically fired me. He said it was because the tests were nearly over, but I knew that it was because they thought I was crazy. I was too young, too stupid to make them understand.

As I got set to leave near the end of my last day, I overheard two younger scientists discussing the “disposal protocol”. I thought they were talking about a burial service for Ferguson, but then I realized they were talking about all the rats. The tests would run their course and the rats were to be “destroyed”. DESTROYED? These were not used batteries or broken electronics to be smashed or thrown away. They were living, breathing, loving creatures who had a whole society of actors, mothers, milkmen and doctors. And here were these “enlightened” scientists gearing up to perform sanctioned genocide. I begged them to let me take the rats at the end of the study but they simply refused, on the grounds that it was unsafe and, according to one particular smart ass, “so creepy”.

I knew I had to take action. That night I broke into the lab using a keycard I’d taken off a desk earlier that day. I rounded all the rats up into one of the larger cages and put it into the wheelbarrow I’d taken from the shed at home. There was no security, no flashing alarms, and I calmly walked out with my friends, saving them from certain death. When we were far enough from the facility, I opened the cage to let them walk free. I know they didn’t mind the cage, but I’m certain they would prefer the freedom. Then the most horrible thing happened. Emilia, one of my least favorite of the rats due to her obnoxious personality and tendency to put the other rats down, gnashed out and bit my hand as I released the latch. The screeched out of the cage and, to my horror and dismay, the other rats followed, scattering as they hit the pavement and vanishing from sight in mere seconds. They’d left me behind. I’d risked so much for them, I was even willing to leave home just to be with them, and they left me behind. I sat down on the ground and pulled Ferguson’s body from my jacket pocket. I’d seen his carcass sitting in a metal tray next to a small furnace, no doubt to be cremated after his final examination.

I started to pick pieces of skin and fur off the body, placing them into my mouth and chewing them until I could bear to swallow, the taste obscured by the hot tears that poured down my face. I wanted to consume him, and in doing so, consume the darkness that took him. I wanted to eat the evil that destroyed him in the hopes that it would destroy me too. They found me in the morning, passed out on the grass, my face covered in blood. I didn’t even try to explain it. They brought me to an institution where some nice people tried to talk to me and get me to open up, but I knew there was no point. These were the same humans that would wipe out a whole society of my friends. Or, who I thought were my friends. I didn’t belong in either world. Abandoned by both, I’m no one. Sometimes I want to batter my head against the wall and just die, but I was never as brave as Ferguson. He was the best of them. He was the best of all of us.

Hope your job works out better than mine.


thats probably the most awesome disturbing thing i've read today.
JodoYodo
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Canada1772 Posts
November 18 2010 20:55 GMT
#38
I did a 4-month co-op term at IBM as a quality assurance tester for the team that wrote the marketing/analytics package to an online store software that IBM sold (yeah that sentence was horrid).

We actually had too many testers for the team (4 in Canada + 2 in China + 8 in India) so I didn't even write test scripts. Instead I tested the web interface by creating coupons on the store side and checking to see if customers could properly use said coupons. This involved me purchasing tables and chairs and teapot sets over and over again.

But it was a pretty sweet job all in all since it was like 30 minutes of work per day with unblocked internet for $20 an hour (which was pretty sweet for a second-year co-op position). And my cubicle had a door.
Dance dance dance 'till we run this town!
Versita
Profile Joined February 2010
Canada1032 Posts
November 18 2010 21:03 GMT
#39
happy birthday!!!

at least you can surf TL on your phone/laptop or w/e you're using

On November 19 2010 05:41 vGl-CoW wrote:
i had a temp job recently where i would spend 8 hours a day listening to audio tracks of people standing by the side of the road and listing all of the license plates of the cars driving by

had to quit after a couple of days because it was just too exciting


that sounds absolutely terrible hahaa
Zapdos_Smithh
Profile Blog Joined October 2008
Canada2620 Posts
November 18 2010 21:34 GMT
#40
At least it's your birthday lol *thumbs*

Happy bday!
mizU
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
United States12125 Posts
November 18 2010 22:07 GMT
#41
LOL @ THE RAT POST.
But, can you listen to music while you work?
Then you can just kinda rock out on your own, and get paid for it.
if happy ever afters did exist <3 @watamizu_
Zlasher
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States9129 Posts
November 18 2010 22:22 GMT
#42
Lol alex, I lifeguarded for 3 years, sometimes 4, 6, 7 or 8 hours at a time you just shit there.

