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I dunno what it is. I think maybe it's my erratic schedule. I guess my whole life I've woken up at the same time 5 days a week. College throws a wrench into that. Maybe it's cause my band broke up. I haven't really been depressed like this for years.
Right after my parents broke up I was really depressed for about a year. I gained a ton of weight and had some serious social catastrophes. I thought I would never feel gross like that again. It's not that every moment is agony, I just have a lot of trouble willing myself to get out of bed in the morning. I don't look forward to social events. I'd rather stay in.
I'm eating like a pig. It's awful. I must have a binging disorder or something. A little voice in the back of my mind says don't eat that, you're full, but I can't seem to stop myself from shoving down almost every day. It's like the conscious mind just loses all power for 10 minutes and I frantically eat everything in sight until I'm painfully full. Maybe I really do have a disorder. Even while I was losing weight at the speed of light from 15-16 I'd still have one or two days a month where I would just lose it. It can't be healthy. I've only put on 5 pounds but I feel obese. I was 210 when I was 13. I started dieting and exercising when I was 15, took off 40 pounds in a summer. I bottomed out at 160 this august after a summer of everyday jogging. I felt pretty good. I've put on about 5 pounds since then, and I feel terribly ugly. I'm not so bad at math that I don't know I still lost 5 pounds, but it dosen't seem to matter. I feel fatter than I have in months.
I stopped exercising about a month ago after catching mono. I was out of commission for a long time. Sleeping 14 hours a day is really tough when you have 7 hours of college to do. I'm feeling better now, fatigue-wise.
I feel stopped. I want to play more music. I've been learning guitar. I started drumming 7 years ago, so I'm good at that now. I'm in school for drawing. Why did I pick drawing? I had an 87 average in all ap science classes, I played music for 7 years and I chose to go into drawing. What the fuck. It's not that I don't enjoy it, it's just that it's a fucking retarded choice. I really want to play more music. Sucking at guitar while I can't take out my frustration by being GOOD at drums sucks. SC is a dead end. I enjoy playing it but I'm bad at losing. I get too angry. I don't enjoy it. I enjoy watching a lot. I feel stopped. I want to move forward. I want to not procrastinate on my homework till the last minute, I want to write songs, I want to progress, but school feels like such a waste of time. Though I have lots of free time, I'm always fucking exhausted from my bat shit crazy schedule.
Every girl I've met that I was really interested in so far has a 22 year old boyfriend who took them to Italy last summer. Great. I can compete with that. The girl from the grade below me in higschool who I had a crazy crush on broke up with her boyfriend and has admitted to having a big crush on me. Oh wait I live an hour and a half away from my high school now. Cool.
I'm frustrated. I'm sad. I'm lazy. I feel ugly and fat. I'm fucking depressed. It sucks how my outlook on life changes so quickly.
What should I do?
Thanks for reading.
 
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I have three extremely good tips for getting over depression.
1) Start going to the gym; this is the single most important thing. Not only will you get a confidence boost from spending your time constructively, but it will trigger happy juices in your brain and you'll also get an extra confidence bonus when you start to see results.
2) Read the book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" It is not how it sounds. It's an easy read and it will really open your eyes, I can say 100% it changed my outlook and made me a much happier person in general, because I understood other people and myself much better.
3) Stay up.
I know what you're thinking, "huh?"
Well, actually, if you stay up for an inordinate amount of time, really as long as you can (24 hours +) it will trigger the creation of happy juices in your brain. My psychology teacher taught me this and it definitely works.
For getting over a temporary slump and reminding your brain what happiness feels like.
Stay up.
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http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=109055
Some of the nutrition and eating well stuff in here is quite legit.
Talk your problems over with someone irl, it can really help to just vent to someone (I suppose this blog does that partly, but having someone converse back with you is really comforting), you'll feel a ton better afterwards.
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Stay up is definitely odd advice.
I don't think It's for lack of knowledge that I have diet issues. I successfully dieted and exercised off 50 pounds this one time. It's a psychological thing. I think.
This blog is definitely to vent. I left a lot of friends behind when I moved. I'm not really close enough to anyone now to vent to them, and I'm certainly not going to vent to my parents. Maybe it's the friends. It's not that I'm a loner now. I'm pretty funny and personable with people. I just think time is the only ingredient in the recipe of a friend close enough to vent to. :/
Also I started listening to Bob Dylan. Maybe that's it.
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I totally +1 SpicyCrab on the gym suggestion (I haven't tried the others lol). Trust him. It will make you feel like you own the place and make you a much more confident as well as ogranized and responsible guy.