Boring jobs, standard.

PS: Happy birthday in korea time ;o
Follow me: www.twitter.com/zlasher
Lemonwalrus
Profile Blog Joined August 2006
United States5465 Posts
November 18 2010 22:28 GMT
#43
On November 19 2010 07:22 ZlaSHeR wrote:
Lol alex, I lifeguarded for 3 years, sometimes 4, 6, 7 or 8 hours at a time you just shit there.

But not 5, never 5, not since...the incident.

Also you said shit instead of sit.
MasterOfChaos
Profile Blog Joined April 2007
Germany2896 Posts
November 18 2010 22:29 GMT
#44
The difference between this and a lifeguard is that a mistake here just skews the statistic a bit, whereas a mistake of a lifeguard can cost a life. Just like driving a car is totally boring but a mistake can cost lives.
LiquipediaOne eye to kill. Two eyes to live.
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 18 2010 22:36 GMT
#45
Starting second shift now... lol. That rat post was just like... LOL WTF, so props to you. Certainly confused me for a bit, heh.

Anyway yeah I bring my ipod, laptop, and book, just totally forgot my book today, which was lame. I need to at least look like I'm paying attention to the store though, otherwise I would totally just be playing games instead of just browsing TL.

This isn't the most boring overall job I've had, I once worked as a secretary at a flooring company and the first week they had me doing nothing but matching paint samples to swatches in a book. That was just.... omg fml.

Been pretty nice though today. Just shopped during my downtime, and then played a little medieval2. Now I'm back to... sitting on my ass staring at a store, trying to look very focused, while writing here, ^.^;

And much thanks for all the birthday wishes!
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
polgas
Profile Blog Joined April 2010
Canada1752 Posts
November 18 2010 22:47 GMT
#46
Do you count by hand or do you have a count clicker? And I always thought a lifeguard job is cool. Sit around, watch bikinis. Rat guy, I would've bought the story except the part where you started eating stuff. lol.
Leee Jaee Doong
iPlaY.NettleS
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Australia4329 Posts
November 18 2010 22:51 GMT
#47
I was expecting some average construction or labouring sort of job but i'm surprised , this job sounds truly boring.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7PvoI6gvQs
Thrill
Profile Blog Joined May 2007
2599 Posts
November 18 2010 22:51 GMT
#48
Wow, that was a great birthday present from McCoy!

Anyways, your job reminds me of the bulk of my highschool days :p
Zlasher
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States9129 Posts
November 18 2010 23:28 GMT
#49
On November 19 2010 07:28 Lemonwalrus wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 19 2010 07:22 ZlaSHeR wrote:
Lol alex, I lifeguarded for 3 years, sometimes 4, 6, 7 or 8 hours at a time you just shit there.

But not 5, never 5, not since...the incident.

Also you said shit instead of sit.


lolshit

you know for a second i was like wtf how did he know, when yous aid "since...the incident"

was like, wait a minute did i tell this guy about it before? but then i realized what youw ere joking around about
Follow me: www.twitter.com/zlasher
Zlasher
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
United States9129 Posts
November 18 2010 23:32 GMT
#50
On November 19 2010 07:47 polgas wrote:
Do you count by hand or do you have a count clicker? And I always thought a lifeguard job is cool. Sit around, watch bikinis. Rat guy, I would've bought the story except the part where you started eating stuff. lol.


Lol thats a pretty ridiculous misconception, good job hollywood.

Lifeguarding is boring as fuck, but you can't lose your focus otherwise shit always hits the fan. You either guard a private club, which has mostly old people, or toddlers, or you work in a more public setting, in which you have too many people to deal with, which means chaos, which means, once again, non stop having to focus.

The number of times I was guarding when there was a hot girl and less than 10 people in the area to be guarding is......maybe twice, possibly three times.

It's not like its a bad job, but for the most part its underpaid and stressful, and you sit in the heat all day. I prefer my current job (which I'm at right now) where I watch some computer labs in my school, get paid mroe than lifeguarding paid me, work more hours, stay in an air conditioned office, and use my computer to do whatever i want (usually a combination of teamliquid, watching streams, talking on ventrilo/skype/msn, playing starcraft 2, SF4, poker, etc.)
Follow me: www.twitter.com/zlasher
Versita
Profile Joined February 2010
Canada1032 Posts
November 18 2010 23:44 GMT
#51
On November 19 2010 08:32 ZlaSHeR wrote:
I prefer my current job (which I'm at right now) where I watch some computer labs in my school, get paid mroe than lifeguarding paid me, work more hours, stay in an air conditioned office, and use my computer to do whatever i want (usually a combination of teamliquid, watching streams, talking on ventrilo/skype/msn, playing starcraft 2, SF4, poker, etc.)


what do you watch for at the computer labs?
Ipp
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States456 Posts
November 19 2010 01:00 GMT
#52
On November 19 2010 03:08 LuckyFool wrote:
most places use a laser at the front door (or some other trigger) to automatically count how many ppl walk through the front door.


Well in the stores defense there are people like Zlasher who think DT's don't trigger proximity sensors.
http://youtube.com/RageQuitTV
d3_crescentia
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
United States4054 Posts
November 19 2010 01:11 GMT
#53
Happy birthday!

All of us DC nerds should totally go to where you work and walk in and out of the same store like 50000 times. Unless you don't count people twice.
once, not long ago, there was a moon here
Terrakin
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States1440 Posts
November 19 2010 01:14 GMT
#54

heres a tip from Seinfeld
Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 19 2010 03:52 GMT
#55
On November 19 2010 10:14 Terrakin wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd9ma2UVLHM
heres a tip from Seinfeld

Hahaha no I'm like the queen of pretending I'm working in an office environment.

But staring at the laptop screen while I'm supposed to be counting people might look a bit bad.

But w/e I got paid to shop, so overall I'm pretty happy.
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
Torenhire
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States11681 Posts
November 19 2010 04:04 GMT
#56
On November 19 2010 12:52 Haemonculus wrote:


But w/e I got paid to shop, so overall I'm pretty happy.


wow you're such a girl.

Also my project manager at my current job had the worst job ever. There used to be some kind of animal testing laboratory years back (he's old as heck) and they would inject all these drugs and stuff into dogs, cats, mice, guinea pigs, whatever.

When they were done doing these nasty things to these animals, they would throw them in a giant cremation chamber. This thing wasn't a pit in the ground, it was a small shed-sized building. Throw animal in, close door, turn on fire.

turn off fire, open door, throw animal in, close door, flame on.


My PM's job? Sweep the ashes and stuff out of the cremation chamber. He had to get INSIDE this thing and get all the gunk out. Be thankful for your boring sit-on-your-butt job.


And happy birthday.
SirJolt: Well maybe if you weren't so big and stupid, it wouldn't have hit you.
Smix *
Profile Blog Joined January 2009
United States4549 Posts
November 19 2010 04:15 GMT
#57
Hope you got yourself a nice birthday gift during your shopping off-hours
TranslatorBe an Optimist Prime, Not a Negatron // twitter @smixity
alffla
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Hong Kong20321 Posts
November 19 2010 04:19 GMT
#58
happy birthday, try to enjoy your mindlesss job >_<
Graphicssavior[gm] : What is a “yawn” rape ;; Masumune - It was the year of the pig for those fucking defilers. Chill - A clinic you say? okum: SC without Korean yelling is like porn without sex. konamix: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY!
news
Profile Blog Joined July 2010
892 Posts
November 19 2010 04:22 GMT
#59
At least you are not doing insulation in crawlspaces and attics, trust me you don't want to be laying on dead rats while sweating in 120 F heat and itching.
"Althought it sounds sexism, and probably is, given the right context, we cannot classify the statement itself as a sexist statement by itself," - evanthebouncy!
Djzapz
Profile Blog Joined August 2009
Canada10681 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-11-19 06:08:26
November 19 2010 05:11 GMT
#60
I have a friend who used to work at a massive brewery and he was in Quality Check. Apparently, at first you see a couple of flaws on beer bottles that are moving on a conveyor belt... Issues like the cap isn't put on properly and whatnot.