Caution! After the first three weeks or so, you're going to need a huge overdose of consistency. Do not quit!
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Moar games. Gf. Concentrate on school, with the knowledge that you'll be able to buy everything you reasonably want with the job you'll get when you're done.
Obviously, you'll have to pick just one of these.
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You inspire so much confidence Bottle.
I can't afford the gym. I've worked out at home my whole life. I don't have a job.
Maybe realizing how poor I am is part of it. I haven't been able to buy a fucking coffee for 3 months. Having no money sucks. I guess I dind't feel bad about it until that one girl's boyfriend took her to Italy. I've heard love song from the 60's about how a nice girl like you would never go out with a poor boy like me, but I didn't get them. I think I'm starting to. Maybe that's it.
Thanks for the replies guys. I guess I'll just force myself to start working out.
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How is your schedule at all hectic? 7 hours of school a day? Do you even go to school 5 days a week? Not sure if this'll help but knowing other people have it off worse has always helped me. I work 12 hrs a night, from 530 pm to 530 am, I'm about to lose my job and I have a pregnant wife... Trust me, your 5 pounds of weight and no gf can blow me. School is easy dude and that girl 1 hour away? my wife was away from me for 6 months across the country of united states. Life sucks but you move on cause eventually anything wrong will end, my advice change your major to something that doesn't suck and has future benefits.
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It's hectic because one day school will be 11-7 and another day 8-2. It's pretty nasty waking up at 6 one day and then sleeping in, having to go to bed early on a day you slept in, not being able to fall asleep, going to school with 4 hours of sleep. It sucks. 12 hour night shift is worse though.
Thanks for the advice man. You cracked me up with your "-can blow me" line.
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Glad I could help  Nothing personal being harsh it's just I've been there depressed and shit cause of being in a household where I was just a liability, no fricking love there... But the thing that kept my head straight was thinking shit like well at least my dad doesnt rape me or At least no one fucks with me (like bullying). Yah I'm sick but it helps.
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Yo dude. do you have a facebook?
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I know how you feel! I've been in those depressive ruts a few times and it just feels crippling. I feel even more anti-social than usual and I just want to sleep. My number one indication of depression was when I wouldn't want to play brood war. I remember a friend dragged me the gym with him and it really helped. I felt good and it helped my sleep habits again. I'm sorry I have nothing else to contribute. I hope you get better though!
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http://artofmanliness.com/
I was feeling shitty like this last year, when i saw this site it brought me out of it over the summer. It really does help.
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Be grateful about still being in college. Once you're tied to a full-time working schedule you're going to miss the college hours. You're also going to miss seeing all those cute girls every day. I sure do. I have to go out after work and find those girls now. Something I enjoy quite a bit, but it sure is a lot more effort than it was in my school days.
And get some exercise outside the house. There's lots of stuff you can do that's cheap or free. Hike, jog, shoot baskets, throw a football or a disc around with someone etc. A lot of exercise is fun! You know, like Starcraft. It's gonna make you feel better. Promise.
We've all been there and it gets better.
Here's one trick I use when I get depressed: I go outside and compliment a stranger. It has never failed to make me feel better and you'll make someone else's day. All it takes is the social skills of Blizzcon red shirt guy or better to pull it off. Especially with girls. They're used to compliments.
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I said pick just one because I like doing one thing well instead of several things shitty. This has ended up with me doing nothing well and many things shitty, but I still pretend that I'm good at games at least. And advice.
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Start doing some sort of regular exercise, it'll make you feel better (maybe buy a bike?). I HATE jogging but it always seems to lift my mood for the rest of the day. Same with menial tasks, washing up, mowing or cleaning your room. Anything like that will help me buck the downward trend. Once you start feeling better it can build upon itself just like negative feelings do, that's basically how I've got myself out of this sort of depression before. That plus medication (at least for me).
I would also suggest seeing some sort of counsellor/doctor, beating depression on your own is bloody hard. Good luck!
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On October 29 2010 12:29 SpicyCrab wrote:
3) Stay up.
I know what you're thinking, "huh?"
Well, actually, if you stay up for an inordinate amount of time, really as long as you can (24 hours +) it will trigger the creation of happy juices in your brain. My psychology teacher taught me this and it definitely works.
For getting over a temporary slump and reminding your brain what happiness feels like.
Stay up.
Staying up over 24 hours makes me feel miserable like I want to die... I don't know where you're getting at.
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On October 29 2010 20:28 Ilikestarcraft wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 12:29 SpicyCrab wrote:
3) Stay up.
I know what you're thinking, "huh?"