By the end of the day, it's a solid brown line in front of your eyes.
"My incompetence with power tools had been increasing exponentially over the course of 20 years spent inhaling experimental oven cleaners"
cascades
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Singapore6122 Posts
November 19 2010 05:45 GMT
#61
Happy birthday Rhavanna! Giving out flyers is yet another boring job. Much harder to slack; You just want to be done.
HS: cascades#1595 || LoL: stoppin
Zidane
Profile Blog Joined July 2008
United States1686 Posts
November 19 2010 07:59 GMT
#62
I drive busses part time. Get one of those tickers it'll make ur job easier!
AyeH
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States534 Posts
November 19 2010 09:30 GMT
#63
Oh my god. To be completely honest with you, if I had this job and there were enough people walking about, I would love it. I LOVE PEOPLE WATCHING. Hahaha. It's really fun just to observe people... Lol.
Is it in you?
Versita
Profile Joined February 2010
Canada1032 Posts
November 19 2010 10:27 GMT
#64
On November 19 2010 18:30 AyeH wrote:
Oh my god. To be completely honest with you, if I had this job and there were enough people walking about, I would love it. I LOVE PEOPLE WATCHING. Hahaha. It's really fun just to observe people... Lol.

most people would find this incredibly creepy
Abenson
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
Canada4122 Posts
November 19 2010 12:07 GMT
#65
Can you play SC2 in those 4 hours? :D
If yes, the job just got a lot better

Happy Birthday, by the way
DoubleZee
Profile Joined July 2010
Canada556 Posts
Last Edited: 2010-11-19 16:27:18
November 19 2010 16:23 GMT
#66
Considering you get a 4 hour paid break that is hardly the dullest temp job ever. I spent a year working in a warehouse moving boxes and pulling files, alone most of the time. If I didn't mean certain targets I would have my old lady boss bitch at me. The targets were ridiculously high as well. Nobody would make them yet she would bitch at us at least once a week. At least you're in a somewhat social setting. People watching can be interesting. I saw pictures of my friend's trip to europe, and outside one cafe they had a row of chairs facing the street with no tables. People would get their coffee and drink it while people watching. lol...
Just think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize half of them are even stupider!
vnlegend
Profile Blog Joined December 2006
United States1389 Posts
November 19 2010 19:57 GMT
#67
bring a laptop and SC during the off-hours. Or get an iphone/smartphone and play games.
Marines > everything
AyeH
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States534 Posts
November 19 2010 21:08 GMT
#68
On November 19 2010 19:27 cowman wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 19 2010 18:30 AyeH wrote:
Oh my god. To be completely honest with you, if I had this job and there were enough people walking about, I would love it. I LOVE PEOPLE WATCHING. Hahaha. It's really fun just to observe people... Lol.

most people would find this incredibly creepy


You'd be surprised how fun it is just to sit down at at spot at the mall with a lot of people (food court?) and observe people and how they act. And check out all the hot girls that walk around. lol
Is it in you?
LuckyFool
Profile Blog Joined June 2007
United States9015 Posts
November 19 2010 21:43 GMT
#69
HAPPY real BIRTHDAY ALEX!

oh and:

+ Show Spoiler +
GET OFF LOL AND WOW AND PLAY MOAR SC2!
HeavOnEarth
Profile Blog Joined March 2008
United States7087 Posts
November 19 2010 22:30 GMT
#70
hire someone to count the people for less, free money.
"come korea next time... FXO house... 10 korean, 10 korean"
Haemonculus
Profile Blog Joined November 2004
United States6980 Posts
November 19 2010 23:16 GMT
#71
Haha, I never said it was the worst job ever, it's actually super easy... just... DULL. The second shift I think 7 people walked into the store all night. Pretty damn boring.

Anyway much thanks for the birthday wishes everyone! It's been a fantastic day! ^.^
I admire your commitment to being *very* oily
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