Well, actually, if you stay up for an inordinate amount of time, really as long as you can (24 hours +) it will trigger the creation of happy juices in your brain. My psychology teacher taught me this and it definitely works.
For getting over a temporary slump and reminding your brain what happiness feels like.
Stay up. Staying up over 24 hours makes me feel miserable like I want to die... I don't know where you're getting at.
I think staying up late can trigger the same effect as being drunk, depending how you are as a drunk. With me for example, I'm an extremely happy, giddy, and touchy drunk, so when I stay up for a while I get these exact feelings + being very hyper. Overall I think your brain releases something that might cause euphoria.
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On October 29 2010 21:07 Sephy69 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 20:28 Ilikestarcraft wrote:On October 29 2010 12:29 SpicyCrab wrote:
3) Stay up.
I know what you're thinking, "huh?"
Well, actually, if you stay up for an inordinate amount of time, really as long as you can (24 hours +) it will trigger the creation of happy juices in your brain. My psychology teacher taught me this and it definitely works.
For getting over a temporary slump and reminding your brain what happiness feels like.
Stay up. Staying up over 24 hours makes me feel miserable like I want to die... I don't know where you're getting at. I think staying up late can trigger the same effect as being drunk, depending how you are as a drunk. With me for example, I'm an extremely happy, giddy, and touchy drunk, so when I stay up for a while I get these exact feelings + being very hyper. Overall I think your brain releases something that might cause euphoria.
Yeah, I definitelly remember college evenings - beginning with getting drunk, in the meantime get some girls. Eventually kissing at 6am, feeling super-euphoric.
Too bad that I can't keep up staying up + drinking that long anymore... probably because now I'm working and older as well.
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On October 29 2010 12:23 Lexpar wrote:
Every girl I've met that I was really interested in so far has a 22 year old boyfriend who took them to Italy last summer. Great. I can compete with that. The girl from the grade below me in higschool who I had a crazy crush on broke up with her boyfriend and has admitted to having a big crush on me. Oh wait I live an hour and a half away from my high school now. Cool.
i think i speak for every1 when i ask, would the girl from the grade below u play infield or catcher in a softball game? would u say she is more "feisty" or "jolly"? does she wear pants or dresses more often? could u share a rowboat with her? actually 2 be more clear, would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing?
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On October 29 2010 21:07 Sephy69 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 20:28 Ilikestarcraft wrote:On October 29 2010 12:29 SpicyCrab wrote:
3) Stay up.
I know what you're thinking, "huh?"
Well, actually, if you stay up for an inordinate amount of time, really as long as you can (24 hours +) it will trigger the creation of happy juices in your brain. My psychology teacher taught me this and it definitely works.
For getting over a temporary slump and reminding your brain what happiness feels like.
Stay up. Staying up over 24 hours makes me feel miserable like I want to die... I don't know where you're getting at. I think staying up late can trigger the same effect as being drunk, depending how you are as a drunk. With me for example, I'm an extremely happy, giddy, and touchy drunk, so when I stay up for a while I get these exact feelings + being very hyper. Overall I think your brain releases something that might cause euphoria.
I don't feel drunk or at act how I am when drunk when I stay up late at all.
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On October 29 2010 23:13 baller wrote:Show nested quote +On October 29 2010 12:23 Lexpar wrote:
Every girl I've met that I was really interested in so far has a 22 year old boyfriend who took them to Italy last summer. Great. I can compete with that. The girl from the grade below me in higschool who I had a crazy crush on broke up with her boyfriend and has admitted to having a big crush on me. Oh wait I live an hour and a half away from my high school now. Cool. i think i speak for every1 when i ask, would the girl from the grade below u play infield or catcher in a softball game? would u say she is more "feisty" or "jolly"? does she wear pants or dresses more often? could u share a rowboat with her? actually 2 be more clear, would an average size rowboat support her without capsizing?
I appreciate your concern. I like The Office to 
Yes shes very cute, shorter than me and thin.
Thanks for all the kind words and advice everyone. <3 You guys are nice.
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It's rather simple, really.
Start exercising again, and sleep only 7 or 8 hours a day, otherwise I can guarantee you the fatigue will get unbearable. Oh yeah, it will get rid of your weight problems as well.
Try to fill in the gaps of your schedule; morning jogging, studying, whatever is appropriate at the time. Change your goddamn major/school if you see nothing in it.
Stop playing games completely, including starcraft, yes. Stop watching television. Stop wasting time on the internet. Stop eating trash food.
Talk to that girl. 90 minutes of distance is nothing just an excuse.
You have free time? Rinse and repeat; study, exercise, do something with the girl, go out, etc.
And stop lamenting about absolutely nothing.
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EPT
